Rodney's Really Bad Days
by debbie418uk2
Summary: A collection of short one shots featuring McKay getting in trouble and Sheppard either helping him and/or causing it later chapters have more complete stories.
1. The Green Green Grass of Home

**Disclaimer**: Not mine unfortunately or I would be hanging out with them in Vancouver :-)

This is a collection of short oneshot "Rodney whumping" stories - just snippets that I need to get out of my head

The kind of stories where John has to either come to the rescue and/or caused the problem in the first place.

Set in any of the seasons but mainly with Carson because I prefer him.

**The green green grass of home**

John Sheppard caught up with Rodney McKay in one of Atlantis' long corridors. If you could call it "caught up" since he ended up walking rapidly behind him.

Rodney was moving quickly towards an unexplored section of the city tapping on a data padd as he walked. "Zelenka found a strange panel," he said obviously excited. "I'm gonna check it out. Come along?"

"I wanted to talk to you about my shower," John said.

"Uh huh," Rodney answered, still moving and not really listening.

John followed still persisting. "It was cold," he continued.

"Really ?" Rodney said turning into a small room where Radek Zelenka was waiting.

"Real cold," John finished. He nodded at Zelenka as Rodney moved to the open panel, ignoring him.

"What do we have ?" Rodney asked Radek.

"I'm not sure," Radek answered. "It looks like an ordinary door circuit but there's an extra..."

"Yes, yes, I see it," Rodney said reaching inside the panel. John moved next to him. "Don't touch anything," Rodney added as he peered inside.

John was miffed. He was sure that Rodney was responsible for his ice cold shower. On the wall by John's shoulder was a large blue button. Hoping to give Rodney a shock and get his attention, John, on impulse, hit the button.

A bright light shone from the ceiling down onto Rodney. "What ?" Rodney said standing up.

John reached forward and grabbed Rodney's arm to pull him away from the light.

Radek Zelenka stared open mouthed as both Sheppard and Mckay vanished.

oOo

Sheppard blinked in the sudden sunlight and looked around him. Next to him McKay did the same thing. They were standing in the middle of a large grassy field.

"Crap!" John said. He usually had his tac vest with basic supplies. He usually had his weapons. Dressed casually in a black T-shirt and plain slacks he had nothing useful. Not even a knife. "Crap!" he repeated for emphasis.

Rodney was glaring at him, standing with his arms crossed. He didn't even have his data padd, he'd put it down to look into the panel. "Which part of "don't touch anything" did you have a problem with ?" he said.

"I wanted to get your attention," John said sheepishly. When Rodney continued to glare at him he decided to change the subject. "Where are we anyway?" he asked casually.

Rodney looked up at the sky, checking the sun and moons. "Same planet," he said. "Different place."

"Oh, on the mainland."

"Since we're not treading water I would say that's a pretty safe assumption."

John winced. He'd asked for that one.

"I presume," Rodney continued, "That the white box that I almost got a look at was a conduit for a transporter signal. Although how it decides where to transport you I'm not sure. I was thinking about what was in the far room. What were you thinking of?"

"Golf."

"Excuse me ?"

"I was thinking how it would be nice, since it's my day off, to be on a proper driving range instead of hitting balls into the water."

"And as usual your super ATA gene trumped mine and so it sent us out into the middle of nowhere. Wonderful."

"Well it's not that bad, we might even be near the Athosian settlement."

"Colonel the mainland is approximately the size of North America. What are the chances that we're near the settlement ?"

"You're too much of a pessimist, Rodney." John tapped his radio. "This is Sheppard," he said. "Can anyone hear me ?"

Rodney pointed towards his own radio. "Short range," he said.

"Well, " John said looking around. "Let's head for that hill over there. Maybe we'll be able to get our bearings." Rodney continued to look at him. "Unless you have a better idea," he added.

"Unfortunately I don't," he said. They started to walk towards the hill. "Got any candy ?"

" Rodney."

oOo

"It seems to be a transporter," Radek said.

"But where did they transport to ?" Doctor Elizabeth Weir asked.

Zelenka took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes wearily. He replaced them as Elizabeth watched from across the conference table. " That's the problem," he said. "We don't know. They don't seem to be in the city," he added.

"What is the range on the machine ?" Teyla asked.

"As far as I can ascertain, and this is guesswork. Anywhere on this planet."

Elizabeth was silent as she thought it through. "That's a lot of ocean," she said.

"And land," Teyla added.

"Well whatever ya do you'd better do it soon," Carson Beckett intervened.

Elizabeth looked at him.

"Rodney has hypoglycemia," Carson continued. "Aye," he said as the others smiled. "Rodney jokes about it but it really is quite a serious medical condition."

"That's why he's always eating ?" Ronon asked.

"He carries glucose tablets and candy in his tac vest," Carson said. "But I understand that he wasn't wearing it."

"How serious is this ?" Teyla asked.

"Worse case scenerio. If there's nothing wherever they are. He could be in a coma by tonight and dead by the morning. Sooner if he's moving around."

oOo

"So why did you sabotage my shower," John asked as they walked up the hill.

"What ?" Rodney said. " I don't know what you're talking about. I have more important things to do than freeze up your morning ablutions."

"Oh."

" It will be several hours before they find us," Rodney continued. "even at the best estimate and I'm already feeling light headed."

"How will they find us ?" John asked. " Maybe if he keeps talking it will help him concentrate " he thought.

" Well assuming that Radek realizes that we were transported out of the city the easiest way to search would be to modify the life signs detectors on the jumpers and fly a standard search pattern. Of course, " Rodney stopped and looked at John. "They'll probably search the ocean first."

"Because we'd be in the most danger if we were in the water."

"Precisely."

"Why would the ancients build a machine that transports you out into the middle of nowhere ?"

"I've thought about that, " Rodney answered. "Two things. One..I didn't really get a good look before we..er..left..but that button you hit looked like it might have been removeable.."

"So it probably returns you to the point of origin. Makes sense. And two ?"

Rodney stopped and glared at John. " I assume that they were more careful about what they thought when they used the damn thing."

oOo

Carson was pacing in Elizabeth's office. "This is taking too long," he said. "It'll be dark soon."

Radek is equipping the last jumper now. The others are already out flying a search pattern and you'll be able to join them soon," Elizabeth said. She understood his frustration. "Maybe Rodney had some candy with him," she added hopefully.

"Aye but I have to work on the assumption that he didn't."

"Well we've checked the ocean in this vicinity..."

" The jumper is ready," Radek's voice came over their radios.

" I'm gonna start checking the mainland," Carson said heading for the door. Elizabeth nodded as Beckett spoke into his radio. "Search team nine to the jumper bay..."

Zelenka entered her office as Carson left. "Every jumper is out flying a search pattern," he said. "Each one has a medic on board and Chuck is coordinating the search." He looked at Elizabeth's concerned expression. "We'll find them," he said.

"Yes but will we find them in time ?" she answered.

oOo

Sheppard looked across the landscape from the top of the hill. Rolling meadows dotted with stange shaped trees. It was really rather pretty..

" Oh great !" McKay said. "More nothing."

"Oh I wouldn't say that," John answered. "There's grass, trees..."

"Allergens." McKay sat at the base of a tree. " Well if you want to go tramping over a couple more hills," he said. "Be my guest. I'm staying here. Let me know if you find Julie Andrews." He leaned back and closed his eyes.

"It'll be dark soon," John said. "How cold does it get here ?"

"Oh I don't know. About six degrees."

"Fahrenheit ?!"

"Celcius," Rodney said glaring up at him. "About forty fahrenheit."

"Oh." That sounded better. "I think I'll build a fire," he said. "Might help them find us."

"Knock yourself out."

"Got any matches ?" Rodney just looked up at him. " I'll take that as a no."

"Didn't they mention friction when you took survival training ? You did take survival training I hope."

"Yes," Sheppard said. "They also mentioned always carry matches."

"Then why don't you ?"

" I do. They're in my..tac vest, along with everything else," John said quietly.

"Then I guess you're back to rubbing two sticks together," Rodney said closing his eyes.

"Great."

It took John about half an hour to get the kindling and sticks together and using his bootlace he was rapidly spinning a stick to create the necessary friction. Night was falling and it was starting to get cold.

" You could help," John said.

Rodney opened one eye and looked at him. "Why?" he said. "You seem to have the technique down."

" You could've offered."

"Funny," Rodney said sleepily.

John got a small fire going as it turned dark. "You know," he said. "We could build a big signal fire." He looked over to where Rodney was sleeping. "Hey!" he said shoving Rodney on the shoulder. "Rodney?...Rodney!"

Rodney slumped over onto his right side. John moved next to him, turned him onto his back and checked his pulse. It was steady but slow and weak.

"Crap!" John said. "OK John...signal fire..."

John pulled together all the loose wood and dead branches and leaves that he could find and soon had a fire built that was about four feet high piled up several yards from where Rodney lay.

John pulled off his shirt and used his laces to tie it to a stick. He shivered in the cold as he shoved the makeshift torch into his small fire. As the material started to burn he took it and pushed it into the dry grasses and leaves in the middle of the large bonfire.

"Alright," he said as the kindling started to burn. He looked up at the night sky. "Come on.." he said sofly.

oOo

Carson was getting frustrated. He had been flying back and forth over the mainland for hours and had found nothing. He radio'd Atlantis. "Can I not gain altitude ?" he asked. "Scan a bigger area ?"

"If you go higher," Radek Zelenka answered, "you risk not detecting their life signs. Especially," he added. " if they are among the trees...or hurt. And," he said, "their transponder signals also have a limited range. If you go higher you will lose width on your search pattern." Radek sighed. "I understand your frustration," he said. "But we have calculated the optimum height to cover the maximum area. And staying to a search pattern will ensure that we do not miss scanning an area."

Carson knew that but the facts didn't make him any happier. "Aye I know," he said hitting the button on his headset.

A few minutes later the recruit in the co pilots' seat pointed out of the window. "Doctor," he said.

"What is it, Steven? Do ya see somethin' ?"

"I thought I...it's gone now."

"What ?"

"Looked like a light. A fire maybe. Way off in the distance."

Carson thought for a moment, slowing the jumper as he did so. If he left the search pattern and it was nothing...He made a decision.

"Let's check it out laddie," he said banking the jumper around to the right.

oOo

John was getting cold. He was concentrating on keeping the big fire going and now the smaller one had gone out. He'd pulled Rodney closer to the big fire but he was feeling cold too. John hoped that it wasn't anything to do with his hypoglycemia.

"Forty degrees my ass," he muttered. Burning his shirt didn't seem like such a great idea right now. Maybe he could've found some drier foliage instead. He was more worried about Rodney though than impending hypothermia. He'd been colder before.

Then he heard the unmistakeable sound of jumper engines approaching. "Oh thank God," he said as Beckett landed next to the fire. "What kept you ?" he said loudly as Carson ran from the rear of the craft.

"Oh nothing really," Carson said going to Rodney. "Just takin' a wee excursion around the mainland for bloody hours !"

"How is he ?" John asked putting on a shirt that one of the others gave him.

Carson was giving Rodney an injection of glucose. "He'll be up and around in just a minute," he said. "That's the thing with hypoglycemia, it's really easy and quick to treat. Just give the patient sugar and they're fine. As long as ya get to them in time," he added.

Rodney started to move and opened his eyes. "Carson ?" he said.

"Rodney," Beckett answered. "Here," he popped a glucose tablet into Rodney's mouth and Rodney pulled a face. "I know ya don't like 'em but it'll keep ya goin' until you can get some proper food."

oOo

Several minutes later Sheppard flew the jumper over the bonfire and dropped water on the fire to extinguish it. Rodney sat in the copilots seat with a blanket around his shoulders. Carson and his team relaxed in the back as John flew them home.

"So let me get this straight," Rodney said as he munched on a MRE. "You hit the button because you thought that I'd sabotaged your shower."

"Well yeah, " John said. " 'Course it seems kinda petty when you put it like that but I was pissed."

"Well I didn't mess with your shower controls," Rodney said. "Radek might have though."

"Radek ? What did I do to him ?"

"I'm only guessing. Several of my staff could've done it. But Radek was muttering something about you taking the last blueberry muffin the other day. I admit I was only half listening. I only really pay attention to his czech if I hear my name and the implecation that my parents were never married."

"Well I did take a muffin the other day. Didn't notice which one though."

"Heh," Rodney laughed. "So you took his favorite flavor and didn't even notice. That's priceless. Seriously though. It seems that I now owe Radek a cold morning since he was, albeit indirectly, responsible for this fiasco. The only question is when..."

"So do you pick a date and then zap him ?"

"Oh no no no no no. Way too amateurish. I just pick a number."

"Excuse me ?"

"Hum. If you pick a day he could miss it for some reason. Shower the night before, decide to stay dirty, be offworld, whatever." Rodney sat forward, eyes twinkling with mischief. "I just pick a number. The third time he uses it, the eighth, the forty second. Any number. He'll never know when it's coming. But it will come."

"That's devious," John said as he parked the jumper in the bay and opened the back door.

Rodney stood up , holding his blanket around his shoulders. "Yes it is, isn't it ?" he said.

As John unbuckled his seatbelt Rodney put his hand on John's shoulder and leaned close to him.

"Seems I owe you one too," he whispered.

John watched as Rodney left heading towards the mess hall.

"Oh crap!" he said.

fin.

That's it for this one

Please review I would love some (constructive) critic

thanks for reading.


	2. The Genii

Ok here we go again

**Disclaimer: **Not mine never will be yada yada

What would a Rodney whump series be without the Genii...?

John Sheppard stayed hidden in the trees as he watched the house closely through binoculars. Beside him, Teyla Emmagan and Ronon Dex crouched in silence scanning the surrounding area intently. It had been several hours since the Genii had captured Rodney McKay. dragging him unconscious through the gate on P39637.

Ronon had tracked them from the point where they had been separated and he was sure that Rodney was being held in the small house at the edge of the village.

"Any sign of him ?" Teyla asked quietly.

"Not yet," John answered. "We may have to wait until dark. Whenever that is," he added.

Ronon looked at the sky. "Sun's moving fairly quickly," he said. "Shouldn't be long."

"Wait," John said under his breath.

Teyla and Ronon turned to look down at the house. Careful to stay concealed they watched as a large woman dragged Rodney out of the side door. His hands were tied in front of him and he had a metal collar around his neck. Attached to the collar was a chain which the woman used to pull him along, animal-like.

John smiled. "Well he seems OK," he said. "A little humiliated maybe but that might be good for him."

Teyla looked intently, narrowing her eyes. "He seems to be walking strangely," she said.

John looked again. Teyla was right. Rodney seemed to be stumbling, uncertain of his steps.

"Maybe they drugged him," Ronon said.

The woman reached into her pocket. She had a small object in her hand but John couldn't see what it was.

Suddenly Rodney cried out and, reaching up to grip the collar, he fell to his knees.This continued for several moments until he was kneeling, head bowed on the ground, gasping for breath and obviously in great pain.

John's knuckles turned white as he gripped the binoculars tightly. Everything inside him wanted to run down to Rodney's aid. This wasn't funny anymore.

Seemingly reading his mind Teyla put her hand on John's shoulder. "It will not help Rodney if we rush in and get captured too," she said.

"I know," John answered, tight-lipped.

With a swift kick to his side the woman knocked Rodney over.

Ronon grabbed the back of John's vest as he flinched. Not wanting to look but unable to make himself look away, John moved the binoculars away from his eyes. It didn't look any better from a distance.

The woman was laughing, clearly enjoying the situation. Jerking on the chain she pulled until Rodney struggled to his feet. She was speaking but they were too far away to make out what she was saying. She pulled him over to a cage several feet from the house and seemed to be pulling the chain unnecessarily hard as she forced him inside.

Rodney seemed disoriented as she slammed the door of the cage behind him and attached the chain to the bars.

She spoke to him, still laughing and, reaching into her pocket she used the "collar control" again. Briefly, but it was enough to make Rodney flinch and reach again for his neck.

The woman went back into the house still laughing.

She had barely left enough chain for Rodney to sit down, which he did, head down and looking miserable.

John, Teyla and Ronon watched in silence.

"It's probably a trap, " Ronon said.

"If we circle to the left we can get close to him by those trees," Teyla added.

"We should wait until dark."

"What if she comes out again, Ronon ?" Teyla asked.

"I'm not watching that again," John said moving to his left. "Even if it is a trap."

"She'll pay for that," Ronon muttered as he and Teyla followed.

oOo

"Rodney," John called quietly from the back of the cage.

"Colonel ?" Rodney answered, lifting his head and turning towards the sound. He tried to get up and move to the back of the cage but he was jerked to a sudden stop by the collar and chain.

"We're gonna get you out of here," John said. "Soon as it gets dark."

"Which won't be long judging from the sky," Ronon added.

"I wouldn't know," Rodney said. "They put something in my eyes. I can't see."

"Look at me," John said.

Rodney looked up. His eyes were covered with what looked like milky, opaque, contact lenses.

John inched closer along the side of the cage. "let me see," he said.

Reaching through the bars he lifted Rodney's left eyelid slightly. Rodney jumped slightly at his touch but quickly relaxed.

"It looks like it's just a shell over the front of your eye," John said. "Carson should be able to remove it. Let's see the collar."

John moved his hand to the back of the collar and Rodney put his head forward so that John could see.

Teyla glanced briefly at Ronon who shrugged slightly. It was unusual for Rodney to be this quiet.

"Witch lady has a key to it," Rodney said. "And a remote," he added.

"Is it booby trapped ?" John asked.

"I don't know. I can't see."

"What's the range on the remote ?"

"I don't know. I can't see. Are you sensing a recurring theme here ?" Rodney added clearly irritated.

"OK already," John said moving back.

"Seriously," Rodney continued. "It could be a few yards or half a mile. I have no way of telling without seeing it. Oh wait. I said that already."

"John," Teyla said softly. The back door was opening.

"Stay put," John said. "We're nearby."

"Oh like I have a choice," McKay muttered.

The woman walked jauntily out of the back door. "Rodney ?" she called as she approached the cage.

John, Ronon and Teyla watched her from behind the trees.

The woman seemed oblivious to their presence. "Rodney..." Her voice was high pitched and shrill. A sharp contrast to her stocky appearance.

"Surprise, surprise. I'm right where you left me," Rodney answered.

She stopped a few meters away. "I was hoping your friends would have dropped by by now," she said.

"We must have forgotten to send them a party invitation. It was very remiss of me."

"Well we'll have to rectify that oversight, won't we ?"

"Not on my account..." Rodney stopped suddenly and reached for the collar. He cried out in pain and fell forward gasping for breath.

The woman watched calmly, a small smile on her face, her hand deep in her right pocket.

Suddenly a flash of red light erupted from the tree line and hit the woman squarely in the chest. She crumpled into a heap on the ground as Ronon stepped forward.

Rodney visibly relaxed as the woman released her grip on the remote.

"Oh crap," John said as several Genii soldiers started to come out of the open back door. "Cover me."

Ronon stunned the two Genii soldiers who had already come out of the back door while Teyla used her P90 to keep the others pinned down inside.

"Stay down, Rodney," John said.

Rodney ducked down and covered his head as John shot the lock off the cage door and unhooked the chain. With a swift movement of his knife John cut the cords around Rodney's wrists. "Come on," he said guiding Rodney out through the door and into the trees.

They made their way quickly through the trees with John half carrying Rodney with his left arm hooked under Rodney's right armpit. Ronon and Teyla followed behind.

"Why are they not following us ?" Teyla asked.

As if in answer to her question Rodney winced and grabbed the collar with his left hand. His knees buckled and John stopped suddenly.

"Because they don't need to," John said letting Rodney go.

Rodney dropped to his knees, head bowed, eyes sqeezed shut, gasping in pain. John crouched in front of him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Rodney !" he said. "McKay !"

Ronon watched in silence for a few seconds and then reached down, grabbed the collar at the back, and with a swift movement he snapped the lock.

Rodney relaxed, still breathing heavily. Shaking he got to his feet and the collar fell to the ground. "Are you crazy ?" he stammered turning towards Ronon. "That could've been booby trapped. You could've taken my head off !"

"Would've been less painful, " Ronon said drily. "And you're welcome," he added walking away.

For once Rodney was speechless.

"We have to find cover, " Teyla said. "They will soon discover that the collar is not working."

oOo

It took a little under an hour before they were safely hidden in the back of a small cave that had a good view out across the surrounding area. Ronon had pulled small bushes in front of the entrance to conceal the opening.

Teyla stepped back inside the cave. She held something loosely in her hand. John looked at her quizzically.

"I have something that will restore Rodney's sight," she said.

Rodney looked up at her from where he was sitting by the cave wall. "Really ?" he said.

Teyla opened her hand enough to show John without freeing the...

"Frog ?" John asked. "A frog ?"

"What ?" Rodney said, standing up.

"I have done this before," she said. She nodded at Ronon who grabbed Rodney from behind, one arm under each armpit, putting him in a headlock.

"Hey, " Rodney said, indignant.

"Hold still, McKay," Ronon said one hand on either side of his head holding him firmly in place.

"Relax, Rodney," Teyla said softly.

"Yeah Rodney," John added. "Teyla knows what she's doing. You do know..."

Teyla smiled. "The substance forms a shell over the eye," she said. "We will need water."

John nodded and got a bottle out of his backpack and unscrewed the lid.

"If you try to remove it with your hand it shatters," she continued. "This tree frog has sticky pads on its feet that make it ideal for safely removing the shell. Hold still."

Carefully Teyla used the frogs foot to pop the shell off Rodney's right eye.

"Ow !" Rodney yelped loudly.

"Quiet," John said.

"Well it hurt," Rodney said. Teyla poured the water into Rodney's eye which soothed it considerably.

"Can you see, Rodney ?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered. "Yes I can."

"Then let's do the other eye," she said smiling.

"Well that was a sight for sore eyes," John said smiling after Teyla had finished.

Rodney was sitting by the wall holding a wet cloth over his eyes. He stopped and looked up at John who was still grinning. "And to think, " he said. "You came up with that all by yourself."

"Yes I did," john said oblivious to the sarcasm.

fin

Ok there it is part 2

As I said these are just Rodney snippets so if you like seeing Rodney in trouble (but ultimately OK ;) ) then enjoy.

Debbie


	3. Clashing With Kavanaugh

**Disclaimer:** You know I don't own them. I know I don't own them. yada yada

Kavanaugh makes such a "good" bad guy

This takes place before Critical Mass (and may be why Rodney said, "Look I hate Kavanaugh as much as the next guy, probably even more..." )

**Clashing with Kavanaugh.**

Rodney turned his back as Kavanaugh entered Elizabeth's office. Everyone had heard about the head to head shouting match that had occurred in the physics lab several hours earlier.

"I told him that the Daedalus would be back in one week and to be on it," Rodney had told Elizabeth. "I did tell him that he could class it as a requested transfer rather than termination," he added.

Now Elizabeth found herself running damage control. Despite her own dislike of Kavanaugh the man did have some friends and she needed to head off any mini civil war in the making.

Kavanaugh, however, was having none of it. He had entered the office with a deep scowl on his face. He'd obviously spent his time brooding and angry.

Unlike Rodney who was either used to or immune to the effects of arguing and who had cooled down to his usual acerbic self. Rodney stayed looking out across the gateroom. For once he was trying not to get involved since he'd "done enough" as Elizabeth had put it. He was only there because of the earlier altracation. Promising to be "just an observer" didn't involve looking at him after all and Rodney knew that he wouldn't be able to keep his promise and hold his tongue if he actually faced the man.

In fact he was mentally reviewing a list of several better ways that he could be spending his time besides listening to Kavanaugh's inane tirade. Not that he was actually listening. At least not until ...

"And as for him!" Kavanaugh yelled.

Rodney stiffened and started to turn as Kavanaugh added, "How dare you turn your back on me!" Stepping forward he shoved Rodney with a two handed hit directly between the shoulderblades.

Rodney was more used to verbal sparring, especially with other scientists, and was totally unprepared for a physical attack. Propelled suddenly forward he lost his balance and, in a reflex action, lifted his left hand up in front of him.

It took him only a few seconds to realize his tactical error. When he hit the window, physics equations of stress and pressure points flashed through his mind as, with a loud crack, the glass panel to Elizabeth's office exploded into thousands of shards cascading around him as he fell.

The equations were quickly replaced first by a blinding pain that exploded through his side and then by the thought that he'd never seen so much blood. Especially not his own.

oOo

John had been watching from the gate area. Officially he was listening to the two marines standing with him as they gave him their report. Actually, he was watching Kavanaugh, straining to hear what he could, and silently admiring Rodney's self control. He was also trying to think of a way to casually be upstairs by the time that Rodney's self control inevitably snapped and the real show started.

Suddenly the smile was wiped from his face as he watched as Kavanaugh struck Rodney and he fell through the glass.

"Crap!" he said loudly and he ran up the stairs taking them two at a time with the two marines following. "Take him to the brig!" John ordered pointing at Kavanaugh. As the marines obeyed John knelt down next to Rodney.

"I...I didn't mean to..." Kavanaugh was saying. "It was an accident..."

"Damn!" John said softly. There was a lot of blood. Pulling a field dressing from his vest he applied pressure to a large cut on the inside of Rodney's left forearm.

Elizabeth meanwhile had radio'd the infirmary.

"Carson," she said. "I need you and a medical team to my office now. There's been an accident. Rodney's been cut and is bleeding badly."

She too knelt down next to Rodney. "Easy Rodney," she said. "Help's coming," she added. Putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder she exchanged a worried glance with John.

Rodney was gasping for breath. Blood was running down the side of his face from a deep cut above his right eye. He was vaguely aware of someone (John ?) putting pressure on his left arm, and of someone (Elizabeth ?) talking but she seemed a long way away...

Carson came running up the stairs, his white coat flapping behind him as he moved. "This had better not be...Oh my God!" he exclaimed as he saw the scene.

Pulling a pair of latex gloves from his pocket, Carson tapped his radio and started rapidly organizing his team. Elizabeth moved back out of the way as Carson positioned his stethoscope and started to check Rodney as he spoke. "Get a gurney up here, stat! Prep the O R. We're gonna need whole blood, AB negative. And bring me a triage kit I'm probably gonna have to intubate."

Elizabeth watched intently as two more of Carson's staff ran into her office.

"Start an IV line," Carson was saying. "Saline for now, he's lookin' shocky. Hang on Rodney. I know it's difficult to breathe. Don't try to move I think you're impaled on some glass. I'm giving you some morphine. Hold still. Where's that gurney ?"

As an intern expertly inserted an IV needle and line into Rodney's right arm two more came running up the stairs carrying a large red triage bag and pulling a wheeled gurney.

Carson, who had already applied a dressing to Rodney's head wound, reached for the bag opening it rapidly as the others positioned the gurney next to where Rodney lay.

Carson removed a large instrument that looked like a pair of pruning shears. "Help me steady him," he said to John. "There seems to be a piece of glass impaled in his side. I need to cut it so we can move him."

John winced as Carson reached underneath Rodney and with a loud snap broke the glass. Rodney lay unmoving as Carson dropped the instrument and his gloves, both now covered in blood, into a side pocket of the bag. Quickly putting on fresh gloves he nodded to the interns. "Careful now," he said. "Keep him straight."

Rapidly, three of the interns lifted Rodney and turned him, laying him on his back on the gurney.

Using his stethoscope Carson listened to Rodney's chest on both sides. "No breath sounds on the left and precious little on the right," he said. "I'm gonna intubate."

Carson removed a laryngoscope from his bag and used it to insert a breathing tube into Rodney's lungs. He nodded to the intern who attached an airbag and started to pump rythmically as Carson listened again.

"OK," Carson said getting to his feet. "It's placed correctly. Let's move!"

Moving as one unit the medical team lifted the gurney up onto its wheels and moved swiftly towards the infirmary with the intern still pumping the oxygen bag and Carson holding the saline bag high.

oOo

Elizabeth and John stood in silence surveying the scene that mere minutes before had been an orderly office.

Shards of glass and blood were scattered scross the floor. A grim reminder of what had just occurred.

"I suppose we had better get someone up here to take photographs before we get it cleaned up," John said. "Even with the video feed..."

Elizabeth nodded. "Yes there will probably be an inquiry," she said. "At the very least this is an aggravated assault."

"Of course if he were military this would be real easy," John said. "Touching a superior is a court marshall offence. I'm not sure how it works in a civilian court. Is it up to Rodney to press charges ?"

"I don't think so. I think that charges will proceed just from our reports."

"Caldwell won't want him on the Daedalus after this."

"No his career is probably over no matter what happens legally."

"Let's get out of here," John said. "I'll get some marines to take the photos and clean up."

Elizabeth nodded and they left in silence. She wasn't sure when she'd want to go back into her office again.

oOo

It was over three hours before Carson came out of the operating room/recovery area of the infirmary. John, Elizabeth Teyla and Ronon got up from where they were sitting waiting.

"It's a good thing medical help was real close by," Carson said. "I had to transfuse over two liters of blood as it was. We almost lost him..."

"Doc.." John said.

"There's always a risk with surgery," Carson continued. "But I believe he's gonna be fine. I have him sedated right now and I want to leave him on the ventilator at least until tomorrow. That wound in his left side was the worst part, the rest looked worse than it actually was."

"Bet Rodney won't say that," John said.

"Aye he'll probably be more upset at the scar on his arm."

"Can we see him ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Through the window," Carson said. "You can visit him tomorrow."

"Well that just leaves us with what to do about Kavanaugh," John said quietly.

"So what happened ?" Carson asked. "I'd heard about the dust up in the physics lab but I didn't realize he was this violent."

"It was an accident," Elizabeth answered. "I think that he was just trying to get Rodney's attention."

"Well he did that," John said shaking his head. "And everyone elses."

"Aye. Now what ?"

"Good question," Elizabeth said. "Good question."

oOo

Now all we need is a Kavanaugh fan (?) to write his way out of this one ;)

Debbie


	4. Hurt In The Jumper

**Disclaimer:** The usual yada yada

In the beginning of the episode "Sanctuary" when the energy 'weapon' passes through the jumper Rodney is knocked to the floor. This poses a couple of questions: What about the inertial dampeners? Shouldn't they have kept the craft stable? And it shows poor planning on the ancient's part that they designed the jumpers so that to access the control crystals you have to stand in the back.

From this I mused what would happen if Rodney got hurt from a fall while fixing a problem...?

**Hurt In The Jumper**

"I need weapons, Rodney!" Sheppard yelled as he maneuvered the jumper to avoid the blasts from the lone wraith dart.

"Working on it," McKay answered. He was standing at the back of the jumper, the console holding the control crystals pulled down in front of him.

"Where did it come from ?" Teyla asked.

"It was probably hiding on that moon," Ronon said. "Saw us when we came through the gate."

"It's a moot point right now," Sheppard said. "Rodney..."

"I can't give you weapons and flight," Rodney said. "We've taken damage. There isn't enough power..."

"I need both, Rodney."

"If I disconnect the drive..."

"We'll crash."

"Only for long enough to fire a drone. We'll only drop a few meters. Trust me no one's more into self preservation than I am. I'm just gonna pull the drive crystals out slightly. I can replace them in just a few seconds and you'll regain power immediately."

"O...K..."

"Ready ?"

"No.."

"OK. Now!"

Rodney loosened the last crystal and Sheppard felt the craft lose power. "Crap!" he said as he concentrated on firing at the wraith dart. Two drones flew swiftly and the dart exploded in a ball of fire.

"Yes!" Sheppard yelled and in his excitement he turned the jumper in a sudden jerk to his right - a half victory roll.

He had completely forgotten that Rodney was standing at the back and that the inertial dampeners went offline when the flight controls did.

There was a crashing sound as Rodney fell and the loosened crystals cascaded to the floor.

Carson Beckett leapt out of his chair and over to where Rodney lay. "He's hit his head," he announced. "He's unconscious."

"Oh crap!" Sheppard said. "Brace yourselves. We're going down!"

oOo

It wasn't the best landing that John Sheppard had ever made but it wasn't the worst either. They were shaken up but he had managed to stop in a desert area in a large sand dune and it seemed that the jumper hadn't sustained any more damage and neither had they.

Sheppard got up from his chair quickly and moved to the back of the jumper where Carson was rummaging through his large medical kit. He was kneeling next to Rodney who was still sprawled where he had fallen. Rodney wasn't moving and Carson looked worried.

Using his small flashlight Carson checked Rodney's eyes.

"Carson ?" John said.

"His right pupil's dilated," Carson replied. "Blood in his ears. Looks like he might have a fractured skull. We need to get him back to Atlantis."

"Drive's offline and I don't know how to replace those crystals, " John said. "I need Rodney."

Carson looked up at him. "Rodney has a serious coup contra coup injury," he said. "To wake him I'd have to give him a stimulant. If I do that his life expectancy will be measured in minutes."

John swallowed hard.

"I've given him my entire supply of morphine to put him into a medical coma," Carson continued. "That will keep him alive until I can get him to the infirmary. Providing," he added, "That we get him back to the infirmary within the next four hours."

"Four hours ?" Ronon asked.

"After that the morphine will wear off and his brain will swell from the injury."

"And then ?" asked Teyla.

"And then he'll die."

"Can't you give him more morphine ?" Ronon said.

"Aye I could, if I had any. This is an emergency field kit. That's all the morphine I have with me."

John crouched down and picked up the scattered crystals. "I have no idea how these go back into the console," he said. "McKay has it memorized."

"Could we get a message back through the gate ?" Teyla asked. "Get help ?"

"Gate's in orbit, remember," John said. "Can't dial it from here. And we can't get airborne without the crystals in place."

Beckett sighed. "Great," he said. "Damned if we do and damned if we don't."

"What's a coup...con...?" John asked.

"Coup contra coup," Carson answered. "The brain is not fixed inside the skull. When Rodney hit his head against the bulkhead his brain was first impacted at the back," he pointed to the back of his own head. "This is the "coup" injury. Then the brain rebounds to the front," he pointed to his forehead. "This is the "contra coup" injury. This causes bleeding inside the skull, swelling from the injury and pressure. Look. When a part of the body gets injured it swells. When the brain swells it's encased in the skull. The increased pressure..."

"I get it, doc," John said. "I just don't know what to do about it."

"If I give him a stimulant we'll have to get him back to Atlantis immediately. Minutes will count."

"I understand but I don't see any other way. We can't wait either. We won't be missed for at least six hours."

Carson Beckett paused. "It goes against my better instincts," he said. He removed a small vial from the medical bag and filled a syringe with the clear liquid. "This should wake him but I don't know how alert he'll be. It's a serious injury..." Carson injected the liquid and looked up at Sheppard. "I hope I haven't just killed him," he said somberly.

oOo

It was over a minute before Rodney started to move. He groaned and lifted his hand to his head as he turned onto his left side, eyes squeezed shut in pain.

"Rodney," Carson said. "Rodney.."

"My head," McKay said weakly. "Hurts...help me...please..."

Carson looked up at John who crouched next to the fallen scientist. He held the control crystals in his hand.

"Rodney...?" John said.

Rodney looked up at him, his eyes barely focussing. "John ?" he said weakly.

"I need you to help me put the crystals back into the console," John said. "So we can get back to Atlantis."

Rodney looked up at the console, winced in pain and looked back at John. He reached for the crystals and John handed them to him. Rodney propped himself awkwardly onto his left elbow and started to sort the crystals into a stack on the floor. He was obviously having trouble focussing and Carson cast a worried glance in John's direction.

Rodney looked up at the console and then back at the crystals. "Top row," he said quietly. "Left to right...this one then..." He pushed three crystals towards John who got up and slotted them into the console.

"Second row.." Rodney continued weakly. He pushed four more crystals forward one at a time and John put them in place. He repeated it with the four crystals from the next two rows. "Rows five and seven are identical," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "What's missing ?"

"Row five is missing one and seven. Row seven is missing six," John said.

"This is one," Rodney pushed a crystal forward, "and this is seven..." As John inserted them Rodney checked the few that were left. "This one goes in row six, slot three," he said. "These go in the bottom row," he pushed the last three across in order. "I...I don't have the other crystal..."

John slotted all the crystals in place. There was one empty slot. "It must be here someplace," he said, kneeling down.

Carson shone his flashlight across the floor. "There!" he said pointing underneath the bench seat where a crystal reflected the light. John grabbed it and quickly slotted it into place.

"Here goes," John said jumping into the pilot's seat. The jumper immediately powered up. As the craft lifted into the air John glanced back at Carson. He was kneeling over Rodney who was pale, shaky and gasping for breath.

"For God's sake hurry," Carson said. "Dial the gate and radio as soon as ya can. I've got to get a medical team to meet us in the gateroom."

"Right," John answered as they gained altitude. "I'll be able to dial the gate as soon as we break free of the atmosphere. Just one minute."

"Hold on, Rodney," Carson said softly. "Hold on."

"Is there anyting that we can do ?" Teyla asked.

"Aye lassie," Carson said. "You can pray."

oOo

"OK." John said as he finished the dialling sequence. "The gate's open."

Carson tapped his radio. "This is Doctor Beckett, " he said.

"Carry on, Doctor," Chuck replied.

"I need a medical team to meet us in the gateroom, stat!" he said. "And tell them to bring several doses of morphine," he added.

"Yes sir."

John risked a glance to the back of the jumper as he raced towards the gate. Rodney lay still and Carson was hunched over him. John felt a knot in the pit of his stomach as he plunged into the blue horizon.

As soon as he landed John lowered the back door and the medical team ran inside. There was a flurry of activity and then Rodney was loaded onto a gurney and they rushed him towards the infirmary.

John stood in silence and watched. Teyla stood next to him. "This is not your fault," she said softly.

John looked at her and then back at the gateroom. "Oh yes it was, " he said.

oOo

Carson Beckett kept Rodney sedated and on a ventilator for the next three days. John kept checking back at the infirmary. When he came by on the fourth day Rodney had been moved from the intensive care section at the back to a bed at the front. The ventilator had been removed and John walked up next to the bed.

Carson saw him and walked over. "I'm not really expecting him to wake up for a wee while yet," he said. "I've weaned him off the morphine and his stats are looking good."

"Will he be...all right ?" John asked. "I...mean..."

"Will there be brain damage ? I've done everything I can. I don't think so but we won't know for sure until he regains consciousness.'"

"OK if I hang around for a while ?"

Carson nodded. "There's a chair over there," he said.

John watched quietly as Rodney slept. Although he was sitting still his mind was racing. He had been warned as a young pilot that "hot dogging it" would get someone hurt someday but he hadn't believed it until now.

Until a friend was in the infirmary because of it.

Carson walked over to him. "It's been hours," he said. "I could call ya if there's any change..."

John shook his head. "I'd sooner stay," he said.

"He could wake up in a few minutes or..."

"I'd still rather wait."

"OK," Carson answered. "I'm gonna get a plate of food. Want anything ?"

John shook his head.

"Not eatin' won't help Rodney."

"Maybe later."

"I'll hold ya to that. I don't need both of you in here," Carson said. "Nurse Proctor is in the back. Call me if...I'll be right back," he added as he left the room.

oOo

Several minutes passed. Suddenly John sat upright. There. Rodney's hand moved again. Just slightly but it was definately movement. John walked over next to the bed.

"Rodney ?" he said. "McKay..?"

Rodney moved his head slightly. His head was wrapped in bandages and he was very pale. "Colonel...?" he said opening his eyes.

"How are you doing ?"

Rodney squinted at him. "My head hurts, Radek's probably trashed the lab," he said quietly. "And I suspect that under all of these bandages Carson's cut my hair. I think that's enough right now. What day is it anyway ?"

"Thursday."

"Crap," Rodney said. "The Daedalus came in yesterday, didn't it."

"Oh," John understood. "Don't worry Rodney," he said smiling. "I'll organize a raid on the kitchen stores for you."

"It's getting harder once they get to the kitchen. Cook's getting wise to us. I have a couple of contacts on the ship though."

"So that's how come you always have coffee."

"That and several of the junior scientists have been known to forgo their rations..."

John thought about that for a moment. Yeah if he worked in Rodney's lab he'd sooner do without than be near Rodney with a caffeine withdrawal headache.

"What ?" Rodney asked.

"Nothing. I'll check out the blue jello too."

"Really ?" Rodney smiled.

"It's the least that I can do."

Just then Carson came back in, a plate of food in his hand.

"Oh great," said Rodney. "I'm starving."

"You're also on a light diet for a couple of days," Carson said putting his plate down well out of Rodney's reach. He walked over to the bed. "How are you feelin' ?" he asked.

"Got a headache."

"Well that's to be expected, " Carson said checking the monitors. "I'll get you some jello," he added.

"The blue kind ?"

Carson shook his head as he walked away. "Aye laddie," he said. "The blue kind."

John grinned. "Yep," he thought. "Rodney's gonna be just fine."

oOo

That's it for this one. I got a bit carried away with the dialog but I just couldn't resist.

Please review.

Debbie


	5. Sparring With Ronon

**Disclaimer:** The usual...

Ok an up to date (?) one with Doctor Keller for once. This was inspired by an episode of Hawaii Five-O where Danny was wounded by a vietnam vet and "held" in a hospital.

I just kinda envisioned what would happen if that was Ronon...?

**Sparring With Ronon**

Rodney McKay still wasn't sure exactly how he had managed to land the blow.

He and Ronon Dex had just been having their weekly "torture session", as Rodney had labelled it, in the practice area with wooden swords. Only this time instead of it ending with Rodney gasping for breath it had ended with Ronon sprawled on the floor, a large welt just over his right eye.

Now, standing in the infirmary in his white judo suit, Rodney watched as Doctor Jennifer Keller dabbed antiseptic on Ronon's head as he sat cheerfully on the end of an exam bed. As he removed the padding from his waist Rodney was listening to Doctor Keller.

"...possible concussion. This is not the first time that you've been struck there..."

"I'm fine," Ronon amiled. "It was a lucky shot," he added looking at McKay. "It won't happen again..."

Rodney swallowed hard. "I...I'm sorry," he stammered. "I didn't mean..."

"Don't worry, McKay," Ronon said. "Now I know what you're capable of."

"I don't even know how I did that!"

Ronon slid off the end of the table as Doctor Keller stepped back pulling off her gloves. "I would say be careful but..." she said shrugging.

"Just don't be bragging about it, McKay," Ronon said approaching him.

"Don't worry, I...Ronon ?"

Ronon had suddenly stopped, looking dizzy. He raised his right hand to his temple.

A marine, who had been chatting to one of the nurses, stepped forward and gripped Ronon by the shoulders to steady him.

Then all hell broke loose.

Ronon lifted his head, a crazed look on his face. "Wraith!" he shouted.

"What ?" Rodney said looking around and stepping towards him. "Where ?"

Rodney looked back in time to see Ronon push the marine to the ground, deftly removing the man's sidearm as he did so. He pointed the weapon at the fallen man.

"No!" Rodney yelled reaching for Ronon.

The explosion from the handgun was loud in the small area of the infirmary.

Rodney felt pain exploding just to the left of his navel and he looked down open mouthed as a large red stain started to spread across the front of his white jacket.

Red flashes streaked across the infirmary as Ronon unholstered his own sidearm. Doctor Keller dove for cover behind a fallen table as the nurse fell unconscious to the floor next to her. She pulled the woman out of the line of fire and she noticed that the marine had already been stunned by an earlier shot.

Rodney's knees buckled and he fell, striking his head on a table as he dropped.

Ronon scanned the room. Without a word he stuffed the handgun into his belt and reaching down he grabbed McKay by his collar and pulled the unconscious scientist down a short hallway to the right of the infirmary.

Shots from Ronon's weapon kept everyone back as he pulled McKay into the storeroom at the end of the hallway and out of the line of sight.

Black scorch marks on the wall showed where Ronon's gun was no longer set to "stun".

Doctor Keller stood up slowly, regaining her composure somewhat. She reached up to her ear and tapped her radio. "Colonel Carter, Colonel Sheppard," she said. "We have a situation in the infirmary."

oOo

Colonel Samantha Carter, Colonel John Sheppard and Teyla Emmagan studied the computer screen showing the video feed from the storage room. They watched in silence as Ronon paced the room, constantly checking the doorway and the window.

Rodney lay sprawled on the floor. Blood was obvious across the front of his jacket and he appeared to still be unconscious.

John broke the silence. "He shouted "wraith"," he said. "Are you sure ?"

"Oh yes," Doctor Keller replied as she steadied the now recovering nurse. "And he acted as of Sergeant Samuels were the enemy."

"I sense no wraith presence," Teyla said.

"I think that it's the concussion," Keller said. "It's affected his thinking."

"And why would he shoot Doctor McKay and then drag him into another room and guard him ?" Teyla asked.

"Good question," John said.

"Has anyone tried talking to him ?" Sam asked.

"No one can get close," Keller answered. "Any sign of movement and he's firing down the hallway. We thought we'd wait for you."

John tapped his radio. "Ronon," he said. "It's John Sheppard. Talk to me, buddy."

They watched the monitor as Ronon shook his head and, snatching the radio from his ear, he stomped on it.

"Well so much for the direct approach." John tapped his radio again. "McKay," he said. "McKay...Rodney...?"

Rodney was vaguely aware of John's voice. It seemed a long way away. His head was throbbing and his side hurt. Moving slightly he reached up automatically with his left hand and tapped the earpiece. "Colonel..?" he said weakly.

Ronon reacted immediately. He stepped away from the door and, kneeling down next to him, he clamped his hand firmly over Rodney's mouth. Rodney grunted in pain.

"Quiet, commander," Ronon hissed. "You'll alert them to our presence."

The sound carried over Rodney's radio. John and Sam looked at each other. Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Commander..?" Teyla said quietly.

Ronon released Rodney and went back to the doorway as Rodney concentrated on breathing. Rodney reached across with his right hand and held it against his stomach wound, trying instinctively to slow the bleeding. He looked up at the camera in the corner of the room, knowing that they were watching. He silently mouthed the words, "Help me."

oOo

John pressed a button on the computer and turned up the audio to match the video feed from the storage room and then he pushed the button to turn off his radio. "We could push some gas in there," he said.

"No," Doctor Keller said. "No gas."

"Why not ?" Sam asked.

"If you use tear gas and start Rodney coughing," she answered. "You'll decrease his chances by ninety percent. If you use an anesthetic you'll supress his breathing with the same result. Besides," she added. "The ventilation system in that room is connected to the infirmary recovery room. And I've got two babies in there."

"So no gas then," John said. "How long have we got, doc ?"

Keller looked at John, a puzzled look on her face.

"Before Rodney bleeds to death, " he clarified.

"It's hard to tell. I didn't get a chance to see the wound. But judging from the apparent blood loss," she glanced at the bloodstain still on the floor. "He'll probably be going into shock within thirty minutes. After that..."

"We will not be able to force Ronon out in that time," Teyla said.

Sam pressed the button on her radio. "Doctor Heightmeyer," she said. "Please come to the main conference room, immediately."

oOo

...to be continued...

Ok I really can't leave it there can I.

Debbie


	6. Sparring With Ronon Part II

**Disclaimer:** the usual yada yada

Previously on Stargate Atlantis...Read chapter 5 (seriously!!)

**And now the conclusion...**

Rodney turned his head towards Ronon who was crouched by the hallway keeping watch.

"Ronon..." he said. "Ronon..."

Ronon stepped closer to him, still watching the hall. "Quiet," he said. "You will betray our position to the wraith."

"There are no wraith. We're in Atlantis."

"Your blood loss has deluded you," Ronon said. "We must protect the gate until re-enforcements can arrive."

"Re-enforcements ?" Rodney thought for a moment. "They're already here. You have to let them through..."

"They are wraith !" Ronon hissed menacingly. Rodney swallowed hard. "Don't worry commander," he said moving back to the hallway entrance. "I won't let them take us alive."

"Thank you," Rodney said quietly. "Thank you for that."

oOo

In the conference room Sam, John, Teyla, Radek Zelenka, Kate Heightmeyer and Jennifer Keller watched and listened to the conversation on the computer monitor.

"So why does he think we're the wraith ?" John asked. "Why aren't we the re-enforcements ?"

"I have no idea," Kate Heightmeyer said. "With this kind of delusion there is no logic."

"So how do we convice him we're the good guys ?"

"Act out his fantasy. Play the part."

"He said that they had to protect the gate," Sam said. "Help will be coming through the gate."

"Well we can hardly lug the gate up to the infirmary," John said.

"Perhaps we could make it appear so," Teyla said.

"A holographic projection," Radek said. "And accompaning sound effects."

"And then you appear as the rescuing commander," Kate Heightmeyer said. "If he believes the illusion he'll let you through."

"And if he doesn't ?"

"He'll probably kill you."

"Wonderful..."

"How long to set it up, Radek ?" Sam asked.

"About ten minutes to make a recording and set up the emitters at the corner of the hall."

"Do it," Sam said and Radek nodded and left.

"I'll get you an anesthetic syringe, " Doctor Keller said.

"Of course you'll have to dress the part," Kate Heightmeyer said.

oOo

A few minutes later John met the others in the hallway to the side of the storage room. Teyla had got the clothes for him and John stood pulling awkwardly at the vest.

"Couldn't I wear something a little less...revealing ?" he said. The leather vest was cut down to his waist and was sleeveless, like Ronons'. "This feels weird."

"He has to believe you're a Satedan," Sam said. "So you can hardly run in in your BDU's nor can you be carrying a stunner."

"Hence the hypo. Yeah I get it. How will I know if he buys it ?"

"He won't kill you," Sam said smiling.

Radek walked up to them, a data padd in his hand. "It is ready," he said.

"Remember," Kate Heightmeyer said. "You have to act like a Satedan commander. If he doesn't believe you he'll kill you and then he'll kill Rodney."

"Right...No pressure...OK let's go."

Radek pushed a button on the computer and the simulation began.

oOo

Inside the storage room Ronon leapt to his feet at the sound of chevrons locking into place.

"The gate !" he said.

"That's not...possible..."

"It could be the re-enforcements," Ronon said clearly excited. "Or more wraith..!"

Blue lights flashed up the hallway and the unmistakeable sound of a wormhole forming filled the room.

"This cannot be happening..." Rodney muttered.

"Ronon !" John Sheppard called down the hallway. "Ronon, it's commander ...er...Cogburn...We have the gate. The wraith are on the run..."

John started to make his way up the hallway. Aware that he was completely exposed to Ronon's weapon John held his breath as he approached the doorway.

"Commander...?"

"Well done, Ronon," John said entering the room. He looked across at Rodney who was unconscious. "You've saved the ...er...planet. They're on the run."

Behind him the sounds of blasters and red lights flashed down the hallway, generated by Radek's program.

Ronon grabbed John in a full bear hug and John gasped for breath.

"The commander...?" John wheezed.

Ronon released him and turned towards Rodney. "He's been hurt," he said.

As Ronon turned his back John plunged the hypodermic syringe into his shoulder quickly depressing the plunger. Ronon stood up quickly and cried out in alarm. He turned towards John a look of rage on his face. He raised his weapon and pointed it at John's head.

John stood still facing Ronon. He could feel a lump in his throat.

"Why...?" Ronon said. "Are you...?"

The gun dropped from his hand and his eyes rolled back in his head. John caught him as he fell.

Watching on the monitor Doctor Keller saw Ronon fall and immediately ran into the room, her medical team following with a gurney.

They quickly scooped Rodney up onto the gurney and rushed him into the waiting O R as John sat against the wall with Ronon slumped on top of him.

Doctor Kate Heightmeyer walked into the room as a second medical team put Ronon onto a gurney.

"Will he be OK ?" John asked getting up.

"I think so," she answered. "We'll keep him sedated for a while, of course."

"Well before I check on Rodney I think I'll go get changed," John said. "Into something a little more...comfortable."

"I think that looks quite good on you," Teyla said smiling.

"I think that one Ronon on the team is quite enough, thank you," John said making as dignified an exit as possible as both Teyla and Sam laughed.

oOo

Several days later John was visiting Rodney in the infirmary as Ronon walked in.

Rodney was sitting up in bed, an open laptop in front of him. He stopped in mid sentence as Ronon stopped awkwardly at the end of the bed.

"I must say I'm impressed at Radek's program considering..."

Ronon shuffled from foot to foot. "Doctor Keller said you'd be out of here soon," he said. "I'm...er...sorry," he added.

"It's OK," Rodney said. "You didn't know what you were doing. At least nobody got killed. I'm kinda sorry that I passed out before John appeared in that outfit..."

John smiled a crooked smile. "And it's being permanently retired," he said. "If this happens again you're on your own, McKay."

"Had the weirdest dream though," Rodney said. "John Wayne riding down the halls and he was dressed like Ronon..."

"Who ?" Ronon asked.

"I'll show you the movie," John said.

They both looked at him.

"True Grit," he smiled.

Rodney rolled his eyes and went back to tapping on his laptop.

Ronon looked quizzically at John. "Sounds interesting," he said.

fin

There you go

Put the John Wayne reference in for kicks and grins

Also the thought of John dressed as Ronon...

Debbie


	7. All That Glitters

**Disclaimer: **the usual

**All That Glitters...**

The four men met in the shadows.

"We must stop Sheppard's team."

"If they leave we will be discovered for sure. All will be lost."

"I know how to stop them."

"You must do it quickly. They leave in fifteen minutes."

The man nodded and they left in different directions.

oOo

Rodney was almost ready. He had just finished tying his boots when the chimes sounded at his door.

"I'm coming !" he yelled grabbing his tac vest off a chair as he went to the door. "I don't know what the fuss is," he said opening it. "I've got five..."

As the door opened the man punched Rodney between the eyes cutting him off in mid sentence.

"Ow !" Rodney yelled and covered his nose with his hands dropping his vest as he stepped back from the door. Blood gushed from his nose and Rodney squinted in pain. "What the...?"

The mans second blow caught Rodney on the right side of his temple and he dropped to the floor unconscious.

Without a word the man stepped back out into the hallway. Making sure that he kept his face away from the closed circuit cameras he closed the door and calmly walked away.

oOo

Ten minutes later the rest of the team was waiting in the gateroom. John Sheppard checked his watch for the third time in as many minutes.

"He's late," Ronon observed.

John tapped his radio. "Rodney," he said. "McKay..."

"It is unlike Rodney to be late without letting us know," Teyla said.

John glanced sideways at her. He didn't say so but he was getting concerned too. He would've called with an excuse by now. Rodney had an uncanny sense of time.

"Let's start by checking his lab," John said. "It's usually his last stop...Chuck..."

"Yes sir ?"

"If you see McKay keep him here and call me."

"Right."

The lab was dark and deserted. Ronon flicked the overhead lights on as John walked in.

"He hasn't been here," John said gesturing towards Rodney's open laptop on his desk. "He rarely leaves without this."

"His quarters then ?" Ronon asked.

John nodded in reply.

"Perhaps he is sick ?" Teyla said.

"He would've called," John said as they went down the hall. "Or Carson would've let us know."

They stopped at the door and rang the chimes. John ran his hand over the sensor and was surprised when the door opened. He had expected it to be locked.

"Rodney ?" John said stepping forward into the dark room. His boot touched something and he bent down and picked up Rodney's vest.

Ronon reached to his left and turned on the lights.

" Rodney! " Teyla said.

Rodney lay still on the floor. A pool of blood had formed on the carpet.

John moved quickly over to him and turning him onto his back he checked his neck for a pulse.

Ronon was checking the rest of Rodney's quarters as John tapped his radio. "Carson," he said.

"Beckett here."

"Rodney's in his quarters and he's unconscious and bleeding from his nose."

"Don't move him. I'll be right there."

"No one else here," Ronon said coming back into the main room. "Is he OK ?"

"He's breathing and his pulse is good," John said.

As he spoke Carson came running to the door. He was followed by two interns with a gurney. Carson rapidly checked Rodney's breathing and his eyes and then they loaded him onto the gurney.

"What happened ?" John asked as they followed the interns to the infirmary.

"Too early to tell," Carson said pointing them towards the waiting room. "But it looks to me like someone attacked him." He closed the door and John and the others were left outside.

"We had better inform Doctor Weir," Teyla said.

John nodded and headed towards her office as Ronon and Teyla sat down to wait.

oOo

John had returned from Elizabeth's office by the time that Carson came back out.

"How is he ?" John asked.

"Well he has a concussion and a very badly bruised nose," Carson replied. "He's gonna hurt for a few days but he'll be fine. I'll be keeping him here for observation for tonight. Strictly routine. "

"Can we see him ?" Teyla asked.

"Aye for a few minutes. Don't know how much sense he'll make though. I've given him some pain medication. "

Rodney was propped up in the bed on several pillows. A large bandage covered his nose and another was on the side of his head. His eyes were closed and puffy and he looked pale in the overhead light. An IV solution dripped into his left hand and the monitors beeped out a steady rhythm.

John touched Rodney lightly on his right shoulder and he opened his eyes slightly.

"Hey," John said. "What happened ?"

Rodney lifted his right hand to his face and winced in pain.

"Easy," John said.

"I...I'm not sure..."

"Carson said someone attacked you," Ronon said from the end of the bed.

"Do you remember anything at all ?" Teyla asked from the left side of the bed.

"I remember a...a marine..."

"What ? A marine ? Who ?" John said.

"I...I don't know," Rodney continued still holding his head. "The doorbell rang, I opened the door...It was a marine and...he hit me..."

"And then what ?"

"And then I'm here..."

"Are you sure it was a marine ?" Ronon asked.

"Saw...the uniform..."

"But not his name," John said.

Rodney shook his head weakly, clearly in pain. "I'm sorry...I..."

Carson approached the group. "That's enough for tonight," he said. "He needs to rest."

John nodded and moved away. "See you tomorrow," he said as they left.

Rodney lifted his right hand briefly in acknowledgement as Carson pulled the curtains around the bed.

oOo

The next morning Doctor Weir met with the team in the main conference room. Carson was talking as she entered and sat down.

"...stop being such a baby. Ya have a concussion so no caffeine before tomorrow. And no sneakin' him any either," he added glaring at John who raised both hands off the desk and tried to look innocent.

"That just means that without coffee I'll have a withdrawal headache to match the one that I already have, " Rodney muttered. He was slumped in a chair looking miserable. A large band aid had replaced the bandage that was across his nose and dark circles of bruising ringed both eyes. He was holding a glass of water and a bottle of pain medication.

Teyla sat quietly to his left and Ronon was standing at the back looking amused with the whole situation.

"So what happened ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well it seems," Carson said. "That someone punched Rodney..."

"In the nose." Rodney added.

"And it was a marine," Ronon said.

"Or was dressed like one," John added.

"But why ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah who'd you piss off now ?" John asked.

Rodney glared at him. He tried to give his usual derisive snort but it backfired and he winced in pain and brought his hand up to his face.

"How about we assume that Rodney didn't do anything to motivate this attack ?" Elizabeth said.

"Thank you."

"So what could be the motive ?"

No one said anything. John shrugged.

"Well what was the result then ?" Elizabeth asked.

"He damn near broke my nose."

"Apart from that."

"We did not go to P37630," Teyla said.

"No," John said. "We didn't. We were all set to leave when..."

"Perhaps there is something there..." Teyla said.

"Weren't you following up on Major Lorne's mission ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah," John answered. "There was a doorway that they couldn't get through. He thought that Rodney might be able to open it."

"Maybe someone doesn't want us in there," Ronon said.

"Then I suggest that you leave as soon as possible," Elizabeth said. "If you're up to it, Rodney."

"I'm up to it," Rodney said. "This is personal."

oOo

Fifteen minutes later Rodney met the others in the gateroom. He was stuffing his laptop in it's case and talking to Ronon who was strolling casually behind him.

"...I"m just saying that you didn't have to follow me all the way into the bathroom. Personal space and all that."

"Just following orders, McKay," Ronon answered with a grin.

"I'm sure he didn't mean..."

"Oh yes I did," John said.

"Hum," Rodney said placing the case on his back.

"Good luck," Elizabeth said.

John waved up at her and they stepped through the gate.

No one noticed the shadow that also entered the event horizon.

oOo

Thirty minutes later they were approaching the ruins with the closed door that Lorne's team had discovered several days beforehand.

Rodney was holding a data padd. "Well so far, " he said. "I can't see anything of interest. No energy spikes, no EM fields. Nothing to indicate anything more than abandoned ruins." He looked up. "And they're not even decorative ruins," he added.

John had to agree. It looked like an old church without the steeple, or anything else with any style.

"Well there must be something here," Teyla said. "Or why would someone try to stop us coming here ?"

"There's the door," John said. "What say we find out...Rodney ?"

Ronon stood by Rodney as he bent to examine the door lock. He had an uneasy feeling and was watching for any movement. John moved to the left and Teyla to the right as Rodney pulled the cover off the control panel.

"This is strange," he said. "New door in an old building...Ah..."

"What ?" John said.

"Someone's removed the central control crystal," Rodney said reaching inside. "I should be able to..."

Suddenly a shot rang out and Rodney was propelled forward into the wall.

"Ow!" he yelled covering his face with his hands. His nose was bleeding again.

Reacting swiftly Ronon grabbed Rodney by the back of his vest and threw him bodily into a room to the right side of the door.

Rodney landed on his side, coughing and spluttering in the kicked up dust from the dirt floor. He got to his knees and pulled a hankerchief out of his pocket which he was using to try to stop his nosebleed as the others ran in the door.

Teyla positioned herself at the only window and Ronon stayed by the door as John went to check on Rodney.

"What the hell...?" Rodney stammered.

"I can't see him," Ronon said.

"Nor can I but the shot must have come from that ridge," Teyla said.

"Shot ?" Rodney said.

John pulled the laptop case from Rodney's back and showed it to him. There was a large hole in the middle of the case.

Rodney took it from him and opened it. The laptop sparked and acrid smoke curled up from a matching hole in the machine.

"Holy crap," Rodney said, wide eyed.

"Better than a bullet proof vest," John said.

"We're trapped in here," Ronon said walking over to where John was helping Rodney to his feet. "The sniper has complete control of the situation. If we try to move out of here he can pick us off at will."

"Thank you. Thank you for that," Rodney said still wiping blood from his nose.

Teyla was checking the rest of the room using the light from her P90. She walked back over to the others. "There's another room at the back," she said. "No windows but there is another door. Just like that one," she added.

"Another way in ?" John said.

"Maybe," Rodney said. "Let's check it out."

John gestured towards the entrance and Teyla and Ronon went to keep watch as he followed Rodney into the back room.

Rodney had pulled the cover off the control pad. "Er..." he said looking at John. "Little light here please."

John stepped over and switched the light on on his P90, directing it at the panel. "Can you open it ?" he asked.

Rodney glanced sideways at him. "Please.." he said. "Someone's pulled this crystal too," he continued. "And recently. No cobwebs or dust right here...If I move...and bridge...Ah..."

The door slid open with a barely audible whoosh and Rodney got to his feet. "Now," he said turning on his own flashlight. "Let's see what all...whoa!"

"What is it ?" John stepped up behind him and shone his light into the room.

All he could see was...

"Gold," Rodney said. "Treasure..."

"You just couldn't leave it alone..."

John spun around. He froze at the sight of Teyla and Ronon unconscious on the ground with armed marines standing over them. The man who spoke stood in the shadows by the doorway,

Rodney looked over John's shoulder as John shone his light onto the man.

"You !" John said.

"Major Lorne ?" Rodney said. "I don't understand."

"We found the treasure when we came here three days ago and removed the control crystals meaning to come back for it later."

"A negative report so no one would ever investigate this planet," John said.

"Except for some equipment that we had to return for."

"But why ?"

"Because, Doctor McKay, private armies need financing. But one of the marines that were sent with us decided to tell Doctor Weir about the "locked temple door"."

"And the cat was out of the bag," John said. "How did you follow us and get Ronon and Teyla ?"

Lorne held up a small, scarab shaped object.

"An energy shield ?" Rodney asked.

"Not quite. This one acts as a cloak. Didn't quite have enough power left in it to finish the job though."

"But enough to get a sniper through the gate," John observed.

"Until I could legitimately follow with a security detail."

"A hand picked security detail."

"With a jumper. Precisely."

"So now what ?" Rodney asked.

"Now. I'm afraid there's going to be a terrible accident."

John watched as Ronon approached Lorne from behind. Apparently Lorne hadn't hit him as hard as he thought. Rodney looked around. There was no sign of the other marines.

"Something to do with C4 and old ruins ?" John asked.

"After we get the gold out of course."

"You might want to hold that thought, " John said as Ronon grabbed Lorne from behind.

Suddenly Lorne's eyes glowed with a bright light and Ronon found himself flying through the air as Lorne flipped him over his head.

"Goa'uld !" John said pushing Rodney back behind him.

Lorne ran outside. Ronon quickly picked himself up and ran after him.

"Stay here !" John yelled as he followed.

"Staying here," Rodney said. He walked into the other room and he saw where Teyla was guarding the other three marines who were tied together in the corner.

"What was that ?" she said.

"A Goa'uld. It's a slimy snake like alien creature that burrows into peoples heads and takes control of their bodies."

"Sounds unpleasant."

"Hum. Explains a lot though."

John walked back through the door followed by Ronon who was dragging an unconscious Lorne. Ronon looked really happy as he holstered his gun.

Rodney had picked up a gold medallion and was looking at it by the light of the window. "You know," he said. "I'm not sure but I don't think that this is gold. It doesn't feel right. It's not heavy enough. We can get it analyzed of course..."

"Can you seal the doors ?" John asked.

"Permanently ? Yes, of course," Rodney replied.

"Do it and then let's go home."

oOo

"Hermiod is removing the Goa'uld now," Elizabeth said pacing back and forth in the conference room. "Colonel Caldwell is initiating screenings for all of the crew of the Daedalus and the IOA is tightening down on security at their end. This shouldn't happen again."

"I would hope not, " John said. "This galaxy has enough bad guys without bringing any more in."

"Will Major Lorne be all right ?" Teyla asked.

Elizabeth nodded. "We believe so. The others will be up on charges. Private Dunham admitted to the attack on Rodney so he will face additional charges."

"We ran an analysis on a small coin," Rodney said. "What ?"

"I told you to leave it," John said.

"Out of curiosity, Colonel. Lorne or whoever should have taken the time to take a closer look. It's not gold. Just a gold colored alloy. Junk jewelery. I bet the gems weren't real either. "

"Perhaps they were real to whoever put them there," Teyla said.

"One man's treasure is another man's junk," Rodney said.

"And three careers destroyed because of it," Elizabeth said.

"And a nose," added Rodney.

oOo

There it is, another "bad day"

didn't have any trouble coming up with the first scene. It was the whys and whos that gave me trouble

any reviews would be very welcome

debbie


	8. Alien Artifacts

**Disclaimer:** ditto

**Alien Artifacts **

Radek Zelenka removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He sighed. He was tired and incredibly bored. The cataloging of artifacts was necessary but also extremely tedious. It was also something that Rodney McKay managed to completely avoid doing.

Apart from his managing to be offworld at every opportunity Rodney was also blessed with the, albeit artificial, ATA gene. Thus enabling him to dodge this duty on the pretext that he might accidently activate something dangerous. Something he usually managed to do on a regular basis even without trying.

Radek, however, did not have the same excuse. This meant that he was stuck with his share of the cataloging duty. "Ze dite, McKay," he muttered. Putting his glasses back on he picked up the next object. "Catalog number 1739-2," he said softly. Turning it over in his hands he was trying to decide how to describe it. "Half a kilo, egg shaped, black with a groove running top to bottom," he typed. He stopped and held the "egg" under the light for a closer look. He pushed at the groove with a small screwdriver.

"Oh," he said as the object split in half.

oOo

Several days later Rodney was walking towards the lab, his laptop in hand. The team had just returned from a planet where the local population had apparently devised a way of making the naqadah more efficient. Rodney had excitedly downloaded information from their scientists and was eagerly anticipating having a chance to analyze the data. John Sheppard had been trying to look interested as he headed towards the mess hall in search of some real coffee.

"I'll catch up with you," Rodney was saying. "This is going to take a while to upload. Pour me a large cup. This is going to be an all nighter."

"I'll requisition the pot," John said and he kept walking as Rodney tapped his code into the keypad and entered the lab.

Rodney was in a rush to grab some coffee and get back to the data so he quickly plugged his laptop in, started the program and hurried out into the hallway.

John was tired and he was wondering what was on the menu. His thoughts were interrupted by a huge explosion from the direction of Rodney's lab.

"Rodney!" he said and ran quickly back the way he came.

Rodney lay sprawled face down on the floor several feet from the lab door. Acrid smoke billowed out of the room as the fire supression system quickly doused the flames.

John ran to Rodney's side and turned him over. He didn't seem to be burned but blood was trickling from his right ear and he was unresponsive.

Security personnel ran to the lab door. "Is there anyone inside, sir ?" one of the marines asked.

John shook his head. "I don't think so," he replied tapping his radio. "Carson ? Rodney's been hurt."

oOo

The next morning John, Teyla, Ronon and Rodney were waiting in the conference room for doctor Elizabeth Weir.

"Are you sure you're OK ?" John asked.

Rodney glanced up from where he was sitting nursing a large cup of black coffee. "Well apparently I have a mild concussion from where I hit the wall and according to Carson the ringing in my ear will quit in a day or two. The data, on the other hand, is toast."

John got the impression that that upset him more than being hurt.

Elizabeth walked in followed by Radek Zelenka who took the seat next to Rodney.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she said. "I was getting the results of the preliminary investigation."

"It's probably not the first lab you've blown up, McKay," Ronon said.

"Smaller bang than a solar system," John added.

"OK. Firstly I didn't blow anything up." Rodney said. "And secondly, must you bring that up every time something happens? "

"As long as it irritates you, yes."

"Gentlemen, please," Elizabeth said. "Radek ?"

"It was definately not an accident," Radek said. "It seems that there was a bomb with a timer that was triggered when Rodney entered his code."

"So the bomb was set for doctor McKay ?" Teyla asked.

"We don't know that," Radek answered. "For all we know any one of our codes could have triggered it."

"Could someone have been targeting the data that you brought back ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Unlikely. They would have to have known that I would go straight to that particular lab and have had time to prepare the bomb ahead of time," Rodney replied.

"So who would have been able to make this device ?"

"Just about anyone, doctor Weir," Radek answered. "Any of the marines and many of the scientists."

"Any of whom you could have pissed off at any time," John said smiling. "Present company excluded, of course."

"Funny," Rodney said. "Speaking of pissing off I won't be able to get the data again."

"Well you shouldn't have referred to their idol as a...how did you put it ?" John paused as Rodney glared at him. "Oh yes. Ugly butt monstrosity. Especially within earshot of the priest."

"I don't understand how a scientifically advanced society can have such a primitive belief system."

Elizabeth smiled and covered her mouth with her hand. Rodney would never make a diplomat that's for sure.

"Perhaps I will be able to...?" Teyla suggested.

"Good idea," Rodney said. "Take Kusanagi with you. She'll know what to download."

"Meanwhile," Elizabeth said. "Radek I want you to continue with the investigation and in the meantime we can't ignore the fact, Rodney, that you may have been the target."

"And that they might try again," John said.

"Don't worry, McKay," Ronon said slapping him on the back. "I'll watch out for you."

"Thank you," Rodney spluttered. "I think."

oOo

Although it was amusing watching Rodney self destruct for the next few days with Ronon following him everywhere John found himself getting agitated as he anticipated another incident.

Radek and his team hadn't found anything else of use. Any evidence had either been destroyed by the fire or the chemicals. They had cleaned up the lab and were waiting for the data to analyze.

Teyla and Kusanagi had not yet returned but that was not unexpected. It had taken several days of negotiation the first time and that was before Rodney had upset the high priest.

This left them grounded and getting on each others nerves.

"This is the third time that you've been here," Ronon pointed out as they came into the mess hall.

Seeing John, Rodney grabbed some jello and coffee and headed towards him with Ronon in tow.

"I'm nervous. When I get nervous, I eat," he said sitting down. "I can't help it."

Ronon sprawled on the chair opposite him. "We'll catch whoever it is," he said. "As soon as he tries something else."

"And you wonder why I'm nervous ?"

"I almost wish something would happen," John said.

"Oh thank you."

"You know what I mean. Just to get it over with."

Little did John know that he was about to get his wish.

oOo

Rodney was asleep in his quarters. He was so tired that he hadn't gotten changed or got under the covers. He'd just flopped on his bed and passed out.

In the outer room, Ronon was dozing in a reclining chair with his feet propped up on a coffee table. All was quiet.

Suddenly Rodney felt that someone was in the room. Red eyes glowed at him from the side of the bed. Hands reached for his throat...he couldn't breathe...

He sat upright in the bed. A cold sweat had formed on his forehead. No one was there. But he was still having trouble breathing. He was gasping for air and his breath was wheezing in his throat. He could smell lemon in the air...

"Oh God," he thought as the room spun and he started to lose consciousness. He tried to cry out to wake Ronon but he couldn't get enough air to make a sound.

Desperate, he reached for a glass on his bedside table, intending to throw it. He missed grabbing it but the glass fell to the floor with a clatter.

"McKay !"

Rodney heard his name and felt Ronon catch him as he fell, unconscious, off the side of the bed.

oOo

Rodney became aware of voices in the room.

"It was a miracle that he woke up. If you hadn't called me..." Carson said. "It was a severe anaphylactic reaction."

"Someone put a plate of cut up lemons in the air vent," John said. "It was clearly McKay they were after."

Rodney opened his eyes and blinked in the bright light of the infirmary. Carson noticed and moved over to the side of the bed. John and Ronon followed.

"Hey," he said. "How ya doin' ?"

"Good," Rodney said quietly. "I can breathe again." He always felt drained after something like this happened. An IV dripped into his left hand and the monitors were beeping in the background. He rubbed at the nasal canula and squinted at the clock. "Is it morning ?" he asked.

"Aye. You were out for about seven hours."

Rodney found his hand was shaking as he tried to reach for a glass of water. John handed it to him.

"You're gonna be jittery for a while until the epinephrine wears off. I'm gonna prescribe steroids for a few days. I'll take that IV out and you can go in about an hour. As soon as you're steady on your feet. But take it easy. "

Rodney didn't need telling that. "Did I hear you say that someone put lemons in the air vent ?"

"Yeah," John said. "And we have no idea who so we're no better off than before."

"Except that we now know for sure that they're after you," Ronon added.

"Wonderful."

"You know this isn't working," John said. "We need a better plan."

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to like this plan ?"

"Because you're the bait," Ronon said.

oOo

"I tell you, Ronon, I've had enough !" Rodney yelled as he walked swiftly across the mess hall. Ronon walked behind him. "I'm an adult," Rodney continued. "I can look after myself, thank you !"

"Sheppard says otherwise."

"I don't care what the colonel says. I'm going to my lab to study the data and I'm going alone ! For the last time. I don't need a babysitter !"

Ronon watched as Rodney left in the direction of his lab.

oOo

Several minutes later Rodney was sitting at his laptop in the darkened lab. A single lamp on his desk left all of the corners obscured.

"Hope he takes the bait soon," John said from the corner opposite the door. "This stool is murder on my back."

"Stop complaining," Rodney said quietly. "At least you don't have a target on your back."

"You're facing the door."

"Whatever."

The night went slowly for John Sheppard.

Rodney, engrossed in the newly acquired data scrolling across his screen, hardly seemed to notice the passage of time.

A clock in another room chimed three times. John shifted his position to ease his back just as a figure appeared silhouetted in the doorway.

Eyes glowed red with an eerie light and a deep voice spoke. "McKay..."

Rodney looked up and pushed himself away from the desk. He stood up as the figure slowly approached. A large knife blade flashed in the light.

John, now also standing, flicked on the main light.

Rodney drew in a breath. "Radek ?" he said backing away.

"His body," the voice was disturbing, evil. "Not the mind..."

Rodney was slowly backing towards his EM generator in the middle of the room. John circled around towards Zelenka.

"Why ?" John asked.

The red eyes turned towards him. "Bitterness...resentment...I feed...on fear..."

Radek lunged towards Rodney. John launched himself at him, knocking him to the side.

Rodney turned to the EM generator and turned it on as Radek threw John off him. John hit the wall hard and slid to the floor, dazed.

Radek turned his attention back to Rodney. Rodney moved to his left away from the machine, facing Radek. "Can we talk?" he said.

Radek laughed and it sent a shiver down Rodney's spine. Suddenly he leapt towards Rodney, the knife raised high.

Rodney fell backwards with Radek on top of him. Radek brought the knife down with such force that the blade embedded itself in the floor by Rodney's head.

Letting go of the knife Radek grabbed Rodney by the throat. Rodney couldn't break his grip and spots started to dance before his eyes as his brain was starved of oxygen.

John was getting to his feet. Rodney gestured wildly towards the EM generator that was humming loudly, the red overload light shining brightly.

Understanding, John hit the discharge button. The machine emitted a massive EM pulse and shut down. Radek screamed and collapsed. A glowing red gaseous figure emerged from his body and dissipated in a sudden flash.

John moved over to Rodney and helped him up. "Are you OK ?" he asked.

Rodney nodded, holding his throat and gasping for breath. He watched as John checked Radek. "Is he...?"

"He's breathing," John tapped his radio. "Carson ?"

Rodney stood up and glanced across the lab. "Oh shit !" he said rushing over to his computer.

John looked at him. "What ?" he asked.

Rodney slammed the lid down in disgust. "I fried the data," he said. "Again !"

oOo

Radek lay propped up in the bed in the infirmary. John and Rodney stood to one side. Carson on the other.

"I believe that there's no residual effects," Carson said. "I'll release him in the morning. I just want to keep him under observation for tonight."

"I do not remember anything after opening the artifact," Radek said. "I'm sorry," he added.

"Well whatever that egg was it was destroyed in the first lab explosion," Rodney said. "Probably just as well."

Ronon walked in. "Teyla's gone back to Q17437 with Kusanagi," he said. "She wasn't too happy..."

"She's not the only one," Rodney snorted. "I've had to fix computer problems all over the city and to add insult to injury from what I saw of the data I'm not even sure that it will work with our systems."

"Then why send her back ?" John asked.

"Because I can't be certain until I've seen it all."

"Perhaps I can help ?" Radek suggested.

"Yeah since I don't think it's a good idea for you to be cataloging stuff."

"Really ? Thank you."

Rodney nodded. "See you tomorrow," he said.

"You're just a softy," John said as they left.

Rodney shot him a look. "Ha!" he said. "For my own safety. Did you see the size of that knife...?"

"Just like Crocodile Dundee."

"Who ?"

"You'd like him, Ronon..."

oOo

I don't think that Rodney's destined to get that data do you ??

debbie


	9. Offworld Adventure

**disclaimer:** the usual yada yada

**Offworld Adventure**

The first thing that Rodney became aware of was the pain. It started in the middle of his back and radiated down to his right ankle. He groaned and opened his eyes.

"Easy Rodney," John said. "Don't try to move."

Rodney looked up. "What...what happened..?" he asked weakly.

"We were climbing up the cliff, remember ?" John said.

"Ah..." Rodney replied. "The energy reading...we were going to...investigate.."

"Yes," John answered. "There was an earthquake, a tremor. Ronon fell."

"And we were tethered together.."

"Yes."

"Ronon...? You...?"

"We fell into the canyon. Ronon is out cold but I think he's OK. You...you cushioned my fall..."

"And..?"

"And I think you're...er...impaled on a branch or something..I can't tell for certain but you're bleeding. Not real bad as far as I can see but you mustn't move...OK."

"O...K..."

"I'm gonna have to check it out," John said holding his knife where Rodney could see it. "Try to cut you loose..."

Rodney looked at John and then the knife. He took a breath and nodded, closing his eyes.

John reached underneath Rodney's back with his left hand. Rodney gasped in pain.

"I can feel the branch," John said. "Hold on.."

"Do I...have a ...choice..?"

Supporting Rodney's back with his left hand John cut through the stick. It took several seconds and Rodney winced in pain and gasped.

"Sorry," John said as he finished.

Rodney nodded. "I know," he said quietly.

John turned him onto his left side. The stick jutted out of Rodney's lower back just to the right of his spine. It took a few minutes but John managed to wrap a bandage around him. He gently turned Rodney back onto his back. Rodney was breathing heavily, clearly in pain.

"I'm gonna check on Ronon," he said patting Rodney on his right shoulder.

Rodney nodded. " 'K," he said.

Ronon was starting to move. As John reached him he sat up, looking around.

"You OK ?" John asked.

"Yeah," Ronon said. "You ?"

"I'll be stiff tomorrow. Rodney's hurt, we need to put a stretcher together."

Ronon got to his feet. "What do we need ?" he asked.

"I've got the canvas in my pack. We just need a couple of poles."

"Right," Ronon said as he headed off into the trees.

It wasn't long before Ronon came back carrying two poles. John could see where he had just snapped the small trees off at their base. Ronon ripped the bark off until they fit into the premade stretcher from John's gear.

They carefully lifted Rodney onto the stretcher, putting him on his side.

Picking up the stretcher they started back towards the jumper.

oOo

After about half a mile Ronon suddenly stopped. He bent down and placed the head of the stretcher on the ground and John followed suit with his end.

"What is it ?" John asked.

Ronon crouched and looked at the ground. Reaching forward he touched some tracks in the soft soil. John walked forward and stood next to him.

"Big animal tracks," Ronon said. "Cat like with large claws. And recent."

"How recent ?"

"Within a day. Maybe just a few hours."

"Wonderful," Rodney said. He started to cough, grunted in pain and clutched his chest with both arms.

John crouched down next to him. "You're coughing up blood," he said. "When were you going to tell us ?"

"When could you..do something about it..?" Rodney answered.

"We can't detour," John said standing up. "We have to get back to the jumper as soon as possible."

Ronon nodded and stood up. Together they lifted the stretcher again and started to walk.

oOo

Ronon was uncomfortable. He didn't like to be incapacitated by carrying a stretcher and with no advance scout. He wished that Teyla had been with them but she was visiting her people on the Athosian settlement and this mission hadn't been deemed dangerous enough to wait for her return.

He was still thinking about that when the big cat pounced.

John saw it as it jumped from the tree but he couldn't do anything about it. He didn't even have time to shout out a warning, or to stop from dropping the stretcher.

It looked like a cross between a mountain lion and a brown bear. It was about the same size as a cougar but with longer claws and teeth and thick brown fur.

And right now it was hissing, spitting and digging its claws into Ronon's shoulders as he held it mere inches from his face.

John tried to take aim at the cat with his P90 but Ronon rolled and he couldn't risk it.

"Ronon !" he yelled. "I can't get a clear shot !"

"It's mine !" Ronon grunted, his hands around its throat.

Suddenly Ronon rolled to a crouch, pinning the animal to the ground. Then, without warning, he flung the beast against a tree, breaking its back. The cat dropped lifeless to the ground.

Ronon stood, breathing heavily. Blood streamed down his right arm from a deep cut on his shoulder. Ronon reached for Rodney's pack. "I'm fine," he said pulling out a field dressing. "See to McKay."

Rodney was hunched on his side, eyes squeezed shut in pain. He was coughing and wheezing.

John put his hand on his shoulder and Rodney opened his eyes. He looked pale and there was fresh blood on the ground by his head.

John was worried. That meant internal bleeding. Either into his lungs or stomach. Or maybe both.

"Is it...dead..?" Rodney asked.

"Yeah," John said. "Didn't stand a chance against Ronon."

Ronon walked up, his shoulder roughly bandaged. "We need to move," he said. "There may be more."

"Always the optimist," Rodney said quietly.

oOo

After two more hours of walking Ronon got to the crest of the hill overlooking where they had parked the jumper. He stopped dead in his tracks forcing John to a halt.

"Ronon ?"

"You remember that bridge across the gorge to the jumper ?"

"Yeah," John answered. "What about it ?"

"It's not there anymore."

"What ?"

They put the stretcher down on the ground and John ran up next to Ronon.

"Must've been the earthquake," Ronon said.

"Crap !"

"We'll have to head downstream. Find another place to cross."

John looked across at the jumper parked tantalizingly close across the river gorge. So close and yet so far.

John looked down at Rodney. He was pale and barely conscious. They didn't have long. "You stay here," he said. "I can move faster by myself. Get across the river to the jumper and fly it back over here."

"There's nowhere to land on this side."

"I won't have to land. Just hover near the bank and let down the door."

"I don't like it. We should stay together."

"Rodney's bleeding internally. We don't have time..."

Ronon nodded reluctantly and John ran towards the gorge. He looked down. The bridge lay shattered at the bottom. It was far too steep to climb down at this point so, briefly waving to Ronon, he headed downstream to his right.

oOo

As the terrain sloped downward the forest started to thicken. Soon John found himself dodging around the trees as he followed the river. The river was broader at this point and the current was flowing swiftly.

John was worried. It was starting to get dark and decidedly chilly and it was beginning to look like there was nowhere else to cross.

He rounded a bend in the river and came to a spot where the river went through a channel. It was much narrower here, only about ten feet across. John looked at a couple of trees that were growing by the bank and had an idea. He tapped his radio.

"Ronon ?"

"I hear you."

"I've found a place I can cross."

"Better hurry. McKay doesn't look good."

"Don't worry if you hear gunfire."

"O...K..."

John closed the radio connection and aimed his P90 at the base of the tree. Several seconds of rapid fire carved a chunk of wood out at the base and the tree started to topple.

John held his breath as it fell directly across the river, bridging the gap.

"Yes !" he yelled. Then suddenly he was hit in the head by a large bird.

Shaking his head he staggered to his feet as it came around for another attack. It was a little bigger than an eagle but with black and red markings. It looked like a large feathered bat only with a beak and claws. Blood flowed into John's eyes where the creature had hit him on the first pass.

John dove to the ground reaching for his P90 where he had dropped it in the grass and he felt the wind rush over him as the bird passed just above him. He rolled onto his back and fired rapidly. The bird landed in the water with a large splash and was instantly swallowed by something in the water that moved with alarming speed.

John wiped the blood out of his eyes and held his hankerchief to his head to try and slow the bleeding. He was glad that he hadn't tried to wade across. Whatever that was it looked big.

He pulled a bandage out of a pocket on his shirt and tied it around his head and then he made his way carefully across the tree to the other side, being careful to keep his feet away from the water as he inched across.

There were less trees on the other side and John made better time heading back to where the jumper was parked. Still it was getting dark as he entered the jumper and started the engines.

He flew across the gorge and turned the jumper, dropping the back door open as he did so. Ronon met him and dragged the stretcher and Rodney on board. As soon as they were inside John closed the door and ascended towards the gate.

"McKay's out cold," Ronon said flopping into the co-pilots chair. "What happened to you ?"

"Got hit by a bird," John answered as he dialled the gate. "Sheppard to Atlantis. Come in please."

oOo

Teyla walked calmly into the infirmary.

"Hello love," Carson said smiling. "How was everything on the settlement ?"

"Seemingly better than here," she said.

"They're all through there," Carson said pointing to the back.

Teyla smiled and walked through the door.

John and Ronon were in two beds to her right. Ronon was bandaged across his chest and shoulders. John was bandaged both around his head and his chest as well.

Rodney lay on the left side. He was asleep and also heavily bandaged. An IV dripped into his hand.

Ronon and John grinned at her and she moved over inbetween them.

"Hey," John said. "It's good to see you."

"Apparently," Teyla said. "I cannot leave you alone for even a short time."

"Wouldn't have been so bad if Sheppard hadn't landed on McKay," Ronon said.

"I wasn't the one who fell," John said indignantly.

"How is Rodney ?"

"He came through the surgery OK. Carson says that he'll be his usual snotty self in a few days," John answered.

"I am glad," Teyla said.

"Me too but don't tell Rodney."

"At least I wasn't floored by a bird !" Ronon snorted.

"It was a big bird !"

Teyla sighed and rolled her eyes.

oOo

love some reviews

debbie


	10. Katies Gift

**disclaimer:** the usual yada yada

**Katie's Gift**

Rodney didn't see the blow coming and he lay gasping for breath on the floor.

Ronon reached down and pulled him easily to his feet. "Come on, McKay," he said. "Don't you want to learn how to defend yourself ?"

Rodney resisted the urge to say what he was thinking. "No Conon. That's what you're for. To protect me from, fill in the blank, bad guys." Instead he just smiled and said, "Hum."

Rodney hadn't been feeling well all morning. And Ronon's "torture session" wasn't helping his headache.

"Oh thank God," he muttered as he heard his name over the intercom.

"Doctor McKay please come to the main lab at your convenience."

Making his escape, heading to his quarters to change (no way was he turning up in a white judo suit unless death was imminent), he thought that he'd have to find a way to thank Radek.

oOo

"You didn't have to come right away," Radek said handing him the data padd. "I just wanted your input on these equations."

Rodney rubbed his temple with his left hand as he looked over the figures. He'd have to see Carson for something for a migraine. He felt stiff too. Of course that could have been Ronon's last maneuver. He wished that they had a chiropractor on base. The last time that he suggested it Carson just snorted and muttered something about "bloody quacks." Just a different branch of voodoo as far as Rodney could see.

"This line isn't correct," Rodney said tapping the padd and handing it back to Radek.

"Ah," Radek said. "Yes, I see.."

"Hum. I'm going to the infirmary. I'll be right back."

"Are you alright ?"

"Headache is all."

"Perhaps you should get some sleep."

"That's just it. I did sleep last night for once."

oOo

That afternoon the team met in the gateroom ready to leave on a routine mission. Rodney was completely unenthused. He'd taken some medicine and even laid down for a couple of hours. If anything his headache was worse. And now he felt queasy too. It was turning into a long day.

A survey team on a dig had found an interesting artifact too big to easily transport so Rodney was being dragged to the planet to check it out.

Once at the site they were greeted by an excited Doctor Brayton. He was a mousey little man but his enthusiasm was totally wasted on Rodney.

"Archaeology is the key to the future," he was saying. "Don't you agree ?"

John smiled anticipating Rodney's answer.

Rodney stopped and stared at the man. He looked at him as if he hadn't bathed in a few days. Which given the conditions on the planet was entirely possible.

"Doctor," Rodney said icily. "I regard archaeology with the same level of enthusiasm as I have for cleaning out the cat litter box. And usually with the same result."

Doctor Brayton stared wide eyed for a moment. "Oh," he said. "I see...er...this way."

He led them to an obelisk next to a door. Symbols on the obelisk matched symbols on the door. "It seems to be some kind of code," Doctor Brayton said. "The key seems to..."

"Yes, yes," Rodney interrupted. Kneeling by the door he started looking at the controls.

John looked around for somewhere to sit. This was going to take a while.

oOo

Despite Rodney's distain of archaeology he did enjoy puzzles and once embroiled in the conundrum they barely got a word out of him for the next two hours.

"Aha !" he said triumphantly as the door swung silently open.

Doctor Brayton was ecstatic with the room full of ancient scrolls. Rodney was upset at the waste of time with little result.

Although he had to admit that his headache had disappeared and he was feeling better he spent the entire walk back to the gate muttering about having better things to do.

Ronon was ready to throw him through the event horizon by the time that they arrived. Restraining himself he watched as Rodney dialled the gate. "Never mind, McKay," he said as he walked past him. "We'll be able to get back to training now."

"Oh. Great." Rodney said as he followed.

oOo

Rodney woke up the next morning with his headache back in full force. He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling as the sun streamed in through the window. He coughed and winced in pain, turning on his side as he did so. There was blood on his pillow. He got up and checked his mirror. He'd had a nosebleed in the night. Sighing he headed for the bathroom to splash cold water on his face.

Rodney spent a miserable day in his lab. Usually he enjoyed research but he felt so foul that nothing he stared at made any sense and everyone stayed away from him.

John caught up with him in the mess hall that afternoon. Rodney was slumped in a chair at a table by himself with his head in his hands. His lunch and coffee were untouched by his elbow.

"Hey," John said cheerfully sitting opposite him.

Rodney slowly lifted his head and glanced briefly at him. "Hi," he said softly.

"You look like crap."

"Thank you."

"Seriously. You need to go to the infirmary," John said. "And get some rest."

"I've been sleeping," Rodney said. "Hasn't helped."

"Come on," John said getting up. "I'm taking you to Carson."

oOo

Carson met them at the door to the infirmary. "Oh God," he said. "Not you too."

"Too ?" John said steering Rodney to a chair.

"Aye. There seems to be a rash of migraines. Here, I'll get you somethin'. The engineers are checking the air filtration systems but I don't know why only certain people are affected." Carson gave Rodney a couple of pills and a glass of water. "It's in different areas of the city too."

"Probably some weird allergen," Rodney said swallowing the medicine.

"Maybe. Meanwhile, go and lie down. This stuff'll make you sleepy."

"I'll make sure he gets home," John said.

"Thanks mum," Rodney muttered getting up. He felt woozy and swayed slightly.

"Careful," Carson said. "Go and rest."

For once Rodney didn't argue.

oOo

He awoke several hours later in the darkness of his room. His head was still pounding and he barely staggered to the bathroom in time before he threw up. Blood dripped into the sink as he washed his face and his nose started to bleed again.

He soaked a washcloth in cold water and held it over his face. Still holding it on his forehead he sat on the bed and looked at the clock. Three seventeen am. Wonderful.

He thought about going back to the infirmary but decided instead to just go back to bed and try to sleep it off. This proved to be an exercise in futility. He tossed and turned until sunlight streamed in through his window and the washcloth was wet with blood.

He sat on his bed feeling miserable. He had two choices. Go to the infirmary or go to the lab. He looked at the blood soaked washcloth and sighed. He decided to go to the infirmary.

Carson was still there. Either he started real early or he hadn't had much sleep either. When Rodney came in the door Carson walked towards him.

"Good grief," he said steering Rodney towards a bed. "Did ya sleep at all ?"

"Some," Rodney answered. "Can't shake this headache and my nose keeps bleeding."

"Sit still, let me check your blood pressure. My God man, why didn't you come in earlier ?"

Rodney shrugged. "Thought I might be able to sleep it off," he said lying down.

"Well your blood pressure's up a little but not very much," Carson said. "Pretty normal for you actually. I'm gonna keep you here. Sedate you for a bit. See if that will help that migraine."

"How's everybody else ?"

"Still a lot of headaches. Only a couple of nosebleeds though."

"That's...nice..." Rodney drifted off to sleep as the anesthetic kicked in. Carson switched on the monitors and left him to sleep.

oOo

When he woke up he actually felt halfway decent. The headache had eased and he was ready to eat.

"I'm giving you another sedative for tonight," Carson said. "Take it before bed alright ?"

"Thanks," Rodney put the pills in his pocket and headed to the mess hall.

oOo

Rodney was on his second bagel when John came in and sat down. He pushed a cup of coffee across to Rodney who accepted it gratefully.

"Did you hear the news ?" John asked.

"No, what ?"

"They found Brianna Perkins dead in her quarters this morning."

"Brianna ? Isn't she that red headed botanist that works with Katie ?"

"I think so I really didn't know her."

"Me neither. I just remember her being in the lab. What happened ?"

"Don't know. Carson's gonna do an autopsy." John looked into his coffee cup. "It's weird," he continued. "She hasn't even been offworld."

oOo

Carson met with Elizabeth in her office. He had just come from doing the autopsy.

"She was poisoned," he said.

"Deliberately ? Was she murdered ?"

"I don't think so. It was a plant toxin. We're checking the botany lab and her quarters now. Didn't find any puncture marks so I think it was somethin' airborne."

"Why didn't the city detect it ?"

"I don't know. Maybe it doesn't recognize it as a toxin. It's possible that it's something that the ancients hadn't encountered before." Carson looked tired. "I'll let you know as soon as I find out something."

Elizabeth nodded as Carson turned and left.

oOo

Katie had brought a selection of plants that Brianna had been working with in the lab and she also brought the plants from her quarters. Carson and his staff spent the rest of the day checking them all. Finally, late that evening, they found it.

Carson met with Elizabeth, John and Katie in the conference room. He had a small cactus like plant with a bright red flower sealed in a bell jar.

"I don't understand," Katie said. "We tested the spines months ago and it was harmless."

"It's the flower," Carson said. "It produces a toxin when it's in the dark. As long as it's in the light it's inert."

"So the ones in the lab...?"

"Are in the light so they're OK. It was the ones that she had in her quarters."

Katie's eyes widened in shock. "Oh my God," she said. "I gave Rodney one of those..."

Carson looked at John. "I gave him a sedative..."

Without a word John ran towards Rodney's quarters. Carson ran after him as Elizabeth called for a medical team to meet them there.

"Rodney ?" John said entering his quarters and putting on the light. "Rodney !"

Rodney lay sprawled across his bed. He didn't respond when John shook him.

Carson checked him as the medical team came in with a gurney. "He's breathing," Carson said. "Let's get him to the infirmary and get him on some oxygen. And get rid of that thing !" He pointed to a small table in the corner. Sitting innocently on it was a small cactus with a bright blue flower.

oOo

"Well Katie feels pretty bad about it, of course," Rodney said a few days later as they had lunch. "Although everyone told her it wasn't her fault."

"Apparently," Teyla said. "She'd given about a dozen of them away. But there was no problem until they produced a flower."

"Well it seems that it's a defense mechanism to keep predators away from the seed pod or something," Rodney said.

"Elizabeth's giving a memorial service for Brianna tomorrow," John said.

"Yeah. Katie asked me to go," Rodney replied.

"We'll come too," John said.

"Thanks. Katie will appreciate that."

"Then we can get back to training," Ronon added.

"Oh God," Rodney said putting his head in his hands. "You know I think I can feel that headache coming back..."

oOo

Hope you like these

reviews would be great ;-)

debbie


	11. Indiana McKay

**Disclaimer**:yada yada

With Indiana Jones in vogue at the moment I thought that it would be fun to do an Atlantis based adventure "a la Indie".

Of course Rodney is after a zed p m not a crystal skull.

Here is my effort. Enjoy.

(of course we all know that this isn't going to go well...)

**Indiana McKay**

"They have a fully charged zed p m."

"As far as we can tell."

"And they're not using it."

Elizabeth didn't look convinced. "Gentlemen," she said looking at John and Rodney. "Didn't you say that it was an intregal part of their object of worship ?"

"Well it's part of their statue, yes," Rodney admitted.

"Kinda in the middle," John added.

"The statue's holding it," Ronon elaborated.

"But it's not using it for anything," Rodney said.

"As far as you can ascertain ?" Elizabeth asked.

"They have spears for God's sake," Rodney said. "What do they want a zed p m for ?"

"It might have a use we do not know of," Teyla mentioned.

Rodney shot her a "you're not helping" look. "We'll put another one in it's place just one with less power...a lot less power," he added quietly.

Elizabeth stared at him with her arms crossed.

"Look it will last them for a hundred years."

"And then what ?" Elizabeth asked.

Rodney looked confused. "Then...er...I'll make a note to self to go check on them ?...Maybe sooner ?...OK. Fine. We'll make absolutely sure that it's not running anything important," he conceded.

"And how exactly are you planning to acquire the zpm ?" Elizabeth asked.

"They're a primitive people."

"Spears still do damage, Rodney," Carson said.

"They will probably object to you taking it," Elizabeth said.

"It's not guarded," Ronon said.

"They only go in there for ceremonies," Rodney said. "And we'll put another in it's place. They'll never know."

"Like taking candy from a baby," John said.

"A big ugly, stone baby," Rodney added.

Elizabeth still didn't look convinced.

"I feel that we are betraying these people's trust," Teyla said.

"But they're not using it," Rodney whined.

"And we do really need a fully charged zpm," John said. "For the shield and chair."

"Just because we need it doesn't mean that it's right to take it," Elizabeth said.

"Exchange it," John said.

"We'll leave one in return."

Elizabeth sighed. It was like having a room full of hungry children and one cookie jar.

"All right," Elizabeth said. "But for the record I still don't think that this is a good idea. Remember Indiana Jones."

"That was fiction," John said as they left.

oOo

Back at the settlement on the planet as they sat at a long table laden with different fruits, Rodney was trying to "play nice" with the local chieftain.

"So," he said being careful to watch for citrus. "When is your next...er...ceremony ?"

"Three moons from today," he answered pleasantly. "We will ask for Katura's blessing upon the harvest. His light will shine if he finds favor with our sacrifice."

"I would be very interested in witnessing the ceremony," Teyla said.

"The rite is sacred. And very private," the chief said. "No outsiders are permitted."

Teyla bowed her head. "I understand," she replied.

"His light," Rodney said leaning forward. "Is that the...er...lamp that he's holding ? It actually glows ?"

The chief regarded him serenely. "The ancestral light will shine brightly if he is pleased."

Rodney nodded. "Right," he said.

"It is late," the chief said standing.

John and Teyla stood up. John slapped Rodney on his arm and he stood up too. Ronon was already standing by the door.

The chief bowed his head slightly and they reciprocated. After he left they were escorted to their huts for the night. Teyla left with the women while the three men were left in a small hut by themselves.

"OK," Rodney said sitting down. "It lights up somehow so that zed p m must be interfaced with something inside the statue. I'll need to get a closer look at it before we make the exchange."

"Maybe we should wait until after the ceremony," John said. "Just in case..."

"In case what ?"

"In case you screw up, McKay," Ronon said.

"I won't screw up. It's a statue. How difficult can it be ?"

John and Ronon exchanged looks.

"What ? It probably just plugs in. Besides," Rodney added, "This isn't exactly the London Hilton here. I'd rather stay somewhere where I can bathe."

"There's a river," Ronon pointed out.

"Funny. There's probably God knows what in it too."

"We'll give everyone a while to go to sleep then," John said. "And then we'll check it out."

oOo

They made their way silently to the temple in the center of the settlement, keeping to the shadows. But they were a trusting and peaceful people and there were no guards. Not that that stopped Ronon from being edgy.

They slipped inside and closed the main door behind them. Only then did John use his flashlight.

Nothing had been disturbed since they had been shown the room several days earlier. The roof was open and the moonlight shone down on the statue giving everything an eerie appearance. Rodney started to move forward.

"McKay !" John hissed.

Rodney stopped and turned to look at him. "What ?" he said quietly.

"Us first," Ronon said moving past him. "Just in case."

"You'll get your turn," John said following. "Let us check for traps."

That got Rodney's attention. He didn't argue after that. He got out his data padd. "No life signs," he said. "Except us, of course." He scanned the walls. "No energy readings either. The zed p m is powered down."

John and Ronon were by the statue. John waved Rodney forward. Rodney walked around a large flat stone in the middle of the room. It was about eight feet long and three feet thick. Like a large table. His attention, though, was focussed on the statue and what it held.

"Give me some light here," Rodney said as he stood on the steps in front of the statue. John obliged as Ronon watched the door that they came through.

"I brought the replacement if you can remove that one," John said as Rodney lightly touched the base of the zpm.

"I know, I know," Rodney said. "There are some buttons. They could be to remove it or to make it light up."

"Can't you tell ?"

"Oh yes it says right here. "To steal the zed p m please press this button" "

"Rodney."

"I can't tell without trying them. The ancients weren't so hot on labelling things. On. Off. Remove zed p m would have been useful."

"There are four buttons," John said bending over next to Rodney.

"Yes thank you. I see that."

"Red is usually bad."

"Not necessarily. It depends what you're trying to do."

"What about the white one ?"

"What about it ? Color codes are only relevant if you have a guide."

"I don't like black," John said.

"Me neither."

"Pick something," Ronon hissed from the door.

"White then ?"

Rodney shrugged. Crossed his fingers and pushed the white button.

For several seconds nothing happened. Then with a loud hum the zpm descended through a hole in the statue's hands until it was level with the palms.

"Uh oh," Rodney said standing up.

It started to pulse and glow orange.

"Do something," Ronon said walking over to them.

"What ?" Rodney said.

"Something," John said as he punched the yellow button.

A bright white light shone up from the zpm through the hole in the roof.

"Oh crap !" John said.

Figuring that they had nothing to lose Rodney hit the red button. The zpm turned off and quietly returned to it's former position.

"I told you red wasn't necessarily bad," Rodney said just as the door burst open.

Eight guards came through the door, four on each side. They stopped, spears held ready to throw as the chieftain walked in and stopped facing John, Rodney and Ronon. He did not look at all pleased.

Rodney held his hands up, shoulder height, palms out. "This isn't what it seems," he said.

"It seems as though you are attempting to steal the ancestral light," the chief said.

"Well that's...er...remarkably accurate actually," Rodney said. "But we weren't going to steal it per se. We were...er..."

"I'm sorry," John interrupted. "We were just looking is all."

"Looking would not have displeased him," the chief said. He waved his hand and two of the guards approached. They gestured towards the door with their spears. Ronon looked at John who nodded and walked out of the temple with the others following.

oOo

They were escorted back to their hut only this time two guards stayed outside the door.

"I could take 'em," Ronon said.

"Maybe later," John said.

"What's the betting that the black button releases the zed p m ?"

"Now we find out."

"Wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't set off the bat signal."

"That wasn't my fault, Rodney."

"What do you suppose they'll do with us ?"

"Kill us probably."

"Gee thanks Ronon," Rodney said. "Maybe Teyla can help."

"If they haven't arrested her too."

"Quit it you too," John said. "They haven't done anything to harm us yet."

"Don't suppose we'll get another chance at the zed p m...what ?"

"Never mind that. Elizabeth will have our hides."

"She'll have to take a number."

oOo

The next morning they were taken back before the chieftain. Teyla stood with the women watching from the side. This time they were taken into what passed for a throneroom. The cief sat on a large chair with several steps up to it. He was wearing a cape that was covered with different colored feathers. He wore a matching headdress of black feathers. Once in front of the chief the guards forced them to kneel.

"Hey watch the back ! Do you mind ?" Rodney complained as one of the guards poked him with a spear.

"Hush Rodney," John said quietly.

"You have committed the crime of desecration," the chief said solemnly. "You must pass three tests to decide your fate."

"I don't suppose any of them are math related ?"

"Rodney !"

"Just asking..."

"Bring the sacred scroll."

A female stepped forward and handed the chief a large roll of papyrus with writing on both sides.

"This is a map. It has three locations marked. There is a different challenge at each location. You must complete all three and return by tomorrow at sun's fall before the ceremony. If you do not return," he nodded and several of the men raised blowguns. One dart hit Teyla and she crumpled in a heap on the ground. "Your female's life will be forfeit."

As they turned and stood up each of them was felled by a carefully placed dart.

oOo

to be continued

This was getting a bit long for one chapter.

Next up: The Challenges.

Review please

debbie

(I promise I won't keep you waiting long)


	12. Indiana McKay Part II

**Disclaimer:** If you haven't got it by now I can't help you ;)

and now the conclusion...

**Indiana McKay Part II**

oOo

Ronon woke up first. He sat up and looked around. They were just outside of the settlement on a grassy plain.

John was starting to stir and look around him. Rodney was also starting to move. Ronon helped John to his feet and then walked across to Rodney. He bent down, gripped the front of Rodney's tac vest with both hands and lifted him to his feet.

"Whoa," Rodney said. "Easy..."

"We have to get moving," Ronon said. "It's daylight already."

"Right," John said. The map had been stuffed into the front of his vest and he pulled it out and unrolled it. "OK," he looked at the map and looked around. "There's the settlement," he said pointing to his right. "There's that clump of trees," he pointed forward. "So," he said turning around. "We go this way."

"We could break into the settlement and get Teyla out," Ronon said as they started to walk.

"We don't know where they're holding her," John said. "They could kill her before we find her."

They walked for about half an hour before they came to a valley.

"OK," John said reading the scroll. "This seems to be it. There's a poem. "To retrieve the scarab from it's lair, you first must scare the golden bear.""

Rodney looked across at John. "Who writes this stuff ?" he asked. "They can't be straightforward ?"

They looked down into the steep valley. A pathway led down each side to the left and also to the right.

"That pedestal down there with the shiny thing on it. Bet that's where the scarab is," Rodney said pointing as all three of them lay on the ground looking down into the valley.

"And that would make that..." John pointed at a large heavily furred creature about the size of a baby elephant prowling around it...

"The golden bear."

Ronon took a knife from his hair and threw it hard at the creature. The knife barely stuck into its hide. The bear shook it out and roared showing huge teeth.

"Well now we've pissed it off," John said. "OK, Rodney. You make your way down the right hand path and get the scarab.."

"Whoa,wo,wo,wo,wo,wo. How come I have to go get the bug ?"

"Would you rather distract the bear ?" Ronon asked.

"Bug detail it is."

"Give us about a two minute head start," John said as he and Ronon moved to the right.

Rodney watched as John and Ronon moved to opposite corners of the clearing and the bear started towards them.

It was only a few yards across the clearing from the tree line to the pedestal but it seemed like a half mile dash to Rodney as he ran to the center.

On the top of the pedestal was a cube covered with symbols. Rodney twisted it and it moved.

"Hurry up Rodney !" John called out as he dodged around the creature.

"There's a Rubik's cube thing. Looks like I have to line up the symbols," Rodney answered. "Give me a moment."

"Rodney !" John yelled as the bear turned its attention away from them and started towards the pedestal.

"Working..." Rodney said without looking up.

The bear launched itself at Rodney and hit him on the left shoulder. It was remarkably agile for its size.

It was only a glancing blow but it was enough to knock Rodney flat and force the breath out of him.

Ronon was running closely behind the animal and leapt on its back as it started to turn back towards Rodney. He gripped the bear around its throat and around its back with his legs. It roared and tried to throw him off.

John helped Rodney up. "You OK ?" he asked.

"Just been hit by a freight train is all."

John steered Rodney back to the pedestal. "Can you finish it ?" he asked.

Rodney shot him a look. "I'm almost done," he said. A few moments later he clicked the last piece into place.

A shrill whistle filled the air. Rodney and John clamped their hands over their ears and Ronon released his grip on the bear who ran off into the trees yelping.

The noise stopped as suddenly as it started and the cube split open to reveal an ornamental scarab about the size of Ronons hand.

As John picked the scarab up and put it in his vest Rodney peered into the pedestal. Reaching for his padd he said, "Gee, I wonder what powers that thing ?"

"Not now, McKay," Ronon said grabbing him by the back of his vest and dragging him towards the path.

"Hey...Alright I'm coming..."

oOo

As they approached the second site John unrolled the scroll and read the second poem.

""A secret serpent you must find, to locate the silver hind.""

Rodney stood facing the artifact. He looked sideways at John. "I don't like the sound of that," he said.

"See anything on that thing that looks like a snake ?" John asked.

It was a large stone box with an angled top covered with markings. In front of Rodney was a blank wall several feet thick.

"These look like gate symbols," Rodney said running his fingers lightly over the panel.

"So the answer is a gate address ?" Ronon asked.

"The logical one would be the one for this planet," Rodney said scanning the board. "But the last symbol is missing."

John and Ronon checked around the short wall. "I don't see any others," John said.

"Well I can put in the ones that I have..." Rodney started pushing the symbols. As he hit each one the stone sank slightly into the panel. As he hit the last symbol a panel in the wall opened up in front of him. He shone his flashlight into the hole. "Oh they have got to be joking !" he said looking inside.

John looked into the hole. A pair of slitted amber eyes stared back at him as the snake uncoiled and raised its head.

"I'm not sticking my hand in there," Rodney said.

"Let me see if I can find something to entice it out," John said opening pockets in his vest.

Ronon suddenly reached into the hole, grabbed the snake and in one fluid movement threw it away into the trees.

"Or that works too," John said.

Rodney shone the light back in to make sure that there were no more. "There's the last symbol," he said reaching in and pushing the button.

Another panel popped open on the side of the wall. Inside was a silver deer about the same size as the scarab. John pulled it out and put it in one of his vest pockets.

John turned away, reaching for the scroll and stepped on a flat stone in front of the artifact. The stone gave way under his foot and an arrow shot out of the open panel in the wall. John reacted automatically and dived forward. Rodney, who was standing behind him. wasn't as lucky.

The arrow struck him in his left shoulder just below the collar bone. He fell backwards as his knees buckled and he lay still for a moment, gasping for breath.

John was by his side in an instant. "Oh my God, Rodney," he said. "I'm sorry."

Ronon appeared at the other side. "We've got to keep going," he said. "It will be dark soon."

Rodney nodded. "O..K..." he gasped. "Help me...up..." he said eyes squeezed shut in pain and reaching up with his right hand. "Ow !" he yelped as Ronon quickly obliged. "Careful..."

Moving away from the artifacts Rodney leaned against a tree for a moment as John checked the wound. Ronon snapped the shaft of the arrow off a few inches from his shoulder.

"It's not bleeding much," John said.

"Oh..." Rodney replied. "Good.."

"The next site isn't far away," John said. "It's between here and the settlement."

Rodney nodded and pushed himself away from the tree. He swayed slightly and John stepped towards him. Rodney held his right hand up. "I'm good.." he said. "I think..."

oOo

By the time that they reached the third site Rodney was breathing heavily and clearly in pain.

They stopped at the foot of a square walled structure that looked to be about eight foot high. A platform was on the roof with a central obelisk on top of that.

"There's no way that I can get up there," Rodney said. "You're on your own. What does the poem say ?"

""A golden feather set in stone, will point you to the prophets bone.""

"Well that's particularly unhelpful."

"Maybe it will make sense once I'm up there."

Ronon boosted John up onto the flat roof and he walked over to the obelisk. It was completely plain.

"Is there a feather ?" Rodney yelled out.

"No feather. No markings at all."

"Any switches, buttons, levers ?"

"I'm looking..."

Ronon climbed up on to the roof. "Maybe we need to move it," he said.

John stepped back and Ronon pushed on one corner. Nothing happened for a moment and then the obelisk split in two lengthwise and the half that Ronon was pushing on moved about a foot.

A large golden feather fluttered out of the center of the stone obelisk onto the ground at his feet.

John picked the feather up. It felt heavier at the end. "OK," he said. "Now what ?"

There was nothing else on the roof so they clambered back down and showed the feather to Rodney.

"There's something in the end of it," Rodney said. "Maybe it's ...wait a minute..." He walked over to a small ornamental pool and dropped the feather into it.

The feather turned and stopped suddenly. It was pointing towards an overgrown statue at the end of the pool. John pulled the vines away to reveal a miniature version of the statue of Katura back at the settlement.

Ronon grabbed the statue and lifted it. It raised easily revealing a round hole beneath it. John shone a light down inside. Something was down there.

"Wait a minute," Rodney said as John started to reach for it. "Everything else has had something guarding it."

John stopped. "Good point," he said. Looking around he picked up a stick and used it to poke inside the hole.

Suddenly a sharp blade snapped across cutting the stick in two. It retracted back inside leaving the opening as before.

John looked at what was left of the stick. "Crap !" he said.

"So how do we get that out ?" Ronon asked.

"Wonder if it floats," Rodney said.

John looked at him for a moment and then started scooping water into the hole.

"Rodney you're a genius," he said as the "bone" floated to the surface.

"Hum, yes," Rodney replied.

oOo

By the time that they got back to the settlement the sun was setting and it was twilight. Rodney was pale and shaky and John was helping him walk.

"Where is everyone ?" Ronon asked as they entered the deserted town.

"Let's try the temple," John said.

Ronon opened the heavy door. Flaming torches flickered in holders all around the room which was deserted except for...

"Teyla !" Ronon said an ran forward.

She was barely conscious and shackled to the large stone slab in front of the statue.

Ronon and John went to head of the stone and pulled at the metal loops holding her wrists in place. Rodney stayed at the foot, leaning on it for support. He was looking at markings in the stone.

"They won't budge," Ronon said.

"These symbols," Rodney said. "Are the same as on the Rubik's cube thing but in a different order...I wonder..." He pushed the symbols one by one in the same order as in the puzzle that he'd solved. As he hit the last one two panels opened on top of the stone below Teyla's feet. One was above the symbols and one to the right side. The one to the right revealed more symbols.

"Give me the bug thing..." Rodney said reaching towards John and clicking his fingers.

John handed him the scarab and Rodney positioned it in the hole revealed by the upper panel. He turned it to the right. With a loud click the manacles around Teyla's wrists snapped open.

"Aha !" Rodney said moving to the next panel. He swayed slightly and briefly leaned against the stone. "OK," he said. "The gate address." He punched it in and two more panels opened. He reached towards John and clicked his fingers again. John handed him the small deer. He snapped it in place and turned it and Teyla's feet were freed. That just left the band around her waist.

The last panel showed six symbols.

"I didn't see the obelisk," Rodney said looking at John. "What was on it ?"

"Nothing. There were no markings."

"None at all."

"Not that we saw."

Rodney frowned in concentration. "The pool..." he said clicking his fingers. "When I put the feather in the pool there were some symbols around the edge. It stopped by...this one," he said punching a button.

A panel opened. John handed Rodney the last artifact which he placed into the slot and turned.

The metal band clicked open. Ronon immediately pulled Teyla off the slab. She was dizzy but able to stand.

Moments later a shaft of moonlight shone through the open roof and hit the statue in the face. Its eyes glowed and the zpm started to pulse.

Four pointed spikes snapped up through the stone where Teyla had been lying just seconds before.

They looked at it, wide-eyed. That had been too close.

A bright light shone from the zpm. Rodney got out his padd and scanned it. "Crap !" he said.

"What ?" John asked.

"This zed p m has been running this display and probably the other three sites for God knows how long," Rodney said. "There must be underground conduits or something."

"Yeah. So ?"

"So it hasn't got any more power than the one we brought with us," he said putting the padd away.

"I'd still like to know where everyone went," Ronon said.

Rodney sat on the end of the slab. He was tired, dizzy and fed up with the whole affair. "I really don't care," he said rubbing his face with his right hand. "Can we go home now ? I believe that I have an appointment with Carson."

oOo

A couple of days later they all met for lunch in the mess hall.

Rodney still had his left arm in a sling so John carried his coffee to the table.

"How is your shoulder, Rodney ?" Teyla asked.

"Still hurts to move it. I really hate arrows. "

"At least this one wasn't in your butt," Ronon said.

"Hum. Thank you for reminding me about that. Speaking of which, did Elizabeth leave much of yours intact ?"

"Some of it," John said. "Apparently the villagers were in hiding waiting to see if we would try to steal the zpm again. This time they would have killed us outright but since we had "repented" they will allow us to trade with them again. Although I don't think Elizabeth will let us back there."

"Don't worry," Rodney said. "I won't miss that place."

"The Daedalus has just arrived," John said. "They've brought some new movies."

"Anything but Indiana Jones," Rodney said.

"How about National Treasure 2 ?" John said grinning.

Rodney threw his croissant at him.

oOo

Well Rodney almost made it out unscathed (but we know THAT'S not going to happen in this series don't we??)

love some reviews

debbie


	13. Earthquake

**Disclaimer:** yada yada

This is how I would have written "Grace under pressure" (which is probably one reason why I'm not in Vancouver...)

**Earthquake**

"So why did you volunteer for this diddly little mission ?" John asked as he flew through the gate and maneuvered the jumper towards the planet. "It's just collecting samples for the botany lab. I could've taken a junior scientist."

"I am deeply wounded by that, we're a team," Rodney said holding his hand over his heart. "Besides," he added. "With that flu epidemic that Lorne's team brought back running rampant I'm glad to get away for a while."

"You've had your flu shot."

"So did Teyla and Ronon and they're both in the infirmary hooked up to IV fluids and puking everywhere."

"Miserable time to be a medic. Don't envy Carson that detail."

"Yeah and he's taking "volunteers" to help from all over the base. If you're not sick you're fair game."

John grinned. "Well whatever your reason," he said. "Thanks for coming." He'd never admit it to him, of course, but he liked Rodney's company.

"You're welcome."

oOo

"OK," John said placing a small plant into the collection case. "What's next on their list ?"

"Some little yellow flower that looks kinda like a buttercup," Rodney said looking at the data padd. "Oh not so little. It says that it's twenty four inches tall."

"Those things over there then," John said walking forwards.

As they started towards the plants John felt the ground start to move beneath his feet. Trees next to them started to sway ominously.

"Earthquake !" John yelled. "Back to the jumper. Quick !"

Rodney didn't need telling twice. They ran inside the back of the jumper and leapt into their chairs. Rodney closed the back door as John started the engines.

Before he could take off, however, the ground opened up beneath them and the jumper flipped backwards into a huge chasm.

oOo

John woke up slowly. He was upside down, still strapped into his seat. He looked across to the co-pilots chair. It was empty with the seatbelts dangling. "Rodney ?" he said. "Rodney !"

John unbuckled himself and eased down onto the ceiling. Rodney lay in a crumpled heap in the far corner of the cabin, up against the closed middle door. John went over to him. "Rodney ?" The floor (ceiling ?) sloped slightly upwards. He touched Rodney on the shoulder and Rodney moved his head slightly and groaned softly. "John ?" he said weakly.

Blood was streaming down the side of his face from a cut on the left side of his head. John pulled a bandage out of a pocket of his tac vest. Rodney flinched as John wrapped the wound. His eyes flickered open. "Why am I looking at the floor ?" he said slowly.

"We fell back into a hole when the earthquake struck. We seem to be on...relatively, solid ground but we're not in a position where we can take off."

"Wonderful."

Rodney tried to sit up and clasped his hand across his chest. He coughed and winced in pain. Fresh blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. He propped himself up against the bulkhead and leaned back against the wall, breathing heavily. "How long before they miss us ?" he asked.

John checked his watch. "We're not due to check in for another five hours."

"So at least ...six then...Can we open the doors ?"

"I don't know I was checking on you," John said moving back down to the controls. The middle door slid open at his command. The back door, however...

"Uh oh," John said looking at the HUD.

"What ?" Rodney asked.

"The back door won't open because we're half buried in debris from the 'quake," he replied.

"OK," Rodney said. "We need to power down...as much as possible..before we overheat."

"How about turning on the AC ?"

Rodney shook his head and winced. "No, no, no, no, no, no," he said. "If the conduits that...draw away the heat are covered, and we have to...assume that they are...it'll just make it worse..It's made to vent into space.."

"We won't explode...?"

"Theoretically no. We'll probably cook first."

John made his way down to the control panel and reached up to it. "This is weird," he said turning off everything that wasn't absolutely necessary.

"Oh..Hum...I've had a thought," Rodney said. "How do we plan to contact the rescue party when they arrive ?"

"Oh I don't know. Radio ?" John said sitting opposite him.

"Care to hazard a guess where the transmitter array on a...puddlejumper is located ? I'll give you a clue. It's not on the bottom or the sides."

John thought about that for a moment. "Crap !" he said.

"Even if by some..miracle it's not smashed it won't...penetrate the ore on this planet."

"Maybe they'll be able to pick up our transponder signals."

"Same problem. All the ore...I can't believe I'm going to die for a...handful of daisies."

"We're not dead yet. Besides," John added. "The case tipped over so we didn't even get the flowers."

Rodney smiled. "Figures. Seriously though...We need to find a way to get a signal through. How thick is the dirt covering the window ?"

"Can't tell. Besides it's facing down so it's thicker there."

Rodney looked up at the floor and across to the back. "What about the...maintenance hatch ?" he asked.

"Only one way to find out."

"Pass me my laptop," Rodney said. "I can set up a program so that we can send a distress signal when the time comes."

John retrieved Rodney's computer and handed it to him. He moved to the back and looked up at the hatch. He selected a tool from the case and started removing the fasteners.

When he'd removed the hatch he stood looking at the conduits. "Now what ?" he said.

"OK," Rodney said. "Those are power conduits and you can unplug them from the...er...right side. They're mostly for the engines but don't..."

All the cabin lights went out leaving them in complete darkness.

Rodney sighed. "Don't unplug the white one because it supplies power for the lights."

"Sorry," John said. "Do I have to plug it back into the same slot ?"

"Only if you want it to work," Rodney said. "Here..." He held his computer open so that John could see enough to get the flashlight. John retrieved the light and plugged the line back in, restoring the main lights.

"OK. I can unplug all the others right ?"

"Yes. You can. When you've done that...you'll be able to get to the outer hatch. It opens out so that's up..."

"That's not much help, Rodney."

"You can remove the hinge. It'll come out completely."

"Do I want to do that ?"

"I don't know. It depends on how much dirt is on top of us...Might not want to stand right underneath it..." he added.

John was standing and undoing the hinges. He stopped for a moment and looked at Rodney. "Good point," he said.

"Help me up," Rodney said reaching towards John.

John helped him to his feet and Rodney stood next to him. "OK," he said. "Loosen the last of the screws and then I'll help you hold the hatch and we'll direct it towards the back. And hopefully," he said. "We won't regret this..."

"You're too much of a pessimist, Rodney...Ready ?"

"No but let's do it anyway..."

As John released the last bolt they braced the hatch so that any debris was directed away from them. But very little fell. About a bucketfull of loose soil fell to the floor.

John looked up through the hole. A large boulder was wedged against the hatchway. "Nuts !" he said.

"Actually," Rodney said. "We can make that work. See the gap on that side ? That's all I'll need to get a signal through. I'll need some of that conduit..." he swayed and held his head. John steadied him. "Sorry...Dizzy all of a sudden..."

"How about you sit back down ?" John said.

As Rodney sat another tremor rumbled through the ground. John stumbled and caught himself against the bulkhead as the jumper tipped several more inches to the side before stopping.

They froze in position. The jumper creaked and a crack appeared across the windshield.

"Aftershock," John said.

"Uh huh," Rodney said wide-eyed.

oOo

John disconnected the power conduits completely and passed them down to Rodney who sat and stripped them down making a long cord. It was starting to get hot and both of them had taken off their tac vests.

"What's the temperature ?" John asked.

Rodney checked his computer. "Ninety two," he replied. "And it's gonna get hotter."

"You'd think having the hatch open would help."

"There's not enough of a gap to vent much of the heat away," Rodney said. "Might help if the rock wasn't in the way. But then we could get out too..." He coughed and winced.

"You OK ?"

"I doubt it. Feel like crap."

John checked his watch. At least another four hours.

Rodney attached the cord to his computer. "OK," he said. "I've written a subroutine that will initiate a distress call. All we have to do is hit enter. Now just take the end of the cord and poke it through the hatch as far as you can."

John took the laptop and the coil of wire. He positioned the laptop on the "floor" to the side and pushed the end of the wire up throught the hole by the boulder. "How far will the signal carry ?" he asked.

"Not awfully far. With the array...er...down the signal is coming solely from the laptop. But they should be able to pick it up from a jumper OK. Just not from outside the atmosphere."

"So now what ?"

"Now we wait..."

oOo

Ronon was pacing back and forth in Elizabeth's office. He had stopped throwing up and after threatening to pull his IV line out himself he'd persuaded Carson to release him from the infirmary. "They should've checked in by now," he said.

"I agree," said Teyla. She was sitting by the desk looking rather pale.

"They were only due to report in at two pm," Elizabeth said. "They're only a little late."

Ronon didn't say anything he just stopped and stared at her.

"OK," Elizabeth said. "Get Major Lorne and a couple of marines and go and check on them."

oOo

The marine piloted the jumper down through the atmosphere. Major Lorne sat in the co-pilots seat. He still didn't feel that great but at least he'd been able to keep his lunch down. "Holy cow !" he said as he surveyed the devastation below them.

Ronon walked over and stood behind him as they flew over the landscape. Trees had fallen and the earth was churned up everywhere. There was no sign of the jumper.

"What happened ?" Ronon asked.

"Looks like there was an earthquake," Lorne replied. He checked the HUD. "I'm picking up a distress beacon," he said. "From over there..." He pointed and the marine pilot nodded and steered towards the area.

There was nowhere flat enough to land. They could see the corner of the jumper protruding from the ground. It was several feet below the surface in a chasm and mostly covered with rocks and soil.

"Not receiving any answer to our radio call, sir," the marine said.

"Perhaps they are not able to broadcast a reply," Teyla said.

"If we could get a radio to them..."

"I'll do it," Ronon said holding out his hand for the radio. "Just get me close."

Lorne got the radio transmitter out of his pack and handed it to Ronon. "We'll hover as close as we can and drop the back door."

Ronon nodded.

The pilot positioned the jumper a few feet from the ground next to the chasm and lowered the back door. Ronon jumped to the ground and moved towards the jumper. He made his way down to the hatchway which was mostly covered by a large boulder.

"Colonel ?" he said loudly. "McKay ?"

"Ronon ?" John replied.

Ronon passed the radio through the gap. "Are you OK ?" he asked.

"Rodney's unconscious. He was hurt in the 'quake. I'm...I'm overheating..but OK."

Ronon braced himself against the boulder and tried to move it away from the hatchway but it wouldn't budge.

"Ronon," Major Lorne said over the radio. "Come back on board."

"I'd rather stay here," Ronon said.

"Get back on the other jumper," John yelled. "We need to plan how to get out of here."

Reluctantly, Ronon climbed back out and leapt back onto the open door of the hovering puddlejumper. The pilot closed the door as Lorne was speaking with John.

"Well, sir," he was saying. "The jumper is mostly buried. The one corner where the hatch and boulder are is exposed slightly. I don't see any way of lifting you out."

"What about the Daedalus ? Can it beam us out ?"

"It's won't be back for another two days."

"How about moving the rock ?"

"It's not in a position where I can get a cable around it, sir and it's too close to you to blast it away." Lorne signaled to the pilot who moved the jumper around for a look from a different angle. "If I go back to Atlantis for some equipment we might be able to move it but the ground's not stable."

"We haven't got a lot of time," John said. "The cabin is seriously overheating and Rodney's been out of it for about an hour. I think he's bleeding internally. We need to get him to a doctor."

"If we place a small charge next to the rock we may be able to break it into a more manageable size. But there's a risk that it could tip the jumper further and cause another cave in."

There was silence for several seconds. "Do it," John said firmly.

oOo

It took Major Lorne several minutes to set the charge.

Inside the jumper John dragged Rodney away from the hatch towards the front of the craft. John flopped back against the bulkhead next to him. He was dizzy and felt sick from the oppressive heat.

"We're ready sir," Lorne said.

"OK Major," John replied. "Proceed."

There was a loud crack as the C4 exploded. John braced himself as the ground rumbled and the jumper shook from the blast. The front of the jumper moved sharply several feet to the left. Dirt fell in through the open hatch.

Then just as suddenly everything fell silent.

The radio crackled. "Are you all right, sir ?"

"Still in one piece," John answered. "How's it look from up there ?"

"Waiting for the dust to settle, sir," Major Lorne replied as they hovered over the chasm.

"Let me down there," Ronon said.

"Wait," Lorne said. "Wait until we can see."

Ronon paced back and forth inside the jumper as Lorne scanned the area.

The dust finally settled and Lorne could make out the jumper. He signaled the pilot to descend and let Ronon out.

"It worked, sir," he said. "The rock split into three. Ronon's on his way."

"Oh thank God," John said as the heat overcame him and he slipped into unconsciousness.

oOo

A few days later John and Rodney were both side by side in the infirmary. Rodney was sitting up in bed eating lunch and Carson was removing John's IV so that he could leave.

Elizabeth stood at the bottom of John's bed, arms folded. "I can't even send you to pick flowers without you getting into trouble," she said.

"That wasn't my fault," John said. "It was an act of God."

Rodney snorted loudly.

"Well if you'd stop pissing Him off..."

"Me ? I wasn't even supposed to go. If anyone's upsetting the local Deity it's probably you."

"I thought you didn't believe in God, Rodney," Carson chipped in.

"I don't."

"Just as well the way you refer to their idols," John said.

"What is it with those things ? They're all ugly."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," Elizabeth said.

"Oh please," Rodney said putting another forkfull of food in his mouth.

Carson finished unhooking the IV and removed his gloves. "There ya go," he said tossing them away in the trash. "Now much as I appreciate the job security that you two offer me I would also like some rest. So bugger off for a wee while why don't you. Not you," he added as Rodney looked up. "You've had surgery so you're stayin' for at least a couple more days."

Rodney shrugged and continued eating.

"I'll be back later," John said. "To visit," he added.

"Bring dessert," Rodney said. "And my laptop ?"

John gave Rodney a thumbs up sign as he left.

Elizabeth just shook her head and sighed.

"What ?" Rodney asked.

"Nothing."

oOo

OK Sorry for the delay it was a busy week.

I have another story in my head but it's another "puzzle" story (a la Indiana story) involving a maze. So I might wait a while on that one (unless people like that type in which case I'll sharpen my poetry pencil and proceed - let me know ;) )

debbie


	14. To Boldly Go

**Disclaimer:** (Do I have to do this every time??)

Still had the puzzle muse going after Indiana McKay so here goes. If you like puzzle stories read on (if you don't read on anyway ;) )

**To Boldly go...**

"Is this absolutely necessary, Colonel ?"

"Trust me, Rodney," John said walking down the hallway towards an unexplored part of the city. "You're gonna love it."

Rodney shone his flashlight ahead of them up the darkened corridoor. "Not impressed so far," he said.

"Patience, Rodney. It's a virtue."

"Uh huh."

"Why no hall lights, Rodney ?"

"Conserving power. No unneeded lights switching on all over the place draining the zed p m."

They turned the corner. It opened into a large room. Rodney stopped and shone his light around the empty space.

"Wow," he said flatly. "Can we go now ?"

"What ? No it's over here," John walked over to the center of the room. He stood on a square and a pedestal rose up out of the floor in front of him. "Look at this," he said.

Curious, Rodney walked across to the pedestal. It glowed under his touch. He stood opposite John scanning the ancient symbols. "This is interesting," he said. "If I read this right..."

"It is isn't it ?"

Rodney pushed some buttons and the room changed around them. They were now standing in an old castle room.

"I think that this is a holosuite..."

oOo

"This is great," John said. "I wonder how many programs it runs."

"I don't know and I hate to be a killjoy," Rodney said looking around, "But I dread to think how much power this is using." Rodney turned back to the pedestal to power it down. The only problem was that the pedestal was no longer there and neither was the square in the floor.

"O...K..." John said. "So how do we turn it off ?"

"Good question," Rodney said. "I'm not even sure where we came in. Try thinking about it..."

"No...nothing."

"Are you sure you're trying ?"

"Yes, Rodney. I'm sure."

Rodney sighed. "Great," he said.

John walked over to a wooden table and slapped it hard. "Ow! Well everything seems solid enough," he said shaking his hand.

'Hum," Rodney scratched his head. "Well if it works like in "Star Trek" then the floor moves so that you can go on forever and never run out of room and the replicator...er...replicates everything and transports it accordingly. Of course in "Star Trek" all they had to do was say...computer...to get out...Of course that didn't work."

"Any ideas ?"

"It depends on how the program's written. We may have to complete the story. Whatever it is."

A young boy ran into the room. He was dressed as a medieval serf. "Come," he said waving them towards the door that he came in by. "Come with me."

"Here we go," John said.

"If it involves dragons you're on your own," Rodney said as he followed him.

oOo

They stepped outside.

The boy pointed them forward. "You must make your way through the maze," he said and ran ahead through the entrance and disappeared out of sight.

Rodney looked sideways at John. "We need to do this as quickly as we can," he said. "Before it becomes too much of a power drain."

"Maybe they could switch it off from the control center," John said tapping his radio.

"This area of the city is shielded for RF," Rodney said. "And they probably could shut it down if they knew about it but the power drain won't register until it's critical. By then it will be too late."

"Guess we'll have to go through the program then."

As they entered the maze the hedge closed behind them. "Nowhere to go but forward," John said.

"Or left or right," Rodney added.

"Wish I had a jumper," John said.

After half an hour of dead ends and back tracking they came to an area of paved stones. Each stone had a symbol on it. A lectern displayed a rhyme:

"Two crosses and one circle be,

The way to follow to the sea.

Keep in straight lines to get you there,

And no jumping over any square."

Rodney and John read the rhyme carefully.

"Oh I hate these things," Rodney said. "OK, let's look at it."

They looked across the stones. "OK," Rodney said pointing across to the other side. "That stone over there is the only one with a wavy line, so presumably that is the "sea" and that's where you need to end up."

"Me ?"

"Yeah. You go first. I'll direct from here."

John didn't look at all sure.

"You'll be fine. Just remember cross, cross, circle. I'll help you. " Rodney looked across the stones. "I'm good at these," he said looking back at John. "Really."

Rodney was right. He directed John across the stones and followed without any mishaps.

"Wonder what happens when you miss one," John said. He lobbed a large rock into the middle of the pavestones. It gave way revealing a hole and an arrow shot across the gap.

"What is it with these people and arrows ?" Rodney said.

"Easy and effective," John said moving forwards. "Shall we ?" he said.

"After you."

oOo

They followed the pathway on towards the center of the maze. There were fewer choices in this section and the path was fairly easy to follow. They turned a corner and came across a large wooden door that blocked the path.

In front of the door was a table upon which was a pile of coins and an old fashioned scale. A lectern was by the door.

"All right," Rodney said walking over to the lectern. "Let's see what this says." He started to read.

"Eighty coins all in a line,

But one weighs more than the seventy nine.

Use the scale times only four,

The heaviest coin will open the door."

Sure enough there was a coin slot where the lock should have been.

"So we have to find the heavier coin using the scale," John said. "So we divide it in half..."

"Wait," Rodney said. "That won't work."

"Why not ?"

"Because then you'd have to use the scales five times. Eighty to forty to twenty to ten to five...Let me think for a moment..."

John looked at the table and then at Rodney.

Rodney clicked his fingers. "Got it," he said. "We need three piles. One with twenty six coins and two with twenty seven." They sorted the coins. "OK now we weigh the two with twenty seven...alright now that one's heavier so all the rest are the same." Rodney moved the fifty three coins to the side. "Now," he said separating the remaining coins into three piles of nine coins each. "We weigh these..." he put nine coins on each side. They too balanced so he put them aside. "Now one in each side..." The scale tipped to the right. "This one !" he said picking up the coin. As he did so the scale disappeared.

"You can do the honors," John said gesturing towards the door.

"Thank you," Rodney walked to the door and deposited the coin into the slot. The door swung silently open. "Voila !" Rodney said. "Of course," he added looking down yet another long path. "That didn't get us anywhere."

"It's another stage closer," John said walking ahead. "Come on."

Rodney sighed and followed.

oOo

As they made their way onward John kept stopping and looking back. After the third time Rodney tapped him on the shoulder. "What is it ?" he asked.

"I don't know," John said. "I think something's following us...Can't pinpoint it though..."

They came to another dead end. Rodney turned back the way they came. "Well I guess we're about to find out," he said.

They walked back around the corner. Suddenly John pushed Rodney hard to one side and he fell backwards into the thick bushes as John flung himself to the other side.

"Ow!" Rodney complained as the bushes scratched him.

A knight on a large white horse thundered by where they had just been standing. His sword whipped by mere inches from Rodney's face.

"Where the hell did he come from ?" Rodney yelled as he staggered to his feet.

"I don't know," John said pushing him forwards. "But he's coming back..."

They ran back and again dived into the bushes as he overtook them. After the third time Rodney was gasping for breath. "I don't care if he...spears me...," he panted. "I can't keep this up...much longer..."

John pulled him into a side passage as the knight rode past again. He pushed him through a door and, following, he slammed it behind them. He turned and came to an abrupt halt. "Oh crap !" he said.

Rodney was on his hands and knees where he'd fallen through the door. He'd frozen in place watching the creature that was prowling back and forth in front of him.

The dragon was huge, and green, and breathing fire into the air which smelt of sulphur.

"I think I'd rather take my chances with Sir Lancelot," Rodney said getting slowly to his feet and backing up to the door.

John pulled at the door handle. It had locked behind them.

"We don't have that option," John replied. "The door's locked."

The dragon faced them. Smoke curled out of its' nostrils.

"Answer my riddle and you can proceed...If you fail then I will feed..."

"A talking dragon ?" Rodney asked.

"Don't knock it. At least we have a chance this way," John whispered.

"Did I mention that I'm horrible at riddles ?"

"No, Rodney you didn't."

The dragon silently watched them. John started to move to the side. With a snort of fire the dragon forced John back to the door. "OK. So much for that approach.." John said quietly. "What is your riddle ?" he asked out loud.

The dragon slowly lifted his head and stared at them with unblinking amber eyes. Sulphur hissed from his mouth as he slowly spoke.

"Mountains will crumble and temples will fall, and no man can survive my unending call. What am I ?"

Rodney was still transfixed by the dragon. "I got nothing," he said after a moment.

John was thinking. He repeated the riddle to himself. Suddenly he smiled. "Got it!" he said. "You are "time"."

"Of course," Rodney said.

The dragon curled his tail around his body revealing a door. "You may pass," he said laying his head down and closing its eyes.

They walked around the edge of the clearing keeping an eye on the sleeping beast. Rodney went through the door first and then John followed.

They found themselves in a short hallway.

"Did we backtrack to the castle ?" Rodney asked.

"I don't know," John answered. "I can't tell."

Suddenly a trap door opened and Rodney fell through the floor. It sealed behind him as John tried to grab him.

"Rodney !" he shouted. "McKay !"

He was on his hands and knees on the floor. There wasn't even a seam where the door had been.

A door slowly opened in front of him. Reluctantly he got to his feet and walked towards it. As he went through the door it closed behind him and the lights came on in the room.

He was faced with a narrow walkway that spanned a long pit. The walkway was about six inches wide and the length of a football field. Every few feet a large ball on a chain swung across inches above the walkway. In the middle a large key hung from a chain about seven feet above the walkway. A strange growling noise was coming from the pit. John walked forward and looked over the edge. Several lion-like animals were slinking back and forth.

A lectern stood to the right of the walkway. It had a poem written on it:

"Retrieve the key to free your friend,

Before the sand runs to the end."

John swallowed hard. A large hourglass in the far corner slowly turned and sand started to flow from the top to the bottom. As it did so a door opposite opened to reveal..

"Rodney !"

He was chained to a wall with manacles around his wrists. He seemed to be unconscious and was hanging limply.

"Crap !" John muttered. The sand was flowing quickly. He wasn't going to have much time. He approached the walkway and watched as the first ball swung past.

He took a few steps onto the walkway spreading his arms wide for balance. He stopped and let the second ball pass before moving again. He repeated this until he was in the middle where he stopped, reached up and grabbed the key. He glanced at the hourglass. It was over half empty. He had to hurry.

He stopped and breathed a few times watching the balls swing. Then he picked his moment and ran the second half of the path. The last ball struck him as he launched himself forward and he landed with his feet and lower body dangling into the pit.

The animals growled and roared loudly as he scrambled up onto solid ground. One of the animals clawed his leg tearing his pants from the knee down and leaving a streak of blood.

He lay still for a couple of seconds and then leapt to his feet and ran over to Rodney. Using the key he unlocked the manacles and cushioned his fall as Rodney fell forward onto the floor.

A few seconds later a large spear was launched and it embedded itself into the wall where Rodney had been just moments before.

Rodney was groggy. His eyes were glazed and his pupils were dilated making them appear dark. He had clearly been drugged. John helped him to his feet.

"Whoa," he said and swayed slightly holding his head. He turned and saw the spear and his eyes widened in shock. He reached forward and touched the head of the spear. Immediately a cut appeared on his finger. He shook his hand and put his finger in his mouth.

"What did you do that for ?" John asked.

"Just wanted to see if we could be hurt here," Rodney said examining the cut. "Looks like we can," he added.

"I could have told you that," John said looking at his right leg.

"So much for it being like "Star Trek"." Rodney said. "This is more like a training ground."

John looked at him. "Perhaps that's what it is," he said as they left through a side door.

oOo

They found themselves back out in the open looking down a checkered pathway with two doors at the far end. as they started towards the door a large hawk swooped down towards them screeching loudly. John dove to his right side and pushed Rodney to the left.

John rolled smoothly and got to his feet. Rodney landed awkwardly on a largle black square. A knife shot up out of the middle of the square and struck him just below his breastbone. Rodney gasped and coughed, spitting up blood.

John started towards him. Rodney, still on his knees clutching his stomach, held up his right hand. "Careful," he gasped. "The black...squares..."

John froze in place, his foot on the edge of a black square. Carefully he made his way across the pathway to Rodney.

He helped him to his feet and supported him until they reached the end of the path. When they were in front of the two doors he helped him sit down. Rodney leaned back against the hedge, barely conscious. "What does...it say ?" he asked gesturing towards the lectern.

John walked over to it. With a glance back at Rodney he began to read.

"Lion or lamb, you must be sure,

Only one question ask a door.

One tells the truth, the other lies,

In your choice you must be wise."

"This is the classic...two guard problem," Rodney said weakly.

"Great. What's the answer ? Rodney ?" John went across to him. Rodney had passed out. "Wonderful," he said. "OK John. You're smart. Work it out..."

He thought for several minutes acutely aware that Rodney was steadily getting weaker. Suddenly it clicked. He went up to the left hand door. A face appeared and smiled at him.

"If I ask the other door," he said. "If he hid the lion or the lamb. What would he say ?"

"He would say," the "face" replied slowly. "That he hid the lamb."

The face disappeared and just the door remained.

"OK," John said. "Here goes nothing." He reached forward and opened the door.

It opened into a plain room. Inside was a lamb and it was sitting at the base of the pedestal.

"Oh thank God !" John said. He ran to the pedestal and turned off the program. The room returned to what it was before and the pedestal sunk back into the floor.

Rodney lay on his side a few feet away. The knife had disappeared along with the rest of the program and a pool of blood was appearing on the floor in front of him. John ran to get help.

oOo

Several days later John visted Rodney in the infirmary. Rodney was propped up in bed tapping away on his laptop. He looked up as John came in.

"Hey," he said smiling. "I've had Radek disconnect all power to that room. You won't believe how much that little fiasco used."

"Yeah, sorry about that," John said awkwardly. "And sorry about the...er..." he gestured towards the monitors and IV.

"Hum," Rodney said. "Much as I appreciate your concern next time leave me to duck by myself, OK ? Believe it or not that is something that I can do."

"Right. Carson says you'll be out soon."

"Yeah, maybe by tomorrow if I "promise to behave myself"."

"Guess I'm back to knocking golf balls into the ocean."

Rodney looked at him. "What ?"

"Well I figured with a holosuite I could finally have a golf course."

"Colonel, with an entire plethora to choose from the best you can come up with is a golf course ?"

"Yeah. Why ?"

"And I've been told that I have a lack of imagination," Rodney said shaking his head and looking back at his computer.

"What ?"

fin.

ps: In the classic true/false puzzle by asking what the other person would say you guarantee that whatever answer you get it will be a lie (either the one you're talking to is lying or the other one is either way the result's the same).

Ok I think I'm puzzled out (at least for now). Hope you like it.

Debbie


	15. Vengeance Is Mine

**Disclaimer: ** etc etc etc

Just a short shot...

**Vengeance Is Mine.**

The Major watched from the far side of the gateroom as Colonel John Sheppard, Doctor Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagan and Ronon Dex returned from offworld.

They were laughing and joking together. Even McKay, who tended to be the cynic, was relaxed and smiling.

The Major was patient. It had taken him over two years to get assigned to Atlantis. To be near Sheppard. Soon he would get his chance...

oOo

Several days later the Major was watching Rodney as he worked in his lab. He was watching from a corner in a darkened room next door. It was late evening and no one else was around as Rodney concentrated on his research. The Major had spent hours watching closed circuit footage of McKay and he knew his work habits by heart. Any time now...

He checked his watch. Every evening when Rodney worked late a junior scientist came in with a fresh cup of coffee at about nine o'clock. Right on cue the scientist came in and placed the cup on his table. Rodney mumbled an acknowledgement and the scientist left. Rodney took a sip of the hot coffee and then left for the bathroom.

The Major smiled. He was so predictable. This was going to be easy. He slipped out of the back room and silently dropped a few drips of lemon juice into the coffee. He then went back into the shadows of the back room to watch.

Rodney came back and sat down at his computer. He reached for his cup...

Suddenly Ronon burst into the lab. Startled, Rodney dropped the cup and it shattered on the floor.

"Come on, McKay," Ronon said. "We've got to get ready to get out of here." He grabbed Rodney by the back of his shirt. Yanking him to his feet, he ushered him towards the door.

"But it's evening..."

"It's daylight where we're going."

Rodney gestured towards his desk as Ronon pushed him out. "My computer..." he said.

Ronon reached back and grabbed the laptop as he continued to push Rodney out into the hallway. Moments later there was silence.

The Major came out of the back room and looked down at the broken cup. A frown crossed his face. He was angry. He had waited too long already. His revenge was so near...

He made his way towards the gateroom. If they were going offworld, so was he.

oOo

The young Lieutenant was surprised when the Major relieved him of duty and took his place. Going offworld with the teams was fun. Guarding the gate and watching for wraith was not. Usually you never got out of that duty. He wasn't going to complain. If a Major wanted gate duty offworld there was always that new nurse to see...

The Major watched as the team approached. He stood quietly with the three other marines, his hand resting lightly on his P90.

John Sheppard glanced briefly in his direction as he went past. The Major looked him right in the eye, daring him to recognize him. Without a flicker of emotion John moved on through the gate.

The Major followed with the team of marines.

Once on the planet John turned to the Major. "Stay here," he said. "We'll radio in at twenty three hundred Atlantis time."

"Yes, sir," the Major answered.

The Major deployed the marines and watched as John and his team walked off into the distance.

oOo

"OK," Rodney was saying as they walked. "What was so all fire urgent that I got dragged..." he paused and glared at Ronon, "out of my lab at this hour ? Oh this is so going to mess up my circadian sleep rhythm," he said looking up at the sun.

"You have a sleep pattern ?" Teyla said lifting an eyebrow, a slight smile on her face.

"Well according to the archaeological team that just returned there was a locked door to a building that was registering a high level EM field. They couldn't get the door to open and Elizabeth thought that you might be interested. But of course if you don't want to go..." John stopped and looked back at him. "I'm sure that Radek..."

"Oh, stop baiting me, Colonel," Rodney said. "We're here already and my train of thought has already been torpedoed by mister subtlety here..." he gestured towards Ronon who was clearly amused.

"I was told to bring you," he said.

"Not by the scruff of the neck," Rodney snorted.

Ronon just shrugged. "Whatever," he said walking towards the building.

The building was small and square and plain with no windows and just the one door. It was about the size of a small garage and about fifteen feet high.

Rodney stopped by the door and took out his padd. "There's definately some high readings here," he said scanning up and down. "But I can't tell if the readings are in the top part here or if it leads down to something larger." He put the padd away in his vest and pulled the front off the control panel.

"Can you open it ?" John asked.

Rodney shot him a look but didn't comment. He took his pack off and rummaged inside, kneeling in front of the panel. He pulled a handful of crystals from the pack. Putting them on the grass in front of him he reached into the panel and pulled a crystal out and looked at it.

"It looks like the main crystal is broken," he said. "One of these may work..." He started to compare the crystals.

The Major watched from the trees surrounding the clearing where the building was as Rodney worked on the lock.

Lifting his P90 he carefully took aim. He could feel his excitement level increasing and forced himself to breathe slowly. He didn't want to miss...

oOo

The first bullet grazed Rodney's forehead. As he fell sideways the Major pumped another bullet into his side.

John turned at the sound of the first shot and he raised his own weapon as he saw Rodney fall. Ronon grabbed Rodney by the back of his tac vest and pulled him around to the side of the building out of the line of fire. Teyla and John followed him sneaking looks around the corners of the building.

"He must be over there," John said standing with his back to the building and nodding towards the opposite side. "How's Rodney ?" he asked.

Teyla had put a bandage on Rodney's head and had undone his vest and was checking his side. "The wound to his head is shallow," she said. "Just enough to knock him out. But he has also been shot in the side."

"We're pinned down," Ronon said. "This thing is right in the middle of the clearing. If we try to make it to the trees he could easily pick us off."

John hit his radio. "Sheppard to gate detail," he said. "We're under attack."

"I know," the Major answered.

John looked at Ronon and Teyla who had also heard. "Major ?" he said.

"That is correct, Colonel. You don't remember me, do you ?"

John was puzzled. "No, Major," he said. "Are you the one who shot Doctor McKay ?"

"I am."

"May I ask why ?"

"Do you remember Corporal Paul Stevenson ?"

John stood still for a moment, thinking. "Afghanistan." he said. "Five...no six years ago..."

"He was my son..."

"Major. He chose to dive on that grenade. He saved several lives that day. He was a hero..."

"You were in command of that unit...You should have been the one..."

Understanding began to dawn on John. "What has that got to do with McKay ?" he asked.

"My son died under your command so someone close to you must die."

"That's insane," Ronon said switching his radio off.

"We must get Doctor McKay to a doctor soon," Teyla said. "He is bleeding badly."

Rodney was starting to move. He groaned in pain and coughed. Wincing, he turned onto his side and spat up some blood. "What the hell ?" he gasped.

"You have been shot, Rodney," Teyla said. "Try to stay still."

John had also switched his radio off. "It will be hours until dark," he said.

"Keep him talking," Ronon said. "I'm gonna see if I can make it to those trees."

"You will be out in the open," Teyla said.

"Not if I keep the building between him and me and stay low," Ronon said.

John didn't want to mention it but with Ronon "staying low" was easier said than done. But in the absence of a better idea he nodded and hit his radio. "Major Stevenson," he said stepping out to the side of the building.

"What are you doing ?" Rodney hissed. "You'll get...shot.."

John glanced at him and then forward to where he thought that Major Stevenson was concealed. "Major ? Are you there ?"

In answer Major Stevenson placed a bullet into the ground just in front of John. John jumped slightly but didn't take cover. If he'd wanted to kill him he would've done so already.

"Major," John continued his mind racing. "Where are your men ?"

Major Stevenson laughed. "My men ?" he said. "Your men, Colonel, are indisposed..."

John was hoping that that meant that he hadn't killed them. Resisting the urge to look back and check on Ronon's progress he continued. "McKay is a civilian," he said. "He has nothing to do with any of this."

"He is part of your team and therefore under your command."

"He's still a civilian scientist..."

"Enough! You will watch him die..."

"Look it's me you're after. Let the others go."

"This affects you more. Death is too quick. You must live with what you've done..."

"I do live with it but it was your sons' choice..."

John dove for cover behind the building as Major Stevenson peppered the area where he'd been standing with automatic fire. As he rolled and stood up he looked to the back. Ronon was nowhere in sight.

"So much for talking.." John said switching his radio off.

"Now what ?" Rodney asked.

"We wait," John replied. "Shouldn't be long. I hope," he added.

"Easy for you...to say," Rodney said. "God it hurts," he said gasping for breath.

Teyla was looking towards the trees. "Do you think he'll move ?" she asked.

"I would," John said also watching the tree line. "Move around to get a better angle."

"Oh thank you for that...thought," Rodney said quietly.

John was watching intently for movement even though he didn't really expect to see any. Major Stevenson was a trained marine and Ronon was, well, Ronon. He jumped as a small animal broke cover and ran swiftly across the clearing.

He suddenly saw a flash of red through the trees. Moments later Ronon appeared. He was dragging the unconscious Major like a bag of trash.

John ran to meet him. "Is he...?" he asked.

"He's out cold is all," Ronon said. "It was tempting though."

oOo

A few days later John went to visit Rodney in the infirmary. The marines had been discharged a couple of days earlier and Rodney was the only patient left. He was arguing with Carson as John approached.

"But I'll be fine," he was saying. "I promise I'll stick to just lab work..."

"You've been shot, Rodney," Carson said firmly. "And you've had major..."

"Don't mention that word."

"You've had..surgery," Carson continued. "Two more days. This is for your benefit not mine. You're not exactly the most compliant patient." He walked away as John approached. "Evening Colonel," he said.

"Carson," John replied. After Carson left John sat at the end of the bed. "You know, Rodney, he'd probably let you out sooner if you gave him less flack."

"Wouldn't bet on it," Rodney said. "There are times when I feel that I ought to just hang a flag in here. Stake out a claim to my own territory."

"Province of McKay ?"

"Something like that. What happened with...What's his name ? Stevens..."

"Stevenson. He'll be going back to earth when the Daedalus next ships out. He'll be in a psychiatric ward for some time, I imagine. Oh. Radek got the door open."

"Really ? What was in there ?"

"An EM generator with a nuclear core and very little in the way of shielding. Radek's still complaining about the possible radiation exposure. And apparently to add insult to injury there wasn't even much actual power left in it."

"Maybe getting shot wasn't so bad then."

"I'll give Stevenson your regards."

Rodney smiled briefly. "Funny," he said. "Any chance you could smuggle my laptop in ?"

"Don't even think about it," Carson said from across the room. "You're gonna rest or I'm gonna sedate ya."

"Gee no privacy here."

Carson came to the side of the bed. "Ya want privacy don't get shot. At least this time you can lay on your back," he added walking back to his desk.

"Must everyone keep bringing that up ? You get shot in the butt one time..."

John couldn't help but smile.

fin

just a short one this time

debbie


	16. Cat Caper

**Disclaimer:** the usual etc

Just a little story that's short & sweet (but not, of course for Rodney)

**Cat Capers**

"Why is it that these places are always so far from the gate ?"

"Well, Rodney," John said from behind him. "If the Wraith could come through my gate at any time I wouldn't put my home right next to it either."

"They'd just use a Dart. Why couldn't we use a Jumper ?"

They were walking in single file on a narrow path surrounded by trees. To John the answer was obvious. "Because the village is in a valley with trees everywhere. You can't park those things just anywhere, you know."

"Besides," Ronon said from the front. "The walk will do you good."

"Thank you for this sudden interest in my health," Rodney said pulling out his handkerchief. "But it's really not helping my allergies," he added wiping his nose. "And I've got a nosebleed," he said noticing a few drops of blood. "And it's hot," he added.

"It is only about five miles," Teyla said as she walked behind Ronon. "And we finished the negotiations ahead of schedule. You will be home soon."

"Yeah, I'm proud of you, Rodney," John said. "You managed to not piss off their High Priest."

"Hum. Strange little idols they had everywhere. Kinda like Garfield with teeth."

"Who's Garfield ?" Ronon asked.

"Cartoon cat that likes to eat a lot," John replied. Ronon just shook his head and smiled.

They walked on in silence for a few minutes. Ronon kept looking around.

"What is it, Ronon ?" John asked.

"Keep hearing somethin' ."

"What ?" Rodney said still wiping his nose. "Like a bird, animal, person ?"

"Somethin' small..."

Rodney was about to reply when he was hit in the back by a cat-like creature that leapt from the branches above him. It was about the same size as a large housecat with long fangs and very sharp claws. Teeth and claws that it was using to great effect on Rodney's neck and shoulders as he lay flat on the ground screaming in pain.

Ronon stepped back and grabbed the animal by the scruff of its neck but it had its teeth firmly fixed in Rodney's left shoulder and tightened its grip as Ronon held it.

"Get it off me !" Rodney yelled as the cat dug its claws deeper into his right shoulder and back.

John turned his P90 around and hit the cat hard between its eyes. Stunned by the blow the cat loosened its grip enough for Ronon to pull it off Rodney. He threw the animal through the trees and into the ravine next to the path.

Rodney was gasping in pain. He cried out as Ronon and John lifted him.

"There are more," Ronon said.

"Sorry Rodney," John said as they maneuvered him along the narrow pathway.

Teyla had gone ahead. She came running back. "There's a cave," she said. "This way."

They followed her a short way up the path and into the cave. John and Ronon sat Rodney down towards the back of the small cave and then took up positions at the entrance as Teyla helped Rodney.

Rodney was hunched over, eyes squeezed shut and gasping for breath. Teyla carefully removed his tac vest. She pulled his shirt away from the wounds and applied pressure dressings on each side of his neck. She did what she could to make him comfortable, put a blanket over him and gave him a couple of pain pills out of the medicine kit. She walked to the front of the cave where John and Ronon were keeping the cats at bay with sporadic bursts of gunfire.

"They smell the blood," Ronon said.

"How is he ?" John asked.

Teyla looked worried. "He has deep wounds on his right shoulder and back from the animals' claws but I am really concerned about the bite on his left shoulder. It is deep and near to his neck."

"There are too many of them out there right now and it will be dark soon," Ronon said. "We need to wait until morning."

"Will Rodney be OK until then ?" John asked.

Teyla looked back at the sleeping scientist. "I have slowed the bleeding," she said. "I will watch him through the night."

"We need to build a fire," John said. "Cover me while I gather some sticks."

oOo

With the fire burning in the entrance the cats were staying back away from the cave.

Ronon sat just inside the cave looking out. John walked to the back to where Rodney lay with Teyla sitting next to him. He crouched down next to them.

"He's still sleeping," she said. "But there are no more pain pills in the kit."

John nodded. Rodney would be miserable by morning but they didn't have much choice in the matter with the predators outside. It wasn't safe to travel in the dark especially not carrying a stretcher. "I can take the next watch if you want to get some sleep," he said.

"I will be fine," Teyla insisted. "You rest. I will wake you if I need you," she added.

"OK," John said rubbing his face. He propped himself up against the wall and closed his eyes. He had learned a long time ago to sleep when you had the opportunity.

Four hours later Ronon woke him for the second watch. "It's all quiet," he said as John stretched. "But they're still out there."

"How's Rodney ?"

Teyla looked up at him. "He's starting to get restless," she said. "I believe that the medication is wearing off."

The fire was burning brightly. Ronon had somehow got some more kindling. John sat by the fire looking outside. He could make out several pairs of eyes reflecting the light as the cats watched. Ronon was already asleep. John watched as Teyla gave Rodney a drink from a water bottle. Even from the cave entrance John could hear Rodney's breathing and it didn't sound good. He checked his watch and looked at the sky. Hopefully it would be daylight soon. The cats were creeping him out.

As the sun started to rise over the trees the cats moved away seemingly deciding that this particular meal wasn't worth waiting for.

Teyla walked over and stood next to John. "Doctor McKay is running a fever," she said. "The bite wound seems to be infected."

Leaving Teyla by the entrance John went to the back to check on Rodney. "Hey," he said crouching next to him and touching him lightly on his chest.

Rodney opened his eyes slightly and looked at him. His gaze was unfocused and his voice weak as he answered. "Hey..." he said.

John was concerned. Rodney was shivering and feverish. John moved the bandage slightly on his left shoulder. Red streaks spread out from the wound which felt hot. Teyla was right, it was infected. "We're gonna get you out of here," he said. "Boy what some people will do to get out of walking."

"Yeah..." Rodney said quietly. "I think...on reflection...I'd rather walk..."

oOo

They put a stretcher together and carried Rodney to the gate without incident. It appeared that the cats had returned to their lairs.

Once back in Atlantis Rodney was rushed to the Infirmary. Ronon and Teyla followed while John went to brief Elizabeth. Afterwards he met up with the others as they waited for Carson. He sat down with them to wait.

It was almost an hour later when Carson came out. He looked concerned.

"How is he ?" John asked standing up.

"It's not an infection," Carson said throwing his gloves away. "It's a toxin. The animal injected him with some kind of venom."

"Can you make an antidote ?" John asked.

"I need a pure sample of the venom. I need a cat. And soon. It will take time to synthesize an antivenom and Rodney's getting weaker."

"Could you not put him in a stasis chamber ?" Teyla asked.

"Aye I could," Carson replied. "If Rodney wasn't the only one who seems to be able to make the buggers work."

"Dead or alive ?" Ronon asked.

"Excuse me ?"

"Do you need the cat dead or alive ?"

"Alive preferably. It'll be easier to get a pure sample."

"Doc that thing has a nasty temper," John pointed out.

"Well take a Stunner. You'd better get two while you're at it."

"What ?"

"One male. One female. "

John looked at him dumbfounded.

"We don't know if they both inject venom or only one. If ya get the wrong one you won't have time to go get another. Oh and don't get bit. Whatever that stuff is, it's nasty," Carson added turning back towards the curtained off area where Rodney was.

John smiled briefly as they left.

oOo

Back on the planet, armed with Stunners and carrying two portable cages, John, Teyla and Ronon headed back towards the forest.

"How the hell do we find a male and a female ?" John said.

"Shoot 'em all and then sort them out," Ronon said.

John didn't look convinced. Still he didn't have a better idea. "Keep an eye out," he said unnecessarily.

After thirty minutes there was no sign of a single cat. "I do not understand it," Teyla said. "They were everywhere yesterday."

"They're attracted to blood," Ronon said. He pulled a knife out of his hair and cut his left arm, just above the wrist.

"Ronon !" John yelled. "Are you crazy ?"

"It's working," Ronon said gesturing towards the trees.

"Oh crap !" John said turning around. Dozens of the creatures were approaching from the edge of the trees.

Ronon was the first to start firing. Red flashes from his weapon streaked across the small clearing. John and Teyla followed suit and soon there were stunned animals all over the clearing.

They lifted them one at a time until they had a male and a female and they put one in each of the two cages.

"Let's go home," John said as more of the cats circled the edge of the clearing. "Before they start waking up."

oOo

Several days later the team was visiting Rodney in the Infirmary. He was still pale and was wrapped in bandages across his shoulders and upper chest.

"So what did Carson do with the cats ?" Rodney asked. "Euthanize them ?"

"Carson does not like to harm anything," Teyla said.

"Not even a cat with the temperament of Genghis Khan ?" Rodney asked.

"Apparently Major Lornes' team has drawn the detail of taking them back and setting them free," John said looking innocent. "Oh and the animals are awake. To quote Carson, "You can't leave the poor wee things helpless"."

"Yeah," Rodney said. "God forbid something should eat one. They might get indigestion."

"It's probably poisonous," Ronon said smiling.

"That too."

"How is Carson ?" Teyla asked.

"Well he's done sneezing but I gather that the hives haven't gone away yet," Rodney said. "When I saw him earlier he was still scratching and muttering something about "bloody cats"."

"Looks like he has an intergalactic cat allergy," John said. "Guess he'll have to stick to turtles."

oOo

My cats leap on me all the time but they're declawed !!

Reviews would be great.

debbie


	17. The Kirk Factor

**Disclaimer:** yada yada yada

"Word of caution. The whole Captain Kirk routine is problematic to say the least let alone morally dubious." - Rodney McKay

Oh and how problematic it can be...

**The Kirk Factor**

Rodney was perfectly at peace. He had found a small "meditation" area just outside of the village. Not that he was meditating mind you nor did he plan to. But it was shady and cool with a seat, a small fountain and some fruit that tasted remarkably like pineapple. All was well with the world.

As he sat enjoying the quiet afternoon he noticed a cloud of dust appearing just over the hill from the direction of the village. Rodney squinted in the direction of the cloud. Something was coming up the path. Looked kinda like...

"John ?"

He was running along the path. Really running, Not just a jog or something but running like something, or someone, was after him.

Rodney stood up. "What ?" he said.

"Run !" John yelled as he approached. "Rodney ! Run !"

"What did you do ?" Rodney yelled back without moving.

John grabbed his arm on the way past and pulled him along. Rodney's fruit plate fell to the ground but his protest was cut short by the sound of about a dozen, heavily armed, natives screaming as they crested the hill in pursuit.

Rodney glanced back open mouthed as John dragged him along. "It was Leila wasn't it ?" he yelled.

"Not now, Rodney," John replied, still running. "There's a small well hidden cave..."

"How do you...know ?"

"Never mind...here !" Rodney stumbled and almost fell as John pushed him firmly into a small cave, the entrance of which was hidden by dense bushes. Rodney leaned against the wall, hunched over and breathing heavily as John watched the natives run past. "Well that was close," John said turning to Rodney who had sunk to his knees. An arrow was jutting from the middle of his back just to the right of his spine. John caught him just as he fell. "Oh crap !" John said. "Rodney..."

oOo

John snapped the shaft off the arrow and helped Rodney to sit propped up against the side wall. Despite being in pain Rodney still managed to glare at him. "Didn't I tell you..." he panted. "That romancing the alien priestess was...decidedly problematic ?"

"And morally dubious," John said. "Yes I remember. But she came after me."

"Don't they all...Ah...Who were the...er...attack squad ? Daddy and friends ?"

"Actually I think that was her husband and his family."

"Oh good grief. A married one ?"

"I didn't know. Anyhow we can just wait a while and head for the gate."

"Oh like they won't know...that's where we're headed."

John smiled briefly in acknowledgement and turned to watch the road.

"I guess the naquadah deal is probably...off too," Rodney said. "Elizabeth will be pissed..."

John winced. They had a mine full of naquadah that they had been willing to trade for basic medical supplies. It was the only reason that he and Rodney were still there. To finalize the trade. Elizabeth had told Rodney to back off...Oh yeah he was gonna be in so much trouble for this one. "Is it my fault if she comes after me ?" he said lamely.

"Oh like that's gonna...fly..." Rodney said wincing. "Look how long do you want...to wait ?...'Cause I'm kinda...in pain here."

"Well I haven't seen them come back. Which may mean that they're waiting by the gate, or on the road or there's another way back to the village."

"How badly did you upset them..?"

"I don't know. They seemed pretty upset. Why ?"

"Well was it...scare them back to Atlantis...or hunt them down to...the third generation ?...You didn't...Did you ?"

"What ? No ! Of course not !"

"Uh huh."

"Just a little while," John said. "Then we'll head towards the gate." John went out for a few minutes and then came back in. "Coast looks clear," he said helping Rodney to his feet. "I figure we can cut across country."

Rodney grunted in pain as John helped him stand. "Careful of...the back..." he said. "Arrow... Pain... Seriously..."

It took about an hour for them to reach the gate. Cutting through the trees they managed to avoid meeting up with anyone but Rodney had to stop every few minutes. When they got to the clearing where the gate was John helped him sit by a tree which he used for support. He was pale, shaky and struggling to breathe. He was also coughing up blood.

"Stay here," John said.

"No argument..."

John moved to where he could see the gate. He watched for a few moments and then went back to Rodney and crouched down next to him. "They all seem to be camped in front of the gate," he said. "Just waiting."

"Gee, that's a surprise," Rodney said leaning his head against the tree and closing his eyes. "Now what ?"

John thought for a moment. "Look," he said. "It's me they're really after. So how about I lure them away from the gate and then you can dial home and send back help."

"By which time you'll be pegged...out in the sun," Rodney said. "That's a terrible idea.."

"Not necessarily. I could outrun them." Rodney looked at him clearly unconvinced. "Do you have a better idea ?" he asked.

"Unfortunately, no..."

"Wish Ronon was here. No offence."

"None taken."

"He's never unarmed..."

Rodney snorted. Yeah of all the times to leave the firepower back in Atlantis. So much for "just a diplomatic" mission.

"OK," John said. He helped Rodney up and steered him to the edge of the clearing. "When you see them leave, go for the gate."

"Be careful..."

"My middle name."

Rodney watched as John skirted the clearing keeping to the trees. He lost sight of him for a few minutes but then saw him again across the clearing. The natives spotted him too and one of them pointed in his direction and then they ran after him.

Rodney waited until the coast appeared clear and then he started across the clearing heading for the DHD. He made it to the control and had dialled the first two symbols, leaning heavily on the DHD for support, when he became aware of someone near him. He turned just as the native swung a small club which caught him with a heavy blow to the right side of his head. Everything swirled into blackness as he dropped to the ground unconscious.

oOo

The first thing that Rodney became aware of was that his head hurt. A lot. A steady pounding that began by his right eye and spread across to the left. Then, as he tried to open his eyes, he found that he was lying on a dirt floor. It was hot and dingy and he felt queasy. He moved his hand towards his head and let out a groan.

"About time you woke up. I was getting worried."

Rodney struggled to get up onto his elbows. He coughed and spluttered and retched which hurt his head even more. He turned his head slowly and opened his eyes slightly. "John," he said. "I said it was a...terrible idea..." He winced and gasped in pain. "Sometimes.." he added quietly. "There's no consolation... in being right... What happened ?"

"Short version. They caught me. Kicked the crap out of me and threw me in here. Then they brought you in." John said as he sat propped up against the wall opposite Rodney.

Rodney, still laying on his stomach propped up on his elbows, dropped his head and closed his eyes. "And where," he said. "Exactly, is here ?"

"Far as I can tell it's the little stone building at the edge of the village. Must be their jail."

"Wonderful...Ah...Oh God..." Rodney gave up on trying to move and laid down with his head on his arms. "I'll just quietly die now..."

Rodney never did anything quietly but John didn't want to mention it.

"Don't worry, Rodney," John said. "We'll get out of here."

"Easy for you...to say," Rodney muttered. "You don't have an arrow...in your back.."

He had a point but John didn't want to mention that either.

"Maybe if you apologize..."

"I tried, Rodney. They weren't in the mood to listen... Ronon ?"

Rodney looked up at the small barred window. Ronon looked through at them, a huge grin on his face. "Whole village is talking about you, Sheppard," he said. "Your execution is set for two days from now."

"And me ?" Rodney asked.

"They didn't say."

"Oh."

"What's wrong, Rodney ?" John asked. "You upset that I'm the only one slated for the death penalty ?"

"No, no, no no. Of course not."

"I'll be back after dark," Ronon said and he disappeared out of sight.

"What's he gonna do ?" Rodney asked.

"Knowing Ronon he's probably gonna blow something up..."

oOo

It was over an hour before darkness started to fall. Rodney was increasingly uncomfortable. His back hurt, his headache hadn't abated and he still felt decidedly queasy.

John sat quietly watching him. Rodney's breathing was getting steadily more labored and he kept coughing up blood. Not huge amounts but it still wasn't a good sign. "Come on, Ronon," he said softly.

As if in answer Ronon appeared at the window. John got up and went over to him. Ronon handed him a stunner through the bars. "I've got some C4," he said. "Get back from the window. I'm gonna blow this wall out."

"Give us a few minutes," John said. "Rodney's hurt and I'm gonna have to move him."

"Right. Let me know when you're clear," Ronon said moving away from the window.

John went over to where Rodney lay. Even in the dim light he could see how pale he was. He touched him on the shoulder. Rodney moved slightly and opened his eyes. "What ?" he said weakly.

"Ronon's here with some C4," John whispered. "We need to move away from the wall."

John helped Rodney move to the farthest wall away from the window and sat him in the corner leaning up against the left wall. Rodney was shaky and feverish and barely conscious. John went back to the window, gave Ronon the thumbs up, and then went back and crouched between Rodney and the window to shield him from the blast as much as possible. John hoped that Ronon didn't get carried away. It wasn't a very big cell. If he used too much C4 he could save them the trouble of an execution.

The explosion sounded loud in the small cell. Rodney winced and held his head in his hands. John, expecting the noise, had his ears covered.

As the dust cleared John saw Teyla step through the hole. "I will help you with Doctor McKay," she said. "We have a Jumper," she added.

Teyla helped John get Rodney to his feet. He swayed slightly and coughed, wincing as pain spasmed through him. They carefully maneuvered Rodney through the hole in the wall to the outside. Ronon was effectively keeping the natives at bay with his stunner but they would soon overcome their fear of the weapon. "Hurry !" he yelled.

"This way," Teyla said guiding them to the right to a clearing by the village.

As they approached the marine pilot uncloaked the Jumper. The natives fled as the machine appeared apparently out of nowhere. Once inside they laid Rodney on his side on the back bench as the pilot closed the door and powered up the craft.

John sat opposite Rodney. Ordinarily he would have taken the controls but he was just too tired right now. Teyla and Ronon sat in the front part of the Jumper as they sped back to the gate and home.

"Hang on," John said quietly as Rodney struggled to breathe. "Not much longer."

oOo

Rodney sat forward in the chair in the mess hall being careful not to lean back. He was cradling a large cup of coffee, the first that Carson had allowed him to have since they had returned several days earlier. It had proved pointless to argue with Carson over whether his headache was due to high blood pressure (from the infection), the concussion or caffeine withdrawal.

Either way, he thought as he inhaled the aroma, it was good to be out of the Infirmary even if he wasn't actually allowed back to work yet.

He was brought back to reality by a plate being placed in front of him. John sat down opposite him and the smell of cinnamon wafted up from the hot rolls and merged with the coffee smell. Rodney smiled. Yeah life was good.

"Heard you'd escaped from the Infirmary," John said. "Thought I'd come with a peace offering. Fresh off the Daedalus."

"Hum. Well this is a good start. How are the re-negotiations going ?"

"Elizabeth and Teyla have managed to restore relations somewhat," John said scratching his head. "I've been barred from the planet permanently..."

Rodney laughed nearly choking on his roll. "Oh darn," he said. "And it was such a good vacation spot too. No facilities and snotty natives."

"They weren't all snotty."

"They were by the time you'd finished."

"Yeah," John agreed. "Not everyone though..."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Please..." he said.

Ronon and Teyla walked over. Teyla put a bowl of blue jello in front of Rodney and sat down next to him while Ronon sprawled on a chair next to John.

Rodney sat back without thinking, winced and then sat forward again. "God I hate arrows," he said.

"At least you can sit with this one," Ronon said with a smirk.

"Oh I am so not ever going to hear the end of that..." Rodney stopped as the others laughed and he realized what he had said. "Look," he sighed. "Is it my fault if he had crappy aim.."

"Maybe that's where he was aiming," John said.

Rodney glared at him.

"Just saying..."

oOo

I can never resist a jab at Rodney's expense whenever there's an arrow involved (tee hee)

always love reviews

debbie


	18. A Sticky Situation

**Disclaimer: **the usual (sigh)

Curiosity killed the cat.

But McKay's not a cat...

**A Sticky Situation**

They had been trekking along the jungle lined pathway for over an hour now and Rodney McKay was in full gripe mode.

"What is it with these people ?" he said swatting at his arm. "They invite you to come visit and then leave you to hike through miles of foliage to get to them."

"They are a secretive race," Teyla said calmly. "They value their privacy."

"Yeah Rodney," John said. "So you have to play nice."

"I always play nice."

Ronon snorted with laughter.

They rounded a corner where there was a small clearing. A small temple like building drew Rodney's attention. He pulled his padd out of his vest pocket and approached the door. "There's a low level energy reading just beyond this door," he said. "Could be interesting."

"Well maybe if we ask them nicely they'll let us play with their toys," John said watching as Rodney scanned the building. "Leave it, Rodney."

"Just a quick look," Rodney waved his hand in front of the door control. When nothing happened he grabbed the cover to remove it. "Uh oh," he said.

"What ?" John asked.

"My hand's stuck."

"What do you mean stuck ?"

Rodney looked at him with a look of exasperation on his face. "I mean stuck. As in glued to the control. As in I can't remove it. I feel like Bre'r Rabbit and the Tar Baby."

"Can you get the cover off ?" John said approaching.

"Oh now why didn't I think of that ?" Rodney said sarcastically. "Nope. It's pretty much stuck too."

"Probably a trap," Ronon said.

"Oh, you think ?" Rodney sneered. "Look there's an all purpose solvent back in my lab. It's marked..." he clicked his fingers. "C2C13F3. Trichlorotrifluoroethane. "

"Tri what ?"

"Zelenka or Kusanagi will be able to find it for you."

"OK. Stay here..."

"Funny."

"With Ronon," John continued. "Teyla and I will go get the trifluoro..."

"Trichlorotrifluoroethane."

"Yeah. That."

John headed back to the gate shaking his head and Teyla followed smiling.

"So," Rodney said. "Wanna chat ?...Or not."

They stayed silent for several minutes.

"So who's Bre'r Rabbit and the Tar Baby ?" Ronon asked.

"Hum. Oh it's a story. A folktale really. About a rabbit that was real sneaky and a fox that tried to catch him by making a baby out of tar that the rabbit ended up getting stuck to."

"So did the fox eat it ?"

"No. The rabbit tricked him and got away."

"That doesn't make sense," Ronon said.

"It's not supposed to. It's a story of brains over brawn." Ronon just looked at him and Rodney shrugged. "Hey. I didn't write it," he added.

Suddenly Ronon slapped his neck and slumped to the ground, unconscious.

Rodney stared, wide eyed, as several natives appeared from the trees carrying blow guns and a bottle of green colored liquid.

"It appears," the leader said slowly as he faced Rodney. "That Kurella has sent us a sacrifice."

oOo

It was almost three hours later when John and Teyla returned with the solvent. "I don't know how Rodney manages it," John was saying. "He's the only person I know who ...Ronon !"

Ronon was sitting on the ground holding his head in his hands.

John ran across to him. "What happened ?" he asked.

"And where is Doctor McKay ?" Teyla added.

"I don't know," Ronon said getting to his feet. "But I'm gonna find out." He said shaking his head and scanning the ground.

Teyla was by the building. "The control," she said being careful not to touch it. "Is covered with a strange liquid."

"Whoever got Ronon must've used it to free Rodney," John said.

Ronon walked over to the edge of the clearing. Rodney's weapon and tac vest were on the ground. He picked them up and handed them over to John. "At least six," he said. "This way. McKay's walking," he added.

John and Teyla looked at each other. That was a good sign.

They silently followed Ronon as he tracked them along the jungle path. They walked for almost an hour before the pathway opened up into a clearing where the village was located. They skirted the clearing keeping to the tree line.

"They headed to that building," Ronon said pointing to a large stone structure that dominated the small huts.

There was nobody around but the noise of chanting was coming from an arena behind the Temple building. The team headed towards the sound.

The arena was circular with a sunken area in the middle so that everyone could see. John pulled out his binoculars. From their vantage point they could see the central area without being seen. Not that anyone was looking in their direction. The attention was firmly fixed upon the center. In the center of the arena was a large stone altar. Chained hand and foot to the top of it was Rodney McKay. He was clearly protesting although John couldn't hear what he was saying.

Approaching from their right was a robed man who was holding up a large, ornate, bowl. Approaching from the other side was another priest and he was carrying a large knife, also held up for all to see.

"Oh crap !" John said quickly putting the binoculars away. "They're about to sacrifice Rodney. We gotta move !"

They ran towards the arena. As soon as they got to where the people were John and Teyla started firing their P90s over the heads of the crowd. People started to scream and run as Ronon cleared a path towards the center.

The priest moved quickly. The knife flashed and blood flowed into the bowl...

oOo

Teyla reached the altar first. With a couple of swift blows she knocked the two priests down from the raised platform. She turned to where Rodney was still chained. A deep cut across his right wrist was bleeding copiously and his blood was flowing down a channel and into the bowl.

Teyla put her P90 down on the stone and pulling a bandage from a pocket of her vest she applied pressure to the wound.

Rodney looked up at her, his eyes glazed. "Teyla ?" he said weakly.

Ronon grabbed one of the priests by his throat and lifted him until his feet cleared the floor. "The key to the chains," he said menacingly. "Now !"

Gasping for air the priest fumbled in his pocket and produced a large key. Ronon grabbed it from him and threw the man roughly down the stairs.

As the man fled Ronon tossed the key to John who used it to unlock the manacles holding Rodney to the stone slab.

Teyla finished binding Rodney's wrist and she helped John lift him from the altar.

Rodney had lost a significant amount of blood and he was very unsteady on his feet and barely conscious. Teyla bowed under his weight. "I can hold him," she said slipping her left hand behind his back and supporting him with her shoulders.

Leaving Teyla to take Rodney John picked her P90 up off the altar and used it to fire sporadic bursts to keep the natives back.

"They'll soon work out that we're not gonna kill 'em," Ronon said. "We gotta get out of here."

They moved out of the arena. "We can't take the path," John said. "Rodney and Teyla can't move very fast and it's too narrow."

"Cross country will be tougher goin' but shorter," Ronon said.

"We could stay and hide," Teyla said as they made their way out of the village. "You could get help."

"We stay together," John said. "It didn't go well when we last split up."

"Whatever we decide we'd better do it soon," Ronon said. "They won't stay back for long."

"We head for the gate," John said. "Through the jungle."

oOo

It was slow going. Ronon led the way clearing a path then Teyla followed him with Rodney leaning heavily on her for support and John was bringing up the rear.

Night was beginning to fall. "We will have to find shelter," Teyla said as she almost fell in the semi-darkness. "It is getting too dark to see our way."

"And I can't...keep going," Rodney said. He pulled away from Teyla and sat at the base of a tree. "I'm sorry..."

John stopped and looked at Ronon. "You go to the gate," Ronon said. "I'll stay here. It makes sense Sheppard."

John didn't like the idea but Ronon was right. At this rate Rodney would be dead before they made it halfway there. "Alright," he conceded. "I'll be back with a squad of marines. And Carson."

After he left Teyla got a blanket out of her pack and wrapped it around Rodney who was shivering. "Thank you," he said quietly as he leaned back against the tree. She walked back over to Ronon as Rodney dozed.

"It's not that cold yet," Ronon said.

"I believe that it is because of the loss of blood that he has suffered," Teyla replied.

"It's gonna get colder and we can't start a fire."

"I know. I hope that John will be able to return very soon."

oOo

John used the path for most of the way to the gate. Keeping to the edge and constantly checking ahead. It was longer but a lot faster as he was able to run the entire way. He didn't encounter any natives. Either they had all returned to the village or...

He stopped by the clearing where the gate was. There were at least eight of the natives camped in front of it. Two were sleeping by the fire while the others were walking around.

"Damn !" John muttered. He wished that he had a stunner. He had his P90 but he didn't want to kill them and if he fired over their heads he'd alert everybody for miles. And they weren't so primitive that they would be spooked by his flashlight. John stayed by the trees and got closer to the gate. He was also acutely aware of the fact that time was not on his, or Rodney's, side.

A native walked close by him. John grabbed him from behind and swiftly knocked him cold. He was carrying a blowgun and a small bag full of darts. The same ones that had brought Ronon down.

"Hum," John said quietly to himself examining the weapon. "How difficult can this be ?"

"Harder than it looks," he thought as his first attempt fell well short of its intended victim. "OK John," he whispered. "Closer and aim for the back...Biggest target."

The second time he hit the man who fell quietly to the ground. Two more darts brought down two more guards. That left the two that were asleep plus two more that were not coming near the edge but were staying near the middle.

One of them was looking edgy. He spoke to the other and then walked towards where John was hidden. He seemed to be looking for the others. It would not take long for him to spot them in the grass.

John made a decision. While he was still in the clearing John felled him with a dart. As his companion turned John took another dart and blew as hard as he could.

The man crumpled to the ground and John went over to the two who were asleep and jabbed them with two more darts.

With a quick glance around he dialled Atlantis.

oOo

"Incoming wormhole," Chuck announced. "Colonel Sheppard's IDC."

"Lower the shield," Elizabeth said.

John came through the gate at a run. "I need a squad of marines," he said to the nearest soldier who ran to obey. "And a medic. Preferably Carson. "

Carson was busy stuffing bags of plasma into his med kit. "So how much blood did he lose ?" he asked as they made their way from the Infirmary to the gateroom.

"I don't know, Doc," John replied. "It looked to be a good sized bowlful plus whatever was on the rock."

"So he could be going into shock then. We've gotta hurry..."

oOo

"I don't think he's breathing," Ronon said as he crouched down next to Rodney.

"He is but it's very shallow," Teyla said as she wrapped him tightly in the blankets. "I fear that we do not have long."

oOo

With the marines leading the way and following behind John led Carson rapidly along the path. Using the lights from their P90s they quickly made their way to where Ronon, Teyla and Rodney were.

Carson moved over to Rodney. "Light here, please," he said. He pulled a plasma bag and IV line out of his bag as Teyla pulled the blankets off Rodney who was pale, shivering and barely conscious. It took Carson a few minutes to start the IV in Rodney's left arm and then he set up a second line in the right side of his neck.

"He's very shocky," Carson said. "We need to get him back to Atlantis."

Ronon took the head of the stretcher. He walked at such a rapid pace that the marine at the foot had to almost run to keep up. When they arrived back at Atlantis a medical team was waiting in the gateroom with a gurney. They placed the stretcher on top of it and then rushed Rodney to the Infirmary.

John, Ronon and Teyla stood in the gateroom and watched as Carson hurried after them. Elizabeth came running down the stairs.

"How is he ?" she asked.

"Alive." John replied.

oOo

Carson looked up when they entered the Infirmary. "He's sleeping," he said smiling. "You can go in if ya like. Oh Teyla," he added. "Excellent job on controlling the bleeding. That saved his life."

Teyla nodded and smiled in acknowledgement and they moved behind the curtain to where Rodney lay.

He was still very pale. The IV in his neck had been removed and fresh bandages covered his right wrist. The monitor beeped steadily behind him.

"Hey sleepy head," John said.

Rodney opened his eyes slightly. "Hi," he said softly. "Guess I haven't died and gone to heaven."

"Why ? Because I'm here ?"

"You're not my idea of an angel...Teyla maybe."

"You know in that Tar Baby story," Ronon said. "You said that brains won out over brawn."

"Hum."

"Your brains are what got you in this mess. Took brawn to get you out."

"Yeah," John said. "Curiosity killed the cat."

"I'm not a cat," Rodney replied.

"You would have run out of lives a long time ago," John added.

"Well thanks to you this wasn't the last one..."

"You are welcome," Teyla said.

Carson walked back to where they were. "Come on you lot," he said. "He's gotta rest."

"We'll be back tomorrow," John said as they left.

"Carson ?"

"Yes, Rodney."

"I think I missed supper..."

Carson rolled is eyes and left shaking his head.

"What ? Low blood sugar..."

oOo

Had a "sacrificial" story in my head for some time just had to wait for the right opening.

Love some reviews - they keep the creative juices flowing.

Debbie


	19. Kolya

**Disclaimer**: etc etc etc

Commander Acastus Kolya

Need I say more...?

**Kolya**

The scientist was nervous as he faced the commander. "I had very little of the enzyme," he stammered. Swallowing hard he continued. " I was only able to synthesize two doses."

"And it works ?" Kolya asked.

"Yes, yes...perfectly..." the man continued. "Once injected the...er...subject will obey the next command given to the ...er ...death..."

"And will not remember..."

"Either the injection or the command. They will simply obey."

"Does anyone else know of this ?" Kolya asked.

"No sir. I worked on it alone. Just as you ordered."

Kolya looked at the two injectors nestled in the small wooden box in his hand. He carefully took one out and rolled it between his fingers. He approached the scientist and slapped him warmly on the shoulder. "Well done," he said smiling. As the man turned his head Kolya jabbed the injector into his neck and pushed the plunger. The scientist stared at him open mouthed. Kolya whispered a command into the mans' ear.

The mans' face relaxed. Smiling he turned and walked out of the room.

Moments later there was the sound of a gunshot...

oOo

"So why are we here ?"

"We're here to meet with Ladon Radin and his men, Rodney," John said. "I thought that you knew that."

"No. Why are we," he emphasized the word "we". "here as opposed to one of the ...er ...other teams. Surely anyone could do this ?"

"Well if you have something better to do," John said smiling. "I'm sure that Elizabeth won't mind you leaving."

"Actually I ...oh you're joking. Funny."

"He has a point," Ronon said as he slumped in the opposite chair. "Why are we here ?"

"We are here," John said patiently. "Because Elizabeth felt that by sending her premier team to meet with Ladon we would show how committed we are to this alliance with the Genii. "

"And also she felt that you were the best qualified scientist," Teyla added. "To help them improve their facility."

"Make a better bomb, you mean," Rodney said.

"Hey if it kills Wraith," Ronon said.

Rodney snorted in reply. "So when's he coming ?"

"Right now, Doctor," Ladon said strolling into the small inn. Two guards waited by the door as he sat down at the head of the table. "Colonel."

John sat up in his chair. "Well," he said smiling. "Now we're all here. Now what ?"

"To the point," Ladon said smiling. "Very well. We need you to help us. We have a ..er... civil problem at the moment with factions loyal to Kolya."

"He's still around ?" Rodney asked.

"There are many of our people who feel that I lack the strength to be an effective leader of our people," Ladon said. "They feel that Commander Kolya is far more intimidating."

"Not to mention crazy."

"Rodney..."

"It is a fact that is not lost on me, Colonel," Ladon continued. "However it remains that we need to unite our people under one leader."

"You," Ronon said.

Ladon smiled.

"So what do you need from us ?" John asked.

"We believe that Kolya is planning an assassination. We need a weapon to attack his forces."

"Ah," Rodney said. "A typical military solution. You get bigger bombs, they get bigger bombs and suddenly everybody's out of the picture."

"We are hoping, Doctor, that a pre-emptive strike will prevent a lot of bloodshed by a superior show of strength."

"We'll have to consult with Elizabeth before we volunteer Doctor McKays' ...er... services," John said.

Rodney looked at him indignantly. "Services ?" he said.

"All right. Expertise then."

"I understand," Ladon said. "We will meet back here in ...three days. Will that be acceptable ?"

"I think so," John said as they stood up. "Three days from now then."

Ladon nodded and left.

"Services ?" Rodney hissed. "What am I ? An animal ?"

"You wish," Ronon said grinning.

Rodney opened his mouth to reply but John cut him off. "Well," he said. "Let's round up our scientific team and head back home. I'll meet you at the gate ...in an hour," he added wandering over towards the waitress.

"Oh please..." Rodney said.

"Come on," Teyla said ushering him towards the door. "I, for one, would like to go home."

oOo

John followed the girl out to the garden behind the inn. She was fair haired and pretty and skipped ahead of him. "So you live at Atlantis ?" she asked. "Sounds fascinating," she said leaning back against a tree and smiling at him.

John put his hand up on the same tree and smiled. "Yes," he replied. "It is."

"We're sure it is," the male voice behind him was accompanied by the feel of cold metal against his neck.

"Stay perfectly still, Colonel," another male voice said and John obeyed as they slipped his P90 off his shoulder and his sidearm from its holster.

The girl smiled and left. Another Genii soldier walked up. "Let's go," he said gesturing towards the forest path.

"They will come looking for me," John said.

"Oh you'll be back in time," the soldier said. "Move !" he added pushing him.

With odds of three against one John didn't think that resistance was a good idea so he walked along the path. "God," he thought. "Rodney will never let me hear the end of this." About a hundred yards down the path, out of sight of the town, there was a small clearing.

"Kolya," John said as he recognized the man waiting there. Three soldiers were standing with him. Even worse odds.

The leader of the three with John approached Kolya, who did not look happy.

"What is this ?" Kolya scowled. "You were supposed to bring Doctor McKay."

"He left with the others," the soldier replied. "There was no opportunity..."

"Fool !" Kolya snapped. He backhanded the man who staggered back holding his face. Kolya nodded at the two others behind John who responded by grabbing him by the arms and holding him firmly. Kolya approached and stopped right in front of him.

"Well," John said. "Been up to much ?"

Kolya smiled. It sent chills down Johns spine. "Thanks to you and Doctor McKay, no," he said coldly. "This is awkward," he said opening the small wooden box and removing the injector. "Still. We will make it work."

He gestured towards the leader who grabbed Johns head and held him with his neck exposed. Before John could protest Kolya jabbed the injector into his throat and depressed the plunger. With a soft hiss the drug entered his system.

Kolya leaned forward and whispered a command into Johns ear.

oOo

Rodney checked his watch for the third time. "He's twenty minutes late," he said.

"Where's he go ?" Ronon asked.

"Last time I saw him he was tripping after that blonde waitress," Rodney said.

"Here he comes now," Teyla said pointing towards the path.

"Sorry I'm late," John said smiling. "I ..."

Rodney held up his hand. "Please Colonel," he said. "Spare us the details. Let's go." Turning to the DHD he dialled Atlantis. "That is so selfish," he continued as he dialled the symbols and the wormhole formed. "Everyone was waiting for you."

They stepped through into the gateroom.

"We were not waiting long," Teyla said. "The science team were late too."

"That's not the point."

oOo

The next day John walked into Rodney's lab. "Rodney ?"

"Here," Rodney walked around the corner holding his laptop and tapping on it. "What do you need ? I'm kinda busy."

"You're always busy. Can you leave that for a while ?"

"I suppose so, why ?"

"I need to go back to P76389."

"It's two days early...Oh ...Blondie ?" Rodney said putting his computer on the desk. "So what do you need me for ?"

"She has a sister."

"Really ?" Rodney stopped and crossed his arms. "How old a sister ?" he asked. "I'm not babysitting."

"Year older than her."

Rodney looked at him for a moment. "Well," he said. "I could use a break anyway. Let me get this download started and I'll meet you in the gateroom."

oOo

Ten minutes later Rodney walked into the gateroom and met up with John. "I told Chuck we'd be back in a couple of hours," John said as Chuck dialled the gate.

They stepped through the event horizon and out into the sunshine. No one was around.

"So," Rodney said. "Are they meeting us back at the inn ?"

"Not exactly," John said.

"Where then ?" Rodney said turning to face him. "John ?"

John was pointing his handgun at him. "We have another meeting to go to," he said firmly.

"I don't understand," Rodney said stepping towards him.

John suddenly swung his arm and backhanded Rodney full in the right side of his face with the pistol.

Rodney fell to the ground, his head spinning. On his knees, he brought his hand up to the side of his face. His nose was bleeding and he could taste blood where the inside of his cheek had been cut.

John kicked him swiftly in the side, knocking him over. Bending down, he snapped a pair of handcuffs tightly around Rodneys wrists. He turned and dialled the gate. As the wormhole formed he reached down and grabbed the front of Rodneys shirt and dragged him to his feet.

"Let's go," he said pushing him through the gate.

Rodney staggered and nearly fell as he exited the gate. He stared wide-eyed at the men in front of them. "Kolya," he said fearfully.

"Good morning, Doctor McKay," Kolya said smiling.

Rodney didn't say a word. He was too busy concentrating on remembering to breathe.

John was confused. "Rodney ?" he said.

"Take them to the cell," Kolya said. "We will talk later," he said as Genii soldiers grabbed them both and pulled them away.

oOo

Rodney sat quietly on one of the two cots in the barren cell. They had removed the handcuffs and he had pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and was dabbing at his bloody nose.

John sat on the other cot. His head was pounding and he wasn't sure what had happened or why Rodney kept scowling at him. He thought that maybe he'd better try again. "What happened ?" Rodney glared at him. "Rodney I can't remember anything after Ladon left."

"You don't remember," Rodney said. "Tricking me into accompaning you offworld. Smacking me in the face, with your gun I might add. And then handcuffing me and shoving me through the gate ? Right here to Kolya ?"

John pointed towards Rodney. "I did that ?" he said. "I'm sorry Rodney. I don't know what happened. I don't remember anything," he repeated.

"I've heard it before," Rodney said, his tone less harsh.

"You don't believe I would..."

"I'm not sure what to believe. Except," he looked up at John. "That we are so unbelievably screwed."

oOo

To be continued.

(Can't resist a cliffie every so often..)

Debbie


	20. Kolya Part II

**Disclaimer: **the usual

**And now the conclusion...**

**Kolya Part II**

Chuck was in Elizabeths' office. "He took Doctor McKay with him and said that he would return in two hours. That was just after eleven hundred hours. They are almost an hour overdue."

"Thank you," Elizabeth said and Chuck returned to the control center.

"There was a waitress," Teyla remarked.

"Yeah," Ronon leered.

"Even so," Elizabeth said. "It is unlike John to be this late unless something's wrong. Take Major Lorne and his team and check it out. It may be nothing but..."

"We will leave right away," Teyla said.

oOo

Rodney had been dragged out of the cell, leaving John behind. He was now standing in a small room with two Genii soldiers behind him and two more by the door. Kolya was standing directly in front of him.

"Did you and Colonel Sheppard have a good chat ?" Kolya asked.

When Rodney just shrugged the soldier behind him slapped the back of his head. "Ow !" Rodney said looking around at him.

"You will answer the Commander when he speaks to you."

"I would hate to have to teach you manners," Kolya said.

Rodney looked at him and swallowed. "Yes," he said. "Yes we did."

"So you realize that the Colonel was not responsible for his actions ?"

"Yes. How did you do that ?" Rodney said crossing his arms.

"A rather ingenious drug. Unfortunately I only possessed one dose. I had originally planned to give it to you but circumstances dictated otherwise." Kolya smiled. "Now I find that I have to resort to more ...primitive ...methods to ensure your cooperation. Methods that could involve a great deal of pain for the Colonel and perhaps for you if you understand my meaning."

Rodney understood completely. He had been introduced to Kolya's methods before. "What do you want ?" he asked.

"That's the attitude that I want," Kolya said. "Come." Kolya led the way through the door and down the hallway to a larger room.

A large device stood in the middle of the room. Rodney recognized it immediately. "You have your bomb," he said. "What do you need me for ?"

"It is not complete," Kolya gestured towards a table covered with various electronic components. "I need you to make a timer and also a remote control triggering device."

Rodney went over to the table and looked at the components. "You seem to have everything," he said picking up one and turning it in his hand. "Of course, this will take some time..."

"You have until tomorrow morning."

Rodney turned to face him. "That's impossible !" he said. "There's no way..."

"I understand that the impossible is your specialty."

"I can't stretch time."

"Oh you will get it done, Doctor McKay," Kolya said slowly. "You will get it done."

Rodney swallowed hard.

"I suggest that you get started."

oOo

Major Lorne radio'd back to Atlantis through the open wormhole. "We've checked in the town," he said. "No one has seen either Colonel Sheppard or Doctor McKay at all today."

"Stay there," Elizabeth said. "I'm going to send Radek to you to pull the last addresses from the gate."

"Understood. Lorne out."

"There is no precise way to check when the gate was dialled and it won't give me the addresses in order," Radek said. "All that I can do is pull the last fifty addresses or so. It will take some time to sort them out."

"I know, Radek," Elizabeth said. "When you have them I'm going to transmit them to Ladon and see if he can narrow it down any. Let us know if any of them are Genii strongholds."

"Do you think that they may have been taken by the Genii ?"

"I don't know. But it's the only lead we've got."

Radek nodded, picked up his computer and headed for the gate.

oOo

John sat on the cot in the cell. Rodney had been gone for hours and he was worried about what was happening to him. He looked up as the guard walked up to the bars.

"Colonel Sheppard," the guards said quietly. He reached through the bars with both hands held open. In one hand was the key to the cell door in the other was Johns handgun.

John was suspicious. He stood up slowly and walked towards the guard, who didn't move. John took the key and the weapon. "Why are you doing this ?" he asked.

The guard stood in the hallway. "Not all of us are loyal to Commander Kolya," he said. "Just as not all of Commander Radim's army are loyal to him. I know that you think that this is a trap and I understand your suspicion but all I ask is that you don't hit me too hard when you escape."

"Where's Rodney ?"

"Doctor McKay is upstairs in a room at the end of the hall. I don't know what Kolya has him working on. There are guards in the room and they are Kolya's men."

John watched as he returned to his post at the end of the hall and sat down with his back to the cell. It was possible that it was a trap but the gun was loaded and he really didn't have any other options. He slipped the key into the lock and turned it. The door swung silently open.

oOo

Teyla poured over the list of gate addresses. By cross-referencing them to the ancient database she had been able to identify several that she knew to be simple trading villages. They had narrowed it down to twenty three. Still too many.

Elizabeth walked into the room where Teyla was working. "I have a list of Genii controlled worlds from Ladon," she said. "Including several that he knows of that Kolya has used in the past."

They compared the two lists. Only one was on both.

"There," Elizabeth said pointing to it. "Get Major Lorne's team together. Check it out."

oOo

Rodney had finished assembling both the timer and the trigger. As the Genii scientist attached the timer to the device Rodney sat at the table and rubbed his eyes.

Kolya strolled into the room. Rodney turned in his chair to face him but didn't get up.

"You see, Doctor McKay," Kolya said smiling. "I told you that you would do it."

"Now what ?" Rodney asked.

The two soldiers grabbed Rodney by his arms and pulled him to his feet. "Oh I'm sure that we'll find something for you to do," Kolya said.

Rodney hung his head as they dragged him towards the cell. "This nightmare is never going to end," he thought.

John heard them coming down the stairs. He had already knocked out the guard and returned the key to his pocket. At the sound of them coming, John hid in the shadows at the base of the steps.

"Will you watch what you're doing ?" Rodney was complaining. "Where do they find you people anyway ?"

The guard responded by shoving him down the last of the steps. Rodney landed in a heap on the floor. "Oh that is just so juvenile..." he continued as he picked himself up.

John clubbed the guard as he reached the bottom of the stairs. Rodney turned. "Colonel..." he said.

The second guard turned and ran back up the stairs. John looked up after him. "Damn !" he said. "He'll raise the alarm." He took the guard's weapon and handed it to Rodney. "We gotta move !" he said pulling Rodney up the stairs.

The hallway was clear but as John turned towards the outer door the alarm started to sound and two Genii soldiers burst through the door right in front of him.

Pushing Rodney to the side out of the line of fire John fired two rapid shots and killed the two men. They ran out of the door and into the grounds. The sun was barely rising and it was still pretty dark as they ran across the clearing towards the trees.

More soldiers came through the door and bullets started to fly. Rodney fell as he was hit in the leg. John crouched next to him returning fire. Then his gun clicked as he ran out of ammunition.

Suddenly red flashes of light streaked across the clearing and there came the unmistakable sound of P90s firing.

"Thank God," John said as the team from Atlantis ran towards then and the Genii soldiers retreated back into the building.

Rodney was holding his thigh and cursing under his breath. John stopped a passing marine, got a bandage from him and proceeded to wrap the wound.

"Didn't get the artery," John said. "You were lucky."

"I don't feel lucky," Rodney panted.

Ronon strolled over to them and he helped Rodney stand. "We got 'em on the run," he said.

"I need to get back in there," Rodney said leaning on John and pointing towards the building.

"What ?" John asked. "Why ?"

"Kolya had me finish a...a bomb ...I, I need to disarm it."

"Crap !" John said.

With Ronon and John helping him Rodney got back into the back room.

It was empty. The device was gone.

oOo

John visited Rodney in the Infirmary the next day. He was propped up on pillows and rubbing at the canula in his nose. "Hey," he said as John approached. "Carson said that he might let me out later. Long as I promise to stay off this leg for a bit."

"That's great," John said.

"Did they ever find Kolya ?" Rodney asked.

"Not a trace. Either of him or the bomb. The only thing I can figure is that he slipped through the gate just before Lorne arrived. Ladon's gone to ground until they find that device."

"Hum. Glad I'm not in his shoes."

"Look... er... I'm really sorry about..." John said gesturing towards the IV and monitors.

"I have to admit that life would be a lot less problematic if you could keep your hormones under control," Rodney replied.

"It wasn't entirely my fault," John said.

"Uh huh. And who's was it ?"

"You're not going to let me wiggle out of this are you ?"

"No no no no no no.no. Not for a long, long time," Rodney said touching the bruise on his cheek. "Kirk."

oOo

Wanted to come up with a way to make John the atagonist for once. And I hadn't done anything with Kolya yet (and he's SUCH a good bad guy) so this was my effort I hope you enjoyed it.

Coming next ...Rodney flying high (without a jumper !)

(per an idea from "highonstargate")

reviews keep me writing :)

debbie


	21. Flying High

**Disclaimer:** yada yada yada

As suggested by Highonstargate...And we all know how bad Rodney is for eating things that he shouldn't...

**Flying High**

Rodney was bored. Trade agreements were tedious at the best of times and this one was dragging. The only consolation was the table full of food. He was particularly interested in some small bowls of a fruit that looked like a blueberry but tasted like coffee, only squishy.

Each bowl, and there was one in front of each of them, only had about eight small berries in it. Rodney finished the one in front of him fairly quickly. "Hum," he thought. "No particular caffeine buzz." But then he was pretty much used to caffeine. He looked next to him at John's bowl. John hadn't touched his. Rodney lifted the bowl slightly and raised an eyebrow at him.

John, who was busy talking with the female ambassador, waved his hand to indicate that Rodney could take it.

Rodney finished that one too. Still felt OK. They must ration them for people who aren't used to coffee. That or they were really, really expensive. Like caviar.

Rodney looked across at Teyla. She hadn't touched hers either. She looked at him, smiled, and pushed the bowl across.

Rodney leaned back. Now he was starting to feel better. Hadn't really noticed before how colorful everything was. "Kinda pretty," he thought leaning back a bit further.

Suddenly everything came to an abrupt halt as, with a loud crash, Rodney tipped over backwards in the chair and landed in an undignified heap on the floor.

"Rodney !" John said leaping to his feet. He helped Rodney up.

"Whoops," Rodney said. "My bad."

"Are you all right Doctor McKay ?" Teyla asked also standing.

"I feel fine," Rodney said. "Better than fine I haven't felt this fine in a long time. Yep definately fine," he grinned.

John, Teyla and Ronon looked at each other. "I believe that it's time to call it a night," John said grabbing Rodney by the elbow and steering him towards the door. "I think that we need to rest now."

"No. Really I feel fine," Rodney said rapidly. "Really, really fine."

"What have you been drinking, McKay ?" John hissed.

"Nothing," Rodney said stopping and flinging his arms wide. Teyla stepped back to avoid him. "I'm stone cold well actually I'm not cold it's kinda warm in here don't you think really stuffy if anything almost like an aunt I had she was stuffy really weird too she had blue hair...What did you ask again ?"

He was talking so fast that John could barely follow him. Rodney was hard enough to understand when he was talking science. Gibberish was ten times worse. "You need to sleep it off," he said. "Come on."

"Sleep ? No no no no no no no I really don't want to sleep perchance to dream was that Hamlet alas poor Yorick... that was Hamlet had to learn Shakespeare at school you know never found any use for it..."

"You're rambling, McKay," Ronon said.

"Really ? I feel fine..."

"Yes, we know," John said pushing him through the door.

Teyla stopped and spoke to the ambassador. "I am sorry," she said. "We will return tomorrow when he has ...recovered."

The ambassador bowed slightly. "Tomorrow then," she said and left by a side door along with her attendants.

A serving girl touched Teyla lightly on the arm. Teyla turned to her and smiled.

"You need to watch your friend carefully," she said quietly. "He has eaten a lot of the cilka fruit."

She swiftly followed the others out of the room. Teyla stood silently for a moment.

"Come on," Ronon said. "We need to catch up with the others."

Teyla nodded and followed Ronon. As she passed the table she tipped a few of the berries into a napkin and slipped it into a pocket in her vest.

oOo

When they exited the wormhole into Atlantis Rodney held his arms out straight and imitated a plane in flight. All the way out into the gateroom. John followed but was too late to grab him before he did a turn.

"Wow," Rodney was saying. "Was that wild or what ? You know it's fascinating," Rodney stopped in front of John and put his arms down. "Being split into atoms and sent millions.." he waved his arms, "of miles across the galaxy you know there was a candy bar called that I could use one right now wonder if there's one in the kitchen..."

Everyone in the gateroom was staring. John grabbed him and steered him towards the Infirmary. "Come on, Rodney," he said. "Let's go and see the doctor..."

"The doctor I used to like that show loved the idea of a small box on the outside and a large one on the inside of course that would involve some pretty improbable physics mind you studied it once I liked the earlier episodes later ones weren't bad either thought Jon Pertwee was a bit lame he never went anywhere oh look at all the fancy stuff..."

Carson walked up to them a puzzled look on his face. "Rodney ?"

"Carson good to see you are you well I'm well I feel fine actually why am I here when did you repaint in all those colors ?"

"We think that he ate or drank something strange at the meeting," John said.

"It might be these," Teyla said handing the berries to Carson. "They called it cilka fruit," she added.

"Sit him down if you can," Carson said.

With some difficulty he managed to check Rodney's pulse, heartbeat and blood pressure.

"Well," Carson said. "Numbers are a little elevated but that's hardly surprising. As far as I can see he just needs to sleep it off. Can ya get him to go to his room and lie down ?" he added as he pulled his stethoscope back out of Rodney's hands.

"I'll get him there," Ronon said taking Rodney firmly by the arm. "Come on, McKay."

"Someone better stay with him," Carson said.

"We'll take shifts," John said. "I'll relieve you at midnight," he called after Ronon as he left.

They could hear Rodney talking all the way up the hallway. "How do you get your hair to do that did it take long to grow it what are those shiny things...?"

Carson smiled and shook his head. "I'll analyze these and make sure," he said. "But I think that they're a mild hallucinogen. He might wake up with a wee bit of a hangover."

"We'll keep an eye on him, Doc," John said. "Thanks."

Teyla walked out with John. "It is interesting," she said. "That we were each given some of this fruit."

They turned into the mess hall and John poured himself a cup of coffee while Teyla got some juice. "You know come to think of it," John said. "I don't remember any of their people having any of the fruit bowls in front of them."

"I had thought that it was just their custom towards guests. But perhaps there was another reason."

"To make us a little more receptive, you mean."

Teyla smiled and lifted an eyebrow.

"That's an interesting thought. But I think right now I'm going to bed. I've got a babysitting job in four hours."

"I will relieve you at four," Teyla said. "And in the meantime I will inform Elizabeth of what has happened."

At midnight John went to Rodney's quarters and opened the door. He really could've used some more sleep. "Ronon ?" he said softly.

The Satedan was fast asleep in the chair with his feet propped up on the coffee table. John walked over and slapped his leg. Ronon sat bolt upright and then relaxed.

"You're supposed to be watching Rodney," John said quietly.

"He's lying down. Took him long enough to settle but once he did he just passed out."

"Well where is he now ?" John said looking in the bedroom doorway.

The bed was empty. Rodney was gone.

oOo

"Colonel Sheppard."

John sighed. "Now what ?" he thought. He tapped his radio. "Yes Carson."

"Ya need to bring Doctor McKay here to the Infirmary immediately."

"Er...I can't do that Doc."

"Why not ? Didn't ya say ya were watchin' him ?"

"He slipped past Ronon." Ronon looked awkward.

"Past Ronon ...? O..K...Come here to the Infirmary and bring the others. I need to talk to you about these berries."

As they met with Carson he looked worried. "I've finished the analysis of that fruit," he said. "It has several properties. In small doses it makes you calmer."

"More susceptible to suggestion ?" John asked.

"Aye it could." John and Teyla exchanged glances. "In larger doses it acts like LSD and you start to hallucinate. And they're strong. Much more than ten of these wee buggers could send you on quite a trip."

"McKay had almost three times that," Ronon said.

"That's not all," Carson added. "There are tiny seeds that act as time release sleep capsules."

"So you trip out and then sleep ?" John asked.

"A deep sleep. And by the sounds of it Rodney's had enough to put him into a fatal coma. We need to get him back to the Infirmary. I may need to put him on life support until this stuff's outta his system."

Elizabeth tapped her radio. "Chuck ?" she said. "Put me on city wide intercomm."

"You're on."

"Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Doctor Rodney McKay please inform the control room immediately." She tapped her radio. "Hopefully someone's seen him."

John tapped his radio. "Rodney," he said. "Rodney ?"

"Hey..." Rodney slurred. "Where are you ?"

"We're with the doctor, Rodney. Where are you ?"

"Oh the doctor how does that blue box work anyhow which doctor anyway."

"The nice Doctor in the white coat that let you tie his stethoscope in a knot."

"Oh I don't remember that one it's kinda dark there's a light over there pretty patterns on the wall."

"If it's dark then he's in the unexplored section," Elizabeth said. "The Life Signs Detector doesn't reach that area."

"What can you see, Rodney ?" John asked hoping to get some clue.

"There's pretty patterns in the light colored lights on the wall..."

There came the sound of breaking glass.

"Rodney ? Rodney !"

"The pretty colors have gone...oooh everything's going red..."

"He's cut himself," Carson said. "You've got to find him before he gets seriously hurt."

"Hey there's water all the way down there long long way away see the pretty lights on the water..."

"Rodney sit down."

"OK," he slurred.

John took the radio from his ear. "It sounds like he's in the eastern part of the city facing the moons on one of the upper levels. Get a LSD each and let's go." He put the radio back on his ear as they ran towards that section of the city. John continued talking to Rodney as he checked his portable Life Signs Detector. "Rodney ? Are you sitting down ? Stay still."

"Hum...getting sleepy..."

"Stay with me, Rodney."

"Where are you let me come to you what's down here hey look at those colors..." The radio clicked off.

"Crap ! He's closed the connection. Keep your eyes open."

"Sheppard," Ronon said. "I've found blood. East tower, fourth level."

"I'm coming," John said heading for a transporter.

John met Ronon in the hallway. "He's around the corner," Ronon said. "I tried to get to him but when I approached he backed away and he's on the edge."

"Maybe he'll let me through," John said.

John walked slowly around the corner. Rodney was standing by the edge of a forty foot drop into the ocean. The railing had been damaged but hadn't been repaired. Since this part of the city wasn't in use structural repairs not affecting the integrity of the city were low priority. John made a mental note to change that.

"Rodney ?" he said.

Rodney looked up at him. He was twitchy and blood was dripping from a cut on the palm of his left hand. He stepped back.

"Stop !" John said holding his hands out.

Rodney froze in place, his eyes wide with fear. His foot was only inches from the edge.

"Wha..what's happening ? I feel strange everything's moving my my head hurts." He put his hands up to his head smearing blood down the side of his face. He stopped and looked at his hand.

John stepped forward. Rodney flinched and John stopped. "Easy Rodney," he said holding his hands out. He was only about three feet away from him. "Come here...Walk forward..."

"No no no no no no no," he started to step back.

"McKay..." Ronon said from the left side where he had circled around through other rooms.

Rodney turned towards him and started to fall...

John leapt forward and shoved him away from the edge. They landed in a heap by the broken railing.

John was breathing hard. That was too close.

Rodney was shaking. He tried to sit up. "My head..." he stammered. "Hurts..."

John got up and tried to help Rodney stand. Rodney was gasping for breath and suddenly his eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped, unconscious, to the floor.

Not wanting to wait for a medical team, Ronon carried him to the Infirmary and placed him on a bed.

Carson came rushing over pulling a portable ventilator. "He's barely breathin'," he said. "We gotta get him on life support. Where's this blood coming from ?"

"Oh it's not his head it's just a cut on his hand," John said.

"Right," Carson said. "Nurse ! Out of here you lot. Now ."

Reluctantly they left the treatment area and went into the waiting room. Elizabeth came rushing in. "How is he ?" she asked.

"Alive," Ronon replied.

oOo

It was two full days before enough of the drug had worked through Rodney's system for Carson to remove him from life support and it was two more days before he regained consciousness. It was another day before Carson allowed anyone to visit.

He was aleep when the team gathered around the bed. Ronon coughed loudly and Rodney opened his eyes.

"Hi," John said. "How are ya doing ?"

"I'm not sure," Rodney replied. "Kinda woozy."

"I'm not surprised," Ronon said.

"What happened ?"

"The berries that you ate at the banquet contained a powerful drug," Teyla said. "One that the ambassador had planned to give to all of us."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't be," John said. "They were intending to dope us into an unfavorable agreement. Elizabeth's taken over."

"And she is avoiding those berries," Teyla said smiling.

"Hum," Rodney said. "So that's why there weren't many in the bowl. I thought that they were just being stingy."

"Yeah," Ronon said. "You ended up taking a lethal dose."

"Why didn't they say anything ?"

"Probably didn't want to admit that they were trying to drug us," John said.

"Do you remember anything that happened ?" Teyla asked.

"Not really, everything's kinda fuzzy." Rodney covered his eyes with his right hand. "What did I do ?"

John grinned. "Funny you should ask..."

oOo

OK here's my response to the "challenge" Thanks to "Highonstargate" for the idea.

I have never taken drugs so I am working solely from imagination (I do have AADD so I do know how to ramble..)

Any critique would be very welcome. I tried to make it clear that he was speaking quickly by leaving out the punctuation.

Hope it wasn't too confusing.

Debbie


	22. Shipwrecked

**Disclaimer:** Whatever

OK This is a response to a challenge/story idea from Dani (Samandjackforever)

So here goes...

**Shipwrecked**

"OK Rodney," John said turning around in the pilots chair so that he was facing him. "Why exactly are we going all the way to P17384 just to test out the repairs on the jumper ?"

Rodney stopped tapping on his computer for a moment and turned to look at him. "Because, Colonel, Katie wanted another sample of that fruit that the last team brought back and this way," he walked to the back checking readings. "We can kill the proverbial two birds with one stone."

"But that plant was clear on the other side of the planet. It'll take hours."

"Precisely. Look I've got to check the engine. We can't just do a quick loop around the city, we've got to go some distance. And at least this way we won't be flying over the ocean," he added quietly.

"Ah. Like coming down on land would be so much better."

"At least then we can breathe. OK. Start her up."

John turned back to the controls and started the engine. He descended slowly out of the jumper bay and into the gateroom. Dialling the gate he accelerated forward through the event horizon and into the wormhole.

oOo

For the first hour things went smoothly. John was almost bored. Oh the planet was pretty enough but with Rodney occupied checking readings and walking back and forth with his laptop, conversation was sporadic to say the least.

"We need a CD player," John said.

"Excuse me ?"

"A CD player hooked into the jumper. Play some music."

"Right. I'll get with Elizabeth and we'll requisition one right away. I'm sure that the US military will see that as an excellent use of our resources attempting to do the interface with ancient technology."

John smiled. "You know," he said. "That sarcasm of yours isn't always funny."

"Really ? I thought I was getting better," Rodney said moving to the back of the jumper and checking some more readings. "This is strange..."

"What ?"

"Keep her steady."

"I thought I was," John replied. "We're still heading...Oh crap !"

The jumper suddenly started to vibrate and jolt as John fought for control. Rodney was knocked off his feet as the jumper clipped the edge of a cliff bordering a large lake. One of the hinges snapped and the back door flew open.

John levelled the craft. "Whoa," he said. "What happened ? Rodney ?" He looked over his shoulder.

The jumper was empty. Rodney was gone.

oOo

"Rodney ?" John circled the jumper around over the lake. Then he saw him, floating face down and unmoving in the water below.

He circled again lowering the jumper and reducing speed. He aimed the craft towards the beach, ran to the back door and dived into the lake.

He swam rapidly to Rodney and turned him over. He started to swim towards the beach with him as the jumper crashed into the trees spewing smoke and debris into the air.

John pulled Rodney onto the beach and checked his neck for a pulse. It was there but barely. He turned him onto his stomach and, straddling him, started to push rhythmically on his back.

After about a minute Rodney started to cough and splutter, spitting water into the sand. John got up and Rodney struggled to sit up, still coughing and choking.

"What the hell ?" Rodney spluttered wiping water out of his eyes. He looked across the beach and saw the jumper. "What did you do ?" he yelled getting to his feet and walking over to the craft.

The back door was buckled and hanging by one hinge and pieces of the machine were scattered across the sand. Sparks spat from the remains of the control panel and smoke was still curling skyward.

"I jumped into the lake to pull you out," John said rubbing his hair. "And yes Rodney I crashed the jumper."

"Crashed it ? You demolished it !" Rodney waved his arms and turned to face him. "We'll be lucky to salvage it for parts !"

"You were floating face down in the water," John said. "And you're welcome," he added.

Rodney opened his mouth to answer but changed his mind. "Thank you," he said calming down. "Don't suppose my computer survived," he said looking around.

"It's probably in the lake," John said. "Along with a lot of the gear."

"The whole point of coming here was that I wouldn't end up in the water," Rodney said trying to wring some of the water out of his vest.

"I thought we were after some fruit."

"That too."

"Speaking of fruit shall we see if there's any of it on this island ?" John said. "Might as well since we're here."

Rodney did not look enthused. He looked towards the forest and then back at John.

"Look," John said. "It'll be hours before they miss us anyway we might as well do something useful. It's either that or sit on the beach. And you don't have your sunscreen."

"Well the data for it was on my computer," Rodney said. "I do have a photo Katie gave me." He pulled a soggy piece of paper from his vest pocket. "Not much left of it now."

John looked at the picture. It showed Katie smiling and holding an orange fruit. "So it's kinda like a small, bright orange, pineapple ...thing," he said.

"Looks like it."

"Let's go then. We'll get back here before the search team gets here and they'll be able to spot the jumper anyway."

"Yeah," Rodney said. "Thanks to your monument to the John Sheppard school of aviation over there."

John looked indignant as he led the way. "Hey," he said. "Any landing that you walk away from is a good one."

"Not that one," Rodney snorted.

oOo

As they walked through the trees Rodney kept looking at the ground. "This planet is uninhabited, right ?" he asked.

"You should know. You chose it."

"Then why is there a path ?"

"I dunno. Animals ?"

"Animals ? What kind of animals ? The other team didn't mention animals," he said wide eyed.

"They were also on the other side of the planet," John said calmly. "Better check the trees."

"Why ? What for ?" Rodney said looking around nervously.

"For the fruit, Rodney."

"Oh. Right."

They had travelled just over two miles into the forest when John spotted the fruit. "There," he said pointing up. "That looks like it."

Rodney peered up shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand. "Oh you have got to be joking," he said.

It was in the top of a tall tree, and only in the top. There was no fruit at all on the lower limbs.

"Seems like a fairly easy climb," John said. "You stay down here, I'll toss it down to you."

"Good idea...What ?"

"Nothing," John said as he began to climb. John had climbed to the top of the tree and had started to cut the stem holding the fruit when he heard and felt a rumbling. Rodney, down below, felt it too.

"What is that ?" Rodney asked.

John looked around. From his vantage point in the tree he could see down the path that they were on. There was a cloud of dust and it seemed to be ...He squinted and shielded his eyes to look. "Oh crap !" he said. "Rodney !" he yelled. "There's a herd of animals running down the path !"

"What ?" Rodney said. "What did you say ?"

"Animals ! Like deer ! On the path !"

Rodney looked up the path. The noise was much closer now. The trees and bushes bordering the path were too thick and thorny for him to get out of the way to the side so in desperation he flung himself flat onto the ground and covered his head with his hands. Just as the first of the animals thundered around the curve.

The animals were about the size of an average adult deer and similar in appearance to antelopes on earth only they were marked more like zebra with black, white and brown stripes.

John couldn't see what was happening. The dust cloud kicked up by their stampede obscured everything and the noise dominated the landscape.

After only a few seconds that seemed much longer the last of the animals passed by and the dust started to settle. John began to quickly make his way down the tree. "Rodney ?" he yelled. "Rodney !"

Rodney wasn't moving. There was blood on his hands where the animals hooves had caught him as well as a gash on the right side of his temple that was bleeding profusely.

John carefully turned him over onto his back. He pulled a bandage from his vest pocket and used it to slow the flow of blood down the side of his face.

Rodney's breathing was raspy and uneven. He started to move, turning his head and lifting his arms. He opened his eyes slightly.

"Easy," John said as Rodney started to cough. John helped him turn on his side as Rodney winced in pain. He was coughing up blood. And quite a lot of it.

"Oh my ...God," Rodney gasped holding his arms across his chest and obviously in great pain. "I feel like I was run over by a freight train."

"In a way you were," John said. "I think you've got some broken ribs," he added helping Rodney to sit up. Rodney sat hunched over and struggling to breathe.

"I think I'm bruised in places I don't even... want to show Carson," he said miserably.

"Do you think you can make it back to the beach ?" John asked.

"Do I have a choice ?"

"Apart from stay here, no," John looked around. "In any case we need to find a spot off the path. In case there are more of them," he added.

Rodney looked at him wide eyed. "Help me up," he said.

oOo

It took over an hour for them to travel the two miles back to the beach. Hoofprints on the sand showed where the animals had gathered around the water before heading back into the trees along another path.

Although Rodney had stopped several times to rest along the route he was still weak and dizzy and barely able to stand. John sat him down with his back against the crashed jumper and gave him some water from his pack.

Rodney leaned back against the bulkhead and closed his eyes. He was extremely pale and shaky. John checked his watch. It would be at least another two hours before they would be considered overdue. Even then the people on Atlantis might not be overly concerned. After all they were on an uninhabited planet testing a jumper that was presumed to be in proper working order.

John looked at the sky. The clouds were starting to thicken. It looked like a storm was approaching. He figured he'd give Rodney a few minutes to rest and then they could move into the remains of the jumper and take shelter. He looked across at Rodney and sighed. The boring flight didn't seem so bad now.

"Hey, McKay."

Rodney opened his eyes slightly and looked at him.

"Looks like there's a storm coming in."

Rodney looked wearily up at the sky. "Oh great," he said weakly. "I've just about dried out."

"Well let me help you up and we'll go into the jumper."

"Yeah, I guess you did leave the roof on it."

John was helping him inside. "If you're going to go on about it I'm gonna leave you outside in the rain."

"Oh that's a nice friend," Rodney said easing himself down into a comfortable position. "Let me get double pneumonia."

John dug a power bar out of his pack and gave it to Rodney who accepted it gratefully. "How long do you reckon ?" he asked.

"Couple of hours," John said sitting opposite him.

"Maybe we could use a CD player," Rodney said. "Of course," he looked across at the remains of the control panels. "There probably wouldn't be much left of it. You could've set it to hover, you know."

"Didn't think of it. I was kinda hoping that it would've come in a little er softer."

"Came in like a brick. But thanks anyway."

"Yeah...Rodney ?"

"Hum."

"How are you and Katie ...er ...doing ?"

"Difficult to say. She's always working. I'm always working..."

"Ah, nothing huh."

Rodney smiled briefly. "Basically. Same story,different galaxy."

"Stay with me, Rodney," John said as Rodney started to drift into unconsciousness. "Talk to me."

"Hum ...Oh ... Used to play ...mental chess with a friend of mine at er university ...to keep occupied."

"Mental chess ? What's that ?"

"Well it's chess, really. Only you don't er set up the board you have to keep track of er all the moves and where the pieces are ...in your head."

"Holy cow. And you could keep that up ?"

"Well it was challenging. We used to keep the game going for hours. He'd call me between classes with his next move and so on. Tough part was keeping track of the smaller pieces. Or he'd queen a pawn or get you with his er knight...Ah !" Rodney suddenly grunted in pain and hunched forward coughing up blood.

John moved over to him. "Easy," he said steadying him with a hand on his shoulder.

Rodney leaned back breathing in shallow gasps. A clap of thunder shook the craft and rain started to fall coming in through the broken windshield. It was getting real dark outside. Rodney pointed towards a panel above John's head. "If you ...pull that panel we may be able to get ...the lights on," he said. "Assuming that you haven't ...fried all the circuits."

oOo

Radek Zelenka tapped on the glass entrance to Elizabeth's office and she looked up from her computer screen and smiled. "Yes, Radek." she said. "What can I do for you ?"

"There is a problem with the jumper that Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay took to test," he said. "I believe that the engine will fail."

"Explain, Radek."

"I have run several simulations on the data that I uploaded from the jumpers computer. I do not believe that it will fly for more than two hours before the interface that I designed will disengage."

"Radek they have already been gone longer than that."

"I am aware of that. I believe that they may have already crashed."

"OK. Get with Ronon and Teyla. Take a marine pilot with you," Elizabeth said. "And take Carson as well," she added.

oOo

John was getting worried. By his estimate they had at least another hour before they were even due to check in and Rodney was getting progressively worse. He was shivering and pale and kept drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Rodney," John said. "Pawn to queen five."

Rodney opened his eyes slightly. "That's not a ...valid move ..." he said slowly.

"Worth a try."

"Hum..."

It was still raining and dark and lightning flashed at regular intervals.

"Rodney !" John said. He moved over and shook Rodney by the shoulder. He was unconscious. "Damn !" John muttered. He sat back down with his head in his hands. "Damn !" he said again.

"Hey Sheppard."

"Ronon ?" John looked up. Ronon was looking through the door. "What ...?"

Teyla and Carson came through the door. Carson went straight to Rodney. "What the hell happened ?" he said.

"There was a herd of deer," John said. "Rodney got run over by some of them."

"My God," Carson said checking Rodney's vital signs. "Help me get him in the jumper," he said. "He's bleeding internally and very shocky. We gotta get him back to Atlantis, now !"

"How'd you find us and why are you early ?" John asked as they flew back towards the gate. Teyla and Carson were in the back with Rodney while John sat behind the co-pilots chair opposite Ronon.

"Zelenka said that there was somethin' wrong with the jumper," Ronon said.

"I had run several simulations that all showed that the engine would catastrophically fail," Radek said from the co-pilots chair.

"And we saw the light from the jumper on the beach," Ronon said. "Led us right to you. Nice landing by the way."

"Rodney didn't think so."

oOo

Several hours later Carson came out of the operating room and met the team in the waiting room.

"How is he ?" John asked.

"I've repaired the damage and given him a blood transfusion," Carson said. "It was lucky we got there when we did. He nearly died."

"And all for some fruit," Elizabeth said.

"Well he needs to rest. Ya can come back and see him in a couple of days. Right now I'm keeping him in intensive care. Now out all of you."

oOo

Rodney was sitting up and eating jello when John wandered into the Infirmary. He grinned and pointed to a small blue plant by his bedside. "Katie was just here," he said. "She felt really bad 'cause we got into so much trouble over a plant."

"So have you forgiven Radek yet ?"

"If you mean have I decided whether to tear him off a strip the answer is no."

"He saved your life."

"If the jumper had been repaired properly then my life wouldn't have needed saving."

"The deer weren't his fault."

"True." Rodney thought for a moment. "I have it," he said. "I know how to punish him."

"Oh ? How ?"

"He can fix the jumper again." Rodney looked at John and took another spoonful of jello. "This time on his own time."

oOo

There we go..Love some reviews and if anyone has any story ideas I'd love to hear them (bearing in mind the theme of this particular epic of course)

Hope you like it.

debbie


	23. Camping Out

**Disclaimer:** Whatever. You know. I know

Just something that started out real light (but we all know that Rodney's gonna get into some trouble somewhere)

**Camping Out**

John ambled into Rodney's lab. "Rodney ?"

Rodney strolled around the corner, holding his laptop and tapping on it. "Here," he said. "What do you need ?"

"We're going camping," John said excitedly.

"Excuse me ?"

"Camping. We're going camping. For a week."

"Great. Well good for you. Call me when you get back," Rodney said turning away, his attention already back on what he was doing.

"Rodney !"

Rodney turned and sighed. "What ?" he said looking up.

"Not just me. Me, Ronon, Carson and you."

"Wait a minute. When did I become a part of this expedition ?"

"When Doctor Heightmeyer decided that a vacation would do us all good."

"So we're going camping ? Where ?"

"P17297. Don't worry you'll like it. Uninhabited and not too much sun."

"Uh huh."

"We'll meet in the jumper bay at oh seven hundred. Just bring your personal stuff. We'll have the tents and gear."

"But ? My work ?"

"Elizabeth said that you weren't working on anything so important that you couldn't leave it. And before you say anything she's ordered you to go so quote "don't send a twenty page memo on why you shouldn't go" unquote. We'll see you in the morning," John said smiling. "We're not leaving without you so don't make me send Ronon to fetch you."

Rodney stared open mouthed as he left.

oOo

Rodney showed up in the jumper bay at six forty five am.

"You're early," John said smiling as he finished loading the tent.

"Yeah, well I didn't want you to set the dogs on me," he said turning and putting his pack down in the back of the jumper.

Suddenly there was the sound of velcro pulling apart as John pulled the laptop from Rodney's back. "Hey," Rodney said indignantly.

"You're supposed to be relaxing," John said. He gave the computer to a young marine and ordered him to take it back to Rodney's lab. "What else do you have ?" he said poking at the pocket where he knew that Rodney kept his data padd.

"Leave me alone," Rodney said slapping John's hand away. "Just because we're going out into the middle of nowhere doesn't mean that we have to be neanderthal about it."

John conceded on that point. Rodney would really be lost without at least some of his gadgets.

Ronon and Carson turned up together. Rodney noticed that, apart from Carson's medical bag, their packs were much smaller than his.

"Smells like you remembered the sunscreen, McKay," Ronon said grinning.

"Yeah well I burn easily," Rodney said as he moved to the front and sat in the co-pilots seat.

"It's not supposed to get that hot, is it ?" Carson asked.

"Average temperature according to the database is fifty degrees fahrenheit at night to a high of eighty five degrees during the day," Rodney said swiveling around in the chair. "Low humidity and it's the dry season right now. Apart from the lack of civilized facilities and the inevitable allergens it's practically perfect."

They all stopped to look at him.

"What ? I looked it up. Had to plan what to pack."

"It's camping, Rodney," John said. "You always pack the same kinda stuff."

"I wouldn't know."

"Ya never been camping ?" Carson said as he buckled himself in behind Rodney.

"My family weren't the outdoors type."

Ronon sat behind John who was sitting in the pilots seat doing the preflight check.

"We used to camp out all the time when I was back in Scotland," Carson said. "I have some fond memories of those times."

"Well kiddies," John said starting the engine. "Let's get this show on the road."

oOo

John parked the jumper in a clearing by a gorge that seemed to be about the size of the Grand Canyon.

Rodney stood and looked around as the others were unloading the gear. "Seems like a nice spot," he said.

"Oh we're not camping here," John said.

"Then why did we park here ?"

"Because," John said walking over to him. "We're going to camp down there." He pointed down into the canyon.

"So for "camping" read "hike"," Rodney said.

"Ya can't live out of the jumper," Carson said. "Wouldn't be camping."

"No, no. Of course not."

Ronon dumped Rodney's pack down at his feet. "What do you have in there ?" he asked.

"Just the basic necessities. Clothes, snacks, sunscreen, bug spray, T.P..."

"You packed toilet paper ?" John asked.

"You didn't ?" Rodney asked as he sprayed himself with the bug repellent.

John shrugged. "Does that stuff work here ?"

"Figure DEET will work anywhere."

John took the can, sprayed himself, and handed it back. "Good point," he said.

Ronon shook his head and went back into the jumper for the tent. He came out with it across his back. "Well you packed it, McKay," he said. "So you can carry it."

"And no complaining," John said before Rodney could answer. "We're going to have fun. And that's an order."

"We're not military," Rodney pointed out as he lifted his pack. "You can only order yourself."

oOo

The way down into the canyon was not steep so the walking was fairly easy. Not that Rodney was enjoying it. He was beginning to think that bringing so much stuff maybe wasn't such a good idea after all. He stopped, took the pack off and stretched his back. Ronon, who was leading, stopped and turned to look at him. "Again ?" he said.

"Yes, again," Rodney said. "The whole point of university degrees is so you don't have to do physical labor.."

"I thought it was to learn stuff," John said.

"That too."

"This'll do you good," Ronon said. "A little sweat never hurt anyone."

"If you say so," Rodney said taking a drink from his water bottle.

"He's right," Carson said. "Might bring your blood pressure down."

"Right after it's spiked through the roof, you mean. Besides, what's the hurry ?"

"He's got a point too, you know," Carson said. "We are supposed to be enjoying the journey."

"We do need to make camp before dark, though," John said.

"Is it that far ?" Rodney asked.

"At the rate we're going," Ronon said.

"Funny," Rodney said picking his pack up again. "Fine. Lead on. And slow down to a run this time."

oOo

When they got to the area that John had previously scouted out from the jumper it was one o'clock in the afternoon although on this planet the sun was directly overhead so it seemed that the days were longer here.

"What's for lunch, then ?" Rodney asked.

"Whatever we catch," Ronon said.

"Excuse me ?"

"Yes, Rodney," John said. "We hunt."

"Or fish," Carson added.

Rodney sat on a rock and put his head in his hands. "Please tell me," he said looking up. "That you at least brought modern weapons with you and we're not reduced to making spears."

"Of course," John said pulling a stunner from his pack.

"I got all I need," Ronon said.

"A stick would be all you'd need," Rodney said.

"True."

"Look," John said. "How about you and Carson get the tent up and get a fire started while we find something to eat ?"

"I did bring some MREs..."

"We're not eating those, Rodney," John said. "Just because you like them."

"Well just in case..."

"No wonder your pack was so heavy," Carson said as John and Ronon headed out.

"Hey, be prepared..."

"Oh. Were ya a scout then ?" Carson said pulling the tent out of it's case.

"Hardly," Rodney said looking at the instructions. "But I know the theory."

"That's scarcely the same thing."

"I know but it's as close as I'm ever going to get."

oOo

By the time that John and Ronon returned Rodney and Carson had the tent up and a rather respectable fire going courtesy of a grill lighter that Rodney had packed.

Ronon tossed three rabbit like creatures down by the fire.

After lunch Ronon and John sprawled on the grass not only planning that evenings hunt but one starting the next morning.

"There's a river just over there," Carson said as he prepared his fishing gear. "I'll get out there at sunup and maybe get us some fresh fish."

"Should be somethin' bigger to hunt," Ronon said.

"I wonder what the local bear tastes like ?" John said.

Rodney sprawled in a canvas chair. He had come to the conclusion that he wasn't the outdoor type either. He'd brought a book and some puzzles but he wasn't really in the mood for them. A week ! This was going to be torture. What he wouldn't give for his laptop and a bag of batteries. He pulled his padd out of his pocket. Oh now that was interesting... He turned to check the direction.

"Put it away, Rodney," John said.

"But..."

"McKay..." Ronon said.

"Fine," he said slipping it back in his pocket. "Tomorrow morning then," he thought.

oOo

"Are ya sure ya don't wanna come ?" Carson said. "It's very relaxing."

"Another time," Rodney said. "I promise."

Ronon and John had already left and Carson was almost ready to go. "Well if you're sure..." he said.

"I know where to find you," Rodney said smiling and sitting in his chair with his book open on his lap.

As soon as Carson was out of sight Rodney scurried into the tent and grabbed the smaller of his two packs. He had packed it the night before with MREs, power bars, water and a flashlight.

He stood by the tent and pulled the padd out again. "Yep," he said softly. "There it is." Definately an energy reading. He checked the direction and slipped it back into his pocket. Picking up his pack he set off into the canyon.

After about an hour Rodney came across a building. It was square with a flat roof and almost entirely buried on three sides with soil and covered with vines that hid it from view. There was a door on the exposed side which Rodney opened fairly easily.

He got out his flashlight and shone it inside. A flight of stairs led down into the building. He was aware that he should let the others know where he was going but curiosity got the better of him and he started down the stone steps.

At the base of the stairs was a hallway. The readings were stronger here and he headed towards a room at the back. He was faced with a pedestal and a control panel. "Damn !" he muttered as he wished that he had his laptop so that he could analyze it. He pushed a button and the consol lit up. The wall in front of him started to glow. He watched as data strarted to scroll across the wall at a high rate of speed.

The wall and light started to pulse rhythmically and a loud hum filled the room.

"Uh oh," Rodney said as the wall faded away and a very large bear like creature materialized in front of him.

The bear raised up on its back feet and growled loudly and Rodney turned and ran out of the door and down the hallway. He made it as far as the foot of the steps before the bear caught up with him.

The animal leapt on his back digging its claws into his shoulders. As Rodney fell he hit his head on the stone step and collapsed unconscious to the floor.

The bear stopped and sniffed at him. Uninterested, now that he wasn't moving, the bear ambled up the stairs and outside in search of other prey.

oOo

Ronon was upset. Despite checking all around the camping area he hadn't found any tracks bigger than the rabbit like creatures that seemed to populate the area. And they weren't any sport. Most of them were getting so friendly that they were hopping right up to them.

John walked up to him. He had a rabbit cradled in his arms and was absentmindedly scratching its ears. "You do realize," he said. "That we won't be able to eat these now."

"Great," Ronon said sarcastically. "What the ...?"

There was a loud humming sound, pulsing and filling the air and a throbbing beneath their feet as the ground seemed to vibrate. They both spoke together.

"McKay !"

They rushed back to the campground where they met up with Carson.

"What the hell's happenin' ?" he asked. "And where's Rodney ?"

"I think that if we find Rodney we'll find out what's happening," John said.

"This way," Ronon said following Rodney's tracks. They followed the tracks for a while.

"What's that noise ?" Carson asked.

Ronon already had his knife in his hand. "Sounds like a large animal," he said smiling.

The bear faced them as they rounded the bend. Teeth bared it approached menacingly. Ronon stepped forward. This was more like it.

John and Carson stayed back as Ronon tackled the bear. John had his stunner handy but he knew how mad Ronon would be if he used it. It wasn't long before Ronon had killed the animal. It was the happiest that he'd been since they'd arrived. Grinning, he wiped his knife in the grass and continued up the path.

As they approached the small building another bear appeared in the doorway. Similar to the first one but bigger. It too snarled and attacked and was dispatched by Ronon.

Rodney's pack was propped up by the open door. Ronon reached the entrance first. "Sheppard," he said running down the stairs. John and Carson followed him down the stairs to where Rodney lay at the bottom, a pool of blood by his head.

Ronon stood in the hallway looking around. He wandered towards the back room as Carson checked on Rodney.

"He has puncture wounds on his back. They're deep but it's the head wound that concerns me," he said. "I need to get him back to the camp and get my med kit. I think that he may have a fractured skull."

"Sheppard," Ronon called. "There's somethin' back here."

John went back quickly and looked through the door at the still pulsing machine. Before he could comment another bear appeared rising up on its back feet and growling. "Holy cow !" he said.

Ronon pulled his weapon out and killed the animal before it could jump at them in the confined space. "So that's where the bears are coming from," he said.

Carson came up behind them. "Whatever that thing is," he said. "We have to leave it. Rodney's condition is serious. I need to get him back to Atlantis."

With Ronon carrying Rodney and John killing bears they got back to the campsite fairly quickly. Ronon laid Rodney down on a cot.

"We need to shut that machine down," John said. "Or this planet will be overrun."

"You know they only seem to appear one at a time," Ronon said. "Perhaps it's for hunting."

"Look," Carson said. "Ya can worry about that later. Right now I need the morphine from the main medkit in the jumper."

John nodded and ran towards the clearing where the jumper was parked. Ronon kept an eye out for bears. John parked the jumper down near the river, much closer to the campsite. He'd known about the closer clearing but he wasn't about to tell Rodney. Now he wish'd that he had.

He rushed back with the medkit and Carson gave Rodney the morphine and put an oxygen mask on him. "We can come back later for the gear," he said.

oOo

Several days later Rodney was sitting up in bed, his laptop open on a tray in front of him.

John and Ronon had retrieved the gear, or what was left of it, since the bear had torn the camp apart looking for MREs.

Rodney had found the reference in the ancient database. "It was designed for rabbit control," he said. "Since the planet had no human life the bears helped to keep the rabbit population on the island in check thus ensuring that the ecology wasn't ruined. Something that they were close to doing since the machine had been turned off for so long."

"Why were the bears getting bigger each time ?" John asked.

"The idea was that as one bear died another would take its place thus meaning that there was only ever one bear on the island at a time. But it was only designed to make one bear say every three or four years depending on the er bear. When it was getting killed so quickly the machine was trying to compensate for the threat by building a bigger model as it were. So," he added. "What I actually did was restore the balance."

"Aye," Carson said. "Pity ya couldn't nae do it without nearly killing yourself."

"And I made Ronon happy."

"You did that," John said grinning.

"And hopefully," he said. "It will be a while before Doctor Heightmeyer suggests anything like that again."

"Yeah. Well next time I need a break I'll go to P87369," Carson said.

Rodney looked up with a puzzled look on his face. "Wasn't there a plague on that planet ?"

"Aye," Carson said walking off.

oOo

There we go

just a little bit fluffy

reviews please :)

debbie


	24. Bugs In The City

**Disclaimer:** yada yada yada

I apologise up front for doing two stories in a row with Rodney getting hit in the head but I was pondering what if Rodney found a danger to the city but was unable to tell anyone (or to remember it)...?

**Bugs In The City**

There it was again. Rodney looked closely at his screen. There was definately an energy drain. It was intermittent and therefore difficult to pinpoint. It was mere luck that he had been monitoring the system at the right time. He touched his screen, zooming in on a map of the city. It was in the unexplored section on the east side of the city in a room beside one of the labs. Grabbing his data padd he went to check it out.

Rodney made his way through the darkened hallways to the room pinpointed on his map. Once inside he used the padd again. Nothing. He wasn't surprised. If it had been a constant drain he would have spotted it sooner. There it was again. Just a blip. Strange... it seemed to be coming from the console.

Rodney walked across to it and looked over the controls. Nothing appeared to be operational. He touched a switch. The screen lit up briefly and then shut down with a rather impressive display of sparks. Rodney stepped back, avoiding the power surge. He got out his data padd and checked it again. Dead as a Dodo.

He sat down on the floor in front of the console and, pulling a screwdriver from his pocket, he proceeded to remove the cover. Time to look inside.

He shone his flashlight inside and gasped... "Oh my God," he said, backing away from the hole.

He recognized them immediately. The memory of them was seared into his brain although they'd only encountered them, en mass, once before. Some things you just never forget and Iratus bug eggs was one of them.

They were moving and pulsing and looked like they were ready to hatch. Rodney couldn't tell for sure but it looked like there was at least fifty of them in the compartment. Scrambling to his feet he ran out of the room.

He kept glancing behind him as he ran and didn't see the pool of water in the darkened hallway until it was too late.

His feet slid out from under him and he fell sideways smacking his head hard on the exposed conduit that lined the walls. Everything swirled and went black.

oOo

Carson met the marines at the door to the Infirmary as they wheeled Rodney in on a gurney.

"What happened ?" he asked.

"We don't know, Doc," the soldier said. "He was found unconscious in the hallway on the far east side of the city."

"OK," Carson said and he started giving orders to his medical team as he checked Rodney's pupils. "Get him on oxygen and hooked up to the monitors. His right pipil's dilated. Bring me some morphine. Stat! Get the MRI machine ready... Move..." They swiftly wheeled Rodney back to the intensive care section of the Infirmary.

John Sheppard rushed into the room. "How is he ?" he asked the nurse. "Where is he ?"

"You can't go in there," she said. "You'll have to wait out here. I don't know how he is."

John wanted to rush into the back room but he knew that Carson would let him know as soon as he could. Reluctantly, he sat down, his head in his hands, and waited.

oOo

It was over an hour before Carson came out by which time Elizabeth, Ronon and Teyla had joined John waiting in the Infirmary.

John stood up as Carson approached. Elizabeth turned to face him. "How is he, Carson ?" she asked.

"There doesn't appear to be a fracture," he said. "But he has a very serious concussion. I have him sedated. The next twenty four hours are critical."

"What happened ?" John asked. "Was he attacked ?"

"No idea," Carson said. "And it will be a day or two at least before Rodney is conscious. Even then he may not remember."

"Keep me informed," Elizabeth said.

"Aye," Carson replied. "It'll be tomorrow at the earliest before I know anythin'." He turned and walked into the back room.

"What now ?" Ronon said.

"I'm going to talk with some marines," John said.

oOo

Ronon and John stood in the area where Rodney had been found.

"There's nothing here," John said shining his flashlight around. "And he could have been coming from any one of five different directions."

"Four of which are from the unexplored section," Ronon added.

"Blood on the wall," John said.

"And a puddle of water," Ronon said.

"He might have been running and fell. But who was he running from ?"

Back in Elizabeth's office John told her what they'd found.

"So you think that he slipped and fell while running ?" she asked.

"Seems that way," John said. "And we know that Rodney wasn't running for exercise.."

"So he was running from somethin'." Ronon said.

"Found his data padd," John said. "But it's broken so it doesn't give us a clue where he was."

"Looks like we'll have to wait for Rodney to wake up," Elizabeth said.

oOo

Two days later John was with Elizabeth when his radio clicked.

"Colonel Sheppard."

"Yes, Carson," John answered tapping his earpiece.

"Rodney's startin' to come 'round. You need to get down here."

John looked at Elizabeth. "Right away," he said.

Carson met him in the main Infirmary just outside of the intensive care area. "He's startin' to come out of it," he said.

"Maybe I should come back later."

"Aye ya probably should but he keeps mumbling something about Iratus bug eggs."

"Bug eggs ? Where ?"

"That's just it. It may not even be real but I thought you might want to talk to him."

John nodded and started to go in. Carson gently grabbed his arm. "Go easy," he said. "He's barely conscious."

Rodney lay in the bed hooked up to monitors with a canula in his nose. He turned his head slightly and opened his eyes as John came in. "Colonel ?" he said weakly.

"Hey Rodney," John said. "What happened, buddy ?"

"I'm... I'm... not sure ..." Rodney said lifting his hand to his head. He reached forward. "Help me up..." he said.

John helped Rodney sit up and pushed a pillow behind him. "So how'd you..." John pointed at him.

"I don't remember," Rodney said. "The only thing that I remember is finding a nest of... Iratus bug eggs..." he held his head in his hands.

"In the city ? Where ?"

"I think so... I don't remember..."

"Rodney !" John grabbed Rodney by both arms. Rodney winced in pain and John released his grip. "Sorry." he said.

"Me too. Everything's ...a...a blur. I remember finding the er eggs and then I'm I'm here and my head hurts."

"OK. Can you remember anything about the nest. Was it up high ? In a corner ?"

"I...I don't know. It was dark..."

"That's not much help, Rodney."

"I'm sorry."

"Well how many were there ?"

"Er...several I think..."

"What ? Five ? Ten ? Twenty ?"

"What is it with you and precise numbers ? I told you I don't remember..."

"Surely you remember something ?"

"You don't think I'd tell you ?"

John relaxed slightly. "I'm sorry Rodney," he said. "It's just that those things creep me out."

"Me too."

oOo

Elizabeth turned to face him. "So we have a nest of Iratus bug eggs somewhere in the city ?" she said. "And we have no idea where."

"It's in a dark space," John said. "So it's probably in the unexplored section on the east side of the city. Since that's where we found Rodney."

"How is he ?"

"Carson said that he's doing well. He'll probably let him out tomorrow. But he still doesn't remember anything," he added.

"Except finding the eggs ?"

"Yes."

"Are we sure that he actually found a nest ? That is wasn't an hallucination ?"

"No but I must assume it's real."

"Yes I suppose so."

"I've got marines searching but it's slow going," John said. "It's dark and there's a lot of nooks and crannies."

"And it's a large area. That could take months."

"Yeah and I guarantee that we don't have that long. We probably only have days."

"We'd better pray that Rodney gets his memory back."

oOo

The next morning Rodney was in the control center sitting at his computer. Elizabeth walked up to him. "Aren't you supposed to be resting ?" she asked.

"Who can rest with the thought of honking big space bugs about to hatch ?" he said. "The last thing that I remember before finding the bugs is being here checking out the... what the hell was I checking out ?" he rubbed his forehead. "Oh this is so frustrating."

"Try not to think about it."

"Try not to think about what ?" Rodney said looking up at her.

"Well you said something about a strange power drain," Chuck said.

"Excuse me ?"

"The other day when you were up here," Chuck said turning to face him. "When you left you said something about an anomaly in the power systems on the eastern side."

Rodney clicked his fingers. "OK," he said. "Now I have something to look for."

Only several hours later he still wasn't finding anything. His head was pounding and he was no closer than he was that morning. He rubbed his eyes. Getting up he headed for the mess hall and a cup of coffee.

oOo

John approached him back in the control room. "It's after midnight, Rodney," he said. "You really should call it a night."

"Any luck ?"

"Nothing. We've been searching all day and still haven't found a clue. It's such a large area and we're not able to go very fast. Those things could be anywhere."

"I feel like I'm so close...what ?"

"What is it ?" John moved over next to him.

"A power drain, but very brief. Just a blip on the screen."

"So ?"

"I...I... don't know. Might be nothing... I gotta check."

"Not by yourself you're not."

"Well I've got to pull up a schematic and try to narrow it down. At the moment all that I can tell you is that it's in the eastern section."

"We know that already."

"Working..." Rodney started to tap at the keyboard. With a purpose in mind he was able to concentrate. John sat next to him and watched.

"OK," Rodney said. "I've defined the parameters now all we need is another blip and I'll be able to narrow it down to a much amaller area. This could take a while," he added.

"Can't you get the computer to pinpoint it ?" John asked.

"I could. If I knew exactly what "it" was," Rodney replied. "There's no pattern here. If those eggs are draining power to grow it's sporadic. Random ...Uh oh ..."

"What ?"

"There...only it's not just a blip. It's starting to pulse."

"What does that mean ?"

"I think they're hatching..."

oOo

"Where Rodney ?" John said.

Rodney pulled up a map on his computer and pointed to a room in the eastern section.

"Stay here," John said as he ran off, hitting his radio and calling for reenforcements as he left.

"No argument," Rodney said.

When John reached the area the marines had already sealed the door. "They're in there, sir," one man said. "we can hear them."

"If they get into the ventilation system we're screwed," John said. "McKay.." he spoke into his radio.

"Here."

"Can you seal off the ventilation system to that room ? Keep the bugs in there."

"I can't seal it without main power and someone would have to go in there and physically repair the conduits to restore it. I can seal the section off but that would leave a large area of the city overrun." There was silence for a moment. "I could flood that area with sea water... You'd have to pull back completely out of that section."

"Give us a few minutes."

"Do I need to remind you that those things could be getting into the ventilation system as we speak ?"

John was running back to the main section of the city leading the squad of marines. "No, Rodney," he said. "You don't... OK we're clear !"

Rodney started sealing off the section. As the doors slammed shut the ventilation system closed too. An Iratus bug was chopped in half by one of the panels as it closed.

"OK," Rodney said over the radio. "I'm pumping the sea water in now."

John breathed a sigh of relief as he heard the salt water rushing in.

oOo

Several days later the team was sitting in the mess hall.

"Well we got them all and incinerated 'em," Ronon said.

"Yeah can you imagine it ?" Rodney said. "There were over fifty of them in there. If they had gotten loose in the city it doesn't bear thinking about. You OK ?" he looked at John.

"You do look pale," Teyla commented.

"I just really hate those bugs," John said.

"Hum," Rodney said. "Can't say I blame you. I would hate them too if I had... er...hum."

John glared at him. "Can we change the subject ?" he said.

"Sure," Rodney replied. "Wonder what the Daedalus is going to bring back from earth. They said something about a special dinner treat."

"Steak maybe ?" Ronon said.

"Ah we have steak sometimes anyway," Rodney said. "Personally I've got a yen for lobster.."

John smacked him on the back of the head.

oOo

Something just a little different

hope you liked it

debbie


	25. Friendly Fire

**Disclaimer:** the usual etc etc

I always wondered why they call it friendly fire. Doesn't seem real friendly to me...

**Friendly Fire.**

John, Rodney and Teyla watched from the trees as the two darts zig zagged across the clearing. Ronon and Major Lorne and his men had managed to make it to their jumper and were airborne and cloaked.

Thanks to Rodney twisting his ankle they had lagged behind. Now they stood, fifty yards from the cloaked ship. So close and yet so far.

"I'm sorry," Rodney said flexing his right foot and wincing. "It's dark. I didn't see the hole."

"Maybe if we wait they'll go," John said.

"I believe that they know that we are here," Teyla said. "Or they would have gone to the village by now."

"Colonel ?"

John tapped his radio. "Yes, Major," he said.

"Perhaps we could uncloak and draw them away," Lorne said. "There are only two of them, sir."

"Be careful," John said. "There may be more around."

"Yes, sir."

The second jumper decloaked and the darts immediately turned towards it.

The trio watched as the jumper sped away. Suddenly they fired two drones. The first one destroyed one of the darts. The second exploded at the base of a large tree only feet away from where they were standing.

"Watch it, Major," John said. "That was close."

"Sorry, sir."

"Look out !" Rodney yelled. He stepped forward and hit John squarely in the back with both hands.

John went sprawling face first in the dirt just as the tree crashed down on top of them.

oOo

It took several minutes for the dust to clear enough for John to see. He coughed and spluttered and got to his feet. "Teyla ?" he yelled. "Rodney ?"

"I am uninjured," Teyla called out from the other side of the massive tree.

John couldn't see through the leaves. "Rodney ?" he yelled. "McKay !"

He pushed the branches away and then he saw him, pinned beneath the huge trunk. He wasn't moving.

"Oh my God," John said moving towards him. "Rodney," he said touching his arm.

Rodney groaned and moved his arm. John flinched back, startled. Rodney turned his head towards him. "What the... hell...?" he said.

"The tree fell on you," John said looking around. "You're pinned beneath the trunk. I thought you were dead."

Rodney coughed and gasped. He looked up at John. "I'm not...complaining," he panted. "But why am... I still alive ?"

"The branches further up," Teyla said making her way around. "They are supporting the weight of the tree. Stopping it from crushing you."

"You OK ?" John asked. "Can you breathe ?"

Rodney shot him a look. "Barely... hurts," he coughed and winced. "I think my ...computer took the ...brunt of it."

John scratched at the ground. It was much too hard to dig him out. He tapped his radio. "Major," he said.

An explosion in the distance signalled the end of the second dart. "Yes, sir," Major Lorne answered.

"That drone brought a tree down and McKay's pinned underneath it," he said. "Get over here, ASAP."

"Yes, sir."

A few moments later the jumper landed in the clearing. Ronon was the first out of the door. He ran over to them. "Can I help ?" he said.

"I don't think even you can lift this one," John said.

"Won't know unless we try." Ronon moved to one of the bigger branches, got his shoulder underneath it and pushed.. The tree moved a fraction of an inch before dropping back down as he relaxed his grip.

"Ow !" Rodney yelled. "Felt that..."

"Sorry," John said.

"We have some C4," Lorne said.

"Oh no no no no no no," Rodney gasped. "Not with... me under here ...you don't."

"You don't have much say in it, McKay," Ronon pointed out.

"Not a good idea, anyway," John said. "We've got no way to shield him from the blast."

"We could get some engineers and equipment," Lorne said.

"There might be more darts by the gate," Teyla said.

"And they've probably got a wormhole established to stop anyone using it," John said. "At least for another half hour."

"Need a lever," Ronon said looking around. "A big one," he added.

Ronon disappeared into the trees and came back out a few minutes later with a tree limb in his hand. He wedged it underneath the tree and braced himself. John, Lorne and the marine pilot also braced themselves against the limb. Teyla crouched down by Rodney.

"OK," John said. "If we get it to move you can pull him out."

Teyla nodded and grabbed Rodney's arms.

"For the... record," Rodney said. " I don't think that this is... a good idea."

"Got a better one ?" Ronon asked.

"No..."

They pushed together and the tree started to move but before there was enough room for Teyla to pull Rodney out the tree limb snapped and the trunk fell back into place.

Rodney cried out in pain, gasped and started to cough. "Oh my God..." he said. "Enough...already." Eyes squeezed shut he concentrated on trying to breathe as Teyla released him and placed her hand gently on his shoulders.

"Looks like we have no choice," John said. "OK," he turned to Major Lorne and the marine. "Take a cloaked jumper up to the gate. As soon as you can get through, gate back to Atlantis and bring back some engineers and equipment."

"Yes, sir," Major Lorne replied and they ran to the craft.

"Now what ?" Ronon asked.

"Now we wait," John said sitting down.

oOo

Rodney was finding it increasingly harder to breathe. Since he couldn't get a deep breath he had to keep panting and the lack of oxygen was making him dizzy. His chest and back hurt and he kept coughing up blood, which also hurt. "Has it been..." he gasped. "Thirty eight minutes... yet...?"

John checked his watch again even though it had only been a couple of minutes since he last looked. He tapped his radio. "What's happening, Major ?" he asked.

"We've got a problem."

"I don't want to hear that."

"There was another dart up here. We got him but not before he redialled he gate."

"So how long ?"

"About thirty five minutes, sir."

"Crap !" John said tapping his radio.

"What ?" Ronon said.

"There was another dart. Redialled the gate."

"Oh no..." Rodney said quietly.

"We gotta do somethin'," Ronon said.

It was starting to get light as one of the two suns crested the horizon. John walked out to the clearing. "I got an idea," he said looking at the fallen tree.

oOo

Ronon was standing on the open back door of the jumper. John was hovering the craft a few inches off the ground.

"OK," Ronon was saying. "Back, back... about another foot... careful... stop."

John lowered the craft to the ground, got out of the pilots seat and walked out of the jumper and back to where Rodney was pinned. "Right," he said. "I've got the door of the jumper positioned under one of the main branches. When I lift it, Ronon and Teyla will pull you out. Any questions ?"

"What if it ...slips ?" Rodney asked.

"It'll probably kill you," Ronon said.

John shot him a look and Ronon shrugged. "Or you can slowly suffocate," John said.

"Gee, thanks," Rodney said.

John crouched down in front of him. "We're gonna get you out of this, OK ?" he said. "I owe you big time. It shoulda been me under there."

"This wasn't how I ...planned the heroic ...rescue bit," Rodney said. "Let's get this... over with..." he added.

John slapped him lightly on the shoulder and ran back to the jumper as Ronon and Teyla positioned themselves by Rodney ready to pull him clear.

John gently lifted off and the tree limb, caught on the door, started to lift the tree. Rodney gasped in pain and took a breath as the weight of the tree was lifted off his back. Teyla and Ronon quickly pulled him out. Teyla tapped her radio. "He is clear of the tree," she said.

"OK," John said pulling forward and letting the tree drop with a resounding crash. He parked the jumper and ran back to the others.

Rodney was on his hands and knees, coughing up blood and gasping for breath, one hand clasped across his chest.

Teyla looked worried. "We need to get him to Doctor Beckett," she said helping to support him.

John nodded as Ronon and Teyla helped Rodney into the jumper and laid him on the bench in the back.

John jumped into the pilots seat and Ronon took the seat next to him as Teyla stayed with Rodney.

oOo

Back in the gateroom Carson and a medical team rushed Rodney to the Infirmary. Major Lorne walked up to John and Ronon.

"How is he, sir ?" he asked.

"Too early to tell," John said.

"You better pray that he'll be OK," Ronon said glaring at him.

Major Lorne looked pale as the Satedan walked away. "It was an accident, sir," he said.

"I know, Major," John replied. "But the results are the same."

oOo

"Why do you call it friendly fire ?" Teyla asked several days later as they visited Rodney in the Infirmary.

"Yeah," Ronon said. "Seems kinda unfriendly to me."

"The term was originally adopted by the US military to refer to fire from allied or friendly forces," Rodney said. "Did you know that General Stonewall Jackson died as a result of friendly fire ?"

"Really," John said slowly.

"Yeah, I looked it up," Rodney continued. "Not like there's anything else to do here."

"Ya know the rules, Rodney," Carson said walking over to them. "You're supposed to be resting."

"Hey I'm just happy to be breathing."

"Aye. There aren't very many people who can get hit by a tree and live to tell about it."

"How is Major Lorne doing ?" Teyla asked.

"Well he wasn't actually the one that fired the drone," John said. "And I understand that the marine that did still has another two weeks of KP duty. The kitchen floor's never been cleaner..."

oOo

Coming up next...(works in progress)

Transformation (from an idea by Samandjackforever - thanks Dani ;) )

and Second Sight (from an idea from Graffiti Kiss)

love reviews

debbie


	26. Transformation

**Disclaimer**: the usual

Thanks to Samandjackforever (Dani) for this idea.

Hope you like it.

**Transformation.**

Rodney sat down and opened up his laptop. He had to update his journal. Rodney had kept a diary for years. Now, he said, he did it for posterity, but originally, as a child he had started it as a way to cope with his home life.

He sighed. The last week had been so traumatic he hardly knew where to begin.

"Dear diary. It has been some time now since I last updated this journal. This all began about a month ago with a minor discussion with Doctor Ian Wilson, one of Kavanaugh's staff..."

oOo

"What the hell do you think you're doing ?" Rodney was leaning on the desk glaring down at the bespectacled scientist. He wasn't shouting but his voice was low and menacing. The others in the lab backed away and tried to look invisible.

"I...I... was only..."

"You have tied up every computer in my lab doing what exactly ?"

"Er...I..."

"Spit it out man, I don't have all day."

Doctor Wilson swallowed hard. "It's crunching the data on a serum derived from wolf DNA with a purpose towards creating a genetically enhanced human. A super soldier if you will."

Doctor McKay stood up and crossed his arms. "And this has what, precisely, to do with physics ?" he asked. "Why aren't you over in the biology department ? Or wouldn't they let you monopolize their machines either ?"

"Well they ...er..."

"That's what I thought." Rodney reached over and hit a key on the computer terminating the application.

Doctor Wilson started to object as Rodney repeated it with the other computers but he thought better of it and watched in silence as Rodney deleted the program on each machine.

Rodney looked across at him. "Why are you still here ?" he asked.

Doctor Wilson headed back to his quarters.

Now he sat in those same quarters, two weeks later, reading an e-mail sent to him via Doctor Kavanaugh. He was being transferred back to Earth. The Daedalus would be docking in two days and he was to be on board packed and ready to go back to Cheyenne Mountain.

His career was over. You don't get involuntarily sent back without being blacklisted for any decent research program from then on. Even if there were no specifics on the transfer no one wanted to draw the attention of Doctor Rodney McKay by hiring you after he'd transferred you back out. And make no mistake. Even though Doctor Kavanaugh had sent the order he knew precisely where the source was and so did everyone else. He'd broken the number one rule: never piss off the head of the science department.

He brooded for the rest of that evening. Finally, in the small hours of the morning, he decided to go to the lab.

He had two vials of the serum. Both of which were useless now. He'd never get a research grant. No way to test it. He held one of the vials up to the light. Five years of work, down the toilet. He was about to throw it into the hazardous waste when he had an idea.

He went over to the small refridgerator where the science team kept their snacks and sodas and opened the door. Rodney McKay lived on coffee. Hot or cold he didn't care. There was always some around. And he had a thermos that was specifically his. Doctor Wilson took the lid off. It was half full of cold, black coffee. He emptied the vial into the thermos and replaced the lid. Putting it back into the refridgerator he smiled to himself. Now he'd get his human trial after all...

oOo

Two days later Rodney woke up feeling really strange. Not bad per se just ...weird. He stood in front of the mirror trying to focus his thoughts. His mind was buzzing. There was no other word for it. He splashed cold water on his face and shook his head. His hair flopped into his eyes. Damn, he thought. When did it get that long. Have to go and get it cut. OK. First stop, barbers. Might leave some length on it though he thought as he got dressed and walked out of the room. It had been years since he'd worn it that way.

Later he was still having trouble concentrating. He couldn't sit still. Now being fidgety was nothing new for him but he couldn't stop pacing around.

It was driving John Sheppard nuts.

"Will you quit it, McKay ?" he said. "Stop prowling."

Rodney sat back down in his chair in the conference room but he was soon back up again. "I can't settle," he said. "Where is Elizabeth anyway ?"

"It's only been a few minutes," John said. "Sit down."

Ronon got up and Rodney sat back down but he then proceeded to fidget with the notepad in front of him and started tapping with a pen.

"McKay..." Ronon said.

"Sorry," Rodney answered as Elizabeth walked in and sat down.

"Do you have your reports ready ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Most of them," John said looking across at Rodney who was drawing on the notepad.

Rodney looked up when he realized that everyone was staring at him. "Hum ?" he said.

"Your weekly reports ?" Elizabeth said calmly.

"Oh ...er ...yeah. I um don't appear to have them. I'll be right back."

He left before anyone could stop him.

"Is it me," Elizabeth asked. "Or is he more jittery than usual ?"

"I'm gonna have to check his coffee intake," John said. "I think he's overdosed."

John met up with Rodney back in the hallway later. Rodney was walking, fast. John almost had to jog to keep up with him. "What happened, buddy ?" he asked.

"What do you mean ?" Rodney replied still walking.

"Well you never came back to the conference room. Where were you ?"

"I er had to get some breakfast," Rodney said. "Had a steak."

"At this hour ?"

"Sure. Why not ? Ooh gotta go..."

"Wait," John said watching as Rodney actually ran up the corridor. He stopped, puzzled. Something wasn't right. He headed for the Infirmary to see Carson.

oOo

"Well all I can suggest is see if you can get him to come in and I'll run some tests," Carson said. "But if ya can't see an actual problem..."

"That's just it, Doc," John said. "It's not just that he's hyped up. There's something else. I just can't put my finger on it."

Carson tapped his radio. "Doctor McKay," he said.

"Yo, Carson," Rodney answered.

"Can you come to the Infirmary for a moment, please ?"

"Sure. Be right there."

It was less than a minute before Rodney appeared at the door. "Hey," he said. "John ? What's up ?"

"You are," John replied. "Come back down to Earth."

"Atlantis, you mean."

"Sit for a moment," Carson said. "I just want to check your pulse and blood pressure."

Rodney was twitchy. He barely sat still long enough for Carson to draw blood and check his blood pressure. Rodney winced and rubbed his eyes as Carson removed the blood pressure cuff.

"What's the matter ?" John asked.

"Got a headache."

"I'm not surprised," Carson said. "Your blood pressure is two hundred over one ten. That's dangerously high. You should stay here in the Infirmary until..."

"I feel fine," Rodney said hopping down from where he was sitting on a bed. "I'll catch up with you later."

"Rodney," John said stepping in front of him and raising his hand. "You really ought to..."

The next thing that John knew he was sitting on the floor and Rodney was gone. It had happened so quickly that he had been taken completely by surprise.

Carson helped him to his feet. "Are you all right ?" he asked.

"Yeah," John said. "I just didn't see that coming," he said rubbing his chest.

Carson looked worried. "You're right," he said. "Something is wrong. And I'm concerned about his blood pressure he could be heading for a stroke." He held up the vial of blood that he had just taken from Rodney's arm. "I'll analyze this. Maybe you'd better try to keep an eye on him."

John caught up with Rodney in the mess hall where he was eating his way through a large, very rare, steak.

"Hey," John said sitting down in front of him. "Carson's worried about you."

"I don't know why," Rodney said between mouthfulls. "I feel great. Much stronger than usual."

"I think that your blood pressure is what's concerning him," John said. "He's afraid you're gonna stroke out."

Rodney dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "My BP runs high anyway," he said. "So what else is new ?"

"Well you're running around like you're on speed or something."

"Nope. Haven't even had coffee since yesterday." Rodney finished the steak and stood up. "Gotta go."

John ran after him.

oOo

Back at the Infirmary Carson was looking at the computer analysis of Rodney's blood sample. "This is strange," he said to his nurse. "It almost looks like there's some animal DNA mixed in there."

"Doctor Wilson was working on something like that," Nurse Nina Proctor said. "There was a big stink in the labs about it a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh ?" Carson said turning to face her. "Do tell."

"Well," Nina said. "My boyfriend Aaron was in the physics lab when Doctor McKay chewed Doctor Wilson out for tying up all of the computers with his research program. Doctor Wilson said something about using wolf DNA to genetically enhance soldiers to be stronger and faster."

"So what happened ?"

"Doctor McKay terminated all of the programs on the spot and scuttlebutt is that he got Doctor Wilson transferred back to Earth. He's on the Daedalus now."

Carson tapped his radio. "Colonel Sheppard ?"

"Here," John sounded out of breath.

"Where are you ?"

"Following Rodney around the city."

"Can you get Ronon to do that and meet me in the Infirmary ?"

"Sure. I'll be right there."

oOo

Doctor Wilson turned to face the door to his assigned quarters as the door opened. "Doctor Beckett. Colonel Sheppard," he said. "To what do I owe this visit ?"

"I'll come right to the point," Carson said. "You were doing research with wolf DNA ?"

"I was. Not any more. Doctor McKay saw to that."

"Did you happen to slip him a dose of it ?"

Doctor Wilson stayed silent. Carson stepped closer.

"You had better tell the truth, laddie," Carson said softly but with undisguised animosity in his voice. "Or I will personally see to it that you have trouble getting a job sweeping the pharmacy floor."

Doctor Wilson looked down and nodded. "I have one more dose," he said moving over to his bag and pulling out a small vial full of liquid.

Carson took it from him. "I want your laptop with your research notes too," he said.

As John picked up the computer Doctor Wilson looked up. "Did it work ?" he asked.

"Not exactly," Carson said as he left. "I think it's killing him."

As they left the room John stopped a marine in the hallway. "Take him to the brig," he said.

"Yes, sir."

oOo

Back in the Infirmary Carson put the liquid into a spectrometer to analyze it. "We need to get Rodney back in here," he said. "With a pure sample I should be able to synthesize an antidote fairly quickly."

John tapped his radio. "Ronon ?"

"Yeah."

"Bring Rodney back to the Infirmary."

"OK."

Ronon turned to Rodney. They were in a hallway over by the main labs. Rodney had finally stopped circling the city and was standing holding his head in his hands.

"McKay," Ronon said approaching him. "Time to go back to the Infirmary." He reached forward to grab his arm.

Ronon was unprepared for the attack, especially from Rodney.

Rodney swung suddenly, backhanding Ronon across the face. Ronon staggered and fell sprawling onto the floor. He got to his feet, shaking his head. He brought his hand up to his mouth. A dribble of blood trickled down his chin.

Ronon smiled. He walked swiftly up the hallway after Rodney. He met up with him a few minutes later. Rodney was standing, holding his head in his hands and looking scared.

"McKay," Ronon said.

Rodney looked up at him. His eyes were glazed and blood was flowing freely from his nose. "Help ...me ..." he said dropping to his knees. Ronon caught him as he passed out.

oOo

It was three days before Rodney regained consciousness and another day before Carson would let anyone visit him.

"Hey," John said smiling. "How ya feeling ?"

"Woozy," Rodney answered. "I don't remember much of the last few days."

"Good," Ronon said.

"Yeah," John said. "You decked Ronon."

"Really ? I wish I remembered that."

"No you don't, McKay."

oOo

"So there we are diary," Rodney typed. "The only time in my life that I ever knocked Ronon off his feet with my bare hands and I don't even remember doing it. C'est la vie.

MRM.

oOo

(C'est la vie is "that's life" in french)

hope you liked it

Up next **Second Sight **

love some reviews ;)

debbie


	27. Second Sight

**Disclaimer:** yada yada yada

This is in response to a challenge from Graffiti Kiss

**Second Sight.**

Since the incident with the Iratus Bug eggs none of the scientists were allowed to go exploring in the eastern part of the city without a marine guard with them.

So John stood next to Rodney as he examined the console and interfaced his laptop to pull up the data.

"Would have been too easy," Rodney said. "If the ancients would have just labelled things. You know, basic stuff. "Danger Do Not Touch; Really Cool; Does Squat." That kinda thing." He tapped on his keyboard.

"Will you be much longer ?" John asked.

"Hey the babysitting detail was your idea not mine."

"Yeah well if you find any more bugs I want to know about it."

"This section was flooded. Of course that wouldn't affect any eggs ...Ah..." The console lit up with a soft hum. "Now we're getting somewhere." He moved closer to the machine. It started to pulse. "What did you do ?"

"Nothing," John said putting his hands in the air.

"Well it's drawing a lot of power for a little machine." Rodney sighed and put his laptop down. "OK," he said. "Perhaps the predominant button will turn it off." He pressed the largest button on the display.

A bright orange light hit Rodney full in the face. He raised his hand but it was too late. He dropped to the ground, unconscious.

"Rodney !" John yelled as the machine silently powered itself down.

oOo

Carson was talking to John and Elizabeth. "There's nothin' physically wrong with him as far as I can tell. I've run every test that I know of..."

"But he hasn't woken up," Elizabeth said.

"Aye, not yet."

Rodney moved his head and opened his eyes.

"Well speak of the devil," Carson said.

"What happened ?" Rodney asked.

"You got hit in the face by a beam of light from that machine," John said. "Two days ago."

"Why is it so dark ?" Rodney asked reaching forwards.

"What d'ya mean dark ?" Carson said. "All the lights are on in here."

Rodney put his hands to his face and then reached forward again. "I can't see," he said. "I'm blind." He sat up in the bed still reaching out. "Carson ?"

"Easy. I'm here," Carson went up to him and took hold of his hands. "Calm down, Rodney."

"How can I be calm ? I can't see."

"It's probably temporary. Stay still so that I can check your eyes." He took his otoscope out of his pocket and peered into Rodney's eyes. "Everything looks all right." he said.

"Not from this side it doesn't," Rodney said.

"I'll have Radek check that machine out," Elizabeth said.

John looked across at Rodney. "Crap !" he said softly.

Carson spent the next two days running tests all with the same result. Everything looked normal. Retinal scans and brain scans all showed the same thing.

"I don't understand it." he said sitting in the conference room. "None of the tests reveal anything wrong."

"Except that I can't see," Rodney said irritably from his chair by the door. "That's an extreme problem for an astrophysicist by the way. I can't work without my eyes."

"I'm sure that we could work something out," Elizabeth said. "Besides this probably isn't a permanent state." She looked across at Carson who shrugged.

"I'm not about to have someone read me data one line at a time," Rodney snorted. "I'll throw myself off a tower first."

"Well let's hope it won't come to that," Elizabeth said.

"Besides," John pointed out. "You'd need someone to take you to a tower."

"Would you ?"

"Maybe later. How's Radek doing with that machine ?"

"He hasn't got anywhere yet," Elizabeth answered.

"Why am I not surprised..."

"Give him time, Rodney," Elizabeth said. "Rome wasn't built in a day, you know."

"He's not building Rome."

"Did you keep your appointment with Doctor Heightmeyer ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Why do I need a shrink ?"

"Oh I don't know. So you don't throw yourself off the tower ?"

"I'll make sure that he gets there," John said.

"Gee, thanks."

"Perhaps now you'll have time to dictate your employee evaluations," Elizabeth suggested.

"Sure you won't help me to the tower ?"

"Yes, Rodney," John said. "I'm sure."

"This is ridiculous," Rodney was complaining as John helped him to Doctor Heightmeyer's office. "Couldn't she come to me? Or don't psychiatrists make house calls ?"

"She probably would," John said. "But you're supposed to be learning to cope."

"I don't want to cope."

oOo

Later John got a call from Elizabeth. "Can you go to Rodney's quarters. There's reports of sounds of things getting broken."

"OK," John said running towards Rodney's room.

He opened the door just as a coffee cup smashed against the wall inches from his face.

"Rodney !" he said loudly.

Rodney stopped in mid throw. "John ?" he said.

John walked in and closed the door behind him. "What's with the china hailstorm ?" he said. "You almost hit me."

Rodney felt for his chair and sat down dejectedly. "It's just so frustrating," he said. "Doctor Heightmeyer suggested that I practice getting around in my quarters. "Familiar territory" she called it. But I guess I don't spend that much time here because I haven't been able to get across the room yet without falling or breaking something." He buried his head in his hands. "Made me want to throw something and since I was breaking so much stuff anyway I figured why not ?"

"Did it help any ?"

"Not really."

"Well can I help ?"

"Not unless you want to be my personal guide dog. It's not as easy as it seems. Turn off the lights and see."

"Actually Doctor Heightmeyer suggested that I try it just so that I can get a feel for what you're going through." John reached over and turned out the light.

"Whoa," Rodney said standing up.

"What ?" John said putting the light back on. "What happened ? Are you OK ?"

Rodney flinched as John put the light back on. "Turn the light out again," he said.

"Why ?"

"Just humor me, OK ?"

John turned the light out.

"Oh my God," Rodney said. "I can see."

"What ?"

"No. Leave the light off. When the light's out I can see. Everything's bathed in an orange glow but I can see." He looked around. "When you turn the light back on I'm blind."

"So you're telling me that you can see in the dark ?" John said.

Rodney opened his laptop and John could make him out by the light from the screen. "So that's what that machine's designed to do," he said tapping on his computer with the screen angled down slightly so that the light was out of his eyes.John carefully sat down and watched as Rodney worked.

"OK," Rodney said after a few minutes. "I've found it. Now that I know what I'm looking for. The idea was originally to alter only one eye."

"So you could see in the light with one eye and in the dark with the other ?"

"Right. Trouble was I got hit in both eyes by the beam."

"Is it reversible ?"

"Looks like it . Uh oh."

"What ?"

"It looks like it pulls a lot of power to do it. It will seriously deplete the zed p m. Unless..." He clicked his fingers.

John waited. Rodney would tell him his idea soon enough.

"If we unhook the naquadah generator from level four I could possibly make it work. That's the only generator that we can afford to lose and even then the transporters on that side of the city would be disabled until the Daedalus can bring a replacement. Six weeks at least."

"Well it's either that or we douse half the lights so that you can work."

"Oh don't even go there. I'm sick of this."

"Is that why they stopped using it ? The power drain ?"

"The ancients didn't have the zed p m shortage that we have. They stopped it because ...oh."

"Because ?"

"Because staying like this causes fatal brain aneurysms."

oOo

Carson confirmed it. "Each time you're in the dark using the ...ability if you will, it puts an additional strain on the blood vessels in your brain anterior to your optic nerve," he said.

"So if I have the lights out so that I can see..." Rodney said sitting sideways on a bed in the Infirmary.

"You risk a fatal stroke."

"What about if he stays in the light ?" John asked.

"There's still a risk just not as bad."

"Wonderful," Rodney said sarcastically.

"Well Radek's working on altering the machine," John said.

"He'll need help with the interface," Rodney said. "Making our technology work with the ancients is my specialty not his."

"You'll have to talk him through it and limit how often you turn the lights out," Carson said. "That blood vessel could burst without warning."

"OK," Rodney said reaching out with his right hand. "You better lead me down there."

"And try not to get too aggravated," Carson added as they left. "It won't help matters if you put your blood pressure up."

oOo

It took two days of arguing with John acting as referee before Rodney and Radek had the naquadah generator interfaced with the ancient machine.

Rodney had a pounding headache, which wasn't helping his mood and so did John who also discovered an increase in his Czech vocabulary. None of which could be used in polite company.

Rodney stood before the machine. "OK," he said. "Here goes."

He pushed the button and the machine started to pulse. Suddenly he was hit by a beam of blue light. He passed out just as before but this time John was ready to catch him.

"Finally," Radek said. "Peace and quiet."

oOo

Rodney lay quietly in the bed afraid to open his eyes in case it hadn't worked. He sighed. Sooner or later he'd have to find out. He opened his eyes. It was dark but not the pitch blackness of blindness, this was a subdued light.

He winced as Carson put the light on over his bed. "How are ya ?" Carson said softly. "Can you see ?"

Rodney blinked in the light and nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I can see just fine." He sat up and Carson shoved a pillow behind him. Reaching for a kleenex he wiped his eyes. "God what a relief. You don't know how scared I was."

"I can imagine," Carson said. "I don't know how I'd feel if I couldn't do my work."

"It's not just that. It's the feeling of helplessness."

"Well I'll let you rest."

"Carson ?"

"Aye ?"

"Got time to talk ?"

"Sure. I'll get us some coffee."

Rodney leaned back against the pillow. As soon as I get out of here, he thought. I'm gonna paste a big sign on that machine. And disconnect it from the power even if I have to take an axe to it. Which wasn't a bad idea...

oOo

There we go. Can't resist a challenge.

Review please :)

debbie


	28. The Amazon Queen

**Disclaimer:** The usual etc

This idea started with one line: "I have never before seen a male with eyes the color of the sky..."

enjoy...

**The Amazon Queen**

The four team members strolled casually up to the village. John followed by Rodney then Teyla and lastly Ronon.

The village was spread out with huts scattered seemingly at random. Cloth moved in the doorways as people looked out at the strangers.

A large hut in the center seemed to belong to the chief, judging from its appearance and John walked slowly towards it.

Ronon said what the others were thinking. "Where are all the men ?" he asked.

Women stood everywhere that they looked. Some were in simple tunics and others wore leather armor. They were all watching them with intense interest.

"Perhaps they are out hunting," Teyla said.

"I feel...exposed," Rodney said looking around as they walked.

John nodded. He felt uncomfortable too.

A tall, bronze skinned, woman stepped out of the main hut. She wore a silver breastplate over a dark green tunic. Her hair flowed down past her shoulders. A silver helmet covered most of her head.

Two other women stood behind her. They wore plain leather armor and matching helmets.

"Wow," Rodney said softly. "I think I'm gonna like it here."

John slapped him lightly on the arm and stepped forward smiling. "Hi," he said. "I'm Colonel John..."

The woman strode swiftly past him and stopped in front of Teyla. "I am AmLee leader of the Merari," she said.

John tried again. "We're from Atlantis," he said extending his hand.

She turned slowly and stared at John. The two guards with her drew their swords. One held hers towards John, the other towards Ronon.

"Whoa," John said holding his hands up. Rodney also raised his hands slightly. Ronon stood still watching John for his cue.

AmLee looked back at Teyla. "You allow your males to speak for you ?" she asked.

Rodney opened his mouth to speak but caught John's look and stayed silent.

"They er are not my males," Teyla said.

"Really. Your slaves then," AmLee turned towards the three men. She stopped in front of Rodney. "We may well be able to trade. I have never before seen a male with eyes the color of the sky. He would bring a good price despite his age."

"Wait a minute..." Rodney said.

AmLee pulled a knife from her belt and held it, point up, just under Rodney's chin, pressed against his skin and tipping his head back slightly. Rodney swallowed and was quiet.

"Of course," she said slowly. "Their lack of training would decrease the price."

"They are not for sale," Teyla said.

"We shall see," she said putting her knife away. "And you are..."

"Teyla. Teyla Emmagan of the Athosians. And they are..."

AmLee waved her hand. "Names are unimportant for the males, useful for commanding only," she said. "Come," she said. "The males may wait back in the compound."

The two guards took them to an area behind the hut that was fenced in on three sides.

John, Rodney and Ronon moved to the back and stood away from the two guards.

"That was creepy," Rodney said. "I feel like an animal."

"Seems like men are property here," John said. "Much like women were long ago."

"They're Amazons," Ronon said smiling. "I've heard of them. Never met any before though."

"Looks like Teyla will be doing the trading here," John said.

"As long as she's not trading us," Rodney added.

oOo

It was over two hours before Teyla reappeared, walking with their leader and smiling broadly.

Rodney had moved from the edge of the compound and was sitting on his pack in the middle since the women had kept coming up and pinching him through the gaps in the tall picket fence. Bad enough, as he had put it, to be on display without being part of the petting zoo.

John and Ronon were standing next to him looking around. "You would think," John said. "That they'd never seen men before."

"Perhaps they haven't," Ronon said gesturing towards one of the far huts where a man was carrying water into the building. Although younger, he looked a lot like Radek. The few others that they'd seen were all similar in build. They walked quickly, as if not wanting to be noticed, and with their heads down.

Rodney got up as Teyla approached and stood with the others, his arms folded. He was clearly irritated. "It's about time," he said.

"Rodney !" John hissed quietly.

"Well we've been stuck out here. It's getting hot and there's been no sign of lunch."

"You've had two power bars, McKay," Ronon said.

"That's not the point..." Rodney said stepping forward.

When he tried to think it through Rodney still wasn't sure exactly what happened. It all happened so quickly.

All he knew was that he was suddenly flung face down on the ground, his P90 sticking into his ribs as it was wedged beneath him. The guard had her foot firmly on the back of his neck and her sword at his throat.

John held his hands in the air as another guard drew her sword and Ronon tensed as a third stood by him. They all froze in place.

"Such impertinence," AmLee said. "Why do you tolerate it ?"

"It is their way," Teyla said. "I will deal with them... later." She stared at John.

AmLee nodded and the guard who was pinning Rodney stepped back and released him.

Rodney got to his feet wiping the dirt from his face and eyes. He looked at John who motioned for him to be quiet.

"We are going to finalize the trade agreement," Teyla said.

"Your males may eat with the others," AmLee said turning away.

Teyla smiled and then followed her. The guard gestured to a large hut to their right and they walked towards it.

"Your males may eat with the others."

"Quiet, Rodney," John whispered. "Let's just keep cool."

"Yeah, McKay," Ronon said grinning.

"Oh and thanks for coming to my rescue back there by the way," Rodney said as they entered the hut.

"You weren't in any danger," Ronon said.

The guards stayed outside. Inside there was a long wooden rough cut table with benches either side. Several men sat at the table and others were standing. They moved away as John, Rodney and Ronon entered. There was dry bread and a couple of bowls of fruit in the center of the table.

"Still hungry ?" John asked.

Rodney glanced at him and then back at the scene before them. "I'm not taking their food," he said. Reaching into his pack he took out the remaining power bars and tossed them onto the table.

"No wonder they're so scrawny," Ronon said as the men grabbed the food.

"This is criminal," Rodney said. "I bet this isn't how the women eat."

"It's their culture," John said. "We're not in a position to change it and we don't have to agree with it."

They were soon moved to small individual huts. Each one consisted of a very small room and a single cot with a thin, straw stuffed, mattress.

Later that evening John and Ronon were taken to a much larger hut where they were left with Teyla who was sitting in a large chair with her head in her hands.

"Well this is more like it," John said looking around. "How did the trade go ? And where's Rodney ?" he added.

Teyla looked up at him. Her eyes were bleary and red and she looked hung over. "I am not sure," she said softly. "But I think that I may have sold him."

"Teyla !" John said.

"So how much did ya get ?"

"Ronon !"

"Just askin'."

"Well that's just great," John said. "Now what do we do ?"

oOo

Rodney was asleep, sprawled on his back on the small cot, his gun and tac vest on the floor next to him.

He woke up when one of the guards poked him in the side with the point of her spear. "What ?" he said.

"Come with us," the guard ordered as another guard snapped a pair of manacles on his wrists and pulled him to his feet. "The Mistress wishes to examine her property," she added as the second guard buckled a leather collar with a silver crest loosely around his neck.

"Property ? What are you talking about ?"

The guard backhanded Rodney across the face. His head spun and he could taste blood as she spoke. "Silence !" she said.

The other guard spoke from behind him. "I would love to teach you manners," she said, her knife drawn and ready.

Rodney decided that this was not the time to argue and meekly followed as the first guard led him out with a chain attached to the manacles.

He was taken to the main hut where AmLee was waiting. The guards jerked him forward so that he fell at her feet. A sword resting lightly on his shoulder ensured that he stayed there.

Rodney looked up at AmLee as she spoke.

"You now belong to me," she said.

"There must be some mistake. Teyla...Ah !" He was silenced by a swift blow to his side with the blunt end of a spear.

"You will address me as Mistress and you will speak only when you are spoken to," she said. "Do you understand ?"

Another sudden jab with the spear. "Yes...Mistress," Rodney said quietly.

"You may, however, look up at me," she added as Rodney stared wide-eyed. "Show me your eyes."

A guard stepped through the curtain and bowed slightly. "The female Teyla is requesting an audience, my Liege," she said.

AmLee stepped forward. "Keep him quiet," she said to her guards. "I will meet with her outside."

The first guard put her foot on the chain and pinned Rodney's hands down. The second stepped across Rodney's back and placed her hand across his mouth as she crouched down over him. "Make one sound," she said quietly holding a thin bladed knife in front of his face. "And it will be your last."

oOo

Teyla stood outside trying to look calm while John and Ronon stood behind her. AmLee stepped out of the hut and stopped on the step so that she looked down at her. If she was surprised at seeing John and Ronon she didn't show it.

"You wished to see me," AmLee said formally.

Teyla bowed slightly and so did John and Ronon. "Your Majesty," she said. "I fear that I have made a grave error in judgement."

"How so ?"

"When I told you that the males were not for sale I neglected to mention that they do not belong to me but to my Queen... Elizabeth. I fear that she will be most displeased if I return without one of her personal entourage."

"Why do you not have female guards ?"

"Many of the primitive cultures that we have to deal with have males in charge. They are trained to appear as if they lead." Teyla said smiling. "However I am under a pledge to return them to her."

"I see. However our laws regarding trade are very strict. It is not easy to rescind once pledged upon."

"But it is possible ?"

"Only by a personal blood challenge."

"What does that entail, your Majesty ?"

AmLee looked across at one of her personal guards and then back at Teyla. "If you wish to revoke an agreement over a slave then you must issue a personal challenge to battle. Either the challenged or their personal advocate must answer the challenge. The first to draw blood will be victorious. No male may participate," she said looking at Ronon.

"I must issue a challenge then."

"Very well. This is most unusual. In one cycle, then. At the main arena." AmLee turned and walked back into her hut followed by her guards leaving them standing outside.

"Are you sure ?" John said.

"It appears that I have no choice in the matter," Teyla said.

"We have our weapons," Ronon said.

"It would be a bloodbath," Teyla said. "They would not surrender."

"And they would probably kill Rodney before we could get to him," John added.

"I must prepare," Teyla said.

oOo

One hour later they were led to the main arena. John and Ronon were ushered to a section on the far side furthest away from AmLee along with the other men.

AmLee sat on a throne high above the main area. Rodney, his hands still in the manacles, was chained to an iron ring at her feet, He sat on the step watching Teyla and looking worried.

Clad in leather armor that covered her chest, a short leather skirt and leather wristbands, Teyla stood calmly facing AmLee, a sword held firmly in her right hand.

Women filled the arena seats. Their attention was drawn as much towards John and Ronon where they stood with the men as it was to the main event.

AmLee stood and the people fell silent. "A challenge has been issued," she announced. "For possession of this male." She pushed Rodney with her foot and he fell sideways off the step, sprawling at her feet. One of the guards positioned her spear so that it's point was resting against Rodney's side. Her meaning was clear and he stayed still.

"The challenger, Teyla Emmagan."

A small ripple of polite applause greeted the announcement.

"Since I am the one who has been challenged and by law as your regent I cannot respond..."

"How convenient," Ronon said.

"My personal guard will stand in my place. Danika..."

The women applauded loudly as the tall, dark skinned, personal guard entered the arena. She was dressed in armor similar to Teyla's except that hers had more embellishment and she carried a small circular shield as well as a sword.

"You may begin," AmLee said sitting down.

With a short bow towards AmLee Teyla and Danika faced each other and started to circle.

"She's tall," Ronon said. "She'll be able to reach further."

"Yes but Teyla's fast," John said.

"What if she loses ?"

"I don't want to think about it."

oOo

Danika struck first moving forward but Teyla was quicker and the sword passed harmlessly past her. Her own blow was deflected by the shield and they backed away from each other.

This continued for several minutes with neither one gaining any advantage.

"She's good," Ronon said.

"You don't get to be the Queen's personal guard if you're not," John answered.

A rapid series of parries and blows ended with one of Teyla's wristbands dropping to the floor as it was sliced from her wrist.

Danika stood back as if victorious.

Teyla held up her left hand. "I am uninjured," she declared.

"Continue," the adjudicator said as she examined Teyla's wrist and then moved back.

More blows, near misses and parries continued and Danika had Teyla on the retreat. Teyla fell in front of her and Danika moved in.

Teyla blocked Danika's blow with her sword and, pulling a knife from her boot she made a sudden movement with her left hand.

Danika screamed in frustration and stepped back as a red streak appeared across her arm.

"First blood," the adjudicator announced.

"She had a hidden blade," Danika said.

"As did you," the adjudicator said pulling a small blade from Danika's wristband. "All that you can carry is legal. The result stands. Teyla is the victor and may claim her prize."

AmLee stood in silence and walked away with her guards following her and leaving Rodney chained to the steps.

The audience also filed out and soon they were left alone. John, Teyla and Ronon walked up to Rodney.

"Would you please get me out of these ?" Rodney said.

"Oh I don't know. That collar looks quite good on you," John said. "Besides it's up to Teyla. She won you."

"Funny. Ronon ?"

Ronon pulled his gun out and used it to destroy the chains. He snapped the manacles off and cut the collar and handed it to Rodney as he got up. "Souvenir ?" he asked.

"No thank you," Rodney said. "Can we go home now ?"

oOo

They sat in the mess hall drinking coffee. Ronon had been recreating the whole fight in graphic detail for anyone who wanted to listen and some who didn't. Rodney was unusually quiet.

"What's the matter ?" John asked.

Rodney looked up at him. "That was such an uneven society," he said. "The women didn't rule any fairer than men do."

"Did you expect them to ?"

"I suppose not. Look an Amazon society full of strong women is a major fantasy. Somehow the reality of it wasn't the same."

"Oh I don't know," John said. "You came close."

"What do you mean ?"

"Well surely you know that the Queen wanted blue eyed babies ?"

Rodney coughed and spluttered as he choked on his coffee while the others laughed.

oOo

(I had to figure that everybody would pick up on that EXCEPT Rodney !!) ;)

Hope you enjoyed it (not too heavy on the whumping but I hope entertaining nonetheless)

as always I love reviews

debbie


	29. Hell On Wheels

**Disclaimer:** yada yada yada

This one is thanks to an idea from samandjackforever. Thanks Dani

(ps:highonstargate I haven't forgotten yours the muse just hasn't hit yet-doesn't pay to rush it that's when we end up with wolf dna ;) ...)

**Hell On Wheels.**

"OK Ronon," John said holding the football and facing the tall Satedan from across the room. "Now you've seen "The Longest Yard" right ? So you get the general idea..."

"Oh yeah," Ronon said as he crouched and charged directly at him.

"Crap !" John said moving to the side at the last moment.

Ronon's momentum carried him past John just as Rodney walked through the door. Rodney was looking at his data padd and concentrating on the data that he was entering so he was totally unprepared as Ronon cannoned into him.

Ronon hit him with such force that they were carried across the hallway and into the railing opposite. Rodney cried out in pain as the metal bar caught him across the middle of his back and Ronon's shoulder dug into his ribs at the front. Ronon stepped back, alarmed, as Rodney collapsed gasping and coughing up blood.

"Carson," John yelled into his radio. "We have a medical emergency at the main rec room on level four."

When Carson arrived John was kneeling next to Rodney, his hand resting on his shoulder, while Ronon was leaning against the wall with his hands on his thighs watching. John moved over as Carson knelt next to him. "What happened ?" Carson asked.

"We were playing football," John said indicating Ronon. "Rodney came in as I dodged a tackle and er he got hit..."

"OK Rodney," Carson said gesturing to the rest of his medical team who had the gurney. "Let's get you to the Infirmary."

"Carson," Rodney gasped reaching up with his right hand and grabbing the Doctor by the lapels of his white lab coat. "Carson !"

"Hold still, Rodney. We'll..."

"I can't feel my legs," Rodney panted. "I can't feel anything... below my chest..."

Carson looked worried. "Get that backboard over here, stat !" he snapped at his medical team.

oOo

It was several hours later before Carson came out to see them. "Well I have him sedated," he said tossing his gloves away. "But it's serious, I'm afraid. I'll have to study the MRI scans to be sure but there seems to be some damage to his spine."

"What are you saying ?" Elizabeth asked.

"He's paralyzed from the waist down."

Ronon put his head in his hands. John looked down at his feet.

"Is it reversible ?" Teyla asked.

"I won't know for certain until I've studied the MRI results. But the prognosis isn't good. These types of injuries..."

Ronon walked out. John started to go after him. Elizabeth grabbed his arm. "Conference room. Thirty minutes," she said letting him go.

John nodded and went after Ronon.

"You too," she said to Carson and she and Teyla also left.

Thirty five minutes later John walked into the conference room followed by Ronon. Elizabeth, Teyla and Carson were already seated and watched quietly as they both sat down.

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth said. "The most obvious question is what the hell were you doing ?" she looked at John and Ronon who looked at each other.

John looked down at his hands, folded on the table. "We were playing tackle football," he said somberly. "Rodney was going to find us a better room to practice in," he added.

Teyla pushed Rodney's padd to the center of the table. "He had done so," she said. "He was coming to tell you."

Elizabeth sighed as both John and Ronon sat with their heads down. "Carson," she said. "What's the prognosis ?"

"I need to study the scans more thoroughly," Carson said. "But the good news is that there seems to be very little damage to his spinal cord. There is, however, a great deal of pressure on the nerves both from the vertebrae damage and from the edema and contusions from the injury."

"Will he walk again, Doc ?" Ronon asked looking up and very upset.

"I don't know. The only way to relieve the pressure would be surgically. But that carries a big risk and I'm not a neurosurgeon. It would be up to Rodney."

"And if you don't operate ?"

"He would probably stay paralyzed."

"What are the risks ?"

"Death, certainly. More damage to the spinal cord. This kind of surgery is very delicate."

"What if we bring a neurosurgeon from Earth ? No offence.." John asked.

"None taken but the Daedalus is half way there. We're talking five weeks for them to either come back and get Rodney, which would be riskier, or for them to get a Doctor here," Carson said. "The problem is that calcification in that area will make the surgery less viable. It has to be done next week or not at all."

"Can you do the surgery, Carson ?" Teyla asked.

"I don't know. Rodney will be awake soon. I'm gonna have to talk it over with him."

"OK," Elizabeth said. "Keep me posted."

Carson nodded and left.

"Well he's gonna want the surgery," Ronon said. "That's obvious."

"Not necessarily," Teyla said. "Remember he's a scientist. He can still work without walking."

"Yeah, but..." John said.

"Remember," Elizabeth said. "He'll have to make the decision based on what's right for him. Not what makes your conscience feel better."

"Nothing's gonna help that at this point," John said.

oOo

Later that evening Carson stood by Rodney's bed. "How are ya feelin' ?" he asked as he checked the monitors.

"Not much," Rodney replied. "You're looking serious. What's the verdict ?"

"Your condition is stable."

"That just means unchanged. Cut to the chase, Carson. Will I be able to walk again ?"

Carson looked down momentarily and then back up at him. "Not without surgery."

"OK. So set it up."

"It's not that simple. There's bone fragments pressing against your spinal cord. It's a delicate surgery and I'm not a neurosurgeon. There's a risk I could kill you."

"I trust you."

"Rodney, I'm not sure that I trust me. But you have to know," he said. "That the surgery will have to be done next week or calcification at the wound site will make recovery improbable."

"So you're not a neurosurgeon and there's not time to get one ?"

"Aye."

"Carson," Rodney said. "You're my friend. Give it to me straight. Can you do the operation ?"

"I've studied the MRI's. I think so. The question is do you want to take the risk ?"

"In theory I could still work but," Rodney paused for a moment. "I don't want to give up going offworld with the team. I'd rather take the chance."

Carson nodded. "I understand," he said. "Well we have to wait a few days for the swelling to subside. Would ya like to get out of that bed for a while ?"

"Can I ?"

"We'll wait until the morning but we can put you in a backbrace and we have a wheelchair you can use."

"Sure," Rodney said grinning.

oOo

The next morning Carson strapped Rodney into a backbrace and then he and a nurse helped him into a wheelchair and covered his legs with a blanket.

Rodney wheeled himself out into the main Infirmary where John was waiting leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "Need a hand ?" he asked smiling.

"Well if you're offering..."

"Now be careful," Carson said. "You're strapped up but ya still injured..."

"I'll treat him like my mother," John said pushing him out.

"That's an analogy that I could live without," Rodney said.

"Yeah well you know what I mean."

Thirty minutes later they were facing their third flight of stairs.

"I didn't realize how many stairs there are here," John said. "We can't get anywhere."

"Get me a data padd," Rodney said. "If we can get to a transporter maybe we can get around."

John returned a few minutes later with a padd and gave it to Rodney who started to tap on the screen. "Well this is ridiculous," he said after a few minutes.

"What is ?" John said looking over his shoulder.

"You can't even get to a transporter without navigating stairs. They're everywhere."

"I guess the ancients weren't into the ADA."

"Hum. Meanwhile I guess I can go look out over the balcony."

"I can get Ronon. We can get you to your quarters," John said as they sat looking out over the water.

"Oh no no no no no. I don't want to be stuck in my room until next week."

"We'll just have to work something out."

oOo

"This is the third time this morning," Ronon said. "That I've carried you and that chair up the steps to the mess hall."

"I can't help it," Rodney said taking a bite out of a sandwich. "The surgery's tomorrow. When I get nervous, I eat."

John came over to the table. "Don't worry, Rodney," he said sitting down. "Carson will fix everything."

"Yeah," Rodney said looking down.

"Hey come on," John said. "Everything's gonna be OK."

"I... hope so," Rodney said.

"I thought you were sure, McKay," Ronon said.

Rodney looked up, clearly upset. "It's not like I really have a choice, is it ?" he asked. "It's become pitifully obvious these last few days that getting around here without walking is virtually impossible..."

"We've managed it," John said.

"Yes and it's been a gigantic pain in the ass hasn't it ? Don't deny it you know it's true. So unless I want to go back to earth..." He rested his elbows on the table and put his head in his hands. "Oh God I don't want to stay this way," he said.

"Rodney..." John reached forward and put his hand on Rodney's arm.

Rodney looked up, sniffed and wiped his nose. "Don't you dare tell Carson," he said. "Or Doctor Heightmeyer. I don't need psychoanalyzing. I just need this to be over and done with."

"When does Carson need you to be in the Infirmary ?" John asked.

"Not until six tonight. Surgery's first thing tomorrow."

"Well I guess until then we're yours to command," John said smiling. "What would be your wish, my lord ?"

"Please," Ronon snorted. John shot him a look but said nothing.

"Well," Rodney said thoughtfully. "Actually. I'd just as soon sit in the control room."

"The control room it is, then."

oOo

The next day John, Ronon and Teyla were sitting in the Infirmary waiting room when Elizabeth came in. "Any news ?" she asked.

John shook his head. "No," he said. "And it's been over six hours."

Elizabeth sat down. "Hopefully he'll be out soon," she said.

It was just over an hour before Carson came out.

"How is he ?" Elizabeth asked. "How'd it go ?"

"It's too early to be certain," Carson said. "The surgery went well but I won't know if the pressure on the nerves has been completely relieved until he wakes up. Until I find out if he has any feeling in his extremities. Be a couple of hours yet, at least."

"We'll wait," John said.

It was over three hours later before Carson came back out. John and the others stood up.

"He's awake," he said. "And the operation was a success, he can move his feet."

"Thank God," Elizabeth said softly.

oOo

A few days later Rodney was getting ready to leave the Infirmary.

"Now," Carson was saying. "You're gonna have to use the crutches for a wee while."

"Anything but that damn chair."

"I'll second that," John said from where he was standing by the wall.

"When will I be able to go back to duty ?" Rodney asked.

"Well you can go back on restricted duty in a couple of days but it depends how you do with your therapy how long 'til I release you to active status."

"I can handle that."

"Aye. Well I've loaded the particulars of the exercises that you need to do onto your data padd. Three times a day without fail. I've also got ya some help."

"Really ?" Rodney said looking across at the nurses.

Just then Ronon walked in. "I'll be by this afternoon, McKay," he said grinning from ear to ear.

oOo

There we go. Hope you enjoyed it.  
reviews ;)  
debbie

ps:ADA...Americans with Disabilities Act


	30. Arachnids

**Disclaimer:**yada yada

I think this one may wig John out more than Rodney...Let's see what you think.

**Arachnids.**

Rodney sniffed somberly and wiped his nose, stifling another sneeze. "You would think," he sniffed again. "That in another galaxy I wouldn't have to deal with the same allergies."

"Quiet," Ronon said.

"All right for you to say..."

"I think I hear somethin'."

"Human ? Animal ?"

John nudged him. Rodney started to speak but then thought better of it.

"Small, like insects. And lots of 'em."

John looked around. "Oh crap," he said. "I hate bugs. Where ?"

"Behind us. Between us and the jumper."

Rodney moved so that Ronon and John were between him and the noise which was getting louder. They could all hear it now. The sound of thousands of insect's feet...

Then they saw them coming. Spiders. Hundreds of them. Scurrying along the path straight towards them. They were about the size of Ronon's hand and they were clicking their mandibles as they ran.

"Move !" John yelled as he started to fire at the spiders, killing several and scattering many more.

They ran along the path, shooting as they went. But no matter how many they killed more scurried forward to take their place. About a hundred yards along they rounded a curve and came face to face with a large building directly across the path and blocking the way.

Rodney stopped in front of the door and waved his hand in front of the sensor. He pulled the cover off it when there was no response and checked inside.

"Rodney.." John said as they stood still shooting at the approaching spiders.

"Working on it," Rodney said pulling his padd from it's case on his back. "There's no power." He pulled the connecting lead out of his padd and plugged it into the sensor. He tapped on the padd and the door slid silently open. Rodney unplugged the lead and darted inside as the others followed him. He repeated the procedure with the other sensor and the door slid closed.

John and Teyla turned on the lights on their P90s. Rodney took a small flashlight out of his vest pocket and turned it on.

They were standing in a hallway. "OK," Rodney said walking up the hall. "Let's see if we can find a control room and get some power on around here."

After finding several sparsely furnished rooms they came to an open room with a large console in the middle. "Aha !" Rodney said walking in. "This is more like it." He shone his flashlight across the console searching for the switch.

"Do we know if the er bugs can get in here ?" John said looking around.

"No idea," Rodney replied. "Ah !" He punched a button and lights started to come on.

"Why didn't the lights come on when we entered ?" Teyla asked.

"Yeah it's obviously ancient," John said.

"The zed p m was completely shut down," Rodney said. "Not in standby mode. This is interesting..." he said pulling up a display on the overhead.

"What ?" Ronon said.

"Those spiders are poisonous."

"Poisonous as in Spiderman ?" John asked.

"That was radioactive," Rodney said. "This is hurts like hell may kill you poisonous." He pressed another switch. "Well at least with the power on we can put the shield up. Make sure that we keep the bugs out. OK I got a schematic of the building here. Looks like we've got at least four floors. Two below us and one above. Oh !"

"What ?" John asked.

"The zed p m is almost completely charged," Rodney said looking at him. "Do you realize what we could do with a fully charged zed p m ?"

"But if we pull the zee p m then that will kill the power to the building," John said.

"Hum. Yes."

"And let the bugs in."

"Not necessarily. If they've got any intelligence at all then they might er remember the sting of the shield and stay away from the ventilation ducts."

John didn't look convinced.

"We can't possibly leave it behind," Rodney said firmly.

"I wasn't gonna suggest that. Just that we could come back for it."

"We're going to have to pass through the bugs anyway. We might as well take the zed p m with us."

"Well maybe we could call Atlantis and have them send another jumper to er torch the bugs."

"I'm surprised at you, Colonel," Rodney said with his arms crossed. "For one thing this building is RF shielded so we can't radio out and for another incinerating that large an area would be an ecological nightmare. Those things aren't the only creatures living there you know."

"This from the one who blows up planets."

"Will you cut that out. I didn't do it deliberately."

"Oh that makes all the difference."

"Fine. But we still need the zed p m."

"Where is it ?" Ronon asked.

Rodney turned and pulled up a map of the building on the overhead display. "There," he said pointing at it. "In the basement. Look I can use my padd here to open the doors on the way back. I've downloaded the map. It's a pretty direct route."

"That isn't the bit I'm worried about."

"It's just a few bugs," Ronon said.

"Yeah," John said. "Just a few hundred."

oOo

They made their way down to the lower level. Now that the power was on each door opened with a wave of John's hand. That is until they got to the door to the room that contained the zpm. John waved his hand in front of the sensor. Nothing happened. "Rodney," he said.

Rodney stepped forward checking his padd. He grabbed the cover and pulled sharply. Sparks flew from the control and Rodney jerked back and fell to the floor.

"Rodney !" John knelt down next to where Rodney sat looking dazed. "Are you OK ?"

Rodney shook his hand. "Yeah. It's not the first jolt I've had," he said as Ronon lifted him to his feet. "But that's just a door control, it shouldn't have that kind of power." He took a tester from his vest pocket. "Well it's dead now." He removed the middle crystal and plugged his data padd into the slot. He was about to enter a code when he noticed an energy spike. He dropped the padd and turned his back just as more sparks flew from the control and the plug melted. The data padd dropped to the floor, melted into a puddle of plastic.

"What the hell ?" he said turning around and fanning the smoke away. The smell of electric wiring melting filled the air. "That should not have happened !" he said examining the remains of his padd and then dropping it onto the floor. "Not only do door controls not carry that kind of current but it was inert before I plugged the padd in. It's almost as if..."

"What Rodney ?" John asked.

"As if the building were deliberately trying to keep us out of that room."

"That's not possible is it ?" asked Teyla.

"I didn't think so," Rodney said examining the burn on his hand. "Now I'm not so sure. This seems personal."

"Ah you're just reading too much into it," John said. "Is there another way in ? I'm assuming that you have the map memorized."

"You assume correctly and yes there is another door. Of course," Rodney said taking a small pouch of tools from his pocket. "We'll have to go a little lower tech."

"Might be safer," Ronon said.

"Hum," Rodney said looking at the melted plug hanging from the door control. "Well this way," he added walking down the hallway.

Suddenly there was the flash of a transporter beam and Rodney disappeared. John ran forward to the spot where Rodney had been. "Crap !" he said loudly.

oOo

Rodney stood for a moment getting his bearings. He hated it when that happened. Being transported was disconcerting enough when you were expecting it.

He looked around. He was in an empty room but there was a window so Rodney walked over to it and looked out. He was on the upper floor at the corner of the building. From his vantage point he could see a huge web stretching across the trees between the building and the clearing where John had parked the jumper. In ther center of the web, just below the tree line, Rodney could make out the shape of a large spider. It was about the size of a small car. "Momma," Rodney thought. "OK," he said to himself. "Control room I think. Down and to the right."

Being careful to check for electricity he popped the cover of the door sensor off and worked on the lock. He didn't notice the spider that dropped from the overhead air vent and slipped inside the open computer case that was velcro'd to his back.

Downstairs, Ronon was taking a more direct approach. "I've had it with this," he said using his weapon to blast the sensor off the wall. He pushed the door open as John pulled his Life Signs Detector from his pocket.

"OK," John said. "It looks like Rodney's been transported to a room upstairs and he seems to be heading towards the middle of the building.

"The control room," Teyla said.

"We're not having much luck here," John said. "Let's head back upstairs. Maybe Rodney can shut off the security features from there. I don't know how to safely pull a zee p m anyway."

When they got to the control room Rodney was already there. He had pulled up maps of the land mass and was also checking a data feed on a small screen. "I haven't been able to shut the zed p m down from here," he said as they entered through the open door. "But I have been able to modify the sensors to track our little friends out there." He pulled up a display screen that showed a map covered with small dots and one larger dot. Rodney pointed to it. "That's momma," he said.

"There are thousands of them," John said. "We'll never get back through."

"Guess we woke them up," Ronon said.

"Wonderful," John muttered. "Anything you can do from here ?"

"I'm not sure. This building just seems to be one of their many research facilities that they stripped and left when the wraith attacked. So there isn't anything very fancy left only the zed p m and minimal systems...I could conceivably send out a strong electrical pulse..."

"So do it."

"But there'll be an overload. It could blow the facility."

"Do we have a choice ?" Teyla asked. "There are too many for us to pass and if we stay here then Elizabeth will send another team..."

"And they'll run into the spiders. We can't get a warning out," John said. "Rodney you need to do it."

Rodney sighed. "All right," he said. "But when it goes then we won't get much warning and it's gonna blow big."

"How big ?" Ronon asked.

"Big enough that we'd better be airborne." Rodney looked at John who just nodded. "It'll take a couple of minutes to open the outer door..."

"I can do it quicker," Ronon said raising his gun.

"Yes. Yes of course you can," Rodney said. "OK...Get ready to run for it." He started to punch in a series of commands and the console began to hum and then vibrate. The building shook as the pulse was sent out.

"Did it work ?" John asked.

"We have no time to check," Rodney said. "It's gonna blow..."

Ronon blasted the lock on the outer door and opened it. Stunned spiders littered the ground and they crunched underfoot as they ran back to the clearing. John leapt into the pilots seat and Rodney sat next to him. Ronon and Teyla strapped themselves in as John took off.

The blast wave from the building explosion rocked the jumper and John fought for control as they headed towards the gate.

Rodney looked back at the plume of smoke rising into the sky. "There goes the zed p m," he sighed.

"Oh well," John said. "I'm sure they'll be other chances," he added as Rodney dialled the gate. "Let's go home."

As they left the jumper bay Rodney turned towards his lab.

"It's kinda late," John said.

"I know," Rodney replied. "But no one will be there right now and I want to set up another data padd for my case. Just so it's ready. It won't take long. I'll meet you in the mess hall in about an hour."

oOo

John checked his watch. Ronon, slouched in the chair opposite him, picked at the fruit on the plate in front of him. Teyla had already gone to bed.

"Maybe he changed his mind," Ronon said.

"About eating ?" John said. He tapped his radio. "Rodney ?" he said. "McKay !"

"Probably asleep."

"I'm gonna check," John said getting up. Ronon followed him.

"I tell ya he's just got busy with somethin'," Ronon said as they walked up the hallway.

"He would've answered his radio," John said opening the door to Rodney's lab. "Rodney ?"

Rodney was sitting at his computer table with his head down on the keyboard and facing away from the door.

"See. I told you he was asleep," Ronon said.

"Rodney !" John said shaking him by his shoulder. "Rodney ?"

Rodney fell sideways from his chair and only Ronon's lightning fast reactions stopped him from hitting the floor.

John hit the button on his radio. "Carson ? We have a problem."

oOo

Carson came out of the back of the Infirmary to where John and Ronon were waiting.

"I've got him on life support..."

"Life support ?" John asked. "I don't get it. He was fine a couple of hours ago."

"Well there were two puncture wounds on his neck right here," Carson said pointing to his throat.

John looked at Ronon as Carson continued.

"He seems to have been injected with some kind of toxin."

"Like a spider bite ?" Ronon asked.

"If it is it's a bloody big one."

"There were large spiders on the planet that we just left," John said. "Looks like we may have brought one back with us."

"Well I need a specimen as soon as possible so that I can synthesize an antidote."

"Right."

"And I mean as soon as ya can. It's a potent venom. We're talkin' hours here."

John and Ronon headed back to Rodney's lab. "What makes you think it's still there ?" Ronon asked.

"I don't know that it is but it's the only place we've got to start."

"Colonel Sheppard," Elizabeth said over the radio.

"Yes. Go ahead,"

"Carson tells me that we have a large poisonous spider loose in the city and that Rodney's been bitten already."

"Ronon and I are looking for it now."

"Alright. I'm going to send Major Lorne and his team back to P47D39 to see if they can capture one for Carson just in case it takes you a while. And I'm going to broadcast a warning and tell everyone to stay away from it and to contact you if they see it."

"OK. Sheppard out."

"Attention all personnel, military and civilian..."

John mentally tuned out the rest of Elizabeth's announcement as he and Ronon were concentrating on searching for the spider. They both held knives in their right hands and flashlights in their left as they searched Rodney's lab.

After almost an hour of crawling under desks and looking into corners they were still no closer to finding it. "This is stupid," Ronon said. "That thing could be anywhere."

"Hopefully Lorne will bring one back for Carson. But we still need to find it before someone else gets bit."

"Colonel Sheppard."

John tapped his radio. "Yes, Elizabeth," he said.

"Major Lorne just returned from the planet. That explosion of yours incinerated that part of the forest. They couldn't find any intact spiders."

"So much for not torching it," JOhn said flatly.

"Excuse me ?"

"Nothing. OK. We'll find that spider. Sheppard out."

"Let me guess," Ronon said. "No spiders on the planet ?"

John shook his head. "OK," he said. "Now Rodney managed to detect them on the LSD..."

"So is it showing up on yours ?"

John checked it. "Nope. But maybe..." He tapped his radio. "Doctor Zalenka can you meet me in the main physics lab please..."

oOo

Radek looked at him wide-eyed. "You want me to what ?" he asked.

"Rodney had adapted the Life Signs Detector in the building on P47D39 to detect the spiders. Can you modify ours ?"

"It won't register anything as small as an insect."

"These are pretty big spiders."

"How big ?"

John held up his hands to show about the size of a plate.

"Oh," Radek said.

"Rodney didn't seem to have any problems," John said. "Of course if you can't do it..."

"I didn't say that," Radek said sitting down at the computer. "If McKay can do it so can I."

It took several minutes and some words that John wasn't going to ask him to translate but then Radek pulled up a display on the overhead screen. There were dots everywhere.

"We don't need everybody," John said. "We're only looking for one spider."

"Just a moment," Radek said. "Let me filter out the human life signs."

One light remained. "Great," John said. "Can you download that to my portable LSD ?"

"Already done."

"All right. Now we're getting somewhere. Thanks Radek," John said checking his screen and heading up the hallway with Ronon following. They rounded a corner, knives drawn and ready. "I don't understand it," John said. "It's supposed to be right here."

They looked at each other and then up at the ceiling.

"It's in the ventilation ducts," John said. "Crap !"

"I can't fit in there," Ronon said matter of factly.

"No of course you can't," John said pulling a face. "Well it's heading that way," he said pointing forward. "Let's get ahead of it." John tapped his radio. "Radek ? I need you to close off some vents for me."

They moved further down the hallway. "OK," John said checking his LSD. "If I go up through here I should be about five meters in front of it." He tucked the LSD into his pocket. "Give me a hand up."

"Be careful in case it spits," Ronon said as he lifted John to the ceiling where he removed the tile.

"What ?" John asked looking down at him.

"Spits. You know. Like poison...Ready ?"

"I was," John said as Ronon boosted him up into the vent.

John lay down in the vent, his knife in his right hand and his flashlight in his left. "There's no room for me to throw the knife," he said over the radio.

"Guess you'll have to get close, then," Ronon said.

"Great," John muttered crawling forward.

Suddenly he saw it. The spider looked even bigger in the confined space of the air vent. It turned from the barrier that Radek had closed and faced him. The clicking of its jaws echoed in the chamber. It was smooth bodied and thin legged and stood regarding John who was aware that he was the only thing between it and apparent freedom.

The spider charged towards him. John reacted quickly and hit the creature with his flashlight knocking it agaianst the wall and onto its back. John finished it with a swift stab of his blade. The spider twitched and lay still. A pale green substance oozed from the wound.

John reversed back along the ventilation duct bringing the spider still impaled on his knife. "Let's get this to Carson," he said.

oOo

"I don't get it," Rodney said as he lay propped up in a bed in the Infirmary. "Where'd it come from ?"

"Figure it got in your pack somewhere," John said. "Hitched a ride back."

Rodney shuddered. "I'm beginning to appreciate why you hate bugs," he said.

"At least it wasn't latched onto your neck," John said.

"Hum. So Radek managed to modify the sensors ?"

"Yeah. Downloaded it to my LSD."

"I'm impressed but don't tell him that."

"Done your employee evaluations yet ?"

"Have you re-done yours ?"

"Touche."

"I guess that would give me something to put in there."

"Yeah and Radek does stuff without blowing half the planet up..."

Rodney threw a pillow at him.

oOo

reviews ;)

debbie


	31. Mainframed

**Disclaimer:** you know

OK This is from an idea by Highonstargate. I'll have you know that this was a tricky one to write (how do they communicate??) I settled for Rodney's computer screen typewritten messages to be WRITTEN IN UPPERCASE. Hope it isn't too confusing (boy you set a tough challenge!!)

Hope you like it (reviews please as always ;) )

**Mainframed.**

"Rodney?" John called out as he wandered into the seemingly deserted room. He approached a large machine against the far wall. "Rodney ?"

"Yes ? What ? Ow!" Rodney appeared from behind the machine. John walked around to where he could see him. There were pieces of the machine stacked in several piles around on the floor.

"What are you doing ?"

"What does it look like I'm doing ?" Rodney said crawling back underneath the middle of the machine.

"It looks like you're pulling the guts out of that machine."

"Well I...actually that's a remarkably accurate description." Rodney looked back at him. "Did you need something or did you just come to pester me ?"

"Elizabeth wanted to meet with us about P47D39."

"The spiders ?" Rodney said from back under the machine. "Now ?"

"Well she said as soon as possible. Couldn't get you on the radio. Radek pointed me here."

"Hum. This area is RF shielded."

"What does this thing do anyway ?" John said looking over the console.

"It doesn't seem to do anything. It appears to have been damaged when this area of the city was flooded. That's why I'm taking it apart for spare parts."

"So you already tried the buttons then ?" John said punching a large red one in the middle of the display.

"No, I..."

There was a flash of white light and the machine emitted a strong pulse that vibrated through the floor.

"Whoa," John said stepping back. "Rodney ? ...Rodney !"

Rodney lay unmoving underneath the machine.

oOo

Rodney became aware of a strong light. He saw Carson and the Infirmary and someone lying in a bed. But it was from a strange angle. Like he was looking down from the corner of the ceiling. And the person in the bed... "Holy crap !" he thought. "That's me. Am I dead ? I wish I could hear what they're saying.."

As soon as he thought of it he could hear Carson speaking.

"He's completely unresponsive but as far as I can tell he's uninjured."

"Then why won't he wake up ?" John asked.

"I don't know. He's just in a coma for no apparent reason."

"Well I guess I'll go and tell Elizabeth."

"No John," Rodney thought. "I'm here."

As John walked out of the room Rodney wished that he could follow him. Immediately his viewpoint changed to the hallway as John walked away. The view changed as John moved, skipping ahead and then following him.

"Oh my God," Rodney thought as he realized what was happening. "Radek," Rodney thought. "Are you logged in and working ?"

Immediately his viewpoint changed to a corner of the control room where Radek was sitting at his laptop.

Rodney concentrated.

HELP ME appeared on Radek's screen.

Radek sat upright. "What ?" he said.

HELP ME RADEK.

Radek looked around for who was playing the joke on him but no one was paying any attention.

THIS IS MCKAY. LISTEN. I CAN SEE YOU. I CAN HEAR YOU. SOMETHING STRANGE HAS HAPPENED...

oOo

Radek ran into the conference room with his laptop under his arm. Elizabeth, surprised by the interruption, looked up at him. "Doctor Zalenka ?" she said.

"It's Rodney," Radek said opening his laptop. "I know what's happened to him."

"Yes he's in the Infirmary," John said.

"No no no no. He's in my computer."

NOT YOUR COMPUTER IDIOT The message appeared on his screen. THE CITY COMPUTER. I CAN SEND A MESSAGE ON ANY TERMINAL NOT JUST YOURS.

"Excuse me ?" Elizabeth said.

"He can hear us and see us through the CCTV," Radek said.

Elizabeth and John both looked up at the camera. "Holy crap !" John said.

OK NOW WE'VE GOT THE IDEA CAN WE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ?

"Like what, Rodney ?" John said. "How did this happen ?"

WELL LET ME SEE HOW ABOUT THE MACHINE YOU HAD TO HIT A BUTTON ON. WHAT SAY WE START THERE. YOU JUST CANNOT LEAVE THINGS ALONE.

"That's McKay all right," Ronon said.

AND WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN ?

"You were pulling it apart. How was I supposed to know it still worked. You were the one who said it was damaged," John said.

WELL APPARENTLY I WAS WRONG.

"I'm saving that message," Radek said.

HA HA. DELETING AS I GO.

"What do we do, Rodney ?" Elizabeth asked.

OH I DON'T KNOW. WHAT SAY WE PUT THE MACHINE BACK TOGETHER SO THAT WE CAN PUT IT IN REVERSE ?

"Stop shouting," John said.

I AM NOT SHOUTING.

"Yes you are I can tell."

All the lights in the conference room went out.

"Rodney," Elizabeth said.

FINE.

The lights came on again.

"Can you find anything out about the machine ?" Teyla asked.

"Yeah. After all you're in the mainframe," John added.

IT SEEMS TO BE ONE OF THEIR LESS IMPRESSIVE ASCENTION EXPERIMENTS.

"Well you didn't ascend very far," Ronon smirked.

FUNNY. NOW GET ME OUT OF HERE.

"Radek," Elizabeth said. "That seems like your department." The others smiled. "You can help too, John. I'm going to check with Carson and then I'll meet with you later."

Elizabeth left heading for the Infirmary.

YOU'LL NEED A SET OF TOOLS. THE PARTS THAT I REMOVED ARE STILL ON THE FLOOR.

"Even in the computer he still manages to nag," Radek said.

COME ON. YOU DON'T NEED THE LAPTOP THERE IS A TERMINAL IN THE ROOM.

Radek sighed and left and John followed him.

oOo

"It seems that Rodney's consciousness has been transferred to the main city computer," Elizabeth said. "He is essentially stored in the mainframe."

"Well that explains a few things," Carson said scratching his head.

"How is he ...er... I guess his body ?" Elizabeth asked.

"He'll be OK on life support for a few days but this can't continue for an extended period of time. His brain cells will start to deteriorate if he's not put into stasis within a week."

"Why not now ?"

"Well for one thing I'd have to get Rodney to cooperate. The stasis pods won't initialize and I think he's the one that's stopping it."

Elizabeth nodded. "OK," she said. "Keep me posted."

"Aye."

oOo

Meanwhile Radek was working on reassembling the machine. Or at least he was trying to.

"Why didn't you at least put this stuff in some kind of order ?" he asked as he sat on the floor trying to sort out the pieces.

DIDN'T KNOW I'D NEED TO.

"You could've made sure that it was inoperative..."

THERE WAS NO ENERGY SIGNATURE AND NOTHING THAT I COULD FIND IN THE DATABASE TO INDICATE IT'S FUNCTION. WE NEEDED PARTS FOR MACHINES THAT WE ACTUALLY DO USE. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT SHEPPARD

"Don't bring me into this," John said as he slouched on a chair watching. "Why am I here anyway ?"

NO IDEA. SERIOUSLY. Flashed across the screen.

"Well, Radek. I'm gonna leave you to it. If you need me..."

I'LL FIND YOU.

"Hum, yes." John said as he left.

OK SEE IF YOU CAN FIND THE REST OF THE CRYSTALS.

Radek muttered in Czech.

I CAN TRANSLATE THAT YOU KNOW.

"Good."

oOo

John met up with Ronon and Teyla in the mess hall. "It's kinda creepy," John said. "Him being able to see everything and all."

"Well at least he can only be in one place at a time," Ronon said.

"Yeah but he can get there instantly. All he has to do is think or something, scan all the cameras and boom he's on you."

"So he could be watching us now ?" Teyla asked.

"Yeah. Makes you kinda paranoid."

oOo

Rodney was bored. It was now several hours later. Two o'clock in the morning by his internal clock. Apparently he didn't need to sleep in this state. Unfortunately everybody else did. Not having to sleep would be more useful if he could actually do something.

So he was amusing himself by checking out every Closed Circuit TV in the city. And there were cameras everywhere. Not in the sleeping areas or bathrooms, of course, but everywhere else. Of course most of the areas were deserted. Although technically the city ran day and night everything slowed to a minimum staffing during the night. Usually the same people too. Some just preferred to work late. He did himself although it didn't normally happen that way - unless he was pulling an all nighter.

He was flipping from camera view to camera view - he had to admit that this was fun at least for a while - when he noticed something different. He returned to the camera view that had caught his attention. He zoomed in on the transporter controls for the east side of the city. There. Stuck to the side of the buffer...

"Sheppard." As he thought of him his view changed to the living room in John's quarters. The lights were out and there was no sign of him. Rodney turned up his audio. He could hear snoring from the bedroom area. No camera in there though. Rodney wished that he could shout out.

He turned the lights on in the bedroom.

"What the hell ?" John said. "Rodney ! Is that you ?" He put his head under the covers. "Go away ! It's oh three hundred."

Rodney turned on music. Loud. The 1812 Overture. Cannons.

John sat bolt upright. "OK !" he yelled. "I'm awake. Turn it off." Silence. John walked into the main room and opened his computer. "You had better not just be bored," he said booting it up. "Or I'll..."

YOU'LL WHAT ?

"I'll send an EM pulse right through your core."

OOOOH YOU WOULDN'T.

"What is it, Rodney ? You do know the time, right ?"

LOOK AT THIS.

Rodney pulled up the view from the CCTV on the east side.

"OK. It's a transporter control."

NOT THAT...THIS.

The picture zoomed in to the side.

THAT LOOKS LIKE

"A bomb. That's C4. Where is this, Rodney ?"

MAIN TRANSPORTER CONTROL. LEVEL ONE. EAST SIDE.

"I'm on it," John said going into his bedroom to get dressed. "See if you can locate any others."

RIGHT.

oOo

Meeting in the conference room two hours later Elizabeth looked at the devices on the table. "So you found one in each corner of the city ?" she asked.

"In different types of locations," John said.

NONE OF WHICH WOULD HAVE CAUSED ANY SIGNIFICANT DAMAGE.

"So why bother ?" Ronon asked. "Why waste the C4 ?"

"Was there anything on the CCTV records ?" Elizabeth asked. "When were they planted and who planted them ?"

THREE DAYS AGO. ALL PLANTED AT THE SAME TIME. THURSDAY AT 4AM. FOUR DIFFERENT PEOPLE ALL DRESSED IN MILITARY CAMOFLAGE. ALL KEPT THEIR FACES OUT OF SIGHT. OBVIOUSLY KNEW WHERE THE CAMERAS ARE.

"That's not a lot of help," Elizabeth said.

"Forensics are looking at the evidence," John said. "At least they didn't go off." he added.

"Is Radek up yet ?" Elizabeth asked. "I think that we need to free Rodney as soon as possible."

I CAN WAKE HIM.

"No," John said quickly. "I'll do it. You er go on ahead."

I CAN PICK SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE 1812.

"He woke you with the 1812 Overture," Elizabeth said smiling.

John smiled crookedly and left.

"Rodney.."

WHAT ?

oOo

Several hours later Radek was still putting pieces back into the machine.

"I can't keep this up," he said. "I need a break."

The doors closed tightly and the lights turned off.

"Oh that is so childish !" Radek said. "Look you may not need breaks but I do. Ten minutes."

The lights came on and the door opened.

"I'll be right back. I promise. You know I won't abandon you."

YOU'D NEVER BE ABLE TO GET INTO A TOILET AGAIN.

"Oh that's cruel !"

OR A SHOWER.

oOo

That evening Radek met with John, Ronon and Carson in the Infirmary. They stood next to where Rodney lay still hooked up to the life support machine.

"We'll need to move him to the platform by the machine," Radek said. "The machine's too big and bulky to move here not to mention it's across the city."

"As soon as we remove the life support machine," Carson said. "We'll have to bag him and start CPR. He's not able to breathe on his own."

"Are we ready ?" Elizabeth asked.

"I can't test it without him er there," Radek said. "I've gone as far as we can go."

"OK then," Carson said. "Let's do this."

It was a fast dash across the city with Ronon pushing the gurney and a nurse straddling Rodney doing CPR as Carson rhythmically squeezed the oxygen bag.

Ronon lifted Rodney onto the platform.

"Quickly," Carson said. "He's not breathing."

"Here goes," Radek said.

OH TAKE YOUR TIME I'M DYING HERE

Radek pushed the button. A large flash of white light was followed by a strong pulse that again vibrated through the floor.

Carson ran to Rodney's side pulling out his stethoscope. "It seems to have worked. He's breathin' and I got a pulse," he said.

"Rodney are you there ?" John said looking at the camera and then back down at Rodney.

"Of course I'm here," Rodney said opening his eyes and sitting up. "Where else would I be ?"

"Lately I'm not sure," Elizabeth said.

oOo

They met up with Rodney in the mess hall. He had food spread out all across the table in front of him.

"You do know that Carson had IV's hooked up to you," John said sitting down opposite him. "I'm sure that your blood sugar is OK."

"Yeah, McKay," Ronon said pulling a chair across. "You don't have to eat the whole buffet."

"Hey I've got some making up to do. You know it felt really weird. Annoying too. Can go everywhere and do nothing."

"Oh I wouldn't say that. Radek said that you threatened to never let him use the bathroom again."

"There's always the balcony."

"We found the four guys who planted the C4," John said. "Matched fingerprints on the devices to their records in the database."

"Why'd they plant them ?" Rodney asked still eating.

"Wanted to cause a diversion so that they could steal a jumper and take it through the gate," John continued. "Apparently one of them had discovered a planet in the database with some, how shall I put it, compliant women and very few men."

"Wouldn't it have been easier to steal a jumper once offworld ?" Ronon said.

"They were biologists. They didn't get offworld much and when they did they weren't together. Stole the camos from the laundry just long enough to appear on camera," John said. "They'll be shipped back to earth now, of course."

"If they want a female planet maybe we ought to introduce them to AmLee," Rodney said grinning. "Any of them have blue eyes ?"

oOo

Hope you enjoyed it

love some reviews (as always)

debbie

ps: For anyone who doesn't remember AmLee was the Amazon Queen ;)


	32. Switched

**Disclaimer:** yada yada yada

OK This is from a story idea from Tenshi of Light21 about having Rodney switch places with a woman in body. This seemed a little problematic (men being how they are) but then the muse hit & I thought how about if he changes places with his sister Jeannie!! Oh the joy of it. For the sake of clarity (!) if Rodney is speaking it is Rodney whether he's in Jeannie's body or his own and vice versa.  
Confusing ?? Yeah it might be but let's go...

**Switched.**

"Meredith ?"

Rodney looked up from his computer and turned to face the door. Only one person in two galaxies ever called him that. "Jeannie," he said getting up and giving her a quick hug. "What are you doing here ?"

"I'm completing my research on that equation. They let me use the labs on the Daedalus. That way I could hitch a ride and stop by for a quick visit."

"Wonderful," Rodney said without too much excitement. "How long ...er ?"

"A week. They fly back next Tuesday."

"Well...um..."

"I'll get settled in and meet you later," she said. "You can show me what's been happening."

"Sure. That would be er good," Rodney said as he watched her go. "This is going to be a long week," he said quietly.

oOo

Later that afternoon Rodney took Jeannie on the promised tour of the labs. "Radek's team has been working on something for several days now," he said as they walked. "The marines found this weird looking machine with antennas all over it and so they dragged it back to the lab. Radek's been trying to find out what it does."

"Well let's see then," Jeannie said as Rodney opened the door.

At that precise moment a large pulse boomed out from the machine, which was sitting on the middle of the table opposite the door. Radek and his team were shocked as it had done nothing at all up to this point. Sparks flew from the back of it and one of the technicians grabbed an extinguisher and put out the small fire as the machine shut itself down.

Rodney and Jeannie both fell to the floor and sat for a moment, dazed.

"Are you all right ?" Rodney asked looking across at Jeannie - only he saw himself !

"I think so, you ?" Jeannie said looking across at ...herself ?

"Oh no !" they both said together.

oOo

"Oh no no no no no no no. This can not be happening," Rodney said. "Radek you've got to do something." He strode over towards him and stumbled. Catching himself on the desk he kicked the shoes off. "How the hell do you walk in these things ?"

Jeannie walked over and picked up her shoes. "It's easy once you get used to it," she said.

"Radek you have to fix this," Rodney said loudly.

Radek stared open mouthed only just realizing what had happened. Rodney McKay stood in front of him, left hand on his hip, holding his sister's red high heeled shoes dangling from his left hand.

Jeannie Miller was leaning on the table getting progressively angrier.

"Here. Radek. Focus." Rodney said. "We've switched bodies. Switch us back. Now !" Rodney looked across at Jeannie as Radek stared. "Will you quit standing like that ?" he snapped.

"Oh. Sorry," she said dropping her hand from her hip.

"I ...er..." Radek turned to the machine. "It burned out it's power unit," he said. "We will have to replace it."

Rodney leaned forward, furious. "You do nothing else until this is fixed, understand ? Nothing !"

"Yes... I don't understand what set it off," he said. "It hadn't worked at all up until this point."

"Perhaps because we're genetically alike," Jeannie said.

"Except for the Y chromosome," Rodney added.

"It probably keyed on our similarities, Mer," Jeannie continued. "After all..."

"This is all very facinating," Rodney said. "But I want it fixed. Change us back and then dismantle it."

"But..." Radek stopped when Rodney glared at him. The body may have been Jeannie's but the look was all McKay.

"Come on," Rodney said. "I've got to get changed. I hope you brought some shoes I can walk in. Give me my radio. And can you stop walking like that ? It's bad enough having Meredith for a first name..."

Radek watched as they left.

oOo

"That's better," Rodney said as they walked to the conference room. He had changed into a jumpsuit and Jeannie had pulled some sneakers out of her luggage. "I was afraid I'd break my ...er ...your neck."

They were the first to arrive and sat down next to each other opposite the door.

"Well you can't go back until this is fixed," Rodney said.

"But I've got to. Madison..."

"How are you going to explain that Uncle Rodney is now mom ?"

"Oh. And what about Caleb ?"

"Ah... Don't even go there." Rodney put his head in his hands. "How do you deal with all this hair ? I can't keep it out of my face."

"Here," Jeannie said. She got up and stood behind him. Pulling the hair up behind she tied it into a tight ponytail, just as Elizabeth and the others walked in. Oblivious to Rodney's discomfort Jeannie sat back down as Rodney put his face in his hands and shook his head.

Elizabeth had been briefed by Radek on what had happened but she was still totally unprepared for the sight of Rodney standing over Jeannie doing her hair. She stopped, open mouthed, for a moment before gathering her thoughts and sitting down.

"Way to go, McKay," Ronon said sitting down.

Rodney glared at him. "For once this was not my doing," he said. "This was all Radek."

"It doesn't really matter who's at fault," Elizabeth said. "The question is what do we do about it ?"

"Well," Rodney said. "Radek's going to be fixing that machine for starters."

"And I need the pair of you in the Infirmary for tests," Carson said.

"Ah..." Rodney whined. "What for ?"

"He has to make sure that nothing else is wrong," Jeannie said. "You know that."

Rodney shot her a look. "And what are you laughing at ?"

"Nothin '." Ronon said grinning.

"And until this situation is er resolved you will be, of course, suspended from duty," Elizabeth said.

"What ? Why ?"

"Well you can't work like that, Rodney," John said. "What do we call you ? I guess Meredith would work," he added smiling.

"Oh kick a man when he's down. Doctor will work just fine."

"Well maybe we can spend some time together after all," Jeannie said. "You know. Talk."

"Oh just shoot me now." Rodney said putting his head down on the desk.

"Which one of you ?" John asked.

"Anyone would think that you didn't want to spend time with family ?" Jeannie asked.

"It's not that. I've got work..."

"Not right now you haven't," John said.

"Not helping... How am I supposed to cope with this ?"

"Well you could always go eat," Ronon said. "That's what you usually do."

"Not in my body he doesn't," Jeannie said. "I've got this tight little black dress..."

"Please," Rodney interrupted. "Don't. And while we're on the subject of food stay away from the citrus."

"I know that. We never heard the end of it."

"Us neither."

"Well I'm sorry but it's almost killed me on more than one occasion. Makes one kinda paranoid."

"Being female isn't that bad," Teyla said.

"Yeah," Elizabeth added. "Relax. You might enjoy it."

Rodney just sat with his arms crossed and glared at them both.

"You know this could be kinda fun," Jeannie said. "Which way is the mess hall ? I don't need to watch what I eat right now." She got up and headed out the door.

"Wait a minute," Rodney got up and went after her. "I'm coming with you..."

"Infirmary," Carson called. "I'll catch up with them later," he said.

"Well this is very...strange," Teyla said.

"Kinda creepy," John added.

"It's hard to keep straight who you're talking to," Elizabeth said.

oOo

"This is torture," Rodney said watching as Jeannie tucked into a large slice of chocolate cake.

"You've got food too," Jeannie said pointing with her fork at the salad in front of Rodney.

"Is that what you call it ? Almost makes me want tofu chicken."

"Yeah well. Payback."

"What did I do ?"

"Not you. Men in general."

"Well when you've finished stuffing your ...my face, we've got to go to the Infirmary and meet with Carson."

"OK, Mer," Jeannie said putting her fork down. "I guess I've tormented you enough for one day." She smiled. "Let's go and play nice for the Doctor."

They got up and walked towards the Infirmary. "You do know that the Doctor doesn't play nice," Rodney said.

"Doctors seldom do," Jeannie said. "Medical or otherwise."

Carson was having trouble keeping track of who was who. He looked at Jeannie. "Well the test results seem to be within the normal range but of course I don't have your baseline medical records."

"Yes you do," Rodney said. "As many scans as you've done of me."

"Not you, Rodney. Jeannie."

"Well you're talking to me."

"Well I'm not meaning to."

"I'm over here," Jeannie said from the next bed.

"Oh God," Carson said. "Yes you are but for the purposes of my tests you're Rodney."

"Well make up your mind who you want to talk to," Rodney said.

Carson stepped back and faced them both.

"OK," he said. "Well physically ya both appear to be fine. But I want to check on you again. After what happened with Laura."

"Laura ?"

"It's a long story. But that was two minds in one body. This is one mind, one body. Albeit the wrong one."

"Aye that's true. But I'd still like to keep an eye on you."

"Fine," Rodney said. "We'll come back later." He got off the bed. "Right now I want to check on Radek."

"Mer," Jeannie said going after him. "Rodney, is that wise ?" she asked as she caught up with him and grabbed his arm.

"Ow !" Rodney said pulling away. ""That hurt," he said stopping and rubbing his arm. "You don't know your ..my ...own strength. That's gonna leave a bruise and don't blame me for it."

"Leave Radek alone," Jeannie said. "I'm sure that he's doing everything that he can."

"You're too trusting."

"And you don't trust enough."

"Fine," Rodney said standing with his arms crossed. "And what exactly do you suggest that we do ? And don't say let's sit and talk."

"Well I did bring some new pictures of Maddy for you. Come on Mer..." she sidled up to him.

Rodney pushed her away. "You know that may look cute when you do it but it really looks weird when a grown man does it."

Jeannie looked down at herself. "I guess it does nullify the effect, somewhat," she said smiling. "Come on. Let's go and look at the photos. We can chase Radek down later. Please...?"

"You always could get to me," Rodney said walking towards Jeannie's quarters. Jeannie skipped after him. "Will you stop doing that ? Remember who you're supposed to be."

"Sorry."

Jeannie was lying on the bed. Rodney was sitting on a small chair looking at the pictures and trying not to look in the mirror. "So she's still four," he said turning his back to the glass.

"Yeah," Jeannie said. "At least for another couple of months. Her birthday's soon."

"Lose track of time here," Rodney said. "The days kinda run together. Oh this is ridiculous," he said standing up. "I'm not used to doing nothing." He strode out of the door. Jeannie jumped to her feet and ran after him.

"What's everyone looking at ?" Rodney said as they walked.

Jeannie looked around. "Well the women are checking you out as competition," she said. "The men are checking out your butt."

"What ?"

"Don't tell me you never do that."

"I ...well...I, I guess I never knew how it er felt to be on the receiving end."

"Well now you do. Will you change ?"

"Probably not. Hey I'm a guy it's what guys do."

"Well you'd better quit it right now," Jeannie said as they entered the lab. "I'm a married woman. You're not the only one who doesn't want a reputation, you know."

"Sorry. Didn't realize I was doing it." Rodney walked across the room to Radek. "Well ?" he said as firmly as he could considering that he had Jeannie's voice.

"Er...Rodney ?" Radek said.

"Well who else would it be ? You've got the only switching machine that I know of. Speaking of which..."

"We are almost ready to try the exchange," Radek said. "We just have to check the polarity."

"We'll wait," Rodney said walking over next to Jeannie.

"Calm down, Mer," Jeannie said. "They're working on it."

"I know," Rodney said rubbing his forehead with his right hand.

"Your trouble is that you're too used to being in control."

"Yeah well dad beat that into me a long time ago."

"I know," Jeannie said putting her hand on his shoulder just as a massive pulse shot out of the machine.

It hit Rodney in the back and he fell forward into Jeannie's arms...

Jeannie looked up into Rodney's face as he held her. "Wow," she said. "Are you ? Are we ?"

Rodney blinked still getting his bearings. He lifted Jeannie to a standing position. "Thank God," he said as she hugged him.

"No," Jeannie said standing back and looking up into his eyes. "Thank Radek," she smiled.

Rodney looked across at Radek who was watching nervously. "Thanks," he said. "Now destroy it."

He walked out of the room with his arm across Jeannie's shoulders.

oOo

"So what did you learn about women, Rodney ?" John asked as they sat in the mess hall.

"That I prefer being a man for a start," Rodney said eating a cookie.

Jeannie looked down at her salad and smiled.

"So which do you prefer ?" Teyla asked looking at Jeannie.

"Oh I couldn't give up being a wife and mother," she said. "Or my heels," she said flexing her foot and showing off her shoes. "It was neat to be the one allowed to stare for a change and being able to sit how I want and eat what I want however..."

"No one stops you eating," Rodney said.

Jeannie looked at Teyla and winked. "Just that little black dress..."

oOo

Hope it made sense  
Tricky to write  
Reviews ? ;)

debbie


	33. A Pain In The Side

**Disclaimer:** etc

OK Let's get away from the machines for a bit and get back to basics ;)

**A Pain In The Side.** (No, no arrows)

Rodney lay on his bed in the darkness of his quarters. He was in pain, and had been for several days now. And it wasn't getting any better.

It had begun as a dull ache on his right side and had been getting steadily worse ever since. He'd gone to see Carson the evening before but the Infirmary was full to overflowing thanks to a strange plant that had been brought back that had given every botanist in the city a rash that made poison ivy look tame. So Carson had just assumed that it was something that he'd eaten and told him to come back if it didn't get any better.

That was the problem with being a hypochondriac. If you were really hurting nobody believed you.

"Well," Rodney thought. "Come hell or high water I'm seeing Carson in the morning. And I don't care how many people are scratching."

He dozed and kept waking up. It was turning into a long night. Finally at about six o'clock he decided to get up and see if Carson was available. As he sat up on the side of his bed his radio chirped.

"Rodney."

Rodney sighed and picked up the earpiece and clipped it onto his left ear. "Yes, Colonel," he said.

"We're heading offworld. Gateroom. Thirty minutes."

"But I..."

Silence. John had logged off.

"OK," he thought. "Maybe a little moving around would help." Nothing else had. He winced as he got up and a sharp pain shot across his midsection. Tossing his earpeice onto the bed he headed for the shower.

oOo

At six twenty five he was standing by the gate with Ronon. The shower hadn't helped and he still felt like crap. Didn't even feel like breakfast. He popped a glucose tablet into his mouth while he waited.

"Do you ever stop eating ?" Ronon asked.

"Hello ?" Rodney said. "Low blood sugar. No breakfast. Besides, these things aren't food. And where are we going that couldn't possibly wait ?"

"P17892," John said as he and Teyla approached. "And it's mid morning there. We're already late."

"892 ? " Rodney thought for a moment. "Oh. Isn't that the kooky guy with all the plants to trade ?"

"If you mean Quebar, yes," Teyla said.

"And both Carson and the botanists want those plants," John said. "Apparently some of them are like aloe and they could really use them at the moment."

"Then why am I here ?"

"Well it's not for your charming personality, McKay," Ronon said smiling.

Rodney smiled sarcastically. "Seriously," he said.

John looked at him. "Teyla knows this guy but they never negotiate without bodyguards and before you say anything you're part of the team."

"So we get to sit around and be bored ?"

"I'm sure they'll have a buffet. Let's go," John said. He waved at Chuck who dialled the gate.

oOo

Rodney sat at the far end of the long table watching Teyla and Quebar in animated conversation at the other end. The twenty minute walk from the gate hadn't done anything to make him feel any better and now he was feeling queasy on top of everything else. He sipped from his water bottle. He still hadn't eaten anything and didn't even feel like thinking about food right now.

"How long is this going to take ?" he asked John who was sitting next to him looking cool.

"Relax, Rodney," he said. "It's only been a couple of hours. Teyla said that negotiations on this world usually take days but she's hoping to wrap it up by tomorrow afternoon."

"What ?"

Teyla and Quebar stopped and looked at him for a moment and then continued.

"Hush," John said quietly. "Don't shout. It's considered very impolite here."

"Tomorrow ?" Rodney said softly. "I could be dead by then."

"It's not that boring," John said. "Of course there's no electricity, no computers and no women... OK maybe it is that boring."

"It's not just because I'm bored," Rodney said resting his head on his left hand and holding his side with his right. "I don't feel well and I've got a pain in my side."

John and Ronon exchanged glances.

"Stop exaggerating, McKay," Ronon said.

"I'm not faking. Look. You stay here. I'll just walk back to the gate. I need to see Carson," he said standing up.

"You can't," John said putting his hand on Rodney's shoulder and pushing him back down.

"Sure I can. It's not that far..."

"No. It's not that. The Kenotions have some strange customs. Once negotiations of any kind have started no one is allowed to enter or leave until they're over or it's a great insult. That's why they have the little sleeping huts," he added.

"Oh you have got to be joking," Rodney said leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes. "So I can't call Carson and have him come here either ?"

"Afraid not," John said. "Why didn't you say something ?"

"I tried to." Rodney looked towards the huts. "Will it be a problem if I go and lie down ?" he asked. "Maybe I'll feel better if I can sleep a while."

"I don't see why not."

"Good," Rodney said.

"See you later," John said as he watched him walk to the nearest hut.

"Think he's just tryin' to get out of the duty ?" Ronon asked.

"No I don't think so," John replied. "He isn't acting like himself."

"He was kinda quiet."

oOo

After about an hour John decided to check on Rodney. He walked over to the hut and pulled back the cloth that covered the door. The windows were small so there was very little light inside and John stood for a minute as his eyes adjusted to the relative darkness.

There was a fairly large bed towards the back wall of the hut. It was a cot type frame with a plain, straw filled, mattress. A blanket covered the bed but John could make out the silhouette of Rodney lying on top of it. He hadn't even taken off his tac vest, he'd just flopped on the bed fully clothed.

"Rodney ?" John said quietly moving across to the bed. "Rodney." He pushed on Rodney's shoulder.

Rodney was on his side facing the wall. He groaned and then gasped in pain, clutching his side. John pulled on his shoulder turning him onto his back. Rodney looked up at him. His eyes were glazed and he looked feverish. "John ?" he said. "Can we go yet ?"

"It's only been an hour," John said. "You look like crap."

"Thank you."

"I mean it, Rodney. You're not feeling any better are you ?"

"Uh huh. Worse if anything."

"Do you still have your appendix ?"

"Last time I checked. Why ?"

"Because you remind me of when my brother had appendicitus, only he didn't get this bad."

"Wonderful," Rodney slurred. He closed his eyes. He seemed to be drifting into unconsciousness.

"I'm gonna get Carson here," John said. "Or get you to him. Hang in there."

"What about the...er plants ?"

John headed for the door. "The hell with the plants," he said.

oOo

John walked over to Ronon. "We've gotta get Rodney back to Atlantis," he said quietly. "Or get Carson here." He leaned on the table.

"They're not gonna let us walk out," Ronon said.

"I know."

"What about Teyla ?" Ronon asked looking towards Teyla and Quebar who were still in deep discussion at the other end of the table.

"We'll have to let her know after. There are three guards plus Quebar..."

"He won't be much of a challenge."

"Wish I had a stunner."

"Teyla was the one who said that we had to leave our weapons behind," Ronon said. "I advised against that," he added.

"How many knives do you have ?"

"How many do you need ?" Ronon said slipping one to John.

The guards were starting to look in their direction. John smiled and sat down and they slowly looked away.

"I don't want to kill anyone."

"Whatever," Ronon shrugged.

"We need to separate them. Take them out and then put a field stretcher together to get Rodney back to Atlantis."

"Let's do it."

Ronon stood up and ambled slowly towards the other end of the table. John got up and moved over towards the two guards on his side of the table. Guards who were now watching him with great interest.

John strolled between them and with a barely perceptable nod towards Ronon he moved with lightning speed punching one guard in the face and hitting the other with the hilt of his knife. As the two fell unconscious to the ground Ronon dispatched the one on his side who also dropped to the floor.

Quebar looked up at John, an angry look on his face. "What is the meaning of this treachery ?" he said.

"John ?" Teyla said. "What are you doing ?"

Before John could answer stun beams flashed across the compound catching Ronon full blast. He dropped to the ground. John turned just as another hit him.

Teyla looked, wide-eyed, as three more guards stepped out from the trees.

"It seems, my dear," Quebar said smiling. "That our negotiations are going to be changing."

He nodded and one of the guards shot Teyla in the back.

oOo

John woke up slowly. Groaning, he turned onto his back and looked up at the sky. His arms and legs were tingling from the after effects of the stunner. He sat up and looked around.

Ronon lay flat on his back a few feet away from him. Rodney lay on his side to Johns left. He looked barely conscious. Teyla sat by him holding a damp cloth to his forehead.

They were in a fenced compound. A large gate was guarded by two armed men.

John checked Ronon who was starting to move and then walked over to Teyla and Rodney. He crouched down next to them. "How is he ?" he asked.

Teyla glared at him. "Just what did you think you were doing ?" she asked.

"We need to get Rodney to a Doctor," John said. "I just figured we'd get him back to Atlantis and worry about the rest later."

Rodney looked up at him. "They threw me in here," he gasped. "I thought you were all dead or something." He was panting for air and clearly running a fever. "Oh God it hurts," he said wincing and holding his side.

"And what do we do now ?" Teyla asked.

Ronon had come over and was standing by them flexing his shoulders. He looked around and saw that there was only the two guards and suddenly he made a run for the fence.

"Ronon ! No !" Rodney yelled reaching forward. But Ronon either didn't hear him or decided to ignore him. He hit the gate full force only to be thrown back into the center of the enclosure. He sat dazed for a moment.

"What the hell ...?" John said.

"See that grey... box just outside the... fence," Rodney said still struggling to breathe. "That's a ...force field generator. Can't see what kinda ...power supply they've got it ...hooked up to though..."

"Crap !"

"I have not seen Quebar since the incident," Teyla said. "But he said something about our negotiations changing."

"You know," John said sitting on the floor next to Rodney. "I wouldn't mind betting that they make all these stupid rules and regulations deliberately just so you'd end up pissing them off."

"I do not understand."

"When you make up enough "traditions" and stuff to get offended by sooner or later something happens that inevitably offends you. Then you announce that all bets are off and you're changing the rules. In your favor, of course."

"And people capitulate so as not to cause any more trouble," Teyla said.

"Precisely."

"Good gaming strategy," Rodney said weakly.

"Makes for lousy relations with your neighbors though," John said.

"Not necessarily," Rodney said. "Not if you make them believe ...that it was all their fault."

"And if you play it right you don't even have to trade much," John said. "So you keep your crop for the next guy."

"Or yourself," Teyla pointed out.

"Sneaky," Ronon said.

"You OK ?" John asked.

"Oh yeah," Ronon said grinning. "Just a little jolt is all."

"Translation...Stay away from it," Rodney said.

Ronon shrugged. "No big deal," he said.

"Well," John said. "I guess that the next move is Quebars."

oOo

The sun grew progressively hotter. John and Ronon tried to stay on the sun side of Rodney to keep him in the shade as much as possible but he was getting steadily worse.

"He is getting less responsive," Teyla said looking worried.

"Hey Rodney," John said shaking him by the shoulder. "Rodney ?"

Rodney moved slightly and barely opened his eyes. "Hum," he said. "What ...?"

"When did you last eat ?"

"Ah ...dunno..." Rodney mumbled.

"He had some of those glucose things he carries before we left," Ronon said.

John checked his watch. "That was almost eight hours ago," he said. "No wonder you're losing it, buddy." He pulled the glucose tablets from Rodney's pocket and pushed one into his mouth. "Here. Try and get this down."

Rodney pulled a face and gagged but swallowed the tablet. John gave him another.

"So he really does have to keep eating ?" Ronon asked.

"It's a rare form of diabetes," John said. "If he doesn't eat his blood sugar drops and he starts to fade out as it were."

Rodney started to cough and splutter. He turned onto his side and retched, wincing in pain as it spasmed down his side.

"You need to keep that down," John said.

"Can't," Rodney muttered, barely awake.

John crouched down next to him. "Crap !" he said. This was getting serious.

"Someone's comin'," Ronon said.

John looked in the direction that Ronon pointed in. A lone figure was walking up the path. He had a big backpack and was carrying a large bag.

"Carson," John said. "Thank God. It's Carson."

They stayed back until the two guards let him through. Ronon looked at John who shook his head. When the gate was closed and the force field was turned back on Ronon walked up to the Doctor and grabbed his bags, lifting them easily.

"Thank you," Carson said. "That thing gets bloody heavy after half a mile." He crouched down next to Rodney. "Has he eaten lately ?" he asked checking his eyes and pulse.

John shook his head. "And I couldn't get any glucose down him either."

"OK." Carson pulled a syringe from his bag and a vial of liquid. He filled the hypodermic, wiped Rodney's arm with an alcohol wipe, and deftly injected the glucose. "That should work fairly quickly," he said. He got a short chrome pole out of the bag. "Gotta find somewhere to set this up for an IV," he said.

Ronon took it from his hand and with one quick thrust impaled it into the ground next to Rodney.

"Ah. Thank you...Rodney ?"

Rodney was starting to come around. He moved and winced. "Carson ?" he said. "What ? How ?"

"Elizabeth's talking with Quebar. Since he mentioned in passing that one of ya didn't look well she insisted that I be allowed to come and check you out. It's just as well by the look of it. Now where does it hurt ?"

Rodney gestured towards his side with his right hand. "OK," Carson said as he pressed on Rodney's abdomen.

"Ow !" Rodney said. "Ow !"

"Well you've got rebound tenderness too," Carson said. "It's your appendix all right. Looks like it's ruptured. Why didn't ya come to me earlier ?"

"I did. You said that..."

"that I didn't have time to mollycoddle you...Yes I remember. I'm sorry, Rodney. I thought..."

"That I was faking. Yeah well you weren't the only one."

John and Ronon glanced at each other.

"Well I'm here now," Carson said setting up an IV. "You're gonna feel a slight prick... there. OK I'm startin' a dextrose IV that'll keep ya sugar up and I'm gonna give you a strong antibiotic and some morphine for the pain."

oOo

"What now, Doc ?" John asked as Rodney slept. Carson had pulled a blanket out from his bag and they'd made a lean to to act as a sun shade.

"Well all that I can do here is give him antibiotics to try to slow any sepsis and keep him comfortable. He needs surgery and he needs it soon. I can't do the surgery here. They'll be significant blood loss plus the certain risk of added infection. I really wish I'd taken the time with him earlier."

"Hey we ignored him, too," John said.

"Aye but you're not Doctors..."

"And you had an Infirmary full of other patients."

"That's no excuse."

"It's no good beating yourself up about it."

"Aye I know."

"Carson."

Carson tapped his radio. "Yes, Elizabeth."

"I've slipped away from Quebar for a moment. Do you need picking up there ?"

"Aye we do. Rodney needs emergency surgery."

"In a few minutes then. Out."

"What was that all about ?" John asked.

"We made arrangements just in case someone was badly hurt."

"And Quebar ?"

"The hell with Quebar."

As he spoke there was a flash of white light. The guards turned, surprised, as all five of them disappeared.

The transporter deposited them gently onto the floor of the sickbay on board the Daedalus.

Colonel Caldwell was waiting. "Welcome aboard gentlemen, Teyla," he said. "You can get Doctor Weir now," he said to a crewman who nodded and then left.

oOo

We'll be back in Atlantis tomorrow, Rodney," Carson said checking the monitors. "How are ya feelin' ?"

Rodney was propped up on several pillows in the small bed in the sickbay. He still looked very pale.

"Still sore," he answered.

"Well that's to be expected. It was touch and go there for a bit what with the blood poisoning and all. It's just as well I got there when I did."

"Carson ?"

"Yes Rodney."

"Why didn't you believe me ?"

Carson looked down and then back at him. "I'm sorry...I..."

oOo

"Well Colonel," Elizabeth said. "We really appreciate the help that you've given us."

"You're welcome, Doctor," Colonel Caldwell replied as they sat in the small conference room.

"Pity about losing those plants," John said. "Since we'd gone to this much trouble."

"Oh we didn't lose them," Elizabeth said smiling. "The main reason that I kept him talking was so that I could find out where he had them stored and plant a transponder."

"They're in our cargo hold," Colonel Caldwell said.

"We stole them ?" Teyla said.

"Sweet," Ronon grinned.

"Oh I wouldn't say stole exactly," Elizabeth said. "When he stops complaining I'll meet with Quebar and we'll arrange some kind of payment. Just not exactly what he had in mind is all."

"Elizabeth," John said. "I'm surprised at you."

"Serves him right," Ronon said.

"It appears that he had underestimated you," Teyla said.

"Yeah I didn't know you were that sneaky," John said.

"And don't you forget it," Elizabeth said smiling.

oOo

There we are  
just a plain & simple one (give my poor brain a rest from all those machines ;) )

love some reviews - as always

debbie


	34. The Bear God

**Disclaimer:** whatever

Just another lesson from the "John Sheppard school of Aviation" (see "Shipwrecked" ;D )

**The Bear God.**

"Rodney," John said as he turned the jumper towards the gate. "Did you have to refer to their idols as "ugly ass bears with phallic symbols on their heads" ?"

"Kinda accurate description," Ronon said grinning as he strapped himself in behind Rodney who was in the co-pilots seat.

"That's not the point," John said. "It got us chased out of the village."

"I was talking to Teyla. How was I supposed to know that their priest could hear me ?"

"You're not exactly the quietest person around, McKay," Ronon said.

"So shoot me. I was just expessing an opinion."

"Gladly," John replied.

"Look," Rodney said turning around in his seat. "How was I to know they'd be so sensitive ? I... What the hell ?"

The craft vibrated and shook. As John fought for control Rodney checked his displays. "I'm not showing a malfunction but we're leaking plasma." He started to unbuckle his seat belt to get up but John stopped him.

"Stay put," he said. "Something hit us. We're going down." He pulled up the HUD. "Crap! Nothing but forest," John said. "Hang on this is gonna be a rough one."

The windshield shattered and glass flew through the cabin as they crashed through the foliage. A thin plume of smoke curled from the front of the jumper and birds flew into the air as the craft came to a crashing halt.

A lone hawk screeched breaking the silence.

oOo

Ronon woke up suddenly and shook his head. Teyla had only just woken up herself and was standing looking disorientated.

"You OK ?" Ronon asked unbuckling his seatbelt.

"I think so," she replied. "John ?"

Teyla stepped to the front to check on John while Ronon checked Rodney. The jumper was tilted forward at a crazy angle and branches were protruding through the glass.

John was slumped over the controls. He started to move as Teyla touched his shoulder. Blood streamed down the left side of his face from a deep cut on his temple. Teyla pulled a bandage from her pocket and used it to stop the bleeding.

"What ?" he mumbled.

"Stay still," Teyla said. "You're bleeding."

"McKay ?" Ronon said moving over to where Rodney lay unmoving across the control panel. A branch had snapped off and was impaled in his chest between his sternum and his shoulder, just to the left of his heart.

Ronon moved him slightly by his right shoulder. "McKay ?" he said again.

Rodney groaned and moved slightly. "Oh my God," he said quietly. He coughed and winced and blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. He opened his eyes and squinted forward. "What is that ?" he said gasping for breath.

"We're stuck in a tree," Ronon said helping Rodney to a sitting position.

"Another great...Sheppard landing," Rodney said.

"It wasn't my fault, Rodney," John said. "Something hit us." He sat holding his head.

Red lights were blinking across the remains of the panel. Rodney squinted at the display.

"Oh no no no no no no," he said.

"What ?" John said.

"We're still leaking plasma. It's toxic and it can blow any second. We gotta get out of here." Rodney stood and then stopped as a dizzy spell overcame him.

"Easy," Ronon said steadying him.

Teyla went to the back and opened the door. John followed her, swaying slightly, and Ronon followed supporting Rodney.

"This will not be easy," Teyla said looking out.

They were wedged part way up the tree, about five meters in the air.

"Crap !" John said. "We're gonna have to jump." He looked back at Ronon who nodded.

Teyla jumped first, landing easily. John jumped next and stumbled. Teyla steadied him.

John looked back up at the open jumper. Ronon had brought Rodney to the edge.

"Oh I can't do this," Rodney said looking down and then squeezing his eyes shut. "Let me back in. Maybe I can fix it."

"We're going, McKay," Ronon said. He gripped Rodney firmly around the waist and then jumped taking Rodney with him.

Rodney screamed all the way to the ground.

They landed in a crumpled heap. Ronon got up and pulled Rodney up with him.

"Oh my God !" Rodney said. "I can't believe you did...that. I could've been killed. This thing's stuck in my shoulder, you know. I..."

"Move !" John yelled pointing up at the jumper.

Ronon grabbed Rodney around his waist and ran forward away from the tree. He threw Rodney forward and dove after him as the jumper tipped out of the tree and crashed to the ground in a ball of flame.

Rodney lay on his side gasping in pain. "Get off me," he stammered. He started to cough as Ronon got up.

"That was too close," John said leaning against a tree and holding his head.

Rodney pushed himself up until he was sitting against a tree facing the burning jumper. He was breathing heavily and had his eyes closed.

Ronon walked back through the trees to where he could see the village and then he walked back to the others. "The villagers are comin'," he said. "We gotta move."

John looked over at him. "Coming after us ?" he asked.

"Looks like it," Ronon replied. "Whole bunch of 'em."

"OK," John said. "When we flew in I saw some caves..."

Ronon nodded. He reached down and lifted Rodney to a standing position. Rodney cried out in pain as Ronon supported him from the right side.

"Ow ! Careful," Rodney said. "Wounded here, remember."

"You're not gonna let me forget, McKay."

"Come on," John said. "Let's go."

oOo

It took over an hour for them to travel the short distance to the cave area. They found a fairly large cave with a narrow entrance that was "easy to defend" as Ronon had put it and Ronon laid Rodney down towards the back of the cave. He was barely conscious and starting to shiver.

"Well we can't start a fire," John said. "Or we'll lead them right to us. And all of our food, medical supplies, blankets and P90s went up with the jumper."

"We'll need to find water too," Ronon said.

"How long before Atlantis sends help ?" Teyla asked.

"Tomorrow night at the earliest," John said.

"I'll be right back," Ronon said heading towards the cave entrance.

"I'll come with you," John said. "We'll be back within an hour."

Teyla nodded and moved over next to Rodney. She removed her jacket and slipped it under Rodney's head as a makeshift pillow. When they returned Teyla was still sitting next to Rodney.

"I still say," John said. "That it would have been a lot easier to have just shot the bear instead of tackling it with your bare hands and a small knife."

"Where's the sport in that ?" Ronon said grinning.

Despite the seriousness of the situation Teyla couldn't help smiling.

"Anyhow," John said. "We've got meat, of course, and water from a spring but you don't want to know what we put it in..."

"And what's wrong with a bears stomach ?" Ronon asked. "We cleaned it out."

John pulled a face. "Yeah, anyway we also found some shells to use as cups and we've got the bearskin for warmth so we should be good until tomorrow."

"And the natives aren't coming after us," Ronon said. "So I guess they figure that we blew up with the jumper."

"Unfortunately," Teyla said solemnly. "I fear that Doctor McKay may not have that long. He is barely conscious and seems to be running a fever."

John went over and covered Rodney with the bear's pelt. "Hang in there," he said quietly as Rodney stirred slightly.

oOo

"You know I hate this," John said as he and Ronon stood by the cave entrance. "Standing around while Rodney's dying."

Ronon looked across the valley. "There's campfires over there," he said pointing. "Maybe there's another village."

"They may have some kind of medicine for the fever," Teyla said.

"You know," John said looking at her. "I used to complain about all the pockets in these BDU's and the stuff that they made us carry." He pulled a cloth stretcher out of his pants pocket. "Get a couple of poles and we can check it out."

"Beats standin' around," Ronon said.

They made their way towards the village. Teyla was leading with John and Ronon carrying the stretcher with Rodney on it. Rodney was still shivering despite the warmth of the day and the heavy fur pelt that they had covering him.

As they walked into the village the people stared but none of them came close. They looked out from the doorways looking shocked and curious.

One by one the villagers started to come out as Teyla, John and Ronon stood in the center of the village. Several of them started to nudge each other and whisper and point towards the stretcher.

"Uh oh," John said as he and Ronon put the stretcher gently onto the ground. "I don't like the look of this."

Without warning the people started to prostrate themselves on the ground, chanting in a language that they didn't understand.

"O...K..." John said looking around.

A man emerged from the large central hut and walked towards them, ignoring the people bowing before them. He was different from the natives. He had lighter skin and long white hair. He looked almost...ancient. He stopped in front of them, crossed his arms and smiled.

"It's the bear skin," he said. "You've killed one of their gods therefore you must be gods. It's much the same way that I became their chieftain many years ago when my craft crashed several miles from here. I am LaRay, chief of the Kenosians." He gestured towards the people.

"Colonel John Sheppard. This is Ronon Dex and Teyla Emmagan. And that's Doctor Rodney McKay on the stretcher."

"We too crashed our craft," Teyla said. "Our friend needs medicine."

"Antibiotics, yes I see. The people here are remarkably healthy and I've managed to save many of my supplies."

"Our people will be here to get us soon," John said. "We would be happy to replenish your stock."

"Agreed," LaRay said. "Come. Bring your friend. I am sure that I will be able to help."

"When my craft crashed," LaRay said getting a hypodermic and a vial of liquid from a drawer. "I was no longer able to get into orbit to access the gate."

He gave the medicine to Teyla. John took the vial from her and looked at LaRay.

"It's a general antibiotic. The full vial is one dose. Colonel," he said as John hesitated. "If I wanted to harm him I could just do nothing."

John filled the vial and gave Rodney the shot.

"When I crashed," LaRay continued. "I too killed one of the bears. The people reacted to me much as they did to you and I have been here ever since."

"We could perhaps take you home," Teyla suggested.

"Oh no, my dear," LaRay replied. "Here I am the ruler. Why serve elsewhere ? Please," he added showing them to the door. "The guest room is next to this hut. Take your friend and rest."

Teyla bowed her head and they picked up the stretcher and moved across the clearing to the next hut. Rodney was already starting to wake up.

"Well that ended kinda abruptly," John said.

"Guess we were done," Ronon said sitting down.

"Perhaps he has another reason for not wanting to go home," Teyla said.

"Like what ?" Ronon said.

"Maybe he's a criminal," John said.

"Who's a criminal ?" Rodney asked. "Help me up ?"

Ronon helped him into a chair. Rodney winced from the pain from the stick but the fever was completely gone.

"Boy," John said. "Carson would love some of that stuff."

"What stuff ?"

John explained what had happened since the jumper crash while Rodney leaned back in the chair trying to breathe shallowly so that it didn't hurt.

"He's helping us," Ronon said. "We ought to mind our own business."

"Suppose he helped the wraith ?" John asked.

"We have no way of knowing that," Teyla said.

"Maybe he's got a wife he doesn't want to return to," Rodney said.

"He worked very hard to keep us out of that back room," John said.

"Wonder what's in there," Ronon commented.

"Can you distract him, Teyla ?" John asked.

Teyla sighed and walked outside towards LaRay's hut. John and Ronon watched through the window as she walked away with LaRay.

"Soon as they're out of sight," John said.

With Ronon helping Rodney they moved across the clearing and into his hut. No one tried to stop them. Apparently their god-like status meant that they could go anywhere.

"He carefully steered us away from this curtain," John said. He pulled the cloth back. There was a large machine with several lights flashing across it. "Rodney ?"

Rodney moved behind the curtain and studied the machine. "It's a transmitter," he said. "I've seen these before."

"Is it active ?" John asked.

"Yes," Rodney said. "And that's wraith code."

"Crap !" John said. "You mean it's sending a signal to the wraith right now ?"

"To somebody."

"Can you turn it off ?"

"I think so," Rodney pushed several buttons. The lights turned off and the machine powered down. "But the signal's already been sent."

"How did he turn it on ? We were with him," Ronon said.

"There's a remote control," Rodney said pointing to a couple of small metal boxes. "He probably has one in his pocket."

"I have an idea," John said. "Can you rig this to explode ?"

Rodney gave him an "oh please" look. "I can make it overload. Feedback onto itself," he said. "It'll make a noise when it's powering up though."

"Set it up," John said watching the door.

They went back to the guest hut just before LaRay and Teyla returned.

"Look," John said. "That was just sending a straight signal, right ?"

"Yes," Rodney said nodding.

"So I doubt that the wraith will send an army without checking it out," John continued. "They're spread thin and fighting each other so I'm hoping that they just send one lone scout to check out a signal from a little backwater planet."

"I hope you're right," Rodney said. "With only three handguns and Ronon's blaster between us we can't hold off too many."

"Well I guess we'll find out soon enough," John said as Teyla walked back into the room.

oOo

The next morning they were woken by the sound of a wraith dart landing in the courtyard outside. They watched as a wraith and a guard got out of the ship and walked into LaRay's hut. The natives fled to the trees as soon as they saw them.

Rodney pressed the button on the remote control that he had stolen the night before.

John watched anxiously through the window. "How long Rodney ?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"Three minures ? Five ? Ten ?"

"It depends on how much power it's hooked into. The more power the quicker the overload."

"That's not much help."

"We need to make sure that they don't get a message back," Ronon said unholstering his weapon.

"Yeah but it would be much better if they died in an accidental overload," John said. "Less likely to send more troops that way."

Suddenly there was a massive explosion that destroyed most of LaRay's hut.

"Stay here," John said as he and Ronon went to check it out, guns drawn.

"No argument," Rodney said sitting back in the chair.

John entered the smoldering ruins of the hut first. The two wraith were dead. They had obviously been standing next to the transmitter when it exploded.

LaRay was in the middle of the main room. He was badly hurt and clearly angry."You ruined it all," he said shaking his fist at them. "They would have given me a planet to rule for you. Instead of a village full of peasants !"

Ronon levelled his blaster at LaRay. John put his hand on Ronon's arm and pushed it gently down. "Leave him," he said. "Let his people deal with him."

Several of the villagers stood silently watching.

John and Ronon walked back towards the hut.

"Colonel Sheppard."

John tapped his radio. "Major Lorne," he said. "Where are you ?"

"Right above you, sir. Is that a wraith dart ?"

"Yes it is. Land outside the village to the north and we'll meet you there."

"Yes, sir."

"Let's go home," John said wearily.

oOo

Several days later John came to see Rodney in the Infirmary.

"Colonel," Carson said. "I wish ya could've got a wee sample of that antibiotic. It's amazing stuff."

"How is he ?"

"He's just fine. The stick missed all his vital organs and that antibiotic took care of all of the infection."

They walked over to the bed.

"Now if we could just cure you of foot in mouth disease," John said.

"Telling the truth you mean," Rodney said.

"What did you say now ?" Carson said.

"Wait," Rodney said to John. "Look at this, Carson," he said turning his laptop towards him.

"What is it ?"

"I took a picture of their idol. Now how would you describe it ?"

"Well it's er a bear, I think, with a...what is that ?"

"Rodney called it an ugly ass bear with a phallic symbol on it's head," John said.

Carson had been joined by two of his nurses who were looking over his shoulder at the picture on the screen.

"Er...well, actually..."

"You should've seen that thing," Rodney said. "It was twelve feet tall and only four of it was bear," he added.

The nurses giggled. John just shook his head.

Carson sighed. "Come on," he said to the nurses. "Back to work."

"See," Rodney said. "It doesn't count if it's true."

oOo

Interesting ?  
Reviews please ;D  
debbie


	35. The Reflection Pool

**Disclaimer:** whatever

This is in response to a story challenge from samandjackforever where Rodney is put in a position where he is forced to show his past to the others. This is not my usual kind of story so I apologize up front if I've made a mess of it. It's kinda short 'cause I don't like to get too depressing.

Here goes  
debbie

**The Reflection Pool**

"It's this way," Rodney said holding up his mini padd and leading the way.

"I must say your enthusiasm is...unusual," Teyla said.

"Yeah Rodney. You got a bet on this ?" John asked.

Rodney stopped and turned back to look at them indignantly. "Oh really," he said. "Just because I'm showing an interest in something that doesn't mean that I've got ulterior motives."

"No," John conceded. "It doesn't. But you trekking through the jungle without complaining usually does."

Rodney scratched his head. "Well. I er might have a...very small er wager on who makes the next discovery," he said.

"How small ?" Ronon said.

"Zalenka's movie collection."

"What do you give up if you lose ?" John asked. "You don't have many movies."

"Yeah well I meant to talk with you about that."

"Rodney..."

"Your er James Bond collection," he said quietly.

"What !"

"Well it won't be a problem if we keep going because then we won't lose, hum ?" Rodney said starting off down the path again.

They came to a clearing with a large raised pool in the middle of it, almost like a big flat birdbath. It stood on a pedestal which put it at about waist height. Beyond it was an ancient looking device with lots of switches and dials.

"This is it," Rodney announced. "This is where the energy reading is originating from."

"Doesn't look that special," John said humming the James Bond theme. He touched the water lightly with his fingers. "Whoa," he said. "That's like a gel."

Rodney had already bypassed the pond to look at the machine. He looked back briefly. "Oh ?" he said. "Really ?" He turned his attention back to the machine. "Don't touch anything," he said with his back to him as John reached for the pond again. John stopped and put his hand back onto his P90.

Ronon sat on a small bench by the pool. Immediately lights came on and the machine started to hum. Ronon leapt to his feet.

"What did you do ?" Rodney said turning to face them.

John held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Ronon merely sat on the seat," Teyla said.

"Oh ?" Rodney walked over to the seat. "Well there's no power coming from it now," he said touching it lightly as he scanned for readings.

Triggered by Rodney's ATA gene a beam hit Rodney directly in the face. He froze in place and images started to appear in the pool. John stared as rapidly changing pictures of a family faded in and out. A man, clearly angry. A woman also upset. A small boy and a blonde haired girl. They scrolled too fast to see and then stopped as Rodney collapsed to his knees holding his head.

"Rodney !" Teyla said moving to him. "Are you all right ?"

"I...I think so," Rodney replied as Teyla helped him to his feet. "I'm not sure what happened."

"Pictures appeared in the pool," Ronon said.

"Really ?"

"Yeah," John added. "And I recognized some of the people. It looked like your family, Rodney."

oOo

"OK," Rodney said after about half an hour of checking with his laptop. "I think I know what this is."

"Is it extra movies or do you owe me big time ?" John asked.

"Funny. It seems to be a reflection device. A device that allows you to download memories and spend time in quiet reflection and contemplation of your journey. I'm quoting from the text here. Obviously they didn't have families like mine."

"So it takes memories from your mind and replays them in the pool ?" John asked.

"Essentially, yes."

"Cool."

"If you say so. Look," Rodney said. "Once the thing has been loaded as it were the only way to clear it is to play the memories back."

"So..."

"So I have to..."

"Look if you want us to leave...?" John said.

"That's not necessary," Rodney said. "You can stay. Heck I'd rather go but the thing doesn't seem to work unless I'm here since it's my memories."

"So how do you start it ?" Ronon asked.

Rodney pointed to the bench. "Just take a seat," he said. Sighing he sat on the seat facing the pool.

The pictures started to scroll much more slowly. A large stern looking man dominated much of the pool. Rodney closed his eyes and put his hands over his face as memories of beatings flashed across the pool. Several times it showed the boy getting between the man and the young girl and paying the price for it.

"Is that your...?" John asked stunned. He had never realized what Rodney had gone through growing up.

"My father, yes. And my sister, Jeannie."

The scene changed to the boy sitting at a piano. A teacher standing by him and then the boy lost in his music.

Another scene. The piano being loaded into a truck and taken away. The boy standing and watching it go as the parents argued.

School scenes. Older now. More bullies. Science fairs. College. The youngest in the class eagerly standing to answer a question. Area 51 and the Stargate. John, Teyla, Elizabeth and Ronon interspaced with Zalenka and other scientists, explosions and the wraith. The pool faded to a dark black as Rodney sat with his head down.

Everyone was quiet.

"I couldn't shut it out," Rodney said standing up. "Even closing my eyes it played across my mind." He brought his hands up to his face. "So much I thought I'd forgotten. Wish that I had," he added.

"Rodney..." John said.

"It's OK," Rodney said. "Really."

"Wanna talk about it ?"

"Later," he said picking up his laptop and walking back towards the gate. "I'm gonna recommend leaving this thing alone," he said.

"Perhaps that depends on what kind of memories you have," Teyla said.

"Yeah well I'm leaving it alone," Rodney said.

oOo

John caught up with Rodney in the mess hall soon after they returned to Atlantis. Rodney was sitting alone slowly eating a bowl of blue jello and seemed lost in thought. John almost didn't go over to him but decided to go anyway. "Hey," he said sitting down. "How ya doin' ?"

"I've had better days," Rodney said looking up at him. "And worse," he added smiling.

"Yeah at least you stayed out of the Infirmary this time."

Rodney laughed slightly. "No arrows."

John looked serious. "I didn't know that your dad was such a thug," he said sipping his coffee.

"He wasn't...always. Mom and dad grew to hate each other. Blamed me. I wanted to be a concert pianist you know. Music was my escape. It had this perfect order for me. When I was twelve my teacher told me to quit. A fine, clinical, player, he said. But no sense of the art whatsoever. Well when that fell through dad sold the piano. He and mom argued for two days. I took Jeannie to our aunts house and we hid out. She was younger so I don't know how much she realized about what was going on."

"Looked like you shielded her from most of it."

"As much as I could. Mom shielded her too. Me...I was fair game."

They sat in silence for several minutes.

"So I got lost in my work," Rodney continued. "It got me away from the house. From everybody..."

"Well I, for one, am glad you're not a concert pianist," John said.

"Oh ?"

"Well if you were we never would have met. Besides I need you around to pull my ass out of the fire."

Rodney laughed. "That works both ways."

"Now onto the serious stuff. How many movies did we score from Radek ?"

"He has about thirty once he concedes defeat." Rodney looked thoughtful. "I know he hasn't got the gene but I wonder if I could get that machine to work on him."

"Why ?"

"Because I really want to find out if his brother really did burn their house down with candles."

"Maybe we can threaten him with it if he doesn't pony up."

Rodney got up. "Oooh good idea," he said. "Let's go and find him."

"So what kind of movies does he have ?" John asked as they left.

"I don't know. Are you fussy ?"

"As long as they're not in Czech..."

oOo

Well this is not my usual story so please be kind ;)

debbie


	36. Double Trouble

**Disclaimer:** etc etc etc

Can't say much without giving too much away too soon ;)

**Double Trouble**

The land was open and grassy and rather pleasant with rolling hills.

"There's nothing here," Rodney complained again as he checked his hand held padd. "Could anything be a bigger waste of my time ?"

"We're not leaving until we find that poppy for the botany lab," John said.

"Ah that answer would be yes."

"It is a pleasant walk," Teyla said.

"Putting pleasant and walk together is a contradiction of terms," Rodney said. "There aren't even any life signs," he continued.

"There might be one less here soon," Ronon said.

"Oh don't pretend you're not bored."

"At least I don't make so much noise about it."

John stopped and turned around to face them. "Look kiddies," he said. "I don't like getting stuck with this duty any more than you do. So the sooner we find the flower the sooner we can go home, OK ?"

Teyla was looking up the hill. "Who is that ?" she asked pointing.

A young man was walking towards them.

John turned to look. "I thought you said that there weren't any lifesigns McKay," he said.

"There aren't. He isn't..." Rodney said tapping the padd.

John put on his best smile as the man approached. "Put it away, Rodney," he said quietly. Stepping forward he held out his hand which the man took briefly and then released. "I'm Colonel John Sheppard," he said. "This is Doctor Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex and Teyla Emmagan."

"Telaim," he said. "Did you come through the Ancestral Ring ?"

"Yes," John said. "We call it a Stargate."

"I see," Telaim replied. "You carry weapons."

"Just a standard procedure," John said.

"We come in peace," Teyla said. "From Atlantis."

Telaim looked interested. "Atlantis ?" he said. "Would you like to meet the rest of my people ?"

"Are they androids too ?"

"Rodney."

Telaim smiled. "Not all of us, Doctor McKay. However our creator will be happy to show you our facility."

"At last," Rodney said. "Something interesting."

oOo

When they got to the town they noticed that the buildings were all square and concrete. Hardly any decorative features whatsoever. People were walking everywhere going about their business and completely ignoring them.

"Still no life signs," Rodney said checking his padd. "They're all artificial."

Telaim turned to them and smiled as they stopped in front of the biggest building. "Wait here," he said smiling. "And I will get Father."

As he entered the building John turned to Rodney. "They aren't er replicators are they ?" he asked.

"Oh no no no," Rodney replied. "Replicators have a life sign indication of sorts. These have nothing. They're totally robotic."

A tall, heavy set, man with short cropped hair came out of the building. He was dressed in the same kind of beige jumpsuit that the androids were wearing.

"Ah," Rodney said as the man emerged. "Now he's human. Or alive anyway. This building must be shielded."

"Good day," the man said smiling. "I am Matri. Welcome to my planet."

"Er yes," John said. "We are..."

"Telaim told me of you," Matri said. "May we show you around ?"

"Sure," John said eyeing some of the prettier females. He shook his head. Hard to believe that these were robots.

"Doctor McKay," Matri said. "Is that a Doctor of medicine or science ?"

"Science. Physics actually."

"Oh so you would be particularly interested in our manufacturing process. If you'd like I could show you our laboratory while..." he beckoned towards a pretty blonde female who immediately walked towards them. "Sal Lee here shows your companions around the rest of our little facility."

Rodney looked at John with an "ooh can I go?" look. John sighed and waved his hand in a go away gesture. "That sounds good," John said.

Matri headed back into the building with Rodney following him talking rapidly in what John referred to as "science-ese". John tuned them out and turned his attention to Sal Lee who was leading them across the compound.

"This is our learning center..." she said as she walked.

oOo

It was several hours later before Rodney reappeared. He seemed subdued and was concentrating on his larger data padd.

John, Teyla and Ronon were sitting on the steps of the "learning center" waiting for him.

"Did you learn a lot ?" John asked.

"Um. Yeah. Got a lot to think about. Interesting stuff."

John waited for Rodney to elaborate and when he didn't he got up. "Well," he said. "One of the er residents gathered the poppies for us," he gestured towards a basket of yellow flowers at Teyla's feet. "So we're good to go."

Rodney started to walk towards the gate in silence still studying his data padd.

John looked at Ronon and then at Teyla. "O...K..." he said.

"I don't know what's on that padd but we need more of it," Ronon said as they reached the gate.

Rodney stood by the gate still messing with the padd.

"Rodney ?" John said.

"Hum. What ?" Rodney replied looking up.

"The gate ? ... Did you want to dial the gate ?"

"No that's fine. You can do it."

"Gee thanks," John said looking puzzled as he went over to the DHD and punched in the address. "What's in that thing anyway ?"

"Stuff," Rodney said as he stepped through the gate. "Lots of stuff."

As they entered the gateroom Rodney looked around briefly and then headed for the nearest computer terminal. He sat down at the machine without a word and started to type rapidly.

John walked across to where Rodney was sitting. "Come to the mess hall ?" he asked.

"Maybe later," Rodney said without looking up.

oOo

It was two days later before John saw Rodney again and that was only because he went to his room. He hit the door chime and waited outside the door.

Rodney opened the door. "Oh," he said looking surprised. "What are you doing here ?"

"We have an offworld mission," John said. "I need you dressed and in the gateroom in thirty minutes."

"Dressed ?"

"Yeah you know. BDU's. Equipment. Are you all right ?"

"I'm fine. Just distracted is all. I'll see you at seven," Rodney said closing the door.

John stood in the hallway for a minute before heading for the gateroom deep in thought.

oOo

It was a routine trade mission. Turn up. Let Teyla do the talking. Go home. What was not routine was how quiet Rodney was for the entire mission. Even Ronon commented on how nice it was to have some silence.

It was too quiet. John checked his LSD again as Rodney dialled the gate.

As soon as they'd stepped back into the gateroom and the event horizon shut down John pulled his sidearm from its holster.

With a final check of his Life Signs Detector John raised his weapon and shot Rodney twice in the back of his head.

There were immediate reactions from the soldiers in the room. John carefully put the gun down and raised his hands above his head as every marine in the room raised their weapon at him.

Elizabeth looked horrified and Carson came running down the stairs, his white lab coat flapping behind him as he moved.

"What the hell are ya doin' ?" he said as he rushed to Rodney's side.

"It's OK Doc," John said as Ronon held him. "He's not human. It's an android."

Carson checked the body. Instead of brain matter spilling out of the wound there were wires. Sparks flew and a small plume of smoke curled up from the hole. "He's right," Carson said standing up and facing John. "Let him go, this isn't Rodney. What's going on, Colonel ?"

"Rodney's been acting strange since he left with Matri," John said rubbing his arms where Ronon had gripped him and picking his gun up off the floor. "He wouldn't dial the gate back to Atlantis and I had Radek check on what he's been doing and it turns out that he'd spent the last two days checking out gate addresses in the database along with lots of data on the city. So I figured that the reason that he wouldn't dial Atlantis was that he didn't know the address at that time. A check with the LSD confirmed it."

"So did ya have ta shoot it like that ?" Carson said. "I nearly had a heart attack."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to take a chance on it returning to P47913 with all that information or finding a way to transmit the data back."

"So that is why Doctor McKay was so quiet," Teyla said.

"Knew it was too good to be true," Ronon said.

"Get ready to go, Carson," John said. "We've got a Physicist to rescue."

oOo

About an hour later John and the team approached the facilty on P47913. Everything seemed much the same as it had been two days earlier. Matri came out to meet them.

"Good day," he said. "Where is Doctor McKay ? I have some more information to share."

"That's a good question," John said his hand resting lightly on his P90. "Your Doctor McKay is er indisposed. We want our Doctor McKay back. The one that we came with last time and didn't leave with."

"I don't understand."

"Oh I think you do, Matri," John said looking serious. "I'm gonna make it real simple for you. This is Doctor Carson Beckett. Doctor Beckett is a medical Doctor. Doctor McKay had better not need the services of Doctor Beckett. Am I making myself clear ?"

"I assure you that he is not here."

"OK. Let me put it this way," John said as the androids stopped and stared. "There is a cloaked jumper hovering just above us. It contains a rather large EM generator that Doctor Radek Zalenka, he's another physicist by the way, assures me is powerful enough to fry the electronic brains of every one of your creations." John stepped forward. "So unless you want to go into the scrap metal business I suggest that you take us to Doctor McKay." John moved up until he was just inches from Matri. "So do you take us to him or do we set off an EM pulse and then go and find him ?"

Matri swallowed hard. He looked up above their heads and then back down at John.

John tapped his radio. "Decloak please, Major," he said.

"Yes, sir," Major Lorne replied.

The jumper materialized over their heads.

"I don't bluff," John said.

Without a word Matri turned and walked into the building. "Give us ten minutes," John said as he and Carson followed. Ronon nodded and waited outside with Teyla.

Matri led them to an elevator and wordlessly took them down to a large basement. At the far end was a prison cell guarded by a force field. Rodney lay unconscious on a cot in the cell. Matri punched a code into the door control and the force field switched off. Carson ran in to check on Rodney.

"What was your plan ?" John asked. "To steal the information and then switch them back without anyone realizing ?"

Matri nodded. "The duplicate was to return and then we would change them back. He is asleep is all."

"How is he, Carson ?"

"It's just as well we got here when we did," Carson said rolling up the sleeve of the jumpsuit that Rodney was now wearing and giving him a shot. "He's been sedated for so long that his blood sugar is way too low. He was comatose."

"Will he be OK ?"

"Aye. He'll be awake in just a few moments. One thing with hypoglycemia it's really easy to treat as long as ya get to the patient in time. Just give him glucose and wait a couple of minutes. Like putting fuel in a car."

Rodney opened his eyes and looked around, confused. "Carson ?" he said as Carson helped him to sit up. "What happened ?"

"It's a long story, Rodney," John said. "And I'm sorry I had to kill you."

"What ?"

"Come on," Carson said. "I'll explain later."

oOo

A couple of days later they sat in the conference room waiting for Elizabeth. Rodney was sitting holding a large mug of black coffee and looking thoughtful.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen, Teyla," Elizabeth said as she came in and sat down at the head of the table. "How are you doing, Rodney ?" she added smiling.

Rodney looked up. "Well apart from having no memory of the last few days I'm good," he said. "Thanks to the team and Carson."

"You're welcome, Rodney," Carson said.

"So I understand," Elizabeth said seriously. "That when Matri found out that you were from Atlantis he decided to switch one of his creations with Rodney for the purposes of securing information from our database."

"And that after a few days the android was to return and then they'd release Doctor McKay who'd have no memory of what happened." Teyla said.

"It almost worked too," Rodney said.

"But he wasn't you, Rodney," John said.

"Too quiet for one thing," Ronon said.

"Oh...zing," Rodney said.

"That wasn't the only giveaway," John said.

"Anyhow," Rodney said. "We have one of their machines to study. Of course thanks to a couple of nine milimeter shells there isn't much left of the CPU. What was with that whole shoot him in the head bit anyway ? I watched it on the security feed. Jeeze."

"I wanted to put the thing out of commission quickly so that it couldn't transmit any of the data."

"Well you did that all right. You must've been taking lessons from Ronon. Typical military solution. A localized EM pulse would've had the same effect you know. Of course it wouldn't have been as dramatic..."

"I didn't think of that at the time. I'm sorry..."

"And it wouldn't have done as much damage..."

Elizabeth cleared her throat loudly and John and Rodney stopped and looked at her. "Thank you," she said. "What happened with Matri ?"

"Well I had Rodney disable their DHD since we could use the one on the jumper," John said.

"And I've updated the database so that we stay away from there. Not that I'll forget it in a hurry."

"I am not sure that he was that bad," Teyla said. "He did not intentionally harm Doctor McKay."

"That depends on what he intended to do with the information," Elizabeth said.

"Hum, Well we're getting quite a bit of information from the machine. Not as much as we might have mind you."

"Will you quit it Rodney."

"I hear that you took the face off it," Elizabeth said.

"Yeah well it kinda wigged me out seeing it lying on a table in the lab like that. Not to mention that the thing's anatomically correct."

"Really ?" John said. "You checked ?"

"No !" Rodney said indignantly. "Kusanagi did," he said quietly. "Without my permission I may add."

"Well you don't have to take it personally," Ronon said.

"It's kinda hard not to."

"So if the males are..." John said thoughtfully.

"Oh please," Rodney said rolling his eyes.

Elizabeth smiled as she watched them. "Oh yeah," she thought. "It's good to have our Rodney back again."

oOo

Couldn't resist a bit of fun at Rodney's expense.  
I bet every lab tech in the city went by for a look at that thing don't you ?  
(I would have ;) )

love some reviews  
debbie


	37. Wounded Hero

**Disclaimer:** Whatever

OK Time for a short break from the machines & the hypogycemia. Sorry Rodney but in this one you're gonna bleed...

**Wounded Hero.**

"This is yet another complete and utterly colossal waste of time," Rodney complained.

"Well you were the one that wanted to check out the facility," John said. "Even Radek..."

"Don't bring Zalenka into this."

"You don't want to hear him gloat do you," Ronon said.

"Look. How was I supposed to know that the zed p m was fried and that you couldn't park closer than a moonshot from the place ?"

"It is only about five miles," Teyla pointed out.

"Uphill...Through jungle..."

"Forest," John said.

"Same difference," Rodney replied letting go of a branch that Ronon had moved aside for him.

With a sudden swish the branch whipped behind him. There was sickening thud and Rodney turned suddenly as Teyla fell. The branch had caught her on the right temple and she dropped to the ground, unconscious.

"Oh my God," Rodney said wide-eyed. "Teyla !"

John and Ronon pushed past him to get to her side. "Rodney," John said.

"I'm sorry," Rodney was saying. "I didn't realize that it would fly back like that. Is she OK ?"

John had knelt down next to her. "She's out cold, Rodney," he said checking her eyes.

Rodney looked nervously at Ronon who was looking murderous. "I'm sorry," he stammered. "It was an accident..."

John pointed up ahead of them. "There's a cave up there," he said. "Let's get her into some shelter."

Ronon picked Teyla up without a word and started walking up the slope.

"I'm sorry," Rodney said again.

"I know," John said patting him on the arm as he passed.

Ronon carefully laid Teyla down inside the cave. Rodney took off his tac vest, put his laptop aside, and slipped the vest underneath Teyla's head as a makeshift pillow. He pulled a blanket from the pack and gently covered her.

Ronon just watched in silence.

John slapped Ronon lightly on the arm. "Look," he said. "They're not expecting us back at Atlantis until tomorrow and I'd rather not eat MREs so what say we go and kill something, apart from Rodney."

Ronon turned and walked out of the cave.

John looked at Rodney who was kneeling by Teyla with a cloth and water bottle in his hand. "He'll be OK," John said. "And so will Teyla." He followed Ronon outside as Rodney poured water on the cloth and placed it on Teyla's forehead.

Rodney sat watching Teyla breathe. "Well done, genius," he thought. "Whack your team mate with a stick. How intelligent is that ?"

Teyla started to stir slightly. "Thank God," Rodney said quietly. "Easy," he said putting his hand gently on her shoulder.

As he sat quietly waiting for the others to return Rodney was suddenly aware of a strange noise coming from the back of the cave. He turned slowly and peered into the shadows.

The deep growl got louder as the large cougar-like animal stealthily stepped forward watching him intently.

"Oh no no no no no," Rodney said facing the animal. He was in a sitting position between Teyla and the cat and he got to a crouch. "Nice kitty..." he said fumbling for his sidearm with his right hand and reaching forward with his left.

The cat stepped slowly forward, it's amber eyes unblinking as it stared at him.

Rodney freed his gun from it's holster and pointed it at the animal but his shaking got the better of him and his shot missed by several inches as the big cat pounced.

Several yards away, walking through the trees, both John and Ronon froze in place as they heard the shot. Dropping the rabbits that they'd caught they ran towards the cave.

oOo

Without any time to take another shot Rodney dropped the gun and threw himself across Teyla covering her with his body. Although he tried not to he cried out in pain as the animal landed on his back driving the breath from him. Everything became a blur of pain and blood as the animal sank it's teeth into Rodney's left shoulder and raked him with it's claws. He was rapidly losing consciousness and was only vaguely aware of the flash from Ronon's blaster and the noise of John's P90.

"Ah..." Rodney said as John touched him lightly on his right shoulder.

"Rodney ?" John said moving him slightly so that Teyla, who had regained consciousness, could slip out from under him.

Rodney winced in pain. Blood was streaming down the right side of his face from a deep cut by his eye. His shirt was sliced in several places and there were deep cuts across his back and arm where the cat's claws had dug in. Blood was soaking into his shirt from the bite wound. "Teyla ?" he said weakly.

"She's fine, Rodney," John said getting bandages out of his pockets. "Thanks to you the cat didn't get to her."

Ronon stood looking down at the ground. "The tracks were there," he said. "But I was too angry to check. "He looked across at Teyla who was getting more bandages and water from the pack. She stood up facing him. She was covered in blood. Rodney's blood.

"There is nothing to be gained by standing there feeling guilt about what has happened," Teyla said. "I suggest that you build a fire. It will be dark soon."

Ronon nodded and left to gather firewood.

Teyla passed another bandage to John. "What happened ?" she asked. "I was watching the sunset and then..."

John looked up briefly and then continued doing what he could to staunch the flow of blood from the wound on Rodney's shoulder. "You were hit by a branch that Rodney let go of," John said. "Knocked you cold. We brought you up to this cave. I guess we forgot to check for previous occupants," he added glancing at the body of the giant cat.

"He put himself between me and the animal," Teyla said.

"Yeah," John said as he wrapped a bandage around Rodney's arm. "Now we've got to keep him alive until it's light enough to travel to the jumper."

"Perhaps one of us could walk ahead and radio for Carson ?"

"As a last resort," John said. "The terrain is treacherous at night, there are probably more of those cats around and," he looked up at her as he covered Rodney with the blanket. "As badly as this mission has gone so far I'm reluctant to split us up. Bad Karma."

Teyla looked at him with a puzzled expression but before she could ask Ronon returned with an armful of firewood. "There are lots of cat tracks out there and I could hear 'em," he said. "Looks like they come out after dark. It's getting too dangerous to travel."

"Looks like we're here for the night," John said as Ronon started a fire.

oOo

John sat by the fire quietly eating a power bar as Ronon sat next to him and Teyla sat behind them next to Rodney.

"I was so angry," Ronon said. "I didn't do the basic checks. It was stupid," he said punching a nearby tree. "They could've both been killed."

"We both missed it," John said. "Checking out an area before you leave your wounded there is kinda basic." He got up and moved back to Teyla. "How is he ?" he asked.

"He is very weak," she said. "He has lost a lot of blood. Also I fear that he is starting to run a fever."

"Crap !" John said. "Just a few more hours, Rodney," he said quietly. "Just until morning." He placed his hand briefly on Rodney's shoulder. "If you need a break, Teyla, I'll keep watch for a while."

"I am fine, John," Teyla said moving her hair away from the welt above her eye. Dried blood covered the front of her uniform.

"You don't look fine," John pointed out.

Teyla looked serious. "He gave his blood to protect me," she said. "I will not leave his side."

oOo

It was a long night. Neither Teyla or Ronon spoke and Rodney was unconscious. None of them even thought about sleeping. The cats stayed away from the fire that Ronon had built in the entrance although they could hear them in the distance.

John sat by the fire opposite Ronon and watched as the sun started to rise. "As soon as it gets light," he thought. "We can go home." He got up and moved over to where the pack lay. Pulling out the canvas stretcher he then picked up Rodney's laptop and sidearm and slipped them inside. "We just need a couple of poles for the stretcher," he said. "And then we can get out of here. Frankly I've had enough of this place."

"Right," Ronon said getting up and going out into the forest.

It wasn't quite daylight yet but John wasn't concerned about Ronon. The mood that he was in the cats had better watch out however.

oOo

"Offworld activation," Chuck said. "Major Sheppard's IDC."

"Drop the shield," Elizabeth said routinely.

"He's requesting that Doctor Beckett meet them in the gateroom."

Elizabeth nodded looking worried.

Carson entered the gateroom and met them as the jumper emerged from the event horizon and landed. John opened the back door and Carson ran inside. "Oh my God," he said. "Rodney ? Teyla ?" He tapped his radio as he checked Rodney who was on the stretcher on the seat in the back of the jumper. "I need a gurney, stat !" he said. "Are you OK ?" he said glancing at Teyla.

"It is not my blood, Doctor," Teyla replied.

"What happened ? Was he attacked by an animal ?"

"Something like that," John said as a couple of medics wheeled a gurney into the back of the jumper.

"Put the stretcher on the gurney," Carson said. "I need to get him to the Infirmary. You too," he said pointing towards Teyla.

"I am fine Doctor Beckett. Please attend to Doctor McKay."

"I will lassie," Carson said heading towards the Infirmary. "But I want a nurse to check you out."

"I'll make sure she gets there," John said looking up at Elizabeth who was watching from the top of the stairs. He nodded in her direction acknowledging that he would be right there to meet with her.

Ronon watched Carson leave and then turned and walked out of the gateroom without saying a word.

"Ronon !" John said.

"I will go after him," Teyla said walking away.

"Teyla !"

"And then I will see Doctor Beckett," she called back.

John found himself standing alone in front of the gate as a marine came forward to park the jumper. With a sigh he climbed the stairs to meet with Elizabeth.

oOo

A few days later Rodney was sitting up in the Infirmary bed talking with John and Teyla. He was heavily bandaged from his waist to his shoulders and an IV dripped slowly into his left hand. He had pillows wedged behind him and was concentrating on not leaning back.

"I am so sorry," he was saying. "I wasn't thinking..."

"Rodney," Teyla said gently. "You saved my life. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"If I hadn't whacked you with that stick we wouldn't have been in that cave in the first place."

"It was an accident, Rodney," John said. "Even geniuses can have blonde moments. Present company excluded," he said smiling at a blonde haired nurse who was walking past.

"Hum. That doesn't make me feel much better about it."

"What about me ?" John said. "I left you two alone in a cave with a giant cougar. You're not the only one who feels like crap right now."

"Yeah. I'm sorry too."

"Ronon.." Rodney said smiling as the Satedan walked up to the side of the bed.

"No one has anything to apologize for," Teyla said. "Mistakes are to learn from."

"Well then I guess Rodney's not the only genius around here," John said.

oOo

There we go. Doctor McKay, astrophysicist and hero ;)  
Although I grant that Teyla probably wouldn't have been caught out like that I do recall in the series that Ronon was floored (by Teyla) when he wasn't expecting it so I figure it could be that she wasn't paying attention (little dramatic license ??)

Hope you enjoyed it and as always love some reviews :D

Debbie


	38. Tempting Fate

**Disclaimer: **Whatever

**Tempting Fate**

It had been raining for most of the time that they had been on P79Z38. They had tried to take shelter in one of the many caves but John came to the conclusion that unless they were planning to stay for days the rain just wasn't going to stop.

Add to that that the possible "ZPM factory" that Radek Zalenka had discovered turned out to be empty both of ZPMs and information and it was no surprise that Rodney was in full gripe mode as they trudged back to the gate.

"I cannot believe this," he was saying. They were all soaked through to the skin and water was dripping into his eyes. Rodney wiped his face with an already wet handkerchief. "I shall probably catch pneumonia. You wait until I get hold of Radek. Zed P M factory my ass. I don't know how he managed to talk me into this. I'm gonna have him cataloging crap for a month."

"Now Rodney," John said as they slogged through the mud. "You know that you were just as excited as he was about the prospect."

"That's not the point."

"Complaining will not improve our situation," Teyla said.

"I could put you out of your misery," Ronon suggested from behind him. "And us out of ours."

"Oh ha !" Rodney said. "I am so sick of this God forsaken planet. Nothing could make my life worse at this point."

"Careful Rodney," John said. "Don't go tempting fate now."

"I don't believe in fate," Rodney sniffed.

They trudged on in silence for another thirty minutes. The sky was getting darker and the wind stronger as they got closer to the gate area.

Suddenly John noticed streaks of light in the sky. "What is that ?" he asked pointing up.

Rodney squinted upwards shielding his eyes with his hand. "Meteor shower," he said. "This atmosphere's a little thin but unless they're real big they shouldn't be a prob...holy crap !"

A large meteor smacked into the ground several hundred yards away from them leaving a fiery crater in it's wake.

"Those caves !" John yelled running towards some caves to their right. "Move !"

They ran as fast as they could to the shelter of the caves. Rodney slipped and Ronon picked him up and pushed him forward into the cave.

"Thank you," Rodney said shaking mud off his hands. "I think."

John was looking outside. Dozens of the giant rocks were falling now leaving the ground scarred with giant grooves. "Wow," he said. "How long will this go on ?"

Rodney was sitting on his pack towards the back of the cave. He had got one of his boots off and was wringing water out of his sock. "Depends," he said putting his damp sock back on. "On how many there are."

John turned towards him and pulled a face. "Oh that's real profound," he said.

"Well that's what you get for asking questions that I have no possibility of answering," Rodney said tying his bootlace. "Could be minutes. Could be hours."

Ronon sat down with his back to the cave wall and Teyla sat next to him.

John sat down against the wall next to Rodney. "Do you have to do that ?" he asked as Rodney took his other boot off.

"My feet are wet," Rodney replied taking his sock off. "Ever heard of trench foot ?"

"I could've done without that image," John replied as Rodney wrung the water out of his sock.

Several minutes later the rocks stopped falling. "Think it's over ?" John asked.

Rodney just looked at him sideways as he finished tying his boot.

"Well," John said. "We'll just give it a few minutes, then."

It took them another twenty minutes to walk the remaining distance to the gate. They crested the hill and stopped in place surveying the landscape.

"Oh no no no no no no no," Rodney said moving ahead of John.

The gate had been hit by at least one of the giant meteors. It was face down and half sunk into the mud. To add to that a smaller rock had hit the DHD which had a gaping hole right through the top. Black smoke was curling out from the remnants of the machine.

Rodney looked devastated. "There is no way of repairing that," he said. "The control crystals are toast."

"I don't suppose that Atlantis could dial here ?" John said. "Radio through."

Rodney glared at him. "If the gate had landed on it's back maybe but it landed on it's front. It won't form a wormhole like that !"

"Well at least it's stopped raining," John said.

"Wonderful."

"OK," John said. "Elizabeth will try to get hold of us and when she can't she'll send the Daedalus. We've got supplies. There's plenty of water.."

"I'll say."

"We'll be fine, Rodney."

"The Daedalus isn't even back from earth yet. It'll be at least a week," Rodney whined.

"We need to find shelter before dark," Ronon said walking back towards the caves.

"Just think of it as camping," John said smiling and slapping Rodney on the shoulder as he walked past.

"Oh. Joy." Rodney said rolling his eyes.

oOo

They sat in the cave that they were in when the meteors fell. John had taken the pack from Rodney and was checking the supplies. "Pockets, Rodney," John said holding his hand out.

Rodney sighed and slapped two power bars and a chocolate bar into John's palm. "I'll keep the glucose tablets if that's all the same with you," he said holding a tube in his left hand.

"No problem," John replied adding the power bars and the candy to the small pile that he had in front of him. "OK. We're going have to supplement this if we're gonna last out a week so tomorrow we're have to check for wild game and berries and such."

Ronon came back with more firewood and put it next to their campfire. "There are small animal tracks in the forest," he said. "Should be able to catch somethin'."

"In the meantime," John said. "Which MRE do you want ?"

oOo

John awoke to the sound of Rodney complaining. He kept his eyes closed for a moment. "This is going to be a long week," he thought.

"How on earth do you rest on that ground ?" Rodney was saying. "My back's killing me. I can barely move. What are you doing ? No... no... ow ! "

John opened one eye and looked towards the entrance where Rodney stood still arching his back as Ronon walked away.

"Are you insane ? You could've... actually that does feel better..."

"You're welcome."

"John ?" Teyla said from beside him.

John sat up and stretched. "I'm awake," he said.

"Ronon found some eggs," she said. "And Rodney pulled a flat piece of metal from the DHD to cook them on. Breakfast will be ready soon."

"I don't suppose there's plates and toast in this dream ?"

"I have found some shells for plates," Teyla said holding up four fairly large flat shells. "But no toast."

"Hey that's better than I thought," John said walking out into the open air.

"About time you got up," Rodney said.

"And good morning to you too, Rodney," John replied. "I hear that you've already been out and about," he said pointing to the flat plate with the eggs cooking on it.

"It was either that or eat them raw," Rodney said.

"I had no problem with that," Ronon said.

"Yuk."

"Nothing like incentive," John said.

oOo

After a few days they had moved their camp to a cave that was next to the river with a large open area between the cave entrance and the water. They had also settled into a routine of sorts.

Rodney had managed to get himself banned from hunting with Ronon (too noisy), fishing with John (ditto) and berry picking with Teyla (ate too much of the fruit). So his primary job became keeping the campfire going. Rodney was actually OK with this since he didn't particularly care for, as he put it, "tramping through the forest looking for some poor little furry thing to murder" or "playing russian roulette with berries". As for fishing...

So having shaved (he had a battery operated razor which he shared with John) he sat by the campfire watching the clear water flow by. He was bored to tears. With a sigh he got up to gather more firewood.

He had walked just a few yards towards the trees when the arrow hit.

Rodney fell to his knees with an arrow in his right thigh. He cried out in pain. "Oh no not again," he said gritting his teeth. He looked around trying to see where his assailant was. Holding his leg he tried to get to his feet as another arrow hit him in his right side. As he fell to the ground everything faded to black and he was dimly aware of someone walking past him.

oOo

John and Ronon strolled back towards the camp. "Oh crap," John said. "Rodney let the fire go out."

"Figures," Ronon said.

They walked on for a few yards. "Rodney !" John said as he saw him lying on the other side of their camp.

John and Ronon pulled out their weapons and checked the perimeter. Finding no one John ran over to Rodney's side as Ronon checked for footprints.

"He's alive," John said turning Rodney onto his back and checking his eyes. "His pupils are dilated. Could be some kind of drug on these arrows."

"Four of 'em," Ronon said walking around and in and out of the cave. "Maybe five. They took everything. Packs, food, water bottles..."

"You'd better find Teyla," John said. "She doesn't know that there's anyone else here."

"Right."

Ronon soon returned with Teyla. "I do not understand," she said. "I thought that this planet was supposed to be uninhabited."

"So did I," John said as he and Ronon carried Rodney into the cave.

"By the looks of the tracks they have been watching us for some time," Ronon said.

"Waiting for an opportunity."

"We would have shared our supplies," Teyla said.

"Looks like they didn't want to share," Ronon replied.

John was bandaging Rodney's wounds with bandages from his pocket. "Well we need to find something to at least hold some water," he said. "Wish they hadn't got the first aid kit. What about Rodney's weapons ?"

"Yep they got 'em."

"I will find some more shells," Teyla said.

"Go with her," John said. "Let's stay in pairs."

Ronon nodded and followed Teyla while John stayed with Rodney.

Rodney moved and winced. He opened his eyes slightly. "John ?" he said. "What happened ?"

"You tell me," John said. "Careful. Don't try to move. We found you unconscious and the supplies are missing."

"I...I don't know," Rodney grunted in pain as he shifted position slightly. "I was going to get firewood and someone shot me."

"You've been hit twice. Stay still. We've got no blankets or anything so we're gonna have to see what we can find. It'll be at least a couple more days before the Daedalus arrives."

"Did I ever tell you that I really hate arrows ?" Rodney asked. "And camping..." he added.

"Yeah Rodney you did," John said sitting down with his back against the wall facing the cave entrance.

oOo

It was a long night. Ronon manhandled a sloping rock into the cave so that they could prop Rodney up as he was having trouble breathing when he was lying flat. Even so John spent the entire night listening as Rodney struggled to breathe. By the time that the sun rose he was tired, hungry and getting extremely cranky. He had pulled the sleeves off his shirt and Teyla was using the fabric to try and keep Rodney's fever down by soaking it in water and laying strips across his forehead. Add to that the chill of the night and they were all miserable.

"I tell ya," John said to Ronon. "If I ever catch up with those guys this planet might yet be uninhabited."

"Perhaps they had a greater need of the supplies than we do," Teyla said wringing out a piece of cloth and placing it carefully on Rodney's head. "They may have children."

Neither John nor Ronon looked particularly convinced by this argument.

"Yeah and McKay's Batman and I'm Robin," John muttered.

"They still could've asked," Ronon said.

"How long before the Daedalus will be here ?" Teyla said.

"Tonight at the earliest," John said. "That's assuming that Elizabeth called them as soon as she couldn't dial the gate."

"Rodney is getting sicker," Teyla said.

"I know, Teyla !" John said sharply holding his head in his hands. "I know," he added softly. "I'm sorry. It's just so frustrating not being able to do anything about it."

Teyla was giving Rodney sips of water and she carefully pushed one of his glucose tablets into his mouth. Rodney pulled a face but he took it without complaint. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Teyla patted him gently on his shoulder and Rodney closed his eyes.

"We are doing what we can, John," she said.

"I can take over if you need to sleep for a while," John said.

"You did not rest either."

"So no sense in both of us feeling like crap," John said getting up and walking to where Teyla was sitting on a rock by Rodney's side.

Teyla nodded and got up. "Perhaps for a short time," she said moving to the back of the cave to lay down.

"I'm going hunting," Ronon announced. "I can't just sit here."

John nodded as he soaked another strip of his shirt. "OK," he said. As Ronon left John took the cloth off Rodney's head and replaced it with the fresh one.

Rodney opened his eyes. "John ?" he said.

"Yeah. Teyla's taking a break."

"Hum. Daedalus ?"

"Soon Rodney. Maybe tonight. Hang in there."

oOo

By that evening Rodney was still getting worse. The fever hadn't broken and Rodney was barely conscious. He was wheezing, coughing and gasping for breath. Teyla was next to him and she looked worried.

"Sheppard," Ronon said standing up.

John looked up. A young man dressed in a simple tunic was approaching them. He had one of their water bottles filled with a milky liquid in his hand. John stood and raised his P90. Ronon already had his gun raised.

The man stopped several yards in front of the cave entrance.

"I am Gath," he said.

"Good for you." Sheppard kept his P90 pointed straight at the young man. "I'm not in the mood for pleasantries," he said. "You didn't leave us with anything so what do you want ?"

"My uncle is a violent man," Gath said. "I am sorry for what he did to your friend."

"Yeah. So ?" Ronon said.

"I wish to make amends," he said holding the bottle of liquid out towards them. "This is the antidote to the poison that is on the arrows." When neither John nor Ronon moved Gath put the bottle down on the ground in front of him. "I don't blame you for not trusting me," he said backing away. He turned and ran back into the forest.

They watched in silence until Gath was out of sight.

"Cover me," John said as he went and retrieved the bottle. He was half expecting an ambush but there was no movement from the surrounding forest.

"So now what ?" Ronon said holstering his weapon.

"I don't know. Teyla ?"

"Rodney is getting weaker. I fear that he may not have until morning."

"And we have no idea where the Daedalus is," John said. "They could be hours away or days."

"What if it's poison ?" Ronon said.

"They have already poisoned him," Teyla said.

John thought for a moment and then passed the bottle to Teyla who unscrewed the top and proceded to give it to Rodney.

Ronon stared a John. "I know," John said. "I'm not sure about it either."

oOo

They took turns sleeping and keeping watch and John was sitting in the cave entrance looking out. It was about four o'clock in the morning and he was propped against the wall and dozing. He was suddenly startled awake by a chirp from his radio.

"Colonel Sheppard."

John got to his feet. "Colonel Caldwell," he said. "Boy are we glad to hear from you."

Ronon, who had been asleep, sat up and looked at John who was now smiling.

"Are you ready for us to beam you up ?"

"We need to be beamed directly to the Sickbay," John said. "McKay's hurt."

"We picked up Doctor Beckett on the way. We'll see you soon. Out."

Teyla stood up as well. She too had been woken up by John talking. "I am glad that Carson is there," she said.

"Yeah," John said as a beam of bright light engulfed them and they disappeared.

oOo

Several days later Rodney was sitting up in bed in the Infirmary back on Atlantis when John came to see him. "Hey," he said smiling. He looked more like his old self and was tapping away on an open laptop.

"Does Carson know you've got that ?" John asked.

"Probably but he's not giving me any grief about it."

"How are you doing ?"

"Great. Carson's gonna let me out this afternoon so I'll probably be back on restricted duty in a couple of days."

"What is that ?" John said pointing to Rodney's laptop.

"It's a list of the odds and ends of miscellaneous crap that's been waiting for someone to catalog it in detail. I'm sending it to Zalenka's inbox."

"You're not going to let Radek forget this are you ?"

Rodney looked at him. "After what I went through on that planet ? Hell no."

"I told you not to tempt fate."

"What do you mean ?"

" Quote "Nothing could make my life worse at this point" unquote."

"I told you I don't believe in fate."

"Well apparently it believes in you."

Rodney looked at him for a moment and then shrugged and went back to adding to his list.

"Want to watch a movie tonight ? The Daedalus brought in some new ones."

"OK but nothing to do with arrows or camping."

"There's always "Lost In Space"."

oOo

Had an idea of what would happen if the gate was destroyed (like in the volcano) and they were stranded. And then they had to lose the supplies (don't want to make things too easy) and of course we all remember the theme of this particular story...  
As always I love reviews ;) (but be kind)

debbie


	39. Obsession

**Disclaimer:** whatever yada yada yada

This is a theme that has been done before noteably in the movie "Play Misty For Me". So let's try this Atlantis style ;) Hang on tight, this is going to be a rough ride.

**Obsession.**

Rodney caught up with John in the hallway. "I need your help," he said pulling him into the conference room.

"O...K..." John said as Rodney closed the door. "What's up ?"

"It's Sarah Cooper."

"That cute little brunette lab tech of yours ?"

"Yeah. She's er coming on to me."

"Really ? What do you need me for ?"

"I'm not sure what to do."

"Rodney ?"

"No no no no no no no. Look. She's been leaving cute little messages on my computer. Flowers in my room. Last night I woke up and she was in my bedroom. Just sitting in a chair watching me sleep. It was creepy."

"How'd she...?"

"She hacked in. I've changed my code three times already. Sheppard she's twenty years old and a member of my staff. This is very, very inappropriate."

"So again what do you need me for ?"

"So I think I'm going to have to transfer her back to earth."

"Couldn't you just move her to another department ?"

"That would only move the problem it wouldn't alleviate it. Anyway I need someone in here with me, for appearances sake, when I give her the news."

"In here ?" John asked.

"Yeah. She'll be here in a minute. I don't need you to do anything just be here. In case..."

"In case she accuses you of something.."

"Innappropriate. Right."

The doorbell chimed.

"Look. Here she is. Just take a seat. Please ?"

John slouched in a chair to the side as Rodney opened the door and let her in.

"Sarah," Rodney said. "Sit down, please."

"Doctor McKay," she said as she sat managing to brush against him as she passed. "What is this about ?"

Rodney sat down in front of her trying to decide where to begin. He was not used to being at a loss for words.

"Sarah," he said firmly. "I need to transfer you back to earth."

"Subtle, Rodney," John said quietly and Rodney shot him a look.

Sarah was beginning to tear up. "But...but why ?" she stammered. "I don't understand."

"Look," Rodney continued. "What has been happening..."

"Between us ?"

"Cannot be allowed to continue. It is very inappropriate with you being a member of my staff..."

"I could transfer to the Biology Department."

"And with the er age difference.."

"I don't mind."

John coughed loudly and Rodney glared at him again.

"But I do. I'm sorry. Look. The Daedalus is leaving for earth next week and I want you to be on it. In the meantime you can take the week off, with pay. I'll sign off on it. I will, of course, list this as a requested transfer and give you a good reference."

"And how will this look on my record ?"

"Oh people will just see it as a personality clash. You're not the first person who hasn't gotten along with me."

"And you won't be the last," John said smiling.

"Thank you," Rodney said glancing sideways at him.

Sarah sat silently in the chair. "This is because of last night isn't it. What if I promise..."

Rodney held his hand up. "What's done is done. I won't mention it to anyone but you have to go."

She stood up sharply and stormed out of the room.

"Well that went well," John said. "Glad she can't slam those doors."

"Hum. Thanks."

"Oh you're welcome."

oOo

That evening John was getting ready for bed when his doorbell chimed. With a sigh he went and opened the door.

"Rodney ?" he said. "What do you need ?"

Rodney looked awkward. "Can I er sleep on your couch tonight ?" he asked.

"Excuse me ?"

"Come and see," he said beckoning him up the hallway towards his own room.

John followed him and Rodney opened the door to his quarters. At least what was left of his quarters.

Everything that could be destroyed had been. Electronic equipment was smashed on the floor. What looked like syrup and ketchup had been smeared onto the carpets and walls. Pictures were torn and thrown onto the floor. Feathers were scattered everywhere from pillows that had been ripped open. And draped in the middle of the carnage was a Canadian flag that had been repeatedly sliced.

John stepped inside. "Oh my God," he said. Rodney..."

"I just don't feel like dealing with this tonight," Rodney said. "I'm tired and this looks like too much work right now."

"Who would've done this ?" John said. "Do you think Sarah...?"

"That would be my guess, yes."

"Wow. Gonna press charges ?"

"She probably hacked into the CCTV and deleted it. I would have. She had my door code so I can't prove that it was her. Look," Rodney said wearily. "Maybe she's got it out of her system. Kinda wish she hadn't torn up the photos of Jeannie and Madison though."

"Jeannie will send you replacements."

"Oh yeah I'm looking forward to that conversation. "Hey Jeannie can you send me new photos. A nutty lab tech tore up the one's that you'd signed for me"." Rodney looked around and sighed. "So. Can I sleep on your couch tonight ?"

"Sure. I'll help you clean this up tomorrow."

"Thanks."

Several hours later they were both woken up by the sound of an alarm. They ran out into the hallway. The alarm was coming from Rodney's room. Or what was left of it. Black smoke billowed out of the door as the fire supression system put out the blaze.

As they approached, with Rodney in front, Elizabeth turned to them. "Oh thank God you're all right," she said looking relieved. "We were afraid that you were in there."

Rodney looked in the door. Everything was a melted, blackened mess.

"Where were you ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well er my room got trashed earlier..."

"Why didn't you report it ?"

"It didn't seem that important and I didn't want to mess with it. Anyhow I was sleeping on Sheppard's couch."

John looked around him and surveyed the sight. "I guess we don't have to pick it up now," he said.

oOo

The next morning John and Rodney met with Elizabeth in her office.

"How are you feeling," Elizabeth said looking at Rodney.

Rodney shrugged. "It's still sinking in that my room's a melted mess and I was almost in there with it."

"Do we know what happened ?" John asked.

"Well the CCTV cameras in that area didn't record anything for some reason." John and Rodney exchanged glances as Elizabeth continued. "But according to the forensic science supervisor someone just opened the door and lobbed in a Molotov Cocktail. So would you mind telling me what happened that could motivate such an attack ?"

Rodney sat up in the chair. "I'm not exactly sure," he said. "There's this er lab tech, Sarah..."

"Is she that little brunette who brought you a cup of coffee and a muffin in the conference room the other day ?" Elizabeth asked. "She seemed like a nice girl."

Rodney nodded. "She's been er...stalking me..."

"Really ?" Elizabeth said looking surprised.

"Yeah I was amazed too," John said.

"Oh. Ha. Anyhow," Rodney continued. "I confronted her yesterday and told her that I was having her transferred back to earth."

"How did she take it ?"

"Went down like Liberace on an oil rig," John said.

"You were there ?"

"I had John sit in just in case she tried to say anything er inappropriate happened."

"That was very sensible of you, Rodney."

"Hum. Well I gave her the rest of the week off and told her to be on board the Daedalus when it leaves. And I haven't seen her since. And then after that my room got trashed."

"So young Sarah...?"

"We think so but we can't prove it," John said.

"She hacked into the CCTV system to delete the evidence," Rodney said. "It might take a while but I may be able to trace it back to her."

"OK. Have you found another room yet ?"

"Lovely little piece of real estate just a few blocks from his old room," John said grinning.

"There's an empty room inbetween my old quarters and John's room," Rodney said. "The maintenance crew are putting me a bed and some essentials in there," he added.

"OK," Elizabeth said. "Well why don't you see if you can find any evidence on the computer and John, see if you can spare a few men to see if we can find her. Discretely. We can't be sure that she's done anything."

"Right," John said as they left.

oOo

Late that evening John walked with Rodney back to their quarters.

"You don't need to walk me everywhere," Rodney said. "I'm gonna be fine."

"We're nearly neighbors right now," John said. "So it's not like I'm not going in this direction anyway."

When they got to his door Rodney opened it and they walked inside.

"Well it's not real homey," John said.

"Not yet anyways," Rodney replied. "Of course it'll be a few weeks before Jeannie can send me anything. I can print off a few pictures, of course."

"Well I've got something for you," John said reaching into his pants pocket. "A little room-warming gift," he added unfurling a full sized Canadian flag.

Rodney grinned as he took the flag and held it up. "Thank you," he said. "How did you talk Chuck out of it ?"

John smiled crookedly. "I'll get him another," he said. "I knew they'd find furniture and stuff for you but I figured that this place would need a splash of color."

"Any luck on finding Sarah ?" Rodney asked as he hung the flag up on the wall.

"Not a sign of her. Now we're not doing a city wide sweep or anything since we're trying to keep it on the QT. Can't go door to door or anything. You ?"

"Well I haven't had any success yet in tracking her on the computer. But then I knew that it wouldn't be easy. She's good that's why I hired her in the first place."

"Ronon's picking out the movie tonight."

"Oh," Rodney groaned. "So it's another Alien, Predator or barbarian type then."

"Probably. I'll catch you later."

"Yeah."

oOo

"I don't believe it," Rodney was saying as they walked back to their quarters. "A whole season of "Hercules". Where does he find this stuff ?"

"At least we only had time to watch four episodes," John said rubbing his eyes.

"We'll have to try to get him some episodes of "Xena". Then at least we'll all have something to watch." Rodney stopped at his door. "OK mom," he said wearily. "You've walked me home. Goodnight."

"And you don't even ask me in for coffee," John said smiling.

"Very funny," Rodney said punching his code into the door. "Now get out of here. I'll see you in the morning."

Rodney went inside and the door closed behind him. He waved his hand in front of the light sensor and nothing happened. The room stayed dark. "Crap," he said softly. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a pen flashlight and turned it on.

Rodney was briefly aware of the flash of a reflection from the knife blade just before Sarah plunged it deep into his chest. He staggered and fell backwards onto the floor with Sarah on top of him. Sarah pulled the knife out and Rodney reached up desperately grabbing her wrist in an attempt to stop her from knifing him again. He felt himself weakening as blood gushed up into his throat. "Sarah," he said coughing up blood. "Please..."

"If you won't be with me you won't be with anybody," Sarah hissed and she hit him in the face with the heel of her left hand.

Rodney flinched as she broke his nose and more blood flowed, relaxing his grip on her wrist. She responded by driving the knife back down into his chest, just to the right of the previous wound.

Rodney reached up and pushed his radio. "Sheppard," he gasped. "John...help...me..."

Sarah pulled the knife out and changed it from her right hand to her left as Rodney, who was rapidly getting weaker, tried to block her wrist.

The door opened and light spilled in from the hallway. John stepped in just as Sarah plunged the knife in up to it's hilt in Rodney's right side.

John rapidley assessed the situation and, stepping forward, he hit Sarah sharply on the side of her head knocking her out cold. He tried the light sensor and when it didn't work he ran to the sensor on the other side of the room and turned on the light.

He tapped his radio as he moved back to Rodney's side. "Carson ? I have a medical emergency in Rodney's quarters I need a medical team here fast. Security I need a detail to Doctor McKay's quarters."

John knelt next to Rodney who was unconscious. There was so much blood. Blood was soaking through his shirt and pooling on the floor underneath him from the wound to his side. Blood was trickling down his face from his nose and dribbling from the corner of his mouth. "Hang on, Rodney," John said feeling helpless. "Carson's coming. Just hang on."

Carson rushed through the door with a full medical team behind him and John stepped back as Carson barked orders at his staff. "Oh my God. Get some pressure bandages over here. Give me that IV. I'm gonna need to intubate, get some oxygen on him. Stat. Get the gurney over here..."

As Carson was busy with Rodney John watched the security team pick Sarah Cooper up from the floor. She looked dazed. "Take her to the brig," John said. The two marines nodded and pulled her outside.

People were gathering in the hallway as word travelled about the attack. "Get back," Carson was yelling from the front of the gurney. "Coming through. Clear the way please..."

It was at this moment that Sarah stomped her heel down on the shins of the marine holding her. As he loosened his grip she slipped away through the crowd. Hindered by the people the marines broke free but there was no sign of her. She had disappeared into the city.

oOo

Rodney was in critical condition and it was hours before Carson emerged from the operating room and came out to the waiting room where John, Ronon, Teyla and Elizabeth were standing in silence.

"How is he, Carson ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well," Carson said sighing. "She damn near killed him. It's just as well medical assistance was so close or he'd be dead. He's extremely critical and there's always the risk of infection..."

"Doc..." John said.

"The next twenty four hours are crucial. He's a long way from being out of the woods yet. Right now he's alive and if you'll excuse me I'm gonna try to keep him that way."

They watched as Carson walked back into the back of the Infirmary.

"How is the search for Sarah going ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Slowly," John said. "I've got marines going door to door and sweeping the city but it's a large area to cover with a relatively small detail."

"I want a guard on the Infirmary until she's found."

"I'll do it," Ronon said.

"We'll cover it," John added.

"Keep me informed," Elizabeth said as she turned and left.

oOo

It was several days later before Rodney was well enough to have any visitors. He had been unconscious for a full three days after the attack.

"Just for a few minutes," Carson said pulling the curtain back. "He's still extremely weak."

John had never seen Rodney look so pale. A bandage was across his face and dark bruises had formed under each of his eyes, stark against the pallor of his skin. There were also bandages visible beneath the white hospital shirt that he wore. Monitors surrounded him and the steady beep was loud in the quiet of Carson's intensive care area. An IV dripped steadily into his left hand.

"Hey Rodney," John said.

Rodney opened his eyes slightly. He smiled and winced. "Hey," he said.

They stood looking awkward for a few moments. "Thought we were gonna lose you there, buddy," John said. "Quit scaring us like that."

"Hum...Sarah ?"

"We er found her in the water by the North Pier," John said. "Looks like she threw herself off the tower."

"So senseless," Rodney said quietly. "Such a waste. She had...a brilliant mind..."

"We got with the cleaning crews," John said.

"And we have cleaned your old quarters," Teyla said smiling. "It will be ready for you when Carson releases you."

"Thank you," Rodney said.

Carson came back towards them. "Ya need to let him rest now," he said.

As they moved away Ronon patted the bottom of the bed. "I've saved the "Hercules" episodes for you, McKay," he said grinning.

"Oh," Rodney said as they left. "Wonderful."

oOo

Well there we go.  
As always I love reviews.

debbie


	40. The Zombie Master

**Disclaimer: **Do I really need to rub this in every time??

I had a suggestion from Highonstargate for a zombie story so here goes. I'm not sure that this is exactly what they had in mind but I had fun with it and I hope that you do too. The original "working" title for this was Halloween Havoc but it takes place a couple of months before Halloween and never really made it there so it's now...

**The Zombie Master.**

Rodney was sitting in his quarters relaxing, tapping away on his laptop, when his doorbell chimed. He stopped what he was doing and sighed. Getting up he strolled over and opened the door.

Standing in his doorway was a dark robed figure with it's arms raised towards him. It had a wraith-like face only with long dark hair.

"Oh my God," Rodney said. Staggering back he tripped over his chair and landed in a heap on the floor. He was still trying to back away from the door when he noticed that the creature was standing in his doorway, hands on hips and laughing...

Rodney slowly got up off the floor. "I know that voice," he said. "Sheppard ?"

John pulled the mask and wig off as Rodney stared at him. "You should have seen your face," he said choking up with laughter. "It was priceless."

Rodney was glad that there was no CCTV in his room. No embarrassing computer logs flying around thank you very much. He stood with his arms crossed and glared at John in silence until John's laughter had subsided.

"You do realize, Colonel," Rodney said. "That Halloween is a full two months away. Where did you get that thing anyway?"

"One of the marine squads found a box of assorted stuff in the west side of the city. Most of it was electronic bits and pieces which is sitting in your lab by the way. Anyway this was in the bottom of the box. Pretty cool, huh," John said fanning the robe out to show it off.

Now that Rodney got a good look at it he noticed that it shimmered in the light. Rodney fingered the edge of the material. "That feels strange," he said. "And I don't understand why the ancients would have a Halloween costume. Are you sure that it doesn't do anything ?"

"Hasn't so far," John grinned. "Spooked a few people though."

Rodney looked at him. "Oh don't tell me you're planning to do a Halloween party," he said.

"Why not ? It'll be fun. We've still got time to get costumes shipped in on the Daedalus. Of course I'll be outshining everyone in this. Didn't you ever do Halloween Rodney ?"

"My father didn't approve. Jeannie dressed up once as a fairy or an angel or something. He told her that it was "ridiculous and incredibly inane". She cried for two days."

"Now Teyla we could dress as anything and she'd look great." John mused a thoughtful look on his face.

"What about Ronon ?"

"Conon," John said. "Definately Conon."

"Well he wouldn't need an outfit just give him an axe. Reckon Elizabeth will go for it ?"

"I could probably persuade her," John said grinning.

"Well let me know what time it is," Rodney said. "So that I can arrange to be working," he added.

"Ah come on Rodney. You'd make a great wizard."

"How about a pissed off astrophysicist ?"

"I think you're overqualified for that one."

"Funny. Now out. I'm busy." Rodney picked up the mask and wig where John had put them on a table. "And take your hair with you."

oOo

The next evening Rodney was walking down a deserted hallway just before midnight. He had just solved a problem that had been irritating him for days and was entering the data on his padd as he walked. He turned a corner and stopped as the "zombie master" as John had dubbed it stood in the middle of the hall blocking his path.

"Oh come on, Colonel," Rodney sighed. "This is just too childish." He started to push his way past.

It grabbed Rodney by the throat with a gloved hand. Rodney dropped his padd and grabbed it's wrist trying to break it's grip. It's fingers were like steel and Rodney felt himself starting to black out as his brain was starved of oxygen. He tapped his radio but he wasn't getting enough air to speak. Spots danced before his eyes and then he found himself being flung across the hallway. He hit the wall with a sickening thud and slid to the floor, unconscious.

oOo

John came running into the Infirmary. "What happened ?" he asked Carson.

"I don't rightly know," Carson replied. "He was found in the hallway on the west side of the city." Carson pulled the curtain back so that John could see him.

Rodney was unconscious and hooked up to a ventilator.

"All that I know for certain is that somebody tried to strangle him. See those contusions on his neck," Carson said pointing. "Whoever did this was big and incredibly strong. The bruising shows that the assailant only used one hand."

"Is he gonna be OK ?" John asked.

"I've got him sedated so that I can keep him on the ventilator for a day or so to give his throat a chance to heal. He also has a mild concussion from where he hit the wall. But aye, he'll be fine."

"Can I talk to him ?"

"Not 'til I get him off the ventilator ya can't," Carson said. "Come back in a couple of days."

oOo

When John came back to see him a couple of days later he found Rodney sitting up in bed tapping on his laptop and concentrating on the screen.

"He's doing very well," Carson said letting John through. "Don't overdo it, Rodney," he added as he left.

Rodney raised a hand to acknowledge Carson and then waved briefly at John.

"So what happened ? Who attacked you ?"

"Not who," Rodney whispered. "What."

"What ?"

"Precisely. That costume you found isn't a costume. I've found it in the database."

"So what is it ?" John asked.

"It was built to infiltrate a hive ship or facility and destroy it from the inside. It's very ingenius," Rodney said taking a drink of water. "Someone with the ATA gene puts on the outfit which activates it. Then when he takes it off the outfit takes on a life of it's own. The person who activates it can then control it over vast distances."

"So I can control that thing ?"

"In theory if you were a little more er enlightened and had a few years of training. Uh oh," Rodney said as he continued to read.

"What ?"

Rodney looked up at John his blue eyes wide. "If it's not immediately controlled it goes rogue and attacks anyone who comes close to it."

"So how do we kill it ?"

"I don't think we can."

"Rodney..."

"Let me read. Just a minute."

"And why doesn't it look like a wraith then ?"

Rodney waved his hand as he spoke, still reading. "You can change the appearance however you want," he whispered. "Oh here it is. There's er some kind of remote control thing. It activates when you're about ten feet away from the thing and then you can um turn it off."

"Why didn't the ancients use these things then ?"

"They're difficult to control. Only a handful of the ancients could do it at all so it wasn't practical. Look. We need that remote. And I bet I know where it is."

oOo

After about half an hour of arguing with Carson Rodney was dressed and walking with John back to his lab.

"Slow down," John said. "I promised Carson that you wouldn't overdo it."

"I'm doing fine," Rodney said chewing on a hard candy. His voice was at least above a whisper now. "I bet that remote's in that box of stuff that they left in the lab. I only hope that no one's started logging it yet."

When they walked into the lab the box was where the marines had left it. Rodney pulled the box over to a table and upended it spilling its contents out in front of them.

"So what are we looking for ?" John asked.

"No idea," Rodney said. "Only that it fits in your hand."

"Great..."

They sorted through the various objects and Rodney separated about a dozen things that could be the remote.

"So how do we know which one it is ?" John asked rubbing a hand through his hair.

"Well according to the database you have to hold it in the palm of your hand and then it activates when you're about ten feet from the er zombie thing."

"That's awfully close, Rodney."

"Yeah and since I don't know which one it is you'll have to try each one one at a time."

"We will."

"When did I become part of this expedition ?"

"I need you."

"Why ?"

"In case it doesn't work. That's what you do Rodney. Fix problems when stuff doesn't work."

"Wonderful."

oOo

John and Rodney were checking the hallways on the west side of the city. Elizabeth had confined all non essential personnel in that area to their quarters and made an announcement so that if anyone saw it they'd call John.

"So what is it made of ?" John asked. "Nanites ?"

"Nope," Rodney said looking around nervously. "This was made before they came up with the Replicators. Pity because then our ARWs would work on it."

"Could an Anti Replicator Weapon work anyway ?"

"Uh. No. Those things are very specific. They only affect nanites." Rodney peered around the corner. "This is ridiculous. That thing could be anywhere."

"Well so far it's only been seen in this area. Near where the box was found." John said.

"Maybe there's something there that's attracting it."

"Like what ?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's got a girlfriend."

"I hope not," John said as they approached the lab where the box had been found. John cautiously opened the door and Rodney followed looking behind them as they went. John waved his hand in front of the sensor and the light came on.

The creature was in the corner of the room and it turned slowly to face them.

"Oh crap," John said. "This is creepy."

It stayed still as he got to within ten feet of it. Rodney removed the remotes from a bag he was carrying one at a time and handed them to John. John held each one in his hand for a moment and then discarded them on a table.

"This isn't working, Rodney," he said.

"That's what I was afraid of," Rodney said. "Hopefully it's in this room somewhere. Look. There's another box over there behind it. Draw it away so that I can check it out."

"How do I do that ?"

"I don't know. Talk to it."

"It doesn't seem like the chatty type."

"Then go towards it. Maybe it will follow you."

"I'm not sure that I want it to follow me."

"Well do something. That's what you do," Rodney added.

John glanced over at Rodney and then walked to his left. The creature turned to watch him but didn't move away from the corner. John moved closer but it still didn't move.

"Maybe you have to provoke it," Rodney said.

John pulled a face. "Is that why it attacked you ?" he asked.

"I thought that it was you and I shoved it aside."

"Great..."

John went slowly forward and pushed it. As soon as he did the thing attacked, going for his throat. John was forced back against the wall. "Hurry..." he croaked as it tightened it's grip. He could feel himself already starting to black out.

Rodney made a dive for the box that was on the floor. As he started to lift objects out of it the creature seemingly noticed what he was doing. It dropped John in a crumpled heap on the floor and turned to face Rodney.

"Oh...crap..." Rodney said rummaging through the box. He felt the creature grab him by the back of his neck. It was increasing the pressure and Rodney winced as he grabbed a small square object in the bottom of the box. The creature started to pull him to his feet, cutting blood flow to his brain with its fingers. Then the box lit up as Rodney positioned it in his palm. An orange light glowed in the middle and Rodney pushed the screen as everything faded to black...

oOo

Rodney opened his eyes slowly. His head was throbbing and he felt queasy.

"About time you woke up," someone said quietly to his left hand side.

Rodney turned his head. John was propped up in the bed next to him. He had a nasal canula on and an IV attached to his hand. He waved and Rodney waved back weakly.

Rodney had a matching canula and IV and a bandage wrapped around his neck. "Did we ? Is it ?" Rodney asked his voice suprisingly clear.

"Yeah. When you found the remote," John whispered. "It just collapsed back into a costume. It was really weird."

"You OK ?"

"Yeah Carson says that I won't be able to talk real well for a couple of days. You ?"

"Neck hurts," Rodney said swallowing.

"You know what," John said looking across at him. "I think I'll stick to Christmas. It's safer."

"Good idea," Rodney said sleepily.

oOo

Well I hope that it was just a little bit different ;D  
Hope you liked it. Love some reviews.

Debbie  
Thanks again to Highonstargate for the inspiration.


	41. Little John

**Disclaimer:** yada yada yada

This is in response to a challenge fromTenshi of light 21 to make John a kid & thereby bugging our Rodney. (Since we all know how much he loves children). It was awfully tempting to have him accidently shoot Rodney or something but I decided to go for a more campy feel (something I don't normally do). So I beg for your mercy and here's my effort. Enjoy...

**Little John.**

Rodney had just laid down to sleep when his radio chirped. He sighed and picked it up off the nightstand. "McKay," he said.

"Rodney ?" Zelenka replied. "We have a problem."

Fortunately Rodney hadn't bothered to change clothes. He was so tired that he had just flopped straight down onto the bed. He walked back to the lab rubbing his eyes. "OK, Radek," he said as he opened the door. "This had better not be something trivial."

Radek moved to the side. Sitting in Rodney's chair, his feet a full foot from the floor, was a young boy. He looked to be about six or seven years old. He was dressed in a black shirt that was way too big for him and he had shaggy dark hair which kind of stuck up at the front. He was grinning from ear to ear and kicking his feet. "Hi Rodney," he said cheerfully. "Have you come to play ?"

oOo

"What the hell ?" Not very profound but it was the only thing that came to Rodney's mind. "Get that kid out of my chair. Who's is he anyway ?"

Radek Zelenka looked extremely awkward. "This is Colonel Sheppard," he said.

"John's got a son ? Who's the mother ?"

"No no you don't understand. This _is_ John Sheppard." Radek stressed the "is".

Rodney stood in silence for a moment and looked from Zelenka to the boy and then back again. He covered his eyes with his right hand and crossed his left arm across his body. He stood that way for a moment and then moved his hand down so that he could see. "What happened ?" he asked quietly.

"We were in the new lab that we just found..."

"Short version, Radek. I haven't slept in two days."

"John sat in the chair of that dormant machine in the corner and it turned on."

"Oh why did you let him do that ?" Rodney complained.

"He sat down before we realized what he was doing."

"Crap !"

"Ooooh you said a bad word," John said.

Rodney glared at him but refrained from comment. Not that he hadn't thought of one, of course. "Ok," he said reaching towards Radek and clicking his fingers. "Give me the padd. Let's take a look at it." He started to go out of the door and then realized that young John was following him. "Where are you going ?" he asked.

"With you, uncle Rodney," he said looking up.

"I'm not your..." Rodney sighed. "Fine. I probably need you there in case I can easily reverse this anyway." He walked out towards the old lab, already checking out the data padd, with John and Zelenka following him. "And someone find him some clothes that fit," he called back.

oOo

Rodney was busy examining the machine leaning on it and studying data with his laptop open on the panel. John sat quietly on the floor next to him. A little too quietly...

"OK," Rodney said to Zelenka who was standing to his left. "I see what this is and what we need to do but we have to work quickly."

"We need to advise Elizabeth."

"Right," Rodney said. He turned to head towards Elizabeth's office and fell flat on his face. He lay prone for a moment as John started to giggle. "One snicker out of you, Radek," Rodney said. "And you'll be cataloging crap for a month." He pushed himself to a sitting position and turned to untie the laces to his boots that John had tied together. He glared at John. "So you think that's funny, huh ?"

John was still giggling but when he saw Rodney glaring at him he stopped. He was still smiling however.

Rodney looked up at the CCTV camera in the corner. "Great," he thought. "That'll end up on the Christmas DVD."

Having retied his boots Rodney got to his feet. "Come on," he said to John. "And stay where I can see you. Quiet Radek," he added as they went to see Elizabeth.

Rodney stood in front of Elizabeth's desk as John sat in the chair rearranging the wooden fruit in a bowl on her desk.

"OK," Rodney said. "The idea behind the machine is that if you had trouble ascending in your alloted lifespan as it were you could make yourself younger and thereby give yourself more time to learn the necessary disciplines. The trouble is that it didn't work."

"Oh I don't know about that," Elizabeth said looking at John.

"Oh you get younger all right. The problem is that you don't remember what you learned. Seven year old body. Seven year old mind. So there was no advantage. You just get to go through puberty again."

"Is it reversible ?"

"I think so but I have to work quickly. If it isn't reversed within twenty four hours the change is permanent. When the ancients tried it they waited too long and the kid had to grow up twice."

"Do you need anything ?"

"Just leave me alone. Radek can get anything that I need."

Elizabeth nodded. "Get to it, then," she said.

Rodney and Radek left to go back to the lab. A moment later Radek came back. "Come on, John," he said.

oOo

About an hour later Rodney was sprawled on his back underneath the machine pulling crystals out and placing them next to him, being careful to keep them in precise order.

John was sitting on the floor playing with a model plane that Radek had borrowed from Major Lorne.

Radek was monitoring the data scrolling across the laptop as Rodney worked underneath. "Nothing has changed yet, Rodney," he said. "The polarity is the same."

"I know, I know. I'm getting there. They must've built these machines from the inside out as easy as anything is to get to. Honestly you have to be five years old to reach into...John come here."

John put the plane down and ran across to Rodney flinging himself on top of him. "Can I help ?" he said excitedly. "Can I ? Can I ? Please...?"

Rodney was gasping for breath. "Get...off...me..." he said.

John moved to the side. "Sorry," he said eyes twinkling.

Rodney directed his flashlight beam up inside the machine. "See that green crystal ?" he said pointing with his left hand.

John climbed across Rodney and looked up. "Yeah," he said.

"OK. Can you reach up there and pull it out ?"

"OK." John trod on Rodney's chest. Rodney winced as John pulled the crystal out and sat on him, grinning.

"OK," Rodney said painfully. "See that red crystal ?"

"Uh huh."

"Pull that one out too. Ok give it here. Good. Now put this green one where the red one was. Yes there. Ok now the red one...Fine. OK. Get down. Did that do anything ?"

"No change," Radek said.

Rodney got up to look at the screen. "Oh that's not possible," he said tapping on the keyboard. "There. That's better. OK let me put the other crystals back..."

Rodney looked down. The crystals were gone. He looked across at John who was back by his plane - building a crystal tower...

"Oh no no no no no no no," he said moving over to him. "What have you done ? I had those in order." Rodney snatched the crystals from him and checked them. "Do you have any idea how much of a pain this will be to sort out ? How could you have been so...?" He looked down at John.

John was looking up at him. His bottom lip was quivering and his green eyes were starting to fill with tears.

"Oh no..." Rodney said. "Don't...please..." He crouched down in front of him. "Don't cry...I hate it when children cry..."

John flung his arms around Rodney's neck and started to sob. "I'm...sorry...uncle Rodney..." he choked. "I didn't...mean to..."

Rodney put his hand across John's back and held him as he shook with emotion. "It's OK," he said quietly. "I'll sort it out."

"Perhaps a break ?" Radek suggested.

Rodney gave John his handkerchief. John wiped his eyes and then blew his nose. He tried to give it back to Rodney.

"Er...keep it," Rodney said. "How about some ice cream ?"

John's eyes brightened and he nodded.

"OK," Rodney said standing up and taking John by the hand. "Five minutes."

"I'll start reconfiguring the sub routine," Radek said.

Rodney nodded. "I'll check it when I get back," he said.

oOo

John sat in the mess hall scooping ice cream out of a bowl. Rodney had some blue jello. "This is fun," John was saying.

"Hum well we've only got a few minutes," Rodney said checking his watch. "Or you're gonna stay...well let's just say that I need to get back to work OK ?"

"OK. Why do you have to work uncle Rodney ?"

Rodney was aware of the looks as he walked back holding John's hand. "I enjoy work," he said. "It gives me meaning."

"Why ?"

"I don't know it just does. Keeps my brain active."

They reached the lab and Rodney sat John down with his model plane. "Sit and play for a few minutes," he said. "Radek how far did you get ?"

Rodney checked the data padd and then crawled back under the machine. He was checking and changing circuits when John poked him in the side. Rodney sat up and banged his head on the panel. "Ow ! What?" he said sharply.

"I'm bored," John said.

Rodney sighed and reached into his pocket. "Here," he said handing John a rather soft chocolate bar.

John unwrapped the candy and sat watching as Rodney worked. Rodney reached for his screwdriver and John handed it to him. "Thank...ew..." Rodney stopped to wipe melted chocolate off the handle. "Do me a favor," he said. "Don't touch anything..."

Rodney started to replace the crystals. "Why in God's name did they have to make these things all look the same ?" he muttered.

"Can I see ?" John said excitedly crawling up on top of him as he tried to work. "Can I ? Can I ?"

"Will you get off..." Rodney said pushing him aside. "Look I've got to get this done. Will you get out of my face !" he snapped as John moved away.

A couple of hours later Rodney crawled out from under the machine. He stood up and touched the controls which lit up and hummed softly in response.

"OK," Rodney said. "Let's do this." He turned around. "John?" Rodney looked at Radek. "Where'd he go ?"

"He ran outside when you er..."

"And you let him go ?"

"He was too quick. I thought he'd come back ..."

Rodney tapped his radio. "Elizabeth ?" he said. "We've lost John."

"What happened Rodney ?" Elizabeth asked.

"He ran out of the room."

"What did you say ?"

"I didn't say anything," Rodney said looking at Radek. "When did this become my fault ?"

Radek just stared at him without saying a word.

"Fine," Rodney said. "The point is if we don't find him within an hour it will be too late. He'll have to grow up again."

"I'll organize a search and make an announcement," Elizabeth said.

"You know him," Radek said. "Where would he go ?"

"I know adult John not kid John," Rodney replied. "I'm gonna check the mess hall and his quarters. Stay here in case he comes back.

oOo

About thirty minutes later Rodney met up with Elizabeth in her office. He was pacing back and forth clearly worried. "I checked the mess hall and his quarters," he said. "No one's seen him at all. Time is running out," he added. "Oooh...I've had a thought," he said clicking his fingers and running out of the office.

Rodney made his way to the jumper bay. One of the jumpers had the back door open. Rodney went inside and knelt down in front of the DHD.

John was crouched on the floor looking scared.

"Hey," Rodney said quietly. "What say we get you all better ?"

"You're mean," John said without moving.

"Yeah I guess I can be. I'm tired and I'm trying to get the machine working. That doesn't make it right...I'm sorry...Forgive me ?" Rodney held out his hand.

John sniffed and then grinned. "Can we have some more ice cream ?"

"Maybe later. We need to go now."

John leapt forward and wrapped his arms around Rodney's neck. Rodney got to his feet and John wrapped his legs around him. Rodney checked his watch. Just a few minutes. He had to hurry.

Rodney tapped his radio. "Radek ?" he said. "I've found him we're on our way."

Rodney rushed into the lab and popped John down into the chair unwrapping John's hands from his neck as he did so.

"Just sit there for a moment, OK ?" he said going to the control panel.

"Will this work ?" Radek asked.

"It's got to," Rodney replied. "It's the only chance we've got."

Rodney rapidly pushed several switches and then placed his hand on a large control in the center.

John looked up his eyes wide as a bright light engulfed him.

Then Rodney heard the sound of material tearing. "Oh crap !" he said running into a small bathroom to his right.

As the light shining down on John faded Rodney threw a small handtowel across John's lap.

John sat blinking from the sudden light. He looked confused but back to normal.

Radek had his hand over his mouth trying, rather unsuccessfully, to cover the huge smile that was crossing his face.

Rodney turned to Radek. "OK," he said. "Get some tools and remove the power cord from this thing. I want it disabled. I've got to get some sleep. Just pull the power and I'll deal with the rest tomorrow."

"Right," Radek said as he left still smiling.

"Rodney..." John said.

Rodney turned to face him. "Hum," he said.

"Why am I...?"

"What do you remember ?"

"I remember sitting in this chair. Of course I was dressed then."

"Ah well that was yesterday. Look I haven't slept in three days. I'll explain everything later. Just remember," Rodney added as he walked out of the door. "If you show the log of me falling flat on my face I've got the log of you naked in that chair..."

"Rodney !" John stood up and quickly grabbed the towel. It wasn't covering much and was barely big enough to wrap around him. He reached for his ear. No radio. And the nearest transporter was a good two hundred yards away.

"Crap !"

oOo

Poor John. This one almost belongs in Tenchi of light21's "Johns Really Bad Days". ;D  
Way different from my normal. Please review and be kind :)

debbie


	42. Blue Monday

**Disclaimer: **etc etc

This started off with an idea from Samandjackforever to have McKay "dyed" (as in colored). I picked blue just because that opens the door to the inevitable "smurf" comments ;). And then of course we had to keep true to the series :D

Enjoy...

**Blue Monday**

John did a double take as Rodney walked into the gateroom for the mission.

"Rodney ?" he asked. "Are you OK ?"

"Sure...Why ?"

"Well," John said scratching his head. "In all the time I've known you I've never seen you... wear a hat before."

"Well there's a first time for everything."

John walked towards him. Rodney backed away backing into Ronon. He stopped and turned and John took the opportunity to yank the cap off Rodney's head.

"Wow. Rodney. Your hair..."

"It's blue," Ronon said grinning.

"Yes I know thank you very much," Rodney said snatching his hat back and jamming it back on his head.

"What...er...?" John was trying not to laugh. Not so Ronon who was openly grinning. Even Teyla was smiling slightly.

"I hate April the first," Rodney said. "Whoever came up with that idea should be impaled on a sharp pole and left to die slowly."

Now that he was looking John could see that Rodney had a pale blue tinge all over. "Uh," he said. "April Fools was yesterday."

"I'm very well aware of that. That's why I spent the entire day entrenched in my lab." Rodney stopped and glared at him. "Can we go now ?"

John smiled and signalled to Chuck to dial the gate. "Maybe it'll be cold there and you'll just blend in," he said.

"Oh funny," Rodney sneered as the wormhole formed. "One smurf comment and I'm going home," he added.

"I was just going to say how well it matched your eyes," John said as he walked through the event horizon.

oOo

"Will you quit scratching," John said as they walked towards the settlement.

"I can't help it," Rodney said scratching his side. "The stuff that I used to take most of the blue off has made me itch."

"So was it in your shower gel or shampoo ?"

"Both I think."

"You need better security to your room," John pointed out.

"It doesn't matter what kind of code I have. Maintenance, cleaning, security, medical..they all have overrides. Don't worry. When I get time I'm checking the CCTV logs. I'll find out who did it."

"And God help them," John thought.

As they approached the town John put on his best "meet the natives" smile as several locals came out to see them.

A tall, broad shouldered, pleasant looking man stood waiting with a wide smile on his face. "Greetings," he said. "I am CurRon of the Mor-Ei."

"I'm Colonel John Sheppard. This is Ronon Dex, Teyla Emmagan and that's Doctor Rodney McKay."

"Come," CurRon gestured towards the largest building visible. "Let us feast before we talk."

"I could like this place," Rodney said taking off his hat for a moment to scratch the back of his head.

Immediately the locals froze in place and started to point. "Blasphemy !" one of the men shouted as Rodney absentmindedly slipped his hat back on.

CurRon had also stopped dead in in tracks. "You travel here to insult us ?" he said gesturing towards several guards.

"What ?" John said looking around. "No. I don't understand..."

The guards fired stunners at them and they all fell to the ground. As he lost consciousness John was aware of a large statue of a bull sporting a bright blue mohawk.

oOo

Rodney woke up slowly. Opening his eyes he looked up at the ceiling. He sat up and rubbed the feeling back into his arms. They were in a large room which looked like it had been chiseled out of the rock. He was missing his P90 and laptop but, as he confirmed by patting his pocket, he still had his small hand held padd.

Teyla was sitting up by the door also rubbing her arms. Ronon was standing next to her pushing on the door. John was between them and was slowly getting to his feet. "You OK ?" he asked.

"Yeah," Rodney replied. "What set them off ?"

"I'm not totally sure," John said. "But I think that it was your hair."

"Yeah McKay," Ronon said turning from the door. "They all changed when you took that hat off."

Rodney got to his feet and dusted himself off. "Oh this is so not my fault," he said. "It's not like the blue rinse was my idea."

"There is nothing that we can do about it now," Teyla said.

"Well maybe I can get us out of here," Rodney said walking over to the door control. He removed a small tool pouch from his pocket and popped the cover off to reveal the crystals.

"You don't really expect that to...work," John said as the door slid quietly open.

"If this were a prison then there wouldn't be controls on the inside," Rodney said replacing the cover and slipping the tools back into his pocket.

John led the way out through the door with Rodney just behind him and Ronon and Teyla bringing up the rear. Rodney had his small scanner in his hand. There were tunnels leading in five different directions. "Any input ?" John asked.

"If you're asking which way is out, not a clue," Rodney answered. "I do show a couple of energy readings. One of them's moving," he added.

John glanced across at the padd in Rodney's hand. "Is that a life sign ?"

"No it isn't. It's something mechanical."

"Well let's go that way then," John said.

"Oh of course we go _towards_ the unknown mechanical thing," Rodney said following.

They moved quietly along the tunnels. Lights set into the ceiling gave everything a strange shadow as they only threw out a dim glow.

Rodney tapped John on his shoulder. "Just ahead," he whispered. "Around the corner."

They could hear a strange snorting sound. Like a large animal.

"I don't like the sounds of that," Rodney said his eyes wide.

They peered around the corner. Down the tunnel was a huge bull. It was so large that it filled most of the tunnel. It was pawing at the ground with it's front hoof. Smoke curled from it's nostrils and it's eyes glowed bright red in the dim light. A blue stripe of fur ran from the middle of it's forehead down to the middle of it's back.

It turned to face them, it's large horns reflecting the light from above.

"Oh crap !" John said. "A minotaur."

"Well strictly speaking a minotaur is half man half bull. This thing looks to be all... er...robotic animal," Rodney said.

John just looked at him. "Cut me some slack, Rodney," he said. "We're in a labyrinth. Work with me here."

"Just saying..."

"Bet that's the way out," Ronon said.

"Can't tell from this," Rodney said shaking the padd.

The bull stepped forward.

"I believe that it knows we are here," Teyla said.

"Any ideas ?" John asked.

"Why are you looking at me ? Fine. Look. If we can get to where the other energy reading is it might be a control panel. Maybe I can turn it off."

"Where is that ?"

"Well the er bull's between us and it."

"Figures," Ronon said.

"Oh and it's coming this way," Rodney said.

John looked back around the corner. Sure enough the bull was walking towards them, snorting as it came.

"Move !" John said unnecessarily.

"Keep turning corners," Rodney said. "As bulky as that thing is it's probably not real agile."

"How fast can it go ?" John asked looking behind them.

"Faster than us," Rodney said looking at his scanner. "Uh oh..."

"What ?"

Rodney shook his scanner still moving along the tunnel. "It's dropped off my scanner," he said. "Either it's in a shielded area or..."

"Or what ?"

"Or it can shield itself."

"Is that possible ?" Ronon asked.

Rodney stopped and so did the others. "Of course it is," he said. "We do it in the jumpers all the time. I have no idea what's built into that thing but if we keep running around blindly we're likely to run straight into it. I suggest that we head for the stationary power source. If it is a control panel I'll have a better chance of stopping our bovine friend from there."

"OK," John said. "Stay behind me."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

oOo

After about thirty minutes of following tunnels and hearing the bull as it moved near them they came to an open area with a large machine in the center. Rodney moved across to it as John signalled for Teyla and Ronon to watch the tunnels.

"Well Rodney ?"

"Give me a moment," Rodney said activating the HUD. "OK. This looks to be a map of this place... We're here," he pointed to an area on the map. "Exit looks to be there," he said pointing.

"Looks like a dead end," Ronon said looking down the tunnel. "Where's the bull ?"

"Not showing him. Let me see if I can pull up some schematics here..."

"Just turn it off, Rodney," John said. "Don't analyze it."

"It's not like this thing has a big on off switch on it. I've got to find the control. Besides, something must be powering this. There may be a zed p m..."

Suddenly there was a loud snorting sound from one of the tunnels. It was close. Real close.

"You're out of time, Rodney," John said as the bull entered the room and stopped, momentarily watching them, turning from side to side as if deciding who was the greater threat.

Ronon pulled a knife from his hair and threw it, hitting the bull squarely in it's left eye. It bounced off harmlessly and the beast turned towards him slowly pacing forward.

"It's mechanical," Rodney said. "Your knives aren't gonna work."

"Rodney..." John said.

"I'm looking, I'm looking," Rodney said rapidly scrolling through data. "Ah..." He looked towards the bull which was still pacing following Ronon. "That should've done it...I don't understand...unless there's a delay..." He kept checking data oblivious to his surroundings.

"Look out !" John yelled as the creature suddenly veered towards him.

Rodney looked up just as the bull charged in his direction. Up against the machine he had nowhere to run to.

John moved towards the bull and yelled, "Here !"

The beast turned but as it did so it hit Rodney throwing him hard against the rock wall.

John backed away as the bull advanced. Then suddenly it started to rear up ready for an attack. John was also running out of room to escape and Ronon and Teyla came forward to distract it just as it froze in place, one foot raised ready to charge. It's red eyes stopped glowing and it became silent.

Everyone stayed still, scarcely daring to breathe.

"McKay did it," Ronon said.

"Rodney !" John said and he ran over to where Rodney lay unmoving.

John rolled Rodney onto his back. Blood was streaming down the side of his face from a cut on his left temple. John grabbed a bandage from his vest pocket and used it to slow the bleeding.

Rodney opened his eyes slightly and winced in pain. "The...the bull..?" he asked shakily.

"You did it, Rodney," John said. "It stopped dead in it's tracks. Everyone's safe." "Except you," John thought.

"And the exit opened when the bull stopped," Teyla said walking back from the tunnel. "It seems that we have passed the trial."

John helped Rodney to his feet. He swayed slightly and put his hand against the wall for support as John steadied him. "The ...zed p m," he said.

"We can come back for it, Rodney," John said. Rodney looked very pale but it was difficult to tell with the blue dye still on his skin.

Rodney took a step forward and then retched clutching his stomach. He threw up blood. A lot of blood. "Oh God," he said weakly, hunching over in pain.

Ronon grabbed him supporting his weight. "Come on, McKay," he said.

When they went through the exit door it closed behind them. Teyla looked back. The door was completely hidden. They would not be able to find their way back in again.

They were only about a hundred yards from the gate and John ran ahead and dialled the address as Ronon and Teyla helped Rodney who was barely walking.

"Unscheduled activation," Chuck said. "Colonel Sheppard's IDC."

Elizabeth nodded and Chuck dropped the shield.

"He's requesting a medical team to the gateroom. Doctor McKay's been hurt."

As they walked into the gateroom they were met by Carson who came running from the Infirmary. "What the hell happened?" he asked.

"He got hit by a mechanical bull," Ronon said as he eased Rodney onto the gurney.

"By God," Carson said checking Rodney's eyes and pulse. "Bring some oxygen..."

"Oh that's dye," John said. "He started out that color this morning."

"Really ?" Carson said. "Still his heartbeat's way too fast and he's losing blood. I need to get him to the Infirmary."

John watched as the medical team left with Rodney and then with a sigh he went to tell Elizabeth how a little blue dye had nearly cost all their lives.

oOo

Several days later, having been thrown out by Carson a number of times so that Rodney could rest, John slipped back into the Infirmary to see how he was doing.

Rodney was sitting up in bed concentrating on something that he was doing on his laptop. With the help of Carson and an alcohol bath he was now back to a more normal color although his hair still had a tinge of blue to it. He was heavily bandaged from the surgery but he seemed a lot brighter than when John had last seen him the day before.

"Hey," John said. "How are you doing ?"

"It only hurts when I breathe," Rodney said. "But at least I've stopped coughing up blood. Who knew that a broken rib could hurt that much ?"

"Well if it impales your lung then yeah," John said. "What are you doing ?" he asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Preparing a little surprise. I found out who dyed me."

"Oh ? Who ?"

"Zelenka."

"Radek ? Why would he...? Oh I bet it's because you sent him to..er..."

"M7G677 with all the kids. Yeah that would be my guess."

"But I thought that he was in the lab with you all day."

"Not all day. He volunteered to go and get lunch. Look..." Rodney turned his laptop to show a time dated picture of Radek going into his room. "He'd deleted it but I recovered the file. Proof," he added.

"Well that seems pretty conclusive," John looked at Rodney who was looking smug. "What did you do, Rodney ?"

"Well..." Rodney said grinning.

"Wait," John said standing up and holding his hands out in front of him. "You know what. I don't want to know. I think I'd be better off out of the middle of this. Just in case it turns into a security issue I don't want prior knowledge."

"OK," Rodney said. "Carson's letting me out this afternoon. How about you meet me for breakfast ? About six thirty should be early enough. Don't be late," he added smiling.

oOo

They were on their second cup of coffee when Radek came rushing into the mess hall. He went storming over to where John and Rodney were sitting and stopped a couple of feet away. "McKay !" he said loudly.

"Good morning, Radek," Rodney said calmly. "You're late. Aren't you supposed to be in the lab by now ?" he added checking his watch.

"I have just spent over an hour stuck in my toilet because the door would not open !" Radek said loudly enough for everyone to hear. All of the chatter in the room was silenced as the other personnel turned to listen.

"Gee Radek," Rodney said. "You need to contact maintenance about that." Rodney was still sitting back in his chair completely relaxed. John was trying not to laugh out loud.

"You...you..." Radek spluttered.

"Now why would I want to do anything like that ?" Rodney said sitting forward in his seat. "What possible reason could I have ...? Hum...?"

Radek opened his mouth and raised his index finger in the air but he clearly thought better about saying anything. He was turning a deep shade of red.

"You know," Rodney continued. "If you can't get to work on time perhaps you should set your alarm earlier."

Radek started a tirade of czech that continued as he walked out of the door. John couldn't understand any of it except "eighteen twelve".

"Rodney," he said. "You didn't...Not the 1812 Overture..."

Rodney smiled and sipped his coffee. "At four forty five am on the nose," he said. "And all of his personal settings on his rooms computer have been translated into Swahili. It's gonna take him a while to reset that lot."

"Remind me never to mess with you."

Rodney just grinned. "Are you eating that danish ?" he asked.

oOo

Never mess with the master ;D  
love some reviews (as always)  
debbie


	43. Hidden Enemy

**Disclaimer:** Not mine or there definately would be more seasons!! ;(

OK I have been working on this story for about three chapters now. It started as a "Where's Rodney ?" kind of story but that got too limiting (Now what??) so I put it aside for a while and waited for the muse to hit - which it did. Welcome to another two parter...

**Hidden Enemy Part I**

There it was again. A short blip on his screen. But Rodney knew from past experience that if you didn't stop the small energy drains when you caught them then they had a tendency to become a major pain in the ass just when you didn't need it. "Not that you ever needed it," he thought.

So that was why he was wandering around the unexplored part of the east side of the city with a handheld padd and a flashlight at two o'clock in the morning.

He shone the light around the room. It was an abandoned lab with what was probably an impressive array of machinery lining the wall when it had been up and running. Right now it just looked eerie and dull. He walked across to the machine. "Yep," he thought. "This is the culprit." He sat in front of it and pulled a small pouch of tools out of his pocket. Using a small screwdriver he removed the front panel and shone his light inside. There inside the machine was a mouse nest and some chewed wires. "Well," he said to himself as he repaired the damage. "Now we know where the biolabs missing mice went."

Rodney replaced the panel and got to his feet, dusting himself off. Grabbing his data padd and tool pouch he headed back towards the main building. At least that had been his intention. About half way across the room a floor panel gave way and Rodney fell down a long shaft.

oOo

"Has anyone seen McKay ?" Ronon said walking into the mess hall and walking up to John and Teyla who were having an early morning coffee.

"Not since last night," John said. "Why ?"

"Because he was supposed to meet me for a training session and he didn't show."

"Gee," John said trying to look serious. "And I know how much he looks forward to those."

Ronon gave John a blank look. "Well if you see him tell him I'm looking for him," he said walking away.

"When I saw him he was chasing down some energy anomaly or drain or something and that was after midnight," John said sipping his coffee. "I bet he's still in bed."

oOo

Rodney woke up slowly. His head was throbbing and he lay in a tangled heap on the floor. He started to move and then cried out as a sharp pain shot through his left shoulder. He managed to get to a sitting position and sat still for a moment to let the pain ease.

"OK," he thought. "Shoulder feels like it's dislocated." He winced. The room he was in was dark and he had dropped his flashlight. He ran his hand around and chanced upon his data padd which lit up in his hand. It was absolutely useless for it's intended use in the heavily shielded area but it gave out enough light for him to see where his flashlight had rolled to the side. He struggled to his feet and picked up the flashlight which he switched back on. He put the padd in his pocket and checked his watch. Seven am. He might be missed soon. He shone the light around. The room was empty. There was a ladder built into the wall leading up to a hatchway. Up was where he needed to go. He held his arm to his side. He wasn't great at climbing at the best of times. Now ? "Well that's not gonna happen," he thought. "OK. Time to look elsewhere." He looked around and found a passageway that sloped downward. The opposite direction from where he needed to go but it was either that or try to climb the ladder one handed. "Surely," he thought as he went down the passage. "There has to be a way around."

oOo

John checked his watch.

"What is it ?" Teyla asked as they walked towards the gateroom.

"Still no sign of Rodney," John said looking around. "And it's after eight. He never sleeps this late." He tapped his radio. "Rodney ?" he said. "McKay..."

"Perhaps his lab ?" Teyla suggested.

John nodded. "Good idea. Maybe he pulled an all nighter and he's asleep at his computer."

They went to the labs. No one there had seen him either.

John scratched his head. "This is weird," he said. "Come on," he said heading for the living area.

Standing outside Rodney's quarters John rang the chime for the second time. After a couple of minutes he punched in Rodney's code and opened the door.

Teyla looked at him and raised one eyebrow.

"Rodney knows that I know it," John said going in. "Rodney ?" he called out as Teyla followed. "Rodney !"

John came out of the bedroom as Teyla waited in his living room. "He's not there," John said. "And his bed hasn't been slept in. Now I'm getting worried. Let's see if anyone knows where he was heading last night."

oOo

Rodney was getting totally lost. He was tired, his head and shoulder were throbbing and he was fed up with the whole affair. "Next time," he thought. "I'm sending Radek on these excursions." He had never been in this section of the city before and with good reason. There was nothing there. It was dark and damp and hallways ran in all directions. Every way except up. He turned a corner into yet another long hallway. Only this one had light coming from another hallway at the end. "Curious," Rodney thought turning off his flashlight. He moved quietly up the hall towards the light. Rodney wasn't sure why he was being quiet. Something just didn't feel right. He stopped at the corner and looked around. He was above a large open area that judging from the small windows at the far end was below the water line. A wrecked wraith dart, a forgotten remnant of an earlier battle, lay in pieces on the floor. Steel plates patched the wall where it had hit. But that wasn't what had riveted his attention.

Calmly striding across the area, with two of his guards behind him, was a wraith.

oOo

"We know that he didn't go offworld, he's not in his quarters or the labs and no one's seen him since last night," John said.

"And he didn't show up for our training session this morning," Ronon added.

"So where do we start looking ?" Elizabeth asked looking up from behind her desk computer.

"Rodney's not answering his comm or the citywide PA so either he's in a shielded part of the city," John said. "Or he's hurt."

"Or he's hiding," Ronon muttered.

John just looked at Ronon. "Yeah well let's assume he's not, OK. Last time I saw him was late last night and he was on the computer in the control center and he was chasing down some energy drain somewhere. We checked the CCTV feed and the last that we see of him he's heading off camera into the east side of the city."

"So do we organize a search party ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well we don't know for certain that anything's happened. So I'd er that is we would..." John said awkwardly.

"Go," Elizabeth said. "Check in with me later."

John nodded and they left. Elizabeth watched them leave with a look of concern on her face.

oOo

Rodney stared as the wraith and his guards walked beneath the balcony that he was looking from. "Oh my God," he said softly. He backed back into the hallway and turned and ran back the way that he had just come. He ran down several hallways, shining his flashlight in front and constantly checking behind him. Once he was well clear he stopped, breathing heavily and leaned against the wall to recover. Rodney checked the hallway. "Crap !" he said softly as he realized that he not only had no idea where he was but also no idea where the wraith were. "OK," he said to himself. "Find a way upstairs. Find John. He'll sort this out." Sighing he walked up the hallway.

oOo

"Well this is getting us nowhere," Ronon said. "All these rooms look the same. All these hallways look the same."

"Have we been this way before ?" Teyla asked.

"No," Ronon replied. "We're still heading east."

"I should've stayed with him," John said.

"And done what ?" Ronon asked.

"I dunno. At least got the direction he was...Rodney !"

Rodney turned the corner just ahead of them. He was pale and shaking clearly in pain as he came up to them. "Oh thank God," he said. Ronon caught him as the last few hours finally caught up with him and he passed out.

oOo

Rodney woke up in the Infirmary. He was lying on top of one of the exam beds, still in his black T-shirt and black pants. The pain had eased considerably and he had a kind of floating feeling that indicated that Carson had given him some morphine.

Carson, John, Ronon and Teyla were standing around his bed.

"Well hello," Carson said. "Are ya feelin' better ?"

"Hum yes, kinda..."

"Aye well the morphine's startin' ta kick in," he said. "You've got a dislocated shoulder and what looks like a mild concussion."

"Fell...wraith..."

"What ?" John said. "Did you say wraith ? Carson wake him up."

"No," Carson replied. "It might be the morphine. I'm gonna take him in and set that shoulder. You can come back and see him later."

"But Doc..."

"Later," Carson said pushing them out. "Ya wanted to see him before I took him in to fix his shoulder and you did. Now out! I'll let you know when you can talk to him."

They were left standing in the waiting room.

"I sense no wraith presence," Teyla said.

"Maybe it was the drug," Ronon said.

"I hope so," John said sitting down.

oOo

It was the next morning before Carson would let John back in to visit Rodney. When John walked in Rodney was sitting up in bed with his left arm in a sling sipping what looked like apple juice.

"Hey," John said as he approached the bed. "How ya doing ?"

"Pretty good actually," Rodney said. "Shoulder's a bit sore. Look there's something I need to tell you..."

"You said something about a wraith ?"

"I was fixing an energy drain in the east side of the city and then I fell through a panel in the floor..."

John sat trying to be patient as Rodney continued. "Come on Rodney," he thought. "I don't always need the history." He stayed silent however.

"...well I got turned around in those hallways and I saw a wraith male with two guards."

"Are you sure ?"

"Let me see. Long white hair, pale skin, nasty disposition. Yeah I'm sure."

"But how did he get there ?"

"That I'm not sure of. There was a wrecked dart though."

"That dart crashed there over two years ago. He could not have been down there all of this time."

Rodney clicked his fingers. "Unless he was stored inside the dart in stasis and it had a preset release or something."

"So where is he ?"

"I'm not exactly sure..."

"Rodney..."

"Well like I said I fell down a hole and then there were hallways everywhere and I kinda got turned around. I'll know it when I see it."

"OK get dressed I'll get Ronon and Teyla."

"I don't think so," Carson said walking towards them.

"But I feel fine," Rodney said.

"That's 'cause you're full of morphine," Carson said. "You've just had surgery albeit minor."

"I just need him to show us the way," John said. "We'll keep him out of trouble I promise."

"Aye I've heard that before."

"Carson there's a wraith in the city," John said.

"Are ya sure ?"

"We need to check it out. And we need Rodney to help us do it."

Carson sighed. "This goes against my better judgement," he said. "Alright let me get that IV out. But you'd better look out for him," he said to John.

"I will," John said. "I promise."

oOo

John found Rodney in the control room tapping on his computer. He was dressed in his black uniform and tac vest but he didn't have his P90 since he still had his left arm in a sling.

"I'll be right with you," Rodney said. "I'm just checking the schematic for the area that I was in to get us a starting point since I really don't want to go down that hole again."

John smiled and looked around at Ronon and Teyla who were waiting just behind him.

"OK," Rodney said pointing at the screen. "I was in this room when I fell so..." he tapped a key and the view changed from overhead to side on. "That means that I fell right about there and then there was a downward passage... here..."

"OK," John said. "So if we transport there..." he pointed at the screen. "We'll be in the ballpark."

"Right."

"Well then let's go."

oOo

"OK Rodney. Where to ?" John asked looking up and down the hallway.

"This way," Rodney said pointing.

John took the lead with Rodney behind him and Ronon and Teyla bringing up the rear. After a few wrong turns they came out overlooking the area with the crashed dart. There was no one in sight.

"I still sense no wraith presence," Teyla said.

"There's a low level EM radiation field in this area," Rodney said checking his hand held padd. "Something down there is generating it and it's effectively blocking everything."

"So eyes open and heads up," John said. "Let's find a way down there shall we ?"

They backtracked up the hallway and found a set of stairs leading down and with John leading the way and Rodney in the middle they made their way to the crashed dart.

As Teyla and John stood guard, Ronon went checking hallways as Rodney was checking the dart interface controls.

"Well Rodney ?" John asked.

"They were stored in stasis all right," Rodney said having linked his laptop to the darts controls. "It looks like they were only released about a week ago."

"So was it a delayed release mechanism ?"

"Nope. Someone here released them."

"What ?" John said looking at him.

At that moment they heard Ronon's gun fire rapidly twice. "Stay here," John said running towards the sound. Teyla stayed near Rodney watching the other hallways.

After a few moments there was the sound of P90 fire and then silence.

Teyla hit her radio. "John ?"

"This area's shielded," Rodney said. "Our radios don't work here."

After a few moments John and Ronon appeared back in the room. "We've got the two guards," Ronon said.

"Two down one to go," John added. "Now Rodney what were you saying ?"

"That someone on Atlantis released them from stasis." Rodney said. "And if I can find the laptop that they used I may be able to find out who."

"Wouldn't they delete the evidence ?"

"They could try. There are ways to recover deleted files. I'm just going to have to start checking machines."

"Doctor McKay," Teyla said.

Rodney turned towards her. She was pointing to an alcove where a laptop was open and interfaced to a console. Rodney walked over to it and started to tap on the keyboard.

He was totally engrossed in what he was doing when Ronon fired his weapon. Rodney flinched as the red beam flashed by his right shoulder.

"What the hell ?" Rodney yelled as Ronon ran past him. "Will you warn someone before you do that ?"

After a couple more blasts from his weapon Ronon walked back.

"And then there was none," John said. "But we'll have a security team do a sweep just in case. Any luck with that laptop?"

"Well," Rodney said still tapping on the computer. "The wraith were using it to access information in our database..."

"What kind of information ?" Ronon asked.

"Gate addresses mainly, as far as I can tell."

"Would they have been able to transmit any of that data ?" John asked.

"Not from here, no. But if someone's been working with them... I'll be able to tell more after I've got this back to my lab where I can work on it. There are deleted and encrypted files that I need to access to find out what's been going on and who's been doing it."

"OK," John said.

oOo

Later that evening Rodney was working alone in his lab. He had the laptop open on his desk and connected to his own machine as he ran a decryption program to try and unlock some of the files. While that was running he was working on adapting the memory chip that he'd taken from the crashed dart so that he could access the data.

A lone figure dressed in a white lab coat and wearing a large hat walked quietly up the hallway towards the lab. The scientist entered a code at the outer door and it slid silently open. Raising the gun in their left hand they fired a single shot.

Rodney gasped in pain and fell from his stool as the bullet hit him in the back. He was dimly aware of someone stepping over him and he tried to look up to see who it was.

Aiming directly at Rodney's head the scientist fired the gun once more...

oOo

**to be continued...**

Don't worry I will update real soon...  
love some reviews as always ;)  
debbie.


	44. Hidden Enemy Part II

**Disclaimer:** yeah yeah

Previously...read the last chapter (seriously)

**Hidden Enemy Part II**

John Sheppard walked calmly towards the physics lab. Although he knew that Rodney would call him if he found anything John still figured that it wouldn't hurt to check on him.

As he approached the lab itself he noticed that a crowd of people had gathered near to the lab door. Then he found himself being pushed aside as Carson and a medical team came running out of the lab pulling a gurney.

"Excuse me," Carson was saying. "Make way. Let us through..."

John couldn't see who was on the gurney. The patients face was partially covered with a large bandage and an oxygen mask obsured the rest.

As they passed him he saw the bright red and white Canadian patch on the patients sleeve.

"Rodney ...?" John said watching them turn the corner towards the Infirmary. John looked back towards the lab and saw Doctor Zelenka standing in the doorway looking visibly upset. John ran up to him and grabbed him by his arms. "Radek," he said. "What happened ?"

Radek stepped back to let John see the alarmingly large pool of blood on the floor. "I...I found him there," he said pointing. "He has been shot in the back and in the head. I am not sure that he will survive," he added.

John felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He forced himself to breathe. He tapped his radio. "Chuck ?" he said. "I need a full security lockdown. No gate activity, no jumper access and no transporting on or off the Daedalus."

"I'll need your security codes."

"I'll be right there." John turned to Radek. "Were there any laptops on his desk ?" he asked.

"No," Radek answered looking around. "It was just as you see it now."

John looked grim. There was time for him to fall apart later. Right now he had an attacker to apprehend. "Seal off the lab for forensics. I'll be back," John said heading for the gateroom.

oOo

John ran into the gateroom and went over to the computer where Chuck was waiting for him to enter his security code. "How many teams are offworld ?" he asked.

"Three," Chuck replied. "And SGA four is due back this afternoon."

"The teams can return but no one gates out. No exceptions. I'll be talking to Colonel Caldwell about restricting transportation from the Daedalus. And pull up the CCTV logs by the physics labs for the last four hours and transfer them to the computer in the conference room."

"Yes sir."

Colonel Steven Caldwell and Doctor Elizabeth Weir were waiting for John when he arrived in the conference room.

"What's going on, Colonel ?" Colonel Caldwell asked as John entered. He was standing opposite the door with his arms crossed. "I received a message that everyone on board the Daedalus were restricted off base and that there'd been an attack on Doctor McKay."

John sat down and explained how Rodney had discovered wraith in the city and that they suspected that someone on Atlantis had been helping them. Elizabeth, of course, had already been briefed up to this point.

"And you didn't post a guard ?" Colonel Caldwell asked. It wasn't an accusation but it hit home like one for John.

"No sir," he said.

"Well I'll keep everyone on board until I hear from you," Colonel Caldwell said. "Let me know if we can render any assistance."

"Thank you," Elizabeth said as he left. She looked at John. "Any progress ?" she asked.

"I was just about to check the CCTV logs," John said. "Any news on Rodney ?"

"No. Which is a good thing. It means that he's still alive."

"Hum," John said as he opened the laptop.

John watched the computer logs in silence and Elizabeth sat next to him doing the same. They watched the figure approaching the lab.

"He used a lab coat and hat to conceal himself from the cameras," John said.

Watching the shooting was painful. John clenched his fists and felt his nails digging into his palms as he watched the assailant stand over Rodney and fire the second shot. He wanted to cover his eyes but he couldn't and he couldn't look away.

Then the man calmly slipped the laptops into a case and walked out. John followed him with the camera as he turned several corners and then turned into the mess hall.

"Wait," John said. "Where'd he go ?"

The camera view had changed from outside the door to inside. There was a short hallway between the camera views. In that space the white coated figure had disappeared.

"He took the hat and coat off," Elizabeth said. "He could be any one of that group."

"Or he could have backtracked outside with the others," John said. "We've lost him."

"Go and check that hallway," Elizabeth said. "See if you can find that hat and coat and get them to forensics."

"Right," John said leaving Elizabeth who was still checking the CCTV logs.

oOo

John found the coat, hat and gun stuffed into a trash can in the bathroom by the mess hall entrance. There was blood splattered on the bottom of the coat. Rodney's blood.

It was Zelenka's lab coat but John knew that he wasn't the one that did the shooting as he'd seen him both on the camera logs and in person soon after. So they'd stolen the coat. That wasn't really a surprise. And since trash had been thrown in on top of it John doubted that they'd get anything useful from it. Still, he took it all to the forensics lab anyway just in case.

Then he headed to the Infirmary to check on Rodney. Ronon and Teyla were waiting outside.

"Doctor Beckett is still in surgery," Teyla said. "There has been no news."

"Anything we can do ?" Ronon asked.

John scratched his head. "I'm pulling up pictures of all the men that were in the area," he said. "We're gonna be checking people for gunshot residue. Perhaps I can get you to help me round up the people who were there."

"Beats doing nothin'." Ronon said standing up.

oOo

Elizabeth kept staring at the computer logs. She sat in the conference room watching it over and over again. Something wasn't right but she couldn't put her finger on it.

Just then Carson walked in. He looked tired.

"Carson," Elizabeth said looking up. "Good news I hope."

"Aye. He was extremely fortunate. It's serious, don't get me wrong, but it could've been much much worse. The first bullet, in his back, broke a couple of ribs and lodged in his right lung. I've removed it and sent it to the lab. The second, to his head, just creased his forehead. He must've turned his head or something 'cause it didn't penetrate his skull at all. The bullet is probably embedded in the lab floor. Now he has a rather nasty fracture and he lost a lot of blood but if I keep him in a medically induced coma until the intracranial swelling goes down there's no reason to assume that he won't make a full recovery. Barring complications of course."

Elizabeth let out the breath that she'd been holding. "Does John know ?" she asked.

"I was just going to find him."

"Well he's in the mess hall checking people for gunshot residue," Elizabeth said. "I'm sure that he's got his radio on."

"I needed a break," Carson said. "I'll go and tell him now then."

Elizabeth nodded as Carson left and went back to reviewing the logs.

After about an hour Elizabeth sat back and rubbed her eyes. Taking a sip of her now cold coffee she stared up at the ceiling. Absentmindedly she reached for her collar.

Suddenly sitting bolt upright she replayed the log. "Oh my God," she said. "That's it." She pushed her radio. "John ?" she said. "Please come to the conference room."

John arrived a couple of minutes later. "What is it ?" he said as he walked in the door.

"Look at this," Elizabeth said replaying the log section just before the assailant entered the lab.

John stared blankly and shrugged. "I don't see anything," he said.

"Neither did I at first," Elizabeth said. "Look there. See what he did ?"

"No."

"He adjusted his bra strap."

"Excuse me ?" John asked.

"It's something that women do automatically without thinking about it. That's why I didn't notice it sooner."

"So..."

"Your "he" is a "she". That's a woman."

oOo

John sat down. That put a whole new perspective on it. "Crap !" he said shuffling through the surveillence pictures in his hand. "Well there are only four women in this group. Two marines, a cook and one of Carson's nurses. And since we were concentrating on the men they've all had time to thoroughly wash their hands."

"And if it's one of the nurses..." Elizabeth said.

"Then Rodney's in danger," John said. "I've got an idea. I've got to see Carson..."

oOo

Late that evening a figure slipped into the intensive care unit where Rodney lay sleeping. She stood next to the bed for a moment. "You've been very lucky, Doctor McKay," she said quietly. "You won't be so lucky this time." She deftly injected a clear liquid into the IV line.

Suddenly the overhead light came on and Carson and John pulled the curtain back. The figure in the bed sat up and Chuck pulled the bandage and oxygen mask from his face. Then Chuck pulled the IV loose from where it had been taped to his hand.

"What was in that ?" Carson asked.

Nurse Bobbie Lewis gasped as she realized that she was caught. "How did you know ?" she asked. "And where's Doctor McKay?"

"Elizabeth figured it out," John said. "We just had to prove it."

"And Doctor McKay's safe in another room," Carson added.

"Take her to the brig," John said to the marine guard behind him.

oOo

"She released the wraith by accident," John said. "She'd found the crashed dart and was researching it and trying to see how it worked. Then she triggered the stasis control and found herself face to face with a wraith."

"I'd be more sympathetic if she hadn't tried to kill me," Rodney said as he sat up in bed eating some jello.

"That wraith enzyme is powerful stuff," John said. "It's been two weeks and Carson still hasn't got it all out of her system."

"What will happen to her ?"

"Well she wasn't really in her right mind but still I'm certain that she'll be transferred back to earth when the Daedalus leaves next week. I don't know if the IOA will pursue charges or not."

"As long as she's away from here I really don't care. How did you know that she'd try again by the way ?"

"Well Carson told everyone that you were making a miraculous recovery and that you'd be awake soon and that he was pretty sure that you'd be able to ID your attacker. We figured whoever it was would have to try to silence you before you talked."

"And if she'd come back in with a gun ?"

"Ronon was there."

"Still remind me to thank Chuck."

"Yeah. When's Carson letting you out ?"

"In a couple of days I think. When I can get off this jello diet."

"Good we got some new movies."

"Something light but not too funny."

"Why not ?"

"Because it still hurts to laugh."

oOo

There you go. I hope it wasn't too predictable.  
Love some reviews.  
Debbie


	45. No Good Deed

**Disclaimer:** whatever

OK. Most stories start with the story and then progress to the title. This one, however, started with the title and grew from there. Not that Rodney does many good deeds mind you. (And it's no wonder...)

**No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.**

"Please Rodney, I'll owe you one," John pleaded.

"You'll owe me more than one," Rodney muttered as they headed for the biology lab. "What kind of experiment is she monitoring anyway ?"

"I'm not sure but she's a lab tech how complicated can it be ?"

"I'm not insinuating that I can't handle it," Rodney said. "The question is do I want to ?"

"Look we've been trying to go on a date for over a month and we haven't managed to get a free evening together yet."

"You still haven't. Shouldn't you be trying to coordinate this with Wilson ? He's the supervisor over the biology department."

"Well after that fiasco last month..."

"You mean when you let his mice out in his office ?"

"It wasn't intentional. Anyhow I've kinda stayed away from him."

"But...?"

"Have you seen Julie ? Rodney she's a knockout. We just want to go and sit on the pier for a while."

"Uh huh. Who are you trying to fool ?"

John opened the door to the lab and they walked in. Julie turned to face them and she smiled. Rodney had to admit she was gorgeous. Blonde hair, blue eyes. "Why don't girls like that get interested in physics ?" he thought.

"Thank you very much, Doctor McKay," she cooed. "We really appreciate this."

"I haven't agreed yet."

"Oh come on Rodney," John said. "Show him the experiment Julie."

"Well there's this..."

"What is that thing ?"

"Well we're not sure but we're testing it's ability to change color at will to blend in with it's background. If it starts to change then I have to note the time and hit that black button which will activate the detail scanner." Julie batted her eyes.

"Why don't you just keep the scanner running ?" Rodney asked.

"Well Doctor Wilson says that if he does that then the department head bitches about the power drain. Oh..."

"What do ya say Rodney ?" John said. "Just for a couple of hours. Note the time. Hit the button. Heck it might not even change color."

"I'm not sure I quite got that. Can you repeat it again for me ?" Rodney said with his arms crossed.

Julie blinked at him, eyes wide.

"Oh get out," Rodney said. "I'm going to regret this I can see it coming."

"Two hours," John said. "And we'll be back."

"You'd better be," Rodney said as they closed the door. He sat in front of the animal. "What are you ?" he said as the creature stared at him. "You look like a cross between a rat and a ginger cat. You have a name ? Fred. I'm gonna call you Fred. Well Fred this is a thrill a minute. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to stay. Just like watching paint dry but without the excitement."

Rodney got comfortable in the chair. The animal just stared at him. Rodney, who hadn't slept since early that morning, drifted off to sleep...

oOo

"Rodney !"

Rodney sat up in the chair. "What ?" he said. "Where ? What happened ?"

Julie was crying and John was yelling. "You let it escape. How could you ? All you had to do was hit a button."

Rodney peered at the middle of the table. The cage sat empty with it's door wide open.

"We are in so much trouble," John said.

"I knew I should have got more sleep before I volunteered for something like this," Rodney said rubbing his eyes.

"We've got to find it," John said. "Wilson will be back from the mainland tomorrow."

"It's a cat...thing. It'll show up when it's hungry just leave some food out," Rodney said.

"We're not sure what it like to eat," Julie said. "I'll be written up if he finds out," she sobbed.

"I know," John said. "We could go to the planet and catch another one."

"Why are you looking at me ?" Rodney said.

"Well you helped lose it."

"Could you please help ?" Julie said her eyes wet with tears.

Rodney sighed. "Where did it come from ?" he asked.

Julie looked at the computer. "M76938."

oOo

"What are we doing again ?" Ronon asked as they waited by the gate for John.

"We're going to catch a cat...rat...thing," Rodney said.

"Because you went to sleep and let it escape."

Rodney sighed. "Yes. Rub it in why don't you ?"

"It is to help the lab technician out," Teyla said. "That makes it an honorable mission."

"Whatever," Rodney said. "Here comes Kirk."

John came up to them. He was holding a couple of stunners which he handed to Rodney and Teyla. He also had one in a holster in place of his handgun. "Are we clear what we're doing ?" he asked.

"Go to the planet, grab a cat and get out," Ronon said.

"A ginger cat," Rodney added.

"Right and I've got some of the lab techs and a team of marines searching here on Atlantis for..."

"Fred."

"Excuse me ?"

"I called him Fred," Rodney said smiling.

"For...er...Fred," John finished. "Since Mc...er we lost it," he added as Rodney glared at him.

oOo

"Oh this doesn't look good," Rodney said as they looked across from the treeline. Ronon and Teyla stood behind them and he and John were in front. "Did anybody mention that we had a baby one and that mama made a sabre toothed tiger look like a pussycat ?"

"I didn't ask," John said.

"We have stunners," Teyla said. "But I do not feel right taking a baby from it's mother."

"Well SGA three already took Fred," Rodney said. "So...Yikes !" he jumped as an energy blast hit the tree next to him. Ronon turned his gun already aimed. John stepped forward leaving Rodney standing to the rear.

A group of local villagers stood watching them. The one who had fired the shot stood off to the side and Ronon kept his gun aimed steadily at him. They were a strange mix of ancient and modern. Two of them had blasters while the other four carried spears and knives. The one in the center stepped forward. "You have come to steal another cub ?" he asked.

John stepped forward to speak. "We didn't realize that they were young," he said. "We don't wish to steal cubs."

"When the others of your kind stole a cub," the man said. "It made the Matri very angry. She has been attacking our village. Our children have been taken."

"Oh John," Teyla said.

"We have to bring that cub back," Rodney said stepping forward next to him. "People are getting hurt."

The leader looked stern, He walked towards them along with the four who were with him. The two guards with blasters stayed back and Ronon kept them covered. "Do you know where the missing cub is ?" he asked. "Matri will stop attacking us if her cub is returned."

"Way to go, Rodney. Well sorta," John said awkwardly. "We knew where it was _earlier_ today."

"That was not my fault."

"Then who's was it, Rodney ?"

Teyla coughed loudly.

John focussed back on the leader. "We'll go back to Atlantis and find the animal and bring it here," he said.

"And how can we ensure that you will return ?"

"You have my word."

"Your people have brought great tragedy upon us. We require more."

Without warning one of the men stepped forward and grabbed Rodney by his left arm, pulling him towards them. Rodney found himself with a knife pressed firmly against his throat.

"Sheppard," Ronon said.

"No, Ronon," John said. Rodney would be dead before Ronon could drop them all.

"Your friend will stay here until you return with the animal."

"Agreed," John said. "Don't worry Rodney we'll be right back."

"Uh huh," Rodney said looking scared.

As John moved away towards the gate the man spoke once more. "Matri will attack at sunset. If you have not returned by then we will leave your friend where she hunts to appease her wrath."

oOo

"Crap !" John said as they stepped throught the gate.

"Why did you agree so easily ?" Ronon said angrily.

"I thought they'd just keep him with them. I didn't realize that they were going to put him out as bait."

Elizabeth was watching from the control room. "Where's Doctor McKay ?" she asked.

"Start an organized search," John said. "I'll be sending more marines and lab personnel to help."

Teyla nodded and she left with Ronon as John made his way upstairs to brief Elizabeth.

Elizabeth stood in her office looking out across the control center as John told the story. She turned to face him. "So Rodney agreed to watch this animal while you went on a date ?"

John looked uncomfortable. "Well just a walk out on the pier actually."

"And now Rodney is stranded and in danger because of this animal cub ?"

"We only have a few hours to find it," John said. "Their sunset is at six Atlantis time."

"Go," Elizabeth said. "Use all the personnel that you need. But we'll be talking about this later."

John nodded and left to find Radek.

oOo

"Can you do it ?" John asked Radek as he handed him several hand held life signs detectors.

"I don't know," he said. "It is delicate it will take a while."

"You have an hour," John said. "We have to find Fred within the next six hours."

"Fred ?"

"Don't ask. I'll be back for those in an hour."

As Radek muttered something (John really didn't want to know what) John walked out of the lab. Thanks to an alert from Elizabeth everyone was looking for the cub. People were looking under tables and behind trash cans. Teyla walked up to John.

"There is no sign of the animal," she said. "I am concerned for Doctor McKay's safety."

"Radek is modifying several LSD's so that they will pick up the smaller life sign," John said looking around. "They'll be ready in an hour."

Teyla nodded. "We will continue," she said.

oOo

Rodney had been dragged back to the village and thrown into a concrete cell with a small window and a heavy wooden door. His hands were manacled in front of him and he was hot, hungry, tired and thirsty. He banged on the wooden door. "Hey !" he yelled. "How about some water or something ?"

The guard opened the door and stepped inside. "Quiet," he said. "You will be taken for punishment soon."

"What ? I don't understand," Rodney said. "I didn't take the cub."

"But your people did and you will be held responsible," the guard said closing the door.

"Oh this is so not fair," Rodney said.

oOo

John took the LSDs from Radek. "Thank you," he said.

"You are welcome," Radek said. "I hope that it helps to save Rodney."

"You don't hate him as much as you make out do you ?"

"Don't ever tell him that."

"Your secret is safe with me," John said as he left. He distributed the six LSDs to Teyla and Ronon (who had gene carrying marines with them), Lorne and two other marine sergeants. "OK, I'll take this section," he said pointing to a map. "Ronon's team there, Teyla, Lorne, Gibson and then Perry in this last section." John pointed at each section of the map in turn. "We'll start on this level. I'm hoping that it's just scared and hiding. Don't hurt it. If you find it just call me on the radio and I'll bring a cage and some food. OK ? Go."

oOo

Rodney was sitting on the bed when he heard the door being unlocked. He looked up as the two guards walked in.

"Come," one of them said and Rodney stood up.

"Where are you taking me ?" he asked as they shoved him roughly through the door.

"You will see."

Rodney was pushed into a large open room. Several of those who Rodney presumed to be leaders were sitting in a semi circle opposite the door. The man who had talked with John was sitting in the middle. Two other men stood to Rodney's right and the two guards stood by the door which had been closed behind him.

"In our culture," the leader in the middle spoke. "It is the custom to allow the closest male relative of a victim to exact punishment for a crime."

"But I haven't done anything," Rodney said. "I've never even been to this planet before."

"Yet you represent those who did. However," the leader raised his hand to silence Rodney as he opened his mouth to speak. "It is as you say. You are not personally responsible and therefore they will not execute you immediately. Despite the severity of the incident you will be given a chance to survive."

"This isn't right," Rodney said. "The other team meant no harm. They didn't intend..."

"Whatever their intent harm was done and there must be consequences." He gestured and one of the two men walked over.

The man spoke slowly, clearly upset. "My son," he said. "Had only had five cycles of life before he was taken by the Matri..."

"I'm sorry," Rodney said.

"Silence !" the leader snapped and one of the guards backhanded Rodney.

Rodney fell to his knees, blood dribbling from his lip.

"He should be left for the Matri," the man finished speaking and then walked back while the second man stepped forward.

"My daughter also only had five cycles of life," the second man said. "And was betrothed to a good family. This is a double blow to our family." The man choked with emotion for a moment before continuing. "I concur with my brother." He swiftly kicked Rodney in the face and Rodney cried out in pain and brought his hands up to his face as fresh blood gushed from his nose. "Leave him out for the Matri."

"You have been judged," the leader said. He nodded and the two guards grabbed Rodney by his arms and pulled him to his feet. "Take him to the obelisk," he said.

"Wait," Rodney said. "You were supposed to give my friends time."

"You may still have time. Matri does not hunt until the sun disappears from the sky...usually." He nodded and the guards dragged Rodney out through a side door.

oOo

"We've found it, sir," Sergeant Gibson's voice came over John's radio. "Northeast section by the botony lab."

"Stay put, don't do anything. I'm coming," John replied grabbing the small cage and a bowl of meatloaf that he'd taken from the mess hall.

As he turned the corner where Sergeant Gibson was he heard him being chewed out by Major Lorne.

"What is the matter with you Sergeant ?" Lorne was saying loudly. "Can you not follow a simple order ? You were told to stay back."

"What is it, Major ?" John asked.

"Sir," Major Lorne replied. He stood back so that John could see the cub sprawled on the floor.

"It was escaping, sir," Sergeant Gibson said. "I only stunned it."

John picked up the unconscious animal. "I can't take it back like this," he said. "It looks dead. Now what do we do ?"

oOo

"I'm not a veterinarian !" Carson announced loudly.

John had the cub laid out on one of the examination beds. It was now a grey/brown color. "Well I was kinda hoping that you could give it some kind of stimulant."

"I don't know anything about animals. I could kill the wee bairn."

"We've got to do something. I can't take it back like this and we don't have time to wait for the stun to wear off."

Carson sighed. "Well I could try the smallest dose I suppose," he said.

oOo

Rodney was miserable. He was sitting at the base of the obelisk with his hands chained behind him. The chain was attached to a large metal ring at the back of the column. His nose was throbbing and his left eye was swollen almost completely shut. The guards had been unneccessarily rough and had thrown him against the obelisk so now his back was hurting too. Add to that that he never did get any water from them and he was totally resolved to never do a good deed again. Ever ! Assuming that he lived through this one that is. He had a power bar in his pocket but with his hands chained he couldn't reach it. And then there was the radiation exposure from being stuck in the sun for so long. Not that that was going to be a problem for much longer as rapidly as the sun was setting.

He could hear the Matri as she roared, searching for her cub. And unless he was imagining it she was getting closer...

oOo

John stepped through the event horizon carrying a very drowsy but at least somewhat awake Fred in a large cat carrier. Ronon and Teyla stepped through after him and they all emerged on the planet.

No one was waiting at the gate which was not entirely unexpected. It was twilight and the sun was only just above the horizon. John tapped his radio. "Rodney ?" he said.

Rodney heard his name but wasn't able to answer. "Voice activated," he thought. "We need voice activated radios."

John, Ronon and Teyla quickly made their way towards the village.

"It's gettin' dark," Ronon said.

"I know," John replied as he walked into the largest building hoping that it was the leaders house which it was. The leader turned towards them, startled. Quickly regaining his composure he smiled slightly. "You have returned," he said. "And you have the cub."

"Yes we do," John said. "Where's Rodney ?"

"He is at the obelisk," the man replied calmly. "It is the mid point between Matri's lair and the village. I suggest that you hurry," he added.

John and Ronon exchanged glances. "He had better be all right," John said as they ran outside.

They ran towards the monument as they heard the big cat roar.

oOo

Rodney stared wide eyed as the creature approached. It had looked bad enough from a distance. Up close it looked downright mean. It was about the size of a large lion but its features were decidedly rat-like. It had teeth and fur like a cat but the ears and nose of a rodent. It was an odd combination. This animal wasn't going to win any beauty contests that's for sure. Not that that was what was riveting Rodney's attention as he held his breath watching the saliva drip from the animal's fangs.

"Matri !" The shout came from John as he ran into the clearing. The beast turned to face him, eyes narrowed.

John put the cage down, opened the door and stood back. The Matri stopped and sniffed the air and then let out a cry that was almost a meow. The young cub stepped out of the cage, staggered slightly, and then ran to it's mother, mewing loudly.

The Matri licked the cub and then, with a quick look towards John, ran back the way that it had come with the cub following.

"It's about time," Rodney said as John ran towards him. "They are not friendly people."

"So I see," John said looking at Rodney's face.

Ronon used his blaster to sever the chain at the back of the obelisk.

"If their children were being killed then I can understand," Teyla said helping Rodney to his feet.

"But it wasn't me that caused this," Rodney said wiping his nose. He grabbed the power bar from his pocket and started to unwrap it. "Anyone got any water ?"

oOo

A few hours later they were sitting in the mess hall drinking hot cocoa. Rodney had a large bandage across his face and a slightly sleepy expression courtesy of the pain medication that Carson had given him. John sat opposite him and Ronon was sprawled on a chair to Rodney's left. Teyla was sitting next to John.

"It just goes to show," Rodney said slowly. "It doesn't pay to do favors for people."

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry ?" John said.

"A few more yet."

"It's just as well it happened," Ronon said. "Since it turned out to be a cub."

"Yes we will have to be more careful in the future about removing animals from their habitat," Teyla said. "Children being killed is such a tragedy."

"Yeah and to add insult to injury," John said. "Wilson came back early and Julie got into trouble so now she's not talking to me."

"I didn't think that you wanted to take her out for conversation," Rodney said.

John smiled crookedly. "Yeah well that's usually where I start."

"Well the next time that you need a favor call someone else," Rodney said. "Maybe Carson will cover for you."

"Oh no," John said. "Never upset the hand that holds the needle."

"But I'm OK ?"

"I'm sorry Rodney. Really sorry."

"You will be," Rodney said quietly.

oOo

There we are. Something different I hope ;D  
reviews?? please... ;)  
debbie


	46. The Batcave

**Disclaimer: **yada yada yada

Just a straightforward one (or as straightforward as I ever get ;D)

**The Batcave.**

"You know Rodney if you hadn't lagged behind we could be warm and dry in the Jumper with Ronon and Teyla right now," John said as he sat in the cave entrance watching the rain pouring down.

"If I'd known that we were about to have a monsoon I might not have," Rodney answered. "Except that I didn't think that breaking my neck falling down that hill would have sped things up any."

"Would've reached the bottom sooner," John said smiling.

"Well we can't all be gazelles."

"Sheppard are ya comin' ?" Ronon asked over the radio.

John tapped his earpiece. "Stay put," he said. "We're safe and dry in a cave. We'll be down when the rain quits."

Rodney was walking to the back shining his flashlight. "Hey," he said. "There's a tunnel back here." He started to follow it.

"Rodney ?" John yelled after him. "Rodney !" he said as he followed. Shining the light on his P90 John soon caught up with him. "Where do you think you're going ?"

"There's nowhere else to go," Rodney said. "And this might lead down to the base of the hill. In the dry," he added.

John shone his light around at the walls. "Well it looks natural, not carved out of the rock," he said. "And it does seem to be sloping downward."

"Stinks a bit in here," Rodney said. "What _are_ we walking in ?" he said shining his light down.

John shone his light upwards. "I believe it's called guano," John said.

"What ?" Rodney said shining his flashlight to the ceiling. "Ew..." he said.

Up above them were hundreds of large bats, hanging upside down from the ceiling, seemingly asleep.

"Don't disturb them," John said.

"Oh," Rodney said. "Right," he shone his light back down in front of them. "Now I've got the willies."

"It's just a few bats," John said.

"A few bats would be about a dozen," Rodney said. "Oh..."

They walked into a large open chamber. In the center was a large statue of a bat with it's wings outstretched. In it's middle encased in an orange stone was a...

"Zed p m," Rodney said. "Oh my God that's a zed p m in there." He walked up to it with his hand outstretched.

"Careful Rodney," John said from behind him.

"Oh. Yeah," Rodney pulled his padd out of his pocket. "No energy readings," he said. "If there's any power running through that zed p m then this amber material surrounding it is effectively blocking it."

Rodney reached out and touched the gemstone.

The amber started to glow and pulse and emit a low rhythmic sound.

There was a noise from behind them. John and Rodney turned to face back the way they had come. "Crap !" John said as bats started to fly into the chamber. Hundreds of bats. Each one about the size of a large housecat.

John raised his P90 and started to fire into the swarm as they attacked them. Behind him he could hear the sound of Rodney's weapon as he did the same.

Teeth bared and claws outstretched the bats were swooping down at them seemingly without end.

"Cover me," Rodney said suddenly and he stopped firing.

"What ?...Rodney...Oh crap !"

John continued to fire at the attacking bats who were scratching both him and Rodney with their claws as they flew low around them. He glanced back at Rodney.

Rodney had pulled the back off his hand held padd and was poking inside it with a small screwdriver. While John was distracted one of the bats landed on Rodney's back, sharp teeth glinted in the light...

Rodney cried out in pain as the animal bit into his shoulder and he almost dropped the padd. John grabbed the bat by one of it's wings and pulled it off him. "Rodney !" he yelled firing his P90 again. "What are you doing ?"

"Trying to..." The padd let out a shrill piercing tone. John winced at the noise and the bats shrieked and veered away back down the tunnel. "Give us a few minutes," Rodney finished as the padd continued to squeal.

"Whoa," John said relaxing for a moment and reloading his weapon.

"We only have a couple of minutes. I've set it to overload. I'll have to reset it in a minute or it will explode."

John reached into his pocket and pulled out a block of C4. He took the padd from Rodney.

"What are you doing ?"

"Watch," John said as he pressed the C4 into the padd and threw it into the tunnel opening.

"Whoa, wo wo wo wo wo wo wo.."

"Take cover !" John yelled pushing Rodney ahead of him and covering him with his body.

The resulting explosion was deafening in the confined space. The entrance to the tunnel caved in and dust filled the chamber.

John sat back on his heels fanning dust away from his face with his hand.

"What the hell have you done ?" Rodney said getting up and glaring at John.

John got to his feet. "I saved us from the bats, Rodney," he said. "You may say thank you."

"You also trapped us in here. In case you hadn't noticed that was the only tunnel. And.." Rodney said loudly waving towards the rockfall. "That was my only padd."

John was silent for a moment as the dust settled. He tapped his radio. "Ronon ? Teyla ?"

"The radio won't penetrate this deep because of the ore," Rodney said. "Typical military solution," he said rubbing dirt out of his hair.

"Did you have a better idea ?"

"I don't know. I never got the opportunity," Rodney sighed. "The important thing is that you tried," he added. "Not that you failed, which you did. Though that's not important. No, the fact that you failed is not important at all."

"I get it Rodney. Look it's not so bad. We've got power bars and water. Ronon will come looking for us."

"Uh huh." Rodney sighed and moved over to the bat statue. "You know," he said. "I'm not even sure that this is a viable zed p m."

"Oh ?" John said happy to change the subject.

"Yeah. It's not attached to anything by the looks of it and it's encased in this amber stuff. Even if it has got any power we'd never be able to free it without significant damage."

"So it's only good for decoration, huh ?"

"Basically...I..." Rodney put his hand to his head and swayed. John caught him as he fell.

"Rodney !"

"Dizzy..." Rodney sat with his head in his hands.

"Did you get bitten ?" John asked.

"That one that...er...landed on me..." Rodney said gesturing vaguely towards his left shoulder.

John pulled Rodney's shirt back. The bite was red and angry looking. And deep. John swore under his breath. He wasn't an expert of course but it looked like the bat's bite may have been poisonous.

oOo

Ronon was getting impatient. Of course patience wasn't one of his virtues at the best of times. Being cooped up in a Puddle Jumper, even with Teyla for company, only made it worse. He tapped the radio control again. "Sheppard," he said. "McKay."

"Perhaps the storm is blocking communication," Teyla said.

"Got through before," Ronon said pacing back and forth. "Somethin's wrong. I can feel it."

"It will be difficult to climb that hill in this weather."

"Beats sittin' here."

Teyla sighed. "Very well," she said. "But if Colonel Sheppard gets upset because we left the Jumper..."

"He won't," Ronon said opening the back door and striding out into the rain.

oOo

Rodney was barely conscious. John had pulled off his tac vest and slipped it under Rodney's head as a makeshift pillow.

"Is it me," Rodney said. "Or is it...getting hot in here ?"

"It's you," John said checking Rodney's forehead. "You're running a major fever."

"Great...how long...?"

"Since you collapsed ? About an hour. Until Ronon gets here ? No idea."

"That's nice...to know," Rodney said weakly.

"Stay with me," John said.

"If he...if I...can you tell...Jeannie...?"

"Nope."

"What do you...mean no ?"

"You're gonna have to talk to her yourself."

"Sheppard..."

"No arguments Rodney...What's that noise ?...Sounds like a blaster." John leapt to his feet and tapped his radio. "Ronon !" he said running towards the caved in tunnel.

"Stay back," Ronon's voice was filled with static.

John stood back. "Rodney," he said. "It's Ronon...Rodney ?" John knelt down next to him. He was unconscious. "Damn," he muttered.

It seemed to take a long time but it was only a few minutes before the red beams from Ronon's blaster burst through and Ronon pushed his way inside.

"What happened ?" Ronon asked.

"We were attacked by the bats," John said. "Rodney got bitten and I think they're poisonous. Better stun one and bring it with us. Carson's gonna need a sample."

"Right."

oOo

Teyla caught up with John and Rodney in the mess hall. "I had gone to the Infirmary to see you," she said to Rodney. "But Carson informed me that he had released you this afternoon."

"Well we were arguing..."

"Discussing," Rodney interjected.

John shrugged. "Discussing which Catwoman was the best one. Carson said that if he was well enough to get into that animated a _discussion _he was well enough to leave."

"There were five you see," Rodney said.

"Five Cat...women ?" Teyla asked.

"No no no no no no no. Not all at once. Just five different actresses. Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, Eartha Kitt and then in the movies there were Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns and Halle Berry in Catwoman."

Teyla looked across at Ronon who was looking bored.

"Selina Kyle was Catwoman's real name you know," Rodney said.

"No I didn't know that," John said looking interested.

"Yeah in the comics she went out with Bruce Wayne before he ended up arresting her for her crimes. She was infatuated with Batman too and has occasionally been depicted as his one true love."

"It's kinda scary that you know that stuff Rodney."

"I know." Rodney stopped and looked around only just realizing that Teyla and Ronon had left. "Where'd everybody go ?"

John looked up. "Guess they're not interested in Catwoman."

"They don't know what they're missing. We'll have to get hold of some DVDs. The only question is which Catwoman," Rodney said thoughtfully.

"My vote is still for Eartha Kitt. That voice...And she even has the name for it. Kitt."

"She still can't hold a candle to Julie Newmar..."

oOo

As always I love reviews ;D  
Debbie


	47. The Wishing Stone I

**Disclaimer: **whatever.

OK. I'm doing something completely different. This opening (and premise) fit two different stories so well that I felt that I really should write both of them. It centers about a mis-spoken wish. "Rodney I wish you'd..." In the first one it's "go away" and in the second it's "shut up" (thanks to "Rodney McKay" (really! check it out) for that suggestion). So I've written them together and I'm posting them together. They both start out the same (identical to where Rodney says "Ah. Bad time ?") so...

**The Wishing Stone. (Version 1)**

John was feeling pretty pleased with himself. He had successfully negotiated (with Teyla's help) a treaty that exchanged basic medical supplies for naquadah ore (which made Rodney happy). Now if he could only persuade Rodney to stay away from him for a while as he got to know Veralee better...

She was slim, dark haired and pretty and seemingly unattached. At least no one seemed to object as they sat together by the ornamental pond. "_Oh yeah_," John thought. "_Life is good_."

Veralee looked up at him from her seat on the stone bench. "You are so kind, John," she said.

"That's just my nature," John said smiling and leaning closer. "To be nice."

"I have a gift for you," she said smiling.

"Really ? You don't have to..."

Veralee opened her hand, palm up and John had to move back to see what she was holding.

In her hand was a small, flat, black stone about the size of a silver dollar. It had a bluish tinge to it.

"It is called a wishing stone," she said. "It is very rare to find one that has not been depleted."

John took it from her and held it up to look at it. It had several colors swirled through it that showed up in the light. It felt warm in his hand.

"It can not give you love," Veralee said.

"I don't need a stone for that," John said slipping the stone into his pocket. "Now where were we ?" he said softly sliding closer.

"John ?"

John rolled his eyes, mere inches from Veralee. "What is it Rodney ?" he asked. Really, the man's timing was impeccable.

"Er...Elizabeth wanted to know when the naquadah would be delivered," he said. "You didn't have your radio on."

John looked down. "I'll be right there," he said. "In just a few minutes."

"Ah. Bad time ?"

"Let's just say right now I wish you'd just go far away," John said turning. He looked around. Rodney had left. John smiled and turned back to Veralee.

Veralee sat frozen with a shocked look on her face.

"What ?" John said.

"Your friend," she said quietly.

"What about him ? His timing's always been lousy."

"You wished," she said. "The stone..."

John reached into his pocket and pulled the stone out. It was now a dull red color and felt cool to his touch.

"Oh crap !" John said.

oOo

"What do you mean you don't know where he is ?" Elizabeth managed to convey her irritation even over a comm link through a stargate wormhole.

"I...er...was given this stone. Apparently it can grant a wish..."

"And you wished that Rodney would go away ?"

"Um. Yeah."

"Why ?"

"Well I didn't know that the stone would work and I didn't think..."

"I see."

The silence was deafening.

"So um can you send some Jumpers through so that I...we can search for him ?"

"Of course. The Daedalus will divert to you as well but that will take a couple of days. Do you realize how long it will take to check an entire planet ?"

John looked awkward. He was glad that Elizabeth couldn't see him. "Using Jumpers to scan for his transponder ...about ...four days ?"

"And Rodney has no supplies ?"

"Er...no..."

"I will be sending all available Jumpers and pilots," Elizabeth said. "You had better work out an optimum search grid."

oOo

Rodney stood looking around him. "What the hell ?" he said. It was night where he was with twin moons shining low in the sky casting everything in a milky white hue. As far as he could see it was all desert. Sand stretched unbroken for miles in all directions with no sign of shelter. He scratched his head, thinking. He had deliberately interrupted John in order to derail some of the problems that they had faced in the past. He winced at the thought of the arrow that he'd received in the back the last time that something like this happened.

Now he found himself sent where ? He checked the sky. Halfway around the planet by the looks of it. "Crap !" he said out loud. "_OK_," he thought. "_Radio won't work over this distance not to mention the naquadah ore in the area...Got glucose tablets and a couple of power bars...no water...wonderful...need to try to find shelter preferably before sunrise_."

He looked around. Everything looked the same in all directions so figuring that it really didn't matter which way he went he started to walk.

oOo

John had a map spread out on the table in front of him. Veralee was standing opposite helping him to decypher it and Carson was standing to his left. Major Lorne was standing next to Veralee.

"The radiation from the ore in the planet's crust is interfering with the sensors," Lorne was saying. "So we can't fly real high because all we'll get is static. We'll have to fly low enough that it will almost be a visual search."

"What have we got here Veralee ?" John asked.

"Well this area is ocean and it's real cold this time of year," she said pointing to the map. "Here and here are the polar ice caps. They stay frozen all of the time. On the far side is desert and here is where we are. It's really the only habitable place on the planet."

"OK," Carson said. "We need to search the ocean and the ice caps first. If Rodney's there he won't survive those temperatures for very long. Of course the desert's not much better but at least his life expectancy won't be measured in hours. Assuming that he can find water that is. My God man if ya wanted to kill him there are easier ways."

"Trust me, Carson," John said. "That was never my intention."

"Well I've brought enough nurses and medics so there's one on each Jumper," Carson said. "I'm kinda hoping that we don't need them but..."

"Are you clear Major ?" John said.

"Yes sir. We'll stay in touch."

"While the others check the oceans and ice caps I guess I'll start on the desert area," John said as Major Lorne left.

"I'm comin' with ya," Carson said.

oOo

Using his pen flashlight Rodney checked his watch. He'd been walking for a little over two hours. He slipped a glucose tablet into his mouth and sucked on it trying to wet his mouth a little. It really didn't help and tasted nasty. "_You'd think that a sugar tablet would taste better_," he thought.

There was no sign of any water or shelter. In fact where he was now looked no different from where he'd been two hours earlier. He knew that he'd been walking in a straight line because he'd been heading towards a tall tree-like thing in the distance. Not that it looked any closer mind you. He stopped and rubbed his eyes. The sky was starting to get lighter near the horizon. Soon the sun would be rising and then things were going to get hot. He swore to himself that if he ever got out of this he was going to punch John Sheppard right in the nose. He didn't know how he did it but he was sure that it was John's fault somehow...

oOo

John and Carson flew in silence as they crossed the sea each deep in thought and worried about Rodney.

"What were you thinking ?" Carson said eventually.

"I wasn't. I didn't realise that a stone could actually grant a random wish. It wasn't even a wish just a figure of speech. I was a little irritated with him is all."

"Oh ? What had he done this time ?"

"Nothing really," John said banking towards the desert area. "His timing was just kinda lousy was all."

"Because of that dark haired lassie ?"

"Hum, yeah. And I'm going to owe him a major apology."

Carson pulled up the HUD and pointed to their starting grid. "I hope he's alive for you to give it," he said.

oOo

Rodney was feeling progressively worse. The sun was now high in the sky. His head was pounding and he was starting to feel dizzy. He had taken off his tac vest some time earlier but didn't remember dropping it. He could see a strange glassy pyramid in the distance but he wasn't sure if it was real or not. He stumbled and brought his hand up to his face. His skin felt moist and clammy. He took a few more steps forward and fell unconscious onto the hot sand.

oOo

John and Carson had started a grid search at the edge of the desert.

"It's getting hot," Carson said.

"How long can he survive ?" John asked.

"Without water ? Not too much longer."

John pulled up the HUD. He changed the view to a 3D map of the planet and plotted a course. He started to turn towards the center of the desert heading for a grid that he had highlighted.

"What are ya doing ?" Carson asked.

"See this spot here," John said pointing to the highlighted area on the HUD. "It's directly opposite where I was when I told him to er go far away..."

"So it's the position that is the furthest away," Carson said. "It's logical. I hope you're right."

"We'll know in a moment..."

John accelerated towards the location. He was worried and had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"There !" Carson said suddenly pointing forward.

Stretching out ahead of them were a line of footprints in the sand. They swiftly followed them, skimming low only yards from the surface.

"Rodney !" John said suddenly as he saw him sprawled face down, the black of his uniform a stark contrast to the light sand.

As John lowered the door Carson was already at the back of the Jumper. He rushed to Rodney's side. He turned him over and began to rapidly assess him.

"He's showing signs of heat stroke," Carson said. "Help me get him in the Jumper out of this heat. Turn the AC down and wet some cloths. We have to bring his body temperature down. I'm gonna start an IV. Get some fluids in him. Then we need to get him to the Infirmary on Atlantis."

"I'll let the others know that we've found him," John said.

oOo

The next day John came to visit Rodney in the cool of the Infirmary. Rodney was still hooked up to the IV and seemed to be asleep. His face and hands showed signs of sunburn. John was about to leave when Rodney opened his eyes. "Hey," he said. "Don't go."

John sat at the foot of the bed. He smiled crookedly. "I thought you were asleep," he said. "I didn't want to disturb you."

"It's OK," Rodney said. "Been sleeping a lot just lately. Carson says it's because my fluid levels got so low."

"Sorry about what happened. Who would believe that a stone could...?"

"Well the irony of it is that the main reason that I interrupted you was so that I wouldn't end up on the receiving end of trouble," Rodney said. "So much for that plan."

"Oh really ?"

"Well I didn't see any arrows but then I didn't see the last one coming either."

"No arrows this time. Just nearly got you cooked."

Rodney laughed. "Yeah next time I'm leaving you to it. Getting far away."

"I thought that's what you did this time..."

oOo

OK. That's the first version. Now go on to the second.  
Pick your favorite and review (or even better review both!!)

debbie.


	48. The Wishing Stone II

**Disclaimer: **whatever.

OK. Hopefully by now you've read version 1 so you kinda know what's going on (if not PLEASE go back and do so. Seriously. I'll wait...OK ? Right. Here we go then.)

**The Wishing Stone. (Version 2)**

John was feeling pretty pleased with himself. He had successfully negotiated (with Teyla's help) a treaty that exchanged basic medical supplies for naquadah ore (which made Rodney happy). Now if he could only persuade Rodney to stay away from him for a while as he got to know Veralee better...

She was slim, dark haired and pretty and seemingly unattached. At least no one seemed to object as they sat together by the ornamental pond. "_Oh yeah_," John thought. "_Life is good_."

Veralee looked up at him from her seat on the stone bench. "You are so kind, John," she said.

"That's just my nature," John said smiling and leaning closer. "To be nice."

"I have a gift for you," she said smiling.

"Really ? You don't have to..."

Veralee opened her hand, palm up and John had to move back to see what she was holding.

In her hand was a small, flat, black stone about the size of a silver dollar. It had a bluish tinge to it.

"It is called a wishing stone," she said. "It is very rare to find one that has not been depleted."

John took it from her and held it up to look at it. It had several colors swirled through it that showed up in the light. It felt warm in his hand.

"It can not give you love," Veralee said.

"I don't need a stone for that," John said slipping the stone into his pocket. "Now where were we ?" he said softly sliding closer.

"John ?"

John rolled his eyes, mere inches from Veralee. "What is it Rodney ?" he asked. Really, the man's timing was impeccable.

"Er...Elizabeth wanted to know when the naquadah would be delivered," he said. "You didn't have your radio on."

John looked down. "I'll be right there," he said. "In just a few minutes."

"Ah. Bad time ?"

"Let's just say right now I wish you'd just shut up Rodney," John said. Smiling he turned back to Veralee who was looking at him with a shocked expression on her face.

"What ?" John said.

Rodney grabbed him by his collar and pulled him to his feet.

"Let go of me," John said pulling himself free.

Rodney was clearly furious but he wasn't saying anything although he seemed to be trying to.

"Your friend," Veralee said. "You wished...the stone..."

John looked horrified as what she said sunk in. Rodney pushed him away in frustration and put his hand over his eyes. John staggered slightly and reached into his pocket pulling out the stone. It was now a dull red color and felt cool to his touch.

"Oh crap !" he said.

oOo

John, Veralee and Rodney sat down at the main table each with a glass of Java juice which tasted remarkably like pineapple.

"OK let me get this straight," John said. "That stone will grant any one wish ...permanently ?"

"Yes," Veralee replied.

"And it can't be reversed ?"

"Only with another stone."

"And they're very rare."

"Oh yes," Veralee said. "It is extremely difficult to obtain one that is unused."

Rodney pushed his laptop across to John. "_We __ARE__ going to get one!_" he had typed.

John smiled weakly as Rodney gave him the kind of look that could peel paint off a wall.

"So...er...where do you get one of those wishing stones ?" John asked.

"You must travel across the great sea to the pyramid in the desert. Once you have passed the challenge then it is said that you can claim a single stone."

"Where did you get this one ?" John asked fingering the stone.

"Oh my fourth husband gave it to me," Veralee said smiling. "As a betrothal gift."

"Your...fourth...?" John said slowly. "How many husbands do you have ?"

"Eleven," she smiled. "So far..."

John went pale.

Rodney didn't bother hiding his amusement but he soon looked serious again and typed on his keyboard. "_Get_ _the map and_ _let's go." _Rodney clicked his fingers in John's face.

"Right," John said getting up. "We've got to go."

They headed for the Jumper. Rodney walked in first with his laptop under his arm and sat down in the co-pilots seat.

John paused for a moment and looked back at Veralee who smiled and waved at him.

John smiled weakly and walked into the craft. He sat in the pilots seat and closed the back door. Rodney tapped him on the arm and gestured back towards Veralee grinning.

"You don't have to rub it in, Rodney. I'm sorry. Let's go and fix this," he said firing up the engines.

oOo

It was a short flight across the sea to the large desert area. With the aid of the map they soon located the pyramid. John circled it and landed on the side away from the sun where a podium stood several feet away from the structure. The pyramid was made of a glassy type of stone and it shone in the fading sunlight.

They walked up to the podium. It had a flat screen on top. John placed his hand on it and it lit up in response to his ATA gene. A flat panel opened in the side of the pyramid revealing a tunnel leading inside.

Rodney looked around wide eyed as they walked inside. The stone itself emitted a soft glow and bathed everything in a golden light. The substance was like glass but opaque. The tunnel opened into a large square room. A single machine stood in the middle. Rodney looked across the controls. He shrugged and turned to John. "_I don't know_," he mouthed silently.

"Well we really don't have a choice," John said putting his hand firmly on the controls.

oOo

With a flash of golden light the room disappeared and they found themselves standing in a circular arena. Their weapons were missing. In their place Rodney had a short spear and John found himself holding a stubby Roman style sword. They each had a small circular shield in their left hand.

"This doesn't look good," John said.

Rodney looked at him, clearly afraid and then, swallowing hard, he looked around the arena.

Appearing out of nowhere stood two, for want of a better term, gladiators. They were tall and muscular and armed similarly to John and Rodney except that instead of a spear one held a trident. They walked towards John and Rodney, their intent clear.

The man holding the sword moved towards John, the other towards Rodney.

The fighting began suddenly as the man with the sword swung it at John and he blocked it with his shield swinging his own sword at the man who also blocked the blow.

Rodney could hear them behind him as the man with the trident circled around in front and then lunged towards him. Rodney clumsily deflected the blow and backed away, watching him carefully, trying not to be distracted by the sounds of John's battle.

The man advanced again only this time he hooked the spear that Rodney was holding with his trident and forced it out of his hand. He then began to drive Rodney back, landing blow after blow on the shield until Rodney fell backwards, dropping the shield.

The man stood ready to deliver the fatal blow.

Suddenly he stiffened and fell forwards. Rodney saw a sword jutting out of his back. Rodney looked across at John just as the second gladiator plunged his sword deep into John's abdomen, angled up through his chest.

_"No !" _Rodney cried out silently his eyes wide in shock and fear. Grabbing his spear from the ground he threw it as hard as he could at the gladiator who was standing over John. It was an excellent throw, born of desperation. Straight and true it plunged deep into the gladiator's chest. The man fell and disappeared, just as the other one had.

Rodney ran over to John who was gasping for breath. He had never felt so helpless in his life. There was so much blood. It covered John's shirt and was pooling on the ground beneath him. Blood dribbled from John's mouth as he struggled to breathe.

Rodney lifted John's head slightly. Sitting down next to him he supported him with his own body. He wanted to say something but he couldn't. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to stop the tears...

John looked up at him. "Well buddy...we tried," he gasped. "I'm sorry...we had some good...times though..."

Rodney could feel himself starting to choke up. "_No, no, no, " _he kept silently repeating to himself. "_This cannot be happening. It_ _should be me lying there..."_

Without warning a tall, golden skinned, fair haired man stood before them. A look of serenity on his face. He was dressed in a loose toga, held with a large golden clasp on his right shoulder.

"You may state your wish now," he said. "What is your desire ?"

Rodney wanted to ask for John to be healed. Somehow it seemed OK to ask for the impossible. Rodney didn't believe in God but this man had the look of Deity about him. But he couldn't speak and although he tried no sound came out.

"A wishing...stone," John said weakly. "I want a...wishing stone for my...friend..."

"_No !" _Rodney silently mouthed at him. "_Help yourself..."_

The golden man looked down at them and Rodney found himself returning the gaze.

"You have passed the trial. Because you did not ask for yourself but for your friend you may indeed have a wishing stone...And healing too."

The man faded from view. Rodney looked down at John open mouthed as the wound healed itself before his eyes. John blinked and sat up. If not for the rip in his shirt and the blood there would have been no sign of the fatal blow. John opened his left hand to reveal a small black stone.

John grabbed Rodney by his collar. "Before I mess this up," he said. "I wish for your voice to be restored to normal, Rodney." He dropped the stone, now a dull red, onto the ground and let go of Rodney's shirt.

"Oh my God," Rodney said slumping against the stone he sat with his back to the wall. John sat next to him as the arena faded away and was replaced with the original room. "What just happened ?"

"I'm not sure," John said looking at the remains of his shirt. "Let's go home, huh ?"

"You don't want to go back and see Veralee ?" Rodney said getting up.

John stood and dusted himself off. He looked up at Rodney who was smiling broadly. "You know I really don't want to be number twelve," he said.

"So you've learned your lesson ?" Rodney asked as they walked out.

"For now."

oOo

There we go. Something different.  
Rodney didn't get quite so beaten up in this one at least not physically.

Love some reviews as always. debbie


	49. Sleepless In Atlantis

**Disclaimer:** Whatever

This one is one of those that is what it is...(thanks to Tenchi of light21 for the title ;D)

**Sleepless In Atlantis.**

Rodney stood completely still in the doorway to the mess hall. Everybody else had also stopped and were silent.

Water dripped from Rodney's hair and ran down his face dribbling from his nose and eyebrows.

The data padd in his right hand sparked and sizzled as the water shorted out it's circuits. A small plume of white smoke curled up from it.

On his left side Julia McBrian stood frozen in place, the now empty cup held out in front of her.

On his right side Laura Cadman, the intended target, was trying not to laugh and failing miserably.

John, who had seen the whole incident, was also trying not to smile. Really he was. He too was failing miserably but he _was_ trying. Some things were just too funny.

Rodney sighed and without a word he turned and walked back out of the room.

The laughter echoed out into the hallway as Ronon walked in. "What did I miss ?" he asked.

"Rodney got baptized," John said getting up. He left Ronon standing by the table looking puzzled and walked out after Rodney.

Rodney walked into the main lab scowling, threw the padd down on the table with a loud clatter, went into his room at the back and closed the door. Radek stopped and watched him for a moment and then went back to his screen.

John walked in and started to head for the back door.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," Radek said.

"Yeah I know," John said. "I saw him get hit with the water."

"It's not that," Radek said. "It's that," he added pointing to the padd on the table.

"It's just a data padd."

"Yes but he was working on completing that subroutine for most of the night."

"Oh..." John said.

Rodney looked up briefly as John entered the room and then went back to entering data on another data padd.

"Hey," John said. "You OK ?"

Rodney sat back and crossed his arms. "I've just had over six hours work go completely down the toilet. So right now I'm just peachy thank you."

"So why were you in the mess hall and couldn't you save the data ?"

"The padd is fried Colonel. Although it might be possible to salvage some of the data it will be easier to recreate it. Easier being a relative term of course." Rodney sighed. "It was a complicated subroutine that needed to be uploaded to the mainframe before it could be assimilated into the programming. I was on my way to do that but since you'd said that you wanted to see me I thought that I could grab a cup of coffee, meet with you and then load the program into the main computer at the console in the control room. At least that was the theory. What did you need anyway ?"

"I...um...wanted to remind you to get some sleep because we're heading out to MP7635 this afternoon since it will be ...morning there ...then..." John said awkwardly.

Rodney just stared at him.

"Well I er heard that you were pulling an all nighter so..." John added quietly.

"Wonderful. Well thanks to the juvenile behavior in the mess hall sleep is out of the question."

"Can't it wait, Rodney ?"

"OK. I've been working on this thing off and on for days now. I just had an epiphany and I need to recreate it while it's still fresh in my mind. Do you have any idea how complicated this algorithm is ?"

"No but I'm sure you're gonna tell me. What makes it so damn important anyway ?"

"Nothing. Unless you want to be able to fire the drones. Nothing at all," Rodney said waving his hand.

"Oh it's _that_ subroutine. The one that Elizabeth has been riding you about." Rodney had been complaining about hitting a roadblock with it every day for a week.

"Right. Now out. I've got work to do. I'll meet you later."

oOo

Rodney was ready and waiting in the gateroom when John walked in. "Did you get it finished ?" John asked.

Rodney shrugged and stood resting his hands on his P90. "Program's loaded," he said flatly. "All the drones are operational."

Ronon and Teyla walked up and Chuck dialled the gate. They stepped through to a beautiful sunrise. Rodney blinked in the light. He was so tired that his eyes were hurting. "_Hope this doesn't take long_," he thought.

Rodney took his hand held padd from his pocket. "This way," he said pointing towards the sunrise. "The energy reading is over there. No life signs," he added.

John nodded as he slipped his sunglasses on. He knew that Rodney was tired so he just wanted to check out the strange readings and then leave. He could have taken another scientist but he knew that then Rodney would have brooded for days.

With John leading the way they walked through the grass towards the trees.

When they got to the treeline Rodney checked again and pointed. "Still there," he said.

"You know what McKay," Ronon said as they walked through the trees. "I like you tired."

"Oh ?"

"Yeah you're quieter this way."

"Funny. When we get back I'm gonna sleep for a week."

"Nah," John said. "One day, max."

"That's as long as you can stay out of the kitchen," Ronon said.

"You're lucky I'm too tired to think of a good answer to that," Rodney said checking his padd. "Should be... Yep. That's it."

They could see a one story building through the trees. When they got to the door Rodney waved his hand in front of the door control. Nothing happened.

"Of course that wouldn't work," Rodney muttered pulling the cover off the control. "That would have been too easy."

As Rodney messed with the control John idly looked around. He really didn't understand why the ancients built so many facilities and then just abandoned them. Seemed like an awful waste of time to him.

Rodney was digging around in his pack.

"What's up ?" John asked.

"Someone stole a couple of the control crystals," he said. "I've got some spares here..."

He pulled several crystals out of his pack and sorted through them.

"Be funny if you don't have the right one," Ronon said.

"Hilarious," Rodney replied slotting two of the crystals into place. The door slid open with a barely audible hiss. He walked inside, the lights turning on as he went.

"Wait up Rodney," John said tapping him on the shoulder. "Us first, remember."

"Huh. Oh yeah," Rodney stopped and let John pass. "The source seems to be straight ahead of us," he said.

John nodded and led the way to an open room. Several corridors led off from it. A large machine stood in the middle with lights flashing on and off on the display. Rodney walked across to it. As he reached the screen a design appeared and a short tune played. Rodney stared at the screen for a moment, raised an eyebrow and then hit a few buttons. The screen faded back into data. "Curious," he said.

"What was that ?" John asked.

"Er...a fairly simplistic logic problem," Rodney said. "It's just odd how it came up like that...OK this machine seems to be generating a low level energy field...what the ?" he said after a few moments.

Another puzzle had appeared on the screen. Rodney frowned in irritation and punched a few buttons returning the screen to his data. "O...K...Now it's a strange radiation, I'm just not sure if it's supposed to be keeping something out or something in... What...? This is getting annoying..."

Another puzzle appeared. Rodney punched several buttons and it disappeared again.

"It looks like there used to be other machines here at some point," Teyla said. She indicated marks on the floor. Rodney looked across and then went back to the data once more.

Another puzzle appeared. "Nuts !" Rodney said dispatching it.

"Rodney," John said. "Are those puzzles getting more difficult ?"

Rodney stopped and looked at him. "No," he said. "I don't think so. Why ?"

"Because you seem to be getting slower..."

"What ?" he peered at the screen. "Oh," he said. "Crap. I've been doing this all wrong. If I wasn't so tired I might have seen it sooner."

"Seen what ?" Teyla asked.

"This radiation seems to affect your brain," Rodney said as another puzzle popped up. "What I need to do is answer incorrectly so that it will turn off..." He punched in a different code. The screen flashed red and the machine powered down. "That's why there were constant puzzles. To monitor your exposure. The field must have been to protect them from something but only for short periods."

"OK," John said. "Protect them from what and did you say that this radiation affects your brain ?"

"Oh you'll be fine...probably. And I have no idea...Zed p m is useless," he added. "Been running this machine for God knows how long. It's almost completely depleted."

"Wait. So you don't know what it was protecting or why and this radiation can fry your brain ?" John asked again.

"Well that's a simplistic way of putting it but yeah," Rodney said. "Look I'll download the data onto my padd," he added. "Maybe I'll find more back at the lab. Aside from that we're done here." Rodney pulled a cable from the side of his padd and began the download. It only took a couple of minutes. "OK," he said unplugging it. "Ow !" Rodney moved back away from the machine lifting his right foot and looking at the floor.

"Rodney ?"

"Something bit me."

John shone the light from his P90 underneath the machine. When the light hit it a small brown snake slithered further under the machine, away from the beam.

"Snake !" John said.

"There's more of 'em," Ronon said pulling out his gun and firing down the hallway.

Rodney felt pain like a fire spread up his leg. He dropped his data padd and would have fallen if Teyla hadn't stepped in to catch him. Teyla helped Rodney along the hallway as Ronon cleared the way in front of them and John kept them at bay from behind.

"The data...padd and my...pack..." Rodney said.

"Crap !" John said. He kept firing and made his way back while Ronon protected Rodney and Teyla who was supporting most of Rodney's weight.

John came running back up the hallway with the pack and padd in hand. "I've got a couple of dead snakes for Carson to make an antivenom," he said. "Let's get out of here."

Once out of the building John pulled the crystals to seal the door. Then he went over to Rodney who was sitting under a tree with his eyes clenched tight in pain.

John pulled out his knife and slit Rodney's pants up to his right knee.

"What are you doing ?" Rodney said seeing the knife. "Oh no no no no no no no. You're not..."

"Hold still," John said nodding at Ronon who gripped him by the shoulders. "We've got to get as much of that poison out as we can..."

Rodney yelped as John cut at the wound site. "Stop it," he said. "I don't want you to..."

"Relax Rodney," John said opening a pouch with a small suction pump inside. "You've been watching too many movies. I've got a snake bite kit."

oOo

The next evening John went to see Rodney in the Infirmary. With the help of some morphine Rodney had slept for almost twenty four hours and at this moment was sitting up in the bed hunched over his laptop.

"Hey," he said smiling. "You know apart from the sore leg I'm feeling halfways decent."

"Great," John said. "Getting anything from the data ?"

"Oh that's not what I'm checking," Rodney grinned. He turned the screen towards John. What was on there was a video feed from the entrance to the mess hall.

"Did you know," Rodney said. "That a certain pair of female marines always go into breakfast at about five forty five _and_," he added, "They always stop for a moment right about here," he pointed at the screen, " to decide where they're gonna sit ? I don't think that they even realize that they do it but they've stopped within a foot of that exact spot every day."

"Are we meeting for an early breakfast tomorrow ?"

"If you'd like. Carson's letting me out of here tonight. Don't be late..."

oOo

John had to admit when Rodney was right he was right. Almost exactly at five forty five Julia McBrian and Laura Cadman came through the door into the mess hall. And then they stopped right where Rodney said that they would.

They looked around. Laura saw Rodney and John and grinned and nudged Julia.

Rodney raised his left hand in a half wave and pushed a button on the remote control that he was holding loosely in his right hand.

A panel in the ceiling opened and the emergency fire supression system dumped ten gallons of extremely cold water directly down onto the two women.

Laura and Julia stood frozen in place. They were soaked from their hair to their boots. Water puddled onto the floor all around them. They shivered in the sudden cold and had looks of utter shock on their faces.

Rodney got up slowly and walked over to them, limping slightly. "Now _that_," he said straight faced. "Is how you douse someone." He walked out without a backward glance, breaking into a huge grin only after he turned the corner.

John was having a harder time keeping a straight face. He too got up as the soggy marines turned to leave. "McBrian ! Cadman !" he said sharply.

They turned back to face him, still shivering.

"Sir ?" McBrian said.

"Clean this up before you leave," John ordered.

"Yes sir," they said in unison.

"And if I were you," John said as he walked out. "I wouldn't mess with McKay."

oOo

I had the first scene of Rodney dripping in water in my head and just had to play with it. I also figure that it's not inconceivable that they wouldn't necessarily be able to decide what a machine was for ALL the time ;D

debbie


	50. The Advocate Band

**Disclaimer:** Whatever

Something just a little...different ;)

**The Advocate Band.**

"Are you sure you want to do this Colonel ?" Elizabeth asked.

John looked down at his hands for a moment and then back at Elizabeth as they sat at the conference table. "I don't see as we have a lot of choice," he said. "We desperately need the naquadah..."

"Thanks to you," Rodney snorted.

"It's not my fault that Veralee got..er upset and complained to her father Rodney."

"You couldn't have sucked up to her until we at least got one shipment ?" Rodney said turning to face him.

"I could have been husband number twelve by then," John said indignantly. "And I didn't hear you volunteering to hurry back there."

"She wasn't interested in me. For which I'm grateful I might add. She was..."

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth said.

John and Rodney both turned back to face her. Rodney was managing to look surprisingly innocent.

"The Azar people are very war-like," Teyla said. "They pride fighting above all other activities. The leader will not relinquish anything without a physical challenge."

"Well that's where Ronon comes in," John said.

Ronon just grinned. This was a society that he could understand.

"Very well," Elizabeth said. "But don't take any unnecessary risks. We can find naquadah elsewhere."

"Not that easily we can't," Rodney said.

"Quit rubbing it in," John replied.

Elizabeth sighed as they left.

oOo

They stepped out onto the planet and looked around as the wormhole closed behind them.

"Of course it's a fourteen mile hike to the settlement," Rodney said. "Why didn't we bring a Jumper ?"

"They regard it as a sign of weakness to use mechanical means of travel," Teyla said.

"Typical attitude of those who don't _have_ a mechanical means of travel," Rodney said. "How does dragging in after walking all day make you appear stronger ?"

"You'd never understand," Ronon said.

"Besides," John said. "It's not that far. Just a little over five miles."

"So we couldn't take a Jumper at least half way ?" Rodney muttered as they started to walk.

"That would be dishonest," Teyla said.

"Only if we tell them."

oOo

A couple of hours later they were looking up from the valley to the hill where the settlement was located.

"And of course it ends on an upward gradient," Rodney said.

"Good defensive position," Ronon said.

"Not against a Dart," Rodney pointed out. "City on a hill easy to spot," he added waving his hand.

"Well we're almost there," John said. He didn't want to admit it but he agreed with Rodney. He couldn't see any advantage to arriving tired and sweaty either.

"Oh good grief," Rodney said as they got close. "It's even got a moat and drawbridge. Like that could stop a wraith."

"No but that might," John said pointing to twin laser cannons mounted on each turret. "I don't think they're as primitive as they first appear."

"So what's with the "thou shalt walk everywhere" complex ?" Rodney asked looking into the water as they crossed the drawbridge. He jumped back as a crocodile like creature broke the surface a few feet away. "Did you see that ?" he asked pointing.

"It is their culture," Teyla said. "The way that it has always been done."

As they entered the outer walls of the settlement it opened up into a large courtyard surrounded by stone houses. A tall. muscular, man came forward to meet them. Several equally intimidating men stood behind him.

"Greetings," he said warmly a broad grin on his face. "I am Assad leader of the Azer," he said.

"Colonel John Sheppard. This is Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex and that's Doctor Rodney McKay."

"You brought your own physician. Excellent."

"I'm an astrophysicist," Rodney said. "A scientist not a medical Doctor."

"Oh," Assad said sounding disappointed.

John wasn't sure that he liked the sound of that. He exchanged a quick look with Teyla who raised an eyebrow in a silent reply.

"You must freshen up after your journey," Assad said. "Come."

He led them to a large guest chamber in the main castle building and then they were left alone "until the feast" which got Rodney's attention.

"He seems pleasant enough," Teyla said. "And the facilities are..."

"Interesting," Rodney said coming out of the bathroom. "A cross between a hole in the floor and very early modern." He wiped his hands on a towel. "Running water, no seat," he explained.

Teyla just sighed. "These cultures never cater for women's ...needs," she said wistfully.

A short time later two men came to take them to the "hall of feasting" which they had to admit was aptly named.

Two long wooden tables filled most of the room and they were both filled with more food than any of them had seen in a long time. Men and women sat together in cheerful anticipation. The team was seated next to Assad who sat at the head of the first table. His queen, Mira, sat at the head of the second table.

Assad stood and everyone fell silent. "Tonight we feast as we welcome our guests from the great city of Atlantis," he said loudly. "Tomorrow will come the challenge and then we shall trade."

Everyone cheered and yelled banging their cups on the table.

"Enjoy !" Assad declared and then he sat down.

"It is a rare treat for us to meet a trading partner with such a worthy opponent," Assad said to John as he watched Ronon.

"I believe that he's looking forward to it," John said smiling.

"We are too," Assad said also smiling. "We haven't had a good death match in many cycles."

"Excuse me," Rodney said. "Did did you say death match ?"

"Oh don't worry," Assad said waving his hand casually in the air. A servant responded with a goblet full of amber liquid. "They hardly ever go that far any more. It all depends on the leader," he said nodding towards John. "And the Advocate."

Rodney looked across at John who shrugged. "Ronon can look after himself," he said.

"Spoken like a true leader of men," Assad said slapping John on his back.

John winced. That was gonna leave a bruise.

"More wine..." Assad yelled out happily.

oOo

The next morning they woke up back in the guest room. Rodney opened his eyes slowly. He had managed to end up in the middle of the bed although he had no memory of how he came to be there. His mouth felt dry and his head was pounding and it seemed like the design on the ceiling was moving..._"What the hell was in that wine ?" _he thought. Gingerly he sat up squinting in the light streaming in through the window.

Ronon was sprawled on the floor at the foot of the bed. He was flat on his back and snoring loudly. Teyla was curled up in a large chair with it's back to the window. John was propped up in the corner, head down where he'd slumped over during the night.

Rodney eased off the bed and made his way to the bathroom. The shower was cold, "_more tough guy stuff_," he thought, but he emerged feeling pretty decent. And ready for breakfast. He was sitting on the bed toweling his hair dry and wondering if they had something like coffee when John woke up.

"Morning," Rodney said cheerfully.

"Ugh," John said trying to move. "When did the feast end ? And how did we get back here ?"

"I have no idea," Rodney answered. "I don't remember much after the second cup of that wine."

John stood up awkwardly and stretched. He felt really stiff and his back hurt. He walked into the bathroom to freshen up.

By the time that he came back out Ronon and Teyla had woken up.

"Did you use all the hot water McKay ?" John asked.

"All what hot water ? It started off cold."

"Good," said Ronon heading that way.

"Tough guy," Rodney said.

"So much for ladies first," John said.

Teyla just smiled.

oOo

After breakfast (no coffee) Assad gave them the tour of the castle. He ended up in the Tournament room which consisted of a large open air arena surrounded by seating for many people and alcoves and rooms at ground level. "The challenge will begin soon," he said happily. "I believe that we have an opponent worthy of your champion," he said with a wink.

John smiled thinly. He wasn't at all sure about this. "And then we can talk about the naquadah," he said.

"There will be time for that later," Assad said. "First there are a few preparations to make. Your weapons, of course, must be left here," he indicated a small alcove covered with a heavy curtain. "As will ours, of course," he added putting his own blaster on the small table provided.

John, Rodney and Teyla put their sidearms and P90s on the table. Ronon put in his blaster and a couple of his knives.

"Good," Assad said. "Now for the Advocate Bands." He moved over to another alcove. Inside was a glass case containing two silver headbands each about half an inch wide. One had a large green stone as a clasp and the other had a red stone.

Assad picked up the band with the green stone and moved towards Ronon. "This will protect you from the pain of combat," Assad said. Reluctantly, Ronon let him place it on his head. It snapped into place with the stone in the middle of Ronon's forehead.

"The other belongs to his Advocate," Assad said. "As leader you will sit with me there," he pointed to twin thrones overlooking the arena. "And it should not be a female so..." He turned and placed the second band on Rodney's head. It cinched into place with a loud snap and the stone gave off a dull glow.

"So where does the er Advocate go ?" Rodney asked fingering the band.

"Over there," Assad said pointing to a pair of rooms opposite to the thrones only on ground level with the arena. Each had a long bench and were protected from the combat area by glass.

"A ringside seat," Rodney said.

"Your female may stay with you, of course," Assad added.

John looked at Teyla but she didn't comment, she merely gave a small smile.

"Good," Assad said. "We will begin when the sun reaches it's height. The people are overjoyed. It has been too long since we have had a good combat. We will have a good trade, friend," he said slapping John again.

John stepped forward to maintain his balance.

"Come," Assad said. "Let us take our places."

John climbed up the steps with Assad while Rodney and Teyla were escorted to the chamber. Rodney noticed that a large man wearing a band with a violet stone was being taken into the other room.

"It seems that each champion has an Advocate," Teyla said.

"Well everyone needs somebody to cheer them on," Rodney said sitting down.

oOo

The people started to arrive, filling the seats surrounding the large arena. John looked across the open space. He could barely see Rodney and Teyla from his seat above the crowds.

Ronon stood patiently in the center of the arena. He had a metal glove on his right hand and a small circular shield strapped to his left forearm.

Opposite him stood the Azer champion. He was as tall as Ronon and fit and muscular. He too had a metal glove and small shield. He wore a headband with an amber stone which helped to hold back his long blonde hair. His beard was braided below his chin. He wore no armor just leather the same as Ronon.

Assad stood up and the talking ceased. He raised his arms and smiled. "Welcome all," he said loudly his voice carrying across the combat area. "We have waited for many cycles for a challenge such as this. Our friends and new trading partners from Atlantis !"

People started to clap and cheer. Assad gestured towards John who stood up briefly. He got the impression that they didn't care who won as long as it was a good battle.

"And now we shall begin !"

As Assad sat down trumpets sounded from both sides and Ronon and his opponent started to circle each other looking for an opening.

Ronon landed the first blow. The man staggered, recovered very quickly, and backhanded Ronon across the face.

Ronon staggered slightly and then stood up amazed. There was no pain from the blow. He grinned. "_Oh yeah_," he thought. "_I could learn to like this headband_." He advanced towards his opponent.

In the antechamber Rodney cried out in pain and brought his hand up to the right side of his face.

"Rodney ?" Teyla said. "What's wrong ?"

"I...I don't know..." Rodney said. He could taste blood coming from a cut on the inside of his cheek. Suddenly he pitched forward onto the floor clutching his stomach as pain washed over him in a sharp wave.

In the arena Ronon had just been hit in the stomach and seemed to be completely unaffected.

Teyla watched as Ronon took another blow, this time to his face. Rodney cried out in pain and his nose started to bleed.

"Rodney," Teyla said crouching next to him. "We must get this headband off. When Ronon is hit then you are being hurt in his place."

They both tried to remove the band but it just tightened causing Rodney even more pain.

Meanwhile Ronon had been knocked down and was being kicked by the blonde man. Laughing, Ronon grabbed the man's foot and heaved him off his feet.

Rodney was hunched over and coughing up blood.

Teyla hit her radio. "John," she said.

John tapped his earpiece. "Yes," he said.

"The headbands are transferring the injuries from Ronon to Rodney," she said. "Every time that Ronon gets hit Rodney is being hurt."

"What ?" John said. He turned to Assad. "Assad," he said. "What is the purpose of the Advocate bands ?"

"Oh do you like them ? They're rather ingenius. We found that the combats were more exciting and went on longer if the contestants were unhampered by injury or pain. More of a show you see. And our warriors can fight more often."

"And the Advocate ?"

"Well when he dies the contest is over of course. We usually use slaves," he added. "Or enemy captives."

John stood up. "Ronon !" he yelled. "Ronon !"

Ronon turned towards John and his opponent took advantage of his distraction and hit him hard on the side of his head. Ronon staggered a little and then turned and returned the blow grinning broadly. John winced as he watched knowing what was happening in the alcove below.

"This is great !" Ronon yelled.

"Ronon when you are hit Rodney is being injured !" John yelled. "Don't allow him to hit you or Rodney will die !"

Ronon looked confused but this time when his opponent swung his shield towards him Ronon sidestepped the blow and knocked the man down. He glanced towards the antechamber where Rodney was lying on the ground, clearly in great pain, with Teyla kneeling beside him.

Now the headband didn't seem to be such a blessing after all. He reached up to remove it but the band tightened as he did so. It was not coming off.

Realizing that Rodney had been hurt in his place made Ronon very angry and he took it out on his adversary landing blow after blow and forcing the man back. After a few minutes of this a trumpet sounded. It seemed that the contest was over.

Ronon's opponent bowed slightly and left as the crowd cheered. Everyone seemed very happy except for the team from Atlantis. Ronon looked downcast and John had a bad taste in his mouth.

A man went over to Ronon and using a small key he removed the headband. When Ronon's was unlocked Rodney's snapped open and fell to the floor.

Rodney was gasping in pain, his eyes closed. Teylas was doing what she could to make him comfortable when John and Ronon entered the chamber. John looked distressed. Ronon was grim and silent.

Rodney was propped up against the wall clutching his stomach. Blood kept dribbling from his nose which he was wiping with a handkerchief. "Can we... go now ?" he asked weakly.

"I'll run back to the gate," John said. "And I'll bring back a Jumper. And Carson."

"I'll do it," Ronon said.

John nodded and Ronon left already breaking into a run.

Assad looked happy. "We can trade now, yes ?" he said.

"Later," John answered. "We must get medical help for our friend."

"Oh. I presumed that since he was not a medical doctor he was...expendable," Assad said confused.

"None of our people are expendable," John said somberly. "Least of all our civilian scientists."

"What do civilian scientists do ?" Assad asked.

John tried to remain calm although he was churning inside. The man apparently really didn't understand the problem. "They keep our city running," John said. _"And he's my friend," _he thought. "Things like those laser cannons on your turrets. What do you do if they stop working ?" he added trying to keep it on a level that he would comprehend.

"We just abandon them. They are of no more use to us.."

"Well people...scientists...like Rodney can fix them. Make them work again."

Assad brightened. "We could trade for this knowledge, yes ?"

"No more combats."

"No. We are friends now. We only fight for amusement."

"Then yes we will trade," John could feel Rodney glaring at him. "For the assistance of a_ junior _scientist," he added.

oOo

Ronon stood awkwardly at the foot of Rodney's bed in the Infirmary. "I'm sorry, man," he said. "I didn't know."

"None of us did," John said.

Rodney was propped up in the bed. Bandages showed at the collar of his shirt and a taped strip of gauze was across his nose. Bruises were evident on his face.

"It would've been nice if you'd managed to dodge more," he sniffed.

"I'm not used to dodging. Being hurt is part of the combat. Keeps you sharp."

"Tell that to Assad," John said.

"I found those band things in the database," Rodney said. "They were originally designed to help heal."

"How did that work ?" Carson asked.

"Well as far as I can tell you put it on the injured person and the Advocate and it transfers some of the injury. So that if you had someone who was say critical you could heal them to the point where conventional methods would work."

"Like the Empath on Star Trek," John said.

"Right. However someone found out that if you put the bands on _before_ the injury occurs then it will transfer the whole kit 'n kaboodle. Blow for blow as it were as it happens."

"Well I can see the appeal if you're the fighter," John said.

"Depending on who was wearing the other band," Carson added.

"Now if it was on a wraith..." Ronon said grinning.

"Then there'd be no incentive to dodge," John added.

Teyla listened in silence as they laughed and just shook her head. Some things she would just never understand.

oOo

Thanks to Tenchi of light21 for letting me bounce ideas off her (and for the idea of it being a healing machine ;D)  
I thought this was interesting in that Assad wasn't bad and didn't mean any harm.

love some reviews (as always)  
debbie


	51. Buttons

**Disclaimer**: Whatever

Ok this is something new for me as it is a tag to another story..**Tenshi of light21** has written a story called "**John's Really Bad Days**" which is a spin off of this one. In it as well as original chapters she has taken some of mine and done a spin off from John's POV. Having said that we have been challenging each other back and forth.. Soooooo

This is a tag to her chapter 14, Rodney's Revenge (which was a tag to "No Good Deed"). The first part picks up her story and most (if not all) of the quotes are from there. From the point where John wakes up in the Infirmary then it becomes mine. Confusing ?? Yeah probably a little bit. If you have any questions then just skip over to her story and read it (and while you're at it read the rest they're really good - shameless plug)

So in summary: First part is Tenshi's characters quotes and plot with a few additions, Second part is mine ;D (Oh and "Tag you're it Tenshi !!)

**Buttons.**

_Two weeks earlier..._

Rodney had to admit that it was one of his better ideas (and he'd had some great ideas).

He had set a table with two chairs out on an upper balcony overlooking the ocean. A white tablecloth, a single flower in a small vase, a plate of carefully arranged (non citrus) fruit and the twin moons shining across the water. Perfect. And to think that Sheppard had almost torpedoed the whole plan...

"I'm not plant sitting for you to have a date. That's it." John stood and folded his arms.

Rodney hated to grovel. "But then she'll be stuck in the lab...Look how about this. You baby er plant sit and I'll owe _you_ one."

Yeah now he was the one who owed the favor. This arrangement was becoming awfully one sided. It wasn't totally his fault that John's date with Julie hadn't worked out after all. Although it had been fun to chew Wilson out about checking on the age of an animal before you steal it away from it's mother...

It was worth it though. Katie looked gorgeous in the moonlight and it was so nice to relax for a while. It was short lived, however.

Rodney's radio beeped.

"Rodney ? It's Elizabeth."

"I'm here, what's going on ?"

oOo

"_Honestly_," Rodney thought. "_John gripes at me for getting into trouble. I can't even leave him to watch a plant_."

Leaving Katie safely back away from the door Rodney approached Ronon and Teyla who were standing at the door to the Botany lab.

"We cannot get into the door," Teyla said handing him a computer tablet. "Radek traced the errors in the climate controls to this lab. It seems that some alien plant roots have got through the ventilation system and is using the controls for it's benefit."

"And no CCTV so we can't see inside," Ronon said.

"Oh, great," Rodney said. "We yanked the cameras to repair other systems. Nothing ever happens in the Botany lab," he added pulling the cover off the door control and plugging his padd in.

oOo

The door opened. Green vines and tendrils stretched across the lab floor. There was the sound of a gunshot as the bullet embedded itself into the plant pot. They could barely see John for all the greenery and then there was this big green bulb with what appeared to be teeth and it had blood on it.

"What the _hell_ is that thing ?!" Rodney yelled as the door closed automatically behind them.

"It's the plant you wanted me to baby sit," John hissed as he stepped back and slid down the wall.

Ronon began to blast away at the plant, forcing the vines away from John while Teyla was also firing her P90 into it, shielding Rodney with her body.

Rodney had plugged his padd into the wall sensor and was typing in commands trying to bring the lights up and the heat down. Neither of which were responding.

"Teyla ! Look out !" John yelled.

Teyla turned but too late as a vine struck her knocking her to the side. Rodney turned wide-eyed, as the vine struck him in his right side.

"Rodney !" John yelled taking aim and firing. partly severing the vine as Rodney fell, screaming in pain. "Crap !" John crawled to his side and turned him over. "Crap !" he said again. Picking up one of Ronon's knives he cut the vine a few inches from the wound.

Rodney was gasping for breath, his eyes squeezed shut in pain. "Oh my God," he kept saying. "It hurts." He coughed and blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth.

"Rodney ! Listen, can you get the door open ?" John was feeling light headed from the plant toxin, his wounds and the oppressive heat. "I think..." he gasped. "I think the plant is...weak...against the light."

Rodney reached for his padd. "Gotta...get the door..."

oOo

It was over a day later before John woke up completely. He stared at the ceiling in the Infirmary playing back the conversation from the previous day in his mind...

_"I have him in a medically induced coma..."_

John sat up, "Rodney," he said as he collapsed back down onto the pillow, his head spinning.

"Easy," Carson said appearing suddenly by his side. "Stay still."

John looked to his right and saw Rodney still hooked up to the ventilator. John looked at Carson. "How long has it been ?" he asked.

Carson glanced across at Rodney before turning his attention back to John. "Only a day. He's doin' much better. I'm gonna wean him off the sedative and remove him from the ventilator this afternoon. He should be awake soon after that. Although I imagine he won't be too happy. You, meanwhile," he said checking the IV bag. "Need to lay back and rest. You're still recovering from being poisoned."

oOo

"Oh this is so not fair," Rodney said sitting up in bed while John was getting his IV shunt removed so that he could leave. "I do you a favor and I end up being slapped around by irate parents, not to mention almost being eaten by the Matri. Then I try to have one quiet evening and I get impaled by a plant !"

"At least it wasn't trying to eat you," John said. "I was number one on it's lunch menu."

"OK so who owes who now ? I figure this makes us even."

"Oh not by a long shot," John said. "You should owe me double for this one."

"How'd you come to_ that _conclusion ?"

"Did you notice the teeth on that thing ?"

"Did you see the ones on the Matri ?"

"Yeah but the Matri never actually bit you. This thing got a lump of my shoulder_ and _it was poisonous to boot."

Rodney frowned at him. "Fine," he said. "But no more babysitting...anything. Animal, vegetable or mineral."

"Agreed."

oOo

_The present..._

"You want me to _what_ ?" Rodney said loudly.

"Hush," John said pulling him to the side in the mess hall. "We'll call it even," he said.

"Oh no no no no no no no. You will so owe _me_," Rodney said as John pushed him towards Yvonne's quarters.

"Are we still keeping track ?"

"Yes and what happened to the "no babysitting" part. Where'd she get the thing anyhow ? I thought that Elizabeth had forbidden any alien pets after that cuddly little bear that SGA 10 found that destroyed Peterson's quarters and half of the Chem lab."

"Well she's had it for a couple of weeks and it's been real friendly."

"You do realize that I'm still officially on medical leave ? I'm not about to get in a fight with a..."

"Shhhh," John said. "It's not supposed to be here, remember." He rang the chime on Yvonne's door.

"Who is it ?" she asked.

"It's me. John."

She opened the door and smiled letting them in. "I really appreciate you minding him," she said.

"I haven't agreed yet," Rodney said. "If it's so well behaved why does it need a sitter anyway ?"

"Oh Buttons does just fine as long as someone's around," Yvonne said. "That's why I alternate shifts with Carol. That way one of us is always here." A small monkey with long black and white fur hopped up onto Yvonne's shoulder. "But he gets into mischief and chews up stuff when he's left alone."

"Isn't he cute Rodney ?" John said.

"He looks like a cross between a marmoset and a skunk," Rodney said.

"It'll just be for a couple of hours."

"It won't be any longer," Yvonne said. "I go on shift at three."

Rodney checked his watch. Twelve thirty. He sighed. "I'm not changing the diaper on that thing," he said firmly.

"I'll do it before we go," Yvonne said. "And he'll be fine."

Rodney stood with his arms crossed and sighed. _"There is no way that this will go well," _he thought. "What movies do you have ?" he said. "And I want my laptop."

oOo

Thirty minutes later Rodney was beginning to think that it really was a gravy detail. Buttons had curled up in the corner of the couch and settled down for a nap, his long bushy tail wrapped across his face which made him look even more like a skunk.

Rodney had his feet propped up on the coffee table as he sprawled on the other end of the couch. A half drunk glass of milk was on the table by his left arm. His laptop was open on the coffee table running his analysis program and he had the third Indiana Jones movie playing on Yvonne's big screen TV. Ah yes life was good he thought dozing...

_The wraith was mere inches from his face. He could feel the pressure on his chest as the loathsome creature began to feed..._

Rodney opened his eyes and saw a face surrounded by white hair. He yelled out in shock.

Buttons, who had been sitting on Rodney's chest, squealed in fright and jumped away, dropping the glass of milk that he'd been quietly stealing.

Milk splashed into Rodney's face and eyes and pooled on his chest as the glass clattered to the floor. Rodney leapt to his feet as the cold liquid hit him, knocking his laptop across the table and onto the floor. He stood mopping his eyes with his handkerchief and dabbing at his shirt while Buttons sat on the top of the shelving unit chattering excitedly.

Rodney looked at the mess on the floor and tugged on his shirt. He sighed. "OK. I guess that was my fault," he said picking up the glass and laptop and going into the bathroom to get a towel.

He came back, wiped up the mess and decided to keep the towel handy. Then the TV turned off.

"What ?" he turned to look up at Buttons who was holding the remote control. Rodney stood in front of him and held out his hand. "Give that back you little bandit," he said. "Come on. Give it up...I can't believe I'm standing here arguing with a monkey. Fine. You know what. Keep it. Eat it. Whatever." Rodney sat down on the couch and opened his laptop. It was time to do something more productive anyway.

"Ow !" he said as Buttons launched the remote and it hit him on the side of the head. "Thank you," Rodney said scowling. He checked his watch as he picked up the remote and sat it on the couch. One forty five. "Roll on two thirty," he said quietly.

oOo

John hated to admit it but he was bored out of his mind. He'd picked a spot at the end of one of the piers where the afternoon sun sparkled on the water. They sat on the end of the pier with a blanket and picnic spread out behind them. It was beautiful. Yvonne was beautiful. Her dark hair reflected the light as she moved and he found her enchanting...

But all that she could talk about was the monkey. It was "Buttons likes this.." and "Buttons does that.." and "He's so cute when..." or "I love to brush his fur..." For over an hour now. John was almost ready to suggest that she take Buttons on a date. Almost. Surely she had to run out of monkey material soon...

"And I made this little toy for him. It's so cute..."

John was trying not to yawn. He wondered idly how Rodney was doing...

oOo

Rodney was concentrating on his computer when the TV switched on. He glanced up at Buttons who was in his spot back on the shelving.

"I'm not taking the bait this time," he said. "Keep it."

This time when Buttons threw the remote it landed on the couch next to Rodney.

"What do you two play catch with it or something ?" Rodney said picking it up and putting it on the coffee table.

Less than a minute later the TV switched off. "Not playing," Rodney said continuing with his laptop.

This time the remote hit him on the side of the face...hard. Rodney picked it up and launched it back at Buttons. Now usually Rodney was not real accurate when he threw things. It just wasn't his forte. But this time he managed to hit Buttons smack between the eyes.

That was definately not part of the game.

With a loud screech Buttons launched himself at Rodney with his teeth bared.

"Crap !" Rodney said lifting his hands to shield his face. Rodney yelled out in pain as Buttons clamped his teeth firmly into his left hand. Rodney pushed the monkey away with his free hand and the animal rolled to the floor and then turned towards him, spitting in anger.

Rodney backed up underneath the dining table wrapping his bleeding hand in his handkerchief as he went. He grabbed his laptop and held it up as a shield as Buttons started to throw ornaments around the room.

Just then the door opened and Yvonne entered followed by John.

"Oh thank God," Rodney muttered.

"Baby," Yvonne said as Buttons leapt into her arms. "What did that nasty man do to you ?"

"What did I do to him ?" Rodney said crawling out from under the table holding his wounded hand. "Look what he did to me. He _bit_ me...hard !"

"He wouldn't have done anything if you didn't provoke him," Yvonne said holding Buttons close.

John picked up Rodney's laptop. "Come on," he said. "We need to get you to Carson. I'll er call you later," he said pulling Rodney out of the room.

"Oh you poor baby," Yvonne cooed, her back to the door.

"Did you see that ?" Rodney said as they walked down the hallway. "I swear that thing stuck it's tongue out at me."

"At least something happened with you," John said.

"Oh ? Date didn't go well ?"

"Let's just say I would have done better if I had long black and white fur."

oOo

Rodney met John in the Infirmary waiting room. His hand was bandaged and he was rubbing his arm where Carson had given him a shot of antibiotics.

"Better ?" John asked getting up.

"Oh just wonderful," Rodney said taking his laptop from John. "Hurts like hell and Carson isn't very sympathetic. He did give me some pain pills though," he added as they walked towards the mess hall. "So Yvonne wasn't...er...forthcoming ?"

"She spent the entire time talking about that damn monkey," John said carrying their coffee to the table. "How wonderful he is, how funny, how precious. I've never been so bored on a date," he added sipping his coffee.

"We may have um a problem there," Rodney said looking down into his cup.

"Oh ?"

"Well I had to explain to Carson how I managed to get an animal bite here on Atlantis."

"And you told him...?"

"OK how do you answer "I know a primate bite when I see one laddie. Where'd ya get it ?" hum ?"

"Oh..."

"And he's sure to report it to Elizabeth."

"He has no choice."

"Exactly," Rodney pointed out. "Yvonne will probably have to return it."

"Oh crap !"

oOo

To be continued...?

Love some reviews.  
Tenshi tag you're it ;D  
Debbie


	52. Small Stuff, Big Problem

**Disclaimer:** The usual etc

I've been watching a program on Discovery called "Man Vs Wild" with a guy called Bear Grylls (no kidding) and that's where the "eat a live frog idea" came from. He actually did it on the show (YUK). Anyhow I figured that Ronon would be OK with it, John MIGHT be kinda OK but I gave Rodney MY reaction!! Enjoy...

They say don't sweat the small stuff but sometimes that's what gets ya!!

**Small Stuff, Big Problem.**

They exited the gate into space and the wormhole closed behind them.

"OK," John said. "It's not yet dawn on the side with the settlement so we can check this part of the planet out while we're waiting." He pulled up the HUD. "There's a land mass over there," he added.

"And an energy spike," Rodney said pointing. "Only one on the planet as far as our sensors can tell."

"I guess I'll never hear the end of it if we don't check it out," John said.

"Oh you would," Rodney said smiling. "Eventually."

oOo

Rodney turned the tablet over and looked at the bottom again. It was about eighteen inches square and a dark tan color and it had no markings on it at all.

John looked bored. "So is that it, Rodney ?" he said standing resting his hands on his P90.

"It has to be," Rodney answered looking puzzled. "There's nothing else here that could account for the reading. Maybe it's a battery or something. It looks like it might be made to plug into something..."

"Like what ?" Ronon said looking around the clearing. "There's nothing else here."

"I can see that thank you," Rodney said. "So presumably whatever it was has been removed..."

"So we can just take it back with us ?" John said.

"What's the rush ? Do you have somewhere to be ?"

"Anywhere but here," Ronon said.

"Et tu Brutus ?"

"What ?"

"It's from a play, Julius Caesar. Means you too ?" Rodney explained.

"Yeah," Ronon said. "Me too."

"Too bad Teyla missed the excitement," John said starting to walk back towards the Jumper as Rodney stuffed the tablet into his pack.

"Well she needs to spend some time with her own people," Rodney said. "Especially for their harvest...festival ...thing."

"The Shucnaar Ceremony," Ronon said as they walked. "Thanking their god for the bounty of the land."

"That's what I said, kinda."

They walked out from the forest to the flat grassy plain .

"Where's the Jumper ?" John asked.

"It was right there," Rodney said as they stopped and stared at the empty field before them..

"I know where it was, Rodney. I want to know where it _is_."

Rodney got his hand held padd out. "It's still there," he said looking grim.

"Did it get cloaked somehow ?" Ronon asked.

"Nope. It's right where we left it..."

"Rodney..." John said.

"Only about fifty feet down."

oOo

"What ?" John said loudly. "Are you saying that it..."

"Sank. Yep. Straight down. In the mud."

"But the ground's firm," Ronon said.

"Firm enough to walk on. Not to support a Jumper for any length of time."

"Why didn't you say anything, McKay ?" Ronon asked.

"Because I didn't know. When did this become my fault ?"

"When you took so long with that alien what not," John said.

"Hey I don't pick the parking spot."

"But I don't get it. Where's the hole ?" John asked.

"Well I can't be sure without further scans of course but it seems that there's a crust and then underneath it's much more fluid. So it cracked and then tilted kinda like the lid on a coffee pot. When the Jumper slipped underneath it just tilted back into position. We should be able to retrieve it. It'll take another Jumper though. We'll just have to..."

"Rodney.."

"There are more important things to think about," Ronon said. "Water, shelter, food."

"Come on, Rodney," John said grabbing the pack from Rodney's back. "What do you have in there ?"

"Nothing that will help us for the next two days while we're waiting for Atlantis to log us as missing," Rodney said.

"You only have equipment in here," John said.

"Right," Rodney said taking the pack back. "My MREs and stuff are in the Jumper."

"I saw some caves on the other side of those trees when we flew in," John said. "And where there's trees there's water." He started to walk back towards the forest.

Rodney sighed and followed. "How far did you say it was to those caves ?" he asked.

"It looked like they were just a couple of miles past the trees," John said walking easily. "We'll be able to get there long before dark."

"Can we stop for a minute ? I've got a stone in my boot."

"Ah suck it up, McKay," Ronon said letting go of a branch which swung back at Rodney.

"Ow !" Rodney said shielding his face with his hand. "Did you know that those things have thorns ?" he said shaking his hand. "It spiked me."

"You'll be fine."

"Stone ?"

"There's a lake here where we can fill our water canteens," John said. "We can stop here for a while."

"Good," Rodney said sitting on a rock and untying his boot.

"Look what I found," Ronon said popping a live tree frog in his mouth and chewing happily.

"Oh I can _not_ believe you just did that," Rodney said turning away and waving his hand in front of his face.

"You OK ?" Ronon asked.

"Just trying not to lose my lunch watching you eat yours."

"Hey you gotta do what you gotta do. It's all energy. Right Sheppard ?"

John pulled a face. "Right," he said.

"Now what are you doing ?" Ronon asked as Rodney was checking the pockets on his tac vest.

"I'm just seeing how many glucose tablets I have on me."

oOo

They reached the cave just before nightfall.

"Hungry ?" Ronon asked as Rodney dumped his pack down by the entrance.

"Not enough to eat a live frog," Rodney said.

John came out of the cave. "All clear," he said switching off the light on his P90.

"There are small animal tracks around," Ronon said. "I was thinking more of tryin' to catch somethin'."

"And killing it ?"

Ronon just shrugged and smiled crookedly clearly enjoying Rodney's discomfort.

"Think you can get a fire started while we catch supper ?" John asked.

"Sure," Rodney said. "I can handle that."

"You only did that frog thing to gross Rodney out," John said as they walked away. "Didn't you ?"

Ronon just looked at him and smiled.

"Yeah that's what I thought."

oOo

A couple of days after they were rescued John went down to the Jumper bay where Rodney was getting retrieval equipment together so that they could salvage the Jumper. He found him sitting in the back of the Jumper. He had his head down and his padd was on the floor at his feet.

"Hey," John said. "You OK ?"

Rodney looked up and squinted at him. He looked very pale. "I don't know," he said. "Haven't felt well for a day or so now. Think I caught the flu or something."

"Have you seen Carson ?"

"If it is the flu there's nothing that he can do anyway," Rodney said getting up.

"That's a no then."

"Yes that's a no," Rodney said as he picked up his padd. He swayed slightly and John stepped forward. "Look let's get this done and if I don't feel better by the morning I'll go and see him. OK mom ?"

"Sure," John said looking uncertain. "What have you got ?"

"OK. The engineers have put together a magnetic grapple which they're gonna be installing here in about an hour or so. I've programmed the assembly so that you can control it from the pilot's chair with no problem."

"How do I get to the Jumper ?"

"Use your typical military solution, Colonel. Fire a drone and blow a hole in the crust."

"Won't that damage the Jumper ?"

Rodney looked at him wearily. "Well you don't fire right down at it," he said. "Just skim the surface with the drone and detonate. The crust is already fractured after all. I'll program the specifics in for you if you'd like."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Right. Be back here in a couple of hours and it'll all be ready for you."

"You sure you're OK ? You look like crap."

"Thank you. Go."

oOo

It took the rest of the afternoon to retrieve the Jumper from what turned out to be a mud hole. John carefully maneuvered the second Jumper and placed the muddy craft over near the trees and well away from the underground mire. Then he took it for a dip in the ocean to wash the mud off before heading back through the gate.

He had just parked the craft and was walking to his quarters to get cleaned up when his radio chirped.

"John ?"

"Yes Elizabeth. Is this urgent ? I was hoping to..."

"It's Rodney. He's in the Infirmary. He collapsed."

oOo

John rushed into the Infirmary. Rodney was laying on a bed near to Carson's desk. He was unconscious and an oxygen mask was covering his face. The monitor was beeping and an IV was dripping steadily into his left arm. A nurse was attaching another IV solution bag and adjusting the flow.

Carson turned towards him as he entered.

"What happened ?" John asked.

"We don't know," Carson said. "He was talking with Radek, said that he was dizzy and passed out. That was about an hour ago and he hasn't regained consciousness since. Has he been complaining of being sick ? Did something happen on the planet ?"

"When I saw him earlier," John said rubbing his hand through his hair. "He said that he felt like he had the flu."

"And of course he didn't nae say anythin' to me about it. What about on the planet ? Did anything out of the ordinary happen ?"

John shook his head. "Nope. He ate what we ate. Well apart from the frog."

"Frog ?"

"Long story. No. Nothing happened."

"Well he's running a fever and I've got blood tests going to check for toxins and the like. I want blood samples from you and Ronon just in case there's something on that planet that I need to know about."

"Sure," John said rolling his sleeve up. "No problem."

"He ate a frog ?" Carson asked as he prepared to draw the blood sample.

"No. Ronon did. To gross him out. Worked too. That's the first time I've seen Rodney not want to eat."

oOo

John came back to the Infirmary that evening. Carson was in his lab checking samples under the microscope.

"Any news ?" John asked.

"Only that he's getting worse. I'm gonna have to put him on life support if his O2 stats don't get any better real soon."

"What happened ? I don't understand. He was fine..."

"There's some kind of toxin in his blood. Looks like it could be from a plant. It's not in yours or Ronon's sample. Did he catch himself on something ?"

"I don't think...the tree !"

Carson looked at him.

"Ronon let a tree branch go and it had thorns on it. I think that it caught Rodney's hand."

"Well I need a sample quickly so that I can synthesize an antidote."

"Those trees were everywhere, I'll be right back," John said running towards the Jumper bay.

oOo

"That's not it," Carson said examining the sample.

"It's the same kind of tree," Ronon said looking serious.

"Aye that it might be but there's no poison on these thorns."

"Are you sure ?" John asked.

Carson looked up at him exasperated. "I've checked it twice, laddie !" he said sharply.

"So we have to get a sample from that particular tree ?" John said.

"Looks like it. Unless the problem's something else."

"Doc we were in a forest of these things. How are we supposed to find one tree ?"

"I'll find it," Ronon said walking out.

"Hurry up," Carson said as John followed him. "I've already got him on a ventilator."

oOo

They parked the Jumper well away from the clearing but John left it hovering a few inches from the ground just in case.

Just past the clearing, at the edge of the forest, Ronon crouched down and checked the ground. "This way," he said.

They walked in silence for a few minutes as Ronon scanned the ground.

"I did it deliberately," Ronon said.

"Excuse me ?"

"The branch. I let it hit him deliberately. Because he was complaining. It's my fault."

"No one blames you. We didn't know..."

Ronon turned and glared at him. "It was my fault !" he said angrily.

"Well let's find the tree and put it right."

Ronon nodded and led the way.

"Blood," he said stopping suddenly and touching the ground. "It happened here."

John looked at the tree. "There's fungus on these trees. Maybe that's where the toxin is."

Ronon grabbed the branch and snapped it off. "Let's get this back to Carson," he said.

oOo

It was three days later before Rodney was well enough that Carson would let him have visitors.

John stuck his head around the curtain surrounding Rodney's bed. Rodney lay propped up on pillows, still attached to the monitors and IV's but off the ventilator. "_Thank God_," John thought. John smiled. "Told you to see the Doctor," he said.

"Yeah well how often are you right," Rodney said. He looked tired and pale. "Get the Jumper OK ?"

"Course we did. It just needs a quick check over and it'll be ready to go. Good as new."

"Hum. Carson said that this all came from that tree branch that hit me."

"Yeah. Ronon feels pretty bad about that."

"Why ? He didn't know."

"You know him. He'll be in later."

"As long as he hasn't got any frogs."

John couldn't help but laugh. "You should've seen the look on your face. You were about the same color as the frog..."

oOo

Just a short one...  
Love some reviews (as always ;D )

debbie


	53. Potent Potable

**Disclaimer: **If they were mine there would be no talk of cancellation!!

(OK having got that off my chest...)

This is something just a little different. It's always hard for me to write Rodney with a different personality. This is from an idea from hellomynameisidontknow (and if you don't know your name then I don't either ;D) for an "evil genius McKay". The problem that I had was some of my own making...I've already covered the entity in an alien artifact (with Radek) and the Go'ald (with Lorne). Mirror image McKay wouldn't know enough about Atlantis to pass muster and a machine that reverses his personality would probably make him nicer!! I'm not sure that this is quite what they envisioned but this is my effort. I hope that you enjoy it...

**Potent Potable.**

The Queen looked serenely across the banquet hall from her ornate throne situated at the head of the room. It was improper for royalty to eat in the presence of commoners so she sat well away from the food tables her only concession being a goblet full of nectar wine on a small table by her left hand.

Usually she found official luncheons tedious but she was watching the team from Atlantis with great interest. In particular the one that they called Colonel Sheppard.

Teyla was talking politely with a large man to her left. Ronon sat next to her chewing calmly on a piece of meat. Sitting opposite was Rodney McKay who was talking excitedly to the bored Satedan waving his hands as he spoke. Next to Rodney John Sheppard was leaning forward in deep conversation with a young ambassadors wife who was seated next to Ronon.

A red haired woman standing to the Queen's right leaned close to her to speak. "He is fascinating is he not Milady ?"

The Queen answered quietly without looking at her or changing her expression. "He is, Meralda. Do you have anything that could make him more...receptive to our cause ?"

"I have a potion, Milady, that could turn him to the dark side. Make him more compliant."

"Do it," the Queen said.

Meralda nodded and moved away behind the throne. She moved across to a serving girl who had a tray full of wine already poured into colored goblets. Shielding her actions from the people she dropped the contents of a small vial into a blue goblet on the tray. "Give this cup to the one that they call the Colonel," she said softly.

The girl nodded and walked to the far table. She placed the blue cup in front of John and another in front of Rodney before moving on.

Rodney stopped talking to Ronon. "Hey," he said towards John. "How come you get the fancy blue one ?"

John glanced sideways at him and sat back in his chair. "Oh for heaven's sake, Rodney. Here," he said switching the cups. "I'll take the green one."

"It matches your eyes," Aria cooed.

"Oh please," Rodney said taking a drink.

The Queen watched without emotion. "Do you have more ?" she asked softly.

Meralda leaned forward close to the Queen's ear. "I'm sorry, Milady," she said. "That is all that I have prepared."

"That is unfortunate. However this may yet work to our favor. He could also prove useful. How long before the potion takes effect ?"

"He will be ours by the morning, Milady."

"Very well," the Queen said getting up. "Bring him to me tomorrow."

Meralda bowed as the Queen left and then left by a different door, heading for her lab.

John looked up as the Queen left. He wasn't sure exactly what it was about her but there was something creepy. Kinda like the Queen in Snow White.

"What ?" Rodney asked.

John shrugged. "Nothin'." he replied.

oOo

The next morning Rodney felt lousy. His head was pounding and the room kept moving. He sat up on the edge of the bed. "_I really must stop drinking strange wine,"_ he thought as he stumbled to the bathroom. He hadn't even been awake enough to get undressed from the night before. Add to that that he really didn't remember how he got there...He kinda hoped that he didn't do anything real stupid. At least there weren't any strange women around. _"Not that that would matter,"_ he thought.

John saw him in the hallway as Rodney headed outside for some air. "Morning," he said cheerfully as Rodney walked past ignoring him completely. "O...K..." John said watching him head outside. "Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

John knocked on Ronon's door. Ronon opened it and stood back letting him in. "You feel OK ?" John asked.

"Sure. Why ?"

"Rodney just blew past me and I wondered if I was the only one without a hangover or something."

"Nope. Feel fine."

"Because I know that I drank more than he did," John said looking thoughtful. "Way more."

Outside Rodney stopped for a moment blinking in the sunlight. He rubbed his temples. A woman was walking towards him. She was young with flaming red hair that reflected the sunshine as she walked.

She stopped directly in front of him, so close that he could smell her perfume.

Rodney grabbed her hair, pulled her head back and kissed her long and hard. Meralda flinched slightly but did not resist.

"The Queen wishes to see you," she whispered in his ear as he nuzzled her long neck. "You must come with me."

Rodney stopped and looked deeply into her green eyes...commanding him.

The Queen turned to face them as Meralda entered with Rodney following behind her. Meralda bowed and moved to the side. Rodney stood still calmly staring at the Queen.

"Good morning Doctor McKay," the Queen said smiling slightly. "I have something that I need you to do..."

oOo

John was puzzled as they flew back through the gate. "I don't get it," he said as they left the Jumper bay. "One minute everything seems fine and then suddenly the Queen announces that all talks are over, go home. What happened ? Did you do something, Rodney ?"

"Of course not," Rodney said abruptly as he walked away. "That's your perogative, not mine."

Teyla stopped and watched him leave. "Rodney does not seem like himself," she said thoughtfully.

"He's had an attitude all day," John said. "I'm getting tired of it."

"Least he was quiet," Ronon said.

"I think that I prefer noisy with a better outlook," John said.

His radio chirped suddenly. "John."

"Yes Elizabeth."

"Come to my office please."

John looked at Teyla and Ronon. "Want to come ?" he asked.

"I think I'll go and train," Ronon said.

"I believe that I will join you...in training," Teyla added.

"Cowards," John said as he headed for the transporter.

oOo

Radek walked over to John as he had breakfast the next morning. "May I join you ?" he asked.

John gestured towards the chair opposite and Radek sat down placing his tray carefully in front of him.

"It's Rodney," Radek said.

"I know he's been acting real strange. I've hardly seen him since yesterday."

"He's even surlier than usual. And I checked on him. He's been disabling certain of the CCTV cameras. Not enough to trigger an alarm but enough to get in and out of certain areas undetected."

"Which areas ?" John asked although he thought that he could guess.

"Medical supplies, Armory and ZPM room."

"Don't tell him that you've told me. I'll check into it."

"Don't worry," Radek said. "I'm staying well away from him."

oOo

John met with Elizabeth in her office. "He's been behaving really weird since the banquet," he said. "And now he's loaded medical supplies, C4 and weapons into Jumper four. I'm just waiting for him to make his move."

"If he's been affected by something that would explain why the Queen was suddenly uncooperative," Elizabeth said. "She didn't need to trade any more."

"Apparently not," John said. "I think that he'll be making his move soon. I'm gonna stay hidden in Jumper one. When he takes off in Jumper four I'll be right there after him."

"John."

"Yes."

"If Rodney pulls the ZPM we won't be able to dial the gate again. You'll be on your own."

"No I won't," John said smiling. "Rodney will be there."

"Will he ?"

oOo

It happened late that night. John wasn't surprised at the timing. It was daytime on the planet and there were always less staff working at night.

The gate dialled with a computer generated automatic sequence opening a wormhole to the planet and then everything suddenly plunged into darkness as Rodney removed the ZPM. Emergency generators turned on some of the lights as Jumper four powered up and Rodney lowered it down into the gateroom.

John followed immediately afterwards using the onboard DHD to keep the wormhole open just long enough to slip through in Rodney's wake.

Rodney was heading rapidly down towards the planet. John followed closely on his tail. But John was at a disadvantage. He didn't want to destroy Rodney...

A drone flew from Jumper four heading straight for John's craft. "Crap!" John said as he turned swiftly to avoid the missile.

They entered the atmosphere almost side by side. John was staying so close that Rodney couldn't fire another drone. But John didn't want to target the engines because of all of the explosives that Rodney had on board. Not to mention their ZPM...

"Sheppard ?" Rodney said over the radio. "What are you doing ?"

John didn't answer. He positioned his Jumper immediately above Rodney's and started to descend, forcing him down.

They were skimming the tops of the trees, heading towards open fields.

"Sheppard...!"

"Better land McKay."

"You'll destroy us both."

John was less than a meter above Rodney's Jumper matching his speed precisely. Rodney was right. One wrong move and they were both dead.

Fortunately for John Rodney was neither a precision pilot nor suicidal. He powered the craft down and landed in a field.

"I'm jamming your cloak, Rodney," John said.

"Radek..." Rodney spat opening the back door.

John parked his Jumper a few feet away.

Rodney emerged from the craft and John went out to meet him. "Rodney..." he said. "What has happened to you ?"

Rodney pulled his sidearm from it's holster and pointed it directly at John.

John raised his hands walking slowly towards him. "Rodney..." he said.

Rodney fired the gun.

John dove to the side feeling the seering pain as the bullet passed through the flesh of his upper left arm. He pulled his own weapon and fired back hitting Rodney's weapon, knocking it from his hands.

John made a mental note to thank Ronon for the training as he ran towards Rodney who was off balance. John hit him with a full body slam knocking him off his feet.

Unfortunately Rodney had been training too and with a swift movement he hit John hard by his left eye using the heel of his hand. John rolled off him, his head spinning, only his military training helping him to roll to his feet as Rodney got to his.

John didn't want to use his handgun and Rodney had taken all of their stunners so he had to subdue him by hand.

"Why are you doing this Rodney ?" John said flexing the fingers on his left hand as blood trickled down his sleeve.

"The Queen requires it," Rodney said glaring. "And Meralda requires it."

"_Who the hell is Meralda_ ?" John thought. "Rodney think it through," John said. "What are you doing ?"

Rodney stood for a moment and relaxed his gaze. "You're right, John," he said walking forward. "I'm sorry."

The next thing that John knew he was flat on his back from where Rodney had hit him between his eyes. _"Stupid. Stupid_. _Stupid."_ John thought as Rodney grabbed his throat applying pressure. Spots of light started to dance before John's eyes. "Rodney..." he gasped.

Rodney stopped and released his grip, a confused look on his face. "John...?"

John couldn't take any chances. Taking a deep breath he hit Rodney hard in the face. Blood spurted from his nose as he fell back and he swayed on his hands and knees his right hand held up to his eyes.

Before Rodney could recover John put him in a choke hold cutting off the blood supply to his brain.

"John..." Rodney said weakly. "Please..."

John closed his eyes and resisted the urge to release him. Blood trickled down John's arm and mixed with Rodney's blood staining his shirt as he slipped into unconsciousness.

"I'm so sorry..." John said.

oOo

John returned with Rodney in Jumper four. Radek replaced the ZPM and John met with Carson in the Infirmary.

"I have him sedated," Carson said as he bandaged John's arm. "But I need the antidote to whatever's affecting his brain chemistry. Either that or a sample of the original ...er ...serum."

"Now that I _can_ do," John said pushing the button on his radio. "Ronon ? Teyla ? Gear up. We're gonna take a squad of marines and go pay a royal visit."

oOo

John, Teyla, Ronon, Lorne and seven marines all crammed into a single Jumper. When they got through the gate John headed straight to where he had parked Jumper one earlier. He hit the remote and the cloak disengaged, revealing the craft in the middle of the open field.

John landed Jumper three next to Jumper one and opened the back door. "OK Major," he said. "Follow us in and stay cloaked until I give you the word. Just hover nearby."

"Yes sir," Lorne said taking the pilot's seat as John, Ronon and Teyla entered Jumper one.

It was a short flight to the palace. Unlike the last time they were there when they parked the Jumper outside of the settlement, this time they landed in the large courtyard in the middle of the palace grounds.

This time John wanted to make an entrance. He was through playing games. He opened the door and they walked out, hands on their weapons, looking threatening. Something that came naturally to Ronon.

The people stayed back as the trio stepped towards the palace and stopped in front of the door, waiting.

The door was opened by two guards armed with spears and the Queen walked out onto the steps. She stopped looking down at them. Meralda stood behind her to her left.

"Good morning," John said. "My friend was drugged when we were here the other day. I want the antidote."

"To the point Colonel Sheppard," the Queen said. "And why should I comply ? You are but three. I have many more guards," she said gesturing towards the armed men.

"Oh there are more than three of us," John said tapping his radio. "You may decloak, Major."

The second Jumper materialized hovering above them. The people in the courtyard scattered, running into the surrounding houses.

The Queen stood her ground staring impassively. Meralda and the guards also stayed still.

"_Man she's cool,"_ John thought. "Now," he said. "Give us the antidote."

"Or ?" the Queen asked.

"Or we have enough firepower to completely destroy this palace and everything around it. Then we'll sift through the rubble and find the antidote."

"Give it to him, Meralda," the Queen said. "His friend is of no further use to us anyway." Without another word the Queen turned and walked back into the palace.

"Meralda," John said.

She stopped on the steps and stared at him.

"Don't even think of bringing the wrong one."

oOo

John ran after Rodney as he walked down the hallway catching up with him as he turned the corner into his lab tapping away on a hand held padd.

"Hey," John said. "Want to come grab some lunch ?"

Rodney looked up at him, a large bandage still across his face. "Maybe later," he said looking tired. "You would not believe how many systems I managed to jack around with while I was er affected. I think that I've identified most of the major problems but I don't entirely remember everything so I'm kinda shooting in the dark."

"Well it's good to have you back."

"Hum. Did you have to hit me in the face ?"

"Well you _shot_ me, Rodney."

oOo

There we go. A slightly different McKay.  
Reviews ? ;)

Debbie


	54. The Exoskeleton

**Disclaimer:** Whatever

OK. This is for all those who love whumping stories (and who doesn't ?) as there is enough to go around in this one. It has physical whumping for Rodney (Duh!!) and emotional for John the reasons for which are about to be revealed...

**The Exoskeleton.**

"So what is it Rodney ?" John said looking idly around the abandoned lab while Rodney was checking out the computer.

"Give me a minute," Rodney replied plugging his data padd into the console.

"Well it's been a few minutes already. I just figured..."

"Oh don't bait me Colonel," Rodney said waving his hand at him. "Look around for a bit while I check this out. Don't touch anything," he added.

John wandered around looking at the various objects scattered around. A small silver bracelet with a large green stone caught his eye. Without thinking he picked it up.

Immediately John knew that he was in trouble. The stone glowed brightly and then the bracelet wrapped itself rapidly around his hand and wrist with the green stone positioned on the back of his hand. Then it started to grow. A silver tendril shot out from the stone and stretched up John's arm underneath the sleeve of his shirt. John could feel it spreading and dividing across his skin. It snaked across his shoulders, up his neck and down his left arm ending in a loop around his left wrist just below his watch. He also felt it wrap around his chest and down his back where it divided and wrapped around each leg ending at his ankles. The whole process took less than half a minute.

"Er...Rodney..." he said turning towards him.

"What is it ? I'm busy," Rodney said without turning around.

"I, um. have a bit of a problem..." John said scratching at the back of his neck where the tendril had stopped.

"What now ?" Rodney said turning to look at him. He walked forward seeing the green stone glowing on John's hand. "What did I say about not touching anything ?" he said. Rodney lifted John's sleeve to look at the object and noticed that the silver band was stretching up his arm. "How..er...far is that...?"

John held out his other arm to show where the silver band peeked out from under his shirt and was wrapped around his wrist. "And down my back and legs and across my chest," he said sheepishly.

Rodney let out a big sigh and walked behind him. He pulled at John's collar to see the back of his neck. The tendril had spread out so that it formed a silver disc ending at his hairline. Rodney pulled at it.

"Ow ! That's stuck !" John yelped. He moved and pushed Rodney gently away. At least he thought that it was gentle.

Rodney was knocked completely off his feet. "Hey !" he said. "You don't have to be that rough."

"I didn't...I wasn't..." John said reaching to help him up. With an easy movement he lifted Rodney to his feet.

"Whoa !" Rodney said. "Did you just do what I think you just did ?"

"Hey," John said. "I'm super strong. This is so cool."

"Test it out," Rodney said. "Lift something...Not me ! Try that console over there."

"Oh. Right." John walked over to a free standing console and lifted it with ease. "Oh this is so great," he said putting it down. "Even cooler than the personal shield."

"Only if you can get it off," Rodney said. "Try concentrating on removing it."

John furrowed his brow in concentration. Nothing happened.

"So are you concentrating ?"

"Yes Rodney I am."

"You sure ? I mean..."

"Yes I'm sure. Nothing's happening."

"Crap ! OK. Go outside and play with Ronon or something. I'll dig deeper into the database and see what I can find. And try not to break anybody," he yelled as John ran outside looking like a kid in a playground. "_Typical," _Rodney thought as he pulled up the data and started to read. _"Sheppard goes and has fun while I get to do the research."_

oOo

And John did find that it was totally fun. He could lift Ronon bodily and actually throw him. Ronon, who was not used to being lifted by anyone least of all John, found the whole thing thoroughly disconcerting and complained bitterly even though he landed safely on his feet.

Teyla sat under a tree watching them spar and shook her head. Some things she just never would understand she mused as John jumped up into one of the other trees.

Rodney meanwhile was still sifting through data and quietly cursing the ancients' habit of arranging things in no particular order whatsoever. It often seemed that they plopped things into the system willy nilly just as they came across it and just to frustrate him. Which they were.

"Come on," he muttered to himself as he scrolled through yet more pages that were completely unrelated to anything that he needed. "Do I care what your scientist's names were ? Whoa. Now _that's_ interesting..." He read for a few minutes. "_Oh no," _he thought. "_I've got to warn the others_." He hit the button on his radio. "Ronon ? Teyla ?" There was no answer. "Crap !" Rodney muttered softly and he headed outside.

Rodney opened the outside door and looked out. He didn't see any sign of movement so he stepped outside and sealed the door behind him. He had a bad feeling about this.

As he moved away from the building he saw first Ronon and then Teyla sprawled unconscious on the grass. "Oh no," he said moving towards Teyla. He heard a noise to his right and started to turn towards it. Then everything went black.

John stood looking down at the unconscious scientist for a moment before running towards the trees.

oOo

Rodney woke up slowly. His head was pounding and he felt nauseous. He rolled over to his hands and knees and retched which made his head feel worse. He opened his eyes and saw that Teyla was still laying unmoving on the grass. He glanced across at Ronon who was getting to his feet holding his head.

Rodney didn't want to risk standing right away so he crawled the few feet that separated him from Teyla. She was pale and had an ungly bruise on the left side of her face but she was breathing. "_Thank God_," he thought.

"It was Sheppard," Ronon said walking over to them. "He suddenly attacked without warning."

Rodney resisted the impulse to point out that suddenly and without warning kinda meant the same thing and concentrated instead on standing up without falling over or being sick again. "I know," he said. "I just found something to that effect in the database. Look. Teyla needs a doctor. You'd better take her back to Atlantis."

"What about you ?"

"I'm gonna find out how to get that thing off him. And Ronon..."

"Yeah," Ronon said as he picked Teyla up.

"Tell them to keep the shield up unless I say otherwise. I don't want John in the city until he's himself again."

Ronon nodded and headed towards the gate.

Rodney took his handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his face. "_Back to work_," he thought.

oOo

It took almost an hour for Rodney to find the sequence to remove the exoskeleton. He punched the symbols into the console and hit the main switch. The machine responded with a single pulse that vibrated through the room. There was a display on the HUD that showed the extent of the pulse. "Oh you have got to be kidding me," Rodney said as it revealed that the EM emission didn't reach past the control room where he was standing. "He has to be in here ? Who designed this anyway ?" Rodney heard a noise just outside the room and realized that he had forgotten to seal the door when he came back in. "Oh crap," he said as he began to reenter the sequence. He had almost finished when he felt John grab him by the back of his tac vest and he found himself being flung across the room.

Pain shot through his left shoulder as he slid to a halt against the wall and he winced as he got to his feet.

John was facing him. He had a blank expression on his face and his eyes were glowing with the same green light as the stone on his hand.

"John ?" Rodney said moving slightly to his right. "You've got to fight it. You hear me ?"

John moved towards him still staring. Rodney tried to dodge but wasn't quick enough as John hit him bodily digging his arm into Rodney's chest and stomach and forcing him back against the wall.

Rodney gasped for breath as John stepped back to hit him again. He coughed and blood filled his mouth and dribbled down his chin.

Desperate, Rodney used the last of his strength to move around John. He flung himself across the console and punched in the last two symbols, hitting the main switch as John grabbed him again from behind.

This time John pulled him full force away from the machine. Rodney flew through the air and hit the wall with a sickening thud. He collapsed in a heap on the floor leaving a smear of blood stretching down the wall as the machine let out the single pulse.

John froze in position. The green glow faded from his eyes and the stone as the tendrils rapidly retracted back into the stone where they had come from. He fell dazed to the floor as the bracelet dropped from his wrist.

John sat up with his back to the machine holding his head. "Rodney ?" he said. "Oh my God. What happened ?" He moved quickly across to where Rodney lay. He put his hand gently on the back of Rodney's head and it came away covered in blood. John pulled a bandage from his pocket and tried to stop some of the bleeding. He hit his radio. "Ronon ? Teyla ?... I've got to get help..." John ran to the gate and dialled Atlantis. "I need help," he said over the radio. "Rodney's badly hurt and I don't know where Ronon and Teyla are."

"Ronon and Teyla are here," Elizabeth answered. "Close the wormhole and we'll send through a medical team."

John was surprised when a security team led by Ronon came through first but he understood as soon as Ronon hit his radio. "He's clear," he said. "Come on through."

"What did I do ?" John asked as Carson came through the event horizon with a medical team and a gurney.

"You attacked us," Ronon said sternly. "Teyla's in the Infirmary with a concussion."

"Where is he ?" Carson asked.

"This way," John said somberly leading the way to the building.

oOo

Carson kept Rodney heavily sedated for the next three days to allow the intracranial swelling to subside. John came every day and stood at the end of his bed as the monitor steadily beeped in step with the ventilator that was keeping him alive.

Carson stood next to him. "I'll be weaning him off the sedatives here tonight," he said. "Then he'll be waking up probably by tomorrow afternoon."

John nodded but didn't say anything.

"Are ya sure you don't want to talk to Doctor Heightmeyer ?" Carson asked. "Ya shouldn't be takin' it this hard. It was nae ya fault."

"And who's fault was it then ?" John said looking at him. "Rodney told me not to touch anything. I almost murdered everyone on my team."

"But you didn't. They're gonna be fine. Rodney will be his usual acerbic self in a few days."

"I threw him against a wall. I knocked out Ronon. Gave Teyla a concussion..."

"And gave yourself some sleepless nights I'll wager."

John smiled slightly. "You know me too well, Carson," he said. "I'll be back later."

"I can give ya somethin' to help you sleep."

"No thanks. I'll be OK."

"Aye," Carson said softly as he watched him leave. "Eventually."

oOo

"The problem was that the device used a form of nanite technology," Rodney explained as they sat in the conference room. He still looked pale even though it had been two weeks since the incident. "And that once it had bonded with the user it took over."

"Nanites ?" John asked looking concerned. "That won't do anything er permanent will it ?"

"Probably not," Rodney said waving his hand offhandedly.

John didn't look convinced.

"The scientist that originally developed it tried it on himself and killed all of the twelve member science team," Rodney continued. "They found him in the forest only by then he had completely lost his mind."

"It's amazing," Teyla said. "That something that looks so innocent could cause so much destruction."

"Where is it now ?" Elizabeth asked.

"I've sealed it in a box, labelled it with a warning and put it in storage," Rodney said.

"Should drop it into the ocean," Ronon said.

"Same difference putting it in that storage room," Rodney said. "I have some of my staff that spend most of their time cataloging that stuff."

"I thought that was your punishment detail," John said.

"Only for Radek."

Elizabeth put her head in her hands as they continued.

"You know some people actually enjoy doing that ?" Rodney observed turning to look at John.

"Really ?..."

oOo

Short (and sweet?)  
love some reviews - as always ;D  
debbie


	55. Of Mice And Physicists

**Disclaimer:** Whatever...  
PS: I in no way mean to imply that my resident psycho in this story is in any way associated with PETA so don't email me OK. PETA is only mentioned because I figured that people would recognize the name.

This little story just started with the idea of what happens if you get mice breeding in the machinery. Of course we can't leave it that light can we...

**Of Mice And Physicists.**

"How did I get roped into this detail ?"

"Well Rodney you were the one that said that everybody needs to pitch in on this problem," John said as he crawled underneath the machine with a glue trap in his hand. "A little light here..."

"Oh sorry. Yes but I wasn't including myself in that."

"Oh ? Quote: "Since George and Gracie escaped from the biology lab the problem has been growing exponentially. We all need to work to alleviate the problem as they're building nests in machinery all over the city, chewing wires and shorting out circuits." Unquote."

Rodney sighed. "I'm well aware of what I said. What I mean is..."

"That you're too important to go around doing mouse duty."

"Exactly. You understand...Oh. You're being sarcastic. Funny."

"Where to next ?" John said as he stood up and dusted himself off.

Rodney checked his padd. "Two rooms down. There's another console that they could be getting into. The problem is that they have no natural predators here so we're being overrun."

John smiled. "Then there's the "You can't poison them it's inhumane," people. By the way there are one or two members of PETA who are rather upset with you."

"Oh shoot the messenger. I didn't cause the problem," Rodney said trying the door. "They can gather them up and take them to the mainland for all I care. Let the foxes or whatever take care of them. As long as they're out of the machinery...What's the matter with this thing ?" he said pulling the cover off the door control. Rodney fiddled with the crystals for a moment and then the door slid silently open.

And an entire room full of seawater emptied out into the hallway.

Rodney got flung into the opposite wall, his padd was wrenched from his hand and floated several feet away. John got swept off his feet and ended up back by the door to the room that they'd just left, flat on his back and gasping to catch his breath.

When the water subsided John managed to get to his feet and he walked over to where Rodney was sitting holding his head. A small stream of water trickled out through the open doorway. "You OK ?" John asked helping him up.

"Oh just peachy. I'm soaking wet, cold, and I smacked my head on the wall."

"I'm fine too thanks for asking. What happened ?"

Rodney looked at him and crossed his arms.

"What I mean Rodney is why was it flooded and why didn't the sensors show that it was flooded ?"

Rodney picked up his, now useless, padd up off the floor. "Well it's probably has had a small leak for some time and if I check the sensors and alert systems in there I'll no doubt find a mouse nest or something," he said with a sigh. "This is causing all kinds of problems.

"Like tribbles huh."

"Only these run around and chew things. And they're not as cute as tribbles."

John looked in the dripping wet room. "Well I guess we don't need to bait that room," he said smiling as Rodney glared at him.

"Don't smile like that in front of the kitchen staff," Rodney said. "They're out for blood. Look. I need to get changed and I need to get a new padd. What say we take a break ?"

"Works for me," John said.

Neither of them noticed as several long, pale serpents slipped out of the open door behind them and into the ductwork in the floor.

oOo

"Isn't there an easier way ?" John said taking a sip of his coffee as they sat in the mess hall. "Electronics or something."

"Oh yes why didn't I think of that ?" Rodney said looking up from the padd he was working on. "But then it's so much more fun crawling around in the dirt."

"You know what I mean Rodney."

"The way that the city is constructed makes it virtually impossible to send a consistant electronic signal that will cover everything instead of just driving them further into the machinery. Besides the only wavelength that really worked upset the Athosians. Trust me," he added taking a sip of coffee. "This was not my first idea. We even talked about bringing in some cats."

"What was wrong with that idea ?"

"Well do you want the domesticated 'I'm gonna hang around the kitchen and ignore the mice' kind or the ones that we've found here in the Pegasus Galaxy that would probably eat us and still ignore the mice ? Quite apart from the "no pet" rule and who's gonna clean up after the cats. I'd sooner let Ronon loose..."

"So where to next ?"

Rodney sighed and pulled his padd across.

oOo

_A few days later..._

Rodney was checking readings in one of the labs. He was walking from display to display with his padd in hand making notations as he went.

John ambled up next to him. "You know," he said smiling. "You should just get one of those padds surgically attached."

"Uh huh," Rodney said without looking at him. "Did you need something or did you just come to pester me ?"

"Something weird's happening."

"Oh ?"

"The mice are disappearing."

Rodney stopped and looked at him. "And this is weird why ? We spent all that time putting traps out for that very purpose."

"Yeah but they're not in the traps. My guys have been checking. Apart from one or two the traps are empty."

"And yet people aren't seeing mice around any more ?"

"Right. I just wondered if you were trying an electronic gizmo after all."

"No I told you that it wouldn't work. I wonder where the mice are going...Have we checked our "PETA" type people ? Made sure they're not stashing them in their quarters or something ?"

"No...That's an idea though," John said scratching his head.

"Well frankly I don't care where they're going so long as they're out of the machinery," Rodney said going back to what he'd been doing. "Is that all ? I'm kinda busy here."

"Yeah that was all I had. I'll see you at lunch."

Rodney just gave him a half wave as he continued to work.

oOo

The first human casualty came two days later. Marine Sergeant Henry Gibson was discovered dead in his bed after not reporting for his duty shift.

Carson met with Elizabeth and John in her office after completing the autopsy.

"Well he was strangled," Carson said. "Looks like someone used a strong rope or belt."

"How could anyone strangle a fully trained marine in his bed without him fighting them off ?" John asked. "Was he drugged ?"

"Not as far as I can tell. Of course I haven't done the full tox screen yet but there's no signs of any impairment."

"And the CCTV didn't show anyone entering or leaving the room since he returned to his quarters last night," Elizabeth said.

"Could it have been tampered with ?" John asked.

"Rodney's checking that now but it doesn't look like it."

John scratched his head. "I don't get it," he said.

"Well all I can tell ya is that it looks like he was murdered," Carson said. "I'll let you know when I have the lab results."

"Thanks," Elizabeth said.

The next afternoon Doctor Angela Benton, one of the senior biologists, was found dead in her quarters. She was seated in her recliner and had also apparently been asleep when she was attacked.

"She was last seen this morning leaving the mess hall," Rodney said. "There's nothing on any of the video feeds to show that anyone but her entered her quarters until she was discovered."

"Could it have been tampered with ?" Elizabeth asked looking up from her desk.

"In theory I guess it's possible but if someone's altering the feed they're doing a good job of covering their tracks."

"Any connection between the two ?"

"Aside from how they died nothing that we can tell," John replied. "They didn't even live in the same section."

"We have to find out what's going on," Elizabeth said. "Rumors are starting to circulate about some kind of vengeful spirit."

"Oh please," Rodney said. "There has to be a logical explanation."

"Then find it gentlemen," Elizabeth said.

oOo

Two days later two more people had been murdered. A young Athosian girl who had been taking a nap and a female marine attached to Major Lorne's unit.

Elizabeth met with the senior staff in the conference room. "Panic is starting to set in," she said walking around the table. "People are afraid to go to sleep."

"Aye I'm handing out stimulents left, right and center."

"Any suggestions anyone ?" Elizabeth continued.

"Whoever or whatever it is, it's not showing up on any of our video feeds," Rodney said. "Anywhere in the city."

"Could they be cloaked ?" John asked.

"I don't know of any personal cloaking device. The power problem makes it unlikely. Besides," Rodney replied. "They'd still have to open the door."

"Any way of navigating around the city without appearing on any of the cameras ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Through the ductwork maybe," Rodney said. "But you'd still have to get in and out of it and several of the places are too small for a person to fit in..."

"What about this ?" Ronon said entering the room. He threw a dead snake into the middle of the conference table.

"Well that explains what happened to the mice," John said.

"I caught it in the marine's quarters," Ronon said. "It was curled up behind her bed."

"It must have travelled through the ventilation system," Rodney said looking disgusted.

"Can we rig up LSDs to check for any more ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well now I know what we're looking for," Rodney said. "Give me an hour."

oOo

Rodney sat at his computer in his lab reconfiguring the sensors to detect anomalous life signs and then filtering out the larger life signs that would indicate people. As he had expected the sensors didn't reach far into the ventilation system nor did it show the conduits with enough clarity to pinpoint small life signs. They would have to use the hand held Life Signs Detectors and do a manual search of the city. He had several on the table in front of him and he popped the back off one to begin the delicate process of altering it's functions.

He heard someone enter the lab behind him. "You're early Sheppard," he said turning in his seat. "I said to give me..."

The blow caught him firmly on the side of his head. Rodney was knocked from his chair and he hit the floor hard. He looked up, dazed, at the figure silhouetted above him.

"Murderer !" the man said as he brought the metal pipe down once more on Rodney's head.

oOo

John walked into the lab. He noticed that Rodney had his door closed. That was unusual when he was working. Still it had been just over an hour so he should have something ready by now.

John opened the door. "Rodney ?" he said. "Rodney !"

The lab had been trashed. Rodney's laptop had been thrown against the wall. The LSDs had been broken into pieces and scattered across the room. M U R D E R E R had been spray painted on the wall in red.

John took all of this in at a glance. Along with the sight of Rodney slumped unconscious on the floor with blood pooled on the floor around his head.

John knelt down next to him. "_Thank God," _he thought as he felt his pulse. It was weak and rapid but it was there. John tapped his radio. "Carson ?" he said. "I have a medical emergency..."

oOo

"He has a severe skull fracture with a corresponding coup contrecoup injury and hematoma. It was lucky that you showed up when you did or he'd be dead," Carson said.

"Will he be OK ?" John asked.

"Too early to be certain. I'll have to keep him heavily sedated for at least the next two or three days to allow the intracranial pressure to drop. I'll know more then...Colonel...?"

John turned back. "Yes Carson."

"Whoever hit him meant business. They were out to kill him."

John nodded somberly and left to meet with Radek Zelenka and Elizabeth in her office.

"Can you do it Radek ?" Elizabeth was asking as John walked in.

"I am not sure," Radek answered. "Adapting ancient technology is Rodney's field more than mine. I can try but it will take a while."

"In the meantime more people may die," John said. "Can we seal off the vents ? Stop the snakes in their tracks ?"

"The ventilation system removes carbon dioxide as well as supplying oxygen," Radek said. "If we close off the ventilation..."

"Then people could suffocate," Elizabeth said.

"Precisely. And the snakes could still travel through the conduits," Radek added.

"OK," Elizabeth said. "Radek you work on adapting the LSDs to detect the snakes. Meanwhile no one goes to sleep without someone else in the room."

"And we'll hunt the old fashioned way," John said. "Ronon's already tracking them."

"Any news on who attacked Rodney ?" Elizabeth asked. "Or why."

John shook his head. "The CCTV picked him up and caught the attack but he was wearing a hat and turned the lights down before he vandalized the lab. Couldn't make anything out. We'll find him though. After we get the snakes. And then we'll find out why."

oOo

_Three weeks later..._

Rodney sat slumped in his chair in the conference room, a half drunk cup of coffee sitting in front of him. The right side of his face was still bruised from the attack.

John was sitting next to him quietly sharing a joke while they waited for Elizabeth. Rodney smiled and then winced as she came in and sat down.

"Are you sure you're fit ?" Elizabeth asked noticing his look of pain and the bruising.

"Carson says that as long as I don't overdo it I'll be fine," Rodney said. "I can't believe that it took Radek two days to modify the LSDs," he added rolling his eyes.

"Ronon had found the snakes by then," John said leaning back. "Still it was good to make sure that we'd got them all. Of course they were dying anyway."

"Where did they come from ?" Elizabeth asked.

"We think they were in that flooded compartment. They live in the sea and can survive on the land for quite a while if they're not in the sun. They came in after the mice," John added.

"And those stupid mice were the reason that I was attacked," Rodney said. "Although why he picked on me I don't know. Wilson's the head of the Biology Department."

"We've already talked about this Rodney," John said turning towards him. "You're the head over all of the Science Departments and you're the one that organized the mouse hunt."

"Only because I was sick of repairing stuff. Unlike Radek I don't incinerate mice."

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth said. "Who are we talking about ?"

John slid a printout across the table to Elizabeth. It showed a photograph of a slim dark haired man and some personal details.

"Benjamin Colburn," Elizabeth said glancing at the photograph. "I don't recognize him."

"He works as a janitor," John said. "We found some letters on his computer hard drive and some flyers in his quarters. Apparently he has a thing about rescuing poor lab animals."

"He's the one who released the mice in the first place," Rodney said.

"Yeah and you'd reamed Wilson for that too," John said smiling. Rodney just shrugged.

"So is he in custody ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Nope," John said. "But his brother Brian is." John leaned forward as Elizabeth looked puzzled. "Corporal Brian Colburn "borrowed" a Jumper and flew his brother to the mainland. He could be anywhere. Staff that don't go offworld don't have transponders."

"I see. And Corporal Colburn ?"

"Is being sent back to earth to face accessory charges and a court martial," John said sliding another printout across the table.

Elizabeth looked from one to the other. "They're twins," she said.

"Triplets actually," John said. "Bobby Colburn works in Cheyenne Mountain."

"Could that cause problems ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Not for us," Rodney said. "As long as they stay on earth. Which would be my recommendation by the way."

"Fine. Well if there's nothing else."

John shook his head and got to his feet. "Want to watch a movie ?"

"Sure," Rodney replied. "No animal flicks."

oOo

Different ?  
Love some reviews (as always) ;D  
debbie

Medical note:coup contrecoup is when you have a head injury and the brain hits the opposite side of the skull to the injury. Hematoma is bleeding in the brain (Hence subdural (beneath the dura (membrane) ) hematoma. Hope that helps ;) (Knew my EMT course would come in useful for something..)  
debbie


	56. The Celestial Shield

**Disclaimer: **The usual

Something just a wee bit darker...

**The Celestial Shield**

Rodney blinked in the sudden sunlight as he stepped through the event horizon. He got his small hand held padd out from his vest pocket as John and Teyla looked around and Ronon stepped through behind him carrying a large case and Rodney's pack.

"Hey what's in the bag, McKay ?" Ronon asked moving the bag to a more comfortable position on his left shoulder which also left his gun hand free.

"It's a naquadah generator," Rodney replied checking his padd. "This way," he said pointing.

"So you assume that it's just a power problem ?" John asked as they walked.

"Judging from my readings the energy levels are extremely low," Rodney said. "If they've been constantly running their shield then it's no wonder that the zed p m is seriously depleted."

"And the generator will be able to replace it ?" Teyla asked.

"Oh hell no," Rodney smiled. "Not even close. I wish..."

"Then why are we...?" John said.

Rodney sighed. "It won't replace a fully functional zed p m," he said. "But it will enable them to shield their village from their hostile neighbors. Just not twenty four seven or however many hours there are in a day here."

"So we just pop it in and then we can leave ?" Ronon said.

"No," Rodney replied. "Firstly I have to make sure that that's all that's wrong with it and you can't just "pop it in". I'll need to modify their equipment so that it will interface with our technology."

"So an hour then ?" John said smiling and scratching his ear.

"Funny...Give me two."

As they walked towards the settlement two men lay flat on a nearby hill watching them. "I told you that strangers had come through the ancestral ring," one said quietly.

"They head for the Beonite settlement," the other man said. "Their shield of protection must be faltering or they would not let them through. Go and fetch the others," he added. "Now is our chance."

The first man nodded and then left keeping low and out of sight as the second stayed watching.

oOo

They were met at the edge of the settlement by Kel the leader of the Beonite people. He bowed slightly and touched a pendant around his neck. The shimmering field surrounding the settlement switched itself off.

Rodney looked surprised. "A remote," he said quietly to John. "I wonder what the range is on that thing."

"Come," Kel said. "We can talk once we are safely behind the celestial sphere." He waved them forward. Once they had moved he pressed the pendant again and the barrier returned. Kel relaxed visibly.

"I'm Colonel John Sheppard, this is Doctor Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex and Teyla Emmagan."

Kel bowed again. "I am Kel, leader of the Beonite settlement. Welcome."

"When you met with our other team," John said. "You said that your er celestial sphere was failing, however..."

"It seems to be working now," Rodney said looking up at how the field distorted the sunlight.

Kel smiled as they walked up the path to the settlement. "It switches off without warning," he said. "And fades when our twin orbs are low," he pointed towards their suns.

"That's more than just a power problem," Rodney said.

"Great," John muttered. John couldn't put his finger on it but he didn't like the vibes in this place.

"What are you so afraid of ?" Teyla asked.

"The neighboring settlement, the Zoarites, would slaughter us if they could," Kel said.

"Don't you have any weapons ?" Ronon asked as they entered one of the larger buildings.

"We have had no need of them since our father Petra," Kel stopped in front of a large portrait showing an aged man with pale eyes and a long white beard. "provided the celestial sphere. It has protected our people day and night ever since."

Rodney crossed his arms and then covered his face with his right hand. "And how long ago did Petra provide the er sphere?" he asked.

"It has been over two hundred cycles now," Kel said proudly. "It has constantly protected us."

"Until now," John said.

"Yes. Until now."

"When will you people learn that you can't run a shield all the time ?"

"Rodney."

"Well Colonel really. Where is the machine ?"

"This way," Kel said showing them to a side room.

A large orb glowed faintly in the middle of what appeared to be standard ancient technology. Rodney walked around it using his scanner. He stopped at a table to the side and pulled his laptop from his back. Ronon put the bags down next to him.

"There's been some modifications made," Rodney said. "Tell me. Have you er been losing area coverage lately ? Has the shield shrunk ?" he asked as he opened up his computer and waited for it to boot up.

"Why yes," Kel said. "Several of our outlying fields are now on the other side of the sphere and under Zoarite control."

"Uh huh."

"What does that mean Rodney ?" John asked.

"It's been attempting to compensate for the dwindling power of the zed p m by decreasing it's spread. Conserving energy by covering a smaller area. At the rate it's going in a few days only the main buildings will be covered and soon after that it will fail completely."

"Why so suddenly ?"

"It hasn't been sudden Colonel. It just seems that way because the machine has been compensating for probably years. Now the er well has just run dry."

"So can you fix it ?" Ronon asked.

Rodney gave him an "oh please" look. "By interfacing it with our naquadah generator I can give it enough power to run for another fifty or so years."

Kel smiled.

"But not constantly," Rodney continued. "On an emergency basis only. You'll have to keep watch or something."

"It will protect us from attack ?"

"Yes but you can only use it when you're actually being attacked. You can't leave it running all the time. I can put in a fairly simple activation switch, maybe even link it to your remote device there. Oh and I'll need to power it down while I'm working on it."

Kel looked horrified. "But the Zoarites...?"

"Maybe we can help there," John said raising his P90. "Let's set up a lookout system and we'll help you guard the settlement while Rodney fixes your sphere." He guided Kel outside leaving Rodney alone with the machinery. Rodney started typing on his computer. That was the way that he preferred it anyway, to be left alone to work.

oOo

John and the team toured the settlement with Kel as he showed them their houses and marketplace.

"They have no defenses Sheppard," Ronon said. "Or any weapons to speak of."

John nodded. "They've relied totally on the shield," he said. "With no need to fight or protect themselves..."

"They have left themselves very vulnerable," Teyla said smiling at passing villagers who were staring at their weapons.

"Sheppard."

John tapped his radio. "Yes Rodney," he said.

"I'm about ready to power down the shield."

"How long will you need ?"

"To make the necessary adjustments and complete the interface about thirty minutes. Assuming that there aren't any unforeseen complications."

"Like what ?" Ronon said listening in.

"I don't know," Rodney said irritated. "That's why I said unforeseen."

"We need to set up some watchmen and organize some kind of rudimentary defenses," John said. "I'll let you know when it's clear."

"Good idea then we can power it back down after testing."

John turned to Kel. "OK," he said. "Let's see what we can do shall we ?"

oOo

Ronon looked across the landscape as they got ready for Rodney to drop the shield. "Too many trees," he said. "Too much cover. Are we even sure that there'll be an attack ?"

John scratched his head as he stood next to him. "Frankly I just think he's paranoid," he said. "I can't see why the Zoarites would be waiting to attack after this long. But it doesn't hurt to prepare at least a little."

They walked back to the square where they met with Teyla. "They have positioned lookouts around the town," she said. "And the people are armed with whatever knives and farm implements that we can find."

Ronon snorted in disgust.

"Hey if it makes them feel better," John said tapping his radio. "OK Rodney we're ready."

oOo

The Zoarites watched from the forest to the east of the settlement.

Brannon, their leader, was getting impatient. "Are you sure ?" he said to the scout. "They have been protected for many cycles. What makes you think that their shield will fail now ?"

"The strangers that came through the ancestral ring have remained in the settlement and have been walking around the perimeter. Something is happening my Lord I am sure of it."

"You had better be," Brannon said. "We will wait for one half sunset." He sat down at the base of a tree as the army silently waited.

Several minutes later the scout spoke. "My Lord," he said. "The shield has fallen."

Brannon stood and looked towards the settlement. "Well done," he said gesturing towards the soldiers who started to move stealthily towards Beon. "This is a momentous day. After so many cycles we will finally finish what our forefathers started. The destruction of their kind once and for all !"

oOo

Ronon turned sharply at the sound. "Sheppard !"

"That's blaster fire," John said. "Take cover people !" He tapped his radio. "Hurry it up Rodney. We've got company."

"Crap...OK...Ten minutes..."

"They have blasters. We may not have ten minutes."

"Oh we can't do anything without narrowing the deadline can we...fine..."

John, Ronon and Teyla had the people hide in the buildings while they did what they could to fight off the, fortunately small, invading army.

Rodney was working at his computer feverishly typing commands into the machine and willing it to work faster. He heard a noise from the doorway to his right. "Almost done..." he said turning.

The blast from the man's weapon caught Rodney in the midsection just to the right of his navel. Pain exploded through him like fire and his knees buckled. He hit his head on the edge of the table as he fell and everything faded mercifully into blackness...

Brannon looked down on him then turned and silently walked out, leaving Rodney lying in a pool of blood.

John saw Brannon run from the building. He tried to take a shot at him but his guards covered his retreat. The Zoarites pulled back towards the trees to regroup.

"Why are they retreating ?" Ronon asked.

"Rodney !" John said running into the building.

John skidded to a halt in the now open doorway. "Oh my God," he said as he saw Rodney on the floor. He rushed to his side and knelt down to check his pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt it. It was rapid but strong. John turned as Ronon stepped into the doorway. "Cover me," he said pulling bandages out of his pocket and the portable medkit out of Rodney's pack which was on the floor.

John rapidly bandaged the cut on Rodney's left temple. It wasn't really deep but it was bleeding quite heavily. Then he turned his attention to the wound in Rodney's side. It was a through and through. The blaster had drilled a hole from his front to his back. "Damn !" John muttered as he realized that he was going to have to stitch the wound closed.

Fortunately basic medical care was part of their training. That didn't mean, however, that John was real comfortable doing it. The suture kit was already prepared and he frowned in concentration as he closed the wound in Rodney's front and covered it with a field dressing.

"They're staying back," Ronon said. "We got a lot of them. They're probably waiting for dark."

"Well with any luck we'll have the shield up by then," John said as he turned Rodney onto his left side so that he could work on his back.

"They probably figured that they'd killed him."

"They were nearly right," John said pulling another suture out of the medkit.

As John stitched the wound Rodney started to regain consciousness. "Ah !" he cried out and flinched. "What are...you doing ?...Ow !"

"Hold still Rodney," John said. "You were shot. I'm trying to close the wound."

"With what ? A staplegun ?"

"That would be quicker...there, done. Let me put a dressing on it."

Rodney's eyes were squeezed shut in pain and he was gasping for breath. He flinched again as John turned him onto his back.

"I have morphine in the kit," John said. "But I need you er non loopy. We need to get the shield up while they're regrouping."

"By we you mean...me," Rodney said. He gestured towards his computer and clicked his fingers. "Hopefully...he didn't damage...anything," he said weakly as John handed it down to him. John pulled the pack over and used it to prop Rodney up. Rodney nodded his acknowledgement and continued typing. "Nothing's happening...something should be...happening. Check the interface connection."

"The what ?" John said standing up.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Is it plugged in ?" he snapped.

John pushed on the plug. It slotted in and the machine lit up and started to hum. The strange sphere in the center glowed brightly. Rodney continued to enter commands although a little slower.

"You did it Rodney," John said.

"I'm gonna check on the people," Ronon said walking out.

"What are you doing now ?" John asked.

"There's something strange about that glowy...orb thing," Rodney said as his computer rapidly scrolled data. "I'm gonna download everything that I can so I can...check it later."

"OK Rodney. I'm gonna go back to the gate with Ronon and bring a Jumper..."

"And Carson ?"

"And Carson and we'll get you home."

"It'll be quicker if I go alone," Ronon said from the doorway. "Beckett can fly the Jumper back. Someone's gotta organize the cleanup."

"How many ?"

"Still countin'. At least fifty villagers and as many of the Zoarites."

John looked grim.

"I had to turn it off," Rodney said. "It was gonna fail...anyway."

"We should have been better prepared."

"You had no way of knowin'," Ronon said. "Everything is not your fault Sheppard. Stuff happens."

"Can we er analyze this later ? In pain here..."

Ronon grinned and ran out of the door.

oOo

Several days later when John went to visit Rodney he found him sitting up in bed typing on his laptop and frowning intently, concentrating on the screen.

"What are you doing ?" John asked walking around to look at his screen.

"Hush," Rodney said. "One of the nurses smuggled in my laptop and I don't want her to get in trouble with Carson."

"Not supposed to be working huh ?"

"I'm not working. I'm checking the data from that shield machine."

"And ?"

"There's some weird stuff connected with that orb."

"Oh ?"

"Yeah and it looks kinda familiar...uh oh."

"What is it Rodney ?"

Rodney looked up at him wide-eyed. "It's wraith !"

oOo

"We helped wraith worshippers ?!" Ronon said loudly.

"Quiet or I'll throw ya out," Carson said from across the Infirmary. "I mean it laddie."

Ronon stopped at the bottom of Rodney's bed and scowled.

"But how is that possible ?" Teyla said. "They seemed so..."

"Normal ?" John said. "It's not like they walk around with big signs."

"I could unhook the generator," Rodney said. "We'd just have to go back."

"It's too late," John said somberly. "Lorne took a cloaked Jumper through. There's been a culling. There's no one left except the Beonites."

"I can fix that," Ronon said unholstering his gun.

Teyla put her hand gently on his arm. "Ronon," she said. "They worship the wraith out of fear not malice."

"Petra probably sold out for the shield to protect them from their neighbors," Rodney said. "The wraith made it work using their technology. It was rather ingenius actually..."

"Seems like we helped the wrong side this time," John said.

"Perhaps," Teyla said. "But perhaps we made a difference too."

Ronon stood with his arms folded looking angry.

"Come Ronon," Teyla said patting his shoulder. "Let us go and train."

Ronon turned and left without a word. Teyla smiled slightly and followed him.

"You can go too if you like," Rodney said.

"No thanks," John said sitting in a chair by his bed. "I don't want to end up here next to you. Got any games on that thing?"

"Jeopardy..."

"OK. Pull it up. I'm kinda in the mood to get my ass kicked anyway."

oOo

A little more somber than usual. Hope that the ending was a surprise.  
Love some reviews (as always)

debbie


	57. Wiped Out

**Disclaimer:** the usual yada yada

This was inspired in part by x Varda x's "Puddle Jumper Mayhem" in which they mention "why don't Puddle Jumper's have wipers ?"  
(It's the giant cockroach chapter - if you've read the story you'll know the chapter if you haven't read the story then shame on you you need to rectify that immediately!! - or at least after reading & reviewing this one ;D)

Seriously though I have come up with one reason why there are no wipers (and we all know who's gonna be on the receiving end don't we ;D)...

**Wiped Out.**

"What do you think ?" Radek said excitedly.

"It looks ridiculous," Rodney replied. He stood staring at the Jumper with his arms crossed and his head tilted to the right. "And it'll never work."

"We have checked the calculations..."

"It will never survive the stresses of going through the atmosphere at speed."

"We used heavyweight titanium alloy. It should..."

"And the brackets ?"

"Oh cool !" John said as he walked into the Jumper bay with Carson. "Windshield wipers on a Jumper. Let's test it out."

"That sounds great," Carson said. "I don't get out much. Sounds better than the trip to the mainland that we were going on."

Rodney covered his face with his hand as John continued.

"There's that planet we've been meaning to check out where it always seems to be raining...Come on Rodney..."

"M37692."

"Yeah. Whatever. Let's try it," John said walking towards the open Jumper door. "I love to try out new stuff."

Rodney sighed and followed John and Carson as Radek grinned from ear to ear. "How come I have to go ?"

"Just in case it doesn't work," John said grinning as he sat in the pilot's chair. Carson sat directly behind him. "And in case it does," he added.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Rodney said as he sat in the co-pilots chair.

"Oh we'll go there, fly around a bit and test out the wipers," John said smiling. "What can go wrong ?"

Rodney just looked at him.

"Wonder if it's got variable speed...?" John continued ignoring him.

oOo

Rodney was surprised when the wipers survived through the wormhole. And they actually worked too. He had to admit that it made things easier. Not that he'd ever admit that to Radek of course.

John was enjoying himself. Carson also seemed to be happy. Only Rodney looked concerned.

The planet seemed to be fairly tropical which was not surprising considering all of the rainfall. As they looked around they could see animals moving through the trees.

"Hey look Rodney," John said pointing ahead of them. A reptilian type creature was flying lazily in a circle.

"That's impressive," Carson said leaning forward.

Rodney doublechecked the cloak and then looked forward. "Looks like we need to get some paleontologists here," he said. "They'll have a blast."

"But not your scene ?" John asked.

Rodney shrugged. "I prefer mechanical stuff. It's usually a little more...predictable." He flinched as John flew closer. "Can we give it some space ?"

John laughed and banked to his left. "OK Rodney if it makes you feel better. Let's check out that clearing. We might be able to land."

"Land ?" Rodney said looking at him incredulously. "Why land ?"

"I always like to land," John said as he gently descended. "Stop and smell the air. It's a pilot thing," he said grinning.

"Uh huh," Rodney said clearly unconvinced. "Well Hans Solo don't land us in the mud."

"Seems a wee bit drier over there."

"It's still raining."

"Yeah. Ain't it cool ?" John said as he landed and powered down the engine.

Rodney rolled his eyes.

"Now Rodney you're just upset because you didn't think of it."

"Oh please. I have far more important things to worry about than windshield wipers," Rodney said facing John with his arms crossed. "And it's hardly a new invention."

"Makes ya wonder why no one did it before," Carson said.

Before Rodney could answer there was a crunching sound as something extremely heavy landed on the roof.

"What the hell ?" Rodney said turning and pulling up the HUD as the cloak disengaged.

"Give me some shields Rodney," John said.

"Can't."

"Why not ?"

Rodney looked up through the windshield trying to see through the rain. He hated to say so but the wipers helped. "Well," he said. "If I had to put it in a report I'd say because a huge part dinosaur part dragon thing has just sat on the transmitter array."

"Cloak ?"

"Nope. Radio's out too. Not that we can call anywhere without dialling the gate anyway."

Both John and Rodney leaned forward to try and get a better look.

"Well it seems fairly friendly," John said.

"And very heavy. We can't take off and if it stays there too long we might start to sink."

"Uh oh," Carson said.

The "dragon" was looking down at them from it's perch on the roof. It appeared curious and pressed it's nose against the Jumper. Before John could stop them the newly installed wipers hit the creature in it's face, catching it in the nose and right eye.

It squealed loudly in surprise and pain. Rearing up away from the window it suddenly reached down and snapped the right hand wiper off at it's base. Seemingly angry at being attacked it took the wiper and thrust it through the windshield, shattering it.

Rodney had been standing and leaning forward to try to see what was happening. The long wiper blade caught him in the chest, on the left side, forcing him back into his seat. He cried out in pain and coughed, spitting up blood.

"Oh my God," Carson said from behind him getting up out of his seat.

John was horrified. Suddenly this trip didn't seem like so much fun anymore.

Carson had grabbed the medical kit from the back of the Jumper and was by Rodney's side checking the wound.

"It's way to the left," he said. "But the beastie rammed it straight through. You're stuck to the seat."

"Great..." Rodney said gasping for breath.

"We need to get out of here," Carson said looking at John.

"I can't with that thing on top of us. I'm having to run the thrusters just to stop us from sinking."

Carson had got a stethoscope out and was checking Rodney's breathing. He had a frown on his face. Broken glass was crunching under his feet as he moved.

"Hurts..." Rodney said.

"Aye I know but I canna give ya anythin'. I don't want to suppress your breathing." He looked up. "Can ya not persuade that thing to move ?"

"It's too close to fire a drone, even to distract it. And I'm afraid that if I put a shock through the hull it'll get upset again and just stomp us into the dirt." The remaining wiper moved crookedly across the broken windshield and John turned it off. "And with no shields..."

"When I get hold of Radek..." Rodney said. "It's getting...hard to ...breathe..."

Carson checked him again with the stethoscope. "That's what I was afraid of," he said rummaging through the medical kit. "I need to put more stuff in these," he muttered. After a few moments he stood up. He had a sterile dressing, a short piece of tubing and a scalpel. He handed the dressing and tubing to John. "Get that ready," he said putting on a fresh pair of gloves.

Rodney was struggling to breathe and he looked wide-eyed at the scalpel.

"Hold on Rodney," Carson said. "This is gonna hurt but you'll die if I don't do this..."

Rodney nodded and closed his eyes tight.

Carson wiped the area quickly with an alcohol wipe and then jabbed the scalpel deep into Rodney's chest midway between his ribs on the left side.

Rodney flinched as Carson removed the blade and took the tubing from John. He inserted the tubing into the cut that he'd just made and secured it with the dressing as blood spilled onto the floor.

Rodney relaxed as it got easier to breathe. He opened his eyes. "Thanks," he said quietly.

"You had a hemothorax," Carson explained. "Blood collecting in your chest was compressing your lungs and heart. I had to release the pressure."

John was pale as he realized just how close Rodney had come to dying. If Carson hadn't been there...

"I have to get him to the Infirmary," Carson said. "He's losing too much blood."

Rodney reached across and touched John on his arm. "Heat the...hull..." he said.

John's eyes widened as he understood. "Of course," he said.

"What are ya doin' ?" Carson asked.

"I'm going to raise the temperature on the outside hull," John said. "Hopefully if it gets uncomfortable he'll find someplace else to sit."

"Rather be wet than hot huh ?"

"Hopefully," John said adjusting the settings.

As the outside of the craft started to warm up the creature started to move and the Jumper tilted alarmingly to John's left. Even with the inertial dampeners Carson found himself putting a hand out to steady himself. "I'll never get used to that," he said.

"Come on," John said looking up anxiously. "Move..."

After about five eternally long minutes the creature flapped it's enormous wings and lifted effortlessly into the air. It landed several yards away on the damp grass looking bewildered.

As soon as it was clear John lifted off. The wind and the rain driving in through the broken windshield stung them and left them cold. Carson had put a blanket over Rodney but he was still shivering. More from blood loss than the temperature though.

John glanced across at Rodney and Carson as he dialled the gate and descended towards it. Rodney was barely conscious and Carson looked grim.

"_So much for the fun trip," _he thought as he entered the wormhole.

oOo

John came to visit Rodney the next day. He looked pale and tired but seem to be otherwise OK. He was still on a lot of morphine mind you.

"Five minutes," Carson said. "He's gotta rest."

John nodded and stood by the bed. Rodney managed a small smile as he opened his eyes and saw him.

"Hey," John said. "Heard they had to give you two quarts of blood. That's your quota you know."

"Then I guess I'll just have to start on Radek's," he said sleepily.

"Maybe you'd better not. He might need it when you catch up with him. He feels really bad about this."

"Not as bad as he will if he ever modifies...a Jumper again without my express ...permission."

"Anyone ever tell you you're a control freak ?"

"That's...because when it all blows up I'm usually the one who's got...to fix it," Rodney said yawning.

"Or on the receiving end of it."

"Precisely..." Rodney said drifting back off to sleep.

"Morphine's kicking in," Carson said. "Better leave him to rest. Ya won't get any sense out of him now anyhow."

John nodded and turned to leave. "I'll come back later," he said.

"Why is it," Carson said. "That even a day trip can turn into somethin' awful ?"

"Doesn't always," John said. "We've just got to take the good times when we can get them."

"Aye I guess you're right. It's just that I usually just see the end result."

John grinned. "I guess you just need to get out more."

oOo

As always Love some reviews ;D

Up next: "Buttons Returns" (the final chapter of the monkey saga ?)  
debbie


	58. Buttons Returns

Disclaimer:whatever

OK. This is the fifth (& final ??) installment of a saga between me and Tenshi of light21. (John's Really Bad Days)

1st chapter:Rodney's Really Bad Days (RRBD) chapter #45 "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"  
2nd chapter John's Really Bad Days (JRBD) chapter #14 "Rodney's Revenge"  
3rd chapter (RRBD) chapter # 51 "Buttons"  
4th chapter (JRBD) chapter #19 "Monkey Madness"  
5th chapter (RRBD) chapter #58 "Buttons Returns"

OK. So this story in particular will make more sense if you go back and at least read Buttons and Monkey Madness (but preferably read it all). I'll wait...Alright ? Well here we go...

We start with the end of Tenshi Of Light21's John's Really Bad Days, chapter 19 "Monkey Madness" which is written from John's POV...

**Buttons Returns.**

Focusing on the gate room, it hit me how much brighter Atlantis' lights were, compared to the forest. I saw Elizabeth staring at me with worry, and two marines seemingly guarding Yvonne. She was staring at us in an open, honest mixture of emotions, although the most predominant one was laughter, when her gaze turned to Rodney.

_Oh, yeah. I forgot about her._ I thought vaguely as I felt Carson poking around at my ear. "Ouch ! Hey, Doc ? Do you mind?"

"Sorry lad, but it looks like you got bitten pretty bad. You're gonna need stitches." He sighed as he felt around at my head. "Where else are you hurt ?"

oOo

"Monkey feces ?" Elizabeth muttered with a look. "Wow, wonder how I'm gonna explain that in the report."

"You and me both," I stated with a loud sigh, following Beckett out of the room to the Infirmary. As I walked along the hall I rubbed my hand through the back of my hair. I could feel something wet and I was hoping that it wasn''t blood...It wasn't.

"Oh crap !" I said looking at my hand.

oOo

_And now we begin..._

Yvonne sat quietly in her quarters idly playing with a small toy that she'd made for Buttons. Her eyes were red from crying and she felt that she just couldn't cry any more. "_Damn them !"_ she thought throwing the small feathered ball across the room.

She had realized, of course, when McKay had told her that she'd have to return her pet, that she'd miss her. She just hadn't known how much. She smiled to herself as she recalled the scene in the gateroom two days earlier. Sheppard, bleeding from a bite to his left ear, McKay covered in monkey crap... Of course she could have warned them...

When she'd first gone to the planet and they'd found the monkeys they found out something rather interesting. Although the females were predominately friendly unless provoked the males on the other hand attacked any male that came close with little or no warning whatsoever. Buttons, being female, had been friendly all along. At least until McKay did something. The males, who were all streaked with brown, were friendly enough to her and the female marine but reacted with great animosity towards the men on the team.

She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped her nose. A plan was forming in her mind. Both to bring Buttons home and to repay Doctor Rodney McKay...

oOo

Rodney sat opposite John in the mess hall. John had a large white bandage covering his ear not to mention several bruises to his shoulders and back and a headache that just wouldn't quit. _"It wouldn't be quite so bad," _he thought. _"If the date hadn't been such a washout_."

Rodney kept scratching at his left arm where he'd managed to get hit with something a little more...solid. John smiled to himself at the thought.

"What's so funny ?" Rodney asked taking a sip of coffee. "Oh you're not still thinking of the other day are you ? I can still smell that stuff."

John had actually noticed that the aroma was still lingering despite all of their bathing. More perfumed perhaps but it was still there. At least it ensured that they had a table to themselves.

"Yeah I've noticed that too," John said. "Still it_ is _fading."

"Uh huh," Rodney said looking around. "Or maybe we're just getting used to it."

"How's Yvonne ?"

Rodney shrugged. "I haven't seen her since the other day. But then I haven't been looking for her either. Or anyone else for that matter," he added with a sniff.

"Do you think I should...er...?"

"You must be joking. Leave me out of it."

"Yeah you're right." John looked up and grinned. "Well shall we go to the team meeting in the conference room ?"

Rodney smiled broadly. "I'm gonna sit right next to Ronon," he said standing up.

Yvonne was watching them from across the mess hall. She was in the corner out of their line of sight. _"Soon_," she thought. "_Soon."_

oOo

The next day Yvonne was packing a bag to go offworld. It was a simple mission. Go to the planet, take some soil and water samples and some photographs and then come home. She had traded places with Carol who was originally scheduled to accompany the team of biologists as the junior technician.

She slipped a folded bag inside the sample case along with a stunner that she had stolen from supplies and a small bag of apples. She smiled lifting the bag onto her shoulder. "Hold on, Buttons," she said quietly as she left her quarters. "Momma's coming to bring you home."

oOo

Now John hated trade missions at the best of times but this was getting really old.

Comza, the leader, smiled briefly at them across the table and then turned to his companion and laughed, no doubt at their expense.

John and Rodney were sitting at a small table separate from everyone else. John gave a half smile back and raised his cup. "We've got to do something," he whispered to Rodney.

"Well it's been three days you'd think that it would have faded... somewhat."

"How did Ronon manage to dodge it ?" John asked.

"He got it in the back but only on his clothes," Rodney said picking at his food. Even the servants weren't lingering near them. "We were the only ones who got er crapped."

"I guess there's a reason that the thing looked like a skunk."

Rodney stopped and looked at him. "Maybe we should try tomato juice," he said. "Soap sure isn't working."

John looked back at him. "I wonder how much they have in the kitchen. Do you think they'd let us take it ?"

Rodney laughed. "Well we can just stand there for a while. They'll probably give us whatever we want. Wonder if V8 would work ?"

oOo

Meanwhile, on a different planet, Yvonne was walking behind the other scientists hoping that Wilson would stop soon. She didn't want to get too far from the gate.

Wilson finally stopped and turned. "OK," he said. "You each have your lists. Everyone stays within sight of their marine. We'll meet back here in one hour."

Yvonne hurried back towards the gate. The marine assigned to her, private first class Marshall, walked along behind her watching the trees. When they got close to the gate Yvonne turned towards the trees and he started to follow.

Yvonne stopped and turned to face him, smiling. "I need to go on alone," she said sweetly.

"Can't leave you by yourself ma'am," he said.

Yvonne walked up to him. "Look," she said. "I know that I should have gone before we left... I just need to go behind the trees for a minute..."

"Oh," Marshall said. "I see." He turned his back.

"Thank you," Yvonne said. "I'll be right back."

She walked rapidly behind the nearest tree and, checking to make sure that no one else had come her way, she pulled the stunner out of her bag...

Leaving the marine where he lay she ran to the gate and dialled the address for P4X-379. "I'm coming," she said as she stepped through the wormhole.

It didn't take her long to find the monkey colony. With no men around they stayed calm as she walked up to them. Buttons came jumping up and climbed into her arms. Smiling, Yvonne gave the monkey a warm hug and reached into her pocket for an apple. Moments later she placed the sleeping animal into her bag. "Mommie's sorry," she said softly. "But I have to get you home without anyone knowing. Now," she said getting another apple out. "Let's get one of your male friends."

oOo

Back at the planet she crouched down next to the marine and poked him on the shoulder. He awoke with a start and sat up.

"What happened ?" he said getting quickly to his feet. "Are you all right ?"

"I'm fine, silly," Yvonne said. "You just fell asleep is all. I won't tell anyone," she added.

The marine looked confused. "I...er...don't remember..."

"Don't worry about it," Yvonne said. "Come on. We need to meet back with the others." She was carrying a large black bag very carefully.

Private Marshall wasn't totally convinced but there didn't seem to be anyone else around and he did feel tired. "Er.." he said. "My C.O..."

"Will never hear anything from me," Yvonne said swaying her hips as she walked ahead of him.

oOo

"I can't tell," Rodney said as they stood in the hallway. "Can you ?"

"I smell a lot of tomato," John said. "But I think I can still smell the poop too."

"Crap !"

"Maybe lemon will take it off."

Rodney gave him a filthy look. "Shooting me would be quicker," he snapped. "And less painful."

"Oh. Sorry. Well maybe I could try it."

"Oh no no no no no no. You don't get to try anything that I can't. If I smell of crap so do you. You so owe me for this."

John sighed running his hand through his hair. "Well maybe Carson can suggest something," he said as they walked towards the Infirmary.

oOo

"I'm not smellin' ya !" Carson announced loudly. "I'm a Doctor not a bloodhound."

"Very funny," Rodney said. "Now can you come up with something to get rid of it ? Besides lemons !"

Carson scratched his head. "Well it's a defense mechanism not part of the er excrement per se. It's only secreted by the males as a kind of weapon. A very effective one I may add," he said wrinkling his nose.

"OK," John said. "So where does that leave us ?"

"Well short of waiting for it to wear off, which may take a while, ya could try a solvent."

"The only ones that I have," Rodney said. "Would probably take your skin off."

"No, no," Carson said. "You need a biological solvent. Somethin' that will break down enzymes. I might have something here, let me check..." Carson walked back to his storage area and came back with two one gallon jugs filled with a clear liquid. "Douse yourselves and let it soak for a few minutes and then wash it off," he said. "And if this doesn't work...well it had better work."

Rodney opened the jug and sniffed the contents. "I'm not sure that this smells much better," he said.

"I don't care at this point," John said.

Carson just shook his head and walked away.

oOo

Yvonne checked the duty roster. "_Perfect_," she thought as she noted that Colonel Sheppard's team would be offworld for the next two days. No one but Doctor McKay ever entered his small lab at the back of the physics department. "Here Bobo," she said laughing at the name she'd given him. The brown monkey hopped obediently up onto her shoulders as she sat at her computer. He was bigger than Buttons and had large fangs which the females didn't have but as long as no men were around he was perfectly passive. Yvonne scratched his ear and he nuzzled up to her. "I have a little job for you my sweetie," she said giving him a small apple.

oOo

"Finally," Rodney said tapping on his padd as they walked back to the gate on P37269. "Some potentially useful data..."

"And we can stand downwind from you," Ronon said as Rodney dialled Atlantis from the DHD.

"Hey I couldn't stand being next to me," John said. "I'm sure glad that that stuff Carson had worked."

"And no monkeys on this world," Rodney said. "I swear if I catch anyone with as much as a pet rock..." he punched the middle button and they stood watching as the wormhole formed. "They will never get out of the storage room again." He walked through the event horizon as the others smirked.

Elizabeth met them as they came through. "Everything went well ?" she asked smiling.

"They are very willing to trade," Teyla said smiling.

"And I downloaded some really neat data," Rodney said smiling. "I need to get to my lab..."

As Teyla and Ronon headed to the mess hall Rodney and John passed their P90s to a marine and they headed towards Rodney's lab.

"Just let me connect this so that I can get the analysis program running," Rodney said. "And then we can check on what movies the Daedalus has brought back."

"Yeah before they're all picked over," John said as Rodney opened the lab door.

The first thing that hit them was the smell eminating from inside the lab. "Oh no," Rodney said as he recognized it. "Not again..."

Suddenly Bobo leapt out at him with a loud screech. Having been confined alone for two days he was particularly irritable and was going to take it out on the first person that he saw. Which, unfortunately, was Rodney.

The monkey hit Rodney full in the chest and the weight of the spitting animal, combined with the surprise of the attack, knocked him backwards and he fell to the floor, his data padd skidding away from him and underneath the table.

Bobo sunk his teeth deep into Rodney's left shoulder and his fangs caught his throat. Blood started to spurt from the wound and Rodney gagged as it welled up in his mouth.

John reacted quickly. Reaching forward, he grabbed the animal by the scruff of it's neck and pulled it off Rodney.

Bobo hissed and spat and struggled and with a sharp twist he broke free and bit down hard on John's forearm. John cried out in pain as the animal used all of it's strength. It seemed almost like it's teeth would meet in the middle. John pulled out his gun and hit Bobo on the side of his head. It barely fazed him but he did let go. John shot him as the animal came at him again and Bobo fell lifeless to the floor.

John slipped his gun back into it's holster and tapped his radio. "Carson," he said. "I have an emergency in Rodney's lab. I need help and lots of it."

John's left arm hung uselessly by his side pouring blood onto the floor but he was more concerned about Rodney who was bleeding profusely from the wound in his neck. John knelt next to him and used his right hand to try to stop some of the bleeding.

Rodney was gasping for air and choking on blood, coughing and spluttering as he struggled to breathe. Blood had soaked the front of his shirt and was pooling by his head. He was clearly frightened and his eyes were starting to close...

"Stay with me, Rodney," John said. "Carson's coming...Come on..."

Carson burst into the room with his team following behind him. He took in the situation immediately.

"You," Carson said pointing at one of the medics. "Get some pressure on that wound. Stand back Colonel, I'm gonna start an IV." He tapped his radio. "Bring a gurney and prep the OR. Stat ! Someone get his arm wrapped. And bag that monkey for testing..."

Moments later Carson had Rodney on a gurney and was heading for the Infirmary. John found himself being helped along behind them.

oOo

It was several hours later before Carson came back to John's bedside. John's arm had been stitched and bandaged and he had an IV in his other hand attached to a bag with a strong antibiotic. He also had a morphine pump. His arm was throbbing like crazy but he'd been trying not to use the pain pump until he'd found out about Rodney.

Carson checked the pump. "You should be using that you know," he said.

John nodded. "I will," he said. "I just wanted to wait and see how Rodney was."

"He was extremely lucky that medical help was so close," Carson said. "The monkey bit deep into his shoulder but it also caught his jugular and lacerated it. He could've bled out in minutes. Luckily it missed his throat. And at least the bite isn't toxic but I'm gonna give ya both a full course of antibiotics as a precaution. Where did that damn thing come from anyhow ?"

"I don't know," John said relaxing back into his pillows and pressing the pain pump. "But I aim to find out."

oOo

The next day, having been released from the Infirmary (and being told to rest) John waited with Elizabeth in her office.

"It still hurts like hell," John was saying. "Even with the pain pills. Carson said that it bit right down to the bone. I was lucky that it didn't break my arm. I'm gonna be on restricted duty for at least another two weeks."

"And Rodney ?" Elizabeth asked as she sat at her desk.

"The animal missed his throat so there's no damage to his larynx or anything. He'll probably be in the Infirmary until at least the end of the week. I'm gonna go and see him when we're done here."

Elizabeth nodded. This was not going to be pleasant but it was necessary.

They watched through the glass as two marines escorted Yvonne up from the brig. She was not handcuffed but she had her hands clasped in front of her as she walked. John looked at her intently as she sat in the chair opposite them. He had moved so that he was standing behind Elizabeth, the white of the bandage on his arm a stark contrast to the black that he wore.

Yvonne had clearly been crying. Her eyes were wet and her face was streaked with tears. Her dark hair hung limply around her face. After what she'd done, however, John found that he had little sympathy for her.

Elizabeth looked at her sternly. "Do you have an explanation for your actions ?" she said.

Yvonne sniffed. "I didn't intend for anyone to get...hurt," she said haltingly.

"You left a vicious animal locked in Doctor McKay's lab," Elizabeth said. "What did you expect to happen ?"

"Bobo wasn't mean," Yvonne said. "The males just don't like men is all. I figured that if I left him in there he'd ...er... deposit in there, you know."

Elizabeth and John looked at each other. John winced at the thought.

"Didn't you think that he'd react violently when Doctor McKay returned ?" Elizabeth asked.

"He wasn't supposed to still be in there. You were scheduled to be offworld for two days," she said looking at John. "I went to get him back after a day..."

"What happened ?" John asked.

"When I got to the lab I could hear him inside. He was snarling and when I tapped on the door he threw himself at it. I guess the er man scent in there set him off. I was scared to open the door," she added.

"So you left him in there," Elizabeth said. "Knowing this and you didn't think to tell anyone ?"

"I was going to go back again and see if he'd settled down," Yvonne said with her head down. "But they returned early. I never got the chance."

"You still could've warned us," John said.

Yvonne looked up as fresh tears fell. "Where's Buttons ?" she asked.

John wasn't sure if the tears were because of him and Rodney or because of losing Buttons. He suspected the latter.

"Teyla and a couple of female marines have returned him er her back to the colony," John said.

"You will be returning on the Daedalus," Elizabeth said. "To face a hearing back at Stargate Command."

_"Not to mention a psych evaluation,"_ John thought.

Yvonne nodded and sat with her head down. John gestured to the two marines and they escorted her back towards the brig to await transfer to the ship.

Elizabeth sat back in her chair and sighed. "Say "hi" to Rodney for me," she said. "Tell him I'll be in later when I've typed up this lot."

John nodded and left heading for the Infirmary.

oOo

"They're cleaning my lab with what ?!" Rodney said loudly sitting up in the bed.

"_Yep,"_ John thought. _"Nothing wrong with your voice_."

Rodney winced and brought his hand briefly up to the bandage covering his neck. "Lemons ?!" he continued.

"Easy Rodney," John said.

"That's easy for you to say."

"Well they found that lemons worked better than the solvent. Don't worry they'll sanitize it and spray it down with bleach."

"But my equipment..."

"The monkey trashed a lot of it anyway. Just be glad you don't have to go back in there until it's clean. Trust me I caught a whiff of it."

"Hum," Rodney said wrinkling his nose at the memory. "Who's...er...?"

"Couldn't persuade the janitorial staff to go in there so I've assigned a team of marines."

"Gee they never mention that kind of duty in their recruitment ads."

John laughed. "But rank does have it's privileges."

"I thought that a commander wasn't supposed to ask his troops to do anything that he wouldn't do ?"

"Trust me, I'd rather take on a hive ship single handed than face those monkeys again," John said. "Or their er output."

"I'll make a notation in the database."

"Yeah. Ladies only..."

oOo

Well there we go. I think that that wraps up the "Buttons" saga but If Tenshi had half as much fun as I did with this we'll do this again (hint, hint ;D)

PS. I know that I had "Buttons" as a male in the first story but please I beg for some artistic license. After Tenshi took off with the monkey poop angle I just HAD to run with it...

Hope you enjoyed this & as always I'd love some reviews ;D

debbie


	59. The Outcasts

**disclaimer:** whatever

You know one of these days I'll have to write a story where McKay doesn't get hurt...yeah...right... :D (Actually come to think of it I do have two short ones)

**The Outcasts.**

"Cheer up Rodney," John said as they walked back to the gate. "They may not have had much in the way of tech stuff but at least they were friendly and we're done early."

"I'm looking forward to getting something to eat."

"Hey everything didn't look like citrus," John said.

"No," Rodney said stopping for a moment. "There was that weird looking thing with more legs than a centipede convention."

"Tasted OK to me," Ronon said walking past him. "You should have tried it."

Rodney pulled a face in disgust.

"Or there were the Jujo beans," Teyla said.

"Those little green things that looked like soy ?" Rodney said walking up to the DHD. "I'd rather hold out for real food... What the...?" he said as he started to dial the gate.

"What is it ?" John asked seriously.

Rodney hit the button again. Nothing happened. "It's not working..." He knelt in front of it and removed the panel. "Oh no no no no no no no." He looked up at John. "Someone's removed all the crystals."

"Don't you have spares ?" John asked.

"I've got a couple, yes," Rodney said standing up. "But not a complete set."

"Why not ?" Ronon asked.

Rodney looked irritated. "Well for one thing," he said. "I don't have that many to spare and for another every one of these things is slightly different. Do you have any idea how many I'd have to carry around to ensure a full set everywhere that we went ?"

"Well it's not a big deal," John said. "When we don't check in tomorrow Atlantis will dial in and we're just have them send a Jumper through."

"Guess you're gonna have to eat that caterpillar thing after all," Ronon said grinning.

Rodney was about to answer when he was hit in the back with a stun beam.

John turned rapidly as Ronon and Teyla were also hit. Before he could take cover he too was felled.

Several men walked out from among the trees led by a tall, very thin, man with blond hair that was tied loosely at his neck. "This one," he said pointing down at Rodney. "The others are warriors. They will trade for this one."

oOo

When John woke up they were on beds back at the settlement. He sat up abruptly and then relaxed as he recognized his surroundings. He glanced across at the other beds. Both Teyla and Ronon were waking up but there was no sign of Rodney. John swung around and stood up, swaying slightly, as one of the Gridanian ambassadors came through the door.

"Colonel ?" he said.

"My associate, Doctor McKay..." John said. " Is he hurt ?"

"He was not with you when you were found. We fear that he has been taken by the... outcasts."

"Who are they ?" Ronon said getting up and checking his weapon.

"You didn't mention them when we were here earlier," John said.

"They are somewhat of an embarrassment to us, I'm afraid," the ambassador said. "They are a group of undesirables who have formed a rebel alliance. They are always interfering with our trade."

"Do they do this often ?" Teyla asked.

"It is a favored tactic of theirs. To kidnap someone and demand supplies that they are not entitled to. We do not negotiate with their kind."

"And the hostages ?" John asked.

The ambassador shrugged. "They are expendable for the common good," he said.

John glanced at Ronon and Teyla. "Not in this case he's not," he said firmly. "Doctor McKay is not only a vital member of my team he's also a friend."

"And we don't leave our people behind," Ronon said.

"What will happen next ?" Teyla asked firmly.

"They will send an envoy with their demands which we usually disregard."

"So that's your idea of hostage negotiation ?" John said. "Ignore them and let the hostage die ?"

"I told you. We don't negotiate with their kind."

"Well we're going to in this case," John said. "We don't regard life so cheaply."

"Then you will be at a disadvantage and they will know this," the ambassador said. "That is why this group targets offworlders."

"Does this happen ...often ?" Teyla asked.

"They are a persistent nuisance," the ambassador said. "One that we are planning to eliminate."

oOo

Rodney woke up slowly. He was lying on a dirt floor in a thatched hut. Very different from the elaborate buildings of the main Gridanian settlement. He sat up and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to ease the tension headache that was starting to form.

A blonde haired youth was sitting cross legged on the floor opposite him. He looked undernourished and his tunic hung loosely on his thin frame. He couldn't have been more than fifteen years of age. "Hello," he said. "My name is Dion. Are you feeling better ?"

"Considering that you stunned me," Rodney said getting up. Dion stood up easily as he did so.

"Sorry about that," Dion said smiling. "Come. You must meet Lukan."

He took Rodney out of the hut and across a small compound to a larger adobe building. Rodney didn't resist. He wasn't hurt and he was curious about this place. Add to that that there seemed to be about a hundred men milling around and he figured that he wouldn't get far anyway.

Dion stood by the door as Rodney went in. Inside was one large room. Opposite the door was a large, hand carved, chair. A tall, thin, man with long blonde hair and a short beard sat facing him. Two guards stood either side. Rodney noticed that they were all armed with stunners.

"My name is Lukan," the man said standing up. "Welcome to our home."

Rodney stood with his arms crossed. "_Doctor_ Rodney McKay," he said. "And I don't think much of your invitation protocol. Where are the rest of my team ?"

"Your companions are, I imagine, back with the Gridanian ambassador as we left them where they lay. I am sorry but we did not anticipate your cooperation. You are a Doctor ?"

"Not of medicine. I'm a physicist. My cooperation with what ? You've kidnapped me and brought me God only knows where..."

"You are free to leave at any time."

"Really ?"

"But I would like you to stay."

"Ah."

"At least long enough to hear what I have to tell you. The Gridanians are not as benevolent as they appear."

"And yet you're the ones who stole the crystals and attacked us."

"I know nothing of any crystals. Dion perhaps..."

"Then you didn't take the control crystals from the DHD ?"

Lukan shook his head. "We are more concerned with obtaining food."

"But the Gridanians have an abundance, if you're OK with citrus," he added.

"They will not trade with us."

"Why not ?"

"We are outcasts. Fair of hair and skin."

"Excuse me ?"

"When a fair haired child is born he is given until his fifth cycle. If his hair and skin remain fair then he is cast out and left to die."

Rodney thought for a moment. He hadn't really noticed but now that Lukan mentioned it all of the Gridanians did have dark hair and eyes. No wonder they'd pretty much ignored him. "That's crazy," he said.

"It is the way of things. Fewer are being born but still..."

"And the parents ?"

"Regard the child as a freak. We watch for the children when they are abandoned but we have limited resources. The land outside of the settlement is not arable. There is no pasture for livestock. Our people starve..."

"So you take people...?"

"To trade for food."

"So where did you get the stunners ?"

"An abandoned building a short walk from our village."

Rodney's eyes lit up. "Really ? Where ? I'd love to see it..."

"We have not found much of use."

"There may be something that our people would trade for."

Lukan nodded and they walked out of the building and away from the village. Rodney noticed that all of the people seemed gaunt and they watched him intently. Women and children peered out from the doorways. He felt like dinner. Which in a way he was.

Just beyond the huts there was an ancient building that was completely overgrown with vines. You had to know it was there to see it. The door was wedged open with rocks and it was dark inside. There appeared to be no power.

As Lukan entered, however, the lights came on in the abandoned lab. "You have the ancient gene," Rodney said.

"I do not know of what you speak. The light has always appeared for our people. We found the guns that do not kill in here."

Rodney took his hand held padd and walked over to the main machine in the center of the room. "Powers depleted, won't get much more than the lights," he said. "The machine's been gutted but there may be something..." He knelt down in front of the machine and pulled the panel off. "Aha !" he said suddenly. "Control crystals. I can get the gate working."

"The circle of heavens ?"

"Hum. Yes," Rodney said pulling the crystals from the machine. "We will trade for these," he said. "Let me call my friends." Rodney tapped his radio as they left the RF shielded facility. "Sheppard ?"

"Rodney ?" John answered quietly turning away from the ambassador. "Are you all right ? Where are you ?"

"I'm fine. Look the Gridanians are not all that they appear to be."

"Yeah I'm getting that impression."

"I've got some control crystals. I'll meet you at the gate." Rodney turned to Lukan with a large smile on his face. "Right," he said. "Take me to the stargate er circle of heavens."

oOo

John, Ronon and Teyla waited anxiously at the gate. The Gridanian ambassador, who insisted on accompaning them, stood impassively to one side, his arms tucked into the sleeves of his heavy robes.

"There," Ronon said pointing.

John and Teyla turned to look. Rodney was walking happily towards them, flanked by Lukan and Dion. He had a large bag of crystals tucked under his arm.

Suddenly shots rang out from behind them. Ronon and John turned as first Rodney and then Dion fell. Ronon fired his weapon in one swift movement stunning the ambassador who had pulled a handgun out of his sleeve.

"Tie him up," John said as he ran towards Rodney who lay unmoving in the long grass.

Lukan watched him with suspicion. "Treachery," he said.

"Not on our part," John said kneeling next to Rodney. As he turned Rodney over he noticed that Dion was dead, a bullet hole in the middle of his forehead.

Blood flowed freely down the right side of Rodney's face. He stirred slightly and groaned as John bandaged the wound.

John looked grim. It wasn't the head wound that worried him. It was bleeding but it was just a flesh wound. Rodney had also been hit in the chest. His tac vest was open and blood was soaking the left side of his shirt. John applied another bandage as Rodney opened his eyes slightly and started to cough. John helped him turn onto his side as Rodney winced in pain and coughed up blood.

"Oh my God," Rodney gasped, his arm across his chest. "What happened ?"

"The ambassador decided to enforce his non negotiation policy," John said. "We need to get you back to Atlantis."

"I have the...crystals," Rodney said weakly. "I promised Lukan...food."

John nodded. "I need you to tell me where to slot them," John said grabbing the bag. He looked inside, there were about thirty crystals in there.

"It's not that easy... I need to... see it," Rodney said. "Each of these is... slightly different."

"OK," John said helping him to sit up. Between him and Ronon they helped Rodney over to the DHD. It was only about fifty meters but Rodney was gasping in pain and struggling for breath by the time that they eased him down in front of the DHD. As John removed the panel from the machine Teyla turned to Lukan who was kneeling by Dion's body.

"Tell me about your people," she said.

oOo

Rodney leaned back against a tree sorting through the crystals from the bag. It was slow going as he kept stopping to catch his breath and he was nursing a pounding headache.

"OK," he said rubbing his forehead trying not to disturb John's rough bandage. "I think that I have a full set here." He had about twenty crystals piled in front of him.

"OK Rodney," John said reaching for the first crystal. "Guide me through this..."

As they worked Ronon stood glaring at the ambassador who was sitting by another tree with his hands firmly bound behind his back. "I really don't understand your animosity," the ambassador said calmly. "As I said these people must understand that we will not tolerate this behavior."

Teyla walked over as Lukan took Dion's body back to their village. "And yet you are quite content to let them starve while you have plenty to spare," she said seriously.

"They are an inferior breed," the ambassador said with a shrug. "They should not live."

"They have the... ancient gene," Rodney said handing John another crystal. "I saw it..."

"Not so inferior then," John said slotting the crystal in place. "Rodney ...?"

"Sorry..." Rodney said holding his head. "I feel...dizzy."

"Just a few more to go Rodney," John said. "Hang in there."

As Rodney started to hand John another crystal he groaned and slumped to the side, unconscious. John was barely quick enough to cushion his fall as the crystal dropped from his hand back into the remaining pile.

"Rodney !...Crap !" John said as he looked at the pile of half a dozen crystals that Rodney had pulled from the bag. "He's passed out," John said looking worried. "We've got to get him to Carson."

"Can you finish it ?" Teyla asked.

John shook his head. "All of these things look the same to me. And it's hours yet before Atlantis will check with us." He crouched next to Rodney. "There are only four slots left," he said looking at the crystals. "Maybe I can just keep trying combinations."

"I could help you with that," the ambassador said.

John glared across at the man. "And why exactly should I trust you ?" he asked.

"You want to leave. It seems fairly certain that you will no longer trade with us over the infidels. I see no reason to make you stay."

John looked up at Ronon and nodded. Ronon removed a knife from his hair and reaching down he sliced the ropes holding the ambassador's hands.

"No tricks," John warned as the man stepped over and picked up the crystals. "How do you know how to do this ?"

The ambassador glanced warily at Ronon. "The outcasts take them and then leave them by the device," the ambassador said. "An offworlder showed me how to replace them."

John didn't look convinced as the ambassador selected four crystals and slotted them in place but when he tried the button on the DHD it worked.

As the ambassador turned to leave Ronon took his gun and used it to stun him. Teyla raised an eyebrow at him. "Just because," Ronon said.

The last chevron lit up and the wormhole formed. John sent his IDC and then picked up the bag with the spare crystals. He tapped his radio. "Atlantis," he said. "We're going to need a medical team with a gurney to meet us in the gateroom."

Ronon picked Rodney up and John quickly pulled the crystals back out of the DHD and dropped them back into the bag. "Not that I don't trust him or anything," he said.

oOo

They met with Elizabeth in her office while Carson took Rodney into the operating room. He was muttering something about keeping the scientists "out of the bloody line of fire" as he left and John felt a pang of guilt even though he knew that he was not at fault.

Teyla was trying to explain the situation between the two factions on the planet.

"So everybody who doesn't look like them is basically thrown out to die ?" Elizabeth said.

Teyla nodded. "This started when their last Premier Minister took power several years ago," she said. "He managed to convince the people that anyone who was fair was associated with the wraith."

"That's crazy," Ronon said.

"Yes but fear does strange things," Elizabeth mentioned.

"The outcasts formed a small village," Teyla continued. "But the land outside of the main settlement is very poor and will not support any crops. So they survive by taking hostages which they swap for food. They try to get help directly from traders."

"Or they kill them."

"No. That's a lie spread about by the Gridanians. Lukan said that the only ones doing any killing has been the ambassadors."

"So the ambassador kills the hostage during the "negotiation" along with any witnesses and then spreads the word back at the settlement about the bloodthirsty outcasts," John said slouching back in a chair. "Cute."

"We need to help these people," Teyla said.

"I agree," Elizabeth said. "Take a Jumper and go back to the planet. Perhaps we can relocate them. If nothing else we can give them supplies."

"I'll get some together," Teyla said. Ronon left with her to help.

"What is it John ?" Elizabeth asked.

"I don't know," John said slowly getting to his feet. "I just have a bad feeling about that ambassador. He was just a little too helpful."

oOo

They loaded the Jumper with general food supplies and John, Ronon and Teyla waited in the Jumper bay to launch. "Why is it taking so long ?" John asked over the radio.

"I don't know Colonel Sheppard," Chuck said. "I am unable to get a lock and form a wormhole. It's almost as if the gate has been destroyed."

John glanced across at Teyla who was sitting in the co pilot's seat. "Oh crap !" he said opening the door and running out. Teyla and Ronon looked at each other and then followed him.

They caught up with him back in Elizabeth's office. "I checked all of our packs," he was saying. "Every bit of C4 is missing. They must have taken it while we were stunned."

"Could they have destroyed the gate ?" Elizabeth asked.

"I doubt it," John said rubbing his hand through his hair. "But they might have been able to damage enough of the base to knock it over and bury it."

"Well the Daedalus has only just left earth," Elizabeth said. "It will be at least two weeks before they can reach them. All that we can do is wait."

"Can we take a Jumper to another gate ?" Teyla asked. "I am concerned for Lukan and his people."

"I am too," Elizabeth said. "I'll have Rodn...Radek check but I doubt that there's one near enough for us to get there any sooner."

John nodded. "I'll be in the Infirmary if you need me," he said somberly.

oOo

John stood silently at the side of Rodney's bed watching him sleep. "_So close_," he thought. "_So close_."

The dark field dressing had been replaced with a clean white bandage that covered part of Rodney's right eye. John could also see where the bandage showed at the collar of his shirt. An oxygen mask covered his face and an IV dripped into his right hand. The monitor beeped steadily as he watched. He was about to leave when Carson walked up.

"He was bloody lucky," he said, his hands jammed into his labcoat pockets. "The bullet didn't nae hit anything vital. He'll be fine. Ya won't get anything out of him for a couple of days though. I've got him on a fair amount of morphine."

John smiled. "Yeah and from past experiences of McKay plus morphine..."

"Equals completely loopy. Aye. But it's better than putting up with his whining."

"I'm just glad that he's still here to whine."

oOo

_Two weeks later..._

John read the memo sent to his computer in silence.

To: Doctor Elizabeth Weir.  
xc: Colonel Sheppard, J. USAF.  
re: X31-79J

As requested we did a close sensor sweep of the planet surface. The stargate has been toppled and is partially buried in rubble. The DHD has been destroyed and there is evidence of several fires across the landscape at some distance from the gate.  
There are no life signs present outside of the Gridanian settlement.

Colonel Caldwell,S. USAF.  
Commander USS Daedalus.

John sat for a moment, his face grim. Sending the memo to file he closed his laptop and tapped his radio. "Hey Rodney," he said. "Want a beer ?"

oOo

Interesting ??  
Let me know (love reviews)  
Coming soon..."Payback"

debbie :D


	60. Payback

**Disclaimer:** yeah yeah

This is something just a little bit different...enjoy.

**Payback.**

The man watched the monitor silently, a smile upon his face. The camera that he'd installed in John Sheppard's quarters showed him lying on his bed twitching as the electric current ran through his body.

After a moment he lay still. The man wished that he could have heard him die but he was unable to get an audio feed.

Time to get rid of the evidence. He pushed a button on the laptop in front of him which initiated a prewritten subroutine. The water stopped flowing into the bathtub. Both the floor drain and the plug opened and the water started to rapidly recede. Fans started to blow across the room. "_Excellent_," he thought. "_By the time that he is found there will be no trace_." He turned the monitor off.

"Now for Doctor McKay..."

oOo

_One week earlier..._

They walked into the Jumper as usual. As Teyla and Ronon took their seats Rodney was stowing his extra bag in the back while John settled himself into the pilot's seat. John started his preflight check and turned on the power.

A surge of electricity ran through the main console. John jerked and froze, unable to move, as the energy surged through him. There was a smell of ozone in the air.

"Don't touch him !" Rodney yelled as Ronon got up. Rodney shoved Teyla aside and plugged his padd into the port at the side. He rapidly typed in a command and the power shut down. John slumped forward.

"Get him out, we've got to lay him flat," Rodney said dropping the padd.

Ronon pulled John out of the seat and laid him on the floor. Rodney was aware of Teyla calling Carson on the radio as he started chest compressions.

"Come on," Rodney muttered as he counted. He stopped briefly and checked John's neck as Carson ran in. "I've got a pulse," he said. "But he got one hell of a shock."

They watched in silence as Carson took John to the Infirmary.

"What happened ?" Ronon asked.

"I don't know," Rodney said retrieving his padd. He was really glad that he'd already had it in hand. He unplugged it and headed towards the control room. "But I aim to find out," he added.

oOo

Rodney visited John in the Infirmary later that day. John was sitting up in bed contemplating a tray full of fruit and jello. "You didn't bring any food with you by chance ?" he asked.

"Not this time," Rodney said standing with his hands in his pockets. "I may be able to smuggle you something in later. How are you doing ?"

John held up his right hand which was bandaged up to his wrist. "Well my hand's sore from the electrical burn and I still feel kinda tingly but I'm doing good. Thank you by the way."

"You're welcome."

"Did you find out what caused it ?"

"Oh. Yes. There was a subroutine that was programmed to kick in when someone initiated the preflight sequence. It was rather clever actually..." Rodney said scratching his ear.

"So you're telling me that someone did this deliberately ?"

"Hum, yes. It would appear that way."

"Any idea who ?"

"Well whoever it was knew what they were doing. If I hadn't known what kind of code to look for I wouldn't have found it. It was uploaded from a laptop in the physics lab but it's an open area. Anyone could've used it. Once on a zip file it wouldn't have taken long. I've removed the file, of course. Lovely piece of work. Very specific."

"I'm glad you liked it," John said. "Does it help us pinpoint anyone in particular ?"

"Had to be someone who understood the system. Myself, of course, Radek, Wilson, Perkins...if there's someone else I don't know them. Maybe one of the senior scientists if they've done their homework. But if someone's out to kill you there are probably simpler ways."

"Gee thanks."

"You know what I mean."

John gave a lopsided smile.

"Got any of the blue kind...?" Rodney asked checking out his tray.

oOo

The next day John sat with Rodney in the mess hall. Rodney had his ever present data padd and a large mug of black coffee. "So when's Carson gonna clear you ?" he asked as he worked.

John smiled. One thing with Rodney. Even as busy as he was he'd always squeeze some time out for you. It's no wonder he never found time to sleep. "Tomorrow," John said stretching. "I was thinking of trying out that lake that you made by the west tower."

"Let me know how that works. I haven't had a chance to test it out yet. We haven't released access to the general population. What are you planning ?"

"Well remember that rowboat that I requisitioned when you first came up with that idea ?"

Rodney laughed. "Yeah I still can't believe that you got away with that."

"Well I was going to take Kara Springer out for a row on the lake."

"She's that blonde marine that came in with the new people last month isn't she ?"

"Yep that's the one."

"Well don't forget to enter your code into the computer panel so that the overflow gates remain closed."

"The overflow gates ?"

Rodney sighed. "I told you this when we were designing it. There's an input pipe running from the sea and then there's a waterfall effect on the other side. Keeps the water flowing and stops it from stagnating. If you want to use the lake just enter your IDC into the terminal and it cuts off the flow. Simple."

"Uh huh." John knew from past experience that when Rodney said that something was simple it was usually anything but...

John had got a couple of marines to take the boat over to the lake area. Since it wouldn't fit into a transporter it had to be taken across manually.

He stepped out of the transporter with Kara. He was dressed in his usual black T shirt and pants but she had chosen to wear a summer dress in a lovely shade of blue which set off her eyes. John was looking forward to trying out the water. He waved his hand in front of the door control.

"ATTENTION YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO ENTER A RESTRICTED AREA !"

"Jesus," John said stepping back.

"Yes," a pleasant male voice answered. "Can I help you ?"

John had to think about that. Barring the second coming he figured that a tech had taken over the microphone. "Uh yes," he said. "I'm Colonel John Sheppard..."

"Ah yes. Doctor McKay said that you'd be coming. Please proceed."

The door opened silently onto an open area. John was amazed. He had to hand it to Rodney. When he put his mind to something...They walked in open mouthed.

Rodney had managed to get enough artificial foliage to make it look like a forest. There was a "grassy" area surrounding the lake edged by multicolored flowers as a picnic area. A huge vista window to his right showed a view of the ocean with a waterfall that dropped at least fifty meters into the sea below. He'd also replaced the roof with plexiglass giving a clear view of the sky.

John's rowboat was on the ground by the lake. A computer console was by the door with "_Enter your IDC before using the facility_" flashing on the screen. There even seemed to be a breeze.

"Wow," Kara said.

John had to agree. He went to the console and entered his IDC. _"Do you want the waterfall to be turned off ? Y/N _" appeared. John entered "_Y_" and watched as a large sheet of reinforced plexiglass slid up and stopped the flow of water. The noise of the overflow was replaced by a recording of birds singing.

It was enchanting. Oh yeah he was so going to owe Rodney for this one and Rodney was never going to let him forget it.

"This just might be worth it," he said softly.

"What ?" Kara said turning to look at him.

"Nothing," John said taking her hand. "Let's test the waters."

John rowed out to the center of the lake. He turned the boat so that he was facing the window. As the sun began to set they laid back in the boat and watched the sky. He could feel himself drifting off to sleep...

Suddenly Kara sat up. "John !" she said poking him. "We're moving..."

John sat up quickly. He realized that he could hear the water spilling over the fall. The plexiglass had retracted and they were heading over the edge.

John grabbed the oars and started rowing. He grunted, starting to sweat as he dug the oars in and fought the current.

Kara slid to the center of the boat. "It's gaining on us," she said looking over her shoulder.

"How far is the bank ?" John gasped.

"About a hundred feet. Could we swim for it ?"

"Negative. No swimmer is going to buck this current better than a pair of oars and I'm not doing so hot..." John said. His breath was coming in raw burning gasps and he knew that he couldn't row this hard much longer. He tried to tap his radio but couldn't stop rowing long enough to do so. "Kara !" he said quickly. "Hit my radio !"

Kara reached forward and tapped John's radio. John prayed that the area wasn't RF shielded. "Rodney !" he yelled. "McKay !"

"Jeeze you don't have to shout..." Rodney replied.

"We're going over the dam !"

"What ?"

"I'm ...rowing. The barrier opened...the waterfall..."

"It's not supposed to do that ! Hold on I'm accessing the program...Give me a minute..."

"I don't think...I've got a minute...left..."

Suddenly the barrier slid back into place. The boat surged forward as the current abruptly stopped. John rowed to the bank and staggered onto the grass where he collapsed gasping for breath. Kara pulled the boat out of the water and sat down next to him. The "birds" twittered innocuously in the background.

John was still lying there when Rodney came running through the door, his data padd still in his hand.

"Oh my God," Rodney said. "Are you all right ?"

"Uh huh," John said. His breathing was just about back to normal. He propped himself up on his elbows. Suddenly the view didn't seem so serene anymore.

Rodney was over by the console. "I don't understand it," he said. "You're still logged in. I had failsafes built in to prevent this kind of thing happening."

John got to his feet shaking his sore hand. "So was it deliberate again ?" he asked.

"It's beginning to look like it," Rodney said looking at him wide eyed.

oOo

John walked around the lab as Rodney worked at his computer.

"Will you stop prowling and sit down ?" Rodney said testily. "It makes it hard to concentrate."

John sat down. After a moment he started to tap on the table. Rodney stopped typing and glared at him. "Sorry," John said.

"Here," Rodney said handing him his empty coffee mug. "Make yourself useful. I've almost finished the analysis."

"What are you doing ?"

"Comparing the current code to the previous one and checking for any anomalies." Rodney waved his hand at him and John went to get more coffee.

By the time that John returned Rodney was leaning back staring at the screen with his arms crossed. John knew that look. Rodney had found something.

John handed him a fresh cup of black coffee which Rodney took without comment. John sat down opposite him and sipped his own coffee.

"Well there's an extra line of code all right. And it was definately meant for you. It was triggered by your IDC."

"So it waited for a while and then triggered the "accident" ?"

Rodney nodded. "The creepy thing is how did the saboteur know that you were going there ?"

John looked up at the CCTV camera.

Rodney followed his gaze and then typed a command into his computer. "I've disabled that one along with the audio feed from the other room. If that's how he's listening then we have some privacy here."

"So now what ?"

Rodney tapped away at his computer. "Oh that's interesting..."

"What ?"

"Did you know that you have a video feed in your quarters ?"

John walked around and looked over Rodney's shoulder. "Hey that's..."

"Your bed I believe. Recognize your Johnny Cash poster ?"

John sat next to him. "Whoa," he said. "That's creepy. Do you suppose...?"

"That he'll try again ? You can bet on it."

"Do you have an idea ?"

Rodney looked at him and smiled. "We let him kill you..."

oOo

"What ? That's a terrible idea."

"I'll be checking on you. I can monitor this feed without anyone knowing. Go to bed. Keep your radio on," Rodney said pointing to his left ear. "I'll keep watch from here."

"When did you last sleep Rodney ?"

Rodney smiled. "Won't be the first all nighter I've pulled. Besides if he's gonna hit you he'll do it early in the night. Leaves time to get rid of the evidence."

John didn't look convinced.

"Got a better idea ?"

"So I just go to bed ?"

"Right. I'll make sure that there's no audio feed. If you hear anything just act like you're still asleep and talk to me. If I see anything I'll wake you up."

"Hear anything ?"

"Yeah you know like gas coming in the vents or something. Or a weird smell. Trust me."

John sighed. "With my life Rodney," he said as he left.

oOo

John laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. He had to admit that whoever it was they were good. Even knowing that there was a camera there he couldn't spot it.

"_Turn over and try to look like you're asleep_," Rodney said in his ear. "_Nothing's going to happen while it's obvious that you're awake_."

John sighed and turned onto his left side, hiding the radio. "What if nothing happens ?" he said.

"_Then I've blown another night's sleep_."

Thirty minutes went by. John could feel himself drifting. "Rodney," he said.

"_Yes_."

"The water in the bathtub has just turned on. Sounds like the tub's filling."

"_Stay put. You're supposed to be asleep, remember_."

"It's overflowing."

"_I see it. There's water on the floor_."

"Is he going to drown me ?"

_"Doubt it. Keep away from the bed frame_."

"Why ?"

"_I think that there's a current running through that water. Stay away from anything metal_."

John moved gently towards the center of the bed.

_"I'm looking straight down on you. I can't see how high the water is. That could work to our advantage. It looks higher from this angle. Let me know when it's halfway up the bed."_

"O...K...Can you tell if he's watching ?"

_"Not without tipping him off to my presence. Don't worry, he's watching. Is it halfway yet _?"

"Just about," John said keeping his face down towards the pillow.

"_Perfect, it looks higher from here. OK, start twitching, flail about a little but stay away from the edge. That's good now lay still."_

"Nothing's happening."

_"Be patient. Don't worry. I can stop it if I need to. Keep still you're supposed to be dead remember."_

"The water's turned off."

_"Drain will open next."_

"Fans have turned on."

"_Yeah he's drying you out for when you're found in the morning dead of a mysterious heart attack. Someone's calling me. I'll meet you in the mess hall. Make sure that the water's receded before you move_."

"Thanks Rodney."

"_Hey now we need to find out who's doing this_." Rodney tapped his radio. "McKay."

The man just said one word. "Lemonade."

oOo

Carson was coming out of the mess hall. "Hello Rodney," he said.

Rodney pushed past him without a word heading towards the soft drinks section.

"Well that was bloody rude," Carson said turning and following him.

Rodney grabbed a glass of lemonade from the counter and drank it straight down.

"Rodney !" Carson said running up to him. "What are ya doing ?"

"Oh, hi Carson," Rodney said turning to him and smiling. "What do you mean...?" He gasped reaching for his neck as his throat rapidly closed. He gasped for air. "I...I...can't..." he said falling to the ground.

Carson cushioned his fall. "Oh my God," he said. Fortunately one of the things that Carson always had in his pocket was an epi-pen. He jammed it quickly into Rodney's thigh targeting the femoral artery. He hit his radio. "I need a medical team with a gurney to the mess hall. Stat !" he said. "My God Rodney, hang on."

With the dose of epinephrine Rodney's breathing was easier but he had ingested so much lemon that it was only barely helping.

The medical team arrived and they loaded him onto the gurney. "Hurry," Carson was saying. "We're gonna have to get him on a ventilator."

John was in the doorway and moved aside as they rushed through.

"Rodney ?" he said. "What happened ?" he asked a junior scientist who was watching.

"He drank a glass of lemonade," she said matter of factly.

"What ?!"

oOo

John waited impatiently in the Infirmary until Carson came out from the back area. Carson still looked shocked. "I don't bloody understand it," he said. "He walked right past me without a word and calmly drank down a whole glass of lemonade. Then he turns and says hello like nothin's happened."

"How is he ? Will he be OK ?"

"It's a miracle I was there. I've got him heavily sedated and on life support and I'm giving him steroids. But if I hadn't been right there..." Carson ran his hand through his hair. "If I hadn't been right next to him with a dose of epinephrine he'd be dead for sure."

"Think Carson," John said. "When you first saw him did he seem like himself ?"

"Well no. He didn't nae say anything. That's just not like him."

"And then after he drank the lemon ?"

"He smiled at me and said hello like nothin' was wrong. It was most peculiar. Why ? What are you thinking ?"

"I'm not sure," John said. "I'll check back with you," he said as he left.

oOo

Radek was sitting at Rodney's computer. "You understand," he said. "That Rodney is far better at this kind of thing than I am."

"I know Radek," John said looking over his shoulder. "But I've already explained the situation. Now can you find out who booby trapped my room earlier ?"

"Let me see..." Radek typed a series of commands. John tried not to be impatient. He wanted to track this person down quickly. Before they checked their video feed and realized that the plan hadn't worked. Radek adjusted his glasses. "Oh... my," he said.

"What ?"

"I've found the code but that's...that's Rodney's log in. He didn't even try to hide it."

"OK," John said. "Bring up the CCTV."

"What are we looking for ?"

"For whoever or whatever made Rodney do this."

oOo

It took over an hour of fast forwarding through video feed before they found it.

"Whoa," John said suddenly. "Who's that ?"

Radek slowed the image and reversed it. Rodney was working in his lab several days before when a blond haired man in a white lab coat came into the room. He was carrying an object in a box.

As Rodney took the item from the box it activated in his hand. Suddenly a swirl of colors exploded throughout the room. The blond man, who had obviously been expecting it, covered his eyes but Rodney caught the effect full in the face. His expression went blank and his hand dropped limply onto the desk. As he released the disc it powered down. The blond man turned and used a cloth to put the disc back into the box. Then he leaned towards Rodney and started to speak.

"Can we hear what he's saying ?" John asked.

"There's no audio feed in Rodney's lab," Radek said. "For security reasons."

"Well he's got the ATA gene," John said. "Can we see his face ?"

"Let me see..." Radek slowed the images. "There," he said. "Oh it's that new bio assistant. I don't know his name. He works with Wilson. He goes through more lab assistants than Rodney does," he said laughing.

"He looks familiar..." John said. "Can you zoom in on his name tag ?"

Radek tapped a few keys on the computer. He squinted at the screen. "Clayborn ?" he said.

"Colburn," John replied frowning.

oOo

John took Ronon and Teyla to Colburn's quarters. Using his security override John opened the door. As they burst in Colburn turned to face them. "You !" he said reaching into his pocket. Ronon quickly stunned him and Colburn collapsed to the floor. The disc fell out of his hand and rolled across the floor. Teyla picked it up.

"It is beautiful," she said turning it over and looking at the colors.

"Hum," John said. "Like a snake. Take it to Radek and have him seal it in something."

"And you ?"

"We're going to have a small chat with Colburn."

oOo

When Colburn woke up he was in the brig. John stood on the other side of the laser beams watching him as he got to his feet. Ronon leaned calmly against the wall.

"Good evening," John said. "Welcome back. Nice dye job by the way," he added pointing to his hair.

"Is McKay dead ?" Colburn said facing him.

"No, fortunately for you."

"Pity. I was hoping that I'd at least get one of you."

"How'd you get back from the mainland ?"

Colburn laughed. "You don't have a clue do you ? My brother, Ben, is still on the mainland. Thanks to you and McKay he's probably dead by now. Brian was court martialed and he's now pumping gas in Laramie."

"Bobby ?" John said. "We didn't drive your brothers to do what they did. Ben could have got help..."

"Institutionalized you mean. Our mother died that way."

John glanced at Ronon. That explained a lot. "So," John said. "That disc...?"

"I found it at the SGC," Bobby said standing with his arms crossed. "When I first picked it up I got caught by it's effects. That's when I came up with the idea for the perfect revenge."

"Sounds like that thing started it," Ronon said.

"The more that I used the disc the more I wanted to get back at you for my brothers, the clearer that things became. How evil you two are. I found that if I was careful I could program people to do things and they'd have no memory of it afterwards. That's how I got my transfer here."

"So Rodney kills me and then commits suicide in a fit of remorse ?"

"It should have worked. I had all of the details worked out. As soon as one of the traps got you then I called McKay and triggered the end... I don't understand what went wrong."

"Rodney is what went wrong," John said walking out.

oOo

It was a couple of days later before Carson removed Rodney from the ventilator and allowed the sedation to wear off.

"He's pretty wiped out, of course," Carson said. "But you can see him for a few minutes."

John sat on the empty bed next to Rodney and explained how Colburn had used the artifact to hypnotize him into submission.

"So this thing made him obsess about revenge ?" Rodney asked quietly.

"Well I think that he might have had the tendency but the disc made it worse, expanded it somehow, so that it became an obsession."

"So if you're a little bit nutty it can make you a full blown nut ?"

"Right. It didn't affect you that way because he was there giving you instructions and you didn't have the prolonged exposure to it."

"Hum that thing sounds dangerous," Rodney said shifting in the bed to try and get more comfortable. "I'll have Radek destroy it. We've got the CCTV feed if they need evidence or anything."

"I don't think that it will come to a trial."

"Go straight to the nuthouse do not pass go do not collect two hundred ?"

"Something like that. By the way...thanks for...you know."

"You're welcome. Of course I put you in the danger in the first place. Why is it that you're the target and I end up in the Infirmary ?"

"Because you're the one who nearly killed himself and went into anaphylaxis," Carson said walking up to the bed. "It almost gave _me_ a heart attack. You need to rest. Out," he said to John.

John got up and gave a half wave. "Later," he said.

"Much later," Carson said.

"Hey Carson," Rodney said.

Carson turned back to him. "Yes ?"

"Thanks for being there."

Carson nodded and pulled the curtain around his bed. "Always," he said.

oOo

This is actually a follow up to chapter 55, "Of Mice and Physicists" but I didn't want to mention that at the beginning because I was hoping to not give the game away too early in the story. I was trying for an "Oh I didn't expect that !" So did I manage it ?? Or did you have it figured out half way through ?? I would love to know...

(The inspiration for this came from a recent CSI episode where they had a hypnotist who hypnotized bank tellers into giving out too much money and then not recalling doing it.)

Please review (it let's me know how I'm doing) ;D

debbie


	61. Stuck In The Middle

**Disclaimer:**yeah yeah whatever

OK . For all of you who have been following (and hopefully enjoying) our "Monkey" saga: The muse will...not...die... ;D

I thought I'd ended it & Tenshi tagged. She thought she'd ended it ..and now for more...

For those trying to keep this straight (Good luck with that by the way ;D)

1st chapter:Rodney's Really Bad Days (RRBD) chapter #45 "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"  
2nd chapter:John's Really Bad Days (JRBD) chapter #14 "Rodney's Revenge"  
3rd chapter:RRBD chapter #51 "Buttons"  
4th chapter:JRBD chapter #19 "Monkey Madness"  
5th chapter: RRBD chapter #58 "Buttons Returns"  
6th chapter: JRBD chapter #21 "The Revenge Of Buttons"

_And now we continue..._

Wraith to the left of me, Monkeys to the right, here I am:

**Stuck In The Middle.**

Rodney sat up in bed. His heart was pounding and he was covered in a cold sweat. He concentrated on getting his breathing back to normal. That was some dream. A wraith had approached him, teeth bared, hand stretched out. As he touched him he turned into...Buttons. That was when he woke up.

Rodney checked his clock. Three oh seven. They were due to head offworld at six. He sighed. "_There's no point in trying to sleep now," _he thought.

He got up and headed for the shower.

oOo

Four thirty found him sitting in the mess hall picking at a bowl of peaches and with a mug of black coffee sitting by his elbow. John walked up and put his tray down. He had cereal and a half a grapefruit which he put in front of Rodney just to irritate him.

Rodney pulled a face and used one finger to push the offending fruit bowl back towards John.

"I've got to get the packs ready for the mission," John said as he sat down. "Why are you up this early ?"

"Couldn't sleep," Rodney said waving his hand. "Nightmare."

"Oh ?" John said taking a spoonful of cereal.

"Yeah I was being attacked by a wraith and it turned into Buttons," Rodney said. "That blasted monkey is still giving me the creeps."

John smiled. "Oh I understand," he said. "That was a crappy experience all right."

"Funny. Don't give up your day job."

"Want to help me with the supplies ?"

"No...fine...Oh quit it with the guilt trip you know I'll help."

Rodney walked with John towards the gateroom. "Why do we pack so much crap anyway ?" he said shifting the bag from his left hand to his right.

"Basic supplies. You know that we never know what we'll find. Here," John said holding out a smaller bag. "How about you carry yours instead of Ronon's ?"

"What ? No wonder..." Rodney said dropping the bag.

"Better now ?" John said picking it up.

"Hey if I wanted to be a pack mule I wouldn't have gone to university."

"What's at this place anyway ?"

"According to the database a zed p m facility. Whether there's anything left of it, of course, is anyone's guess. Only one way to find out," he said as they waited for Ronon and Teyla. "Unfortunately."

"I thought you liked going offworld Rodney."

"Some aspects of it. Some I'm not so sure about."

"I know what you mean," John said as the others arrived. "Still there's always new friends to consider. Dial her up Chuck," he added smiling.

oOo

"Does everything have to be twenty miles from the gate ?" Rodney said. "And any particular reason that they couldn't mention distances in the database ? 'Hey take the Jumper or be prepared to hike'."

"It's more like three miles, McKay," Ronon said. "And walking's good for you. Maybe you need to train more."

"Again. I never aspired to be a pack mule."

"Good because you're not very good at it."

Rodney sneered at Ronon and pulled his hand held padd out of his pocket. "This way," he said pointing forward. "Not much further, thank God."

John smiled as he and Teyla walked behind. He kept seeing movement in the trees. "Any people here, Rodney ?" he asked.

"Only us. Why ?"

"Nothing. Guess there's some animal life here," John said gesturing towards the forest.

Rodney looked around and turned more towards the ruins that had come into view and away from the treeline.

"Hold it," Rodney said. Ronon stopped and turned to look at him. "We've got a force field here. Let me see," he walked around the building until he came to a small podium with a series of controls. He looked for a moment and then tapped several buttons. There was a shimmer as the force field disengaged. "That's better," he said walking towards the door.

Rodney stopped and looked at the door control. There was no response when he waved his hand in front of it so he pulled the cover off and fiddled with the mechanism. The door opened revealing a flight of stairs leading down. As he stepped forward lights in the walls glowed brightly. He walked down the stairs studying his padd.

As John started to follow there was the sound of a crash from the bottom of the stairs, followed by Rodney cursing. John ran downstairs as Rodney was picking himself up off the floor.

"Watch that bottom step," Rodney said pointing. "It's loose."

John carefully stepped over it and helped Rodney up. "Are you all right ?" he asked.

"Yes...no," Rodney said lifting his foot. "I think I've twisted my ankle." He gingerly put his weight on it. Limping slightly, he went over to the machine dominating the center of the lab.

Rodney hit a few panels and brought up the HUD. Immediately, data started to scroll across the screen. Rodney stood rapidly reading the information as John idly looked around the room. Not that there was much to look at. Aside from the main machine everything else had long since been removed. No one had been down here for a long, long time.

"Well there's only one zed p m," Rodney said. "And it's pretty much depleted. Too many years of running that shield. There's some interesting data though," he added getting out his laptop.

"Sheppard," Ronon said from upstairs.

John trotted easily up the steps to the doorway.

"We need to get outta here," Ronon opening his hand. He was holding a wraith transmitter and it was flashing red. "I found this by the building."

"How long has it been transmitting ?"

"No way of tellin'."

"OK get Teyla and head for the gate. We'll be right behind you." John went back down the stairs. "Rodney," he said. "We gotta go."

"What ? I just got started."

"Ronon found an active wraith transmitter."

"Oh," Rodney said wide eyed. He unplugged his computer. "I wonder if dropping the shield triggered it."

"No way to know. All that we know is that it's sending out a signal now."

Rodney hobbled up the stairs. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm gonna slow you down."

"Well I'm kinda hoping," John said looking around. "That that thing's been transmitting for years and no one's coming."

"Uh huh. Do you know how long those things broadcast before they run out of power ?"

"No idea."

"It's a small power source with a powerful signal so it won't be too long."

"So not years then."

"Right."

"Gate's activated," Ronon's voice came over their radios.

The sound that followed was unmistakeable.

"Darts," Rodney said.

oOo

John and Rodney were still close to the ruins. Ronon and Teyla had taken cover near the gate.

"How many ?" John asked.

"Two," Ronon answered. "Gate's shut down."

"Probably just scouting to see if anyone's here," Rodney said. "They'll pick us up on their LSD for sure."

"And then they'll signal the others," John said. "Ronon, can you dial out ?"

"Sure."

"Do it. We're on our way. Go on through."

As Teyla dialled the gate they could see red streaks shooting skyward from Ronon's gun and one of the darts went spiraling into the ground.

John shoved Rodney forward as they ran, with Rodney still stumbling, towards the gate. Ronon and Teyla leapt through the event horizon as the second dart passed over the gate and circled around.

John and Rodney both fired their P90s at the craft as it zoomed overhead.

The dart headed towards them and John pushed Rodney down and dove down flat on the ground himself.

"Why didn't he use the beam ?" John said.

"He's heading for the gate !" Rodney yelled pointing.

John hit his radio. "Incoming dart ! Raise the shield !"

They watched, horrified, as the dart entered the wormhole and the gate powered down.

Rodney got slowly to his feet and John helped him steady himself. "Do you think they got the shield up in time ?" he asked.

"I hope so," John replied. He didn't want to think about what it would be like in the gateroom if they hadn't.

Immediately the gate began to reactivate.

"Atlantis ?" Rodney asked.

"Not necessarily," John answered. "We'd better take cover until we find out."

They moved to the forest and hid behind the trees as the last symbol lit up and the wormhole formed. Several wraith guards came through followed by a leader.

"Crap !" John said looking forward.

"They're keeping the wormhole open." Rodney said. "So that we can't dial out." He turned around and gave a yelp of surprise.

"Quiet Rodney," John said still watching the gate. "There are wraith here remember."

Rodney tapped John frantically on the shoulder.

"What ?" John said looking at him.

Rodney was staring at something in the trees. He pointed forward without saying a word.

John turned to look and saw...Buttons !

He jumped. "_OK_," he thought noticing that the facial markings were different. "_Not Buttons_."

"What are they doing here ?" Rodney whispered.

John peered through the trees. As his eyes adjusted to the dimmer light he could see other monkeys sitting in the trees staring at them. Some of them were definately male. He could see their large teeth and pronounced brown markings. "Perhaps they're not as aggressive..."

His sentence was cut short by something splatting against the tree right by his face. The smell was unmistakable.

"Move !" John said unneccessarily. Rodney was already heading back towards the ruins, managing to move fairly quickly despite his ankle. John understood. He'd sooner tackle the wraith too.

The monkeys were fast and agile. And accurate. By the time that they reached the ruins both of them were dripping. Rodney had a trickle of blood running down the side of his face from a cut above his right eye and John's left eye was almost closed shut where they'd been hit by rocks.

The monkeys stayed in the trees screeching as Rodney pulled the lock apart so that he could close it behind them.

"Hurry up Rodney," John said. "The wraith..."

"Have to hear this racket, I know, I know," Rodney said as the door opened and they hurried downstairs. "I was kinda hoping that they'd lob crap at them too."

"If you can't get the shield up we'll be cornered in here," John pointed out.

"Right, no pressure," Rodney said pulling up the HUD. "There's barely any power," he said pushing buttons. "But if I reduce the shield area so that it just covers this building...there." He stood up and got out his LSD. "Looks like they don't like the wraith either," he said showing the display to John. The life signs were moving back towards the gate, and rather quickly. "Seems that they're good for something after all."

"Yeah," John said. "Pity that they're so anti-social."

"Hum, yes. Of course there's just one more problem," Rodney said as he plugged his laptop in.

"What's that ?" John asked.

"The monkeys are between here and the gate."

oOo

"Well the wraith have left," Rodney said checking the HUD. "And I've calibrated this to show our primate er fiends. There's dozens of them, all throughout the trees. No way of knowing how many of them are male."

John sighed. "Well we could wait. They must sleep sometime."

"We can't wait long, the zed p m is losing power as we speak. The shield won't last much longer."

"The thing runs for years and now it runs out of power ?"

"What are you implying ?" Rodney said turning to him and standing with his arms crossed. "I don't want to face those things any more than you do. But I've been running the HUD and downloading data and that takes power. The lights are on and that takes power..."

John held his hand up. "I'm sorry. Look it's just been a crappy day...literally."

"Hum. Well all that I can suggest is that we try to steer clear of the trees. They seem to stay out of the open areas."

Once they got clear of the trees the monkeys left them alone. They could still hear them chattering at each other but at least they seemed to be out of range.

Rodney walked slowly up to the DHD. He looked worried as he dialled Atlantis.

John sent through his IDC and then tapped his radio. "Atlantis ?" he said.

"It's good to hear from you, John," Elizabeth said. "We were trying to dial in but we couldn't get through. Do you need assistance ?"

John smiled and looked down at himself. "No," he said. "We're fine. I take it that you got the shield up in time."

"No problem. Thanks for the warning."

"Well we'll be right there." John tapped his radio. "After you," he said to Rodney.

"I'm just looking forward to a bath in Carson's solvent."

"I'll take the lemon," John said following.

oOo

Ronon walked towards them as they stepped into the gateroom and the wormhole closed behind them. He stopped suddenly and sniffed.

"Not a word," Rodney said holding his hand up. "I don't want to hear a word."

Elizabeth and Carson walked down the stairs towards them. They too stopped several feet away. Elizabeth covered her smile, unsuccessfully, with her hand. "What on earth...?" she said.

"There's nothin' like that on earth my dear," Carson said smiling.

Rodney stood with his arms crossed looking extremely irritated and as haughty as he could considering what he was covered with.

John gave a lopsided smile and tried to wipe some of the worst of it off his P90. "It appears," he said. "That the ancients put the monkeys on other planets as well."

"Without any notation in the database whatsoever," Rodney said angrily. "Something I'll be rectifying as soon as I get cleaned up and get to a computer."

"That may be easier said than done," Carson said.

"What do you mean ? Oh no no no no no no no no no," Rodney said as he realized what Carson meant.

"We're out of the solvent," Carson continued. "We used it all cleaning the base."

"Well make more..."

"It's not that easy laddie. It's an enzyme based solvent. Ya have to culture some of that stuff. It takes time. I've ordered a fresh supply but the Daedalus won't be back for at least a week."

"A week ?" Rodney said quietly. "A week...?"

John laughed and Rodney turned and glared at him. If looks could kill then John would have been pushing up daisies.

"I don't know what you're laughing at, Colonel," Carson said. "We're out of lemon too."

oOo

To be continued...

Looks like the boys are in for a funky week ;D  
OK Tenshi, tag you're it.

Love some reviews as always.  
debbie


	62. The Curse Of The Black Cat

**Disclaimer: **Yeah I wish ;D

Now we all know that Doctor Meredith Rodney Mckay doesn't believe in the supernatural or magic or anything like that. In this case that is not going to help him whatsoever...

**The Curse Of The Black Cat.**

"Here you are Doctor McKay," the scientist said placing a box next to him. "Here are the components that you wanted."

Rodney waved his hand in acknowledgement and continued to work at his computer.

Dean Newcomb moved to the back of the lab where he could see what was happening. He chewed nervously on a fingernail as he watched. Rodney didn't notice him go. He was thoroughly engrossed in what he was reading and he seldom noticed junior scientists anyway. Unless they annoyed him.

For several minutes Rodney ignored the box. Newcomb was getting anxious. It had to be unknowingly accepted within ten minutes of being offered or it would return to him, along with its curse. He had found that out the hard way when he'd tried to leave it for people to find. And each time that it returned it seemed to get worse. He looked at the bandage on his hand. A souvenir of the last encounter.

After what seemed like an eternity Rodney pulled the box across and picked it up. He walked to the back table to sort through the contents.

Newcomb breathed a sigh of relief. Finally. Tonight he could sleep peacefully. The cat had found a new home...

oOo

A little while later Radek stopped as he walked past Rodney. "What is that ?" he asked.

Rodney glanced up and then continued to read as he answered. "I found it in a box of stuff. I'm leaving it there in case anyone claims it. If not I may just keep it."

Radek picked it up and turned it over in his hand. The little statuette was of a black cat, in a sitting position, with large green eyes. It seemed to have been carved out of a single piece of very dark wood and then polished so that it shone. It was slightly bigger than Radek's hand. "It is heavy," he said putting it back by Rodney's computer.

"If you want to X Ray it go ahead. I just figured that it was decorative. But do it on your own time," Rodney added as he got up. "Gotta go," he said. "I'm meeting with Sheppard."

"Ah," Radek said. "_In other words you're going to lunch_," he thought.

Dean watched from his computer station as Rodney left.

oOo

Rodney leaned back in his chair. He was one of the few who enjoyed the meatloaf special. But then he liked MREs too.

John had eaten about half of his. Somehow he couldn't raise the enthusiasm for it that Rodney did. He was idly looking forward when he saw it coming.

Rodney saw John's eyes widen and turned just in time to receive the contents of Private First Class Michelle Sanchez' tray full in his face.

John tried really hard not to laugh at the mishap but he couldn't help himself.

Rodney sat perfectly still. He had meat loaf dripping from his shoulder and hair, the tomato running into the white of the patch on his sleeve. He picked up a handful of napkins and wiped around his collar where her drink had hit him in the side of his face and soaked his shirt.

John had got up to help her with her tray when he noticed that Rodney was looking uncomfortable and he was starting to wheeze.

"What...exactly was...that...?" Rodney asked mopping at himself. He fumbled in his pocket for his epi-pen even as she answered.

"I'm so sorry," she stammered. "I tripped. It er was the special and a glass of lemon tea..."

John took the epinephrine from Rodney and jabbed it quickly into his leg. Rodney winced and then began to relax as the medicine started to take effect. He sat, head down, still struggling to breathe.

"Come on," John said pulling him to his feet. "Let's get you to the Infirmary."

oOo

Rodney lay on top of the bed in the Infirmary. He was still jittery from the dose of adrenaline that Carson had given him and he had a rash spreading down the left side of his neck which he was trying not to scratch.

"You can leave in a few minutes when ya stop shaking," Carson said. "And grab another epi-pen on your way out... Colonel," he added as he left.

"I hate how that stuff makes me feel," Rodney said shaking his hands. "Thank you by the way," he added. "At least after you'd finished laughing."

John smiled briefly. "I didn't know that there was lemon in it. Just bad luck I guess. At least it wasn't hot."

"Hum," Rodney said getting off the bed. "I guess this_ is _better than being burned. I'd better get back to the lab. I left a download running."

"So what are you doing ?" John asked walking with him.

"I'm running an analysis on that data we got from P37-639," Rodney said moving rapidly. John almost had to jog to keep up with him. "It seems that they had a method of getting more energy out of the naquadah ore."

"And that's a good thing ?"

"Of course," Rodney said tapping on his computer. "They showed almost a...wait a minute. Where'd it go ? Radek has anyone touched this ?"

Radek shook his head. "No one's been near it," he said. "Why ?"

"Oh no no no no no no no no. This isn't possible."

"What isn't possible Rodney ?" John asked.

"It's gone, disappeared. All of it. Oh crap !" Rodney said as his screen blanked out completely. "Oh this can't be happening......No no no no no no no," he frantically punched keys.

Suddenly every other laptop in the lab also blanked out. Rodney looked around, horrified. "Pull the plugs," he said disconnecting his own. "Disconnect everything from the mainframe..."

"What happened ?" John asked looking around as the scientists frantically pulled plugs from their computers.

Rodney looked at him with a baffled look on his face. "They're all reformatting their hard drives," he said gesturing towards the computers. "Every machine in here has just wiped itself clean."

oOo

Rodney sighed and folded his cards together. He threw the five cards face down on the table.

"You haven't had a decent hand all night," John said. "Did you find out what happened with your computers ?"

Rodney shook his head. "Wasn't a virus or it wouldn't have affected all of them. My machine was isolated from the others for the download. We have got the operating system reloaded."

"But the data back up files and zip drives were wiped clean too," Radek said pushing a couple of green chips into the pile. "I raise you."

"Is that possible ?" John asked.

"Not without an EM pulse that would have affected other parts of the city not just my lab," Rodney said. "And there's no EM transmitter in that area anyway, apart from mine and it was shut down."

"You know Rodney," Radek said. "You've had nothing but bad luck since you got that black cat."

"Black cat ?"

"It's a statuette of a black cat that I found in with a box of components." Rodney glared across at him. "I know what you're thinking, Colonel and it's not possible."

"There are some strange things in this galaxy that we do not know about," Teyla said placing four queens face up on the table. Everyone else threw their cards down. "Just because you choose not to believe..."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Oh please," he said sitting with his arms folded. "That's just superstitious mumbo jumbo."

"Still..." John said. "It is kinda weird."

After the card game Rodney went back to his lab. Everything was quiet with just the emergency lights on. Rodney was so disgusted earlier that he'd thrown everyone out. No one argued, not when he was in that kind of mood.

He picked the black cat up and turned it over in his hand. It's emerald eyes flashed in the light as he held it. "_This is ridiculous_," he thought. "_It's not possible... Still in the interest of research..."_

He walked down the hallway and out onto the pier. Giving it one last look he pitched the statuette into the sea.

He still couldn't believe that he gave in to the superstition. As he walked back into the hallway a beam came loose from the ceiling. Rodney never knew what hit him as he fell to the ground, unconscious.

oOo

Rodney awoke slowly. His head was pounding and he blinked in the bright lights of the Infirmary. He groaned and lifted his hand to his head.

Carson walked over to his bedside. "Easy," he said. "You've got quite a concussion there."

"What....what happened ?"

"We don't know. You were found in the hallway by your lab. Try to stay still," he added. "I'm givin' ya something for the nausea." Carson fiddled with the IV.

Rodney closed his eyes and turned his head. As he opened them he focussed on the bedside table. "What ?" he yelped trying to sit up. "Where did that come from ?"

"I don't know," Carson said easing him back down. "It was just there."

Sitting innocuously on the table was the black cat statuette.

oOo

Ronon looked at the black cat on the floor and then at McKay and he just grinned.

"Look just humor me, OK ?" Rodney said gesturing towards the statuette.

"I thought that you didn't believe in this kinda thing."

"I don't. It's just...It's got me spooked OK. So just do what you do best and er blast the thing."

"Why don't you just throw it away ?"

"I tried. It came back."

Ronon just looked at him.

"Do you have to be so difficult ?" Rodney said exasperated. "Just shoot it for me...please ?"

Ronon took his gun, turned the power to maximum, and fired at the small cat. All that was left was a scorch mark on the floor.

"Thank you," Rodney said heading back towards his lab. Ronon followed him.

"That seemed like overkill," Ronon said still smiling.

"Oh that's rich coming from Mr. "get out of the way and I'll blast it" Dex," Rodney said. "It just makes me feel better, OK?"

"Whatever."

Suddenly the fire supression door closed in front of them. As they turned the one behind them shut too leaving them trapped in a short stretch of corridor.

"Oh this is not good," Rodney said tapping his radio. All that he got was static. Ronon pulled at the door as Rodney removed the control cover. "That's not gonna work," Rodney said fiddling with the mechanism.

"Well that's not working either, McKay."

"Give me a moment. Uh oh," Rodney said as coolant started to flood the area.

"Did you do that ?" Ronon asked.

"No. But try not to breathe it. That stuff's toxic." They started to cough as the coolant covered them. Rodney pulled several wires from the control. "You can...pull it open...now," he said coughing.

Ronon grabbed the doors and pushed them apart. The spray of coolant stopped as they fell out into the hallway.

"Hey we need help here," someone shouted.

oOo

"You know three trips to the Infirmary in two days is some kind of record even for you," John said as he walked with Rodney back towards his quarters.

"Well I wasn't out to set one," Rodney replied. "And you really don't have to "walk me home" you know."

"I promised Carson that I'd make sure that you didn't go straight back to your lab."

"Yeah well after today all that I want to do is go to bed," Rodney entered his code and his door opened. "I'll see you tomorrow."

John was just a few feet from the door when Rodney came running back out. "It's not possible," he said rushing away from him towards the pier.

"Rodney ?" John said running after him. "What isn't possible ?"

John ran around the corner and almost hit Rodney as he stood on the pier just staring at a mark on the floor.

Rodney turned to John. His eyes were open wide and he was clearly very scared. "It was right there. Ronon shot it. I saw him do it. It can't be. It's not possible.." he stammered.

John grabbed him by his shoulders and held him firmly. "What is it Rodney ?" he asked. "What are you babbling about ?"

Rodney opened his hands. He was holding the black cat statuette. "We destroyed this," he said. "Ronon shot it. There's the mark on the floor..."

oOo

Rodney sat back in his chair in his lab staring at the overhead projection from Radek's computer. "OK," he said. "It's a picture of the cat. I hope that you've got a translation for that lot because I'm not up on hieroglyphs."

Radek picked the statuette up off the desk. "This is one of a pair," he said pulling up another picture. This one showed a white cat, facing the opposite way and attached to the black one so that they both faced forward. "If I understand this correctly, when the two cats are separated then whoever has either of them in their possession are cursed."

Rodney snorted.

"You have to admit," John said. "That something weird is going on. That thing keeps reappearing for example."

"For all I know," Rodney said. "There's dozens of these things and someone is playing me. And God help him when I find out who it is."

"Still you never know."

"OK," Rodney said. "I'll bite. So what do I have to do to get rid of it ?"

"There are two ways listed," Radek said. "Either pass it unknowingly to someone else..."

"Tempting but I'm not passing this onto anyone. What's the other way ?"

"You have to reattach it to the white cat."

"Well that's just great," Rodney said standing up. "Since I don't know where the damn thing came from..."

"I do, sir..."

Rodney peered across the lab. "Newell ?"

"Newcomb."

"Yes, yes, yes. How do you....? Ooh...You gave that thing to me...In the box."

"I'm sorry," Newcomb said stepping forward. "I was desperate."

Rodney was furious. He strode over so that he was mere inches from the trembling scientist. "Do you have any idea what you put me through ? It nearly killed me and Ronon. Don't you think that it would've been a better idea to let someone know what was going on ?"

"Rodney..."

Rodney turned towards John. "What ?!" he said loudly. Rodney stopped and rubbed his forehead, slowing his breathing as he did so. "Where did you get it ?" he finally said evenly.

"M37296. I...er...took it from the altar."

"Was the white cat there ?" John asked.

Newcomb nodded. "On the other side of the stone."

"OK Rodney," John said. "Looks like that's where we're going."

"Not so fast," Rodney said grabbing Dean firmly by his shoulder and pushing him forward. "You're coming too."

oOo

They stood ready to go through the gate. Ronon and Teyla stood by relaxed and looking up at Chuck as they talked. Rodney looked tired and Dean Newcomb looked extremely nervous.

"Got the cat ?" John asked smiling.

Rodney gave him an "oh please" look and patted his vest pocket.

John waved at Chuck to complete the dialling sequence. "Then let's go," he said. "Try not to trip, Rodney," he added stepping through.

"Oh funny Sheppard," Rodney replied following.

Ronon guided Dean Newcomb through and Teyla came through last.

They stepped out into a large open area. Twin suns shone overhead bathing everything in a bright light.

"Well no welcoming committee," John said putting on his sunglasses. "Which is a good thing."

"Which way Newell ?" Rodney said.

"What ?"

Rodney glared at him. "Which way to where you stole the cat," he said slowly.

"Oh," Newcomb pointed forward towards a large step pyramid. "There. At the base of the building."

As they made their way towards it Ronon kept glancing around. "They know we're here," he said.

John nodded. He'd seen them too. "Yeah," he said calmly. "They're in the forest."

"I don't see anyone," Rodney said. "Got them on the LSD though. Now that's interesting..."

"What ?" John asked.

"There's an energy source underneath that pyramid."

"A ZPM ?"

"Probably. Can't tell from here though."

"Remember Rodney, that's not why we're here."

"I know but it's still interesting."

As they approached the base of the pyramid there was a volley of arrows from the trees.

"Look out !" John yelled pushing Newcomb to the side.

The attack was over as soon as it began. John and Ronon scanned the surrounding trees but their attackers were well hidden.

"Rodney !" Teyla said from behind them. John turned. Rodney was sprawled on the ground with Teyla helping him to partially sit up. The shaft of an arrow was jutting from his chest. It looked like it had missed his heart by mere inches.

Newcomb was sitting holding his knees to his chest looking very afraid. "I'm sorry," he kept repeating. "I'm so sorry..."

"Oh this is so...not fair,"" Rodney complained as he gasped for breath. "We're trying to put...the damn thing back...Will you shut up ?" he said glaring at Newcomb.

Several natives walked out from the trees. John and Ronon levelled their weapons at them as they approached.

"We had to see if you were bringing the cat," one of them said. "That you had not returned for her mate."

"You could've just...asked," Rodney muttered.

"Only the one to whom she is bonded may return the statue of Bast to her allotted place."

"And where is her...allotted place ?" John asked still keeping his P90 raised.

The man turned and pointed up at the stairs leading to the top of the pyramid.

"Of course," Rodney said. "Nothing's ever...at the bottom." He struggled to try and get up. John knelt next to him.

"You won't be able to make it up there, Rodney," John said putting his hand on Rodney's shoulder and pushing him back down.

"It doesn't sound like...I have much of...a choice," Rodney said wheezing slightly with the effort.

"I can do it," Newcomb said. Snatching the cat from Rodney's hand he ran towards the pyramid.

"Newcomb, no !" Rodey yelled.

As Newcomb reached the bottom of the pyramid there was a brilliant flash of light...and he was gone.

Rodney looked at his LSD and then at John. He shook his head silently. Suddenly Rodney patted his pocket. "What the...?" he said. Reaching inside he pulled out the black cat.

"Only the one to whom she is bonded..."

"Yes we know," John said. "Look Rodney. Give it to me."

"I can't. You're supposed to receive it unawares. According to Radek anyway. I don't believe in that...twaddle but..." he gestured towards the pyramid. "Something very real....just killed Newcomb."

"All the more reason that you shouldn't do it. Just wrap it in something and give it to me, OK ?"

"Oh this is...ridiculous," Rodney said. John turned away and Teyla pulled a shaving bag out of the pack and gave it to Rodney. He slipped the cat inside. "What am I doing...with this stuff anyway ?" he said as John turned to face him.

"It's basic supplies Rodney," John said taking the small bag from him. "Standard." He stood up. "OK," he said taking a deep breath. "Here goes."

"Are you...sure ?"

"No. Do you have a better idea ?"

Rodney shook his head. "Be careful," he said.

John smiled and nodded and walked towards the structure. As he got to the place where Newcomb...disappeared, he closed his eyes. "_Like that will make a difference_," he thought. Holding his breath he took a step forward onto the bottom step. Nothing happened. He breathed out and looked back at the others who looked visibly relieved. Giving them the thumbs up sign he started climbing the steps to the top.

About half way up he was beginning to feel the strain. Rodney could probably give him all of the data on the gravity and how it was harder to climb and everything on a twin sun planet but he was more concerned with just breathing at this point. It was just as well that Rodney wasn't doing this. He would have had problems even without having an arrow in him.

When he finally reached the top he saw a small pedestal. The white cat was already in place on the left side. John pulled the black cat out from the bag and slotted it into a space on the right.

The blue eyes on the white cat lit up and so did the green eyes of the black one. They slid towards each other and joined with a soft click.

There was a soft humming sound and the structure vibrated beneath John's feet.

Rodney looked at his data padd. "Wow," he said. "That was some energy spike."

"What happened ?" Ronon asked.

"It cloaked," Rodney replied. "The whole area...has just cloaked."

oOo

A couple of days later they were gathered around Rodney's bed in the Infirmary.

"So you see," Rodney was saying. "When the two cats joined together the zed p m initialized and the cloak engaged. All scientifically explained."

"What about the other stuff, Rodney ?" John asked. "That was pretty weird."

"Coincidence. Fuelled by superstitious beliefs."

"Well you were pretty upset by it," Ronon said.

"I'll admit that it was...disturbing," Rodney said. "But there's an explanation for everything."

"Uh huh," John said.

"What about when it appeared in your pocket ?" Teyla asked.

"Well I agree that I don't have all of the explanations...yet."

"Why don't you admit it, Rodney," John said. "There are some things that can't be scientifically explained."

"What like magic you mean ?"

"Yes Rodney," Teyla said. "Like magic."

"What used to be described as magic can now be explained scientifically. Just because we don't know how doesn't mean that it's supernatural. It's probably just some kind of miniature teleporter."

John shook his head and smiled. He knew that Rodney was never going to concede. Not that that was going to stop him trying mind you. "What about the time when Daniel Jackson..."

oOo

An old type story but fun nonetheless ?

Please R & R ;D

debbie


	63. Funky Week 2: MondayTuesday

**Disclaimer:**Yeah whatever

OK . For all of you who have been following (and hopefully enjoying) our "Monkey" saga: The muse will...not...die... ;D

I thought I'd ended it & Tenshi tagged. She thought she'd ended it ..and now for more...

For those trying to keep this straight (Good luck with that by the way ;D)

1st chapter:Rodney's Really Bad Days (RRBD) chapter #45 "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"  
2nd chapter:John's Really Bad Days (JRBD) chapter #14 "Rodney's Revenge"  
3rd chapter:RRBD chapter #51 "Buttons"  
4th chapter:JRBD chapter #19 "Monkey Madness"  
5th chapter: RRBD chapter #58 "Buttons Returns"  
6th chapter: JRBD chapter #21 "The Revenge Of Buttons"  
7th chapter: RRBD chapter #61 "Stuck In The Middle" (The Funk Begins...)  
8th chapter JRBD chapter #25 "Funky Week 1:Monday"

ps: for clarity on "the lake" mentioned in this chapter refer to RRBD chapter #60 "Payback"

_And now we continue with a very, very, bad week for our two heroes...  
__(And a long week for everyone else ;D)_

**Funky Week 2: Monday evening/Tuesday**

_Monday: 1700 hrs Atlantis time._

Rodney strolled casually into the mess hall. John, who had met him at the door, walked equally casually next to him. They both smiled pleasantly at everybody as the line parted before them and people started to move away.

"Evening," John said smiling. "How are you ? Nice day..."

Rodney glanced at him and snorted. "It's not working Sheppard," he said. "So how many showers did you take ?" he asked as they rapidly reached the front of the now non existent line.

"Three. You ?"

"Same." Rodney picked up his tray and turned. There was a roped off section in the far corner with a hand written sign, "FUNKYVILLE" propped up by the table. "Looks like we have assigned seats."

John stood next to him also holding his tray. "We could be butt heads about this..."

"Maybe later in the week. Right now I'm just tired," Rodney said as he walked over to the far table. There was a small note by each chair. "Hey Einstein," Rodney said loudly tossing the note aside. "There's no "p" in Vancouver."

"So what's this "pressing business" ?" John asked as they settled themselves down and the rest of the people tried to sit as far away from them as possible.

Rodney was having an awkward time eating a sandwich with a knife and fork. Anything to keep his hands away from his nose. He looked across at John, put the fork down and sighed. "I've got a lunch date, tomorrow, with Katie."

"So postpone it."

"I already cancelled last time because we had to go offworld. I guess that she hasn't heard what happened because when I tried to talk to her on the radio I got quote: "_Don't even think of cancelling again_" unquote."

"What were you planning ?"

"A picnic by the artificial lake."

"Oh that's not going to go well."

"You think ? I'm thinking that I'll forgo the picnic part."

"Yeah no point in giving her ammunition."

"Seriously. What do I do ?" Rodney said going for another forkful of sandwich.

**"**Keep a big bunch of flowers between you and her ?"

Rodney shrugged and sat back. "I guess it's worth a try."

"Now all we need is about four hundred rose bushes..."

oOo

_Tuesday: 1130 Atlantis time._

When Katie opened her door she was confronted by the biggest bunch of flowers that she had ever seen. And she'd seen a lot of flowers.

"Rodney ?" she said smiling.

Rodney moved the flowers aside to smile at her but he didn't come any closer and he didn't relinquish the bouquet either.

"Did you want to come in for a moment ?"

"Er, no," Rodney said. "Come with me. I've got someplace to show you."

"Well let me put the flowers in water then," she said reaching for them.

"Um, no," Rodney said stepping back. "Did you not hear what happened ?"

"I was sick on Sunday and stayed in my quarters yesterday," Katie said smiling. "That's why I didn't want to cancel. I had finally got over the stomach flu."

"Oh," Rodney said. "This probably isn't going to help."

"What ?"

"Let me show you the lake," Rodney said. "And I'll explain."

Rodney insisted on walking around to the artificial lake rather than use the transporter and he carefully kept the flowers between them as they walked. When they got to the lake area, however, she was suitably impressed. Rodney kept the waterfall running as they found a place to sit and talk.

Rodney explained what had happened on P36-799 up to and including them finding out that the base was out of solvent.

Katie smiled. "Oh dear," she said finally. "So where did you get all these flowers ?"

"Well I asked your lab tech Denise and she kinda pointed to the side and said that I could help myself to anything in that area."

"I really prefer it when flowers aren't cut. But under the circumstances...Let me see," she said taking the bouquet from him. "What did you choose...?"

She started to name the different flowers, noting her general approval. Then she pushed the outer ones aside to reveal a deep purple bloom in the center that had a very strong fragrance.

"Oh my God....Rodney. You picked the Floribundus Douburnia..."

Rodney peered down into the flowers. "That purple thing ?" he said. "Yeah it wasn't that pretty but it seemed to have a real strong scent. That's why I hid it in the middle."

"We've got to go to the Infirmary," Katie said getting to her feet and throwing the flowers down. "How long have you had that? Do you have a headache ?"

"Well yes actually I do. I thought it was the mixture of perfumes," Rodney said getting up and following her. "I don't understand. What's wrong ?"

"The Douburnia's scent is a warning. It's poisonous when picked. Carson has an antidote but we must hurry," she said running to the transporter.

Rodney started to follow her in and then stopped. "I don't think this is a good idea," he said swaying slightly.

"We have no choice," Katie said pulling him inside. "Oh my God," she said pinching her nose as the door closed. "I see what you mean," she said as her eyes watered and she tried to stop from gagging as Rodney hit the buttons and the transporter hummed.

Katie rushed out and Rodney followed behind her but at a distance trying to give her some space. By the time that he got to the Infirmary she was sitting on a bed with a nurse attaching an IV to her hand.

Carson pushed Rodney back towards the Isolation area. "That way," he said firmly as he held an IV bag and tubing in his hand.

Rodney sighed and walked to the back area. The Isolation room had an independent ventilation system and sealed doors. Rodney looked thoroughly dejected as Carson swiftly attached the IV and started the drip. "You can go when the IV's done and I've checked you over," he said as he headed back out to the main Infirmary. "You'll be fine. We caught it in plenty of time."

"Can I at least have a laptop ?" Rodney asked.

Carson passed him a computer trying not to get too close. "Now stay put," he said.

Rodney leaned back and opened the computer.

John entered the back room about half an hour later, as the IV was about finished.

"Hey," he said. "I heard that you were in here. What happened ?"

"This is all your fault, Sheppard," Rodney said closing the laptop.

"My fault ? How is this my fault ?"

"Bring flowers you said. Lots of flowers."

"Yeah, so...?"

"So I found this purple one with a strong smell..."

"Stronger than us ?"

"Hum yeah well it turned out to be toxic."

"Oh."

"And to finish it off we had to take a transporter here..."

"Oh. Close quarters, not good."

_"And_ I'm gonna have to get a hazmat team to get rid of the poison flowers so this fiasco will be all over the city by tonight."

"Speaking of scuttlebutt I've noticed that your scientists aren't razzing you anymore. How come ?"

Rodney looked serenely at John. "Well I guess I have the respect of my Department."

"Uh huh. Seriously. How did you do it ?"

"Well I might have given them some incentive..."

oOo

Radek read the notice on the bulletin board in the science department and he couldn't help but smile.

Rodney had written it with a large red marker and it dominated the board.

I AM OF THE OPINION THAT IT WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT IDEA TO SEND A SCIENCE TEAM TO P36-799 TO DOCUMENT THE HIEROGLYPHS ON THE ANCIENT BUILDING. ANYONE WANTING TO BE A PART OF THIS EXPEDITION PLEASE INDICATE YOUR WILLINGNESS TO PARTICIPATE BY CONTINUING TO LAUGH AND POINT EVERY TIME THAT I PASS. MCKAY.

oOo

To be continued.....

Tag Tenshi you're it ;D (happy Wednesday)  
love some reviews

debbie


	64. Funky Week 4: Thursday

**Disclaimer:**Yeah whatever

OK . For all of you who have been following (and hopefully enjoying) our "Monkey" saga: The muse will...not...die... ;D

For those trying to keep this straight (Good luck with that by the way ;D)

1st chapter:Rodney's Really Bad Days (RRBD) chapter #45 "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"  
2nd chapter:John's Really Bad Days (JRBD) chapter #14 "Rodney's Revenge"  
3rd chapter:RRBD chapter #51 "Buttons"  
4th chapter:JRBD chapter #19 "Monkey Madness"  
5th chapter: RRBD chapter #58 "Buttons Returns"  
6th chapter: JRBD chapter #21 "The Revenge Of Buttons"  
7th chapter: RRBD chapter #61 "Stuck In The Middle" (The Funk Begins...)  
8th chapter JRBD chapter #25 "Funky Week 1:Monday"  
9th chapter RRBD chapter #63 "Funky Week 2: Monday/Tuesday"  
10th chapter JRBD chapter #28 "Funky Week 3:Wednesday"

ps: for clarity on "the lake" mentioned in chapter 9/63 refer to RRBD chapter #60 "Payback"

_And now we continue with a very, very, bad week for our two heroes...  
__(And a long week for everyone else ;D)_

**Funky Week 4: Thursday.**

_(Or how to be exiled to air out and come back smelling even worse...)_

_Thursday 0800 hours Atlantis Time.  
__The Main Conference Room._

"Do ya have ta keep walkin' around ?" Carson asked wheeling his chair to the side.

Rodney stopped and glared at him and raised his cup. "I was getting a cup of coffee," he said walking back to his chair and sitting down. "And since I haven't as yet mastered the art of telekinesis, yes I do."

"Maybe we should just sit over by the coffee pot," John suggested. "Of course then no one else would get any." While Rodney was getting more and more infuriated with the situation John was determined to have _some_ fun at everyone elses expense.

Elizabeth and Teyla walked in smiling. They stayed over by the open doorway however.

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth said sitting down. "This is um awkward..."

"I have a shipment of medical supplies that needs to be taken to the Athosian settlement on the mainland," Carson said.

"O...K...," John said. " So ?"

"We would like you and Rodney to take it there," Elizabeth continued.

Rodney and John looked at each other and shrugged.

"And then stay there a while," she added.

"But not at the settlement," Teyla said.

"Aye they're our allies you know," Carson said smiling.

"Define "a while"," Rodney said leaning forward.

"Just a couple of days," Elizabeth said. "To let the city...er...air out."

"So we're being exiled ?"

"Well I wouldn't put it quite that way Rodney."

"Then how exactly would you put it Elizabeth ?" John asked sitting up.

"Well just look at it like a vacation for a day or so."

"For whom ?" Rodney asked.

"For us, laddie," Carson said laughing. "Look," he added more seriously. "I'm treating so many people for headaches that it's getting beyond a joke. We just need to vent the city for a wee while is all."

"The Jumper's been stocked with plenty of supplies," Elizabeth said. "And Teyla's is going to visit her people for a week or so. You could explore some of the mainland on the far side."

"As far away from people as possible ?" John said drily.

"Oh no no no no no no," Rodney said standing up. "This is so not fair..."

"But people are getting ill around you," Carson said.

"Ah come on Rodney," John said standing and going over to him. "It's just for a couple of days. I could use some fresh air."

Rodney sighed. "Fine," he said raising his hand. "But I want my laptop."

"Already packed."

"So we weren't being asked..." Rodney said with his hands on his hips.

"Cool it Rodney," John said. "Let's go."

oOo

They took off in silence and headed towards the mainland. Teyla was travelling in the rear compartment with the door between them sealed tight.

John glanced across at Rodney who was picking at his data padd. "Will you quit sulking ?" he said.

Rodney turned to face him."You didn't have to agree quite so cheerfully."

"There was no point in getting in a snit about it," John said. "And they did have a point."

"They could have been a little less insulting about it."

"Compared to some of the comments I've heard lately that was pretty mild actually," John said scratching his head.

"Hum. Well no one has been making many comments around me so I wouldn't know." Rodney turned back to his computer. "So where do you want to explore after we drop Teyla off ?"

"Well no one's been over past the mountains as far as I know. What say we go there ?"

"You're the pilot. I'm just along for the ride."

"No opinion ?"

"Oh I have plenty of opinions. But you know what I think of camping at the best of times so location doesn't really matter."

John shrugged. "So over the mountains it is then."

oOo

As they headed towards the mountains Rodney connected his computer to the console in front of him and then brought up the HUD. "There seems to be some old buildings indicated over that way," he said pointing at the display on the main screen. "No life signs of any kind but then we knew that."

"How come no one's checked it out before ?"

"Too busy with other stuff I guess. And too far away to interest the Athosians."

"Funny how we never check out the things on our own doorstep."

"Yeah hilarious."

"Oh you're not still upset at this are you ?"

"No. Yes. Well sort of," Rodney glanced across at him and went back to looking at his computer. "I don't mind checking stuff out so much but I want it to be my idea."

"Just as well that you're not in the military."

"Might as well be."

"Bet your pay's better."

"Yeah probably," Rodney said with a short laugh. "The building's over the next ridge. Slow down it's not like we're in a rush here."

"No but I'd like to get outside for a while."

"Oh. Et tu Brutus ?"

John smiled. "It's not just you, it's me too. How are you standing it ?"

Rodney pulled a small tub of menthol rub from his vest pocket. "Here," he said. "Try some of this up your nose."

"Gee thanks for telling me earlier," John said taking some and giving the tub back.

"It doesn't block it all. It just er helps a little."

John sniffed. "Hum. Mentholed crap. I see what you mean. There's the building," he said slowing down and starting to circle. "Can't see much of it for the foliage...What the...What was that ?"

"A really large energy pulse."

"I've lost power Rodney. We're going down..."

Rodney was frantically typing on his laptop. The HUD had fizzled out. "We've lost power, shields, cloak and dampeners. The whole array's down."

"What can you give me ?"

"Minimal steering. Better head for those trees over there."

"Oh crap !"

oOo

Rodney opened his eyes slowly and blinked in the sunlight. He groaned and raised one hand to his forehead.

"Easy," John said. "You got quite a hit to the head there."

Rodney turned his head slowly. "Oooh," he said. "Tell me that's not the Jumper."

About three inches of the rear right corner was sticking out of the marsh.

Rodney lifted his hand up and looked at it. "And please say that this is mud."

"Yeah it's mud. And that's the Jumper in the mud," John said as he sat next to him. He was caked with the ooze as well. "You did say to look for a soft landing," he said smiling.

Rodney propped himself up on his elbows. "Well that sure fit the criteria," he said.

"And any landing that you walk away from's a good one."

"I'll remind you of that when we're trying to salvage that thing," Rodney said as he sat up and held his head.

"Headache ?"

"Yeah."

"Well I did grab the medkit. Here," John handed him a couple of pain pills and a bottle of water which Rodney took without comment.

"What else did you get ?"

"You."

"Oh." Rodney reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a tube of candy. "Well I've got my glucose tabs with me," he said with a loud sneeze. "Got any antihistimine in there ?"

As they got up and got their bearings John pointed up at the sky. "Rain's coming," he said.

"Oh wonderful," Rodney said looking up at the approaching clouds. "Now I can get pneumonia too."

"Well there is one shelter nearby..." John said.

Rodney turned and looked at him. "The building that generated the pulse."

John shrugged. "It's either that or stay out in the rain. There's not much foliage at this time of year."

Rodney waved his hand in a sweeping gesture. "Then lead on. There's nothing out here anyway."

They walked for almost an hour and reached the building as the sky was beginning to get black with storm clouds.

Rodney pulled a hand held padd out of his vest pocket. "Well there's a minimal power reading," he said pulling the cover off the control pad. "Let me see if I can get this door open."

It only took Rodney a minute before the door slid noisily open. They ducked inside as the first raindrops started to fall. A flight of stairs led down into the building and lights set into the walls came on as they entered. "There's something down here," Rodney said holding the padd.

"Presumeably whatever knocked us out of the sky," John muttered.

"Hum, yes," Rodney answered as they reached the bottom of the stairs. "This way."

As they walked into the lab area Rodney slipped the padd back into his pocket and pulled up the display on the machine. "OK," he said after a few minutes of scanning the data while John tried to look interested. "The EM pulse was generated when we approached and was triggered by our ATA gene. As the zed p m reinitialized it sent out the overload as a pulse. I just need to...recalibrate..." He tapped rapidly on the control panel. "OK. Now it won't do that again. Now. Bad news...Although there's a zed p m it's been nearly depleted because it's been running, albeit at a low level, for thousands of years."

"And the good news ?"

"There's a working transmitter. I've already set it to broadcast an SOS. A rescue Jumper from Atlantis should be here in a couple of hours. Now let me see what else we have..."

"Rodney ! Oh my God ! Rodney we gotta go !" John said suddenly pulling on his sleeve.

"What ? Oh God..."

Despite his dislike of physical activity Rodney could move when he wanted to and he made it to the top of the flight of stairs just ahead of John.

"Get the door closed," John said as he ran outside.

"Already on it," Rodney said as the door closed.

It was too late for both of them however.

"Oh my God," John said trying to stay out of the rain.

Rodney stood in the doorway next to him, coughing and gagging. "A skunk !" he said loudly. "How the hell did a skunk get here ?"

"Well you should know."

"Me ? What have I got to do with...this ?" Rodney said fanning in front of his face with his hand. It wasn't helping.

"Remember that pair of skunks from the Biolab that you told Wilson to get rid of ?"

"Why that lazy little... He was supposed to return them to earth...But they were descented."

"The parents were..."

Rodney stared for a moment and then sighed. "Oh this is just great," he said sitting under the overhang out of the rain.

"At least this comes off with tomato juice."

"Do you realize what you smell like ?"

"Let me see," John said counting on his fingers. "Soap, shampoo, deoderant, cologne, menthol, monkey crap and now skunk. Did I miss anything McKay ?"

Rodney laughed suddenly. "No," he said shaking his head. "I think you got it all."

John sat down next to him. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the worlds..." he said and they both laughed.

oOo

Major Lorne landed the Jumper next to the building. He opened the back door and started to walk towards them but as John and Rodney reached the end of the ramp the Major's smile faded and he retreated back into the cockpit area reaching for the switch to close the door between the compartments.

John tapped his radio. "We're aboard thank you," he said sitting on the bench. "You can close the door now."

"Yes sir," Lorne replied as the door closed and they lifted off.

They were met in the Jumper bay by a team dressed completely in white hazmat gear.

"Oh funny," Rodney said as he stepped off the ramp. "Everyone's a comedian."

"I don't think they're joking Rodney," John said as they were ushered towards the decontamination chamber where several large containers of tomato juice were waiting...

oOo

About an hour later they went to the mess hall. John was feeling cantankerous by this stage so when they'd filled their trays they went to the table in the middle of the room and sat down.

"You know I've had to go through Decon before," Rodney said taking a bite of a muffin. "But never with tomato juice. That was totally embarrassing by the way."

"Yeah I know," John said. "Even worse than amorous pom pom monkeys." He scratched his head. "I'm still not sure I got all the tomato out," he added digging in his right ear with his finger. "How long until the Daedalus arrives ?"

"At least another two days. Maybe three."

"Assuming that it's not late."

"Oh don't even go there."

Elizabeth walked into the mess hall and stopped several feet away from them. She looked around at the empty room and then back at them. "Gentlemen," she said covering her nose with her hand.

Rodney folded his arms and tried to look indignant. Which wasn't easy in grey government issue sweats.

"Elizabeth," John said with a slight smile.

"Only you two," she said. "Could leave for the mainland to air out and come back smelling worse than you did when you left."

"That wasn't our fault," Rodney said.

Elizabeth held up her hand. "Why don't you save it for your report," she said. "This should be a doozy."

"This whole week's been a doozy," John said.

"Well how about you play nice and let some of the other personnel into the mess hall ?"

"We're not stopping them," Rodney said.

Elizabeth just looked at them. "Please ?" she said.

"Come on Rodney," John said getting up. "Let's go out on the pier and have a cold one. But it's because we _choose_ to," he added.

"Thank you," Elizabeth said as they left. She tapped her radio. "Better get some air freshener," she said waving her hand in front of her nose. "Not that it will help."

oOo

There we go Tenshi. You're up. You were just TOO nice with the last chapter ;D

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world..(she had to walk into mine)" was of course from "Casablanca".

love some reviews (as always) ;D  
debbie


	65. Funky Week 6: Sunday Afternoon

**Disclaimer:**Yeah whatever

OK . For all of you who have been following (and hopefully enjoying) our "Monkey" saga: The muse will...not...die... ;P

For those trying to keep this straight (Good luck with that by the way ;D)

1st chapter:Rodney's Really Bad Days (RRBD) chapter #45 "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"  
2nd chapter:John's Really Bad Days (JRBD) chapter #14 "Rodney's Revenge"  
3rd chapter:RRBD chapter #51 "Buttons"  
4th chapter:JRBD chapter #19 "Monkey Madness"  
5th chapter: RRBD chapter #58 "Buttons Returns"  
6th chapter: JRBD chapter #21 "The Revenge Of Buttons"  
7th chapter: RRBD chapter #61 "Stuck In The Middle" (The Funk Begins...)  
8th chapter JRBD chapter #25 "Funky Week 1:Monday"  
9th chapter RRBD chapter #63 "Funky Week 2: Monday/Tuesday"  
10th chapter JRBD chapter #28 "Funky Week 3:Wednesday"  
11th chapter RRBD chapter #64 "Funky Week 4:Thursday"  
12th chapter JRBD chapter #29 "Funky Week 5: Sunday"

ps: for clarity on "the lake" mentioned in chapter 9/63 refer to RRBD chapter #60 "Payback"

**Funky Week 6: Sunday Afternoon**

_Farewell to the funk..._

_Sunday 1300 hours. Atlantis time.  
__John's Quarters..._

John sat on his bed with his head in his hands. He felt sick to his stomach. Nothing had gone well this week and now a man was dead. Oh Carson had told him that it wasn't his fault but the fact remained that John cornering the man had been the deciding factor.

He looked up as the doorbell chimed.

"Come in Rodney," John called out without moving.

"How'd you know it was me ?" Rodney said coming in.

John sighed loudly. "I'm not getting many visitors at the moment," he said. "Aren't you supposed to be in your quarters ?"

"Yours or mine doesn't matter as long as we're away from the general population," Rodney replied sitting down. "Any news?"

John shook his head. "Not a peep from Caldwell and they're over two hours late."

"I'm not used to being so out of touch. So helpless," Rodney said with his head down and his arms resting on his knees. "How are you holding up ?" he added looking up at him. "About Burns, I mean."

John lifted his hand and waggled it in the air. "So, so," he said. "I'm still not convinced that it wasn't my fault."

"You had no way of knowing what would happen."

"That doesn't make me feel any better about it."

"Hum," Rodney didn't push the issue. John would deal with it on his own time. "Want a game of chess ?"

oOo

Colonel Steven Caldwell stood in front of his command chair, arms crossed, staring out of the window at the planet below.

"How long has the SOS been broadcasting ?" he asked without turning around.

"No way of telling, sir," Doctor Linda Bryant, their physicist, answered. "Could be a month or a thousand years, depending on the power source."

Caldwell sighed. "But no life signs ?"

"That doesn't mean that no one's alive down there, sir," she answered evenly. "The building could be shielded from our sensors."

"Very well," Caldwell said after a moment. "Assemble a team. Include a couple of medics and marine guards. Contact Atlantis and let them know that we'll be delayed. Whatever they're waiting on will have to wait a few more hours."

"There's interference on the subspace band from this system's sun, sir," the helmsman replied. "We won't be able to get a message through."

Caldwell turned to face the crew. "Then how did the SOS penetrate it ?" he asked.

"Because it wasn't a message, sir," Doctor Bryant said. "It's merely a beacon."

Caldwell nodded. "Then Atlantis will just have to wait," he said sitting down. "We're not carrying anything that can possibly be that urgent. Doctor McKay will have to wait for his jello."

oOo

"You're not concentrating," Rodney said moving his knight. "Checkmate."

"It's not like I normally win anyway Rodney," John said checking his watch.

"True but you usually give me a better challenge. And it's only been five minutes since you last checked the time."

"Where can they be ?"

"Why do people insist on asking me questions that I have no possibility of being able to answer ?"

"It was rhetorical Rodney."

"Rhetorically. No idea," Rodney said as he replaced the pieces on the board. "Would you rather watch a movie ?"

"I'd rather be _doing_ something," John said standing up. "This is so frustrating. I could just..."

"John ? Rodney ?"

John tapped his radio. "Yes Elizabeth."

"The Daedalus has arrived. Once they've transported the main supplies to the storeroom I'm having them transport some solvent directly to Rodney's quarters and the lemon to yours. We also want to keep some in stock just in case."

"Oh thank God," Rodney said running through the door and heading back to his quarters.

"Thank you Elizabeth," John said. "That's the best news that I've had all week."

"It's the best news that we've _all_ had all week. Your presence has been felt all over the city."

John smiled even though he knew that Elizabeth couldn't see him. "Hasn't exactly been a picnic for us either," he said.

"The er celebration will be in the mess hall in an hour. One more thing..."

"Yes Elizabeth ?"

"Doctor Wilson's team was wondering if you or Rodney knew what happened to all the tomato juice..."

oOo

When John arrived at the mess hall the party had already started. As he stood in the doorway Rodney made his way through the crowd to meet him. He looked really happy for the first time in over a week.

"Isn't this great ?" he said handing John a piece of cake. It looked like a birthday design, not that that mattered. When supplies took three to six weeks to arrive you learned to adapt. "Finally around people again," Rodney continued. "No offence."

"None taken. I thought you weren't a people person," John said taking a bite of cake as they walked into the room.

"I'm not. But that doesn't mean that I want to be a social pariah either. And I want access to my lab."

"Yeah well it is nice to be able to talk to someone else for a while," John said. "No offence."

"None taken."

They grinned at each other and moved to opposite sides of the room.

About thirty minutes later John's radio beeped. He tapped it. "Sheppard."

"I'm sorry to disturb you, sir," Major Lorne said. "But we have a situation by the storage area."

"I'll be right there."

oOo

A sheet covered the body of the marine as John and Major Evan Lorne waited for Carson.

"He was on routine sentry duty. You know, sir. Busy work. Stopping people getting into the supplies before they get distributed. Just a babysitting shift," Lorne added looking down at the soldiers body looking distressed.

"Who found him ?"

Lorne gestured towards a marine standing at the end of the hallway. "Johnson there. When he came to relieve him at sixteen hundred hours."

Carson came up the hallway. "Sorry it took me a wee while. I had to go and get my kit from the Infirmary." He put his bag down, knelt next to the body and lifted the corner of the sheet. "Ugh," he said. "Well I won't know for certain until I do the autopsy of course. But judging from that slash across his throat and the amount of blood that's the probable cause of death. And recent by the body temperature. Less than an hour." He pulled his gloves off and put them in his bag. "I'll let you know if I find anything different," he said.

"Thank you," John said as they left Carson in the hallway waiting for his team and walked into the storage room. "Anything missing ?"

"Not as far as I can tell, sir," Lorne replied. "But then I haven't had time to do a full inventory yet."

"Do so, Major," John said. "I'm going to check the CCTV log. Let me know if anything's missing."

"Yes sir."

After about an hour of trying to review the logs and not having much success John called Rodney.

"McKay."

"I need you Rodney," he said.

"Excuse me ?"

"In the main science lab. There seems to be something wrong with the camera log."

"What are you doing there ?"

"A marine's been murdered."

"On my way."

oOo

"There is nothing wrong with the log," Rodney said. He was sitting in the main science lab checking a data stream on his laptop. He leaned back in his chair. "No one has tampered with the data. What you see is what you got."

"But there's no one there Rodney."

"Not that we can see."

"You mean they're cloaked ?"

"Look at this," Rodney said freezing the image. "The supply room door opens and then...er..."

"Campbell."

"Yes, Campbell ...um... was attacked."

"What are you saying Rodney ?"

"It looks like someone or something transported down to the city with the supplies from the Daedalus. And they're invisible..."

oOo

Colonel Caldwell sat at the head of the conference table. "So you're saying that we transported someone or something up from the planet's surface."

"It appears that way Colonel," Elizabeth said.

"But there was nothing there except the beacon."

"Nothing that you could see," Rodney said sitting forward.

"So someone used us to get to Atlantis ?"

"I don't believe so," Rodney said. "According to your log it was a general distress beacon. Not aimed at anyone in particular."

"So they just hopped a ride on the first ship that showed up which happened to be the Daedalus," John said. "And finding Atlantis was just a bonus ?"

"Right. At least they weren't on the return leg to earth."

"So what can we do about it ?" Caldwell asked.

"Can we make him visible ?" John added.

"I've been thinking about that," Rodney said. "If I modify the wave output of one of our naquadah generators so that it generates a high frequency magnetic field. Of course I'll have to keep it between four hundred and seven hundred nanometers... Then that should excite the phase particles enough on the cloaking device to bring it into our visible light spectrum. Now it won't have much of a range unless I can find a way of patching it through the city's transmitters..."

"So that's a yes ?" John interrupted.

"Hum. Yes I think so."

"How long will that take ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well the generator wasn't designed for a sustained output at that frequency..."

"Doctor..." Caldwell muttered.

"Give me an hour," Rodney said getting up.

oOo

Almost exactly an hour later John met up with Rodney in the larger main science lab. Rodney had moved most of the tables to one side and was working at a single table in the center. A naquadah generator was sitting in the middle of the table. Rodney was hunched over a device attached to it that was about a meter in length and covered in lights and dials.

"How's it coming Rodney ?" John asked as Ronon followed him inside.

"Nearly there," Rodney replied. "I just have a few more adjustments and then we can give it a try."

"I've got teams stationed throughout the city. They've been briefed on the situation and they're armed with stunners."

Ronon leaned up against the doorway. He was fidgeting with his blaster. Anxious to be doing something.

"OK," Rodney said straightening up. "Now there's no guarantee that this will work. I'm estimating the frequency assuming that it's ancient technology."

"And if it's not ?" Ronon asked.

Rodney shrugged. "Then I'll have to recalibrate," he said. "Now if this works we still might not be able to see him clearly. The frequency on the generator modulates, albeit minutely, and that will not be conducive to a clear image. And as I said, it might not work anyway..."

"Rodney..." John said.

"Right." Rodney turned to the generator and switched it on. "I'm gonna start it at half power...OK it's transmitting through the city's systems..."

John tapped his radio. "The transmitter has been engaged," he said. He waited for a moment for his teams to have a chance to answer. "Control room do you see anything ?"

"Nothing here, sir," Major Lorne replied. "No one's near the gate."

"Are you sure it's working ?" John asked.

"No," Rodney said. "As I said I'm only guessing at the frequency here. Let me try it at full power," he added turning the dial on the top of the generator.

The device started to hum.

"Whoa," Rodney said as a figure shimmered into view right next to him. It was clearly a man but was flickering and unclear. Rodney turned away instinctively as a knife flashed and he grunted in pain as the blade was plunged into his back.

The assailant moved quickly and he pulled Rodney's attachment from the generator and broke it on the ground rendering him invisible again.

Red flashes from Ronon's weapon streaked across the lab along with blue beams from the stunner that John was using. John accidently hit Rodney with a stun beam and he slumped to the floor unconscious.

After a few adrenaline filled moments they stopped firing.

"Did we get him ?" Ronon asked.

"I don't know," John said from where he was sprawled on the floor. "Rodney !" he yelled moving over to him. "Damn," he said seeing the knife protruding from his back. John tapped his radio. "I need a medical team to the main science lab. Rodney's been stabbed," he said quickly. He looked across at Ronon who seemed to be trying to listen. "Do you have that on stun ?"

Ronon glanced at his gun and flipped a switch on the handle. "Sure," he said turning his head. "Can't hear anythin'. We either got him or he got out. There are too many exits," he added.

"Hum," John said getting to his feet and moving away from Rodney as Carson and his team came rushing in with a gurney. "We'll check the floor in a minute," he added. "Just in case..."

oOo

John leaned on the desk next to Radek Zelenka as he sat at his computer.

"How's Rodney ?" Radek asked.

"Carson said that the surgery went well but that he's still critical. We'll know more by tomorrow. Right now I want to see what we're dealing with here. Can you get anything from the camera feed ?"

"I have an image," Radek said. "But it's fragmented. Not very clear."

"Can you enhance it at all ?"

"Perhaps..." Radek tapped on the keyboard, his brows furrowed in concentration. "There...Oh...Oh no..."

John frowned as he stared at the screen.

When Radek enhanced the image the figure of a man appeared on the screen. He was glaring up at the camera, challenging them.

"Michael," John said.

oOo

_to be continued....._

Love some reviews ;D

debbie


	66. Michael

**Disclaimer:** the usual

_Previously...Read chapter #65 (seriously)_

John leaned on the desk next to Radek Zelenka as he sat at his computer.

"How's Rodney ?" Radek asked.

"Carson said that the surgery went well but that he's still critical. We'll know more by tomorrow. Right now I want to see what we're dealing with here. Can you get anything from the camera feed ?"

"I have an image," Radek said. "But it's fragmented. Not very clear."

"Can you enhance it at all ?"

"Perhaps..." Radek tapped on the keyboard, his brows furrowed in concentration. "There...Oh...Oh no..."

John frowned as he stared at the screen.

When Radek enhanced the image the figure of a man appeared on the screen. He was glaring up at the camera, challenging them.

"Michael," John said.

_And now the conclusion...._

**Michael.**

Radek sat staring at the screen wide eyed.

"Radek," John said. "Go to the control room and remove the main control crystal from the DHD. I don't want him gating offworld."

"Right," Radek replied getting up.

John tapped his radio as he left the lab heading for Elizabeth's office. "Lorne," he said. "I'm suspending all gate activity and transports to or from the Daedalus. Organize search teams, three to a team. We're looking for Michael."

"Yes sir."

"And post a guard by Doctor McKay in the Infirmary. As close to his bedside as Carson will let you."

"Yes sir."

Elizabeth looked up and smiled as John entered her office but her smile faded when she saw the look on his face. "What is it John ?" she asked.

"We've got trouble," he replied.

oOo

Michael was angry. The plan to get into Atlantis undetected had gone so smoothly until the guard at the storage room had been alert enough to be standing in the doorway when he'd tried to get out. The personal cloak would only run for a few hours at a time before it needed to be turned off so that the light sensitive cells could recharge the battery. Even now he was going to have to hurry to find a place to hide away from those accursed cameras. He shouldn't have stayed in the lab for so long. He silently cursed McKay and also Ronon who'd almost beheaded him with one of his blasts. The cloak flickered as the power diminished and a passing scientist turned his head as Michael ran past. He didn't look back. The cloak would fail soon and he had to find a place to hide...

oOo

"So now you're saying that we were targeted ?" Colonel Caldwell said leaning forward in his chair with his elbows resting on the conference table.

"It appears that way," Elizabeth said, her hands clasped together in front of her. "However Michael ended up on that planet it is probable that he was trying to get back here."

"And he knew that we'd investigate a distress beacon," Caldwell said.

"Well at least now we know who we're dealing with," John said.

"Better the devil you know Colonel ?"

"Precisely, sir. I've suspended all gate activity and had Radek pull the control crystal to make sure that we keep him contained," John said. "I've also ordered that the Daedalus not use the transporter until further notice," he added.

Colonel Caldwell glared at him briefly but then relaxed. John let out the breath that he'd been holding. He didn't want to get in a confrontation with him.

"So how can I be of help ?" Caldwell said after a pause.

"Perhaps you could help organize the search teams," Elizabeth said. "So that Colonel Sheppard could work with Doctor McKay when he recovers consciousness. Which will be soon according to Carson."

"Very well," Caldwell said.

"I told you we should've just killed him," Ronon said.

"Well we can't do much about that right now," John said. "Just get with Colonel Caldwell and lead one of the search parties. And keep your weapon on stun. Since we can't see our target I don't want anyone else hurt."

"I don't miss," Ronon said standing up and walking out.

"He'll be fine," John said with a lopsided smile. "If you need me I'll be in the Infirmary."

oOo

John was surprised to find Rodney sitting up in the bed. He'd already acquired a laptop and was busy searching through the CCTV logs in hopes of catching a glimpse of Michael and gaining a clue as to where he was hiding. John nodded at the guard at the foot of the bed as he passed and Rodney looked up at him and smiled briefly.

"You're looking better than I thought you would," John said stopping by the bed where he could see the computer screen.

"Yeah I lucked out. Deflected off a rib or something. Hurts like hell but didn't go as deep as it could have. Carson said that I can leave this afternoon if I don't overdo it."

"I'm still keeping a guard with you."

"Whatever," Rodney said. "But can you tell Mopsy here..."

"Cotton, sir," the marine said.

Rodney just waved his hand in the air. "That I don't need a personal escort all the way into the bathroom. Personal space and all that."

"It's for your protection Rodney."

"Really ? You think that...?"

"Well you are a threat to him. You know for a genius you do miss the obvious sometimes."

Rodney looked at him wide eyed for a moment. "Well can he at least wait outside ?"

John nodded at the marine. "Found anything ?" he asked gesturing at the screen.

Rodney shook his head. "I've been checking the video feed since the incident last night in the lab. There _was_ one thing..." He stopped and pulled up a view of one of the hallways and froze the image. "Right here there's a flicker, see ?" He slowly advanced the video. "It could be losing power. He's probably gone to ground to let it recharge."

"Recharge ?"

"Yeah. Just like any other cloak or shield you can't run it for any length of time without draining the power. Of course the length of time depends on your power source but I bet he's hiding somewhere away from the sensors and the CCTV."

"That's still a large area Rodney."

"I know but I have no way of narrowing it down. He won't show up on the LSD either."

"Not even the hand held ones ?"

"Not in a shielded area. Unless you get real close."

"OK so we confine non essential personnel to their quarters and do a manual search then."

"And when Carson releases me I'll fix the transmitter on the generator. Now that I've got some data on it I should be able to refine the wavelength so as to expose him, if you see what I mean."

"What we need is something to drive him out."

Rodney clicked his fingers. "Ooh," he said. "I have an idea. Since he's still part wraith there are some sound frequencies that they're sensitive to that won't affect us. Primarily in the upper bands. If I piggyback it through the city systems along with the magnetic field band....There are speakers everywhere. He won't be able to get away from it anywhere in the city."

"And it won't affect us ?"

"Some people might get a headache but it should drive him insane...or more insane depending on how you look at it."

"Great that will give us an edge. I'm sick of him holding all the cards."

"Soon as Carson frees me from this," Rodney said holding up his left hand where the IV was attached. "I'll get right on it."

oOo

Later that afternoon John caught up with Rodney in his lab. "How are you doing ?" he asked.

"Hurts to breathe," Rodney said straightening up in his chair. He started to stretch and then thought better of it and hunched back down. "I've almost got the transmitter repaired. It'll take about another hour for me to piggyback the audio onto the carrier wave."

"Don't overdo it," John said. "I know this is urgent but it won't help anyone if you end up back in the Infirmary."

"I promise that I'll rest when this is done. Search and destroy detail is more your and Ronon's department anyway."

"Yeah once we flush him out then Ronon will be able to track him down."

"Like I said, your department not mine. Now do you have something that you can go and do so that I can finish this ?"

"I'll get with Caldwell and organize the search teams so that they're in position when you're ready."

"Uh huh," Rodney replied waving him away.

John took the hint and left nodding at Cotton on his way out.

About ten minutes later Rodney was vaguely aware of a noise from behind him. "Quiet," he said impatiently. "This is delicate work."

"Oh he won't be making any more noise Doctor McKay."

Rodney spun around. He was face to face with Michael. Cotton lay sprawled on the ground and Michael was holding the marine's nine millimeter handgun pointed directly at Rodney's face. Rodney swallowed hard as Michael stepped up close to him, pulled him to his feet and jammed the muzzle of the weapon under his chin tilting his head back.

"Time to disappear," MIchael said tapping an emblem on a chain around his neck.

With a shimmer they both faded from sight.

oOo

Rodney sat in a corner of the room in the unexplored part of the city with his hands zip tied in front of him with a tie from his own lab. Michael had forced him along the deserted hallways at gunpoint. With everyone confined to quarters there weren't many people around. A couple of times one of the search teams passed by them. Once they were close enough that if Rodney had stretched out his hand he could have touched them. Each time Michael had pressed the gun harder against his throat as if daring him to try something and each time Rodney had stayed quiet.

Now Michael had switched off the cloak and he was standing in front of him with a sneer on his face. He held the gun loosely in his hand holding it up as if to admire it. "This is a clumsy weapon," he said. "Yet effective." He crouched down in front of Rodney. "Where's Teyla ?" he asked firmly.

Rodney laughed. Michael backhanded him across the face with the gun. "I do not recall making a joke, Doctor McKay," he said, eyes blazing.

Rodney shook his head. The right side of his face was throbbing and blood was dribbling from a cut on his lip. "She isn't in the city," he said. "She left days ago."

Michael grabbed him by his shirt. "You lie," he snarled.

"No," Rodney said. "No I'm not. You'd be able to tell anyway, I'm a terrible liar. I can't even play a game of poker."

Michael pushed him away in frustration and stood up.

"Don't tell me that's why you came here."

"Don't be ridiculous. But my original plan required that I remain undetected until my ship and men arrived," Michael said glaring at him and pacing around.

"Then why did you kill the guard ? We didn't know that you were here before that."

"The fool blundered into me. I had no choice."

Rodney thought otherwise but he didn't want to antagonize him any more so he stayed quiet.

"Well Doctor McKay. It seems that your only use to me now is to help me escape."

"Oh really. And what makes you think that I will help you ?"

"Oh you're of more help than you realize," Michael said smiling. A shiver ran down Rodney's spine as Michael took a syringe full of an amber liquid from his pocket and held it up to the light.

oOo

John went into the lab looking for Rodney. He had called both him and PFC Cotton on the radio with no response and he had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

His worst fears were confirmed when he opened the lab door and found the marine's body. He checked the man's neck but he was cold. He had been dead for a while.

Rodney's radio was on the table next to his tools. John went over and picked it up. "Damn," he said softly.

After he called Carson about the marine he switched channels. "Lorne," he said. "Bring your team and meet me in the gateroom."

oOo

When Michael and Rodney shimmered into view in the gateroom every gun turned towards them. John had Major Lorne and his team lined up in front of the gate and by the DHD control panel to prevent Michael getting close undetected.

Michael had the syringe jabbed deep into Rodney's throat and he was standing behind him holding it with his thumb on the plunger. No one moved. Not even Ronon who was itching to fire.

John stepped forward to face him.

"Colonel Sheppard," Michael said calmly.

"Michael," John said keeping a stunner aimed at him. "You can't escape."

"This is a poison of my own creation. I doubt that even Doctor Beckett would be able to manufacture an antidote before Doctor McKay dies a very painful death. Let me pass and I will free him."

"You OK Rodney ?" John asked noting the bruise on the scientist's face.

"So far," Rodney replied. His hands were still bound in front of him.

"Move your men Colonel Sheppard or he dies," Michael said watching John intently.

"I say we stun him and take the antidote from his body," Ronon said.

"Do you really think that I have it on me ?" Michael said. "Perhaps you doubt my resolve." He flipped a thin bladed knife open in his left hand and plunged it into Rodney's side up to the hilt.

Rodney cried out in pain and flinched.

"Well Colonel ?" Michael asked pulling the knife back out but still holding the syringe in place. "I am not afraid to die but I will take Doctor McKay with me."

John moved to the side and signalled for the marines to move too, which they did.

Michael moved close to the gate but to the side away from the center, pulling Rodney with him. "Dial P37839," he said.

John tapped his radio. "Radek. Replace the crystal and dial the gate." He was watching Rodney who was holding his left arm to his side as best he could his eyes closed in pain.

The chevrons started to light up as Radek hit the buttons. As the last one was dialled the wormhole formed and the vortex spewed out.

Michael pulled Rodney in front of the gate.

"This isn't over Michael," John said. "Let him go."

"Or you'll what ? Hunt me down ?"

"Something like that yes."

"If he won't I will," Ronon said.

Michael smiled and then pushed the plunger in on the syringe. With a twist of his hand he broke the needle off in Rodney's neck.

Rodney cried out in pain and fell forward as Michael released him. John ran forward catching Rodney before he hit the ground. Michael stepped through the event horizon as the marines fired their stunners dropping a small vial of liquid onto the ground as he left. The wormhole shut down immediately after he passed through.

Carson tapped his radio as he ran down the stairs from his vantage point in the control room. "I need that gurney to the gateroom, stat," he said sharply. He knelt down next to Rodney. "Keep his head and neck still," he said to John. "If that needle moves it could shoot up into his brain. It's real close to the carotid artery. I've got to get him to surgery quickly to remove it."

As the medical team rushed in and took over Lorne handed the vial to John. "I think Michael gave us the antidote," John said standing up.

"I hope so but it'll be a moot point if that needle shifts. Easy laddie," Carson said as they lifted Rodney onto the gurney and they wheeled him towards the Infirmary. John handed the vial to Carson who slipped it into his labcoat pocket as he left.

John rubbed his hand through his hair.

"Do you want us to follow him, sir ?" Lorne asked.

"You'd better although I suspect that he just gated to another location. Don't spend too much time looking, I'm sure that he's already left."

"Yes sir," Lorne said turning away.

"We should've shot him," Ronon said.

"The next time that I see him I will," John replied as he headed towards Elizabeth's office.

oOo

About three hours later, when Carson came out of the OR, John was sitting in the waiting room by the Infirmary.

"We won't know for a wee while yet," Carson said. "It depends if that was the antidote. For all I know I just gave him more of the poison but I had no choice," he added. " he was crashing on me."

"When will you know ?" John asked.

"Well he came through the surgery all right and I got that damned needle out. That scared me. If it had moved even a fraction..." he sighed. "As for the antidote I won't know for certain until I've finished running the blood tests. But he's still alive and that's a good sign. It'll be a few hours before we know anything. I'll call ya."

"I'd just as soon wait if that's all right," John said sitting back down.

Carson nodded. "OK laddie. I'll be back out in a wee while."

John picked up a magazine and flipped idly through it. _"We need some new ones," _he thought tossing it aside , leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes.

oOo

Rodney opened his eyes slowly. He blinked in the light and moved his hand up to his eyes. Carson noticed the movement and walked over to him.

"Take it easy," he said. "How'd ya feel ?"

"Like a Jumper just landed on my head," Rodney said squinting at him. "And my throat's dry as a bone."

"I'll get you some ice. Are ya hurtin' ?"

"Yeah."

"I'll get you somethin' for that too." When he walked away Rodney heard him talk to someone behind him. "Ya can see him for a few minutes, no more."

John walked to his bedside. "Hey," he said.

Rodney raised his hand in a brief wave. "How long...?"

"Since yesterday. It's Tuesday afternoon. How are you feeling ?"

"Sore. Did he get away ?"

"Yeah," John said. "This time..."

oOo

I was challenged way back in September to do a "Michael kidnaps Rodney" story and it finally sorta happened.  
Let me know what you think - as always I love reviews ;D

debbie

FYI: The Mopsy comment was from "Flopsy,Mopsy and Cottontail" by Beatrix Potter


	67. The Carrier

**Disclaimer:** yeah whatever

Just something a little different (at least from the last few chapters ;D)

**The Carrier.**

"This is so not my fault !"

"Yes Rodney I know that," John said as he sat on one of the beds in their cell.

"I told you not to flirt with her."

"Look how was I supposed to know that the leader was her brother. Besides. She started it."

"Yeah and he finished it," Ronon said. "We could've taken 'em," he added.

"Not without much bloodshed," Teyla said from the cell opposite.

"Yeah so ?" Ronon said.

Teyla frowned at him through the bars separating them.

A man walked up the hallway carrying a tray. He took one bowl from the tray and slid it under the door to Teyla's cell. Then he slid the tray with the other three bowls under the other door.

"Afternoon," John said smiling. "Or not," he added as the man ignored him and walked away.

Rodney picked up one of the bowls. "About time," he said. "What _is_ this ?" he added poking at it with the spoon.

"Looks like oatmeal," John said looking down.

"Yeah but what's those bits in it ?"

"If they've got legs it's protein," Ronon said without checking.

"What ?...eeww," Rodney dropped the spoon into the bowl and put it down. Frowning, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his glucose tablets. "They could've waited until after lunch to arrest us," he said popping one into his mouth.

John reached into one of his vest pockets. "What say we blow this joint ?" he said pulling out some detonators and a small block of C4.

"We need to get our stuff back," Ronon said patting his empty holster.

"Does anyone know what they did with them ?" Teyla asked.

"I can help there," Rodney said pulling his laptop from the back of his vest. "Fortunately they didn't know that I have this." He opened the lid and waited for it to boot up. "I can't trace the P90's but I should be able to scan for the energy readings from my padd and Ronon's blaster. I've been wanting to test out this program," he added sitting on the other bed and tapping on the keyboard.

John peered over Rodney's shoulder as a scan of the castle appeared on his screen.

"This is easier since they're technologically backward," Rodney said. "No interference from any of their stuff. Here," he pointed at the screen. "Up a floor to the ground level and off the main hall."

"Can you scan for lifesigns with that ?" John asked. "Let us know where the guards are ?"

"Sure let me recalibrate. Radek and I incorporated a small scanner into my machine. Of course it doesn't have a very big range. Anyhow it was incredibly complicated miniaturizing it and merging it with our technology but..." he looked up at John. "You really don't care do you ?"

"Not at all, McKay," Ronon said. "Just make it work."

"What he means is that we'd love to hear about it later Rodney," Teyla said.

"I know what he means," Rodney said. "There. There are just three on the upper level. Oh that's interesting..."

"What ?" John asked.

"There are several cells down here but apart from us there's only one other prisoner and they're all the way down at the end."

"Why so far away ?"

"Precisely," Rodney said closing his laptop and replacing it in it's case on his back.

John broke off a small piece of the C4 and stuffed it into the lock to their cell. He added a detonator and a timed fuse. "Get back," he said unneccessarily as they all moved to the back of the cell.

With a small noise and flash of light the explosive broke the lock and the door swung open. John repeated the procedure with the door to Teyla's cell and she joined them in the narrow hallway between the cells.

As Ronon and Teyla started to go towards the stairs John headed in the opposite direction.

"Where are you going ?" Rodney said following him. "Is this a good idea ? It might be somebody incredibly dangerous."

"Then I won't open the door," John said.

The cell at the end of the hallway had a solid wooden door instead of the open bars of the other cells. A wooden flap was at head height. John reached for it.

"Careful," Rodney said.

John nodded and opened the flap. "It's a young girl," he said stepping back so that Rodney could look.

She looked to be about twelve years old and was sitting on a wooden cot opposite the door looking out of the single window. She turned her head to look at the door as they opened the panel. Her long brown hair was unbrushed and hung loosely across her shoulders. She was dressed in a simple white tunic with a broad red stripe running from her neck to the hem. It barely hid the thinness of her frame.

John broke off a piece of C4 and stuffed it into the lock.

"We should not interfere," Teyla said touching him on his arm.

"She's a kid. She can't have done anything to warrant her being isolated like this," John said pulling away from her.

"Oh I don't know," Rodney said. "How old were Lyle and Erik Menendez...Just saying," he added wide eyed as John glared at him.

"Make up your mind," Ronon said. "They'll be checking on us soon."

"My mind is made up," John said. "Stand back." He opened the panel again. "There's gonna be a noise," he said as the girl stared at him. "We're getting you out of here. Just stay back." He set off the fuse and moved up the hallway away from the door. There was a small bang and puff of smoke and the door opened. John walked up to it and pulled it the rest of the way open. "Come on," he said reaching towards her. "McKay. Keep an eye on her," he said running past.

"How come I have to babysit ?" Rodney said as he followed with the girl walking beside him.

"Would you rather tackle the guards ?" Ronon asked from the foot of the stairs.

"Here's good."

Ronon led the way up the narrow staircase followed by John, Teyla and then Rodney and the girl.

There was the sound of a brief fight from the top of the stairs.

"Come on," Ronon said from the top of the stairway.

Rodney followed behind them with the girl keeping so close to him that she kept her hand on his shoulder. He wanted to move her away but she seemed scared so he tolerated it. By the time that he reached the hallway at the top Ronon had retrieved their equipment and John and Teyla were checking the door.

"Here," Ronon said handing Rodney his handgun and data padd.

"Thanks," Rodney replied slipping the gun in it's holster and the padd into his vest pocket.

"Seems clear," John said. "Let's go."

They moved carefully across the deserted compound. John and Teyla followed by Rodney and the girl with Ronon bringing up the rear.

When they were on the road a way from the settlement they slowed down to a walk.

"They were in the houses," Ronon said. "But no one would come out."

"Yeah," John said. "I noticed that."

"They seemed almost afraid," Teyla said.

"Yeah well Ronon has that effect on people," Rodney added.

"Maybe," John said. "I'm not so sure. I think there was something else."

"Like they were letting us escape you mean ?" Rodney asked.

"It was kinda easy," John said.

"And nothing's allowed to be easy is that it ?" Rodney said.

Suddenly as they turned the corner, about fifteen of the men from the village blocked their path. John and Teyla raised their P90s. Ronon raised his blaster and Rodney stayed behind them shielding the girl.

"We don't want any trouble," John said. "We just want to leave."

After a few moments the leader spoke to the other men in the group. "Let them go," he said. "They have the girl. They are dead anyway."

Without another word they left the path and disappeared into the trees.

"Wha...what did they mean...dead anyway ?" Rodney asked.

"I don't know," John said. "And I don't aim to stay around and find out."

When the men had gone the girl pulled away from Rodney and sprinted up the path away from the gate.

"Hey !" Rodney yelled reaching for her and stepping forward.

"Let her go," John said. "She's probably going home."

"Kinda ungrateful," Rodney said.

"She seemed frightened," Teyla said.

"Well we're almost at the gate," John said.

"About time," Rodney added. "It's meatloaf tonight."

"How can you eat that stuff ?" John asked shaking his head.

"I like it," Ronon said.

"My point exactly," John replied.

oOo

Rodney woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. He reached over and silenced the alarm. He lay staring at the ceiling trying to decide if there was anything that he had to get up for. Just then his radio chirped. Rodney groaned and reached over and picked it up, hooking it on his ear. "McKay," he said.

"Morning," John said cheerfully. "Ready for a run ?"

"A _what_ ?"

"Did you forget ? It's part of the new training. We talked about it the other night. No excuses. I'll be there in ten minutes."

He turned his radio off before Rodney could answer. He sat up and turned putting his feet on the floor. He squinted at the clock. Six am. He vaguely remembered the conversation but didn't remember agreeing to it. Probably answered without listening.

As he got up he felt momentarily dizzy. He knew that John wuldn't take no for an answer so he forced himself to the bathroom to splash water on his face.

By the time that John arrived Rodney was pulling a T-shirt over his head. "Come in," he said as the door chimed. "It's open."

John came bouncing in looking, well, bouncy. "Morning," he said grinning.

"Is it ?" Rodney replied.

"Jeeze Rodney you look like crap."

"Thank you."

"You know if you feel bad you should've said. I would have let you sleep."

"Really ?"

"No," John said grinning and slapping him on the shoulder. "Come on it'll make you feel better."

"I wouldn't bet on it."

oOo

"I'm not going any further and you can't make me," Rodney said gasping for breath. He was sitting on a step on one of the main stairways with his elbows on his knees and his head down. "I'm not kidding. I wouldn't move for the Queen herself. My head hurts, I ache all over and I think I'm running a temperature," he added holding his hand against his forehead.

John leaned against the wall with his hands on his thighs. Truthfully, he didn't feel that great either. "_Knew I shouldn't have eaten the meatloaf_," he thought. "OK," he said. "What say we go to the mess hall and get some breakfast."

Rodney looked up at him suspiciously. "No strings ?" he said. "I don't have to do another lap or anything ?"

"Well it is up another level."

"OK," Rodney said getting up slowly. "But I'm not running it."

"Seriously Rodney," John said walking beside him. "You need to get fitter. What if something happens and the transporters go down ?"

"Never happen. And if it does I'll send Radek."

oOo

Rodney sat at the table and pushed the eggs around with his fork. He was sitting propping his head up with the other hand looking half asleep.

John was worried. This didn't look like he was just tired. Rodney really didn't look well. He was beginning to regret forcing him to exercise. "Are you OK ?" he asked. "Did you sleep at all last night ?"

Rodney looked up at him. "I slept. I just don't feel like it," he said.

"Come on," John said standing up. "I'm taking you to the Infirmary."

"Is this necessary ?" Rodney said as they left. "I just want to go back to bed. Carson will want blood..."

"Stop being such a baby Rodney," John said pushing him through the door. "You're sick and you know it."

"Someone's sick ?" Carson said approaching them.

"Rodney is," John said giving him another shove forwards.

"Thank you," Rodney said turning to glare at him.

"Come on," Carson said gesturing towards an empty bed. "Sit down. Let's check you out. Colonel...outside please."

"Oh. Right."

Carson came out to the waiting room a few minutes later. "Well you're right," he said. "He's running a fever. I've drawn blood and I'm keeping him here for now and starting him on a general antibiotic. You can come back later," he added.

oOo

John lay sprawled on the floor for the third time. Ronon stood looking down at him with his arms crossed across his chest. "You're slipping, Sheppard," he said. "You usually put up a better fight than that."

John got up slowly. "Well I don't usually feel like crap," he said rubbing his head. "Damn. I think that I've got what Rodney has. I'd better go and see Carson. You'd better come too."

"I feel fine."

"Yeah so did I this morning. Come on, humor me."

"It's just 'cause you're losing isn't it ?" Ronon said following him out of the training room.

"Colonel," Carson said as John walked up to him. "Ronon. Have you come to see Rodney ?"

"No er yes but I think that I have it too," John said.

"Really ? Sit down. And Ronon ?"

"I feel fine."

"I'm afraid that it's something that we picked up on the Sangrien homeworld," John said looking tired.

"I see," Carson said flashing a penlight into John's eyes. He shoved a thermometer into John's mouth and he sat there in silence as Carson checked his pulse. Carson checked the thermometer. "You have a fever," he said. "I'm gonna take a wee blood sample. I'd better check Ronon and Teyla too."

"How's Rodney ?" John asked.

"Not very well I'm afraid," Carson said. "The antibiotic's having no effect on the pathogen in his bloodstream and he's steadily getting worse. He's barely conscious and I can't break the fever. I need to run these blood tests."

oOo

An hour later Carson came back to John's bedside. Ronon and Teyla were standing on either side of the bed while John was starting to look pale and he was shivering. Sweat glistened on his forehead and he seemed barely awake.

"OK," Carson said. "I've compared the blood samples and the same pathogen is present in all four of you. But while it's making John and Rodney ill it's having no effect whatsoever on you or Ronon," he said looking at Teyla.

"Because we're not from earth ?" Teyla asked.

"Possibly. But it's not affecting either of you at all and so your bodies aren't producing any antibodies that I can use to synthesize an antidote. Do you have any idea where you might have encountered the organism ? Did you all eat the same thing or something ?"

"The girl," Ronon said.

"Girl ?" Carson said looking up from his data padd.

"We freed a captive from their jail," Teyla said.

"The villagers wouldn't come near us. Said that we were dead already," Ronon said.

"I need a sample of her blood," Carson said. "And soon."

oOo

Carson met up with Ronon and Teyla in the gateroom. "Are ya ready ?" he asked.

"You do not have to come, Doctor," Teyla said.

"I understand that you may move quicker alone but I need an uncontaminated sample. We may not get a second chance."

"Well Doc," Ronon said checking his blaster as Chuck dialled the gate. "I guess you'd better keep up."

When they stepped out onto the planet Ronon headed back up the pathway that they'd taken to the gate. He walked rapidly and Carson had to hurry to keep up with him. Teyla was carrying his sample case. He didn't complain though. They all knew that time was of the essence.

As they reached the spot where the girl ran away Ronon stopped and crouched down checking the soil. "Ground's dry," he said. "Not much wind. She's barefoot so she'll be easy to track."

"Easy for you maybe," Carson said quietly.

"This way," Ronon said pointing towards some trees in the distance.

Carson and Teyla followed in silence and as they passed the trees they came upon a small village. As they approached several people came out to stare. They were all pitifully thin and they all wore the same white robes with a predominant red strip that the girl had been wearing.

Carson looked around at the people who moved away from them as they entered the village square. "Curious," he said. "They look frightened."

"There she is," Ronon said pointing ahead of them. The girl was cowering behind an older man who seemed nervous as they came closer.

"She has been disciplined for coming near to people," he said clasping his hands in front of him as if in prayer. "Please do not take her."

"We do not wish to take her," Teyla said.

"Our friends are sick," Carson said. "We believe that a substance in her blood will cure them."

Another man stepped forward. He pulled a large knife from his belt as the girl cowered even more. "Then take her blood," he said pulling her out from behind the other man. "But leave us alone."

"No wait !" Carson said stepping forward. "Don't cut her. I can take it without hurting her."

The man stared at Carson for a moment and then replaced the knife in his belt.

"Come on lassie," Carson said holding his hand out. "I won't hurt ya I promise."

The girl stepped forward and took Carson's hand.

"She should not touch you," the younger man said. "It is forbidden for our kind."

Carson rummaged in his bag and slipped on some gloves. "Forbidden ?" he asked. "Why ?"

"Because people get sick and die," the girl said quietly.

"So this is like a leper colony," Carson said as he drew the girl's blood. "They keep you away from everybody."

"And we wear the robes of judgement," the older man said. "So that none will come near."

"If you'll let me take a few more samples," Carson said standing up. "I may be able to cure that problem."

The two men looked at one another and then the older man stepped foward baring his arm. "Very well," he said. "We will trust you."

oOo

Back at the lab Carson worked through the evening to synthesize the antidote. He stood by Rodney's bedside and injected the clear liquid into his IV line. He was worried. Rodney was seriously ill and John wasn't much better. "_If it doesn't work_," he thought. He sighed. "_It had to work_..."

Getting a fresh syringe he went to John's bedside and injected a dose into his IV.

Now all that he could do was wait. It was going to be a very long night...

oOo

At about three am one of the nurses tapped Carson lightly on the shoulder. He woke with a start. "What ?" he said. "Has something happened ?"

"I'm sorry to wake you," Nurse Simpson said quietly. "But you were about to slip off your chair. Why don't you lay down on one of the cots."

Carson got up and stretched. "Aye lassie. I might just do that. Let me check on my patients first." He walked over to Rodney's bed. "Respiration still slow...pulse steady..." Carson said checking the monitor. "Ah ha," he said suddenly.

"What is it Doctor ?" Nurse Simpson asked.

"His temperature's down. It looks like the serum's working. I may be able to get some sleep after all..."

oOo

_Two days later..._

Carson tapped lightly on the glass surrounding Elizabeth's office. "Can I see you for a wee moment ?" he asked.

"Of course, Carson," Elizabeth said smiling. "What can I do for you ? How are John and Rodney ?"

"I'll be releasing John this afternoon," Carson said sitting down. "Rodney should be well enough by tomorrow. It was touch and go there for a while though. Actually this situation was what I wanted to talk with you about."

"About the reply from the Sangrien leader ?" Elizabeth said leaning forward.

"Aye can you talk to them ? Tell them that I could cure this plague. Their people could reunite."

"He made it very clear that they will not allow the "judged ones" anywhere near to the main settlement. He said that if we tried to return they would "cleanse themselves of the blight." I believe that he would have them murdered before he would allow you to administer the cure to his people."

"That does not make sense."

"No it doesn't. But we can't impose ourselves onto them. If we keep the lines of communication open and trade with them then perhaps later..."

"But people could die..."

"Carson if we try to interfere then people will die. I'm afraid that we have no choice in the matter." Elizabeth smiled. "I know that this is difficult..."

"It goes against everything that I believe in." He sighed deeply. "Ah well," he said. "I guess they're just not ready."

"At least you saved John and Rodney."

"Aye I did that. Thanks Elizabeth," Carson said getting up. "Have you had lunch ?"

"As long as it's not meatloaf..."

oOo

A little frustrating for Carson there.  
Love some reviews - as always ;D

debbie


	68. The Premonition

**Disclaimer:** yeah whatever

This is a story of how John had a horrible vision and how by trying to prevent it happening he very nearly makes it come true...

**Premonition.**

John ran towards Rodney. Rodney was laying still and covered in blood. A sharp spike jutted from his chest. Blood had flowed freely down the side of his face. His eyes were open and staring...

John sat up suddenly in his bed. He was wide eyed, sweating and breathing rapidly. He looked around his room. Everything was quiet. His sheet was crumpled up on the floor. "_A dream,"_ he thought. "_A nightmare_." He closed his eyes and then opened them again. The image had seemed so real. He got up and went to the bathroom to splash water on his face. He came out rubbing his hair and face with a towel. He tossed the towel on the bed and reached for his shirt. He wasn't going to sleep any more tonight.

oOo

_Three days later..._

"Oh no no no no no no..." Rodney reached forward to type on the computer. Radek rolled sharply to his left nearly hitting Chuck as he sat at his station in the control room. "That's not right," Rodney continued, taking over.

"Incoming wormhole. Colonel Sheppard's IDC."

"What ?" Rodney said looking up.

"Did you not know that they were offworld ?" Radek asked as John, Ronon and Teyla stepped into the gateroom.

"Er...sure. I just wasn't needed," Rodney said. "And I had um work to do." He stopped typing and stood upright. Leaving Radek staring after him he ran down the stairs and up the hallway after the others.

He caught up with John and grabbed his arm. John turned to face him. "Rodney," he said.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were going offworld ?" Rodney asked.

"We er didn't need you," John said with a shrug. Ronon looked at Teyla and they continued up the hallway and around the corner. "It was very routine, really. Look I'll catch you later. Gotta change," he added walking after the others leaving Rodney standing in the hallway.

"But we're a team..." Rodney said quietly watching him leave.

Two junior scientists walked past him staring. Rodney took a deep breath and headed back to the control room with his head down.

When John rounded the corner he almost collided with Ronon and Teyla who were waiting for him. Ronon was standing with his arms crossed blocking the way.

"We could've used his help," Ronon said. "We would've gotten through that door."

"Why did you lie to him John ?" Teyla asked.

John rubbed his hand through his hair. "To protect him," he said. Pushing past them he headed to his quarters.

Ronon and Teyla watched him leave in silence.

John almost ran to his quarters. Once inside he leaned with his back against the door. Suddenly he turned and punched the wall. Shaking his hand he put his head against the wall and squeezed his eyes shut. Every night the same vivid dream had returned to haunt him. For the last four nights he had awoken in a cold sweat with the image of Rodney dead and bleeding frozen in his mind. He had to protect him somehow...

oOo

_The next day..._

Radek looked up from the computer as Rodney walked into the control room. "Are you looking for someone ?" he asked.

"Um," Rodney said looking somewhat awkward. "I thought that Colonel Sheppard..."

"Oh he gated offworld a while ago," Chuck said. "Along with Ronon and Teyla."

"You didn't know ?" Radek said smiling.

"Er...Yes of course I knew," Rodney said recovering. "I was just running a bit late is all."

Radek looked at Chuck and smiled as Rodney ran out of the gateroom.

oOo

"Why did we not wait for Doctor McKay ?" Teyla asked as they walked away from the gate.

"Oh er he had an important project that he was working on for Elizabeth," John said. "He couldn't come with us this time."

Ronon and Teyla exchanged looks as they followed John towards the forest.

"That's never stopped him before," Ronon said.

"Well it did this time !" John snapped turning around to face them.

"Are you all right ?" Teyla said. "You look...ill," she added.

John rubbed his face. "I haven't been sleeping well," he said. "I promise that I'll go and see Carson when we get back."

Teyla looked at him and raised her left eyebrow in a silent query.

"I'll explain later," John said. "Let's get this negotiation over and done with shall we ?"

Ronon walked past him without a word.

"Please ?" John said.

Teyla walked after Ronon and John fell into step behind them.

A few minutes later Ronon stopped suddenly and held his hand up.

"What is it ?" Teyla asked stopping behind him.

Ronon knelt down and pointed out a thin line stretched between the trees. "Traps," he said stepping over it. "We must be careful."

"Elizabeth said that they were paranoid," John said carefully avoiding the line.

"They have been culled many times," Teyla said. "They are afraid."

"Well they don't have to be antisocial," John said as they sidestepped another trip line. "How many of these things are there ?"

"Haven't been countin'," Ronon said pointing out yet another line.

As they slowly made their way along the path John resolved to talk to Rodney as soon as they got back. He had to explain his actions. He knew that underneath all of his bluster and ego Rodney was very vulnerable when it came to those few that he considered his friends.

oOo

John sat at the large table that had been set up in the village square and tried not to look as bored as he felt.

Teyla was in her element. She was smiling and joking with their ambassador. Ronon was idly poking at a plate of some kind of meat and watching the surrounding area. John was just bored to tears. None of their females were allowed near any "business transactions" so even the servants were male. And silent to boot. John stifled a yawn.

Teyla noticed and glanced at him sideways as she continued in her conversation. Apparently she had been deemed an "honorary male" for these proceedings. A rare honor by all accounts, earned mainly by her knocking the ambassador's bodyguard flat on his ass when he'd physically tried to stop her entering the square. That had been the only interesting thing that had happened all day. John wished that Rodney was there. At least then he wouldn't be bored alone. Then he remembered the dream and shuddered involuntarily. "_No," _he thought. _"Better that Rodney isn't here_."

As if in reply to his thoughts his radio clicked. "Sheppard..?"

"Rodney ?" John said getting up. Everybody stopped and turned to stare. "Wait. Stop. There are traps..."

oOo

Rodney hurried to get changed into his black gear. He was flustered at John's behaviour. Surely if he didn't want him on the team any more he would have said something. Instead he'd been distant for several days now. Rodney didn't know what he'd done wrong but he was determined to find out. He fastened his tac vest and left his quarters heading for the equipment room. He decided against taking his P90. He never felt that comfortable with it anyway. He strapped the 9mm and the holster to his leg and picked up a hand held padd which he slipped into his pocket. _"There_," he thought. "_Now let's find out what's going on."_

Rodney walked into the control room. He'd already checked the log for the address so he just reached across Chuck and dialled the gate. "I'll be back with the others," he said heading down the stairs.

Chuck and Radek glanced at each other and watched in silence as he stepped through the event horizon and the wormhole shut down.

Rodney stepped out into the sunshine. He held up the padd and got energy readings immediately. _"Interesting_," he thought following the path towards the forest. He tapped his radio. "Sheppard..."

"Rodney ?" John replied. "Wait..."

Rodney winced as the rest of what he said disappeared into static. "John ?" he said. "Teyla ?" Nothing. _"Must be the energy spikes interfering with the signal_," he thought as he walked ahead watching the readings on the small screen.

oOo

"We've got to get back to the gate," John announced.

Ronon had already stood up. Teyla stopped and looked at him. "What's wrong ?" she asked.

"It's Rodney," John said. "He's come through the gate and he's heading this way."

"He doesn't know about the traps," Ronon said heading up the path.

"Exactly," John said following.

Teyla hurriedly excused herself and followed them.

It was painfully slow going making their way back along the path. Although Ronon remembered where most of the tripwires were they still had to keep checking the pathway as they walked.

"There is no sign of Doctor McKay," Teyla said.

"I know," John said. He could feel a knot forming in the pit of his stomach. "This is what I was afraid of," he added.

Ronon pointed ahead of them. A large log was swinging slowly on a chain passing back and forth across the path. "One of the traps has been triggered," he said.

John had to resist the impulse to run ahead. It wouldn't help anyone if he got caught in a trap too.

When they got to the log they saw an open pit to the right of the path. A pit which had been covered with foliage when they'd walked past earlier.

"Rodney ?" John said moving cautiously to where he could see down into the hole. The vision from his dream flashed across his mind and he blinked to clear it.

Rodney lay on his back in the pit. He was unconscious and blood was flowing from a gash on the side of his head where one of the wooden spikes had caught him. Another jutted from below his ribcage to the right of his navel.

Ronon helped Teyla climb down into the pit. "He is alive," she said. "He was fortunate to have only been hit by the single spike."

Ronon handed her a large knife and she proceeded to cut the spike beneath Rodney so that they could get him out. John got down in the pit with her and between them they managed to lift Rodney up to Ronon who carried him out into the clearing and put him down on the grass.

John pulled a canvas stretcher from his pack as Ronon got some branches to use as poles. John was feeling sick to his stomach and was concentrating on getting Rodney to Carson rather than his emotions.

Teyla ran back up the open pathway. "I have dialled the gate and contacted Atlantis," she said. "Doctor Beckett will be waiting for us."

John just nodded as they picked up the stretcher. He didn't trust himself to speak.

oOo

"So you'd been having this nightmare about Rodney getting killed for several days ?" Elizabeth asked.

John nodded. They were all in the Infirmary waiting room. John was sitting with his elbows on his knees and his head down.

"And that's why you were leaving him behind," she continued. "Because you were afraid that he'd get hurt."

"Yeah and then he got hurt because of it," John said still looking down.

"He'd have been all right if he'd been with us," Ronon said.

John looked up at him. "I know," he said quietly. "By trying to prevent it I almost made it come true."

oOo

"That's creepy," Rodney said sitting up in bed several days later. "No wonder you were avoiding me. I was wondering what I'd done."

"Not you. Me." John said as he stood by the bed with his hands in his pockets. "I should've gone to Doctor Heightmeyer or someone but I didn't know what to make of it. It was real weird," he added rubbing his hand through his hair.

"Well I'll just be glad when I can have something other than jello," Rodney said pushing his tray away. "I'm even getting sick of the blue kind. I'm having dreams about meatloaf."

"Well it'll be all right if _that_ one comes true," John said smiling.

oOo

Short but definately _not_ sweet. A bad experience for both John and Rodney.  
love some reviews (as always) ;D

debbie


	69. Crisis At Christmas

**Disclaimer:** The usual.

_Tis the season to be jolly. Tra la la la la la la la_....yeah right....

**Crisis At Christmas.**

"Come on Rodney, it'll be fun," John said grinning.

Rodney looked up from his computer. They were alone in the main Physics lab. Since it was Christmas eve most of the staff were off. "I hate Christmas parties," Rodney replied going back to what he was doing. "You go ahead," he said waving his hand. "Hey !" he exclaimed as John pushed his laptop closed.

"Don't be such a scrooge," John said. "We might even be able to get Carson to break out that scotch that he keeps hidden in his quarters."

"Bah, humbug," Rodney said pouting.

"There'll be food..."

Rodney at last looked interested. "Well maybe for a little while," he conceded. "I haven't had dinner yet. Do you think they've got Christmas pudding ? I haven't had that in ages."

"Maybe. That english girl in the biolab made sure that the Daedalus brought plenty of crackers. Whatever they are."

"Oh they're kinda fun," Rodney said as they walked out. "Although my father couldn't abide them..."

oOo

Rodney hated to admit it but he was enjoying himself. There was an impressive buffet laid out with all kinds of treats, including christmas pudding and sausage rolls, and it wasn't long before he was sitting quietly munching away as he watched John trying to teach Ronon and Teyla the "Twelve Days Of Christmas".

"I don't understand," she was saying. "Why would someone want all of those people and animals in their house ?"

"How big is a partridge anyway ?" Ronon asked. "Does it take that many to make a decent meal ?"

"She wasn't going to eat them," John explained.

"Then what good are they ?"

"He's got a point," Rodney said.

John shot him a "you're not helping" look. "It's just a song," he said. "It's not supposed to make sense."

"Why not ?" Teyla asked. "Our songs usually tell a story of our history."

Rodney grinned as he watched John squirm. They were saved from further comments, however, by Radek and Lorne who got up in the middle of the room and clapped their hands, drawing everyone's attention towards a platform that they'd set up behind them.

"If that's for karaoke," Rodney whispered. "I'm going back to my lab."

"I'll join you," John replied.

"What would Christmas be," Radek announced sounding slightly tipsy. "Without reindeer..." He gestured towards Lorne who had pulled a large machine out from behind a curtain.

Rodney leaned forward. "What is that....?" he said quietly.

Lorne punched several buttons and the machine began to light up. As it continued to power up, Rodney's earpiece chirped. He got up and moved to the hallway away from the noise. "McKay," he said. "What ?...Let me check.."

He ran up the hallway to an adjoining lab where he accessed a computer. "What the hell ?" he muttered to himself after a few moments. "Crap!"

Rodney ran back to the mess hall. Several full sized reindeer were standing behind Radek and another was starting to form on the platform.

"Turn it off !" Rodney yelled pushing through the crowd. The noise both from the people and the machine was deafening and no one heard him. He finally made his way over to Lorne and pushed him aside. He punched a few buttons on the machine and shut it down. The last reindeer dissolved into nothingness as the people booed him in disappointment.

"That was Rudolph," Lorne said.

Rodney tapped his earpiece ignoring everyone who had quieted down. "What's the situation now ?" He listened for a few moments. "OK. Thank you." He glared at Radek who had just noticed that the other reindeer had not disappeared and were pushing their way towards the door. "What the hell do you think you're doing ?" Rodney demanded sharply.

"I...um...thought that it was just a hologram.." Radek said adjusting his glasses as a reindeer pushed him aside. It was somewhat bigger than he had envisioned. One of the others had reached the door and ran up the hallway.

Rodney sighed and put his head down as he leaned on the, now inactive, console. "Well," he said finally standing up. "Not only is it obviously not a hologram machine but it took a great deal of power doing it. Your little reindeer maker cost us at least a third of the zed p m." Rodney pulled up the HUD on the machine. "And," he added. "They're not going away. We'll have to catch your cloned creatures and I guess ship them to the mainland or something."

John stared at Lorne who got the hint. "I'll er get a detail on rounding them up," he said.

"At least they seem fairly docile," John said.

"I'm sorry," Radek said.

Rodney looked thoughtful. Without a word he walked out heading towards the control room. John followed him as Ronon and Teyla helped to round up the animals.

When John got to the control room Rodney was already sitting at a computer.

Rodney glanced at him and then went back to the data on the screen. "We need another zed p m," he said. "There isn't enough power left to run the shield."

John looked over his shoulder. "P76-392," he said quietly. "Isn't that the one...?"

"Where the conditions were extremely hostile, yes. But there's a charged zed p m there."

"Didn't Elizabeth forbid us from travelling to that planet ?"

"Yes," Rodney said turning to face him. He winced as he noticed Lorne leading a reindeer through the gateroom. "But that was before we depleted the one we've got. It wasn't as much of a priority until now."

oOo

Elizabeth leaned back in her chair looking serious. "Now as I understand it," she said. "The conditions on that planet haven't got any better since we last checked."

"Probably got worse if anything," Rodney commented. "Since the wraith culled the human population the animals and vegetation have taken over. I haven't sent a MALP through yet but there's no reason to assume that it's improved."

"And we don't have any other options ?"

"It's the only planet where I _know_ that there's a charged zed p m," Rodney said sitting with his arms crossed. "Without the shield we're a sitting duck."

"What about the cloak ?" John asked.

"Same problem. Not enough power. Time is of the essence here. And since we're somewhat outside of Santa's delivery zone..."

"Not to mention we've got his reindeer," John said grinning.

Rodney paused long enough to glare at him. "This is not funny Colonel," he said.

"Well there is a funny side to it..."

"Speaking of reindeer..." Elizabeth said.

John looked a little more serious. "Major Lorne and his team has rounded them all up. Since they're all male and there's no danger of them breeding we're taking them one by one to the mainland in Jumpers."

Rodney snorted his disapproval.

"What ?" John said. "You'd prefer reindeer burgers ?"

"At least then they'd be of some use."

"The Athosians may be able to use them as pack animals," Elizabeth said. "What did Radek have to say ?"

"Well he's extremely sorry," John said scratching his head. "He and Lorne had only tested it on a small basis and the creatures had disappeared when they turned the machine off..."

"Because they hadn't finished forming," Rodney said.

"So that's why they thought that it was a hologram machine Rodney."

"Fascinating but we need to get a move on."

"But it is Christmas," Elizabeth said.

"We didn't have a fully charged zed p m to start with," Rodney said leaning forward. "Now we've lost about a third of what we had. The power levels are now critical. But I'm sure that the wraith will hold off until after the holiday. I'll just drop them a card."

"All right," Elizabeth said firmly. "Go....Be careful," she added as they got up.

oOo

Rodney stared at the computer screen watching the transmission from the MALP. John looked over his shoulder as the machine moved a short distance from the gate and then stopped and rotated the camera.

"Don't see much there," Ronon commented from behind them.

"Hum. The complex is in the middle of that forest there," Rodney said pointing. "No way of getting in there with a Jumper of course."

"There do not seem to be any...creatures by the gate," Teyla observed.

"Look," John said. "It's nearly midnight here and early morning there. With any luck we can sneak in, swipe the zpm, get out and still have some Christmas."

Rodney didn't look convinced. "Aside from the time that Radek will be spending helping me get it installed," he said. "I can make the system tests last all day if I want to," he added with a slight smile.

"Come on," John said slapping him on the shoulder. "Let's get this show on the road."

oOo

Once through the gate John deployed the four marines with them to guard the gate and return the MALP to Atlantis while they headed towards the forest.

Rodney checked his hand held padd and pointed towards the forest indicating the direction to the complex. Ronon strode ahead of him, a machete held loosely in his right hand. Since no one had lived on the planet for some time there were no paths left.

They reached the complex without incident although it was hot, sticky and muddy and they kept swatting at the swarms of insects that seemed to be following them everywhere.

John kept a look out as Rodney pulled the cover off the door lock. Rodney snorted in disgust as green slimy water dribbled out of the lock all over his hand. He pulled a face and wiped his hand on his tac vest before plugging his computer into the slot and tapping on the keyboard.

A rumble of thunder echoed loudly. Ronon looked up at the rapidly darkening sky. "Gonna rain soon," he said.

John nodded. He was glad that he wasn't guarding the gate. There was no shelter there.

The door slid open with an audible hiss and Rodney unplugged his machine. "Pheew," he said fanning his face with his hand. "Smells like something died down there."

"Maybe it did," Ronon remarked.

"Oh thank you for that," Rodney said. "After you," he added stepping back.

John grinned and stepped forward turning the light on on his P90 as he did so. He waved his hand in front of the sensor just inside the door and the lights flickered on.

A long hallway led to an open door. Everything was damp and slimy and green streaks down the walls showed where water had leaked into the building.

Rodney held up the padd and pointed forward. "The energy reading's coming from the far room," he said.

"Any life signs ?" John asked.

"Nothing humanoid. That's all that this is calibrated for," Rodney replied.

Ronon immediately started looking everywhere as they walked. He didn't want any surprises.

"Better keep an eye on that outer door," Rodney said as they reached the room. "I'm leaving the doors open because when I pull the zed p m there'll be no power."

Ronon nodded and moved back to the door where they'd come in. Teyla stayed in the hallway. She had the light on her P90 lit ready for when the power was cut. She was also warily checking all of the corners.

As soon as John had checked the room Rodney pushed past him and made his way to a central console. He plugged his computer in and pushed several buttons. The machine lit up and the HUD flickered into life in front of him. Rodney concentrated on the data scrolling in front of him, his face bathed in a green glow from the display.

John looked around the room. Apart from the machine in the center it was empty. Like the hallway, green slime on the walls showed where the roof had been damaged long before. He tried to imagine what it must have looked like when the ancients were there. Looking at the decay around him he was having trouble visualizing it.

"OK," Rodney said. "I'm ready to shut down the systems and disconnect the zed p m."

"Is it fully charged ?" John asked.

"Not completely but it has more than ours, not that that's difficult at the moment." Rodney pushed a button and the lights dimmed and the zpm rose up from the middle of the console. "And I'll be able to interface it with the one back on Atlantis and restore our systems by piggybacking them together," he added unplugging the zpm from its base.

Without warning the floor spun on it's axis, flipping over and throwing them both into a pit below.

Teyla ran back to the doorway, shining the light from her P90 across the now deserted room. "Colonel Sheppard ?" she said. "Doctor McKay ?"

Ronon appeared behind her. "Where'd they go ?" he asked.

"I do not know," she said.

There was the sound of a soft growl from the hallway behind them. Teyla turned and they saw several pairs of amber colored eyes glowing in the darkness.

"Looks like we have problems of our own," Ronon said firing his blaster at the closest creature.

oOo

"Get...off...me...!" Rodney spluttered. He was lying face down with the zpm underneath him and John sprawled on top of him.

John climbed off him and stood up. Rodney rolled onto his back. His eyes were squeezed shut in pain and he was gasping for breath.

"Is the zpm OK ?" John asked switching the light on his P90 back on.

"It's...tougher than it looks," Rodney said. "Which is more than can be said for me. I'm sure that I've broken a couple of ribs," he added coughing. He turned onto his side still coughing and blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth. "Ugh," he grunted. "What are we laying on ?"

"Some kind of vine," John said. "It's covering the floor. Seems to move away from light though," he added. "Rodney ? Rodney !" John turned and gasped as he saw that one of the tendrils had wrapped itself around Rodney's neck. Rodney was trying to pull the vine from his throat while still holding onto the zpm with his left hand.

John quickly pulled his knife from his boot, knelt down and cut the vine. He grabbed Rodney's arm and pulled him to his feet.

"Oh my...God," Rodney gasped holding his hand up to his neck. "What the hell ?"

"Turn the light on your P90 on," John said. "It seems to move away from light. And you're welcome by the way."

"Er yeah thanks," Rodney said fumbling with his weapon and turning the light on. "Oh," he said as the light shone on the skull of a part human part cat creature with long fangs. The vines had twisted through the eye sockets and it was tilted at a crazy angle.

Rodney jumped as John fired at the ground. The vine crept back away from the bullets.

"Jeeze," Rodney said. "Warn someone will you."

"Sorry," John said shining the light around. "There's a door over there. Can you get it open ?"

"I disconnected all of the systems to remove the zed p m," Rodney said indicating the zpm that he was tenaciously holding onto. "No power remember."

"OK," John said taking some C4 from his pocket. "My way then."

"Be careful with that stuff. For all we know that's a load bearing wall."

"I'm always careful," John said smiling as he stuffed a small piece of the C4 into the crack of the door and added a detonator. They moved to the far side of the room and John stood between Rodney and the door. "Fire in the hole," he said unnecessarily as they tried to cover their ears and he pressed the button on his remote.

With a bright flash and rumble the C4 blew the door open. Dust and debris pattered against them as John turned and used his light to survey the damage. The door was tilted at an angle and the vine had shrunk away from the opening. "Come on," John said leading the way.

oOo

Ronon and Teyla stepped over the bodies of the cat creatures in the hallway. Although they looked more cat like than human they had walked on their hind feet and seemed intelligent. Smart enough to run when Ronon had started firing down the hallway. They looked out of the open doorway. The rain had started to fall heavily and the sky was black with forbidding looking clouds.

"They seem to be staying away from us," Teyla said.

"Probably waiting in the forest," Ronon said.

They looked behind them as they heard a noise and felt the floor vibrate beneath their feet.

"John and Rodney ?" Teyla asked.

Ronon shrugged looking down at the floor. They moved back along the hallway towards the control room. Suddenly there was movement by the outer door. Ronon turned and rapidly fired his blaster, hitting the edge of the doorway.

"Hey be careful with that thing ! You almost took my head off."

"Doctor McKay ?" Teyla said shining her light towards the door.

"Who were you expecting ?" John asked. "Oh I see," he said as he saw the bodies of the cat creatures.

Rodney looked around John and motioned towards Ronon clicking his fingers. "Where's that case I gave you ?" he asked. "For the zed p m."

"I left it by the gate," Ronon said. "It was bulky. It hampered my movement."

"Oh that's just special. Thank you," Rodney said. "Why do you suppose I gave it to you ?"

"Dunno," Ronon answered with a shrug.

Before Rodney could continue John held his hand up. "Now now children," he said. "What say we just head home. We can be back in time for breakfast."

"Can't we wait until the rain stops ?" Rodney asked.

"That could be hours," John said. "A little water won't hurt you."

"This is more than a little water," Rodney said looking outside.

"Yeah well once you reach saturation point you don't get any wetter," John said grinning. "You should know that Rodney. That's basic physics."

"Funny," Rodney said without smiling.

"Ronon you take point," John said. "Teyla you stay with Rodney in the middle and I'll bring up the rear."

As they squelched their way back along the path that Ronon had cut earlier Rodney kept up a constant commentary.

"This is ridiculous. This zed p m will have to be dried thoroughly before we'll be able to use it. Every nook and cranny, with Q-tips. Be a good job for Radek. It'll take hours. I can't believe you left the case behind. That's what it was designed for. And I'm going to catch my death of cold out here." He paused long enough to sniff. "Add to that I'm not at all sure that this is just mud that we're walking through..."

"Quiet," Ronon said stopping.

"Why ?" Rodney said squinting at him. "What do you see ?"

"Nothin'," Ronon said looking around. "But I think I hear..."

Without warning one of the cat creatures jumped from a tree to their right and landed on Rodney's back. Rodney cried out in pain as he fell to the ground and the creature dug it's claws into his shoulders and back.

John turned and fired his P90 aiming just over the creature so that he wouldn't hit Rodney. The cat turned and snarled and then leapt off and disappeared into the trees. Ronon fired his blaster at the fleeing animal.

"Rodney," John said kneeling next to him. "Are you OK ? Talk to me." John helped Rodney to his feet, took the zpm from him and handed it to Teyla. Rodney was hunched over clutching his chest and coughing up blood.

"I landed on...the zed p m," he gasped. "I think...I finished breaking that...rib." He looked up at John. "It's getting...hard to breathe...seriously..." he gasped.

"We're surrounded," Ronon said firing on selected targets through the trees.

John tapped his radio. "Jackson," he said. "What's your situation ? We need back up here."

"We're pinned down, sir," the soldier replied. "We had to take cover at the gate. There's some kind of lion creature. There's hundred's of them."

"Understood. Hold your ground."

"We are closer to the facility than to the gate," Teyla said.

"I don't want to go back there if I can help it," John said.

"Be easier to defend," Ronon said. "But then they could just wait us out." He fired again killing a creature that had moved too close.

"I have...an idea," Rodney said. Reaching into his pockets he took out his padd and a small tool pouch. His hands were shaking slightly as he plied the back off the padd and started to make adjustments with a small screwdriver. He was hunched over it keeping the rain from dripping into the electronics. A shrill, high pitched, note started to eminate from the padd. "Is that having any effect ?" Rodney asked without looking up.

"They're looking uncomfortable," John said. "Moving away. I think it's working Rodney."

"OK," Rodney said still struggling to breathe. "Let me up the pitch a little and increase the volume...How about now ?"

"They're leaving," Ronon said.

"Let's head for the gate," John said pushing Rodney forward.

"I don't know if this has a very...long range," Rodney said. "Or how long it'll be before they, you know, put up with the...discomfort."

"Well let's not stay and find out," John said.

Ronon went in front and Teyla helped Rodney while John watched their back. As they approached the gate the creatures moved away. "Dial the gate !" John yelled and Jackson leapt out from behind the DHD to obey.

"Uh oh," Rodney said as they crossed the open area.

"What ?" John asked.

"I can't keep the water completely out of it. It's shorting out."

The wormhole formed and John sent his IDC. With a short prayer he pushed Rodney through the gate and they hurried behind him as the cat creatures started to run after them, dropping to all fours for greater speed.

As they ran into the gateroom John shouted "Shut it down!"

Chuck reacted quickly and closed the wormhole before any of the creatures leapt through.

Rodney was hunched over gasping and coughing up blood. He was dripping water on the floor and covered in mud.

Elizabeth came running down the stairs. "Get a medical team to the gateroom," she said as she approached them. She saw the zpm in Teyla's hand. It too was dripping wet and covered in mud.

As Carson approached with a gurney Rodney waved his hand at Elizabeth. "Get the zed p m...to Radek," he said panting. "Tell him to clean and dry...it...thoroughly."

"Come on Rodney," Carson said putting him on the gurney. "Let's get you to the Infirmary."

As he was wheeled past Rodney grabbed Elizabeth by her arm and whispered to her for a moment before Carson insisted and they pushed him on to the Infirmary.

oOo

It was several hours later before Carson allowed them to see Rodney.

"He had a couple of broken ribs and a punctured lung," Carson said. "I had to operate so ya can only see him for a few minutes and he's still real groggy."

John nodded and they walked around the curtain to where Rodney was lying on a bed. He was hooked up to several monitors and was pulling at the canula that was blowing oxygen into his nose. He smiled sleepily as he saw them. "Hey," he said. "The thing's bugging me," he added pointing to the canula.

"Merry Christmas," John said smiling.

Rodney laughed and then winced in pain. "I told you that I hate Christmas parties," he said. "How's Radek doing ?"

John scratched his head. "Well he's in the lab with several rolls of paper towels and all of the Q-tips that we could find. Judging from the tirade of Czech he's gonna be there a while."

Rodney smiled. "Serves him right," he said. "Reindeer...really."

"We'll bring you something later OK ?" John said.

"Aye he needs to rest," Carson said from behind them. "So out, all of ya."

Rodney waved his hand in a half wave as they left.

oOo

Ronon slipped into his quarters. He was planning to get changed and then meet with Teyla for an early morning workout. He switched the light on and noticed an oddly shaped package on his bed. Suspicious, he went over to it and lifted it up. It felt comfortable in his hand. He pulled the red paper from it and held up the weapon. A large tag read: "Star Trek:TNG. Klingon Bat'Leth. Merry Christmas. RM". He wasn't sure what that was but it felt smooth in his hands and he gripped it and swung it around easily, testing it. He smiled and put it down reluctantly and headed for the shower. He had to show Teyla.

Teyla opened her door and was greeted by the warm glow of several candles and a fragrance of flowers. A large bowl of water was sitting on the table in the middle of the room and several candles were floating on the surface reflecting light throughout the room. A small card by the bowl read "Merry Christmas. RM." She smiled and touched the water moving the candles around.

John opened his door. He was dead tired and looking forward to sleeping for a few hours. A package on his bed caught his attention. A tag read "I'll watch some of these with you later. Rodney." He ripped the paper off and looked at the set of DVDs. "Classic American Football Games Volume 2". _"How did he do that ?" _John thought to himself. Sleep was forgotten as he took out the first DVD and slipped it into his machine.

Elizabeth sat at her desk and smiled. She took a small green pear like fruit from the bowl that Rodney had given her the day before. She figured that the others had found their gifts by now and smiled to herself. She didn't get to play Santa very often and it was a good feeling. She thought about letting Radek take a break for Christmas and then thought of how the others had nearly been killed because of it. "_Nah,"_ she thought relaxing back in her chair. _"Serves him right."_

oOo

Something different. ;D  
Had an idea on what to give them for Christmas (Ronon and John were easy to figure (like to see Ronon wield a Bat'leth ;D) Teyla...not so easy)

Merry Christmas. Love some reviews (as always)  
debbie


	70. Happy New Year

**Disclaimer:** whatever

OK. This is a short, light on the whumping (I guess it's OK that poor Rodney doesn't end up in the infirmary ALL the time ;D ), story that finishes the year (don't worry I still plan to continue I have 3 stories in progress right now) and ties up a couple of questions from the last chapter (Crisis At Christmas) like Major Lorne's punishment and what _did_ John give Rodney for Christmas (both excellent questions that were posed in reviews (yes reviews do make a difference) ). So with that in mind...

**Happy New Year.**

_December 28th_

"How's it coming Rodney ?" John asked walking into the zpm room.

Rodney was lying on his back on the floor half under the main console. "Slower than I like but still faster than humanly possible," he replied. "As usual. Pass me that large flat head screwdriver," he added reaching out in John's direction.

John looked around, saw the screwdriver, and placed it in Rodney's hand. "Have you slept since Carson let you out of the Infirmary ?" he asked crouching down.

"Er...no. But that was only the day before yesterday. Crap !" he said as there was a small flash and a faint smell of burning plastic. Rodney wiggled out from under the console shaking his hand. "It always does that," he said getting up.

"Then why...?"

"Huh. Oh. If I don't push it firmly then it doesn't connect. If I do it sparks at me. Now," he said leaning over the console. "Let's see if I get to sleep tonight." He pushed a button on his computer which was attached to the main console with a long cable. The new zpm started to glow orange and descended into the machine with an audible click. Rodney frowned slightly as data scrolled across his screen and then relaxed. He tapped his earpiece. "Radek ?" he said. "You can start those diagnostics now."

"Where is Radek ?" John asked.

"He's at the north pier substation in the secondary diagnostics lab."

"Isn't that the one that's open to the sea and the cross winds ?"

"Uh huh," Rodney said watching the data on his screen.

"When are you going to stop punishing him ? He didn't mean to drain the zpm."

"When it stops hurting every time that I cough," Rodney said standing upright and turning to look at him. "Fine. When he's finished I'll call it quits."

John nodded and smiled.

"Of course running the diagnostics will take at least seven hours," Rodney said leaning back onto the console. "Now did you need something or were you just concerned with Radek's well being ?"

"Well actually," John said producing a small package from behind his back. "I came to give you your Christmas present. I know that it's a couple of days late but you were in the Infirmary and then busy..."

Rodney grinned and took the package. Excitedly he ripped the red paper off. "Batman Begins," he said. "Great. I've been wanting to see it."

"After lunch then ?" John asked.

"Sure," Rodney said following him. "There's nothing more to do here for a while anyway."

As they headed towards the mess hall Major Lorne passed them. He was walking with a distinct limp.

"How's the foot Major ?" John asked casually.

"It's badly bruised, sir," Lorne replied. "But it's getting easier to walk....Doctor," he added continuing up the hallway.

Rodney stopped and watched him limp away. "What...?" he asked following John.

"Apparently reindeer don't like getting into Puddle Jumpers," John said. "And they can kick. Hard."

"Oooh...." Rodney said wincing as they kept walking.

oOo

"I cannot believe that you want to organize a New Year's Eve party," Rodney said waving his half eaten doughnut in John's face. "After the fiasco at Christmas."

"Why not Rodney ?" John said sitting across from him. "Radek won't be bringing any more strange machines up. It'll just be a straightforward party."

"What does Elizabeth think about this ?"

"Well I haven't actually asked her yet but I've found the ideal room."

"Uh huh," Rodney said looking unconvinced as he finished the doughnut. "Where ?"

oOo

Rodney looked around the domed room. It was in an unused part of the city at the top of the west tower. The roof was of a clear material that showed an impressive vista of the sky. At the moment the sun was streaming in and reflecting off the silvery walls.

"It looks really good at night," John said. "With the twin moons and all."

Rodney was standing in the middle of the room with his hands in his pockets looking up at the sky. "What did it say in the database about this room ?" he asked. "Looks like it could've been some kind of observatory."

"Well I didn't actually check..."

Rodney sighed and covered his face with his hand.

"Look there's no equipment here," John said. "Just these cool symbols on the wall," he added slapping his hand on a large circular picture.

There was a bright flash of light and a pulse of energy that made them both tingle.

"What just happened ?" Rodney said looking up. "What did you do ?"

"Er...nothing..." John replied. "I just hit this symbol." He slapped the symbol again only this time his hand went through the wall. "Uh oh," he said pulling his hand back and looking at it. "What happened ?"

Rodney walked over and looked at the symbol. He then gingerly put his hand on the wall. His hand also passed through the structure. "I think we're out of phase," he said looking at John wide-eyed.

"What does that mean Rodney ?"

"It means that we can't touch anything and nothing can touch us. We can hear other people but they can't hear us. I don't suppose that anyone else knows that we came here ?"

John shook his head. "Then how will we...?"

"That's a good question," Rodney replied.

"We'll miss New Years," John said.

"I'm not sure that you grasp the full gravity of the situation, Colonel," Rodney said crossing his arms. "We can't eat, can't drink..."

"Oh..." John said as he realized what Rodney was saying.

"But we can die."

oOo

"You're too much of a pessimist, Rodney," John said as they walked back towards the control room. "This is really weird," he said as a marine corporal walked straight through him. "But we could have some fun with it."

Rodney shot him a look. John had stopped by some private quarters and had to run to catch up with him as Rodney kept walking. "If you want to start checking showers you're on your own," Rodney said with a wave of his hand. "I'm more concerned with reversing this_ before _I go into hypoglycemic shock."

"Any ideas ?"

"From what I saw of the switch it's just a kind of toggle on/off affair. We just have to get someone with the gene to hit it again. I hope."

"What is it anyway ?"

"Well without checking the database I can't be absolutely certain but SG1 found a similar phase inverter that had been designed by Merlin as a defence mechanism. They could have been trying that here or it could have been one of their ascention experiments. Anyhow I'm hoping that we can get a message through to someone somehow."

"Uh huh," John said as they walked through a closed door.

"Be nice if we could use the transporters," Rodney said.

oOo

When they got to Elizabeth's office she was typing up reports. Rodney tried to type on her keyboard but his hand passed right through it. He wasn't surprised, he hadn't expected it to work anyway.

"Well maybe if we think something," John said.

"What I'm thinking at the moment I don't want in print," Rodney muttered looking disgusted.

"Elizabeth," John said leaning right next to her. "It's John."

"That's not going to work," Rodney said. "She can't hear you."

Elizabeth sat up straight. "What ?" she said looking at her screen.

John and Rodney looked over her shoulder. "Well I'll be..." Rodney said.

Elizabeth had typed "_Elizabeth it's John_" in the middle of her report.

"You must be in tune with her or something," Rodney said. "Try it again."

"John ?" Elizabeth said. "Where are you ?"

John leaned next to her. "Me and Rodney are here in your office," he said. "We're out of phase..."

oOo

With prompts from Rodney John told Elizabeth to have Carson meet them in the room an hour later, since they had to walk there.

Carson stood in the apparently empty room with Elizabeth. "Are you sure they're here ?" he asked. "I feel bloody ridiculous."

"Just hit the thing," Rodney said. "Come on."

"What if it doesn't work ?" John asked.

Rodney glared at him. "Oh don't even go there," he said.

"I'm not sure what happened Carson," Elizabeth said. "But you're supposed to hit that symbol."

Carson shrugged. "Here goes nothin'," he said slapping the symbol on the wall with his left hand.

There was a pulse of energy and Rodney and John felt it tingle through them. Elizabeth and Carson both jumped as John and Rodney materialized in front of them.

Rodney tapped a plain part of the wall. "Oh thank God," he said. "OK. Everybody out. I'm sealing this room."

Once in the hallway Rodney punched in a code to seal the door and then strode off. The others just looked at each other and laughed. They knew where he was headed...

By the time that John reached the mess hall Rodney was halfway through a bowl of some kind of stew. He acknowledged John with a wave of his fork as John sat down opposite him.

"You know," Rodney said. "This actually tastes as bad as it looks. Still it beats lemon chicken."

"I guess we'll have to have the party in here after all," John said unwrapping his sandwich.

"I'm keeping that room sealed until I have a chance to check the database," Rodney said. "Which will be next year at the earliest," he added with a grin.

John acknowledged the pun with a lopsided smile. "So you _are_ coming to the party right ?"

_December 31st 2350 Atlantis Time_

"We have to sing "Auld Lang Syne"," Carson was saying as he handed out copies of the song. "It's tradition."

Rodney was sitting next to Katie Brown eating some fruit. They had glasses of wine all ready to toast the new year. "Go for it Carson," Rodney said.

"What is "Old Lang Syne" ?" Teyla asked.

"You'll see," John said. "We'll be having the countdown in a minute or two," he pointed towards a display that Rodney had set up that was projecting the time onto a plain wall.

23:57:29...23:57:30...23:57:31...

"Get ready to cheer when it reaches all zeros," Elizabeth said.

Ronon and Teyla looked at each other with puzzled expressions. "We don't do anything like this," Ronon said as he leaned against the wall.

"Still it is...interesting," Teyla said.

"Here it comes," John said. "Ten, nine, eight..."

Everyone joined in as the last few seconds ticked off and then they cheered as balloons and confetti dropped from a net in the ceiling as Rodney's computer program triggered it.

John smiled and raised his glass. "Happy New Year," he said over the shouting.

Rodney raised his own glass in acknowledgement and then Carson started to sing and everyone joined in...

"Lest old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind. We'll drink a cup of kindness here, for the sake of Old Lang Syne. For Old Lang Syne, my dear. For Old Lang Syne. We'll drink a cup of kindness here. For the sake of Old Lang Syne..."

oOo

Gonna miss you all (sniff sniff) The movies had better be good that's all that I can say.  
(Found several different lyrics to "Old Lang Syne" so I went with the ones that I learned growing up.)  
Love some reviews (as always)

Happy New Year.  
debbie


	71. Wyatt's Weapon

**Disclaimer: **yeah yeah yeah

Well here we are. The first story of 2009. Back to the old routine....

**Wyatt's Weapon.**

"This is fantastic. You'll love it ! You'll see."

Rodney stood with his arms crossed watching the mousey haired scientist pull a large laser cannon out into the middle of the lab. Behind him Elizabeth and John stood calmly as the man aimed the machine at a large metal target.

"Well you've been working on this for long enough Wyatt," Rodney said looking bored. "Is this going to take much longer ? I do have actual work to do."

"Give the man a chance Rodney," John said. "Some things take time." Rodney turned to glare at him as John smiled and continued. "Now Doctor Wyatt. What does this do exactly ?"

"Well it's a kind of laser cannon only more powerful and without the power drain and for the output it's amazingly compact..."

"Spare me the speech," Rodney said with a wave of his hand. "You can give it when you collect your Nobel prize. Just show me what it can do. Preferably today."

"Oh er yes. Right." Doctor Wyatt adjusted the laser and stood and grinned broadly. He picked up a large power cord from the floor. "I'm starting it on half power," he said. "Prepare to be amazed," he added plugging the cord into the back of the machine.

The machine pulsed with a red glow and started to hum loudly. Suddenly it started to spark. Rodney flinched and tried to shield himself as arcs of electricity spat out from the equipment. The lights flickered as the power went out plunging them into darkness.

The silence was broken by a chirp from Rodney's radio. He tapped his earpiece impatiently. "McKay," he said. "Yes I know. I'm on it." Before he could take a step it chirped again. "McKay...Yes I know. I'm on it." He took one step towards the laptop which was the only light in the room and it chirped again. "McKay...Really ? Oh thank God. I thought I'd gone blind. Thank you for telling me." He took the last two steps to reach the computer when his radio chirped again. "I know ! ...Oh. Radek. Where are you ?"

Elizabeth covered her mouth with her hand trying to stifle her amusement at Rodney's predicament.

Rodney was typing on the laptop as he spoke to Zelenka. "Looks like the power surge has damaged some of the main conduits. Just a moment let me reroute..." The lights flickered once more and then came back on. "OK," Rodney continued. "I'll meet you in the zed p m room." He tapped his earpiece as he stood upright. "You," he said pointing at Doctor Wyatt. "Get out of my sight and take this thing with you."

"Problems ?" Elizabeth asked as he turned to leave.

"Not if I get right on it," Rodney said. "Excuse me," he said moving past.

oOo

Beth Saunders slipped quietly into the lab. Mark Wyatt was sitting with his head down on the table and his hands covering his head. He hadn't heard her come in.

"Oh my God," he was saying quietly. "I have blown this all to hell and back. What an idiot. And in front of McKay and Weir. I'm finished. He'll send me back to earth for sure..."

"Doctor Wyatt ?" Beth said softly. "Are you all right ?"

Doctor Wyatt sat up abruptly and turned his chair so that he was facing the pretty young lab assistant. "Beth," he said with a weak smile. "Yes I'm fine. Just fine..."

"I heard what happened," she said.

"Hum. Yes, well. Who didn't. I made a complete ass of myself."

"You can reset it. It worked for us earlier. Doctor McKay will understand..."

Mark Wyatt laughed. "How long have you been here ?" he said rubbing a hand through his short curly hair. "You should know that McKay doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"You're not a fool," Beth said with her hands on her hips. "And we'll prove it."

Doctor Wyatt looked at her with a puzzled look on his face. "How ?" he asked.

"Get your machine working," Beth said with a smile. "I have an idea..."

oOo

_Two days later..._

John took his breakfast tray over to where Rodney was sitting eating a bowl of cereal and intently studying his data padd. John sat down casually and positioned his grapefruit so that it was directly in front of Rodney.

"I'm not taking the bait, Colonel," Rodney said without looking up. "Please move that."

John smiled and moved the bowl. So much for getting a rise out of him. Must be something important. "So what's so interesting ?" he asked looking over at the padd.

"There's an anomalous reading right here," Rodney said pointing at the display. "I'm going to have to go down and check it out manually. The data stream isn't helping much. It's only showing me that there's a definate power drain which I know already." He spooned some more cereal into his mouth. "Probably another damn mouse nest or something but I won't know until I go down there."

"Where is that ?" John asked gesturing with his fruit spoon.

Rodney flinched, avoiding the grapefruit juice. "Bottom of the west tower. Below the zed p m room and off to the side."

"Ugh, it's damp and cold down there." John said. "Well happy hunting," he said getting up.

"Where are you going ?"

"Oh Ronon and I are going on a run."

oOo

Rodney was almost wishing that he'd joined John and Ronon in running around the city. Almost but not quite. He reached the room and tapped his radio before going inside. "Radek ?" he said.

"I can barely hear you," Radek said from the control room. "The area must be shielded."

"That's what I figured," Rodney replied. "That's why I came down here..."

"That and you're a control freak," Radek muttered off radio.

"I'm going inside. I'll radio when I've found the problem."

"Right."

The room was below the water line and it was damp and dingy. Even with the lights on there was a gloomy feel to the place. Rodney put his padd on top of the central console and plugged it in. He frowned as he studied the data. "Curious," he said softly as he tapped on the keyboard. With a sigh he walked back out into the hallway and tapped his radio. "I can't tell what's causing the problem from the data padd," he said. "I'm going to check inside the machine."

"OK," Radek replied. "I'll monitor the power stream from here."

Rodney pulled a small tool pouch from his pocket and selected a screwdriver as he walked back inside. He sat on the floor in front of the machine, flinching on the cold damp metal, and started to remove the screws from the access panel. He placed the panel to the side and shone his flashlight inside.

"What the...?" he said as he was faced with a small box with several flashing lights on it, attached to the wiring from the console. Suddenly the door slammed shut and the box released a pungent yellow gas. Rodney was unable to avoid it in the confined space and he coughed and gagged. Gasping for breath he started to feel dizzy and fell forward to the floor, unconscious. The box started to flash with a rythmic red light and an explosive was detonated at the back of the console, tipping it forward on top of Rodney. Water started to seep in through a crack in the wall.

Radek sat up and looked at his screen as it showed a sudden power fluctuation. "McKay ?" he said with a concerned sound in his voice. "Rodney ?.....Colonel Sheppard..."

"Yes Radek," John answered breathing heavily.

"Something's happened to Doctor McKay," he said. "There was a sudden spike in power usage and I am unable to contact him on the radio."

"We'll check on him," John said turning to Ronon. "Feel like a run over to the west tower ?"

oOo

John tapped his radio. "The door's sealed shut and I can't get any answer," he told Radek. "And there's water coming out from under the door."

"It's cold," Ronon said crouching down and touching the water.

"If he's lying in that he could get hypothermia," John said. "Even if it's not deep."

Ronon pulled his ever present blaster from it's holster. John stepped back as Ronon flipped the switch on the handle and fired at the door. They both dived for cover as the blast ricocheted off the door leaving a mere scorch mark where the blast had hit.

"So much for the direct approach," John said. He tapped his radio. "Radek. The door control's fused and Ronon's blaster didn't scratch it."

Radek tapped on his computer keyboard. "I'm accessing the CCTV," he said. "It's difficult to see but it appears that Doctor McKay is trapped underneath the console. There is water on the floor but I can't tell if it's rising or not. He's not moving," he added.

"We may be able to help," Beth said from behind Radek's left shoulder.

oOo

"It wasn't supposed to be Doctor McKay that got trapped in there," Doctor Wyatt said as Beth helped him guide his cannon to the transporter. "How am I supposed to impress him with my invention if he's not even awake ?"

"This will work even better," Beth said easing the machine sideways. "This way you can get credit for rescuing him."

"Unless someone else does it first," Wyatt said despondantly pushing the transporter button.

"I've disabled the door control completely," Beth said. "And the polymer coating that I painted on the door and wall will deflect any blaster fire. You just have to make sure that you hit the spot that I left unpainted. Now be quiet," she said as they started down the hallway. "You have a rescue to do."

oOo

John didn't look at all certain as he watched Doctor Wyatt set up his cannon opposite the doorway. "Are you sure that this thing will work ?" he asked.

"I've er altered the output ratio since our last test," Wyatt said nervously. "It will operate perfectly this time."

"It was merely a misadjustment before," Beth said smiling. "There should be no problem."

"Well ya'd better hurry," Carson said from behind where John was standing. "Judging from the temperature of that water he could already be suffering from hypothermia."

"It's ready," Doctor Wyatt announced. He nodded at Beth who plugged it in. The machine started to pulse and hum. As they watched it started to glow orange and then red. Suddenly sparks flew from the cannon and everyone flinched as the lights flickered and went out.

John took a flashlight from Carson and shone it towards Doctor Wyatt who was looking extremely upset. "Oh no," Wyatt said. "No, no, no."

John tapped his radio. "Radek," he said. "Doctor Wyatt's machine did it again."

"I know," Radek answered sounding flustered. "I am running the subroutine that Rodney used to fix it before. One moment..." As he spoke the lights came back on.

"Is there any other way in there ?" Carson asked.

"I don't think so," John replied. "We'll have to get some cutting equipment down here."

"Ronon's blaster should do it," Beth said.

"It didn't earlier," Ronon said.

"You have to target just to the left of the fused control panel about a meter and a half from the ground," Beth said starting to choke up with tears.

Ronon and John exchanged looks and John nodded staring at Beth as he did so.

Ronon pulled out his weapon and carefully selecting his target he fired. The section of the door disintegrated immediately and Ronon stepped forward to push the door open.

As Carson and his team entered the room John walked over to Beth and Doctor Wyatt. "Would you care to explain how you knew that Miss Saunders ?" he said coldly.

"It wasn't supposed to be Doctor McKay," she sobbed and looked at him with her large blue eyes.

"Oh ?" John said crossing his arms. "And who exactly was it supposed to be ?"

"I thought that...when there was an anomaly..." she sniffed. "That a, a junior technician would be sent to um check it out."

"And then you'd impress Rodney with a dramatic rescue is that it ?"

Beth nodded and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief from her lab coat pocket.

"And were you in on this ?" John said staring at Doctor Wyatt.

"He didn't..." Beth started but she stopped when John glared at her.

"I um suspected something of this sort, yes," he replied meekly looking down at his hands.

Ronon stepped up behind John who turned to face him. He noticed that Carson was leading the medical team up the hallway with Rodney unconscious on the gurney. "How is he ?" John asked.

"Doc says that he could be hurt internally from the machine falling on him and he's hypo...er..."

"Hypothermic ?"

"Yeah. Real cold." Ronon stared at the two scientists. "What d'ya want to do with them ?" he asked.

"Take them to the brig," John said turning and following Carson.

oOo

Elizabeth was sitting with her elbows on her desk and her hands clasped in front of her. She looked serious. "Let me get this straight," she said. "This lab assistant Beth..."

"Saunders," John added.

"Yes. Beth Saunders. She deliberately sabotaged the equipment so as to lure someone down there and trap them so that Doctor Wyatt could use his laser cannon to free them."

"And thereby impress Rodney in the process in the hope that he'd keep his job." John said.

"I wasn't aware that he was in danger of losing it. At least not before this incident."

"Well with Rodney if you stay out of his way for a while then he'll move on and forget about you. Unless it's something really bad," John added running his hand through his hair.

"How is he doing ?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well he's got a couple of broken ribs and a concussion. Nothing too serious. He'll be sore for a while though. Just as well that we got in when we did. I'm gonna go and see him in a minute. Carson said that he was awake and complaining..."

oOo

"I can't believe it. How did he expect the thing to work if he didn't change any of the operating conditions ?" Rodney was sitting up in bed looking over the schematics on his laptop. He coughed and winced holding his left arm across his chest. "It looks like the problem's in this relay," he said pointing at the screen. "It's woefully inadequate to handle the amount of power that he was trying to channel through it. No wonder it backfired. The man's an idiot. He couldn't fix a straw if it was bent."

"You probably intimidated him Rodney," John said as he stood by the bed with his hands in his pockets. "Made him nervous."

"Humph," Rodney said. "Well that won't be a problem now will it ? I presume that they'll both be shipped back to earth as soon as the Daedalus returns."

"Yep," John replied. "Too much of a security risk to stay here. General Hammond will have to decide what to do with them. Pity really."

Rodney turned to look at him. "What's a pity ?"

John shrugged. "Beth was kinda pretty..."

"Oh that's charming," Rodney said sitting up straight and crossing his arms. "Considering that she tried to kill me."

"She wasn't trying to kill you, Rodney," John said.

"Uh huh, could've fooled me."

Carson smiled as he listened to them from where he was sitting at his desk. He checked his watch and shook his head. Getting up he walked over to Rodney's bed. "Can ya keep it down, laddies," he said. "I've got sick people here."

"When will Rodney be released ?" John said hoping to change the subject.

"This afternoon," Carson said. "After I get another round of antibiotics in him."

"So do you think that you can fix it ?" John asked.

Rodney looked at the schematic with a curious expression. "Well," he said. "Maybe..."

Carson just shook his head quietly and walked away smiling.

oOo

happy new year.  
love some reviews (as always)

debbie


	72. Follow The Yellow Brick Road

**Disclaimer: **yeah yeah OK.

OK this is something just a little more frivolous and kinda light on the whumping but definately very VERY annoying (especially for our Rodney ;D). Little early for St Patrick's day but what the hey.

**Follow The Yellow Brick Road...**

They watched the monitor in silence as the MALP scanned the area around the gate.

"Well it's got atmosphere," John said.

"Hum," Rodney said tapping on his padd. "We'll need to take a Jumper though."

"Why McKay," Ronon said with a slight sneer. "Don't you want to walk ?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "It should be obvious even to you," he said. "It's conspicuous by it's absence."

John looked at Rodney and then back at the monitor. "Oh," he said.

"What is it gentlemen ?" Elizabeth asked.

Rodney gestured towards the screen. "There's no DHD."

oOo

Rodney pulled up the HUD as John flew the Jumper over the grassy landscape. "There's a serious energy reading right there," he said pointing.

"I don't see any buildings," John said.

"Whoa, stop. We're almost directly over it."

"There's nothing there, Rodney. Are you sure ?"

"Well it's right there," Rodney said pointing at the HUD. "What's that ?" he asked looking out of the window as John circled.

"Looks like a door," Ronon said from behind.

"In the middle of a field leading nowhere," John pointed out.

"Well that's where the energy spike's coming from," Rodney said checking his padd and pulling up another display. "This confirms it. We need to check it out."

John wasn't entirely convinced. He flew around the object once more before landing.

"It's a mirror," Teyla said as they opened the Jumper door and walked towards it.

John reached it first. As he reached forward with his left hand to touch the surface Rodney grabbed his right arm. "Wait a minute..." he said as John put his hand on the glass.

With a loud whoosh they were suddenly pulled through the mirror. Rodney let go of John and stood for a moment with his hand to his forehead waiting for his head to stop spinning. He glared at John. "Which part of 'wait a minute' did you have a problem with ?" he said sharply.

John smiled briefly and touched the mirror again. This time it was an ordinary mirror and nothing happened. "Sorry," he said giving Rodney a lopsided grin as he turned to look around.

They were in a large room that looked like it was part of a mansion. There were three ornate wooden doors. One on each wall with the mirror on the fourth behind them. Flaming torches stuck in brackets gave the room an eerie glow. A large picture of a man in a green suit hung over the fireplace to their left.

Rodney looked at his hand held padd, tapped it in disgust and then jammed it back into his vest pocket. "Nothing," he said. "It doesn't seem to work here. Wherever here is."

A short man in a green suit suddenly appeared in front of them.

"Whoa !" Rodney said jumping back a step. John was startled too and grabbed his P90, pointing it at the man.

"Ah ya won't need those toys here laddie," he said in a thick Irish accent. And with a wave of his hand all of their weapons disappeared. John looked down at his foot. Even his knife was gone.

Rodney looked at the man and then at the picture. "And you are...?" he said looking back at him.

The man grinned and tipped his hat briefly. "Patrick O'Leary," he said cheerfully. "I'm a leprechaun."

"Colonel John Sheppard," John said quickly before Rodney could answer. "And this is Doctor Rodney McKay."

"Ah a doctor are ya ?"

"A doctor of physics not medicine," Rodney answered standing with his hands in his pockets.

"Oh," Patrick said clearly disappointed. "So have you come to play my game ?"

"Game ?" John asked.

"Is this another dimension ?" Rodney said looking around. "All that we saw from the other side was the mirror. And how do we get back ?"

"What he means," John said. "Is that we need to let our friends know that we're all right. Don't we Rodney.."

"Hum."

"Well ya have to follow the road," Patrick said. "Whatever you do you must stay on the road. Just go out the door where the rabbit comes in..." He smiled broadly and then vanished with a loud pop.

"Well that helped," Rodney said with a sneer.

There was a loud knock on the door in front of them. John walked forward and opened it.

A very large white rabbit hopped inside. He stopped in front of Rodney and stood up on his hind feet. Standing almost three feet tall he looked up at Rodney and blinked. He took a gold pocket watch out of his waistcoat pocket and flipped it open. "Oh dear," he said adjusting his glasses. "I am so very late." He hopped over to the door on their left which Rodney walked over to and opened for him. He hopped through as Rodney and John looked at each other.

Moments later a young blonde haired girl in a blue dress ran past John.

"Excuse me," she said. "Have you seen a white rabbit ?"

Rodney just pointed through the door that he was still holding open and she ran through, thanking him. He closed the door wordlessly.

John looked across at him. Although he felt the same way this was the first time that he'd seen Rodney at a loss for words.

"Well," John said. "I guess this is the path."

"It's not yellow is it ?" Rodney said following him out of the door. "You know I was just thinking that this was like something out of 'Alice in Wonderland'."

They were back outside but the scene was different from the one that they had left on the other side of the mirror. Red poppies lined a wide sandy path. Rodney stepped off the path to the side. As he trod on the flowers a reddish colored mist wafted up around him. He started to feel dizzy and John pulled him back onto the path as he swayed slightly.

"You OK ?" John asked as Rodney recovered. "Looks like we _have_ to stick to the path."

"Like the 'Wizard of Oz'."

John looked up at the sky. "Better not be any flying monkeys," he said.

Rodney looked around nervously. "Flying...?"

"Yeah you know like in the movie."

"Uh huh. I hate monkeys."

"I know. Me too."

They continued to follow the path which led to a thick, dark forest. They stopped at the edge.

"You know," Rodney said wagging his finger at John. "In every story I've ever read, dark forests are never good. There are always...nasty things..."

"We don't have any option," John said looking back the way that they had come. "Look."Behind them the poppies had spread across the path. "There's no going back."

oOo

"Lions and tigers and bears oh my."

"Shut up Sheppard, this isn't funny," Rodney said as they walked through the forest.

"Yes it is Rodney. You just don't see it."

"This doesn't bother you ?" Rodney said loudly stopping and waving his hand around. "And we're unarmed."

"It bothers me a little," John said looking back at him. "But I try not to worry about things that I have no control over."

"Oh that's a military attitude for you. This is creeping me out _because_ I have no control over any of it," Rodney said turning away from him. "Oh a unicorn..." he said walking into the forest.

"Rodney !" John yelled out. "We're supposed to stay on the path, remember. Rodney !" he said following him off the path and into the trees. He walked quickly as Rodney moved ahead ignoring him. "Rodney !"

Suddenly Rodney stopped and turned to face him. His eyes shone with a bright white light and then he vanished.

"What ?" John said stopping in his tracks.

Then someone grabbed his right shoulder. Reacting quickly he turned and grabbed his assailant, flipping him through the air. As he landed on his back his breath was knocked out of him. John leapt on top of him and drew his hand back to punch him in the face. "Rodney ?" he said stopping himself.

"What the hell are you doing ?" Rodney said loudly trying to shield himself.

"I was following you," John said helping him up. "You went off after a unicorn."

"What ?" Rodney said getting up and dusting himself off. "I didn't go anywhere. You called my name and took off into the forest. I followed you."

"And you didn't see anybody else ?"

"Just you," Rodney said turning around. "Now where's the path ?"

John turned around to point. "I'm not...sure," he said. "Now this _is_ creeping me out."

The trees seemed to close in around them and there was no clear path in any direction. "I don't remember which way I came," Rodney said. "I lost my bearings when you flipped me. Ow !" he said as a tree branch smacked against the side of his face.

John ducked as another flashed in his direction. "Whoa," he said.

"Look out !" Rodney yelled as another branch whipped towards John.

John grabbed the branch and snapped it off before it could wrap around him. "Move," he said grabbing Rodney by his arm and shoving him forward.

"Which way ?" Rodney said running through the trees.

"Anywhere but here," John said. "Look there's the path."

They stopped on the pathway. Rodney bent forward, standing with his hands on his thighs, breathing heavily. A large purple bruise was forming by his left eye. "OK," he said after a couple of minutes. "I've had enough of this."

"I agree," John said. "But I don't see as we have much choice in the matter," he added pointing back at the poppies across the pathway.

"Wonderful," Rodney said with a sigh. "So we're off to see the wizard."

John started to whistle as they walked. Rodney shot him a look and then rolled his eyes.

oOo

They walked for almost half an hour before they reached the end of the forest. They looked out across flat fields as far as they could see to either side, all covered with the small red flowers. Ahead of them was a bridge across a wide canyon and beyond that there was a medieval style castle.

"Looks like we're finally getting somewhere," John said pointing towards the building.

"Hallelujah," Rodney replied sounding tired. "I'm sure that those flowers are contributing to my allergies," he added with a loud sniff.

As they approached the bridge a large, brutish looking man stepped out from behind one of the stone columns of the bridge. He stood in the middle of the path, blocking it, with his hands on his hips. He was at least eight feet tall and was wearing brown pants that reached his calves, fastened at his waist with a wide belt. He was barefoot and his white shirt was open to his navel revealing a large muscular chest and arms.

"Hi," John said with a big smile. "How are you ?"

The man looked confused as if he wasn't used to being greeted politely. "I am Glumm," he said. "And this is my bridge."

"Of course it is," Rodney muttered. "Nothing's ever easy."

John glanced sideways at Rodney and winked. Turning back to Glumm he smiled broadly. "And a very nice bridge it is too," he said. "I'm John and this is Rodney. We'd like to cross your bridge if we may."

"You must solve my puzzle before you can pass," Glumm said standing with his arms crossed, still blocking the way.

"Naturally," Rodney said quietly. "OK," he said loudly enough to be heard. "What is your question ?"

Glumm grinned from ear to ear. He recited his question as if he'd been practicing it, which he had. "Peter picked one pepper more than Paul," he said evenly. "Pat picked one pepper more than Pam. Peter and Paul picked ten more peppers than Pat and Pam. Peter, Paul, Pat and Pam picked sixty peppers. How many peppers did Peter pick ?"

John resisted the urge to say a peck. He turned to look at Rodney who was standing with his head to one side clearly going over the question in his mind.

"Eighteen," Rodney said.

"What ?" Glumm replied.

"Peter picked eighteen peppers," Rodney said loosely crossing his arms and looking bored. "Paul picked seventeen. Pam picked twelve and Pat picked thirteen. Is that the best that you can do ?"

Glumm looked surprised and scratched his head. He was clearly confused.

Rodney looked at him and grinned. "You didn't know the answer did you ?"

"No one has ever answered before," Glumm said.

"So can we pass ?" John asked.

"No," Glumm said firmly. "That was too easy."

"You're telling me," Rodney muttered under his breath.

"One hundred and one, one hundred and three, one hundred and seven, one hundred and nine..."

"All prime numbers," Rodney said stepping forward. "Can't you do better than that ?"

"Eight five four nine one seven six three two zero."

"Oh please," Rodney said looking defiant. "Zero to nine in alphabetical order."

John turned and stood in front of Rodney holding his hand up in front of him. "Rodney," he said quietly. "He's a really, really big guy. I don't think that it's a good idea to antagonize him."

Rodney looked momentarily surprised. "Oh," he whispered. "Do you think that he might...er...get physical ?"

John shrugged. "I don't want to find out," he said. He turned back towards Glumm who was looking at him with curiosity. "Perhaps we could...er...trade for safe passage across your fine bridge."

"Crawler," Rodney said quietly.

Glumm looked down at the ground and then back at John. He pointed at Rodney's feet. "Boots," he said. "I take boots."

"What ?" Rodney said looking surprised. "Oh no no no no no no no."

John turned to him. "Come on Rodney," he said. "It's not much further. We can see the castle from here. It's not that big a deal. You can get another pair when we get back. We've got the Jumper."

"Why don't you give him your boots then ?" Rodney said gesturing towards John's feet.

"My feet are smaller than yours," John said under his breath. "Besides he wants yours."

Rodney stood with his hands on his hips. "Fine," he said with a sigh. He sat on the ground and started to undo his bootlaces. "But you're helping me to fill out the requisition forms to replace these."

John took Rodney's boots and held them out towards Glumm. Glumm took them and looked at Rodney who was still sitting on the ground. He had a pleading expression on his face.

"What ?" Rodney asked.

John looked back at Rodney, then at Glumm and then back at Rodney. "I think he wants your socks too," he said.

"Oh for heaven's sake," Rodney said pulling his socks off and throwing them at John who reluctantly caught them. "Now can we go ?"

Glumm smiled broadly and stepped to the side. He was trying the boots on as John and Rodney walked past.

"This is ridiculous," Rodney said as they walked towards the castle. "Ow !" he said stopping and lifting his foot to remove a small stone.

"We're almost at the castle, Rodney," John said walking easily.

"Yeah and then what ?"

"Hopefully we're out of here," John said opening the large wooden door.

"Oh no I don't believe it," Rodney said as they found themselves back in the same room where they had started. The door swung closed behind them as they looked at their reflection in the mirror. "It's a nightmare. This isn't possible," he added walking around the room. "It's just not possible."

John stood looking around. "Well crap," he said rubbing his hand through his hair.

Suddenly the little man in the green suit appeared sitting in a chair by the fire.

Rodney stopped pacing, startled, and glared at him. "O'Leary," he said. "I thought you said that we were heading for the way out."

"Well ya are, laddie," O'Leary said laughing. "You get out just the way that you came in."

"I tried touching the mirror again," John said. "It didn't work."

"You get out_ just _the way that you came in," O'Leary repeated.

"You mean since we entered together we have to leave together ?" Rodney said. "And you couldn't have told us this when we were here before ?" he added loudly and sounding extremely irritated.

Patrick O'Leary laughed again. "Aye I could've laddie," he grinned. "But where would the fun have been in that ?"

"Why you little..." Rodney said taking a step towards him.

With a final laugh and a loud popping noise O'Leary just disappeared leaving John and Rodney in the empty room.

John covered his mouth with his hand. He was really trying very hard not to laugh out loud.

Rodney was standing with his hands on his hips. He turned to glare at John. "This is not funny," he said wagging his finger at John. "I'm dirty, tired, hungry and my feet hurt." He stepped forward and grabbed John by his right arm. "Now slap your hand on that portal and let's get out of here."

With a broad smile John placed his left hand on the center of the mirror. There was a loud whoosh and they were pulled forcibly through to the other side.

It took a moment for the dizziness to pass. When John looked up he saw Ronon and Teyla still standing by the open Jumper. He smiled weakly as they both stared at them.

"What happened to you ?" Teyla said taking in their appearance and their lack of weapons. "You were only gone for about a minute. How...?"

"Yeah how's you lose your boots, McKay ?" Ronon asked looking at his feet.

"It's a long story," Rodney said walking up the ramp into the Jumper. He flopped down into the co-pilot's seat. "Right now I just want to go home."

John slipped easily into the pilot's seat. "Yeah," he said touching the controls and closing the rear hatch. "I'm ready to say goodbye to little green men."

Teyla and Ronon exchanged looks as the craft lifted off and glided smoothly towards the gate.

oOo

_The next day..._

John was walking casually along the corridor. He had scheduled an inspection but he was going to arrive at the locker room early hoping to catch some of the marines off guard. His radio suddenly chirped. Stopping where he was he tapped it automatically. "Sheppard," he said.

"I need you to come to my office right now !"

"But Rodney," John said before he realized that Rodney had disconnected the call. With a sigh he turned back the way he had come, towards the physics labs.

John walked into the main lab. He nodded and smiled at Radek Zelenka who was leaning forward in his chair intently studying his computer screen. "What ya got ?" John asked pausing for a moment.

"Oh," Radek said sitting up. "Just some research. He's waiting for you," he added gesturing with his thumb towards Rodney's closed office door.

John nodded. "Yeah I know," he said. He couldn't help feeling like a kid who'd been summoned to the Principal's office.

"Good luck," Radek muttered as John walked over to the door. He walked straight in without knocking.

Rodney looked up sharply at him and then relaxed. "Close the door please," he said.

John closed the door and looked at Rodney's normally immaculate desk. Only at the moment papers were scattered all across its surface. Rodney had moved his laptop to a shelf to make room for all of the official looking forms.

Rodney pointed at John with his pen. "Sit down," he said. "You promised to help me with this."

"Er...Rodney," John said sitting down. "I'm not a scientist."

Rodney gave him his "oh please" look. "And scientists wouldn't bother with twenty different forms, all in triplicate and none of which is on computer. The military on the other hand..."

"Oh..." John said. "Your boots ?"

"Uh huh. When Elizabeth had finished laughing at my situation she pulled out a ream and a half of paperwork and suggested that I get it all filled out before the Daedalus arrives tomorrow."

"Rodney how difficult can this be ?"

Rodney paused long enough to stare at him and then shuffled through the papers. "Oh I'll grant you that most of this is merely tedious but what about questions like ' What happened to the last item of equipment that entails it's replacement ?' Hum ? I'm not sure how the US Air Force will react to.."I gave them to a troll so that we could cross a bridge to see a leprechaun." They'll be measuring me for a strait jacket."

"And you want me to do what ?" John said grinning. "After all that is what happened."

"You're going to help me translate what happened into military-ese," Rodney said. "After all you promised."

"Well actually I do er have something to er..." John paused as Rodney glared at him. "Um...well it can wait..." he added. "Let's start with something simpler and work up to that question shall we ?"

Outside Radek leaned closer to his computer so that he could hear the CCTV feed better. He smiled to himself. He would have to stay late to finish his assigned cataloging but it was worth it just to watch McKay struggle.

_"You know Rodney you could just buy another pair."_

_"Oh no no no no. If anyone buys them it should be you."_

_"Why me ? It's not like you spend your paycheck."_

_"I have...expenses."_

_"Only because you lose so many bets."_

"Ah yes," Radek said to himself smiling. "Life is good."

oOo

Not my usual style. Something a little different. (Now you know why I don't write fantasy ;D). No apologies to the deceased authors whose ideas were incorporated in this story (it's not like we're making any profit here unfortunately).

love some reviews (as always) please be kind...  
debbie


	73. A Giant Problem

**Disclaimer:** yada yada yada

I was watching a very old episode of "Land of the Giants" and thought...(well you know what I thought ;D)

**A Giant Problem **

Rodney stood waiting in the gateroom. Although it was unusual for him to be first one there he was beginning to get impatient. He checked his watch for about the fifth time.

"We're not late, Rodney," John said as he walked up with Teyla and Ronon following behind him. "You're just early for once."

"Well don't get too used to it," Rodney said standing up straight with his hands resting lightly on his P90. "I prefer to be the wait-_ee_ not the wait-_er_."

"Oh but you live to serve Rodney," John said with a grin as he nodded at Chuck who proceeded to dial the gate. "We'll check back within twelve hours," he added.

Elizabeth nodded from the control room where she was watching them leave. "We didn't see anything unusual on the MALP," she said. "Just a building that seems to have a large power source inside but that doesn't mean that there's no one there so be careful."

Rodney waved his hand in her direction. "We know," he said. "The usual."

"Good luck," Elizabeth said as they stepped through the event horizon.

Rodney stepped out into the sunlight, still intent on the padd that he held in his hand. His attention was pulled away from the powerful energy readings by John who had stepped through just ahead of him.

"Hey Rodney," he said. "I thought that you said that these gates come in a fixed size."

Rodney peered at him. "Well apart from the so called supergates which are big enough to take a cruiser. The diameter is fixed by wormhole physics. It's not possible to..." He looked to where John was staring which was behind and above him. "Holy cow," he said as he turned around. "That's at least five times bigger than any gate I've ever seen...but then..." He turned back to face away from the gate. "Oh no no no no no no," he said walking past John. "We are so screwed."

"Why ?" John said looking at him. "What's wrong ?"

Rodney pointed at the structure looming in front of them. "That's not a building," he said looking back at John. "That's the DHD."

oOo

"Rodney that must be twenty feet high," John said looking up at it.

Rodney was busy tapping on his padd. "Uh huh," he said as he walked forward. "And that explains the strong energy reading that I'm getting from that thing. Assuming that it's powered by crystals they must be enormous."

"Could we use them ?" Teyla asked.

"Unlikely," Rodney replied. "We'd have no way of integrating a crystal of that size into our systems or of regulating the power output."

"Could we drain the power from it ?" John asked.

"You can't control the energy flow doing that," Rodney said. "To release the energy without an interface you'd have to break the crystal and then it all releases at once. Trust me that would be a very bad thing."

"So how is this possible ?" Teyla asked. "For everything to be this big ?"

"This planet must have a much lower gravity. And judging from the size of the DHD if there are any people on this world they could be thirty feet tall." Rodney stared at John. "We'd better get out of this open area," he added.

"Good idea," Ronon said. "There's no cover here."

"So how do we dial back to Atlantis ?" John asked as they walked towards some tree sized bushes.

"Well," Rodney said glancing back at the gate. "When Atlantis dials in we can have them send a Jumper through. It's just a transmitter. The onboard DHD may have enough power to...What's that noise ?"

They stopped as a loud deep barking noise was getting louder and louder. The ground was vibrating under their feet.

"Oh my God," Rodney said stepping back.

A huge puppy jumped in front of them. It was wagging its' tail furiously and it's long pink tongue was hanging loosely from its' mouth. It barked again, clearly excited, and jumped up and down on the spot.

Rodney aimed his P90 at the animal but John put his hand on the weapon, pushing it down. "You can't shoot it Rodney," he said. "It's just a puppy."

"But it's about the size of an elephant," Rodney protested.

"It doesn't mean us any harm," John said pointing at the animal. "It's obviously friendly."

"Accidently being trampled hurts as bad as being trampled deliberately," Rodney pointed out backing away.

"Perhaps a warning shot ?" Teyla suggested. "To scare it away ?"

John was considering that when they heard something far more frightening...a human voice.

"Baby....Baby Boo...There you are. You naughty dog, running away like that. Grandpa said that we should stay away from the Ring. What have you found ? Oooh...little people."

A human boy knelt down in front of them. Even kneeling down he was as tall as a large shed. He stared at them wide-eyed.

"Are you real ?" he said excitedly poking at them.

He hit Rodney full in the chest knocking him to the ground. "Hey !" Rodney said wrapping his arm across his chest. "That hurt !"

"Are you OK ?" John said helping him up.

"I think so," Rodney replied rubbing his chest. "Gonna have one hell of a bruise though."

"I'm sorry," the boy said grinning. "I've never seen real little people up close before. Only in the zoo and they won't let us touch them there."

"So there are others like us here ?" John asked.

"Probably got stranded," Rodney said quietly.

"Not many," the boy replied. "Grandpa says that if he could find a couple he'd never have to work again. We could fish all day."

Without warning the boy reached forward with both hands and grabbed Rodney. The boy got to his feet and ran back towards the gate. Ronon and Teyla both raised their weapons but John stopped them.

"He's just a kid," John said.

"But McKay," Ronon answered.

"I'll keep him in sight. Maybe get him to take me too. You stay by the gate until Atlantis dials in and then track us using the Jumper."

Ronon and Teyla exchanged looks as John ran after the child.

oOo

Rodney was rapidly losing consciousness. As the boy held him firmly in his hands his P90 was being forced into his already bruised chest. That, coupled with the pressure on his ribcage, was making it increasingly hard to breathe.

"Grandpa, grandpa, grandpa," the boy was shouting. "Look what I found. Look !"

"What is it Jakob ?" an older man said approaching him.

"I found him by the Ring, look !"

"You're not supposed to play there," the man said standing with his arms crossed. "Oh mercy," he said as the boy held Rodney out towards him.

"Is he OK grandpa ?" the boy asked as Rodney lay unmoving in the man's hand. "I tried to hold him careful."

"I think so Jakob," the man said carefully removing the P90. He put Rodney into a canvas bag that he was holding. "We must get him home. The leaders will pay much for him. You did well."

"There are more of them grandpa."

"How many more ?"

"Three I think. Can we see if we can get another grandpa ? So we can fish all day. Can we, can we, can we ?"

"Show me," the man said.

"Boo found them didn't you Boo ?" the boy said following the dog.

oOo

John was breathing hard as he ran after the boy. He was beginning to think that maybe he should have let Ronon shoot him after all. If only it hadn't been a child.

He stopped in his tracks as the puppy ran up and skidded to a halt right in front of him. "Whoa," he said holding his hands out in front of him. "Nice doggie."

The dog shook its' head making its' long ears flap. It jumped in the air and started to bark excitedly.

"Grandpa look !" Jakob said running towards John. "Boo's found another one. Good boy Boo," he added patting the dog on the head.

The grandfather walked up to where John was standing. "Pick him up Jakob," he said. "But be careful. Don't squeeze him too hard. The leaders will only pay a lot for them if they're undamaged."

John tried to keep still so he wouldn't get hurt when the boy grabbed him but he still had the breath forced out of him as the boy handed him to his grandfather.

The grandfather removed John's P90 and then dropped him into the bag. He landed on top of Rodney who wasn't moving. John struggled to keep the bag away from his face as the man lifted it up off the ground.

Rodney stirred and grunted. "Get off me," he said.

"I'd love to Rodney," John said. "But I've got nowhere to go. Hang on."

"Like I've got an option," Rodney replied.

"Can we find another grandpa ?" Jakob said. "I saw two more."

"It's getting dark Jakob," the man said. "We need to get back to the house before curfew starts."

"Can we come back tomorrow grandfather ?"

"Perhaps," the man said as they walked away from the gate. "We shall see."

oOo

Ronon was watching from behind the DHD. "I could take him," he said. "Bring him down."

"Not without great risk to Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay," Teyla said. "A fall from such a height could kill them."

"So we just sit here and watch them get taken ?"

"We wait for Atlantis to contact us and then we get them to send a Jumper. Then we can track them using their transponder signal," Teyla said firmly.

Ronon nodded. "And get 'em back," he said.

"Yes Ronon," Teyla said looking at him. "We will get them back."

oOo

John and Rodney were being jostled together as the grandfather carried them in the bag. John could hear Rodney struggling to breathe in the suffocating confines of the holdall. John reached down to his boot and removed his knife. Using both hands he jammed the knife into the material and ripped a hole about three feet in length.

"Come on Rodney," John said as he slipped the knife back into its' holster and grabbed him by his arm. "See if you can stand up."

Rodney got next to the hole and sucked in a lungful of air. "Oh my God," he said gasping. "What has he been carrying in this thing ?"

"Smells like dogfood," John said. "At least it wasn't full of raw meat."

Rodney looked out through the hole, holding onto the coarse fabric for support. "Looks like we're approaching a town," he said. "Maybe if he puts the bag down we can get out."

John didn't feel hopeful. He looked out at their surroundings. Jumping now would be suicidal. "Maybe," he said. "But I think we'll have a better chance when we get to their house."

"Hopefully it's not much further," Rodney said as they were jostled together. "Hey watch it !" he said angrily as John hit him in the side with his elbow.

"Sorry," John said. "Looks like we're home," he added as the grandfather started to climb a short flight of stairs leading to a weatherbeaten door.

The man walked into the house and switched on the light. "Lock the door, Jakob," he said dumping the bag onto a desk in a shabby looking den.

Rodney fell as the bag hit the desk and John fell on top of him as the canvas collapsed on top of them.

As they lay trying to breathe the grandfather reached inside the bag and pulled John out. The man held him carefully in his hands obviously trying not to hurt him. "Hurry Jakob," he said. "Bring the carrier and put it on it's end so that I can put him inside."

He dropped John inside of a giant pet carrier. Moments later he dropped Rodney in on top of him. Rodney grunted in pain as John wriggled out from underneath him. John looked up as the man fastened the latch on the door. Without warning they were flung forward as the man tipped the carrier onto its base and the "floor" that they'd been laying on abruptly bacame the wall.

"That should keep them safe until the morning," the grandfather said. "Come Jakob. It's getting late and we will have to get up early if we are to reach the city."

"Then we will be able to go fishing ?"

"Yes Jakob. With the reward money we will be able to go fishing as much as we like," he replied closing the door behind them.

"Rodney ?" John said shaking him by the shoulder. "Are you all right ?"

"Oh just wonderful," Rodney replied staring at the plastic ceiling of the carrier. "I'm sure that that kid cracked some ribs."

"Wonder what he meant by reward money," John said sitting down with his back against the side.

"Well apparently," Rodney said propping himself up on his elbows. "We're not the first ones to come through that gate. I think I heard him mention something about a zoo."

"So what say we blow this joint," John said grinning as he pulled some C4 from a pocket in his tac vest. He got up and walked towards the door.

"Normally I don't approve of the military approach," Rodney said dusting himself off. "But in this case I'll make an exception."

As John put the C4 in the lock and added a fuse Rodney stood up and looked around. "You know," he said as John was preparing the charge. "This is a pet carrier."

"Yeah so," John said concentrating on setting the fuse.

"Well it's too small for that puppy..." Rodney looked towards the door. "Look out !" he yelled as a large black cat looked in at them with unblinking green eyes.

oOo

"We need to start a fire or somethin'," Ronon said. "Sun's going down. It'll be getting cold soon."

"We can use some of these leaves to make a shelter," Teyla said. "It will be several hours before Atlantis logs us as overdue."

"I'll take first watch," Ronon said pulling several large leaves over towards the DHD.

"Look out !" Teyla yelled as a hawk the size of a car swooped silently down towards them. With a swift movement she raised her P90 and fired in the direction of the bird. Not wanting to kill it she fired slightly in front of the creature as Ronon rolled onto his back and fired his blaster upwards.

With a loud screech and smoke curling from its' singed tail feathers the hawk veered away and headed for the trees.

"This is going to be a long night," Teyla said standing with her hands on her hips as she watched the hawk fly away.

oOo

John jumped back away from the door and moved towards Rodney who was standing with his handgun gripped in both hands aiming towards the door.

"Stand aside," Rodney said seriously.

"Rodney," John said standing in front of him. "Put that away. It's the boy's pet. We don't want to hurt it."

"Speak for yourself."

"It's just a cat, Rodney," John said gesturing back towards the door.

"Yeah about the size of a city bus," Rodney said reluctantly holstering his weapon.

"You're exaggerating. It's only about the size of a...er...passenger van."

Rodney crossed his arms and stood with his head tilted to one side. "And it's the other side of the only way out of here," he said.

John pulled his handgun from it's holster.

"Oh so now _you're_ going to shoot it ?" Rodney asked indignantly.

"I just want to scare it, Rodney," John said. "Make it move away from the door."

"What are you doing ?" Rodney asked as John slowly walked towards the door, keeping to the side of the carrier.

"I want to get a sharper angle so that I can shoot in front of it. Hopefully the noise will scare it off."

"Well don't make too much noise. We don't know how light a sleeper grandpa or Jakob are."

John glanced at him momentarily and then positioned himself a few feet from the door. Aiming carefully in front of the cat he fired a single shot into the desk.

With a yowl of protest the cat turned and jumped to the floor. John nodded at Rodney as he put his handgun away and stepped forward to finish setting the charge on the door.

"OK," John said moving back towards where Rodney was standing. "Stay back."

Rodney glanced at the wall behind him and then at John who just gave him a lopsided grin as he pushed the button on the remote.

With a bright flash the small amount of explosive broke the lock in two. John ran to it and pushed it open. "All clear," he said looking across the desk.

As Rodney followed him John walked to the edge of the desk and looked down.

"That's a good twenty feet," Rodney said from behind him. "Got any rope ?"

John looked around them. "No," he said pointing towards a desk lamp that was lighting the corner of the desk. "But I've got an idea."

"Will that take our weight ?" Rodney asked.

"Help me move it so that it's wedged between the books," John said. "Then we can climb down the power cord."

Rodney didn't look at all convinced as he helped John move the lamp. He looked even less convinced even after John had climbed down to the floor. "Just because it held you, Sheppard," he said looking down at him. "That doesn't mean that it will take my weight."

"Well it's either climb down or stay up there on the desk," John pointed out. "I don't think that there's enough stuff there for even you to make a plane."

With a loud sigh Rodney grabbed the cord and eased himself carefully over the edge. "Hold it steady," he said nervously.

"You'll be fine, Rodney," John said holding the cord. "Just don't look down."

Rodney was about a third of the way down when the cord started to move. "That's not funny," he said gripping it tightly and freezing in place.

"It's not me, Rodney."

"Oh God," Rodney said as he looked up and saw the cat peering over the edge. The animal was batting at the cord with one paw.

"Hang on," John said reaching for his handgun.

Rodney resisted the urge to say something scathing and hung on to the cord with both hands and his feet. "Just hurry," he said nervously, his eyes squeezed shut.

John carefully aimed and fired at the edge of the desk by the animal's face. The bullet ricocheted in front of it and the cat leapt back in panic. As it ran away it knocked the books over and the lamp slipped free and tumbled off the edge of the desk...

oOo

Teyla walked over to the DHD and sat down next to Ronon.

"Hasn't been three hours yet," he said turning to look at her.

"I cannot sleep," she said. "The sounds of the insects are so loud. And nearby..." she added.

"They'll stay away from the fire."

"Yes but they still scurry around just out of sight. I will take over if you want to rest."

"I'm good."

Teyla nodded and they sat absorbed in their own thoughts. It was frustrating not to be able to do anything. _"Still_," she thought. "_Atlantis will dial in soon_."

Several giant sized yards away two slitted amber eyes blinked in the moonlight. It flicked it's forked tongue, tasting the air. Silently, it slithered towards the warmth of the fire...

oOo

_To be continued...._

Oh what a place to leave it (aren't I mean).  
Love some reviews (as always) ;D  
debbie


	74. A Giant Problem Part II

**Dislaimer:** the usual etc

OK. Please be sure that you've read the last chapter or this one won't make much sense ;D

_And now for the conclusion..._

**A Giant Problem. Part II**

Rodney cried out in surprise as the cord went slack in his hands. He didn't have time to process what had happened before he landed heavily on the wooden floor. As pain reverberated through his head and back he saw the lamp falling towards him, the bulb glowing like a crazy spinning sun.

Rodney flung his left arm across his face as the lamp crashed down next to him and the bulb exploded flinging shards of hot glass in all directions.

John had thrown himself down and he felt small pieces of glass hit the back of his hands where he was attempting to cover his head.

As the room was plunged into darkness John got quickly to his feet. "Rodney," he said grabbing Rodney's right arm. "We've got to move. They had to have heard that. Rodney..."

Rodney grunted in pain and muttered something about permanent back damage as John pulled him to his feet. John took his flashlight out of his pocket and they moved towards a cave sized hole in the baseboard underneath the desk with John supporting most of Rodney's weight as he leaned heavily on him.

As they slipped out of sight the door opened and the main light was turned on. John had sat Rodney down just inside the hole and he watched as the grandfather came into the room.

"Mephestopheles you bad cat," the man said. "What have you done ?"

John watched the man's slippered feet as he moved closer to the desk.

"Oh," the man said. "They have escaped. Shut the door Jakob, and bring me the hand light. We must find them."

As the boy obeyed his grandfather John moved further into the hole so that he couldn't be seen. He turned his attention to Rodney who was sitting with his back against the wall, his eyes squeezed shut in pain.

John put the flashlight down and angled it away from the hole so that he could see without being seen. "Rodney," he said touching him on the shoulder. "Are you all right ?"

Rodney opened one eye and glared angrily at him before closing it again. "I'm sure that I've got a concussion and major vertebrae damage," he said. "And I'm bleeding," he added holding up his left hand which was covered in blood.

John moved to Rodney's left side. "Let me see," he said.

A large shard of glass from the broken light bulb was jutting from Rodney's left thigh. Blood was soaking through his clothes and dripping onto the floor.

"Looks like it missed the artery," John said. Pulling a bandage from his pocket he wrapped the wound leaving the glass in place. Rodney winced as John tied the wrap tightly to staunch the blood flow. "You were lucky," John added crouching next to him.

"I don't feel lucky," Rodney said. "Er...Sheppard," he said looking over John's shoulder.

"What ?"

"We're not alone," Rodney said pointing towards the back of the hole.

John turned slowly and looked over his shoulder.

Several feet away, watching them with great curiosity, was a giant brown rat...

oOo

Despite the noise Teyla had fallen into a light sleep, her head tilted back against the DHD. Ronon sat quietly lost in his own thoughts, partially supporting her weight as she slumped against his left arm. He was holding his blaster loosely in his right hand as he watched the sky.

He heard a noise to his right side and he moved suddenly, standing and aiming towards the sound.

Startled awake, Teyla followed his gaze. "What is it ?" she asked quietly.

"Dunno," Ronon said searching the grass for movement. "I heard somethin'."

Teyla got slowly to her feet holding her P90 ready. She trusted Ronon's instincts without question and said nothing as she too scanned the area.

Ronon moved to his right, still with his back against the DHD, aiming his weapon in front of him. After a moment he relaxed, dropping his arm to his side. "Maybe it was a bug," he said.

Teyla too relaxed and she held the P90 loosely in front of her. "I will be glad when the sun rises," she said. As she turned towards him the snake came up behind her.

The cobra stretched itself up, poised and ready to strike, it's body towering above Teyla.

"Down !" Ronon said sharply bringing his blaster up to aim.

Without hesitation Teyla flung herself forward onto the ground. As she did so Ronon fired three times in rapid succession, each blast finding its target.

The body of the snake flopped down next to her and Teyla glanced briefly into the snake's dead eyes before leaping to her feet.

"Thank you," she said forcing herself to breathe normally.

"You're welcome," Ronon said grinning and slipping his blaster into its holster.

oOo

"Get out of the way," Rodney said taking careful aim with his handgun.

"You can't shoot it," John said pushing down on his arm so that he lowered the weapon.

Rodney sighed loudly. "Why do I even carry a handgun if I'm not allowed to use it ?" he asked with a tinge of frustration in his voice.

"We can't make that much noise," John said. "Or the grandfather will find us."

"I'm sure that being eaten will make a noise too," Rodney said putting his gun away. "Fine. I've got a quieter idea. Keep an eye on Ben there."

Rodney reached into his pocket and pulled out his hand held padd as John warily watched the rat who was in turn watching them.

"Hurry up Rodney," John hissed as Rodney opened his small tool pouch and fiddled with the inner workings of the scanner.

"Sure you don't want to shoot it ?" Rodney whispered as the rat stepped cautiously closer.

"Yes...No...Rodney !"

Rodney snapped the back onto the padd and punched a couple of buttons. The padd started to flash and Rodney aimed it towards the approaching animal.

"You turned it into a strobe light," John said as the rat squealed in surprise and ran away down the tunnel. "How did you even know that it would do that ? You're a genius Rodney. Now turn it off before they notice the light."

"Can't."

"What do you mean can't ?"

"It's got a thirty second cycle," Rodney said holding it against his chest to hide the light as much as possible. "It won't switch off until then."

"Why thirty seconds ?"

"Because that's the least that I could set the timer for. There. It's stopped."

"Grandfather," Jakob yelled. "I saw a light. They're in the mousehole under the table."

"Humph," Rodney said. "That's no mouse."

"Come on," John said helping Rodney to stand. "We've got to get out of here."

"But that's the way the rat went !" Rodney said with panic in his voice.

"Would you rather go back into that room ?" John asked. "You can shoot it this time," he added as Rodney hesitated.

Reluctantly Rodney let John help him down the tunnel.

"Little people listen to me."

John and Rodney stopped. It sounded as though the grandfather was kneeling by the hole in the baseboard.

"I have a poison spray. If you do not come out within one minute then I will spray it into the hole."

"I can't move very fast with this leg," Rodney said. "I'm sorry," he added.

With just a moments hesitation John yelled out. "Don't do anything ! We're coming out !"

When they came out into the room they saw that the grandfather was kneeling by the hole and he was holding an aerosol can of what looked like insect spray. "That's better," the man said putting the can down on the floor. "Come on out into the light."

As they obeyed the man reached forward and grabbed Rodney, holding him with both hands. "Get the other one Jakob," he said.

Rodney was truggling to breathe. He wondered idly if that was why animals didn't like being picked up. "_Maybe we do the same to them_," he thought as the man placed him onto the desk. As he sat holding his ribs and trying to get some air Jakob dropped John next to him. John was also clutching his chest and gasping for air.

"What shall I do with you ?" the old man said looking thoughtful. "Jakob bring your tortoise aquarium here."

"Yes grandfather," the boy replied running out of the room.

"I think that I will separate you two," the man said. As John and Rodney exchanged worried looks the man opened a small drawer in the desk. He picked Rodney up and dumped him unceremoniously into the drawer which he immediately slid shut. He then turned a gold colored latch, locking it.

The boy brought a small glass aquarium in and sat it on the table. It contained some sand, a small dish of water, a few lettuce leaves and a very bored looking tortoise.

The man picked John up and dropped him inside next to the tortoise. "Now," he said picking up the aquarium. "Just in case you get out of there." He put the aquarium up on a high shelf. "That should hold you both until the morning. Come on Jakob," he said walking towards the door. "We need to get some sleep. You'd better bring Mephestopheles with you," he added as he turned the light off and closed the door.

John sat next to the tortoise who was staring at him. "I know," he said. "I'm in your space. It's not like I want to be here. You know you really need a maid." John checked his watch, pushing a button so that the face lit up. "At least another hour before we're overdue." He pushed his radio. "Rodney ? Rodney are you all right ?"

Rodney had pulled a small flashlight from his toolpouch and was using it to check out his prison. It was a small drawer and he barely had room to move. He'd heard the click of the latch being locked so he knew that there was no point in trying to push the drawer open, even if he could get any leverage. He felt like he was in a coffin. He debated whether to try shooting through the latch but it was already stuffy in there, the last thing that he needed was to smother himself with cordite. Not to mention the loud noise in the confined space."

"_Rodney ? Rodney are you all right ?"_

Rodney tapped his radio. "My leg's throbbing, my back's killing me, I think that at least four of my ribs are cracked and I can barely breathe in here."

"_So that's a no then ?"_

"No I am not all right. You ?"

"_I'm sharing an upper level apartment with a tortoise. Nice view. Lousy room service."_

"How nice for you."

_"Atlantis should be radioing in soon."_

"Yeah Ronon and Teyla got the easy job. Waiting and camping out..."

oOo

Teyla had long since given up on any chance of sleep. Between the loud rustling noises from the surrounding insects and the incident with the snake she had resorted to pacing back and forth between the fire and the DHD.

Ronon, on the other hand, was completely relaxed. He seemed to have an uncanny ability to focus on anything dangerous while tuning out all other noises. He was sitting with his back against the DHD, his head back and his eyes closed.

"Why don't ya sit down ?" Ronon said without opening his eyes.

"I cannot relax," Teyla said. "If I walk it takes my mind off insects the size of children."

"They won't come near as long as the fire's goin'."

"I know but they still make noise."

"Noise is good. It means there's nothin' bigger out there. I get worried when it gets quiet...like that," he said sitting upright.

Teyla stopped pacing and listened. Ronon was right, the noise of the insects had stopped. The ground was vibrating as if something heavy was walking towards them.

Ronon stood and aimed his blaster towards the approaching noise and Teyla raised her P90 as they waited in silence, tensed and ready.

A grey rabbit about the size of a compact car hopped into view and stopped to nibble on some grass.

Ronon and Teyla relaxed as the animal hopped closer, oblivious to their presence.

Suddenly the animal stopped and sat upright, it's ears twitching. After a moment it ran towards the trees, passing within a few feet of Ronon and Teyla.

As they exchanged confused looks there was the sounds of growling and snapping as several coyote like animals chased after the rabbit. As the pack ran past a lone straggler noticed the two Lanteans. It approached them warily, teeth bared and saliva dripping from its fangs.

Ronon raised his weapon to fire but before he could do so the chevrons on the gate began to light up. As the wormhole formed with a loud whoosh the animal glanced behind him. Deciding that the small meal wasn't worth the risk it ran after the rest of the pack and disappeared into the darkness.

_"This is Atlantis. Do you read ?"_

"Yes Doctor Weir," Teyla answered visibly relaxing. "This planet is not what it seems."

_"Is everyone all right ?"_

"We are not sure. We have been separated from Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay," Teyla explained. "Everything here is giant sized. We are unable to dial back in. We need a Jumper and perhaps Doctor Beckett."

_"Understood. Stand by."_

oOo

Carson stood by the open Jumper as Ronon stomped the small fire out. "Wow," he said. "This is amazing. Do ya see the size of that thing ?" he added looking at the dead snake.

"Yes," Teyla said. "I did notice. But I am more concerned with the welfare of Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay."

"Oh, right. Yes, I'm sorry," Carson said heading back to the pilot's chair. Teyla sat next to him as Ronon sat in the chair behind Carson who was closing the door and starting the engine. He brought up the HUD. "There they are," he said pointing at two lights together on the display.

"Are they all right ?" Teyla asked.

"Can't tell lassie, not from here. Oh I hate flying these things," he said as they flew over the enormous gate.

"You are doing fine, Doctor," Teyla said smiling.

"Well at least on a giant planet I don't have to worry about confined spaces," Carson replied smiling.

As they approached a small run down looking house on the edge of the town Carson activated the shield and turned on the spotlights so that they could see. He hovered outside a window on the side of the house. "They're in that room," he said. "But how do we get in ?"

"We will wake the giants if we break the glass," Teyla said.

"Aye and we may need time to find them. I don't want to hurt anyone if I can help it. Especially not a child. Wait a minute," Carson said pointing. "There's a fireplace in that room. I have an idea."

He flew the Jumper up to the roof. They were thankful for the inertial dampners as he angled the craft down towards the chimney.

"Oh bloody hell," Carson said as he flew slowly down the soot covered confines of the flue. After what seemed like an eternity to him Carson flew the small craft out into the room.

"_I'm up on the shelf to your left_," John said over the radio. "_Hurry. Rodney's not answering his radio_."

As Carson banked the Jumper around he saw John standing on a shelf next to a small aquarium. He was waving frantically to get their attention. Carson landed the craft next to him and opened the back door. Gratefully he got out of the pilot's chair and sat behind Teyla.

John ran up the ramp and plopped into the pilot's seat. Without closing the back door he powered up the engines and lifted off. "The man put Rodney in a desk drawer," he explained. "And I don't know how much air is in there. I haven't been able to get Rodney to answer his radio for a while now."

Carson got up and pulled the medical kit out of an overhead bay. "I'll get the oxygen ready then," he said opening the kit and pulling out several bags of tubing.

John maneuvered the Jumper so that the ramp was level with the latch on the drawer explaining what had happened as he flew. As he approached Ronon got out onto the open door. When John stopped Ronon crouched and put his shoulder underneath the latch. With a loud grunt he straightened up and unlatched the drawer. Teyla passed a rope to Ronon that she had already tied to the Jumper. Ronon quickly fastened it to the drawer handle and raised his hand in a signal to John who flew the Jumper slowly forward, sliding the drawer half open.

Ronon untied the rope and John moved the Jumper so that the ramp was level with the top of the drawer. Before he had even completely stopped Carson had jumped into the drawer next to Rodney who was unconscious.

"He's breathin'," he said. "But barely. Help me get him into the Jumper. Be careful of that leg," he added as Ronon lifted Rodney by his shoulders and Teyla started to lift his feet. "If that glass shifts and nicks the artery he'll bleed out in minutes."

Ronon and Teyla carefully placed Rodney on the bench at the back while John concentrated on keeping the craft steady. Once everyone was back on board he closed the rear door and activated the cloak as Carson strapped an oxygen mask to Rodney's face and Ronon and Teyla sat in the two seats behind him.

John carefully flew back up the chimney. It was a tight fit in places and he silently admired how Carson had managed to get it down there.

The sun was starting to rise as he broke free of the confines of the chimney. He banked the craft sharply downwards and sped towards the gate. John breathed a sigh of relief as he heard Carson talking in the back.

"Leave the mask alone Rodney. I know that it's uncomfortable but ya need to leave it on for a while."

As John approached the gate Carson came forward. "We need to hurry," he said quietly. "Rodney's blood pressure is dangerously low. He may be bleeding internally."

"We're not far from the gate," John replied. "We'll be there in a few minutes."

Carson nodded and returned to the back. "If you keep takin' that off your face I'll have Ronon hold it on ya."

John glanced back at Ronon who was grinning broadly.

As soon as he had the gate in sight John punched the symbols on the on board DHD.

Nothing happened.

"_OK,"_ John thought. "_Maybe I need to get closer_."

He tried again. Still nothing.

"Rodney," he yelled out. "The DHD's not working. It's not dialling the gate."

"I was afraid of this," Rodney said pulling the mask down so that he could talk. "It hasn't got enough power to activate the gate."

John set the craft to hover and turned to face him. "So can we divert power from the other systems ?" he asked.

"Still wouldn't be enough."

"You mean we're stuck here ?" Carson said.

"No no no no," Rodney said, his voice getting quieter as he got weaker. "We'll just have to use the giant DHD."

John looked down in front of him. It looked like a normal DHD from this height. "O...K..." he said. He angled the craft sharply downwards. John got down next to the dial.

"What is wrong ?" Teyla asked as John stopped.

"The symbols are too close together," John said. "I was hoping to use the front of the Jumper to tap the keys but I can't hit one without hitting the one next to it."

Ronon got up and looked through the windshield. "Open the door," he said. "I'll get out and dial it."

John opened the door and positioned the Jumper by the keypad. Ronon gauged the distance and then jumped onto the first key which lit up under his feet. By stepping carefully and then jumping on the keys Ronon managed to dial all seven symbols for Atlantis. He didn't have enough weight, however, to trigger the large red central button.

John resisted the urge to laugh at his predicament. It would have been funnier if Rodney didn't need to get to the Infirmary. _"Get inside Ronon_," he said via the radio. "_I'll use the Jumper to hit that one."_

As Ronon leapt back inside and John closed the door Teyla put her hand on John's shoulder and pointed forward, towards the gate. "John, wait," she said.

The puppy that had found them earlier was standing in front of the gate barking in their direction. They were cloaked but the animal obviously sensed their presence. John turned on the outside microphone to eavesdrop as Jakob ran up to the animal.

"Oh Boo," the boy said kneeling down by the puppy and hugging the animal. "They're gone. We can't find them. Now grandpa will have to keep working and he's so sick..." The child started to sob frantically, big tears flowing down his face. He stayed kneeling, his body shaking with emotion.

"We can't activate the gate with him there," John said. "He's right where the vortex forms. It would vaporize him."

"You'd better do somethin' soon," Carson said walking forward so that he was standing just behind John. "Rodney's blood pressure is so low that he's passed out. I need to get him to the OR or he'll die."

"He is just a child," Teyla said.

"Who happens to be fifteen feet tall," Ronon said.

John thought for a moment. "I've got an idea," he said.

Still cloaked, he zoomed down in front of the puppy. Boo jumped up and barked, barely missing the Jumper. He broke away from Jakob and ran towards the trees in pursuit of the tiny craft.

"Boo !" Jakob cried out getting to his feet. "Baby Boo come back !" He chased after the fleeing puppy.

John sped through the trees and as soon as the puppy ran into the foliage John looped the Jumper up and back towards the DHD. He dropped the cloak and switched to shields as he approached the giant red button. He slowed slightly and used the shield to smack the button and trigger the gate. As soon as the wormhole formed John flew through the event horizon.

Jakob watched from the tree line, open mouthed, as the wormhole shut down.

oOo

Several days later John, Ronon and Teyla walked into the Infirmary to see how Rodney was doing. Carson saw them briefly before he let them through to the back where Rodney was resting.

"Ya can only see him for a few minutes," Carson said looking up from his paperwork. "He had extensive internal bleeding as well as that leg wound."

"I know Doc," John said as they walked past. "We just want to see how he's doing is all."

Rodney turned his head towards them and smiled as they pushed through the curtain. He had an IV attached to his left hand and a nasal canula which he kept figiting with as they talked. John could sympathize. He knew how uncomfortable they were.

"It is good to see you well," Teyla said.

"Yeah," John added. "How long before you can be released from confinement ?"

"Not until I can keep solid food down," Rodney said. "I was kinda out of it. How'd you get out of the tortoise cage ?"

John laughed. "I stood on the tortoise...What ?" he said looking at the others. "He didn't care for me using him as a stepstool but he was too slow to do anything about it."

"Hum. Well Ronon and Teyla had the easy shift," Rodney said. "We had to deal with giant dogs, people, cats and rats. All you had to do was camp out under the stars."

Teyla looked sideways at Ronon. "Yes Rodney," she said evenly. "We had a very quiet night. Nothing happened at all..."

oOo

There you are. Boy that turned into a giant one !! ;D  
Seriously though, I'd love some reviews (as always)  
debbie


	75. A Giant Problem Part III

**Disclaimer:** yada yada yada

I didn't originally have a third installment in mind but this just kinda grew from the last one. This story stands alone but it would probably make more sense if you read the last two chapters first.

OK. We've met the people, now we meet their government...

A/N Could they make their own batteries ? Sure. But why make them when you can steal them ;D

**A Giant Problem Part III**

"You want to do what ?" John couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Rodney we barely survived the last trip to that planet. You've only been out of the Infirmary for a couple of weeks."

"I am well aware of that Colonel," Rodney said looking up from his data padd. "But we weren't prepared the last time. We didn't know what we were walking into."

"Yeah and now we do. That makes it doubly crazy."

"Look we'll take a modified Jumper. Do you realize what I could do with say a giant battery. Or if they had any other power source on a giant scale ? We know that they have electricity."

"And for all we know huge ass solar panels."

"It still should be worth checking out. We didn't see much of the planet last time."

"I saw enough thank you."

Rodney sighed. "Frankly so did I. But a giant battery or two could supplement our naquadah generators and help to keep essential systems running. At least until I can get my hands on another zed p m."

"What about getting back ?" Ronon asked. "We couldn't dial the gate the last time."

John glanced across the conference table at Ronon and grinned.

"The problem last time wasn't with the on board DHD," Rodney explained. "It just didn't have enough power to activate the gate. If I piggy back one of our naquadah generators into the system that should alleviate the problem."

"Should ?" John said.

"Yes," Rodney said irritated. "Should. Obviously I have no way of actually testing it from this side."

"So we might get stuck again ?" John asked leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

"Are you trying to irritate me ? I just said that the only problem was the power output..."

Elizabeth cleared her throat loudly.

Rodney stopped in mid sentence and turned to look at her.

"Gentlemen please," she said. "Now Rodney is this worth the risk ?"

"There should be a minimal risk involved," Rodney replied. "We'll be in a cloaked Jumper so we should be able to slip in and out without detection. Once I've added a generator we'll be able to dial straight back."

"We _should _be able to," John said straight faced.

Rodney sighed loudly. "Yes, should. Do you want to start this all over again ?"

"Just sayin'."

Elizabeth rubbed her face. It was like being in kindergarden all over again. "Well equip two Jumpers so that if we need to we can follow you," she said. "How long will that take ?"

"Couple of hours for the first one and then Radek can equip the second once we've gone."

"If I am not needed," Teyla said. "I have been promising to visit the settlement on the mainland."

"That shouldn't be a problem," Elizabeth replied. "Should it ?"

John and Rodney both shook their heads.

"Nope," John said. "No problem. We oughta be able to handle it. Just a guy's day out."

"Oh please," Rodney said getting up.

"In a couple of hours then," Elizabeth said as they left the conference room.

oOo

As they flew across the open field it looked fairly normal from the air. John noticed the house where they'd been held before as he headed towards the city. Rodney was concentrating on his computer.

"Straight ahead," Rodney said without looking up. "There's a city and what looks like a power grid. If there's anything of interest it'll be there."

John nodded. It didn't look to him as if they were technically advanced. There were some square shaped cars going up and down a few sparse roads but it didn't look highly industrialized. There was a factory type building though, with smoke pluming from several chimneys. No skyscrapers in evidence. The tallest building seemed to be no more than three stories high. Everything was square and utilitarian looking. There were no bright colors around, only a few flowers in some of the outlying homes that had gardens. Even the people that he saw looked drab and somber.

"To our right," Rodney said looking up. "That big building just ahead."

"Doesn't look like they have much," John observed.

"I'm beginning to think that a few batteries will be all that we can use," Rodney said. "Hold it...There...That's what I was afraid of. They're burning some kind of fossil fuel to generate power. That won't be of any use to us."

"Then why drag us all the way to the city ?" John asked. "If you already figured that there wouldn't be anything there."

"Because I couldn't know for certain without checking," Rodney replied closing his laptop. "Besides, if we're going to find batteries then we need to find a store. Which means a town."

John descended and they started to check the streets. "Are you saying," John said as they scanned the surrounding buildings. "That a couple of giant batteries can replace a generator ?"

"Oh no no no no no no," Rodney said raising his hand. "But they should be able to help power non essential systems like some of the lights, freeing up some of the strain on the generators. And at least help as a back up."

"There," Ronon said pointing to the side.

John slowed to a hover. Several people were going in and out of a plain concrete building. Many of them were carrying cloth bags. "General Store" was painted on a crude wooden sign above the door.

John landed on a flat roofed building opposite and they watched the people come and go.

"We'd better wait," John said. "Until there are fewer people around."

Rodney nodded and pulled a power bar from his pocket.

oOo

After a while as the sun was starting to set it looked as though the store was getting ready to close. There were very few people around now and those that were still on the street seemed to be hurrying home.

"Not exactly a party town," Rodney said.

"More like a police state," John replied powering up the still cloaked Jumper. "I heard the old man mention something about a curfew and there seems to be more security than people around."

As the shopkeeper was sweeping the sidewalk John flew past him through the open door. The man raised his head as they passed but went back to his sweeping when he didn't see anyone.

John flew around the inside of the store. It was as plain inside as it was outside. Half empty shelves held basic necessities such as bread but with very little variety.

Rodney nudged John as they flew around a display at the back of the store. "There," he said pointing.

John nodded and landed across the aisle from the display. "So which ones do you want Rodney ?" he asked. "Not that there's much choice."

Rodney looked out of the windshield as John lowered the back door. "If we can get a couple of those mid sized ones down at the bottom then that will be enough to test."

"That's probably all that we can fit in the back. Wait. What do you mean test ?" John said turning to face him.

Rodney peered across at him. "I'm going to need more than two, Colonel. I need to find out if we can recharge them and if we can then two would hardly be worth the effort then would it ?"

"You mean we'll have to come back ?"

"Well...yes. Several times probably. I don't see the problem."

"So are we gonna get 'em or what ?" Ronon asked.

"Well ?" Rodney said getting up.

"Um, yeah. Sure."

It took some effort to get the package off the hook. Once they'd got it onto the floor John used his knife to cut open the packaging and free the batteries which they were then able to roll up the ramp and into the back of the Jumper. Even with the two benches folded up two of them took up most of the rear compartment.

By the time that they were airborne again the store was closed and deserted. John found a small window at the top of the building and vaporized it using a drone.

When the gate was in sight Rodney reached down to his left and turned the naquadah generator on. It lit up with a gentle hum and Rodney punched the address into the onboard DHD. He smiled as the gate responded and the wormhole formed.

John decloaked and sent through his IDC. They entered the event horizon and the wormhole shut down.

Nearby a tall man stepped out from behind a tree. He raised a large hand held radio to his mouth.

"Commander," he said. "They are coming through again. And this time they can fly."

oOo

The two men sat watching the security camera tape on a small TV screen. The black and white image showed John and Ronon rolling the batteries across the aisle and then disappearing as they entered the cloaking field.

"One of the windows was destroyed which triggered the alarm," the smaller of the two men said. "And Kryten saw a flying craft appear and go through the Ring. It seems that the little people have some way of hiding themselves from view."

"Do you think that they'll return ?"

"Perhaps. We could watch the Ring and station some men inside the store."

The man nodded briefly. "Do it," he said.

oOo

It had been several days since they had stolen the batteries from the giant planet. Teyla was still on the mainland and Ronon had managed to invent an excuse to join her.

John was sitting in the mess hall when Rodney walked over and sat opposite him. John looked up and nodded as Rodney placed a large cheese danish in front of him. "Bribery Rodney ?" he asked.

Rodney waved his hand casually. "Incentive. Care to come on a little excursion back to the giant world ?" he asked taking a bite out of his own pastry.

John didn't know where Rodney had managed to find danishes the week before the Daedalus was due and frankly he didn't care. "I take it that your tests went well," he said taking a bite.

"Not as well as I was hoping but well enough," Rodney said between mouthfuls. "There's no way to recharge them with our equipment but they do hold enough of a charge to run several of our systems for long enough to make them a viable back up option."

John paused and stared at him for a moment. "Translation, we need to go and get some more."

"Yes that's what I said."

"Should we wait for Ronon and Teyla to get back ?"

"I don't think that we need to," Rodney said casually. "It's very straightforward. What could go wrong ?"

oOo

"What could go wrong ?" John said sarcastically as the large guard dog glared at them and growled. It was standing between them and the cloaked Jumper and was slowly advancing towards them.

"How was I supposed to know that they'd post a guard ?" Rodney hissed as they backed away. "It was only a few batteries. Who knew that they'd even miss them ?" Rodney had his handgun in his right hand and was ready to fire.

"That's only going to piss him off," John said while silently cursing their decision to leave their P90's back in Atlantis. "I suggest that we divide and conquer. If we go in opposite directions he can't chase both of us. The first one of us to get back to the Jumper comes after the other."

Rodney didn't look at all convinced but he slipped his gun back into it's holster. "O....K..." he said uncertainly.

"On three," John said. "You head to the left and I'll go right. One...two...three !"

Rodney ran without looking back. He was sure that the dog would be right behind him. He could almost feel the animal's breath on the back of his neck.

He ran around a large display and stopped suddenly as a man dressed in a black jumpsuit was standing blocking the aisle. Before Rodney could react the man reached down and grabbed him firmly. Rodney felt his still recovering ribs protesting as the man dropped him into a wooden box with a caged front and closed the lid.

"I have one," he said loudly carrying the box by a leather handle on top.

Rodney found himself being thrown to the back and he was dazed as he collided with the wooden walls of his prison. He grunted in pain as he slid to the side and hit his right shoulder. He was hoping that John was doing better as he collapsed to a sitting position at the back of the box.

"Where is the other one ?" another man said. "Brutus...Here boy...Oh ! The dog has him we're too late."

Rodney moved quickly to the front of the box and stared in horror at the dog who was hunched over with a small figure clenched tightly in his jaws. There was a sickening crunch as the animal bit down.

Rodney could feel himself getting sick as he sat back covering his face with his hands, unable to watch any more.

"Bad dog," the man was saying. "There's nothing left. We had better tell the Commander."

The men walked out of the store carrying the box with Rodney inside. Rodney was sitting with his head in his hands as the men faced their C.O.

"Idiot !" the man said. "Give him here."

Rodney was flung against the side of the box again, striking the wall with his right shoulder as the man passed the box across.

"You will both take a demotion !" the man snapped. "Now get back to base and take that animal with you." He lifted the box to his face and stared in at Rodney through the cage door.

Rodney felt a cold shiver go down his spine as he stared into the man's cold grey eyes.

oOo

_A/N I was awfully tempted to leave it here for a cliffie at this point but I was feeling nice so let's continue..._

oOo

After a long car journey the man arrived at a security compound. The man flashed his ID at a guard who saluted sharply and then opened the steel gates. Armed, black garbed, soldiers patrolled the grounds each snapping to attention as the car passed by.

He made his way to an office where his second in command was waiting for him. He got to his feet and saluted as the man entered.

"I have him, " the Commander said dumping the box down heavily onto his desk.

"Only one sir ?"

"The guard's stupid dog got the other one," the man said angrily opening the cage door. "I told Nemor not to have them bring that animal but he overruled my decision."

"Politicians should not interfere in these matters."

"I agree," he said upending the box so that Rodney fell out onto the desk. "Now," he said sitting down in front of the desk and leaning forward. "We are going to have a talk little man."

Rodney was hunched over holding his right arm. He was refusing to look at the man and had his head down and his eyes clenched shut in pain and grief.

The man flicked at Rodney with one hand, knocking him over. Then he grabbed him, holding him firmly, and held him up so that Rodney was close to his face.

Rodney's arms were free but it didn't help. The man was holding him so tightly that he could scarsely breathe. He could feel his ribs cracking again under the strain.

"I am Commander Kubrek. Head of our military and security forces."

"McKay," Rodney gasped. "I could answer your questions better...if I could breathe," he added pushing against the Commander's hand.

The man loosened his grip slightly. "People like you," he said looking serious. "Appear through the Ring every so often. You are the first to come for many years. Yet when we try to follow them back through the Ring our people do not return. Why is that McKay ?"

"They probably get stuck in the gate...er...Ring," Rodney replied still gasping. "You're the first of your size...that we've encountered..." _"And the last I hope," _he thought miserably.

"And what happens when they get stuck ? Can they not back out ? What does this Ring do ? Where have you come from?"

"It's a gateway between worlds," Rodney said. "We are from another planet. A much smaller planet."

"And what of our people ?"

"It only works in one direction at a time. You can't back out once you're in the worm...er...Ring. After thirty eight minutes it shuts down. And if you're...er...stuck in the Ring...you er..."

"You what ?" Kubrek said tightening his grip.

"You get cut in half," Rodney gasped.

Clearly upset the Commander slammed Rodney bodily onto his desk. "So we cannot use this Ring ?" he said loudly. "It is only for others to invade us ?"

Rodney's head was spinning where he'd hit the wooden surface. As he lay dazed Kubrek picked up a sharp metal spike that had small pieces of paper jammed onto it. He pulled the papers off it, grabbed it by it's base, and slammed it down forcefully through Rodney's midsection, pinning him to the table.

"You will tell us all that you know," Kubrek said angrily. "There will be no escape for you McKay."

Rodney's eyes were clenched shut in pain and he was gasping for every breath. He was holding weakly onto the metal spike with his left hand as it jutted just to the left of his navel.

Suddenly a buzzing noise came from a black box to Kubrek's right. He looked annoyed as he punched a button on the front of the box. "Kubrek," he said sharply.

"This is Doctor Rura. I hear that you have one of the little people in your office."

Kubrek glared at the other man as he answered. "Now where did you hear that Doctor ?" he said evenly.

"I will be sending my assistant over for him," the Doctor said curtly. There was a loud click as he disconnected the call.

"How did he find out ?" the assistant asked.

"There are spies everywhere," Kubrek said. "And they're not all ours."

"It will not take him long to get here."

"I know," he said glaring down at Rodney. He picked up a pen and used it to poke Rodney in the chest. "So little man. How do we use the Ring ?" When Rodney hesitated the man poked him again only harder. "How does it work ?"

Rodney cried out in pain. "You have to use the...the DHD...the Dial Home Device...That big thing near the gate...er Ring."

"You're lying," Kubrek said poking him again. "We have hit the buttons on that device before. All that it did was light up. Nothing else happened."

"You have to...to put in the correct...address," Rodney gasped. "The right...symbols for where you want...to go."

Kubrek looked across at his second in command. Before he could say anything else a white coated man walked unannounced into the room. He was carrying a cage similar to the one that Kubrek had. He looked down at the desk where Rodney was still pinned and then at the Commander.

"So you decided to run your own errands Doctor Rura ?" Kubrek said with a small smile which didn't reach his eyes.

"The Director will not be happy with this," the Doctor said. "Every one of these that you have had has died."

"You were allowed to do autopsies Doctor," Kubrek said pleasantly. "Surely you could learn from them ?"

"Not as much as from a live specimen," the Doctor replied sternly. "Release him."

Kubrek reached forward and grabbed the spike by it's base. With a sharp jerk he pulled it free. "He has information that is of use to us Doctor," he said. "I will be talking with Director Nemor about having him returned here."

Rodney had rolled onto his side and was curled up clutching his stomach. The Doctor picked him up and dropped him into the cage. Rodney landed in a heap, his breath knocked out of him by the sudden fall.

"We will see Commander," the Doctor said. "Don't worry. I can see myself out."

Kubrek smiled thinly as the Doctor left but his eyes were cold and staring. "Get the Director on the call box," he said.

oOo

Rodney had the impression that he had leapt out of the frying pan and into the fire.

The Doctor's building was a very short car ride from the base. Once the Doctor got to his office he tipped Rodney out onto the desk and secured him with two large strips of tape. One was across Rodney's legs and the other across his middle. Although the tape had slowed the bleeding Rodney was still struggling for every breath as the Doctor had pressed the tape down tightly. He stared up at the ceiling lights as his head spun and he tried not to vomit.

The Doctor stepped forward into Rodney's line of vision. "Kubrek is right you know," he said. "The military have the upper hand here. You will be returned to him. A pity," he said using a hypodermic syringe to draw blood up from Rodney's stomach wound, poking it through the tape to do so. "Still I shall have time for a few tests," he added walking out of the room.

The burning pain in his side dominated Rodney's consciousness. He closed his eyes and just prayed to die.

"Hey what say we go home ?"

Rodney's eyes snapped open and he turned his head so fast that he almost lost his battle with the nausea as his head spun. "John ?" he said shakily. "How...? I saw you get eaten...The dog...?"

John was using his knife to cut the tape. "Sorry about that," he said. "I was over by a display of toy military dolls. I threw one at the dog. That's what he ate. I guess that it reminded him of his master."

"Oh thank God," Rodney said as John helped him to his feet.

"Easy," John said as Rodney slumped against him. He reached into his pocket and punched the remote, uncloaking the Jumper which was parked on the desk.

John helped Rodney inside using the remote to close the door as he did so. He eased Rodney down into the co-pilot's seat and leapt into the pilot's chair.

"I take it that we have no intention of ever returning to this planet," John said as he powered up the craft.

"You must be joking," Rodney said weakly.

"The hell with the cloak then," John said as they lifted off. "Full power to the shields."

The Doctor stared open mouthed as he opened his door to the sight of the Jumper crashing through his window and flying off into the night.

As they approached the gate Rodney reached down with his left hand and powered up the naquadah generator. Then he reached across and dialled the DHD.

"That's not the address for Atlantis, Rodney," John said glancing down.

"I know," Rodney said. "I think they're...watching the gate...I don't want to lead them to our home. This is that deserted desert world...we found a few months ago."

They flew through and circled back ready to dial again as soon as the wormhole shut down.

"Why not a space gate Rodney ?"

"Because I'm afraid of what...they'll do...Look," he said pointing with his left hand. "Someone's coming through."

A very scared and confused young boy stepped through the event horizon. He stumbled as he exited and jumped in fright as the gate shut down.

"He doesn't look any more than five years old," John said.

"Yeah," Rodney said. "I figured they might...do something like...that."

As soon as the boy was far enough away from the gate Rodney dialled the address for the giant world.

As the boy hesitated John turned on the exterior microphone and spoke to him. "Don't be afraid," he said as the boy looked up at them. "Step through the Ring. It will take you home."

After a few moments the boy ran through the gate and the wormhole shut down.

"Let's go home," Rodney said weakly. With a groan he fell forward, unconscious, his head hitting the console with a loud thud.

"Crap !" John said. He rapidly dialled the gate and sent through his IDC. "Atlantis. We need a medical team to meet us in the gateroom."

oOo

It was four days later before Rodney regained consciousness and another day before Carson would let anyone into the ICU to see him, even briefly.

John walked quietly through the curtains to where Rodney lay recovering from the injuries inflicted on him by Commander Kubrek.

Bandages stretched across Rodney's chest where his ribs were securely strapped. A large purple bruise covered the right side of his face from where he had been thrown around inside the wooden box. The monitor beeped steadily as Rodney appeared to be sleeping.

John stood for a moment watching him rest. He was just about to leave when Rodney opened his eyes. "Hey," Rodney said quietly.

John smiled. "The Daedalus arrived yesterday," he said. "I scored us half a dozen danishes before Radek found them. I've got them stashed for when Carson gives you the all clear."

"Right now I'd settle for water," Rodney said with a small smile.

"Sure," John said pouring water from a jug by the bedside and handing him the glass.

"Thanks."

"That was a close call," John said sprawling in the chair next to the bed. "Carson said that you nearly died."

"Hum. Thanks to you I didn't. That Kubrek was a scary guy," Rodney said rubbing his eyes with his left hand. "I'll take our military any day."

"I didn't see much of him. I stayed out of sight at the store until they left with that dog. Then I followed your Transponder signal in the Jumper but I couldn't find a way into that facility. When the Doctor came and got you I followed him to his office, flew through an open window and got into his room when he opened the door. The rest you know. How'd you know that they'd send a kid through the gate ?"

"I didn't," Rodney said trying to stretch and then changing his mind when it hurt. "But I'd told him that they couldn't use the gate because they were too big. So..."

"So you figured that he'd be low enough to use a child."

"Yeah...Wonder if the wraith ever visited that planet," Rodney said sleepily.

"Who knows. Now that would be an encounter worth watching."

"My money would be on Kubrek."

John laughed. "Yeah I wouldn't cover that bet. Wonder how long Kubrek could feed a hive ship..."

When Rodney didn't answer John glanced to his right. Rodney had drifted off to sleep, his head lolled to the side.

John stretched back and picked up the DVD remote. He smiled as the movie started. Turning the volume down low he settled down to watch as the title sequence for "Them!" flashed across the screen.

oOo

A/N "Them!" is a very old (like 1954 old) sci fi movie about giant ants ;D

As I deliberately made the people sympathetic in the last two chapters I also deliberately made the government just the opposite - I felt that they would be oppressive and controlling, keeping the people in fear. A little darker perhaps.

Love some reviews (as always)  
debbie


	76. Out Of The Frying Pan

OK Sorry for the delay. Work's been kinda busy (a good thing I guess). Time, I think, to acknowledge the later seasons. My first McKeller ;D (I lost my entire recorded collection of SGA episodes when my DVR crashed so I hope that I'm accurate here - yeah I'm still in mourning :P )

**Disclaimer: **yeah whatever.

This started out as "Blazing A Trail" but then metamorphed so it's now....

**Out Of The Frying Pan...**

They stepped through the gate and out into the bright sunshine. John slipped his sunglasses on and looked around. The area looked deserted.

"What exactly is supposed to be here ?" Ronon asked. "Apart from miles of nothin'."

"It's not barren Ronon," Teyla said smiling. "You should appreciate the beauty of the foliage."

Rodney looked up from his data padd. They were surrounded by a sparse forest with a distinct grass covered trail leading through the trees towards a steep hill. "No humanoid life signs, apart from us," he said. "What I'm hoping to find here is a supply of naquadah ore. The database indicated that it used to be mined here before the wraith culled the planet years ago. If there's still some here then a team of geologists and marines should be able to extract enough to repair the generators that were depleted after the last attack on the city."

"But why _us_ Rodney ?" John said. "Surely there are other teams better suited ?"

"You're beginning to sound like McKay," Ronon said.

Rodney glared at him. "Oh ha. Very funny. There _are _other teams better suited and they're all out on other worlds checking them out. Time is of the essence here and there were over fifty different mining sites listed in the database..."

"Oh so you did try to dodge the duty," Ronon said grinning.

"Yes well the quicker we check this out, the quicker we can get back to something more interesting," Rodney replied. He looked forward and then back at his padd. "It's up and over the hill of course," he added pointing forward. "Why do we never bring the Jumpers to these places ?"

"Nowhere to park Rodney," John said walking forward. "Nowhere to park."

"And the walk will do you good," Ronon said following him.

Teyla patted Rodney on the shoulder. "Come on Rodney," she said smiling.

"Whatever," Rodney said slipping the padd into his pocket and following behind Ronon.

oOo

By the time that they reached the top of the hill Rodney was hot, sticky, tired and in full gripe mode...

"I just can't believe this. Do you realize how much radiation we're getting ?"

"No Rodney," John replied sounding bored as they started down the other side of the hill.

"It was a rhetorical question. I'm sure that I'm gonna burn. Do I look red to you ? I have very fair skin you know. Oh this is so not fair. Why do they always have these things so far from the gate ?"

"It's a mine Rodney," John said. "It has to be where the ore is."

Rodney pulled his data padd out of his vest pocket. "Well thank God it's not much further," he said gesturing ahead of them "Just up around that curve there."

"Good then maybe you'll stop complaining," Ronon said. "Before we decide to bury you in it."

"Oh please," Rodney said. "You wouldn't...would you ?" he added nervously as Ronon just glanced at him and kept walking.

When they rounded the curve they were greeted by the sight of an obvious mine entrance. Large wooden beams surrounded the square tunnel opening. All that it needed was a big sign saying "mine" and it would have looked like something out of an old cartoon. Small trees and foliage had grown right up to the mine entrance but Rodney ignored them as he walked towards the entrance studying his hand held padd.

"I'm getting some readings here," he said. "But I'll be able to tell more when I get inside."

"Us first," John said moving in front of him. "Just in case."

"Yeah. Might be Iratus bugs in there," Ronon said.

John looked slightly shocked at that thought and switched on the light on his P90 and scanned the walls.

It was noticeably cooler in the mine and John shivered slightly. Whether from the sudden chill or the thought of the bugs he wasn't sure.

"OK," Rodney said. "That's far enough. I'm reading enough of a naquadah deposit for it to be worth sending a team back in."

"We don't have to go any further ?" John asked somewhat relieved.

"Well not unless you want to," Rodney said looking at him, the glow from his data padd illuminating his face. "I have enough data. I just had to get a little way past the entrance to where the scanner would penetrate the soil. There are a lot of minerals in the area that interfere with the readings."

Ronon walked past them looking bored. "Time to go then," he said. "There's weather comin'."

"How can you tell ?" Rodney asked. "I'm not reading any moisture in the air."

"I can feel it."

"There is an electrical build up, however," Rodney said tapping the screen on his data padd as they stepped back out into the daylight.

"There's not many clouds," John said looking up at the sky. "Or birds come to think of it."

"Don't need clouds for an electrical storm," Rodney said. "It just means that it won't rain with it."

As if in reply there was a loud crack as lightning streaked across the sky. Everyone except Ronon jumped at the noise.

"Where did that hit ?" John asked as they continued walking, a lttle faster now.

"Probably hit the gate," Rodney said. "It won't hurt it. Those things get hit by lightning all the time."

As they walked down the hill Ronon sniffed the air. "Somethin's burning," he said.

John looked forward. Ronon was right, he could smell smoke from burning trees too.

"Holy crap !" John said as they rounded the curve approaching the gate.

Ahead of them, between them and the gate, was a raging forest fire.

oOo

"We can't get through that," Rodney said loudly.

John looked ahead of them. The trees on either side of the trail were starting to burst into flame. It looked as if there had not been any rain for some time and everything was bone dry as tree after tree started to spontaneously ignite.

"To the side is not an option," John said. "We have to go back."

"Back where ?" Rodney said as John pushed him back up the trail. "There's trees everywhere there too and we can't outrun it."

"Just move Rodney," John said giving him another shove forward.

They ran back up the trail. About two thirds of the way up the hill Rodney stopped and bent over, his hands on his knees, breathing heavily. "I...I can't do this," he said.

"You don't have any choice," John said pulling Rodney's pack from his back and tossing it at Ronon who caught it easily. "Come on," he added grabbing Rodney's left arm. "We can take cover in the mine."

At the top of the hill John stopped for a moment and looked back. Thick black smoke filled the air and his eyes stung from it. The flames were steadily advancing. They were already past the point where Rodney had stopped to rest.

"I wonder if this is why the people never returned," Teylas said as John caught up with them.

"You mean this happens on a regular basis ?" Rodney asked. "I don't remember reading anything in the database about it."

"Don't mean it don't happen," Ronon said striding ahead.

"I'm sure that that's a double negative somewhere,' Rodney said.

Ronon just looked at him for a moment and shrugged. "Mine's just around the corner," he said.

They switched on the lights on their P90's as they walked into the gloom of the main tunnel.

"Are we sure that this is a good idea ?" Rodney asked.

"You got a better one ?" Ronon asked.

"Are you claustrophobic Rodney ?" John said grinning.

"Not around machinery," Rodney said. "In here...a little."

"Well at the rate that fire's moving it won't take long for it to pass," John said. "Thirty minutes maybe and then we can go back outside."

"Hum," Rodney said taking his hand held padd out of his pocket. "I guess since I'm in here I might as well get some more readings."

"Don't stray too far," John said. "Don't make me come find you."

"Yes mum," Rodney said waving his flashlight in John's direction. He was already busy watching his screen as he moved deeper into the mine.

"Shall I go with him ?" Teyla asked.

"I don't think that you need to," John said. "He'll stay close."

"I _can_ hear you you know," Rodney called back.

John grinned and walked back towards the entrance. Teyla looked back towards Rodney and then followed John. Truthfully, she really didn't like tunnels either.

oOo

Rodney held his flashlight in his right hand and his data padd in his left. He was totally engrossed in the readings on the small screen and didn't notice as the tunnel forked and he left the main path.

"Strange," he said stopping. He slipped the flashlight under his armpit so that he could use both hands on the padd. The scanner was showing a single lifesign. It wasn't human but it was ahead and to the side. Rodney took the light back in his right hand and shone it ahead of him nervously.

Suddenly a jet of fire burst out in front of him from a side tunnel. The smell of sulphur filled the air and Rodney fell backwards dropping both the flashlight and the data padd.

He grabbed his P90 where it hung from its strap around his chest and turned on the light.

In front of him was a full fledged dragon.

It's scales reflected the light with a blue/green shimmer and it's eyes were glowing red seemingly with a light of their own. Long teeth and claws showed up white in the darkness as the creature approached. It took in a noisy breath as it got ready to shoot another jet of flame in Rodney's direction.

Rodney squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the trigger of his weapon spraying the area with bullets.

The creature roared loudly and turned and fled down the tunnel away from the sudden noise.

Rodney opened his eyes and tried to control his breathing. He breathed a large sigh of relief. As he started to get to his feet there was a loud creaking noise from the timbers above him and then the ceiling collapsed.

oOo

"Was that gunfire ?" Teyla asked looking behind them.

They were standing near the entrance watching the fire as it consumed every surrounding tree.

John looked at her for a moment and then without answering he turned and ran back into the mine. "Rodney.." he yelled out. "Rodney !"

They ran down the tunnel for about half a mile and then stopped.

"Surely he would not have come this far ?" Teyla asked.

"I doubt it," John said. "OK. Let's backtrack. See if there's a tunnel off to the side."

Ronon was lagging behind scanning the ground. "Here," he said waving the flashlight that he was carrying. He crouched down and touched the loose soil. "He went off this way," he said pointing to his right.

They followed the tunnel warily, unsure of what Rodney could have been shooting at. A few yards down the passage they came across a wall of dirt where the tunnel had collapsed. There was no sign of Rodney.

John tapped his radio. "Rodney ?" he said. "Rodney can you hear me ?"

Rodney awoke slowly and groaned. Everything was pitch black and he couldn't move. He was lying on his stomach and his P90 was digging into his chest. It was incredibly difficult to breathe and he tried unsuccessfully to shift his position slightly.

"_Rodney_ ?" John's voice came through his earpiece. "_Rodney can you hear me ?"_

He managed with some effort to move his left arm enough to tap his radio. "John...?" he gasped weakly.

"_Thank God you're OK. It looks like the tunnel collapsed. We were afraid that you were under it."_

"I think...I am."

oOo

"Wait," John said as Ronon moved forward to start digging. "This is loose. If we try to dig him out from this side we could end up burying him completely."

"What do we do then ?" Ronon asked.

"Rodney ?" John said. "Ronon and I will run back to the gate and get help. What were you shooting at anyway ?"

"_A...a dragon. Oh my God. What if it...if it comes back ? Sheppard I'm, I'm stuck here."_

John looked at the others, a surprised expression on his face. "A dragon ?" he asked.

"_I I know it sounds...crazy. Breathed fire...and everything...I could be...toast."_

"Look there may be another entrance. Just stay still we're be right back."

"_Like I have...a choice_."

"I will stay here with you Rodney," Teyla said.

"_Wish you were...this side_."

With a quick nod to Teyla John ran to the entrance with Ronon following behind. The fire had passed them by leaving nothing in it's path but charred stumps of trees and blackened ground. The smell of burnt wood hung thickly in the air.

"I'll scout around and see if I can find another entrance," Ronon said.

"I'll be back with a Jumper," John said. "Guess I don't have to worry about having too many trees around to land now."

oOo

Rodney could hardly breathe. It was totally dark in the tunnel and he'd lost his flashlight when the ceiling caved in. He was buried up to his shoulders with his left arm and hand free and his right trapped beneath him along with his P90 which was digging painfully into his chest and stomach. He was trying to fight the feeling of claustrophobia that was welling up inside.

"_Rodney ?_" Teyla said.

"Still here," he gasped.

Teyla smiled. "_John will be back very soon_," she said. "_And he will bring help and a medical team_."

Rodney hoped that Jennifer would be with them. Not that he wanted her to see him like this per se... Although come to think of it she'd seen him in worse situations. He smiled at the thought of her.

"How long has...it been ?" Rodney asked.

"_Just a few minutes."_

"Seems...longer somehow..." Rodney coughed as the dust clogged his nose and winced as every movement sent a spasm of pain through him.

"_Doctor McKay ?"_

"I'm...fine...considering.....What's that ?"

"_What ?"_

"I hear a noise...oh no..." Rodney said trying to turn his head towards the sound from the tunnel beyond him. A burst of fire appeared in the tunnel some distance away temporarily lighting up the area with a yellow glow. "The dragon's...coming back," he said with a panicked sound in his voice.

"_Stay quiet," _Teyla said. "_Perhaps it will not see you_."

"Oh God," Rodney said quietly as the creature moved towards him.

The dragon apparently had no trouble seeing in the darkened tunnel as it made it's way forward. A second burst of flame threatened to singe Rodney's hair and he yelped in surprise and then pain as the creature put it's foot firmly on his right shoulder, digging it's claws deep into his back. Rodney again yelled in pain as the animal pulled, seemingly trying to pull him out. It's claw tore loose leaving a gaping wound in Rodney's shoulder, tearing easily through his tac vest and exposing a glint of bone.

Rodney gasped as the pain washed over him and then flinched as another jet of flame came very close to his face, reddening his skin. The animal put it's face down to Rodney and sniffed. Although Rodney couldn't see it he could feel it's breath and smell the stench of sulphur as it checked him out.

Suddenly a burst of red light shot up the tunnel and the dragon roared in pain. It tried to turn in the confined space flicking Rodney in the face with it's tail as it did so.

"_Ronon..."_ Rodney thought as he slipped into unconsciousness.

oOo

"McKay...McKay..."

Rodney groaned and opened his eyes. A flashlight lay on the ground a few feet from him illuminating the area. Ronon was crouching by his head poking at his uninjured shoulder. There was no sign of the dragon.

"OK, OK," Rodney said quietly. "Quit poking me. Where's our...dragon friend ?"

"Dunno," Ronon said gesturing towards another tunnel. "It ran down there. There's several entrances on the other side of the hill. This must be it's lair or somethin'. Could be more of 'em," he added.

"Oh thank you..." Rodney gasped. "For that...thought."

Ronon had put a pressure bandage on Rodney's shoulder although he had no way of tying it in place. Fresh blood was soaking through, staining it bright red.

"_I have found the entrance that you used," _Teyla said over the radio. _"I will stay out here and guide John to you_."

It was almost thirty minutes later when John appeared behind Ronon. Doctor Jennifer Keller pushed her way past and crouched by Rodney's side.

"There's another Jumper heading this way," John said. "With some more engineers and equipment."

Jennifer stood up and moved closer to John. "We need to get him back to Atlantis quickly," she said quietly. "He's pale and clammy and his pulse is rapid. He's going into shock and I can't stop the bleeding here. And he could be hemorrhaging internally," she added.

"We just can't start digging Doc," John said. "The tunnel's unstable. We could bury him. And us too."

Jennifer sighed and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. "I know," she said as she slipped a pair of gloves on. "OK. Get me as much light as possible over here. I'll have to do what I can." She knelt down next to Rodney and brushed her hand lightly against his face. "Rodney ?" she said leaning close. "Rodney ? We're going to start an IV and get some oxygen on you." She strapped an oxygen mask over his face and checked the flow on the tank. "Bring me a bag of D5W," she said to the medic with her. "And get me another light over here." Jennifer wiped Rodney's left hand with an alcohol swab and deftly inserted the needle, securing it with tape as the medic hung the IV bag from a pole jammed into the ground.

She placed another bandage on Rodney's shoulder and then held his hand lightly as the engineers worked on freeing him.

When they'd moved most of the earth they carefully pulled Rodney free and placed him onto a stretcher. By this time he was unconscious and Jennifer looked serious as she listened to his chest with her stethoscope.

"There are no sounds on his left side," she said placing her 'scope around her neck. "He could have a collapsed lung or a hemothorax. We've got to get him to the OR, stat !"

"Gather up your people and equipment and then get out of here," John said as he followed Jennifer and the medics to the first Jumper. "There's a dragon around."

"A dragon ?" Major Lorne said with a baffled look on his face.

oOo

Jennifer smiled to herself as she watched Rodney sleep. It had been three days since the cave in and they'd been able to remove the ventilator just a few hours earlier.

She hadn't been prepared for how difficult it had been for her to do the surgery. She had had to keep her emotions firmly in check. With Doctor Beckett offworld there was no one else as qualified to operate. And she wouldn't have allowed it anyway.

"I guess now you know me inside and out," Rodney said quietly opening his eyes slightly.

"Well inside you're pretty much the same as everyone else," she said as she tucked her clipboard under her arm and moved closer to his side.

"And outside ?"

"Nobody else like you," she said brushing her hand lightly across his forehead, carefully avoiding the burn on his face. "Want some ice chips ?"

"Hum," Rodney said sleepily. "If that's all you're offering."

"That's it for now," she said kissing him lightly on his cheek. "Later we'll have to see..."

oOo

There we go. My very first McKel ;D  
Love some reviews (as always)

debbie


	77. Sibling Rivalry

Well it's been quite a while but here we go again. Been super super busy but I'm not out of ideas yet ;D

**Disclaimer: **yada yada yada

**Sibling Rivalry.**

Rodney sighed deeply and checked his watch.

"Will you quit that," John hissed quietly. "It should be over soon."

"You said that over an hour ago."

"It's a coronation ceremony Rodney. These things tend to go on a while. It's a great honor to be invited...or so I'm told," he added quietly.

"One that Ronon and Teyla managed to dodge. I think that they saw it coming."

"That was a very convenient mainland emergency I'll grant you."

"Oh for heaven's sake just plop the crown on her head and be done with it," Rodney muttered.

A couple standing in front of them turned around to stare.

"Sorry," John said quietly. He elbowed Rodney hard in the ribs.

Rodney glared at him for a moment but stayed silent as the ceremony continued.

oOo

"I can't believe that we stood there for over four hours of posturing and chanting and then they didn't even have a meal. Can you believe that ?" Rodney said loudly as they walked back to the gate. "What kind of coronation doesn't end with a banquet ?" he added waving his arm back towards the castle.

"This kind apparently," John said handing him a power bar.

The sun was rapidly setting and they cast long shadows across the open ground as Rodney walked up to the DHD. "Well at least we'll be home in time for dinner," he said hitting the buttons in rapid succession. With a final flourish he hit the big red button in the middle of the DHD.

The explosion threw John off his feet and a cloud of smoke ascended towards the darkening sky. John looked up, his head spinning. The DHD was in pieces spread across the ground. Rodney lay several yards away from him his back towards him. He wasn't moving.

"Rodney...?" John said as everything faded to black and he passed out.

oOo

John woke up slowly and shivered in the cold. His head was throbbing and the gravel was digging into his cheek. He raised his head which made it spin crazily.

The twin moons were shining brightly in the sky bathing everything in a pale white light. Rodney was still lying in the same position as...how long ago ? He checked his watch as he got unsteadily to his feet. He'd been unconscious for at least half an hour.

"Rodney ?" he said moving towards him. "Rodney..."

John knelt down next to him. Ignoring the pain and nausea that he felt he reached forward and grabbed Rodney by his left shoulder pulling him on to his back.

Rodney gasped in pain and opened his eyes slightly. "John ?" he said quietly. "What happened ?"

"The DHD exploded," John said. He could feel blood running down the right side of his face and wiped it away with his hand.

"That's not...possible," Rodney said as he tried to sit up. He winced in pain and held his side with his left hand as John helped to support him as he got to his feet.

"We need to get back to the castle," John said. "You're hurt."

"No no no no no, you don't understand," Rodney said leaning on him. "A DHD is basically a transmitter...There is nothing in it that can explode. At least not without help."

"And since there's only one settlement...OK we'd better head for the trees before someone comes to check on their handiwork."

It was about one hundred yards to the treeline and Rodney was gasping for breath and hunched over in pain by the time that they reached it. John helped him sit down with his back against a tree.

"Let me see," John said moving Rodney's hand from where it was clasped against his abdomen.

Rodney winced as John undid his tac vest to check on the wound. John pulled a small flashlight and a bandage from his pockets.

"How bad does...it look ?" Rodney asked leaning back with his eyes closed.

"Looks like you've got a piece of shrapnel in there," John said.

Rodney gasped as John applied pressure to slow the bleeding. "Sorry," John said putting gauze over the wound. He peeled the backing from a plastic square covering and pressed it over the padding sticking it to Rodney's skin. He rebuttoned his shirt over it and cinched the tac vest to give it support.

Rodney grunted in pain. "Thanks," he said weakly. "Now what ?"

John sat back on his heels, staying low. "Well I guess I know now why they insisted on no weapons. Got my knife," he added patting his boot. He looked back towards the gate. "It'll be morning before Atlantis checks on us. When they find the DHD destroyed they'll radio for a Jumper." John looked around from their vantage point without getting up. "Someone's coming," he whispered.

Several men had walked over to the damaged DHD. They held lanterns up to see the area. John could hear them talking. They were obviously not concerned about anyone overhearing.

"The trap worked," one man said standing by the DHD. "So where are they ?"

"There's blood over here," a second man said. He was crouched down touching the ground. "At least one of them's hurt. He won't get far."

John crouched closer to the tree as the men looked in their direction.

"Can they see us ?" Rodney asked quietly.

"I don't think so," John replied.

"It's too dark now Lathan," the first man said. "We will bring the Kaplan and hunt them at first light."

As the men headed back towards the castle Rodney looked at John wide-eyed. "I don't like the sound of that," he said. "What shall we do ?"

"It'll be several hours until dawn," John said. "We're gonna have to find someplace to hide until help comes. Come on," he said helping Rodney to stand. Rodney bent over and grunted in pain holding his side. "We have to get as far away from the gate as possible," John added.

oOo

John held his flashlight in his left hand as he supported Rodney with his right. Between the underbrush and Rodney being wounded it was slow going. After about an hour they took a break and sat down for a few minutes.

John rubbed gently at the side of his temple, exploring the cut gingerly. He still felt slightly nauseus and he had a headache that wouldn't quit. Rodney was faring worse, however. He was leaning back against a tree with his eyes closed. He was breathing shallowly and he looked very pale in the moonlight. John was worried. Although he'd stopped the external blood loss there still could be internal bleeding.

"They obviously targeted us," Rodney said looking at him. "If they wanted to attack us wouldn't it have been easier at the ceremony ?"

"Easier maybe but also more public," John said. "Come on," he added getting up and helping Rodney to stand. "We need to find somewhere to hide."

oOo

John was lying flat on the ground looking down in the direction of the stargate. Behind him the sun was just starting to crest over the horizon. He stayed very still to avoid being silhouetted against the dawn's light. They had managed to make their way up to the top of the hill where the forest had thinned out.

John had hidden Rodney at the base of an enormous tree where the massive root structure formed a large hollow. He had covered him with branches and he was now looking for any signs of the men that had been there earlier. From his vantage point he had a good view of the clearing between the gate and the forest although he couldn't actually see the gate itself. John checked his watch and silently cursed that he didn't have a stunner on him. It was barely four am by Atlantis time. They couldn't expect anyone to be sent for several hours yet.

It wasn't long before John saw them walk out into the clearing. John counted eight men. The one leading them appeared to be wearing some kind of chest armor that reflected the light. Behind him three of the men had large cougar-like animals on short leashes. The animals were pulling ahead like they were following a scent.

"So that's a Kaplan," John muttered to himself. "Crap !" he added as they followed the path that they had been walking on earlier. It wasn't going to take them long to catch up.

John made a drastic decision. He stood up and waited long enough for one of the men to see him. It only took a few seconds before one of the group pointed in his direction and they turned towards him. With a quick glance to where Rodney was hidden he ran to his left away from the trees.

John ran down the opposite side of the hill trying to put some distance between himself and the Kaplan. He was hoping that they weren't going to let the animals loose...

oOo

"There," Lathan said pointing to the top of the hill. "We have them, Sire," he added as John ran out of sight.

"Perhaps," the leader said. He shielded his eyes from the rapidly rising sun. "Leave Veruse and Donar with me and track him. Remember Lathan," he said firmly. "I want them alive. The Lanteans are of no use to me dead."

Lathan nodded and ran up the hill with four of the men and two of the Kaplan.

"Do you suspect something Sire ?" Veruse asked as the remaining animal strained at the leash that he was holding.

"One of them has been hurt. He's either dead or the Colonel is leading us away from him. I do not see why he would allow himself to be so easily seen otherwise. We will take the Kaplan up to the ridge and see if it can pick up the other's scent. I suspect that he is nearby."

"As you wish, Sire," Veruse replied with a small bow.

oOo

The branches were pulled back suddenly from the base of the tree.

Rodney lifted his right arm to shield his eyes from the sudden light reflected from the man's body armor.

"Doctor McKay I presume," the man said looking down at him.

oOo

John had barely got a mile before they caught up to him. When they'd reached the top of the hill they released the two animals who rapidly raced after him with a baying noise not unlike that of a bloodhound.

John reached the edge of a deep gorge. He stopped and looked down at the stream far below. It was small and extremely rocky. There was no way that he could jump without killing himself. He turned to face the two animals.

The Kaplan stopped several feet away from him and stood staring at him. Panting hard and with teeth bared they watched him with unblinking green eyes until the five men caught up with them.

Lathan stepped forward as two of the others hooked leashes up to the animal's collars. "Colonel Sheppard," he said calmly. "Please come with us."

John eyed the two animals and the long knife that Lathan held in his right hand.

"You have nowhere to go, Colonel," Lathan said. "And I'm sure that the Prince has found Doctor McKay by now."

"The Prince ?"

"Prince Lanya. The true regant of Zathur."

oOo

They took John to a cluster of houses situated on the outskirts of the main settlement. With a forceful shove they pushed him into a small room and the door was locked behind him. As his eyes adjusted to the reduced light he saw a figure lying on a bed by the wall. "Rodney," he said moving across to him. He shook him gently by his shoulder. "Rodney are you OK ?"

Rodney stirred and opened his eyes slightly. "Sheppard ?" he said quietly.

"Yeah to the rescue," John said with a lopsided grin. He stared as Rodney shivered. "It's not cold in here," he said putting his hand briefly on Rodney's forehead. "Rodney, you're burning up."

"I'm fr...freezing..." Rodney replied. "Are there any more blankets ?"

John walked over to another bed and pulled the thin blanket from it. He placed it over Rodney who immediately pulled it up around his neck.

John pulled a water bottle from his pocket, opened it with a snap, and gave some to Rodney. He nearly dropped the bottle as the door was suddenly flung open.

Lathan stepped inside followed by a tall man with shoulder length blonde hair. As he was silhouetted in the doorway bright sunlight was reflected from his armor. He stepped forward and a guard standing behind him closed the door.

John squinted as his eyes adjusted to the changing light.

"Colonel Sheppard," the man said. His voice carried authority.

"Prince Lanya," John said standing up. "Are you responsible for this ?" he added gesturing back towards Rodney. "We need a physician. Doctor McKay is hurt."

"Ah yes. I'm sorry about that. I'm afraid that my...employee got somewhat carried away. He has been...disciplined for his...error."

"So let us contact Atlantis and get help. They'll be looking for us soon," John said facing him with his arms crossed.

"I am afraid that that won't be possible at this time," Lanya said with a small smile which didn't reach his eyes. "There is a matter that we need to attend to beforehand."

"So what do you want ?" John asked seriously.

"To the point Colonel," the Prince said calmly. "I expected as much. My sister Kleotra was crowned yesterday at the ceremony that you attended. She is not the true regent and has usurped the throne."

"And let me guess," John said. "You want weapons so that you can take back the crown."

"Exactly."

"We're not going to start a civil war."

"Nor will you. I have many supporters. The people have been deceived into following my sister. They will follow me if given the opportunity. Unfortunately my army is poorly equipped." Lanya spoke evenly and smoothly. More like he was discussing lunch than attacking his sibling.

"So you want to assassinate her is that it ?" John asked frowning.

"Of course not. That would be barbaric. She will be imprisoned until she sees the error of her ways. That does not concern you," Lathan interjected.

The Prince raised his hand and Lathan backed away.

"Woolsey would never go for it," Rodney whispered, still shivering.

Prince Lanya pulled a long, thin bladed, sword from his belt and rested it lightly on Rodney's chest, it's tip pointing at his throat. Rodney swallowed hard and John tensed but didn't intervene.

"It was not a request," the Prince said coldly.

"Atlantis will be trying to contact us soon," John said controlling the anger that he was feeling. "Without a DHD..."

"That was a replica," the Prince replied staring at him. "The original has been restored. Surely you do not think that I am such a fool as to disable our gate ?"

With the Prince's sword mere inches from his throat Rodney decided not to comment...

oOo

"And then he took me back to the gate and here I am while Rodney's still there," John continued, pacing around the conference room as he spoke. "He did say that I could bring a medical team back with me and that he'd meet me by the gate in three hours." John checked his watch. "Two and a half now."

"And Doctor McKay ?" Richard Woolsey asked as he sat at the head of the table.

"Rodney was injured in the explosion but I don't think that they'll do anything else."

"Can we sneak back early ?" Ronon asked. "Surprise 'em ?"

"They had me blindfolded," John said sitting down at the table. "By the time that we track them they'd be looking for us."

"We cannot comply and give them weapons," Woolsey said sitting up straight and adjusting his jacket. "Even with Doctor McKay's life in the balance. I will not be a party to starting a war."

John leaned forward, his hands resting on the heavy conference table. "I have an idea," he said. "I'll need Major Lorne and a team of marines..."

oOo

At the stroke of eight am, Atlantis time, John stepped through the gate along with Ronon. They carried a large box between them.

Lathan was waiting for them along with several of their soldiers armed with swords. Lathan squinted at them in the sunlight as Doctor Keller stepped through along with two medics. They were carrying several large bags and a portable stretcher.

As they walked away from the gate one of the men stopped and stared back at the wormhole.

John and Ronon exchanged a quick glance and Ronon's hand moved slightly towards his blaster as Lathan too stopped.

"What is it Donar ?" he asked.

"The pool," Donar replied. "It is still..." he stopped as the wormhole closed down.

"It is nothing," Lathan said impatiently. "Come. The Prince is waiting for us."

Ronon relaxed as they walked away from the gate.

oOo

When they got to the small settlement two of the soldiers took Doctor Keller and her medical team to the hut where Rodney was.

John and Ronon stopped in the center of the open square where Prince Lanya stood watching them. His arms were crossed across his chest and he stared at them coldly as the sun reflected off his hair and breastplate giving him a golden aura.

Without a word John and Ronon placed the box on the ground in front of the Prince and Ronon opened the lid to reveal that the box was full of P90's.

One of the Prince's bodyguards stepped forward and he picked a gun up from the top of the box. He handed it to the Prince after briefly examining it.

The Prince turned the weapon over and looked at it. He aimed it towards the ground and pulled the trigger.

"What treachery is this ?" he said angrily as nothing happened. He flung the weapon onto the ground in disgust as his bodyguards drew their swords and stepped forward.

Ronon drew his blaster and aimed it squarely at the Prince.

"We have you outnumbered," the Prince said calmly. "And with Doctor McKay wounded you cannot escape."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," John said tapping his earpiece. "Major Lorne if you please."

As John spoke a Puddlejumper appeared behind them. The back door opened and several armed marines stepped out and positioned themselves behind John and Ronon. They knelt down and aimed their weapons at the Prince and his men.

"Unlike those P90's," John said. "Ours have the ammo clips attached. Now we're going to take our stuff back and leave along with Doctor McKay and our medical team."

The Prince glared at them but he knew that they were hopelessly outgunned. He put his sword back into it's sheath and his men followed his lead as the medics came out of the hut carrying Rodney on the stretcher.

"We need to hurry," Jennifer said as she passed. "He's lost a lot of blood and he's got an infection."

"You will pay for this," the Prince said firmly. "I will not be mocked."

"Perhaps," John said as a couple of marines picked up the box of P90's and they backed towards the Puddlejumper's open back door. "But not today," he added with a smile and an informal salute as he followed them.

As Major Lorne closed the door John pushed past the stretcher trying not to look to see how badly Rodney was doing. He got into the pilot's seat as Major Lorne moved to the co-pilot's chair. John rapidly powered up the overloaded craft.

"Hang on," he said as they lifted off and he powered up the shields. "It's gonna be a bumpy ride."

oOo

Several days later John slipped into the Infirmary to visit Rodney.

"Just a few minutes," Jennifer Keller warned trying unsuccessfully to look stern. "He needs to rest."

Rodney half opened his eyes and smiled sleepily as John approached his bedside. "Hey," he said lifting his right hand slightly and then letting it flop back down onto the bed.

"Jennifer said that you might be able to get up and around in a couple of days," John said smiling.

"Hummm," Rodney said. "As long as she keeps the vicodin handy. She took me off the morphine."

"Too loopy huh ?"

"I didn't think so," Rodney said with a small shrug. "I guess the DHD was only supposed to spark not explode ?"

"Right and then they were probably gonna grab us on the way back to the castle. Of course we're probably off their Christmas list now. Since we didn't leave them with any presents."

"That won't hurt my feelings any. Fancy having a coronation without a banquet."

"Could've been worse."

"Oh ? How ?"

"They could've served lemon."

oOo

Well I've finally got another chapter typed ;D Sorry for the delay.  
Love some reviews (naturally)

Coming next: **The Damned Ones**

debbie


	78. The Damned Ones

**Disclaimer: **the usual etc etc etc

Well this chapter picks up from the end of the last one where John suggests that a "lemon" banquet would have been worse. As we all know when I write a story lemons are going to be the least of Rodney's problems...

**The Damned Ones.**

"Oh this is ridiculous!" Rodney said scowling. He was holding an open bottle of water in his right hand and a half eaten power bar in the other.

Everyone else in the room was walking around the heavily laden buffet table with plates piled high with food.

"Does everything have to have lemon in it ?"

"It _is_ their main crop, Rodney," John said trying unsuccessfully not to grin. He was holding a plate filled with warm pastries that were adding to Rodney's torment.

"I know that I've filled you full of antihistamine, Rodney," Doctor Jennifer Keller said from behind him. "But you still need to try not to breathe too much of this."

"Fine," Rodney replied with a huff. "Guess that I need to go outside then." He gave John a pleading look.

"I promised that I'd stay here for the meeting," Jennifer said. "I can come out later and keep you company."

"OK, OK I'll join you," John said reluctantly putting his plate down. He grabbed a small lemon tart on the way out and crammed it into his mouth. It was still warm and John let out a sigh of pleasure.

"Oh just rub it in why don't you," Rodney snorted as he ate the last of his power bar.

"I could go back inside you know," John said wiping his mouth. "Although to be honest I can't say that I'm too upset at missing the treaty meeting and making nice with all those diplomats. There are perks to being the bodyguard. I could just fly you up to the gate," he added.

"I promised Jen that I'd stick around," Rodney answered looking around them. "Is that those lemon trees over there ?"

"Sure looks like it. I wonder why they have a fence around them. In fact the whole city's enclosed...In fact I don't see a door control on this side do you ?"

Rodney turned to look at the closed door behind them "Oh that's charming," he said walking over to the door and running his hand across the wall next to it.. "There was never one here. It was built this way," he added thoughtfully. Rodney took his hand held scanner out of his pants pocket. "Oh now that's interesting," he said turning away from the door.

"What is ?" John said looking confused. "What are you doing with that anyway ? This is a diplomatic mission...Where are you going ? Come back here we need to stay near the door," he added as Rodney started walking towards the forest and he followed.

"I always carry a scanner," Rodney said calmly pressing icons on the screen. "There's an anomalous energy reading through those trees there," he said stopping at the edge of the treeline.

"We should stay here," John said. "In case someone opens the door for us."

"We've got radios," Rodney said pointing to his ear. "And it's not far. Looks to be about half a mile." He stood looking at John who was standing with is arms crossed. "It beats just standing here," he added.

"OK but we don't stay long. I have a creepy feeling about this."

"We won't be far from the city. What could go wrong ?"

"I don't know," John said following as Rodney walked into the forest. "I just want to know why the door's sealed and there are fences everywhere."

"That is kinda curious," Rodney said intently watching his scanner.

"I'm just wondering what they're keeping out....What was that ?"

"What ?" Rodney said looking up.

"I thought I saw something fast move through those trees."

"I'm not detecting any humanoid life signs," Rodney said punching the screen. "Are you sure ?"

"No. What about animals ?"

"This scanner isn't calibrated for animal life. I could adjust it if I had a toolkit."

"Which is...?"

"In my jacket pocket on the back of my chair inside."

"Wonderful."

"I didn't know that I'd need it. Look we're almost at the power source. We might as well continue. Could be a Zed PM."

"Whatever," John said waving him on while still looking around. "This place still gives me the creeps though."

"You're imagining...."

Rodney was suddenly hit by a large furry animal that leapt from behind a tree spitting and snarling. It was about the size of a man and knocked Rodney to the floor, his scanner skidding away from him into the trees. Rodney cried out in pain and fear as he tried to keep the creature's claws away from his face.

John reached for his sidearm before remembering that he didn't have it on him. "Crap !" he said reaching for the knife that he always carried in his boot.

Before John could help Rodney, however, another animal landed on his shoulders knocking him down as it aimed for his throat...

oOo

Jennifer Keller was trying very hard not to yawn. Richard Woolsey was in his element as he smiled and hob nobbed with the gathered diplomats. He loved this kind of thing. Jennifer hated it. She was beginning to think that she should have gone outside with Rodney.

"Don't you agree Doctor ?"

Jennifer pulled her attention back to the tiny man in front of her. He was dressed in a bright red robe that made him look like a large bird and he had been talking for several minutes about...something.

"I'm er not sure," she said glancing around for an excuse to leave.

"But surely you have studied selective infections ?" the man persisted looking puzzled.

"Um, yeah," she said looking across at Ronon who was standing by a tall woman in a blue dress. Ronon, however, was not bothering to try to disguise his boredom. "Just a moment, Ambassador," Jennifer said as she headed towards him.

"Well really," the small man muttered as she walked away.

As Jennifer approached them the lady in blue decided that trying to get Ronon to talk was not worth the effort and she excused herself and turned towards the group where Woolsey was smiling and seemingly intent on every word that the obese diplomat in front of him was saying.

"Hey," Ronon said. "What's up ?"

The lady in blue frowned in their direction as Jennifer grabbed Ronon by the arm and steered him away to the side.

"The boredom is driving me insane," she said quietly. "I need an excuse to get away from these people."

"Teyla seems to like it," Ronon said looking to his left where Teyla was having an animated discussion with a tall man in a grey suit. The man was nodding intently and seemed in awe of her.

"Maybe I just get the boring ones," Jennifer said looking around. "Want to come outside with me ? I need some air."

"Sure," Ronon said scanning the room. "Nothin' to do here."

Jennifer led the way as they headed towards the door where John and Rodney had left earlier. As she reached for the door control a tall, balding man touched her lightly on her arm. "Do not go through that door," he said softly.

"And why not ?" Ronon asked staring at him.

"Do you not see the warning ?" the man replied gesturing towards some squiggly characters printed in green on the door. "None who go through this door can return to the city. It leads to the domain of the Damned Ones."

Jennifer looked horrified. "But...but Rodney and John...my friends, left through this door."

"Then I am sorry. They are gone. The warning is clear. The green color clearly signifies danger." The man looked remarkably calm.

Ronon stepped forward and Jennifer turned and put her hands on his chest, stopping him in his tracks. "Wait," she said. "It won't help them if we get stranded too." She looked back at the native. "What's on the other side of that door ?" she asked firmly.

"Those who are damned. None return so that is all that I know," the man said holding his hands palms up in front of him.

"Let's get Major Lorne and then we can go around in the Jumper," Jennifer said. "If it's outside the city..."

"You get Lorne," Ronon said pushing past her. "I'm going after them," he added as he shoved the door open and walked through.

"Ronon !" Jennifer caught a glimpse of trees and grass before the door closed firmly behind him. The man stared wide eyed at the door and then back at Jennifer.

With a deep breath she turned and went to find Major Evan Lorne.

oOo

Ronon stood still with his back against the closed door. Narrowing his eyes he scanned the area for any kind of movement. He tapped his radio. "Sheppard," he said firmly. "McKay."

When he got no answer he crouched down and checked the tracks. Holding his blaster by his side he followed their footprints into the forest.

He turned suddenly and raised his blaster at a movement to his right but the creature was too fast. Warily, Ronon continued on into the shadows.

Without warning he came upon a small clearing. Laying unmoving , several feet from each other, were John and Rodney. Crouched over each of them were large wolf like creatures that stood on their hind feet and whose fangs were dripping with blood...

Ronon rapidly raised his blaster and fired at the creatures. With two rapid shots he killed the two that were closest to his fallen comrades. As the second creature was flung against a tree several others turned to glare in his direction. Before the animal's body had fallen to the ground they sped rapidly away into the forest.

oOo

Jennifer Keller sat impatiently in the co-pilot's seat tapping on the console as Major Lorne guided the Jumper carefully around the city's gleaming spires. As they circled around she could see the forest stretching out for miles behind the buildings.

She tapped her earpiece. "Ronon...?" she said nervously. "Rodney ?"

"The radios don't seem to work here ma'am," Lorne said calmly. "Must be something to do with the ore in the ground or the atmosphere or something. Doctor McKay could probably explain it."

"Hum," Jennifer said as she concentrated on the ground. "There," she said pointing forward. "There's Ronon...Oh my God..."

Ronon was standing by the back door in the small clearing. He had shot a blast into the air as a flare and this had attracted Evan's attention.

Rodney and John were laying on the ground behind him where Ronon had dragged them out of the forest and Jennifer could see the blood from their aerial vantage point. She swallowed hard and got up to pull the medical kit out from the overhead compartment as Major Lorne landed the Jumper next to Ronon and lowered the back door.

Almost before the door touched the ground Jennifer had rushed out towards Ronon. She resisted the impulse to run past John to check on Rodney. She knelt next to John and quickly checked his pulse and wounds.

"His pulse is strong," she said firmly. "He's got a couple of deep bites on his shoulder but they don't seem to be bleeding too badly. He might have a minor concussion," she added as she briefly checked his eyes. "Load him into the Jumper while I check Rodney."

"John..." Rodney said weakly, blinking in the glare from the sun.

"He's in the Jumper," Jennifer answered as she swiftly checked his injuries. "You've both been bitten," she said standing up. "Get him into the Jumper," she said to Ronon. "They both need stitches and I can't do it here. We've got to get back to Atlantis."

oOo

"How come Rodney got out of here before me ?" John asked as Jennifer removed the IV needle from his left hand. "We both got bit."

"Your wounds were deeper and you had a concussion, he didn't," Jennifer said with a smile. "Now just because I'm letting you out of here doesn't mean that you can go straight back to duty. One week, at least."

"I could appeal to Carson."

"Aye laddie you could," Carson said from behind Jennifer. "And I'd give ya two weeks off."

"So how long before you go back to earth ?" John asked as Jennifer taped his hand.

"Just a couple more days. Why ? Do ya want to do somethin' ?"

"Maybe we could drag Rodney out fishing."

"I'd be happy if you could drag him out of his lab," Jennifer said smiling. "And so would Radek..."

oOo

"Is there anybody in here with an IQ of more than double digits ? Besides me of course."

John paused in the hallway. Rodney was loud enough that he could hear him clearly even through the closed door. With a smile he waved his hand in front of the door control and the door obediently opened.

"It wasn't our fault Rodney," Radek said evenly. "How could we know that the pressure would blow that valve ?"

"Oh I don't know," Rodney said waving his arm. John ducked to the side as Rodney's ever present data padd swung near to his face. "Perhaps it was covered at some point during your time at school. You did go to school ? Excess pressure will blow somewhere along the line and inevitably at the farthest point."

"Murphy's law of physics huh," John said with a grin.

Rodney glanced at him and visibly calmed down. "Something like that," he said tapping on his padd. "Excuse me," he added stepping through the still open door. "If this bunch of cretins can refrain from blowing anything else while I'm gone I need to go and check a manual valve on the far side of the city."

"If you weren't so anal..." Radek muttered as Rodney walked out.

"I heard that !" Rodney yelled back.

"Want some company ?" John asked following him up the hallway.

"If you like. Aren't you supposed to be resting ?"

"Aren't you ?"

"Touche. You could have shaved," Rodney answered glancing at John as they walked.

John rubbed his face. He did feel kinda furry. "_And itchy_," he thought as he scratched his stomach.

oOo

Rodney might be prone to exaggeration but he wasn't kidding when he complained that the valve was across the city. It took two transports, three flights of stairs and a ten minute walk for them to reach the room where the pressure leak had occurred. John was beginning to think that he should've stayed in the lab with Radek when Rodney finally stopped. Especially since he'd been listening to Rodney complain about it for the entire journey.

"I can't believe that they couldn't calculate a simple pressure," Rodney said as he passed his hand over the door control.

"Maybe the valve's defective," John said scratching his arm.

"Well it is _now_," Rodney said walking in to the darkened room and switching on his flashlight. He shone the light at the valve which was still hissing with escaping air. With a sigh he raised his data padd and tapped in a few commands. The hissing noise slowed and then stopped.

"If that's all that it takes then why did we have to come over here ?" John asked. "_Damn !" _he thought. "_Why do I itch ?" _He scratched his stomach.

"Oh why didn't I think of that ?" Rodney replied sarcastically, his back still towards him. "All that I did was turn off the flow. The valve still needs to be repaired and the pressure reset. Since you're here, make yourself useful. Pass me a large Phillips screwdriver out of my toolbag." Rodney waved his hand towards the bag that he'd dropped on the floor. "Or not," he added turning around as John backed into the shadows. "Fine. Don't strain yourself." Rodney crouched down and unzipped the bag.

There was a deep growl from the far side of the room. Nervously, Rodney shone the light into the face of a large wolf like creature that was dressed in John's clothes.

"Colonel...?"

oOo

"Radek !" Rodney yelled into his radio. He was trying to circle around John to get to the door but the animal that had been John Sheppard was blocking him and slowly approaching, his teeth glistening in the light.

"What is it now Rodney ?" Radek replied wearily.

"You know where I am !" Rodney yelled. "Get a security team here ! Sheppard's attacking me !"

"What ?" Radek replied, stunned. Something in the tone of Rodney's voice told him that this was no joke. If there were any doubt then it was removed by the sound of Rodney screaming...

"No !...John....please....help me !"

Radek tapped a button on his console. "Security," he said. "We have an emergency..."

oOo

"I don't understand, Doctor," Richard Woolsey said as he watched the creature pacing back and forth inside the brig. "If they were both bitten then why did the toxin only affect Colonel Sheppard and not Doctor McKay ?"

"I don't know," Jennifer Keller replied. "I drew blood from him after he was stunned and I'm comparing it to samples from earlier and also to Rodney's blood."

"How is Doctor McKay ?"

"He's still under sedation. The creature...er...John bit him on his shoulder and left arm. He had to have twenty stitches in the one bite alone and he lost a lot of blood. Thank God we got to him in time."

"And there's still no sign of any um change ?"

"None whatsoever. But I have a marine watching him just in case."

"I see." Richard Woolsey flinched as the "wolf"" jumped towards him and was thrown back by the forcefield. "Does Doctor Beckett have any input ?"

"He has an idea. He's searching the medical database now..." Jennifer was interrupted by the sound of her radio chirping. "Keller," she said as she lightly tapped her earpiece.

"Doctor. We need you to come to the Infirmary immediately," the young marine said evenly. "It's Doctor McKay. He's started to change..."

oOo

As Jennifer rushed into the Infirmary she heard Carson trying to calm Rodney down.

"Will ya stop fussin' Rodney," he was saying. "It's nae helping."

"That's easy for you to say," Rodney said holding his hands out in front of his face. "You're not the one who's getting covered in...in fur. What will I do ? Am I, am I going to to turn into..."

Jennifer tried unsuccessfully not to look shocked as she rounded the corner and saw Rodney. He was covered in sandy brown fur, the white bandages on his shoulder and arm now a stark contrast against his skin. He was also beginning to look more wolf like. His eyes were almond shaped and a piercing yellow color, the pupils reduced to slits.

When he saw her Rodney looked surprised and then he covered his eyes with his hands and shook his head. "I don't want you to see me like this," he choked. The monitor beeped faster as he got more and more agitated.

Carson turned and steered Jennifer out of the room.

"What are you going to do with him ?" Jennifer asked. "I mean...he's turning into..."

"We're fixin' to move him to the brig next to Colonel Sheppard," Carson replied. "For everyone's safety until we can work this out."

"I don't understand," Jennifer said running her hand through her hair. "Why is he affected now if he wasn't earlier ?"

"I don't know," Carson said somberly. "But I aim to find out."

oOo

Carson turned away from the microscope and rubbed his eyes. "I'm missing somethin'," he said. "I feel like the answer's right in front of me but I don't see it."

Jennifer had just come back from visiting Rodney and John in the brig. They had both turned into creatures now and neither had recognized her as she watched them pace back and forth in their cells. Even Rodney had tried to attack her only to be stopped by the forcefield.

"There must be something that stopped Rodney from being affected earlier," Jennifer said still visibly shaken. "Something that's not there now."

"What medication is he taking ?" Carson asked. "Maybe that made a difference."

"His usual," Jennifer replied counting on her fingers as she listed them. "Clonidine and Lasix for his blood pressure, a multivitimin, Plaavix, a baby aspirin...oh and I gave him a shot of Benadryl because of all the lemons."

"Excuse me ?"

"Yeah you know. Antihistamine so that he wouldn't go into anaphylaxis from breathing that stuff."

"Oh my God that's it," Carson said rushing over to the computer. "Histamine. That was in the database." He tapped rapidly on the keyboard. "There," he said pointing at the screen. "Several years ago SG1 came across a virus that attached to the histamine in their blood. Doctor Jackson was taking antihistamine for his allergies and wasn't initially affected."

"So this can be cured by a simple shot of Benadryl ?" Jennifer said reading the data. "Rodney is being affected now because the antihistamine has worked it's way out of his system ?"

"Aye I think so. It's worth a try anyway," Carson said grabbing a couple of syringes and a bottle of the antihistamine. "Let's get a stunner and find out."

oOo

"So it's all gone now ?" Rodney said holding his hand up and checking it front and back looking for fur.

"Aye laddie," Carson said as he stood by John's bed. "The toxin's completely out of your systems."

"So we can get out of here ?" John said scratching his chin. Now he really did need a shave.

"Tomorrow," Carson replied. "I want to keep an eye on ya both overnight."

"No more fur," Rodney said.

"You know it _was_ quite cute," Jennifer said scratching him gently on the head. "Apart from the teeth and strange eyes and biting everybody thing," she added as Rodney glared at her. She moved her hand rapidly to her side as Richard Woolsey walked in.

"I've contacted the Ambassador," he said formally.

"Great," Carson said smiling. "When can we go and administer the antidote ?"

"Never."

"What ?" John said.

"Does he not understand ?" Carson asked. "Maybe if I spoke with him. If it's the shots..."

Woolsey held his hand up. "He understands. But he won't let us return. He maintains that we have "violated their tradition". That the...er...creatures are damned and will remain so."

"But that's crazy," Rodney said. "They didn't seem that primitive."

"Can we go down anyway ?" Carson asked. "Without their permission ?"

"I understand how you feel Doctor," Richard Woolsey said. "But we cannot start a war over a few..."

"We don't know how many are there," Carson said. "There could be hundreds in that forest."

"They couldn't stop us," John pointed out. "A cloaked Jumper..."

"And a miraculous and timely cure ?" Woolsey pointed out. "They have allies that could make life very difficult for us. And who's to say that that would help those people. They certainly wouldn't be allowed back into the city, cured or not. And if we try to relocate them they could be worse off. No I'm sorry gentlemen. But as an official representative of earth I'm not prepared to spark an interplanetary incident...And that's final," he added as Carson opened his mouth to protest.

"Well that bites," John said. "If you'll pardon the pun."

"Of course," Woolsey said as he walked out of the room. "It wouldn't be our fault if we just happen to have accidently left some of our medical supplies that could have got into the water or something after we left..."

Carson looked across at Jennifer and grinned. "I think that we might be able to arrange that," he said.

"We do have that Jumper that needs a test run," Rodney said looking at John.

"Fancy a flight anyone ?" John asked sitting up.

"Tomorrow," Carson and Jennifer said together.

oOo

"What is it Rodney," John asked as they approached the city from the space gate. "The cloak's holding. They shouldn't be able to detect us."

"There's a forcefield surrounding both the city and the forest," Rodney said as he pulled up the HUD. "We can't get through."

"They must have expected us to try something," Carson said from the seat behind John as they hovered above the settlement.

"How long can they maintain the shield ?" Jennifer asked from behind Rodney.

"It depends on their power source," Rodney replied waving his hand. "With a fully charged Zed PM, maybe years."

"Well that's that then," Carson sighed.

"We can keep checking back," Jennifer said.

"So the people suffer because of the superstition and ignorance of the rulers," Rodney said. "Typical."

"Let's go home," John said. "Feel like losing at chess again Rodney ?"

"That was a fluke. I was distracted..."

oOo

I was asked earlier for a "werewolf" chapter that frankly didn't turn out that well. Hope that this one's better ;D  
Love some reviews (as always)  
debbie


	79. The Return Of The Amazon Queen

**Disclaimer:** the usual yada yada yada.

When you have a good character it's just fun to revisit her...

Although this chapter stands alone it might help to reread chapter 28 (The Amazon Queen) (Just sayin' ;D )

**The Return of the Amazon Queen.**

"I really don't see the point in me going to this Godforsaken place," Rodney said. He lifted his coffee cup, saw that it was empty and put it back onto the table. "I have much more important things to do with my time."

John sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Because you're one of the team, Rodney. And just because there doesn't seem to be a lot of technology doesn't mean that there's nothing there that we can use."

A pleasant young civilian walked across the mess hall carrying a coffee pot and a jug of water. She carefully filled Rodney's cup and Ronon and Teyla's glasses. As she leaned across the table to fill John's cup he caught a glimpse of her cleavage thanks to her partially unbuttoned shirt. She smiled at him and glanced back over her shoulder, flicking her blonde hair as she walked away.

"I know that you don't like diplomatic missions Rodney," Teyla was saying as she sipped her water. "But we need allies and trading partners."

"You know that you prefer field work," John said watching the server wiping one of the tables. He forced himself to look back at Rodney.

Rodney turned and glanced briefly at the girl and then back at John. "Field work," he said. "Not hobnobbing and trying to be polite to some fool Ambassador."

John smiled as he sipped his coffee. "Well that's settled then," he said. "We meet by the gate in an hour."

"Why an hour ?" Rodney said. He turned to his left to see where John was looking. "Oh never mind," he said as the girl waved coyly.

oOo

Rodney was standing by the gate as John and Teyla arrived. He was dressed in his full tac gear with his hands resting lightly on his P90. "Where's Ronon ?" he asked.

"He had promised to lead a self defense class," Teyla said. "For the medical staff so that they are better able to defend themselves while offworld."

"Now ?" Rodney said indignantly. "How come he manages to dodge this duty and I don't ?"

John grinned and nodded at Chuck who proceeded to dial the gate. "Because you're not good enough at self defense and nobody can follow your physics except you and maybe Radek."

"I could teach if I wanted to," Rodney said crossing his arms. "I just don't want to."

"That leaves you free to come with us," John said grabbing Rodney by his left arm and steering him towards the now open wormhole.

"Fine," Rodney said pulling himself free. With a loud sigh he stepped through after John and Teyla followed.

oOo

The four women stood at the top of the hill overlooking the gate. Hidden by the trees they had a clear view without being visible. Nearby, the Ambassador and his three aides lay bound hand and foot and unconscious.

"Are you sure that they will come ?" one of the women said. She stood completely still, her long dark hair hanging in a braid down her back. She held a spear loosely in her right hand and a small shield in her left. "The Queen will be most displeased with us if we return without him."

"My source was sure Mistress Danika," the warrior at her side said. "They will come."

Without warning the lights on the gate started to activate. The women watched impassively as the wormhole formed and the three Atanteans stepped through.

oOo

"Well where are they ?" Rodney said looking around. "I thought you said that the Ambassador and his croneys would be here to meet us."

"Ambassador Latic said that he would be here," Teyla said.

"Give 'em time Rodney," John answered adjusting his sunglasses. "Maybe they measure time with a sundial."

"Humph," Rodney snorted. "Even a sundial is somewhat accurate."

"I feel...strange," Teyla said putting her hand to her forehead.

"What ?" John said. "How ?....Whoa," he added as he took a step forward and a wave of dizziness overtook him.

Rodney dropped his data padd and it fell to the ground as he too held his head. "What's ...happening ?" he asked as he fell forward.

"Rodney..." Teyla said as she slumped to the ground.

John took two steps towards the DHD. "Oh crap," he said as he lost consciousness.

oOo

As two of the warriors lifted Rodney, Danika looked down at Teyla. "Dial the deserted world first," she said. "So that they cannot track us."

"Yes Mistress," the last Amazon said as she punched buttons on the DHD.

When the wormhole had formed they stepped through carrying Rodney between them. The warrior who had dialled the gate walked over to where Danika stood. "Is she the one ?" she asked.

Danika looked at her coldly. "Yes," she said. She flipped her spear in her hand and plunged it deeply into Teyla's stomach, just to the left of her navel. Without a word she pulled the weapon free and stepped through the gate without a backwards glance as the last Amazon followed her and the wormhole closed.

All was silent except for the sound of a hawk screeching in the distance.

oOo

John lay quietly as he slowly regained consciousness. He kept his eyes closed trying to decide where he was. When he heard Doctor Keller's voice he realized that he was in the Infirmary and he opened his eyes.

"_Big mistake_," he thought closing them quickly as the bright lights sent a wave of nausea washing across him.

"John ?" Doctor Keller said from next to him. "Are you back with us ?"

"I wish I weren't," John said as his head pounded and his stomach heaved. He opened his eyes just enough to see.

"Here," Jennifer said handing him a small cup with two white pills in it. "This will help."

"What happened ?" John asked as he took the medicine and reached for some water.

"Ronon passed out during his training class," Jenniefer replied. "When we couldn't get you to answer we sent a team through. You were unconscious and Teyla was wounded."

"Wounded ?"

"Yeah. Someone had knifed her in the stomach. It's just as well that we checked on you when we did. She'll be fine but..."

"But what ? Where's Rodney ?" John asked looking around.

"Rodney's missing. We don't know where he is."

oOo

Rodney opened his eyes slowly. His head was pounding and colors flashed before him. He groaned and brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his temples. He was lying on a stone floor with a thin blanket-like material spread loosely on it.

He pushed himself carefully to a sitting position, going slowly so as to let the feeling of nausea pass. His shirt, vest and weapons were missing, along with his boots and socks. He had been left with only his trousers and a strangely familiar leather collar around his neck.

"Oh no no no no no no no," he said quietly as he saw his reflection in the mirror opposite him and he recognized the silver crest on the collar's front. "It can't be. Not again..."

"So we meet once more McKay," a cold voice said from the doorway to his right.

"You," Rodney said turning to face her. He cried out in pain as she flicked her leather whip deftly across his bare back.

"That's Mistress Danika to you," she said smiling thinly and stepping towards him. "I'm here to teach you some manners before you go before the Queen."

oOo

"We have dowloaded the last fifty addresses dialled from the gate on P97362," Radek said adjusting his glasses. "We are trying to narrow the search down by a process of elimination but as you know the addresses are listed in a random order. It is not an easy process," he added.

"Well then let's just start dialling," John said pacing back and forth in the small conference room. "Send teams through one by one."

"We are assembling search teams," Woolsey said calmly. "But if someone has kidnapped Doctor McKay they may well be laying in ambush for us. We must proceed with caution. Whoever it was knifed Teyla and left her to die so we know that they're hostile..."

"Precisely," John said in frustration. "There's no telling what they're doing to Rodney as we speak."

"I am well aware of the danger," Woolsey said. "But getting someone else hurt won't help anyone. Least of all Doctor McKay."

"It beats just sitting here," John said striding out of the room.

Teyla got carefully to her feet, nursing her side which was heavily bandaged. "I will speak with him," she said.

"The trouble is that I know just how he feels," Woolsey said with a sigh. "Tell him that we will start sending out teams within the hour. Radek will provide the most likely addresses first."

Teyla nodded and then walked after John leaving Woolsey and Radek to talk strategy.

oOo

Rodney stood before Queen AmLee with his eyes lowered and his hands clasped loosely in front of him. Several red stripes across his back reminded him that if he was going to escape then he would have to learn to be submissive.

AmLee jerked slightly on the chain that was attached to the collar that Rodney was wearing. He flinched but didn't otherwise react. The Queen smiled. "You have done well Danika," she said. "I may reinstate you to your former position after all."

"Thank you Mistress," Danika said with a small bow. "I would be honored to..."

"Not yet my dear," AmLee said cutting her off. "After losing him to Teyla..."

"She will no longer be a problem my Queen."

Rodney reacted and looked up. "What did you do..?" he said. Danika immediately struck him behind his right knee with the shaft of her spear and he dropped to his hands and knees.

AmLee stepped forward and stood right in front of Rodney pulling the chain taut as she did so. Rodney could see her sandaled feet mere inches from his face. He resisted the urge to try something. He hung his head forward and closed his eyes. "_Sheppard or Ronon would do something_," he thought.

Bracing himself, Rodney stood up sharply, hoping to catch AmLee under her chin with his head.

Unfortunately she was ready for him and with a quick sidestep and a sharp jerk on the chain she tripped him and he fell flat onto the floor. A swift jab from the shaft of Danika's spear in the small of his back reminded him not to move.

"It appears that he is not quite ready yet," AmLee said passing the chain over to Danika. "Pity," she added as she walked out.

Rodney felt Danika's weight on his back as she straddled him and he felt the point of her knife pressed against his cheek. He opened his eyes as Danika spoke menacingly into his ear, her face only inches from his. She jerked the chain so that the collar was pressing against his throat.

"So you require more training," she hissed. "Embarrass me in front of the Queen again and you will live to regret it."

As Danika pulled him out of the room Rodney was already regretting his actions.

oOo

"Fifty addresses," John said with an aggravated tone in his voice. "Two space gates, twenty seven backward planets where no one knows anything, twelve that haven't had anyone on them for decades and nine that are desert and wilderness that no one could live on for long." John paced back and forth beside the large conference table that Richard Woolsey had brought from earth. He stopped and leaned on it with both hands. "I don't understand," he said. "Where could they have taken him ? What did we miss ?"

"They must have gated from one of the secondary planets to their final destination," Radek said. "And without knowing which one..."

"We'll never be able to track him," Woolsey said.

oOo

"Why hello."

Chuck sat up sharply. Working the night shift meant that for long periods he was the only one in the gateroom. Although Atlantis was a twenty four hour operation most people still preferred to work the "day shift" and that's when most things were sheduled. Chuck had traded for a week, however, so that he could study for a paygrade test. His book dropped to the floor as he jumped.

The tall scientist picked it up for him. "I'm sorry," she said pulling the clasp from her long blonde hair so that it cascaded around her shoulders. "I didn't mean to startle you," she said smiling as she placed the book on his console. "I brought you some coffee," she added. "I hope that you like it sweet."

Chuck took the mug from her, blinking as she leaned towards him. The zipper on her jacket was seductively low. "Doctor...er Doctor Morton," he stammered.

"Oh Christina please," she said sitting next to him and crossing her legs. "Don't be so formal...Chuck."

oOo

"Hey sleepy head. Wake up."

Chuck sat up slowly and held his head. He felt groggy and blinked in the light. The empty coffee mug and his textbook were on the console in front of him.

Peter Brooks stood in front of him with his arms crossed. "I know that this is the graveyard shift," he said sternly. "But you're still supposed to stay awake."

"I don't understand," Chuck said, still confused.

"And who used the gate ?" Brooks asked looking at the computer.

"What ?" Chuck said pushing buttons on his display and knocking his book to the floor. "No one's dialled in or out."

"Someone did," Brooks said pointing at the console. "About twenty minutes ago."

oOo

"We pulled up the security feed," Radek said. "It shows Doctor Morton slipping the drug to Chuck in his coffee."

John looked momentarily surprised as he recognized the woman from the mess hall but he said nothing as Radek continued.

"She dialled the address for P928418 which as you can see," Radek said fanning a printout out onto the table. An address was highlighted in green. "Is on the list of addresses that had been dialled from P97362. There is nothing at P928418 but wilderness but when we downloaded the last dialled addresses from that gate there was one address that had been dialled several times..." Radek placed another printout on the table with an address highlighted in three places.

John picked up the paper. "I recognize that address," he said. "I think that we've been there."

"You should recognize it," Radek said peering over his glasses. "It's the Amazon's homeworld."

oOo

John stood by the gate watching Teyla as she walked carefully towards him. She was dressed in the black stargate issue uniform which effectively hid the bandages wrapped tightly around her abdomen.

"Are you sure that you're up to this ?" John asked. "I could get some marines..."

Teyla held up her hand. "I will be fine John," she said. "As long as I do not exert myself. Since I have dealt with them before and you are male..."

"I know. They won't listen to me. But what if combat...?"

Jennifer Keller came running down the stairs towards them. She, too, was dressed in the black BDU's. She was holding two short Bantu sticks in her left hand. "I'm sorry Teyla," she said. "It took me longer to get ready than I thought."

"What ?" John said. He glared at Ronon who was grinning at the young Doctor.

"Doctor Keller will be accompaning you," Richard Woolsey said from his vantage point overlooking the gate.

Jennifer looked at John and smiled. She flicked her hair back so that it laid loosely across her shoulders. It made her look even younger. "It's all arranged," she said. "I will fight for Rodney."

oOo

"My Queen," the warrior said as she rushed into the room and knelt before AmLee.

"Why this intrusion ?" AmLee said staring down at her.

"The Lanteans have come through the Ancestral Ring Mistress," she replied still with her head bowed. "They are approaching the city as I speak."

AmLee turned to the blonde woman standing next to her. With a swift movement she slapped her hard across the face. "Fool !" she said sharply. "You led them to us !"

Christina Morton staggered from the force of the blow. "I don't understand Mistress," she said. "I used the other address first."

"They are not stupid," AmLee said. "Unlike you. Leave my presence," she ordered dismissing her with a wave of her hand. "Make sure that Danika keeps McKay hidden," she said to the kneeling warrior. "As I prepare for their arrival."

oOo

Teyla led the way into the settlement with Jennifer walking beside her and John and Ronon walking behind them. They walked fairly slowly so that Teyla could appear stronger than she felt. The women watched them intently as they approached the entrance to AmLee's palace but no one moved towards them.

They stopped at the foot of the steps and Teyla stood for a moment as she composed herself.

"Are you OK ?" Jennifer asked.

"I will be fine," Teyla answered. "I must not show weakness." She nodded towards the steps. "There's Queen AmLee now."

Jennifer turned to face the steps. She bowed slightly as did Teyla, John and Ronon. AmLee was standing at the top of the stairs with an Amazon warrior standing on each side.

She looked impressive in her leather and bronze armor with a short purple cape attached to her shoulders with silver clasps. Her hair was fastened on the left side of her head with a large clip of carved bone.

Teyla stepped forward. "Your Majesty," she said looking up at her. "We have come for Doctor McKay."

AmLee stepped down several of the steps, stopping just above them. Her bodyguards followed suit. "What makes you think that he is here ?" she asked icily.

"His transponder proves it," John said.

AmLee glared at him with a look of pure distain. "Again you allow your males to answer for you," she said.

"But he does speak the truth your Majesty," Teyla said. "We have proof that he is here. We do not wish to come to war over this."

"They lie," Christina said from beside where John was standing. She was dressed as one of the Amazons. "They will not fight. They are weak."

"Remove yourself," AmLee said glaring at her. "I have not yet forgotten that you led them here." AmLee turned back to Teyla as Christina bowed and backed away into the crowd. "We only go to war as a last resort," she said. "We prefer to settle disputes through personal combat." She smiled thinly. "Do you wish to challenge me Mistress Teyla ?"

"Alas as a leader I am forbidden," Teyla gestured to her left. "Doctor Jennifer Keller will fight in my place as your protocul allows."

One of the warrior stepped forward. "Mistress," she said quietly. "May I...?"

"If you fear me your Majesty," Jennifer said looking up at her. "I will challenge your...underling."

The warrior glared at her and raised her staff. "You insolent..."

AmLee silenced her with an outstreatched arm. She looked down at Jennifer and smiled. "Very well," she said. "I accept your challenge. Tomorrow. At first light." She turned and walked back up the steps and into the palace.

After a quick glance and sneer her bodyguards followed.

Seeing that the show was over the crowd dissapated and the Atlanteans were left standing alone.

"That was intense," Jennifer said as they walked to the outskirts of the settlement to make camp for the night.

"Are you sure that this is a good idea ?" John said. "Did you see the size of her ?"

"Size doesn't matter," Ronon said sitting on a rock.

"It doesn't if you have it," John said as he helped Teyla to ease herself to the ground.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Jennifer said opening her medical kit. "Come on Teyla. Let me change that dressing."

With a big sigh John turned to look at the sunset while Jennifer tended to Teyla. Ronon got up and stood behind him. "We can always blow 'em up if this doesn't work," he said.

oOo

The sun was just appearing over the horizon as they walked towards the arena. Despite the early hour a large crowd was gathering and scuffling for seats. They moved aside to let the team pass but John could feel them staring after him.

When they got inside Teyla climbed up some steps to a raised platform on the edge of the arena that had been prepared for her. As she took her seat John and Ronon sat down on the ground in front. Jennifer walked into the center of the arena and waited.

"She's late," Ronon muttered.

"Building up the tension," John replied checking his watch.

The sun was casting long shadows across the arena when a door was opened on the far side.

Jennifer gasped and took a deep breath to control her emotions as two warriors emerged. One of them was pulling roughly on a silver chain that was attached to the leather collar around Rodney's neck.

Rodney stumbled forward as Danika jerked on the chain but he was careful not to look up. He had received several bruises learning that particular lesson. The rocky ground hurt his bare feet and he shivered in the chill of the morning as the breeze blew across his bare torso.

With a particularly forceful pull Danika jerked Rodney forward and he fell to his knees. She leered at Jennifer who was looking shocked as she fastened the chain to a metal spike in the ground. Danika attached it so that Rodney had to remain kneeling. He stayed with his head bowed and his hands clasped in front of him.

"Rodney...?" Jennifer said taking a step forward.

Danika and the other warrior positioned themselves between Jennifer and Rodney with their swords drawn.

Rodney looked up. "Jen...?"

Danika sent him sprawling with a swift kick to the side of his face and Rodney lay still, his face turned to the ground. He could taste blood and he was trying to remember how to pray.

Jennifer tensed and forced herself to stay still as Danika stared at her. _"Focus_," she thought to herself. She took a deep breath and made herself look away from Rodney as Queen AmLee entered the arena.

A loud cheer went up from the crowd as the Queen strode in through the open door followed by a female Adjudicator dressed in a short white robe.

AmLee stood for a moment as the crowd applauded. She was an impressive figure as she posed in front of the tiny physician. AmLee stood almost as tall as Ronon and her raven colored hair was tied in a loose braid that reached the middle of her back. She was dressed in the same leather armor with bronze filigree as she had been wearing the evening before. It's design was similar to that of a Roman soldier only she was wearing a short white skirt that reached her mid-thigh with a slit up the side to allow for easy movement. She removed the cape with a flourish and tossed it behind her. The Adjudicator handed her a long staff similar to the short Bantu sticks that Jennifer was carrying.

The Adjudicator waved her hand and the crowd silenced themselves. AmLee stood looking down at Jennifer with undisguised contempt as the announcements were made.

"As you know," the Adjudicator announced. "A challenge was issued to the Queen for possession of this male. As required by our law, when a Regent accepts a challenge the battle will continue until one of the combatants surrenders. No blades are permitted but no other rules apply. At the sound of the gong you will begin."

"Wait," Jennifer said.

"Do you wish to forfeit ?" the Adjudicator asked.

"No. No of couse not."

The Adjudicator gave a quick nod and the gong was struck.

Immediately AmLee swung the staff towards Jennifer's head.

Reacting purely on instinct Jennifer ducked and turned but the blow caught her across the shoulders and she fell to the ground. She rolled to the side just in time to avoid a second blow which struck the ground next to her face. She leapt to her feet and faced AmLee who was twirling the staff slowly in her hands, attempting to intimidate her.

Jennifer stood her ground with a Bantu rod in each hand and she turned slowly as AmLee circled around her looking for an opening.

Suddenly AmLee stepped forward and spun her staff in an attempt to disarm Jennifer. Jennifer leapt back and dropping on her hands she spun her foot aiming underneath the staff. Unfortunately she missed by a fraction and AmLee rolled away.

"So there is some fire after all," AmLee said as she crouched watching Jennifer. She was a little more wary now as she again circled her much smaller opponent.

Jennifer decided to take the offensive and stepped forward swinging with both weapons forcing AmLee to dart backwards and parry the flurry of sudden blows. Just before she reached the wall AmLee sidestepped and swung her staff low using her longer reach to catch Jennifer just behind her left knee. the air was forced rapidly from her lungs as Jennifer fell forcefully onto her back on the hard ground.

With a yell of triumph AmLee leapt on top of Jennifer and brought her staff down across her throat. Jennifer moved quickly and blocked it before her windpipe was crushed. AmLee leaned forward putting her weight onto the staff attempting to force it past Jennifer's twin Bantu rods. She was mere inches from Jennifer's face and she hissed. "Do you concede ?"

Jennifer glanced to her right to where Rodney was chained. He was watching with a horrified look on his face. "_Save yourself_," he mouthed silently. "_Leave me_."

Jennifer took a breath and turned to face AmLee. "In your dreams," she said gritting her teeth.

With a grunt of effort Jennifer brought her knee up and forceably rammed it into AmLee's midsection. Caught offguard AmLee loosened her grip and Jennifer seized the opportunity to tip her off balance and take the upper hand. AmLee's staff flew from her hands and Jennifer locked the Bantu rods under her chin, forcing her head back and threatening to cut off her airway.

AmLee gasped for breath as Jennifer forced her knee into her back. "I yield," she gasped.

Jennifer stood up in victory and held her hands up in triumph. She turned and walked towards Danika who stepped aside to let her pass and handed her the chain.

Rodney stood up and held her close. "Oh thank God," he said. "I was so afraid..."

"Well I've been working out," she said smiling up at him. "You should try it sometime."

Suddenly Rodney pushed her roughly to the side and she fell to the ground. Jennifer looked up in horror as Rodney fell forward onto his knees, a large knife jutting from his chest.

As she moved to cushion his fall Jennifer glanced behind her and a gasp went up from the watching crowd. She watched, wide-eyed, as AmLee fell backwards, impaled by Danika's thrown spear.

Danika stood impassively as the Adjudicator stepped forward attempting to restore order. She raised her hands and the crowd quieted down.

Jennifer had pulled a bandage from her pants pocket and was leaning over Rodney. "Stay still," she said. "The knife will stop the bleeding. Just stay calm."

"Easy...for you to...say," Rodney gasped as he struggled to breathe.

"Clearly the Queen was in violation of our rules of conduct," the Adjudicator said loudly. "The execution was justified. Hail to our new Queen !"

With a loud cheer the crowd turned towards where Teyla was sitting. The warriors walked towards her and knelt on one knee with their heads down.

"Whoa," John said climbing the steps to stand next to her as Teyla stood up.

Ronon grinned and stood on her other side. "I like it," he said.

"I cannot accept this," Teyla whispered.

"Maybe now you can change some things," John said quietly.

"It is not my place," she replied. She stepped forward and raised her hands in front of her. The crowd hushed into obedient silence. "I am honored," she said loudly. "But I am unable to accept. I am already a leader on another world."

"Your representative won the challenge," the Adjudicator said. "It is your right and your responsibility."

"And I acknowledge that responsibility," Teyla said. "I name Mistress Danika to reign in my place."

Danika looked up sharply and then stood up, clearly surprised. "I accept," she said regaining her composure.

Without a word the warriors stood and with a brief salute to Teyla they turned and knelt before Danika.

"We need to get Rodney back to Atlantis," Jennifer said loudly. "I need to remove this knife."

"Will your people assist us ?" Teyla asked.

With a brief nod and a gesture Danika dispatched her warriors who ran to get a stretcher. "You will be escorted to the Ring," she said. "Thank you."

"Until we meet again," Teyla said with a small bow.

Danika watched them as they left. "I will never understand their fascination with a mere male," she said.

"Nor will I, my Queen," the Adjudicator replied shaking her head.

oOo

Rodney opened his eyes slowly and blinked in the glare from the Infirmary lights. He winced as pain shot across his chest.

"Hit the morphine pump Rodney," Jennifer said smiling. "It will help with the pain."

"It only hurts to breathe," Rodney said quietly, placing his hand across his bandaged chest.

"Yeah well keep breathing anyway," John said . "We're kinda used to having you around. I'm going to check on Teyla," he added as Rodney was drifting back to sleep.

John moved across to where Teyla was propped up in a bed with Ronon sprawled on a chair next to her. "So how are you doing, your Majesty ?" he asked with a small bow.

"I am recovering," Teyla said. "Doctor Keller said that I may leave the Infirmary tomorrow."

"Did you plan that whole "Queen" thing ?" John said leaning on the end of the bed.

Teyla smiled. "I did not plan AmLee's death but I had researched their known customs. Defeating the Queen in a personal challenge means that the throne is transferred to the victor. We hoped that by using Jennifer..."

"Her being so much smaller," Ronon said.

"Precisely," Teyla continued. "In that way we could goad AmLee into personally accepting the challenge."

"O...K..." John said. "Was everyone else in on this but me ?"

Ronon grinned and shrugged.

"So why did you choose Danika in your place ?" John asked.

"She has no interest in us or in Rodney. And now she is in my debt."

"And that," Richard Woolsey said from behind John. "May very well come in useful someday. We can never have too many allies."

John turned to face him. "And what about Chris...Doctor Morton ?" he asked.

"Since she has chosen to defect to the Amazon world I have decided to allow her to do so," he replied. "If she were to return to us there would be several charges that would have to be addressed. Treason, assault and misuse of the Gate for example. It's far less complicated to list her as "missing presumed dead". She has no immediate family which is probably why she wanted to join their society in the first place."

"OK," Jennifer announced. "Take your meeting outside. Rodney and Teyla need to rest."

John looked across at Rodney who was snoring with his mouth open, his hand still holding the morphine pump. A small amount of drool was trickling from the corner of his mouth. "Doesn't look like that's gonna be a problem," he said with a smile.

oOo

There we go. Hope that this was worth waiting for.  
Love some reviews (as always ;D)

Coming up next (in progress)...

**Going Green  
**_(A little tease...) _

_"Green, Radek!" Rodney yelled. "Why am I green ?"_

_"It's only temporary, Rodney," Radek said removing his glasses and pinching his nose. It didn't help. With his vision blurred it made Rodney look even more like the Hulk. "It should wear off in a few days," he added as he put them back on._

_"Should ? Days ?"_

(sound like fun??)

see ya next time.  
debbie


	80. Going Green

Everyone wants to "go green" right ?......Yeah right.

**Going Green.**

Rodney stopped at the door to the lab. A handwritten sign had been sloppily taped on it roughly at eye level. "KEEP OUT" was printed on it in large red letters.

"Humph," he snorted. No one was going to keep him out of his own lab. He punched his master code into the door panel and walked in as the door slid open.

"OK Radek," he said. "What..." Rodney stopped in mid sentence and squeezed his eyes shut as he was hit full in the face with a very bright beam of light. He opened them again and stood still, blinking as his vision gradually returned.

"Rodney..." Radek said. "Did you not see the sign ?" He looked surprised and a little shocked. The lab tech standing next to him was holding his hand over his mouth.

"Of course I saw the sign!" Rodney snapped. "But no one keeps me out of my own lab! What are you doing anyway ?"

"We were...er...exposing the monkey..." Radek said pointing just beyond where Rodney was standing.

"The what ?" Rodney said turning to look. A small chimp was sitting in a cage watching him with wide eyes. "Oh my God. You know what," Rodney said raising his hands and walking towards his office. "I don't want to know, OK. Just leave me out of it."

Radek looked thoughtful as the lab tech watched Rodney go into the back room and sit at his computer.

"Perhaps it won't work," the lab tech said quietly.

"I hope not," Radek replied.

oOo

"Radek!"

Rodney yelled loud enough that everyone stopped and stared as he stormed into the lab. Everyone was staring already however...

Radek stood looking at the monkey sitting in it's cage. He stiffened slightly at the sound of his name even though he'd been expecting it ever since he'd checked on their experiment that morning.

"Radek! What the hell were you doing ?"

Radek turned to face his irate supervisor and forced a casual smile. It wasn't easy. He wanted to laugh out loud.

Paul Bauer, the lab tech standing next to him, was having less success. he covered his mouth with his hand to smother his laughter when Rodney glared at him.

"Green, Radek!" Rodney yelled. "Why am I green ?"

"It's only temporary Rodney," Radek said removing his glasses and pinching his nose. It didn't help. With his vision blurred it only made Rodney look even more like the Hulk. "It should wear off in a few days," he added as he put them back on.

"Should ? Days ?" Rodney pushed Radek to the side to look at the chimp. It was sitting calmly watching them. Although, like Rodney's hair, it's fur had remained unchanged it's skin was clearly a bright pea green - the same color as Rodney's. The chimp was chewing on a large piece of banana and watching them intently.

Rodney turned to face Radek and Paul. As he got angrier there was a pink tinge to his cheeks that made him look even stranger. "Why would you want to turn a monkey green ? Oh my God am I radioactive ? Is that a Gamma Ray Generator attached to that thing ?" His voice was getting more high pitched as panic set in.

"Relax Rodney," Radek said holding his hands in front of him. "Calm down."

"That's easy for you to say," Rodney said loudly. "You're not the radioactive Hulk impersonator." He glared across the room at the other techs. "If you lot don't have something to do I'm sure that I can assign some suitably crappy detail," he said as they all hurriedly turned away. "Now," he said turning back to Radek and taking a deep breath. "Again. Why were you turning a monkey green ?"

Radek looked awkward. "P47698," he said quietly.

"What ? Oh no no no no no no no. Is this Sheppard's idea ?"

"Did someone mention my name ?" John said from behind him. "Wow, Rodney," he added as Rodney turned to face him. "You're....er..."

Rodney crossed his arms and cocked his head to one side. Somehow the stance wasn't quite so intimidating with the color change. "Do you have something to do with this...experiment ?" he asked crossly.

"Well I...er...sort of suggested," John said awkwardly. "That we might um...be more appealing to the residents..."

"The female residents I presume," Rodney interjected.

"Precisely Rodney. You saw them. They were just like on Star Trek..."

"Only they were repulsed by our pink skin."

"Exactly. This way we'd...er...blend in more," John said with a lopsided smile.

"Is this safe ?" Rodney said turning to Radek. "You couldn't have just tried body paint ?" he added turning back to John.

"Didn't...um...want it er rubbing off," John replied grinning.

"We think that it's safe," Radek said. "That's why we were trying it on the chimp first."

"Oh great," Rodney said walking towards the door.

"Where are you going ?" John asked.

"To the Infirmary."

oOo

Doctor Jennifer Keller was trying very hard to stay professional and stop giggling. Really. She was. Unfortunately she was failing miserably and tears were streaming down her face as she fought for control.

Rodney was sitting on the end of a bed with his arms crossed looking fed up. "Have you _quite_ finished ?" he asked.

"I'm...sorry...Rodney." Jennifer said flapping a printout as a fan. "It's just...so...I mean...is it ? Does it...?"

"Yes it does and no you can't look," Rodney said firmly. "Look _Doctor_," he added. "All I really want to know is if I received a dangerous dose of radiation so that I can cloister myself in my office until this...this..."

"Kermit attack ?"

"This_ hue _wears off !"

"I'm sorry," Jennifer said taking a deep breath. "No you didn't get a large radioactive burst. There's no residual radiation. You'll be fine. Are you sure you won't let me...?"

Rodney glared at her as he got off the bed. "I don't think that it would help my self esteem for you to be looking at me and busting yourself laughing," he said. "You can reach me in my office," he added. "By radio."

oOo

"Oh no no no no no no no," Rodney said over his radio. "There is no way that I'm leaving this office. I don't care how long this mission has been set or what's on the planet. They can have fifty fully charged zed p m's for all I care ! I'm not going, Sheppard, and you can't make me !" With a flourish he pushed the button on his earpiece.

"We thought you'd say that," Ronon said from the doorway. He was holding Rodney's gear in his hand.

oOo

"Whose idea was it to give the military an override code to every door ? I can not believe that you're doing this. This is so not fair. How am I supposed to go on a mission looking like this ? Will you stop shoving me ? I'm going. I'm going."

John couldn't help but smile as he watched Ronon "helping" Rodney into the gateroom. Rodney's skin was still as bright a green and he looked like a dressed up Shrek. Apart from the accent he kinda sounded like him too.

Teyla was being more polite but even she was smiling.

"Come on Rodney you'll be fine," John said as Chuck dialled the gate. "You know that you sulk if you get left behind."

Rodney stopped in front of him and crossed his arms. "If I promise not to can I stay ?"

John laughed. "No," he said. "You're part of the team."

With a sigh Rodney followed Teyla through the open wormhole. As John stepped through and the wormhole closed Chuck let out the laughter that he'd been holding in and everyone else joined him.

oOo

As soon as they stepped out into the sunlight Rodney took his data padd from his pocket and started to roughly punch at the display with one finger. "OK." he said. "Let's see if we can find this reported zed pm and get out of here before anyone sees me."

"Well we haven't seen the natives Rodney," John said smiling. "You might blend right in."

Rodney stopped and turned to glare at him. "You must be joking," he said.

"Actually yes I was," John said. "Now. Which way Shrek ?"

"This way," Rodney said pointing ahead. "And enough of the comments. Everyone's a damned comedian. If I'm Shrek does that make you the donkey ?"

"I could live with that," John said as they walked. "He was the irritating one wasn't he ?"

"Yes he was and you're extremely good at playing that part," Rodney said still concedntrating on his screen. "Not too much further. It's just through those few trees."

Ronon and Teyla just exchanged looks as they followed.

"Don't go in those bushes Rodney. We might lose you."

"Oh funny Sheppard. Who writes your material ? Spongebob ?"

They walked past a few straggly trees and came to a large cave. Rodney walked towards it still staring at his screen.

"Wait Rodney," John said grabbing him by the arm and stopping him in his tracks. "Much as I want to see if you glow in the dark let me go first. At least until we find out what's in there."

"Fine," Rodney said with a wave of his hand.

As John and Teyla switched on the lights on their P90's and entered the cave Ronon stood outside with Rodney. He kept looking around warily.

Rodney looked up from his padd. "What's wrong ?"

"Dunno," Ronon replied. "I feel like someone's watchin'."

"I don't see anyone," Rodney said looking around. "Are you sure ?"

"Nope."

Before Rodney could reply John and Teyla came out of the cave. "It's all clear," John said. "I think we've found the ZPM."

"You didn't touch anything did you ?" Rodney asked pushing past him.

John followed him with a sigh. "No, Rodney, I didn't touch a thing," he said as Teyla and Ronon followed them inside.

The cave wasn't very deep and there was only one artifact inside. A stone pedestal with a fully charged ZPM sitting on top held in an open hand carved in jade.

"This is great," Rodney said. "It's never been used. "What...? Sheppard !" Rodney turned to glare at him as John switched his light off leaving Rodney with only the glow from his hand held padd.

John was grinning from ear to ear.. "My God Rodney," he said. "You really do glow in the dark."

Rodney looked at his hand. "Wonderful," he said. "I'm so glad that my probable radiation poisoning is keeping you amused. Now can you put the light back on please ?"

"Sorry," John said as he turned the P90's light on again.

"Thank you," Rodney said turning his attention back to the ZPM. He tapped at the padd. "Well it's not attached to anything," he added. "I see no reason why we can't just take it." Rodney put his padd away in his vest pocket and reached forward and picked up the ZPM. He froze in place for a moment as if waiting for something and then turned around to face John.

"You OK ?" John asked.

"Yeah. Whenever I pick something up like that I'm always looking for a boulder. You know. Like on Indiana Jones"

John grinned as he led the way out of the cave with Teyla and Ronon just behind him and Rodney bringing up the rear.

John stopped in his tracks as soon as they emerged from the cave entrance.

About fifty men, armed with spears and bows, surrounded the cave. They were all poised ready to strike and watched them in silence as they stopped outside the cave.

John put his hand out to the side to stop Ronon, who had tensed behind him. "Easy," he said quietly. "We don't want a slaughter here."

The leader, a tall muscular man wearing more feathers than the others, stepped forward. "You dare to steal the Kunar ?" he said.

Rodney pushed his way forward shoving John aside so that he could see. "What's going on ?" he said. "Why have we...? Oh." he said.

As soon as the leader saw Rodney his eyes opened wide in shock. "Vojo," he cried out suddenly. "Vojo!"

Almost as one body every one of the natives, including the leader, flung themselves face down onto the ground, prostrating themselves at Rodney's feet. "You have returned for the Kunar," the leader said. "Forgive us Lord Vojo. We did not see you behind your followers. Please do not destroy us. We have kept it safe for you as you commanded."

Rodney looked puzzled for a moment and then quickly composed himself. "Finally," he said to John. "Someone who appreciates me." He turned towards the natives. "You may stand," he said loudly with a wave of his hand.

"Our great Lord Vojo," the leader said as he got up, still bowing. "Allow us to serve you and your people a feast in your honor."

"Rodney..." John said quietly.

"A feast ?" Rodney said ignoring him. "What an excellent idea. Lead the way."

As the people surrounded them and they started to walk towards the village John was looking concerned. "I have a bad feeling about this," he said to Rodney under his breath.

"Oh they're just going to feed us," Rodney said. "What could go wrong ?"

Teyla and Ronon glanced at each other as they followed the crowd.

"Depends what's on the menu," John said quietly while still smiling uncertainly.

oOo

Rodney sat back in his chair and patted his stomach. "Oh my God," he said. "That was so good. And no citrus in sight. I'm in heaven."

"I think you're the god here Rodney," John said gesturing towards the ten foot tall statue of a man holding a ZPM that was on a pedestal just a few feet from them. It had been carved from a jade-like stone and was a bright green color. The same color as Rodney.

"Hum," Rodney said adjusting his newly acquired feathered headdress so that it was out of his eyes. "Well maybe being green has some advantages after all. Thank you," he said as a dark skinned native girl refilled his cup with the smooth honey flavored juice that they'd all been drinking.

"We should be returning to Atlantis," Teyla said evenly. "Your loyal subjects await your return."

"Lord Vojo," the native leader said with a deep bow. "Forgive me but surely your servants know that it is unsafe to travel once the Sun god leaves the sky."

"Why ?" Ronon asked as he pulled off a piece of meat and ate it.

"Because of the Bajan beast of course," the man replied looking surprised at the question.

"Of course," John said with a wave of his hand. "The Bajan beast."

"With your permission," the leader continued. "Please stay in my palace tonight. Let us prepare rooms for you and then you may take the Kunar when the sun returns. It would be my honor." He bowed and waved his hand towards the largest building in the settlement.

Rodney stretched and yawned. "Well I am tired," he said. "And we're not actually expected back until tomorrow..."

"Rodney..." John said quietly.

Rodney looked at him. "You heard the man," he said. "Bajan beast. Sounds like something that I'd like to avoid." He stood up and swayed slightly. "Wow. What's in that juice ? Lead us to your palace," he announced. "We will be staying there tonight."

As Rodney strode ahead of them, walking side by side with the leader, the rest of the team followed behind. John still looked worried.

"Do not concern yourself, John," Teyla said resting her hand momentarily on his shoulder. "Everyone seems friendly and we'll leave in the morning."

"I realize that," John replied rubbing the back of his neck. His head was pounding and he was sure that there was alcohol in the nectar juice that they'd been drinking all afternoon. "Heck it's probably just as well. I think we're all drunk anyway."

"Speak for yourself," Ronon said as he climbed the steps leading to the ornate front door of the palace.

They followed Rodney into the palace. Compared to the simple huts that most of the people lived in this was a mansion. Rich tapestries covered the walls and dark furs were strewn on the floor. There was even a throne carved out of the same green stone as their statue facing the entrance. A carved black statue of a dragon like creature stood on each side of it, the creatures tails interlocking at the top of the throne.

Rodney, of course, had walked over and sat in the throne as the leader watched and bowed before him.

"I will take my leave, Lord" the leader said with an even deeper bow. "If you need anything just strike the gong and a servant will attend to you."

John watched him intently as the man bowed again and left, closing the door behind him.

"I could get accustomed to this," Rodney said with a yawn.

"Don't get too used to it," Ronon said as he sat in another, more comfortable, chair nearby. "We ain't bowing to you."

John gestured towards the twin statues. "The Bajan beast ?" he asked.

"Probably," Teyla replied. "I have seen creatures like these on other worlds. Some of them have poison in their claws."

Rodney looked at them wide-eyed. It was a strange effect with his green skin. "Then it's official," he said. "I'm not going anywhere until morning." He got up and stretched. "I'm claiming the master bedroom," he added as he walked to the hallway at the back.

"Naturally," John said with a lopsided smile. "And I used to think that he was arrogant before," he said quietly.

"I don't see any difference," Ronon said as Rodney checked all of the rooms for the one with the biggest bed.

"Goodnight Lord whatsit," John said loudly as Rodney disappeared into a back room.

"That's Vojo," Rodney replied as he flopped onto the bed.

"Whatever."

oOo

John and Teyla had woken up first and were sitting in the main room drinking water from their packs when Ronon walked in. Despite his claim that he was unaffected Ronon had passed out on one of the beds soon after Rodney had.

Sometime during the night someone had left a large bowl of a banana like fruit on the main table. John offered one to Ronon who just shook his head and sat down heavily on the ornate couch which creaked under his weight.

Suddenly Rodney flung open the bedroom door and came running into the main room. He was still wearing the feathered robe and had obviously just flopped onto the bed to sleep. "Look," he said excitedly holding his arms out in front of him. "Look, look, look! Isn't it wonderful ?"

"Rodney, you're..." John said.

"Pink again. Isn't that great ?"

"No."

"No ? What do you mean no ?" Rodney replied looking indignant.

"I mean that the only reason that we're being treated like royalty and being allowed to walk out with the ZPM was because they mistook you for their green guy."

"Oh," Rodney said looking at his hands. "I was so excited at being my proper color again that I forgot about that."

"What do we do now ?" Teyla asked standing up.

"We could run," John suggested.

"All of your military experience and that's the best that you can come up with ?" Rodney said with his hands on his hips.

"You're the one that wanted to stay the night," John pointed out. "This wouldn't be a problem if we'd left yesterday."

"Well how was I supposed to know that it would wear off now ?" Rodney snapped. "And for the record I didn't want to come in the first place."

"You didn't seem to mind it here," Ronon said. "We could shoot our way out," he suggested.

"I don't want anyone getting hurt," John said.

"Well maybe they'll let us take the zed pm anyway," Rodney said. "It's not like they were using it."

"I do not think that they will see it that way," Teyla said.

"So let's see if there's a back door to this place," John said.

"Wait," Teyla said with a smile. "I have an idea..."

oOo

"I feel ridiculous," Rodney said from under the sheet as they stepped out through the main door. "And I can't see."

"Quiet," John said quietly. "Hold the sheet away from you and look down. Haven't you ever dressed up as a ghost for halloween ?"

"Actually no I haven't."

"Well better late than never."

"If you say so."

Teyla turned and glared at them and put her finger to her lips before turning back to face the small crowd that had gathered outside. The leader stepped forward. "Is something wrong ?" he said looking scared.

Rodney stood still and posed on the top step, holding the ZPM in front of him while staying covered by one of the heavily embroidered sheets from his bed.

"Lord Vojo will not appear in public before the Sun god," Teyla said pointing to the sun which had just crested the horizon. "Has risen far into the sky. It is an age old tradition."

"Then stay my Lord," the leader said. "We will bring you refreshments."

"That's not a bad idea," Rodney muttered. "That fruit didn't go far."

"Shhhh..." John said.

"Unfortunately," Teyla continued. "Lord Vojo has commitments elsewhere. Commitments that cannot be delayed any further."

"I see," the leader said bowing low. "Then we will detain you no longer."

Teyla led the way down the five steps, followed by John and Rodney with Ronon walking behind.

"I hope that he doesn't want his sheet back," Rodney said.

"You're a god," John muttered. "Gods take what they want."

"Really ?" Rodney said stopping on the bottom step and turning back.

John grabbed his elbow and steered him forward. "You've got the ZPM," he said. "Just keep going." John smiled broadly as the people stepped aside to let them pass. Several of them bowed while others simply looked down, afraid to look at them.

They walked through the forest with the people following just behind them.

"How much further ?" Rodney said. "I'm getting hot and I still can't see."

"We're almost through the forest," John muttered. "Then it's just a short walk to the gate."

As sweat started to drip into his eyes Rodney tried to wipe his face as he walked. When he moved his arm the embroidery on his sheet snagged on a nearby tree branch. Momentarily pulled off balance, Rodney tripped over his feet and fell forward leaving the sheet dangling from the branch. Everyone froze in place as the ZPM rolled from Rodney's hands into a ditch by the path. Rodney suddenly felt very exposed as he lay sprawled on the ground bereft of his covering sheet, his skin now a glaring pink against the black of his uniform.

"Imposter!" the leader shouted pointing at him. "You have come to steal the Kunar!"

As the natives started to pull out knives and blowguns John reached down and pulled Rodney to his feet. "Now we run," he said. "Fire over their heads!" he yelled to Ronon and Teyla as he pushed Rodney towards the gate.

"The zed pm," Rodney said trying to turn back.

"Forget it, Rodney," John said as a blowdart zipped by his ear. "Dial the gate," he added as he shoved Rodney towards the DHD and he turned and fired his P90 into the air, scaring the people with it's noise.

Rodney punched the buttons on the DHD and the wormhole formed with a loud whoosh.

They glanced back at the leader who was picking up the ZPM as they stepped through to Atlantis.

Radek was waiting for them in the gateroom. "Rodney!" he said with a big smile on his face. "You're back to normal."

Rodney was standing bent over with his hands on his thighs catching his breath. He stood up and glared at Radek. "Yes I am!" he snapped. "And it's all your damned fault!"

Radek watched open mouthed as Rodney walked away without a backward glance. John gave Radek a half hearted smile as they followed.

"Now what did I do ?" Radek asked.

oOo

It had been several days since the incident and Rodney had remained in his lab for most of that time. John knew that Rodney was in a snit because of losing the ZPM and he sighed as he walked back towards his quarters. He'd just finished a workout session with Ronon and he stopped at his door and wiped the sweat out of his eyes with the towel that was draped around his neck. "First a shower," he said quietly as he punched his code in. "And then I'll see Rodney."

He noticed the machine in the middle of his room just as it activated. He shielded his eyes from the bright flash and stood still for a moment.

"Rodney!" John said loudly turning around and heading towards the physics department.

"Rodney!" John said as he walked through the door and into Rodney's lab.

Rodney looked up from his laptop. "Morning," he said with a smile. "Good workout ? Although that's a contradiction of terms if you ask me."

John stopped briefly as he realized that he was still in his sweaty exercise clothes. "Don't change the subject," he said. "You know what's wrong."

Rodney tried to look innocent. "Wrong ? I thought that you were the one who wanted to go green ? P47698 ?"

John stood and scratched his head. "Well, yes. But..."

"Well ?" Rodney asked. "Tomorrow morning then."

"But you didn't...er...did you ?"

"I've had enough of that machine. I'll stick with body paint thank you," Rodney said as he stood up. "Now if there's nothing else I have work to do even if you haven't."

"Uh. Yeah. Sure." John turned and walked back towards his room. When he got there Radek was removing the machine.

"We brought this to you," Radek said adjusting his glasses. "Since you've been avoiding the lab."

"Thank you," John said as he watched him wheel it away. "I think," he added.

oOo

When John woke up the next morning he checked himself in the mirror. Sure enough he was a bright shade of green - everywhere.

"_Still," _he thought. _"I'll blend in nicely with the locals_." He slipped into a black tee shirt and pants and headed to the mess hall for breakfast ignoring the stares and nudges as he walked by. "_Should have done this at halloween_," he thought as he sat down with his food tray.

At eight o'clock he made his way to the gateroom. Rodney was waiting by the gate with Jennifer. He had his arm around her shoulder . They were both dressed in tee shirts and slacks and were both painted...

"Blue," John said looking at them. "Why are you blue ?"

Rodney signalled to Chuck who dialled the gate. "Don't worry," he said casually. "We'll all blend in." With a broad grin he stepped through the event horizon along with Jennifer.

John wasn't at all sure but he had to follow. One of Richard Woolsey's rules was that scientists had to have some kind of military escort when travelling offworld, even to friendly worlds. "Wait," he said as he ran through after them.

As soon as he stepped onto the planet John knew that he was in the wrong place. There were four domes circling the area where the gate was. Each dome was a different color. One was blue, one white, one yellow and one green. The sound of harp like music filled the air and different colored people were entering into the domes as if for a ceremony. Each person had dyed their skin to match the dome that they were entering. John caught sight of a green skinned woman in a dark dress. He smiled at her but she glared at him and turned away.

"Rodney," John said grabbing his arm. "What's going on ? This isn't P47698."

"I couldn't get Woolsey to give us permission to go to a planet just to satisfy your..curiosity," Rodney said holding Jennifer close. "I've been studying this world and it's quite interesting. Each clan has it's own color according to their preference. And we're just in time for the annual gathering." he added moving towards the entrance to the blue dome. The people seemed _very _friendly.

"Preference ?" John asked.

"Yeah," Rodney replied as he was entering with the crowd. "Blue is heterosexual, white is celibate, yellow go either way..."

"And green ?" John yelled as Rodney disappeared from view.

"Why hello handsome," a deep male voice said from behind him. "Why don't you come on in ?"

"Rodney !"

oOo

Oh I am soooo bad ;D Figured that Rodney had to win at least once.

Love some reviews (as always)  
debbie


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